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"Hyung, which one should we have today?" Jake holds up two ramen packs, and both are some of Heeseung's favourites.
He squints, struggling to choose, "Both?" He smiles brightly, "To celebrate the end of our recording sessions today. It’s a special occasion, no?"
Nodding in agreement, Jake gets to work, reassuring Heeseung that he can just rest until the food is ready. Despite his efforts to help around, Jake pushes Heeseung into the living room and sits him down on the couch, telling him to wait.
Once they're seated, enjoying their food in silence, Jake starts humming a familiar tune.
"But I love that vibe," Heeseung joins in and the younger boy smiles shyly, singing quietly.
"Good song, right, Jakey?" he asks, patting the other's shoulder.
"Mhm," Jake nods slowly, zoning out and playing with his food more than actually eating it, "Gets me in my feelings, I guess, haha," he offers a nervous laugh.
Heeseung raises an eyebrow at that. Was there something Jake wasn't telling him? Sounds like he's been missing out on some interesting information, "Is that so? What, do you have a crush?" Heeseung giggles, trying to get more details.
"Maybe…"
Heeseung's chuckle quiets down to complete silence, and he stares at Jake, who's closing in on himself, looking like he's trying to become invisible.
"Do I know them?" Is the first question Heeseung asks. He doesn't know why he needs to know everything about Jake's supposed crush, but there's an uncomfortable feeling in his chest as he anticipates the answer.
Jake swallows nervously before replying quietly, "You…” He’s quiet for a moment, but Heeseung nods in encouragement. He swears he can see an indescribable expression briefly flash on Jake’s face before he speaks again, “Do. You do know them… Very well, actually," he nods, avoiding eye-contact.
Heeseung's eyebrow twitches at that, mind immediately going to one person. Sunghoon.
Of course… It's not like he hadn't noticed… He was just pretending not to. Heeseung's been observing Jake and Sunghoon for years - it was truly a heartwarming friendship that they had. Heeseung wished it stayed at that - friendship. They already behaved like a couple and sometimes it really got to Heeseung, making him think the snarkiest comments - in spite of him knowing just how childish that kind of mindset was.
Heeseung never confessed his feelings or gave Jake any hints pointing at them, so he reflects on how he probably shouldn't be so overprotective of what doesn't even belong to him in the first place, but he can't help it. The thought of Jake touching or kissing someone else? Especially another member? Heeseung's blood boils at that. After all, he was right there. What did Sunghoon have that Heeseung didn’t? He narrows his eyes, thinking about it. Hell, he’s the ace. He can do everything, including being a perfect boyfriend to Jake. He tries his best not to blush at the thought.
Well, it's too late now. Jake's already set on his crush, so Heeseung can't just beg Jake to like him back.
He realises he's stopped eating after a while, his favourite ramen having gone cold.
Jake's been probably expecting some kind of answer, so Heeseung just gives him a short and polite "Good luck," with a barely concealed bitter smile, before he gets up and heads out to his room, shutting the door a little too loudly behind him.
Jake remains in the dark living room, staggered.
In the following days, Heeseung avoids Jake like the plague - or, well, as much as he can without looking suspicious. No more ramen nights, no more hanging out in Heeseung’s room and Jake sleeping next to him while Heeseung plays games until the sun has risen. He makes excuses for everything, even going to bed earlier than usual, which should be a good thing, but Heeseung swears that even after fixing his sleep schedule, he can confidently say he’s never been more tired and irritable in his life.
The downside of his stubborn behaviour is Jake hanging out with the others when Heeseung refuses him. He hangs out with Sunghoon the most, obviously. Has he confessed yet? Heeseung doesn’t know and the greater part of him doesn’t want to find out.
He knows he’s being irrational - he should be happy for his best friends, but the jealousy he feels is nothing like anything he’s felt before. He’s disappointed in himself for not acting on his own crush earlier - maybe then, he would’ve had a chance.
Heeseung peeks out of his room and makes sure Jake is not in sight, planning on making a beeline for the kitchen to get some food, wanting to just get back to bed. It would be their last free day before they have to go back into practice mode.
Light on his feet, he scurries past the youngest boys’ room, when he hears something behind the door they left ajar. Jake and Sunghoon’s muffled voices. That’s right… The maknaes were out for the day.
Ah… He knows he shouldn’t eavesdrop… He’s too old for such childish behaviour… And yet, he does it anyway.
