Archive of Our Own

Riki was alone at the dorm. All the members had gone out either together or by themselves as the group finally had a day off, but Riki opted to stay home after staying late practicing at the company the night before to get some rest.

He was just scrolling through social media in his room when he heard the sound of the front door opening and a familiar voice calling him.

“Riki, I’m home!”

The dancer smiled as he realized the voice belonged to his boyfriend and slipped his phone into his pocket as he got off his bed. He walked down the hall and to the kitchen where his boyfriend was slipping off his shoes and hanging up his jacket on the coat wrack.

“Hey Jake-hyung,” Riki greeted the older boy.

Jake gave him that charming puppy-dog smile that Riki fell for so long ago before he came over and wrapped the maknae in a tight hug.

“Hi baby, how are you?” Jake asked sweetly.

“I’m fine hyung, I missed you though. It’s always a little boring being here alone,” Riki replied as he reciprocated the embrace, leaning his head on top of the Aussie’s due to their height difference.

“Oh so did you really miss me or did you just not like being alone?” Jake teased as he pulled back from the hug to look at the taller.

Riki rolled his eyes in response, “I tell you I miss you and this is how you treat me. Don’t talk to me,” he said as he pulled away from the older and moved over to the fridge to grab a water bottle.

He suddenly felt two arms around his waist and Jake’s head on his shoulder as the older male took him into a back hug.

“Aww come on Riki-san, don’t be like that. I was just messing with you baby,” Jake said sweetly before pressing a light kiss on the younger boy’s shoulder.

Riki rolled his eyes internally, Jake was really too charming and sweet for him to handle. Once he spoke in that particular honey-soft voice of his Riki was just a weak, weak young man or he was just absolutely whipped for Jake. Not like he minded though since the Australian boy was very much down bad for him as well.

He turned himself around in Jake’s hold to face him and put his arms around the older’s neck.

“Fine, but you still have to make it up to me,” Riki said with a mischievous smirk on his face.

“Oh yeah? And what can I do for you love?” Jake raised his eyebrow as he used the pet name in English since he knew how much it flustered the maknae.

Riki blushed at the affectionate nickname and pointed to his lips. He hadn’t gotten to kiss Jake in the past few days. They’ve had practice nearly everyday and their relationship wasn’t exactly known. Well that was an understatement, they’ve been dating for 10 months now but hadn’t told their members. Not because they didn’t expect the group to be supportive or anything they’d all discussed preferences during late night conversations and none of the members proved to be particularly straight.

But in this industry, in this country, in the life they lived it would seem unwise or completely irresponsible, dating your band mate. Yet when Riki looks at Jake, when they get their quiet moments like this, it seems more than worth the risk. So because of that, in some ways hiding it was just easier. It was also both of their first relationships so it felt a lot easier to navigate without any outside forces involved. They did plan on telling the members, eventually, whenever eventually was.

None of the members were aware of their relationship either or at least it didn’t seem like any of them suspected anything. Jake and Riki honestly didn’t act much differently from when they were just friends. Sure their relationship now involved more physical intimacy in the form of longer hugs, arms around the shoulders, cuddles during movie nights and stolen kisses when they were sure no one else was around.

But it didn’t seem like anything out of the ordinary, it truly looked like they were just really good friends and since everyone knew how close Riki and Jake were no one questioned the slight bit more physical affection there was between them.

In focusing back on their moment, Riki looked back at the Aussie’s brown eyes as Jake seemed to be mulling over his request playfully.

“Hyungie,” Riki whined, “just do it you haven’t kissed me all week,” he pouted, making his dumpling cheeks puff out.

Jake looked at the pout on Riki’s face and his adorable puffed out cheeks and felt himself absolutely melt. How could someone be so adorable?

He leaned up and pressed kisses on both of Riki’s dumpling cheeks which made the maknae blush before he placed a short peck to the boy’s plump lips.

“Happy now?” Jake asked as he smirked at him.

“Mmm, that was too short,” Riki teased hoping the elder would take the bait.

“Oh wow, I can’t ever satisfy you can I?” Jake asked sarcastically to which Riki shook his head.

“You’re a spoiled brat you know that?” Jake said with absolutely no bite to his voice but fondness and affection lacing every word.

“Yeah but I’m your brat,” Riki shot back.

“Yeah you are,” Jake smiled at him before placing his hand on Riki’s neck and bringing him down into a proper kiss.

Riki sighed lightly as Jake’s grip around his waist tightened while the elder’s other hand gently held him by the neck. He had missed this, they always had to be careful as to not get caught and with the packed schedules they had this last week they had almost no time alone together. The Aussie’s lips were still soft as ever against his own and Riki could swear Jake was like his own personal drug since he could never get enough of him.

Jake pecked his lips once more before pulling back and smiling at him.

“Happy now?”

“Very,” Riki giggled.

Jake’s heart filled with warmth at the adorable sound from his boyfriend and he pulled the younger back into a hug savoring this rare moment of alone time that they didn’t get a lot.

“Wanna cuddle and watch a movie?” Jake asked him.

Riki hummed in agreement, that sounded really nice to finally get some time with his boyfriend. The Aussie pulled away from the hug before taking him by the hand and pulling him into the living room.

“You can choose,” Jake said, “I’ll be right back.”

The elder pecked his cheek before walking away down the hall and Riki scrolled through Netflix until he saw My Neighbor Totoro come across the screen and he instantly decided on that. He clicked on it but paused it so he could wait for his boyfriend to return.

Moments later, Jake came in changed into comfortable sweats and holding a big fluffy blanket in his hands. He sat down next to Riki and pulled the blanket over them before he wrapped an arm around the maknae’s shoulder and pulled the boy so his head was leaning on his shoulder.

Riki really enjoyed this, despite being significantly taller than his boyfriend, Jake never failed to baby him. The dancer didn’t like to admit it a lot of the time but he always enjoyed the attention and babying from his hyungs. He tried to stray away from it as he got older to show them that he was growing up but with Jake it was different, Riki was just allowed to be a little more vulnerable.