“I… I really like you,” comes Sunghoon’s trembling voice. Heeseung’s breath catches in his throat, eyes widening. No way… Sunghoon is making a move? Frozen on the spot, Heeseung continues listening, despite knowing he won’t be able to handle whatever comes next.
“I wish I told you sooner, but… Will you- uh, would you like to be my bo-'' Ah, there it is. He’s heard enough.
With his heart officially shattered, Heeseung moves away from the door before Sunghoon finishes his question, and goes back to his room. His stomach growls, but all he wants is to go to sleep and when he wakes up, he wishes for this nightmare to end. Hope dies last, and the last bits of hope he still had, had been completely dissolved, right before his eyes.
Heeseung tosses and turns the whole night, blinking his tears away. It’s then that it hits him - this was no simple crush he had on Jake. He was in love. He had no idea what love felt like until then, and he definitely wasn’t expecting it to hurt this much. Getting over his heartbreak was going to take time, he knows, but for the good of their team, he needs to remind himself he can’t mourn forever. He needs to be happy. Jake would want that.
He nods to himself, shutting his eyes and letting more tears flow, wetting his pillow as he falls into a dreamless sleep.
“Stop,” the music stops as a loud voice comes through, “Heeseungie-hyung,” but Ni-ki lacks the usual confidence he has when leading dance practice, not used to calling out the oldest member like this, “You’re off-beat again…” He swallows nervously, fidgeting as he watches Heeseung in the mirror.
The latter knows Ni-ki is right. Everyone’s eyes have been on him all day as he kept making mistakes. He caught himself coming in too late, messing up formations, bumping into the members - all because he was distracted by his thoughts. He could only watch Jake’s face through the mirror the whole time, not paying attention to his own dancing.
“Let’s take a break,” Jake suggests in a quiet voice, not wanting to dampen the mood further, and Heeseung scoffs audibly. Everyone looks at him in surprise, but he doesn’t pay them any mind as he exits the practice room, back into his new habit of shutting doors behind him loudly and isolating himself from the world when he encounters any kind of inconvenience.
He doesn’t want to be so angry, but his feelings are so overwhelming that he has no idea what to do with them. He doesn’t want to say anything he would regret later, after he’s calmed down. He goes into one of the bathrooms to splash cold water onto his face, attempting to cool off. He just needs to go back there, focus and wrap up practice as soon as possible. Easy. No more distractions.
As he leans over the sink to catch his breath, letting water drip from his face, someone else enters the bathroom. Heeseung gets startled by the sudden hand on his shoulder, whipping his head around. Speak of the devil. The curse he wanted to let out gets stuck and he freezes, surprised after having not been this close to Jake in a while.
“Hyung, are you okay?” Jake asks, sounding sincerely worried.
Heeseung looks away, shrugging the boy’s hand off. He nods, slipping past Jake, “I’m going back now."
The hurt look on Jake's face goes unnoticed.
Heeseung stays true to his word and flawlessly runs through the group practice once he gets himself into the right mindset. When going through individual practice, he might go harder than usual as he watches Jake and Sunghoon huddled up together as they wait for their turn.
Until the end of rehearsal, he doesn't say another word to anyone. He's the last one to leave the room, not wanting to accidentally bump into Jake on their way to the cars that await them.
Walking out into the cold of the night, he sighs. He'll get over it. He will.
Heeseung takes long strides over to the first car he sees, wanting nothing more than to just be home already.
He expected a member to be inside, that much is true… Even hoping he won’t be forced to spend the ride with either Sunghoon or Jake and wanting to avoid any awkward situations. But what he actually sees upon opening the door is something that didn’t cross his mind in the slightest. It's… Sunoo. In Sunghoon's lap? Making out with him? Heeseung's eyes widen at the sight, shock clear on his face, yet he tries to maintain his cool when the two of them notice his presence.
Sunoo nearly jumps out of his skin as he scrambles to get off Sunghoon's lap, wiping his swollen, glistening lips. He looks like a deer caught in headlights and Sunghoon is clearly embarrassed and has the decency to avoid looking at him, clearing his throat awkwardly. Sunoo looks like he's about to explain himself, his eyes the size of saucers, but whatever he was preparing to say gets lost on Heeseung, who shuts the door in their faces.
He heads out to the next car, trying to process what he just saw. Surely, his brain must be playing tricks on him. Not only has his heart been aching like he’s been stabbed, he’s also losing his mind, how great.
Hoping for no more surprises, he carefully opens the door on the next car to Jay and Jungwon and thankfully, they're not doing anything weird. They acknowledge him with a hum as he enters the car, settling uncomfortably into his seat. He has to tell someone. It seems important. He's not sure how to bring it up, but he decides to just go for it.
"Hey guys, I think…" he starts, and the boys' attention is immediately on him, "I think… No, actually, I'm sure that Sunghoon, uhm," he swallows nervously, trying to subtly gauge their reactions, "He's cheating on Jake."
He drops the bomb and it's quiet for a few secinds. Ah, they must be so shocked - he probably should've kept it to himself, after all.
Then a loud burst of laughter erupts. Uhm… Did they hear what he just said? Which part of that was so funny to them? He's shocked that his friends aren't taking it seriously and are so dismissive of one of their members' feelings and issues. Surely, they wouldn't like it if it was them in that situation, so…
"Hyung," Jungwon tries to talk between his giggles, "That's so funny. You've been so serious lately that I almost forgot about this side of you," he teases, continuing to imitate Heeseung's dramatic tone when he shared the news.
"Guys, I'm not joking! Be serious," Heeseung responds, starting to get mad. He might be mad at his own feelings, but he'll always protect Jake, regardless of the state of their relationship.
"Oh, hyung, but you can't be serious," Jay rubs at his eyes that are becoming teary with amusement, "They're not even dating to begin with."
Heeseung frowns. Ah, well, so it's true that Sunghoon and Jake haven't shared the news with the group yet. Heeseung only found out because he was eavesdropping… He probably shouldn't share that, though.
"That's right, I mean, Jake-hyung is so in love with you that I don't think Sunghoon would ever even dare to get close. I don't think he'd try to, anyway, since he's dating Sunoo," Jungwon throws away casually, like he's talking about the weather.
Jay laughs at Heeseung's expression - he looks like he'd just seen a ghost, "Sunghoon and Sunoo…?" He starts off with the less shocking news.
"Mhm," Jay nods, leaning his head onto Jungwon's shoulder, "Well, they haven't said anything but, you know. It's pretty obvious," he smirks as he and Jungwon begin mocking the two boys' bickering and hilarious antics, giggling at each other.
Okay… He knows he's been a bit out of the loop in the recent weeks since he's practically isolated himself from the world, but he figures that sort of makes sense, after what he’s just seen. Did he have it all wrong? However, another question stands out,
"And what the fuck do you mean about Jaeyun being in love with me?" He stares at them and he swears he can see Jay shivering at the glare he receives.
Humming as he fidgets with Jay's fingers, Jungwon explains, "He's been so depressed lately. He talks all the time about how worried he is about you, and how he can't figure out what he's done wrong for you to ignore him-" Heeseung loses track of whatever Jungwon says afterwards, mouth going dry as reality finally hits him. In all the time he's been battling his inner turmoil, Jake has been worrying about him, blaming himself?
Heeseung suddenly feels sick to his stomach.
"Guys," he cuts Jungwon off mid-sentence, "I think I made a huge mistake."
The other two don't respond for a moment, most likely already aware of what is going on through their hyung's head.
"You really like him, don't you?" Jay asks.
Heeseung swallows, looking away and blinking quickly. The flooring of the car is suddenly so interesting, for some reason, "I think… I think I'm in love with him," he admits quietly with a frown.
Looking back up, Jay and Jungwon give him small, encouraging smiles, "You should probably tell him that," Jungwon nods at him.
They remain quiet for the rest of the ride. The couple slowly falls asleep as they're cuddling each other, while Heeseung is still wide awake, a million thoughts running through his mind at the same time. He’s sure there’s been a misunderstanding, and he’s also pretty sure that Jay and Jungwon are completely wrong about Jake being in love with him. He’s just a very caring friend. Heeseung doesn’t need more false hopes right now.
As they exit the car, a sleepy Jay asks, "Hyung, what made you say Sunghoon is cheating on Jake, anyway?" He rubs at his tired eyes, looking at Heeseung for an answer.
Heeseung visibly cringes as he recalls the intimate images of his dongsaengs making out, "Ugh, let's stop talking for now," he pleads, leaving them behind to sleepily struggle to hold each other up.
As everyone makes their way up into the dorm, Heeseung spots Jake walking by Ni-ki's side and his hands get clammy at the sight of him. Inhaling and exhaling, he tries to overcome his nerves and catches up with Jake. They have a lot to talk about.