Jake always assured Riki that he enjoyed babying him and taking care of him since Riki was very independent otherwise. However sometimes Riki still had his insecurities that maybe Jake would be better off with someone older. Sometimes Riki worried that he was too young or too sensitive but the Australian would always assure him that none of that was true and that Riki was perfect as he was.

The movie went on as the couple watched, commenting and bickering with each other throughout. Sometime during the film Riki ended up on Jake’s lap with his back leaning against the older’s chest but he certainly wasn’t complaining.

After the movie came to an end, Riki turned on Jake’s lap to look at the older who was already staring at him. He brought his arms around the elder boy’s neck while the two just stared at each other taking in each other’s wonderful looks and just savoring their time together.

“You’re really pretty Riki-san,” Jake whispered suddenly as he brushed some of Riki’s hair from his face.

The maknae blushed in response, no matter how many times his boyfriend said that to him it always made his heart flutter. Jake would always compliment him on how pretty he was but it’s like the older did not see himself because Jake was absolutely stunning.

His round face yet sculpted jaw, slim nose with that high nose bridge and his wide, expressive eyes that reminded Riki so much of a golden retriever. Jake was so extremely gorgeous and if no one else would remind him, Riki would.

“You’re beautiful Jake-hyungie,” Riki whispered back with nothing but sincerity.

Jake blushed a bright red and chuckled slightly from the sweet compliment.

“Thank you Riki,” the older said gently as the two stared right into each other’s eyes.

Jake slowly brought his hands up to cup Riki’s cheeks before pulling the younger boy’s face closer and slotting their lips together in a gentle kiss. Riki relaxed against Jake as he put his hands up on the older’s shoulders as they kissed slowly and gently.

Riki always loved this, the rare times when they would get moments alone and just enjoy the moments they had together slow and un-rushed quite like their kiss was now. Jake’s lips were slightly chapped from how he constantly licked and bit them yet were so soft against his own.

Jake kept one hand cupping Riki’s cheek while the other moved down to the maknae’s back as the pair absolutely enraptured themselves in one another.

They were both so caught up in each other that they didn’t hear the front door open and shut or the sound of one of the members taking off their shoes.

“Riki are you home?” Jungwon’s voice called out as footsteps quickly approached the living room from he kitchen.

The couple separated their lips from each other but there was not any time for Riki to get off Jake’s lap as the leader entered the living room.

“Hey Jungwon-hyung,” Riki greeted proud of how casual he sounded.

“Hey Wonie,” Jake waved.

Jungwon stared at them for a moment and Riki felt absolutely scrutinized under the elder’s gaze. If anyone were to figure them out it would be Jungwon and despite how close Jake and Riki were, the maknae basically straddling his hyung’s lap didn’t seem extremely platonic.

Riki quickly turned around and shuffled off of Jake and sat on the couch now properly facing Jungwon.

“Hey you two,” Jungwon said slowly.

Riki internally sighed, the leader was extremely attentive and observant and judging from his voice it sounded like he knew something was up. But they really weren’t ready to fess up about their relationship as yet so they would try their best to rid Jungwon of whatever suspicions were developing in his head.

“How was your day Wonie-hyung?” Riki asked both to try and distract his hyung and also because he actually wanted to know.

The leader stared at him for a second before going on to tell Riki and Jake about how he spent his day off.

“When did you come back home Jake-hyung?” the leader asked when he finished recapping his day.

“Almost two hours ago. I just went and did a little shopping though I didn’t buy anything besides some more ramyeon,” the Aussie said prompting the two youngest two to roll their eyes at their hyung’s addiction to the food.

Jake continued, “Then I just came home and decided to hang out with Riki,” he said giving the maknae a small smile which he returned.

This clearly didn’t go unnoticed by Jungwon who had an unreadable expression on his face but Riki definitely thought that it more than likely would not be long before his youngest hyung started either observing them a lot closer or asking questions.

The time seemed to come sooner rather than later as Riki woke up late into the night long after the group had fallen asleep. He had to use the bathroom and after he did so was heading back to his bedroom when he heard a noise coming from the kitchen.

Riki slowly walked towards the kitchen in his half-asleep state, he was just going to see who was up at this hour and go back to bed but stopped when he saw Jake standing there seeming to make ramyeon.

“Really hyung?” Riki scoffed at the elder.

Jake visibly jolted before turning around to see Riki standing in the door way.

“Holy shit Riki-san! You scared me,” Jake said as he put a hand over his chest dramatically.

Riki chuckled lightly and walked closer before leaning against the counter opposite to the older, “Sorry about that hyung. I just heard a noise and I came to see who it was.”

“How come you’re awake love?” the elder asked.

“I needed to use the bathroom,” the younger boy responded.

“How come your ramyeon buddy is missing?” Riki asked his boyfriend playfully.

“I didn’t feel like waking him. Heeseung was pretty tired after his day out,” Jake admitted.

Riki just hummed in response as he watched Jake preparing his food. Jake left the pot to boil for a little before coming over and wrapping his arms around Riki in a hug, which the younger quickly reciprocated. Riki leaned his head on the Aussie’s head while the shorter boy rested his head on the maknae’s shoulder. The two held each other enveloped in a comfortable silence when suddenly a new voice entered the kitchen.

“Um hi?” Jungwon greeted, looking confused as he watched the pair.

Riki and Jake separated and looked at the leader who was giving them that same suspicious look from earlier.

“Hey Wonie-hyung. What are you doing awake?” Riki asked.

“I was thirsty, so I came for a drink,” Jungwon answered simply.

“What are you two doing awake?” he asked as he eyed the two.

Jake went over to turn off the stove before turning back to Jungwon, “I wanted ramyeon and Riki woke up to use the bathroom. He heard a noise so he just came in and decided to keep me company.”

A few moments of silence passed with Jungwon staring at them. Riki felt awkward as the leader just eyed him and Jake without saying anything with an almost unreadable expression, yet the maknae wasn’t a fool and he knew the questions from Jungwon would come sooner rather than later. He just didn’t think it would be this soon.

“What’s going on between you two?” Jungwon asked them.

There it was, the question that Riki awaited but he wasn’t ready to fess up about their relationship and neither was Jake. If they were going to talk about it, it would be a sit-down discussion with all the members not a two on one chat with Jungwon at 3:00 a.m. in the kitchen.

“What? What do you mean?” Riki asked keeping his voice even with a hint of obliviousness, “There’s nothing going on between us.”

“Riki-ah, I’m really not sure how much of a dumbass you think I am, but there’s been something different between you two,” Jungwon said slowly.

“I know the others haven’t really noticed but I have. You two are a lot clingier and Jake you seem to baby and take care of Riki a lot more than usual and something between you two just seems far more… intimate than before,” the leader went on.

“Wonie I have always taken care of Riki. That hasn’t really changed, we’re just close. We have a good relationship,” Jake responded.

Riki was honestly glad that Jake seemed to be on the same wavelength with him about not fessing up about their relationship right now. As much as they’ve both discussed telling the members, there was always a promise to each other that no matter what they waited until they were both ready and they would do it together.

“Hyung. Listen you guys being close is great but that isn’t it. Today when I came back Riki was literally on your lap facing you, it really didn’t look platonic at all and it’s kind of what solidified my suspicions about you guys more,” Jungwon said while looking between both of them.

“Hyung, nothing was going on we were just cuddling,” Riki denied.

“I know it’s not my business and I’m sorry if I’m overstepping but : are you guys dating?” Jungwon asked.

There it was, the question that Riki knew was going to come from the leader. Jungwon was Jungwon after all and if anybody would figure out someone’s secret it would be him. He was the leader for a reason since he could pick up on the changes in behavior and was always attentive and observant of his members.

“We’re not dating,” Jake spoke up.

But Jungwon continued to press even though he probably should have stopped, “Hyung I’m sorry but I find it really hard to believe that.”

And Riki honestly just wished he would stop. He loved Jungwon, he was a great leader and an even greater hyung. But he was just so stubborn sometimes, sometimes he needed to stop pushing.

“We’re not dating Jungwon!” Jake replied sounding irritated.

Riki was surprised at the change in Jake’s tone, he was a little annoyed too but he wasn’t expecting his boyfriend to sound so irritated all of a sudden.

There was a pause before Jake continued.

“I’m not dating Riki and I wouldn’t date him anyways. He’s way too young and not to mention that he’s far too much of a brat for me. I wouldn’t date someone like that,” Jake went on.

And Riki felt his heart break. He knew Jake just wanted to get Jungwon off his their backs but did he really need to say all of that? Why couldn’t he just deny it and be done? Was that really what Jake thought about him? No, there was no way, Riki was just being insecure and letting this get to him. Jake didn’t actually mean it.

Jake looked at Riki briefly before he huffed and left the kitchen, leaving the two youngest members alone, quite surprised by who they would consider their most gentle hyung’s attitude.

Jungwon was staring at Riki apologetically and he opened his mouth before closing it again, seeming to not know what to say. Jake’s words were just echoing through his head and Riki left the room without saying another word to the leader and returned to their bedroom.

Riki burrowed under his blankets and tried to fall asleep but he couldn’t. Jake’s words just kept echoing in his head. He was too young, he was a brat, he wasn’t good enough and Jake deserved better. Deep down inside Riki always worried about that, that he wasn’t the best Jake could get and that the elder was just with him because Riki confessed first. Jake deserved better, Riki wasn’t enough.

Riki had to force himself out of bed to go to practice the next afternoon. Jake’s words from the night before were just constantly running through his head and all his insecurities were bubbling up at once. He wasn’t in a good mood at all but tried his best to hide it to avoid questions from the members.

Jungwon kept shooting him concerned and guilty looks throughout the day. The maknae almost wanted to be upset with the leader yet he couldn’t bring himself to be, he truly understood that the elder was curious but he definitely could’ve gone about the situation better.

The dancer had some hope that his boyfriend would realize he was upset and apologize for what he said but the elder did nothing of the sort. He just gave Riki his puppy smile and acted like nothing happened the night before. That just convinced Riki that everything his boyfriend said the night before was actually what the elder thought about him.

Riki’s heart was in his stomach. He always looked up to Jake, since their days in I-LAND he held a lot of admiration for his hyung. And when they were formed, the Australian boy always cared about him and took care of him. Riki got really close with Jake and he was one of the first people that the dancer really trusted and thought he could be vulnerable with.

They were always playful with each other yet in quiet moments with each other they’d always pour out their souls to one another. They’d talk about their insecurities, their hopes, the pressure of this industry and being afraid they weren’t good enough.

He thought about how those nights were the reason they became so close and the reason why Riki began developing feelings for his hyung. Before confessing to Jake, Riki was honestly a mess. He was afraid that he wasn’t enough. Jake was the first person that Riki ever really liked. He spent months silently pining and believing that his feelings would never be reciprocated. He thought he was too young, not handsome enough, that he wouldn’t be good enough of a partner for Jake.

When the two of them stayed back late while Riki was helping the older with choreography for their comeback at the time. Riki didn’t know where it came from when he suddenly blurted out a confession to Jake as they sat taking a break after a run-through. He remembered how Jake stared at him in shock before confessing his own feelings and Riki was in disbelief.

It was so unexpected to him that Jake also harbored feelings for him that Riki ended up rambling on about how he thought he didn’t think he was good enough for the elder until Jake had shut him up with a kiss. It was short and very awkward considering it was both of their firsts yet it was extremely special for them both.

Jake had went on to tell him how his insecurities weren’t true and that there was nothing wrong with Riki and that he was a fool for thinking he wasn’t good enough. The older was the reason that Riki actually stopped constantly doubting himself and the two went on to get to where they were now.

The Aussie would still take time to assure Riki that his insecurities about himself in their relationship weren’t true and that the Japanese boy was perfect to him.