Throwing an arm over the boy's shoulder, he avoids his eyes and takes interest in the pattern on the ground, but he can spot Jake's surprised face through his peripheral vision.
"Jaeyun-ah," he speaks softly, only loud enough for the two of them to hear, "Come to my room tonight, okay?"
Jake is stuck for a while, before he offers a jerky nod accompanied by a hum of approval.
They stay in silence the whole way up to the dorm, Heeseung ignoring everyone else's chatter in favour of focusing on his own racing heartbeat that pounds into his ear. His hold on Jake never loosens, worried he might have already pushed him too far with his recent behaviour. He doesn't want to make it worse.
Once they're inside, Jake goes first to Heeseung's bedroom, the latter following close behind. As he's turning to shut the door, he catches sight of Jay, who gives him a shit-eating grin, to which the older boy rolls his eyes.
Face to face with Jake, in private, after such a long time, has Heeseung panicking internally. Words don't want to come out, and Jake just standing awkwardly in the middle of the room isn't helping him at all.
Sitting down on his bed, Heeseung pats the free space next to him, inviting Jake over. The boy obeys quickly, sitting down as politely as ever, as if he’s never been in Heeseung’s room or bed before. He keeps his hands in his lap, his back straight and legs closely shut - the absolute image of a good boy. Heeseung barely conceals his smile at the adorable sight, but he keeps his cool as he has other things he needs to address first,
"Jaeyunie… I don't know where to start, to be honest…"
Jake looks at him, bottom lip jutting out cutely, "Uhm, hyung," his voice shakes as he speaks, "Just- Just tell me if I did something wrong. I can make it right, I promise, just give me another chance and-"
"No!" Heeseung cuts him off suddenly, and Jake jumps in surprise, and the look on his face resembles that of a kicked puppy, "I-I mean no, Jakey, it's not your fault. It was never your fault, I just…" Heeseung licks his chapped lips, struggling to open up, "Well, firstly, I need to ask you something…"
Jake nods vigorously, quietly offering Heeseung all of his attention.
"Uhm, okay, basically… Are you… Dating anyone?" Heeseung asks.
Blushing at the straightforward question, Jake's struggles for words for a second, "Huh? No, hyung… I'm not. Why…?"
Heeseung momentarily hides his face in his hands, wanting to scream out of embarrassment. He slaps himself twice, convincing himself to continue talking, since he got this far anyway.
"Okay, I feel really bad, but… I heard your conversation with Sunghoon recently. When he asked you to be his boyfriend?" Heeseung notices Jake wanting to chime in, but he makes a gesture for him to wait until he's done with his explanation, "A-and I thought you might have said yes, because we were talking about you having a crush on someone I know really well and-" Heeseung sighs, knowing he's going to start talking nonsense soon if he doesn't control himself.
"Hyung?"
"Did you reject him? Do you not like him anymore?"
"Hyung."
"Are you worried about the team? I'd still support you, you know?” Heeseung tries to play it cool, acting like his heart didn’t break into a million pieces just a few days ago, “You can be together if you want. I mean, not that my opinion it matters, I meant as in-"
"HYUNG! Just shut up already!"
Heeseung is taken back by Jake shouting at him - he can't say he’s ever had this experience before.
They simply stare at each other for a second, tension heavy in the air.
Jake takes a deep breath, "I think you may have misunderstood the situation…" He states, before launching into an explanation of what actually happened.
“Jake, can we talk for a second?” Sunghoon drags Jake into his empty room. Their three youngest are out shopping, so he takes this as his opportunity.
Jake nods and follows like a puppy, “Everything alright?” He asks.
Sunghoon looks nervous, and distressed. Fidgeting with his hands, he clears his throat and speaks, “Please help me confess to Sunoo.”
His friend stares for a while as Sunghoon is shaking with anxiety. Suddenly, he jumps and invades Sunghoon’s personal space, squealing, “Oh my God! Really?! Are you finally doing it?!” Jake exclaims.
Sunghoon quickly shushes him and covers his mouth, sitting both of them down on his bed.
“Would you be quiet… Yes, I… I really want to. It’s fine if he says no. I guess… I just want him to know,” Sunghoon looks down with a frown, playing with the rings on his fingers - rings he shopped for with Sunoo, who wanted them to match.
Jake hits his shoulder, “Mate, really,” he says, laying his Australian accent thickly and chuckling, “He won’t say no. The guy is in love with you, stop being oblivious!” He reassures his friend.