Now Riki couldn’t help but think that Jake didn’t mean that. That he just said all of it to try and make Riki feel better but after last night, those months of progress just all went to shit in seconds when Jake’s words ripped Riki’s heart out and stepped on it.

Riki was extremely confused. Why was Jake just acting like nothing happened? He was the one who decided to say all that shit. Riki truly didn’t know what to think. He didn’t know why Jake would say that and then act like he did nothing wrong. Was he avoiding talking about it because he meant all of it but was too afraid to be direct?

Truthfully, he wasn’t sure what to believe. He wanted to trust Jake and that he just said that in the heat of the moment but the annoying, insecure shadow looming over his brain insisted that Jake meant all of it and he didn’t want to be with Riki yet didn’t know how to just admit that.

“Riki-ah! You okay? That’s the third mistake you’ve made for the morning,” Sunghoon said sounding a little concerned.

All the members were staring at him at Riki had messed up another step while they were doing a run through of Blessed-Cursed. Riki internally cursed to himself, he usually never let his emotions get in the way of his dancing but his thoughts were so ridiculously overbearing that he struggled to put them aside to focus on practice.

“I’m fine hyung. Sorry about the mistakes,” Riki apologized while giving them a small smile to dispel their worries.

It seemed to work as the members all got back in position besides Jake who glanced at Riki briefly and gave him a smile and thumbs up before he looked away and returned to his position. Jungwon stared at Riki looking both guilty and like he wasn’t buying his bullshit for one second.

Riki took in a few deep breaths as he got back into position. He tried his best to focus and dance as it was what he did best. They restarted the the song and Riki was glad when he didn’t mess up this time.

Sometimes just letting his body expel his emotions in the form of dancing just worked so that’s what Riki did throughout the entire practice. He pushed himself and just put all his negative feelings into his movements.

The group called for a break and Riki went and sat against the wall as he took a drink of water. Jake came over and sat beside Riki, wrapping an arm around the boy. It felt nice and the maknae leaned into the touch. Then he remembered the night before, he was still really upset and it felt like Jake was completely brushing it off and almost like he was sucking up to him instead of giving Riki a proper apology.

With that thought in mind he pulled away from Jake’s hold, more roughly than he intended and ended up scooting away from him. Riki didn’t miss the confused and upset look on the older’s face be he ignored it. He needed time to try and think before he could talk to Jake. He felt bad for upsetting his boyfriend but there were too many thoughts running through his mind for him to care at the moment.

He noticed Jake being distracted throughout the rest of practice and messing up a few times but tried not to pay it any mind. Allowing himself to just use his body to try and expel his feelings helped Riki in the moment. However when practice came to an end he felt a million times worse than earlier.

He allowed himself to get distracted and try and push away how he was feeling by dancing but now everything came back and Riki just felt overwhelmed by self-doubt and sadness all over again.

“Riki-ah, good job today,” Heeseung told him before the eldest went to grab his bag.

Riki wanted to scream. He knew he had done well in practice but it wasn’t for a good reason. It wasn’t because he was focused and passionate and doing what he loved and did best. He did well because his heart ached and he felt so insecure about himself and anxious at the thought that his boyfriend didn’t actually want him that he just pushed his body so he could feel something else other than that he wasn’t good enough.

The boy was ready to go home for the night and allow himself to cry in the shower in the hope that it would help him expel how shitty he felt when Jake suddenly spoke up.

“Guys I’m gonna stay late to practice. I messed up a lot today.”

The members all stared at Jake who was rubbing a hand on his nape looking somewhat anxious as he stared at them.

“We all have off days Jake and you were doing well,” Jay complimented him.

“Yeah Jake-hyung. Are you sure you want to stay? You must be tired and I’m sure you’ll do better next practice,” Sunoo said sweetly.

Jake gave them a small smile which Riki could see right through, “I’m sure guys, I’ll be back at the dorm later.”

The members finally relented all of them turning to leave except Riki. As shitty as Riki felt from what Jake said, he could tell the elder was upset and Riki hated seeing his hyung like this since he just looked like a kicked puppy. An upset Jake was honestly a downer for everyone but the maknae also wanted to try and talk to his boyfriend so Riki spoke up.

“I’ll stay with him,” the dancer piped up earning him questioning looks from all the members.

“I’ll just stay to help out hyung and keep him company,” Riki added, hoping the members wouldn’t say anything and just leave.

There was silence for a moment before they seemed to agree.

“Okay,” Heeseung agreed, “Make sure you guys don’t overwork yourselves,” the eldest reminded them, knowing how the pair could be the most critical of themselves out of the group a lot of the time.

The secret couple nodded and the members all bid them goodbye before leaving, the door shutting behind them making the tension in the room all too thick.

Jake glanced at Riki, the two sharing eye contact for a moment before the Aussie spoke up.

“Why did you stay?” Jake asked in a clipped tone. He sounded irritated and it reminded Riki all too well of how his hyung acted last night.

Riki wanted to talk about this, he wanted to confront Jake about everything he said. He wanted to know that the elder didn’t actually mean it and hear him apologize and reassure Riki once again. He wanted to know that Jake wanted him.

“Because I want to talk to you,” the younger answered simply.

“Really? It didn’t seem like it earlier,” Jake replied.

Riki sighed, he knew that his boyfriend was upset since he pulled away from him and he genuinely felt quite guilty about that despite his own feelings of sadness and anxiety from the elder’s unnecessary words the night before.

“I’m really sorry about that hyung. I was just thinking about something that really bothered me : why’d you say all that last night?” Riki asked surprising himself with how even his voice sounded despite the anxiety bubbling up in him from how tense this whole interaction felt.

“Say what?” Jake asked sounding almost defensive as he crossed his arms over his chest.

“You know, what you said to Jungwon, when he asked when if we’re dating?” Riki prodded.

“I just told him what I needed to to get him off our backs,” he frowned at Riki.

Riki’s brow furrowed. ‘What he needed to’? The older simply could’ve denied them dating and left it at that but instead he went on about how he would never date someone like Riki and the Japanese boy didn’t think he was being sensitive or unreasonable in thinking those comments weren’t necessary.

“You told him what you ‘needed’ to? So telling him that I’m too much of a brat and that you would never date someone like me was all necessary?” Riki asked trying to keep his tone even so he didn’t get emotional and cause an argument.

“God Riki you’re so damn sensitive!” Jake suddenly snapped at him making Riki physically recoil.

“Seriously it doesn’t fucking matter. I just said what needed to be said so Jungwon would stop interrogating us and you’re upset with me about it?” Jake went on sounding angrier with every word.

“Would you rather I have said yes? Then what you would’ve gotten pissed that I admitted to our relationship without talking about it and breaking our promise?” the Aussie continued going off at him.

Riki was in shock, he asked a simple question. He just wanted to know why Jake said what he said and hopefully get an apology and reassurance but instead his boyfriend was going off on him and sounding so angry because he said something hurtful about Riki yet when Riki confronts him because it hurt his feelings he’s in the wrong?

“Hyung you didn’t have to say all that. Just saying no would’ve been good enough,” Riki said trying to keep the tears that wanted to fall out of his voice.

“I’m done talking about this,” Jake said harshly before turning his back on Riki and walking over to start the music.

But the damage was already done and that sentence made Riki’s tears fall. That sentence solidified it for him that Jake meant what he said about him to Jungwon. Hot tears fell down his cheeks and Riki quickly wiped them away before grabbing his bag and storming out of the practice room.

Riki’s heart painfully panged in his chest from what Jake said. He thought that everything would be fine that his boyfriend would apologize and assure him that everything he said wasn’t true and make it up to Riki and remind him that all of that wasn’t true and that Riki was a good partner despite his age. That he wasn’t too young, too brash, too immature, too annoying. That he was more than enough.

Riki didn’t realize that he was walking out of the building instead of to the parking garage where a car would’ve been waiting for him until the frigid November air met his skin. The boy wiped his tears as he walked himself home, only the awful echoes of Jake’s words to him and the cold night air keeping him company.

Riki made sure that he looked as normal as possible when he got back to the dorm. He couldn’t deal with the questions from the members at all right now if they noticed he wasn’t himself and even if he was upset and wanted to talk to someone about his feelings. He couldn’t betray Jake’s trust like that and go exposing their relationship… their relationship that Riki wasn’t even sure about anymore without the older’s permission.

He stepped into the dorm and slipped his shoes off noting there was nobody in the kitchen. He headed towards the living room and there he saw the members sitting around the room watching a show on the TV. Some of them looked more invested than others namely the oldest two members and Sunoo while Sunghoon was scrolling on his phone and half paying attention while Jungwon looked half-asleep.

However when they noticed Riki in the doorway they all looked surprised.

“Oh hey Riki-ah,” Heeseung greeted, “How come you’re back so early?”

Riki quickly came up with a lie, “Jake-hyung noticed I was really tired and he told me to come back to the dorm. He’ll be back later.”

Jay nodded slowly, eyeing Riki hesitantly before he spoke up, “You okay Riki?”

Riki internally sighed he both loved and detested how Jay was so observant sometimes and knew him so well.

“I’m fine hyung really. I’m just tired so I’m gonna shower then go to bed. Goodnight hyungs,” Riki said before heading down the hall and subsequently escaping any more questions.

He went to his bedroom to grab an oversized t-shirt and pair of shorts to wear to bed before hurrying out to the bathroom and locking the door behind him. Riki quickly wiped the tear that fell as soon as he shut the door and took in a shaky breath. He turned on the water and allowed his tears to be washed away down the drain as he showered.

Riki dragged himself back to his room after his shower and buried himself in his blankets. He needed his brain to shut up. He needed it to let him forget about the thoughts that he wasn’t good enough for a few hours. He needed that and yet he couldn’t get it as so many thoughts ran through his brain as he tossed and turned on his bed. Luckily the long day exhausted him too much for his brain to keep him up all night and he drifted off.

The next morning, Riki woke up to find the the bedroom empty meaning he was the last to wake up. He stretched as he got up before heading towards the kitchen to eat since the group had vocal practice, a photoshoot and then a filming for En O’ Clock that day.

“Morning hyungs,” the maknae greeted as he entered the kitchen.

All the members looked up and greeted him besides Jake who just stared down at his plate of food. Riki internally sighed a little, he missed his boyfriend and was hoping the older would at least greet him as a sign he would want to make peace.

Whenever they argued or disagreed with each other and it spilled over into the next day they would always greet each other in the morning say small things to each other and offer each other small smiles. It was how they showed that they were sorry and wanted to make amends and whenever they got a quiet moment together during the day apologies and a healthy conversation would ensue. So Riki’s heart sank a bit when Jake said nothing and didn’t even spare him a glance. It felt like his boyfriend didn’t even want to try with him.

He stayed mostly quiet throughout breakfast but none of the members took any notice of it, thinking that the maknae was just a little moody after waking up, because of teenager hormones and all. However Riki didn’t miss the unreadable glances Jungwon shot him from across the table.

After breakfast they all got ready for their schedules for the day and headed over to the company building for vocal lessons.

The members all greeted their vocal instructor who smiled warmly at them before telling them not to sit down as yet.

“I have an activity planned for you guys today, you’ll be working in pairs and one group of three to practice your harmonizing,” the woman told them.

“So Jay and Heeseung are together, Sunoo and Sunghoon and finally Jake, Jungwon and Ni-ki,” the vocal coach announced.

“Any objections?” she asked.

Riki noticed Jake about to open his mouth out of the corner of his eye but before he could say anything.

“Nope, sounds good Ma’am,” Jungwon agreed to which everyone nodded, except the Aussie who seemed to visibly deflate.