It’s true. Everyone can see how Sunoo has the warmest gaze as he watches Sunghoon, the way he rarely initiates skinship, yet his touch always lingers when he’s holding Sunghoon’s hand or latching onto his arm. They bicker so much, but Jake always sees the bright smile on Sunoo’s face when they do - he doesn’t think anyone can make Sunoo smile as much as Sunghoon does.
“Okay, s-so you’ll be Sunoo and I'll be me. Confessing. Okay. Alright... You gotta tell me if I sound weird, okay? Here it goes…”
Heeseung stares, lips pursed into a thin line, “So… You helped him practice…"
"... Confessing to Sunoo, who he is dating now, yeah…" Jake finishes his sentence.
Silence takes over the room again. Heeseung is so embarrassed that he's eagerly waiting for the ground to split in half before his eyes and swallow him whole.
Something is still unanswered, though.
"But, then… Who's your crush? It's not Sunoo, is it?" Heeseung has a concerned and pitiful look on his face as he asks.
Jake stares at him in shock, looking like he's asking himself, How fucking dense can one person be?
"Hyung, are you serious?" He asks, mouth wide open as Heeseung still hasn't caught on. He's confident that he's been overly obvious about his feelings.
The older boy shrugs his shoulders, not understanding why Jake is expecting him to be able to read minds. It's not like Jake talks much about his love life. In fact, he's only done it once, and it was at least two years ago. Things must have changed.
"Heeseungie-hyung, it's you. It's you," he repeats, "You're the one I like."
Heeseung replies dumbly with a quiet "Oh", falling into deep thought. Jake catches him before his brain starts spiralling too hard, and breaks him out of his trance with a hand on his thigh, "You don't have to say anything now. I understand if you don't-"
"Can I kiss you?" Heeseung asks, looking deeply into Jake's puppy-like eyes.
Genuinely shocked, Jake can only do his best to nod and Heeseung doesn't wait another second before he leans in, tasting Jake's dreamy lips. He's been longing to learn their flavour for so long, and he can't believe it's finally happening.
His brain is normally the loudest place he can possibly imagine, but as soon as Jake's soft lips start moving against his, there is complete silence. Heeseung can't believe the comfort that kissing Jake can bring, and he's not sure he's ever going to be able to live without it.
When Heeseung breaks the kiss, Jake chases his mouth eagerly, a disappointed whine escaping him at the loss.
“Jae-”
Jake bravely surges forward, catching Heeseung’s lips with his own, pushing the older boy into the sheets and crawling on top of him. The kiss deepens, and Heeseung’s heart nearly jolts out of his chest at the feeling of Jake’s passion. The boy is clumsy, too excited, the force of his kisses is bruising, but he makes up for it with all the love he puts into them. Heeseung wraps his arms around Jake’s waist and pulls him down until the only thing separating their bodies are thin layers of fabric.
Jake’s weight on top of him is comforting and warm, home-y. Heeseung breaks the kiss and holds Jake’s face into his hands, squishing his cheeks cutely and pressing small kisses to his plump lips. Gently pressing his lips to Jake’s, he leads the kiss this time, taking it slowly. Jake is becoming excited again, but Heeseung holds him still and guides him, and it’s everything he’s dreamed of. Their lips fit together like puzzle pieces, and so do their hearts.
Running his fingers through Heeseung’s hair, Jake breaks the kiss to take a look at his very oblivious hyung, “I love you,” he whispers against his lips, a small chuckle escaping him when Heeseung’s eyes widen adorably and his breath hitches.
Jake is about to say something else before he unexpectedly finds himself with his back against the sheets, his whole world spinning as Heeseung flips their position, “I love you too, Jaeyun-ah. I love you so much, Jakey,” he kisses the younger boy like his life depends on it, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I’m sorry I overreacted,” he apologises through every kiss he presses to Jake’s face, making the boy underneath him giggle, “Let me make it up to you,” he whispers, making Jake look directly into his eyes before he surges forward, with a kiss that completely changes the mood.
Jake’s back arches as Heeseung bites onto his rosy and full bottom lip, sucking it into his mouth. There’s a gentle hand on Jake’s waist, guiding him to meet Heeseung’s body as they move against each other in a way that makes them both dizzy with lust and love.
There’s a familiar tune playing in Heeseung’s mind as he kisses down the column of Jake’s neck, calling out his racing heart.