The leader moved over to the table on the right side of the room and Jake followed behind him. Riki internally sighed, he just had to get grouped with the two people he hadn’t spoken to since yesterday. But he quickly shook off the thought, he wasn’t upset with Jungwon, not really. He was a little annoyed by how pushy the older was but Riki knew he didn’t have any bad intentions, Jungwon was a great leader and extremely attentive but he was stubborn and sometimes he lacked tact. So even against better judgement he could push too much. Riki understood it but he didn’t hold anything against his hyung for it.

Jake on the other hand, things were so weird between him and Riki. Just two days ago they were being as loving as ever and enjoying each other’s company on the couch but then it was like a switch flipped in him when the leader asked them if they were dating when he turned irritated and uncharacteristically angry towards Riki.

The youngest reluctantly moved over to the corner of the room where the other two were seated and sat on the chair across from Jake. He stared at his boyfriend but it seemed the older was making it a mission to avoid eye contact with him. Jungwon cleared his throat to catch both of their attention to get started.

“Okay guys, so we have a few songs to get through,” he said as he shuffled through the song sheets on the table.

“Okay well we can start with TFW,” Riki suggested.

“You use your lower register while I handle the higher notes?” Jungwon asked him.

Riki nodded to give confirmation and they commenced going through the first verse and chorus, working well to harmonize with each other and give certain lines an interesting sound and extra depth.

Jake went next, with Jungwon still singing higher while the eldest in the trio explored his lower register. Since Jake usually sang using his middle and higher ranger it proved to be a bit of a challenge so Riki tried to offer a suggestion.

“Try and relax your jaw and tongue a little more hyung. They’re a bit too tense,” the dancer said.

Jake didn’t even glance at Riki or make a sound of acknowledgement.

“Hyung?” Riki tried.

The Aussie still stayed quiet and Jungwon glanced between the pair before he repeated what Riki said to Jake and the older gave him a nod. Riki’s heart dropped, did Jake really just so blatantly ignore him like that? Why the hell was he acting like this? The leader gave him a gentle glance and subtly squeezed Riki’s knee under the table before they got back to their activities.

The vocal practice was a slow and painful one with how awkward things were between the couple. Jungwon tried his best to maintain peace, however Jake wouldn’t even look at Riki and was being more than a little difficult to work with.

After 3 excruciatingly long hours, the group were free to go and went to meet up with their manager who was driving them to a studio for their photoshoot. Jungwon sat next to Riki and pat the boy’s shoulder but didn’t try to speak to the maknae throughout the ride which the Japanese boy was more than grateful for.

He didn’t feel like talking, not now. Even though he was sure Jungwon knew the truth about him and Jake, Riki was still so unsure. He was unsure where he stood with the older, if everything that Jake told him was actually true. Despite knowing the group would more than likely be supportive if they knew, Riki was afraid and even if Jake wasn’t speaking to him, the boy was afraid of betraying their promise of telling everyone together, when they were both ready.

Although Riki was upset he wouldn’t break that trust, he wouldn’t throw away their promise even if he wasn’t sure where his relationship stood.

Jungwon wrapped an arm around Riki’s waist when the pair exited the van and in turn the taller slung an arm around the leader’s shoulders. Riki knew the older wasn’t always the most physically affectionate but the fact that he was offering Riki physical contact to try and make him feel better was really considerate of him but the dancer couldn’t help but think the leader was sticking to him out of guilt and pity.

The group greeted all the staff of the shoot politely before they were quickly whisked away to get into their makeup and hair and get changed. They started off with individual shots. As usual, all the members were fawning over Riki’s pictures and showering him in praise, aside from Jake that is; the older continued to completely ignore him.

Riki ended up having some group shots with Jake and Jungwon while the rest of the members were on a lunch break and he was glad none of the photographers could tell the chemistry was off in their photos together. The photographer asked for a shot of Jake and Riki together. He posed them looking at each other while Riki’s arm rested on the elder’s shoulder while Jake gave him a side glance.

Riki gave his boyfriend a small smile when the Aussie was looking at him while the photographer snapped his shots. The older gave a small one in return before he turned away from him to look into the camera. The dancer felt a flicker of warmth before he noticed how the smile was morphed more into a grimace before it quickly disappeared.

It was not the genuine, gentle puppy smile that he usually got from the elder boy. Riki’s face dropped a little but he quickly shook it off since they were in the middle of shoot. He wasn’t going to let his emotions get in the way of his job.

The remaining three went on their lunch break after Jake and Riki finished their shots. The oldest of the three instantly grabbed his food and moved away from the youngest two, leaving Jungwon to pat Riki’s back gently to get him to eat.

Riki was truthfully upset, he had some hope when Jake had returned his smile but that hope was snuffed out just as fast when it faded. It was like his boyfriend just smiled at him to be polite or not cause an awkward moment in front of all the photoshoot staff.
Why was Jake being like this? Why was he completely ignoring Riki after he was the one who yelled at him before? Why-

“-iki, Riki!” Jungwon’s voice interrupted his thoughts.

“Hey you okay?” the leader asked him.

Riki nodded rapidly, “Yeah hyung, I’m fine. Why do you ask?”

Jungwon gave him a look the one that said ‘Don’t bullshit me kid’ before he spoke, “You’re not okay you completely zoned out just now and you haven’t touched your food. Not to mention how weird things have been with you and Jake-hyung the entire day. What’s going on Ki?” he asked gently.

And that’s why Jungwon was a good leader. He was so attentive and observant. He noticed every little thing, the other members were observant in their own ways too don’t get him wrong but Jungwon was just so aware of everything. It made sense that he was the first one to suspect Jake and Riki’s relationship and it made sense that that he realized that something was very off now.

The dancer always really adored that about Jungwon and he almost wanted to just spill everything to him, almost. But when he glanced at Jake across from them, he shut his mouth because he remembered their promise, their promise that genuinely meant so much to them and the amount of trust they had put into each other and despite everything Riki didn’t want to break that.

“It’s nothing hyung, really I’m fine,” the youngest told him, trying to sound as honest as could before he grabbed his food and began to eat. He knew that realistically the leader didn’t believe him but they were on a schedule for this shoot with limited time for lunch before they had to get started again, so Riki knew Jungwon couldn’t push him on this any further. Because he pushed enough and if he pushed anymore Riki knew everything would spill over the edge.

When the group returned to the company to shoot their En O’ Clock episode things between Riki and Jake were still strange and very tense. The youngest really didn’t have much hope left of his boyfriend trying to talk to him for the rest the day.

His hopes were even more dashed when Riki had literally just approached him to talk to Jake while they got their outfits for the shoot but the older just walked away.

However that immediately changed when the cameras started rolling. Jake was just acting like he wasn’t avoiding Riki like the plague the entire day. Riki was at least glad he had the decency to not let their private relationship affect their work and chemistry on screen, because if they spent the entire episode not talking to each other, their fans would absolutely notice.

They weren’t bantering like they usually would and the encouragements from Jake while they were playing games were half-hearted and forced to Riki’s ears but at least he was trying to make it look like things were good between them when that wasn’t the case. He was glad that to Engenes and that to the members besides from Jungwon it didn’t look like anything was going on. But Riki absolutely hated it.

He just wished things were actually like this with Jake. Riki wished his boyfriend wasn’t ignoring him or didn’t dismiss him and his feelings when Riki confronted him about something hurtful. He wished that he felt like Jake cared about him, because call him dramatic but how his own boyfriend was treating him made Riki feel extraordinarily unloved.

When the shoot wrapped, things were back to how they were the entire day. Jake ignoring Riki, none of the members besides Jungwon noticing and Riki being on the verge of a mental breakdown because of the shadow of insecurity and sadness looming over him.

As soon as they arrived at the dorm, Riki quickly grabbed his stuff to be first in the shower because he needed to be in private. He needed a moment to let go of this burden that was in him because it was crushing him and Riki just felt too heavy to bear it anymore.

He hurriedly locked the door behind him and turned on the water and just let himself cry. Pushing his hand against his mouth to muffle the sobs that wanted to rip out of his throat.

Jake meant so much to him, before a boyfriend, before anything else he was Riki’s hyung. Riki’s best friend, a mentor and a confidant. He meant so much to Riki and his words and actions always held so much weight to him. They always made Riki feel exactly what Jake wanted him to feel and made him feel loved and cared for.

Now he felt the complete opposite, he felt like he was a burden, like he didn’t matter. That one of the people closest to him didn’t truly give a fuck about his feelings and that made Riki’s heart ache.

Riki wiped away all evidence of his tears when he headed to the kitchen to get dinner. Jay had made some kimchi and rice so Riki took as little of a serving that he could get away with without Jay mothering him and telling him to eat more.

Luckily for Riki all the members seemed to be quite hungry so dinner was quiet and he didn’t need to worry about talking. But he didn’t miss the concerned glances that Jungwon discreetly shot at him every once in a while. Why did that boy have to be so perceptive and just know?

“Alright hyungs I’m gonna turn in for the night. I’m tired,” Riki announced as he took his bowl and placed it in the sink.

“Aww so you’re not going to join us for a movie Riki-yah?” Sunoo pouted slightly at him.

Riki shook his head, “Not tonight hyung. I’m exhausted. Goodnight.”

And that was the truth, Riki was exhausted physically and mentally yet his brain was still moving at a thousand miles per hour through all his shitty thoughts that he knew he wasn’t going to fall asleep until well into the night when his mind finally got tired of crushing Riki’s heart over and over again.

The boy buried under his covers only laving the lamp on the other side of the room on so his other hyungs would at least have some light when they came in. However as Riki said, he tossed and turned in bed for nearly an hour but couldn’t fall asleep.

He didn’t hear anyone come in until there was a weight behind him on the edge of his bed. Riki had a pretty decent guess as to who it was.

“Riki-ah? Can we talk?” Jungwon’s voice asked confirming his suspicions.

“There’s nothing for us to talk about hyung. I’m fine,” Riki said trying to push the leader away because he was just too close to falling over the edge and if Jungwon pushed anymore he would.

“Now I know you’re not Riki and it’s okay. I know I overstepped last night and I’m really sorry about that. But I also know you’re not okay and I hate seeing you like this. I want to help you, can you please talk to me?” Jungwon asked gently.

And that pushed Riki over the edge as he tossed his covers off and threw himself into Jungwon, wrapping his arms around his hyung’s neck as hot tears fell down his face.
Riki’s cries weren’t loud but the small sniffles and whimpers that he let out absolutely crushed the leader. He hated seeing his only dongsaeng like this.

“It’s okay Riki, it’s okay. I’m here, hyung’s here honey,” he assured the maknae as he wrapped his arms around Riki’s back.

Jungwon adjusted them so he was sitting against the wall and Riki was half on his lap as the youngest cried into his shoulder. He just whispered soothing words and rubbed the boy’s back trying to calm him down and after a few more minutes he stopped.

Riki pulled back from the hug to look Jungwon in the eye and his hyung was staring at him with nothing but concern.

“I’m really sorry, about yesterday by the way. I shouldn’t have pushed so much. I was out of line. But what’s going on Riki-ah?” Jungwon asked.

“It’s okay hyung. I was annoyed by how you were being kind of pushy but I’m not upset with you,” Riki told him.

“Then what’s got you so upset? It’s Jake right? I noticed him ignoring you today. Did you guys fight?” the leader asked.

Riki was silent for a moment but if he could tell anyone about what happened it was Jungwon. Initially he didn’t want to tell anyone since he was afraid it would be betraying Jake’s confidence but if any of the members were the best one to talk to it was Jungwon considering the leader seemed to know what was going on anyway.

“You won’t tell anyone else?” Riki asked wanting to ensure this stayed between them, he still wasn’t ready to tell the other members. Especially not now when he was even unsure of how his relationship with Jake stood.

“Of course Riki. This stays between us, I wouldn’t betray your trust,” the leader assures him softly.

Riki takes a deep breath before he begins.

“Jake and I are dating,” Riki admitted and his hyung didn’t look in the least bit surprised at that statement.

“We have been dating for the past 10 months of at least… we were,” Riki said thinking back on what the elder said.

Jungwon looked shocked at that, “Wait what do you mean ‘were’? Shit did you guys break up?” he asked worriedly.

“I mean… no but I think I’d prefer that to where we are now.

The elder just stared at him expectantly waiting for him to explain.

“When hyung said I’m too young and a brat and that he’d never date someone like me last night… I was really upset. It’s been something that I’ve been insecure about since before I confessed to him and when I did and told Jake about all of that; he assured me that all of that wasn’t true and he’s kept doing that ever since we started dating,” he explained.

“So when Jake said all of that I was really hurt and I was kind of cold to him at practice yesterday. I stayed back at practice because I wanted to talk to him. I was expecting him to say that he didn’t mean it and assure me it wasn’t true because I started believing that shit about myself all over again,” Riki went on as he felt a tear slip down his cheek.

“But he just… he didn’t do any of that hyung. I even apologized for being cold to him but he got so defensive and angry. He yelled at me and told me he ‘said what he needed to to get you off our backs’. But he didn’t need to say all that, especially when he knows those are my insecurities. Then he said that I’m so sensitive and I shouldn’t be upset with him because if he admitted to our relationship without me agreeing to that I would’ve been upset too. I told him that he didn’t need to say that but he just said that he was done talking about it and walked away from me,” Riki recapped their argument from the practice room.

The leader was stunned by Riki’s story. Why would Jake say all that and get so upset with Riki? Jungwon felt awful for not realizing how much their hyung’s words affected Riki before. But he also felt pissed at Jake for saying all that to Riki and upsetting the boy so much.

“I don’t know why he got so mad,” Riki sniffled as his tears began to fall again.

“I think that he meant it,” Riki said honestly, “I don’t think I’m good enough for Jake-hyung.”

“Don’t you dare fucking say you’re not good enough Nishimura Riki,” Jungwon said voice stern yet eyes filled with compassion.

“You are more than good enough and anyone would be lucky to have you. You’re not a brat at all Riki you can have your bratty moments but whenever you do they’re adorable and never actually annoy any of us. It’s a part of your charm. And who cares if you’re a little young? You’re so mature and intelligent. Of course you’re inexperienced but all of us are considering that we all opted out of normal teenage lives to become idols,” the leader told him.

“Riki you’re an amazing person and you would be an amazing partner to anyone. Jake was in the wrong to say all of that about you. But, and of course you can correct me if I’m wrong but you and Jake love each other. I can see it. You both care about each other so much and I think the only way for you two to resolve this is to talk to each other. However since you’ve tried, let him come to you and if he doesn’t you go to him. I’m really rooting for you two and I don’t think that your relationship is unsalvageable so don’t act like it is Riki-yah,” his hyung advised him gently.

Riki smiled at the absolute sincerity of his leader’s words. Jungwon was really an amazing hyung and cared so much for his members. He always took care of the maknae and Riki doesn’t think he’s ever been more grateful for it. He’s glad that Jungwon was so understanding yet also offered a solution. The leader was really wise beyond his years and Riki knew he would take his advice.

He didn’t realize how much be needed to hear the words that he was enough from someone. How much he needed to be reminded that those words that stuck in his head and echoed through his mind weren’t true.

As much as he wanted to go to Jake, he had tried and gotten pushed away. It was Jake’s turn to try and fix the problem he caused but if he couldn’t, if he was too afraid or ashamed, Riki would go to him. He wouldn’t leave this relationship, he wouldn’t leave this person who he cared so much for out of his life just like that.

“Thank you Wonie-hyung,” Riki said gratefully.

“Anytime Riki-ah. I’ll always take care of my dongsaeng. You’re my baby you know?” Jungwon told him as he gave him a hug.

The Japanese boy smiled as his hyung held him close before the pair eventually moved to laying down on his bed, cuddled up to one another and drifted off to sleep.

Riki woke up the next day feeling lighter, he felt less burdened after his conversation with Jungwon even though he wasn’t completely okay.

“Morning hyungs,” Riki greeted.

All the members looked up and responded to the maknae before going back to eating besides Jake who didn’t even spare Riki a glance which made the boy’s mood drop a bit.

Jungwon noticed Riki’s mood and got out of his chair to come over to the boy.

“Hey Riki-yah, let me get you a plate,” the leader told him kindly.

Riki knew that his youngest hyung was aware that he was upset but he didn’t want his leader to feel obliged to take care of him just because things between him and Jake weren’t great.

As Jungwon grabbed him a plate and moved over to the counter where pancakes were sitting Riki followed him over and stood beside him.

“Hyung, you know you don’t have to be so sweet and take care of me because things with me and Jake-hyung aren’t great,” the dancer whispered to the elder.

The leader stopped what he was doing to stare at him for a solid ten seconds before answering.

“Riki-yah, I’m not taking care of you because I feel bad for you if that’s what you’re implying,” he whispered back, “I’m taking care of you because you’re upset and you’re my only dongsaeng. Like I said last night you’re my baby. You deserve to be taken care of,” he whispered sweetly.

Riki almost felt a tear well in his eye as Jungwon finished his speech and turned back to placing pancakes on Riki’s plate. Every word from his leader was so sincere and it made Riki feel so assured. He felt guilty for thinking the elder just pitied him when Jungwon wasn’t like that. He didn’t pity him but he understood, he cared about him and that’s why he was watching over Riki.

“Thank you hyung,” Riki whispered sincerely before pulling the older into a quick side hug which was instantly returned.

“Of course Riki-yah. Now go eat,” the leader told him sternly while handing him his plate.

Riki giggled at his hyung’s shift in tone, never failing to be surprised from how Jungwon could go from soft and sweet to serious. The elder joined in, chuckling lightly ; the two youngest members completely missing the cold stare from a certain hyung at the kitchen table.

The maknae sat next to the leader throughout breakfast as the group talked about their schedules for the day, cracked jokes and bickered lightheartedly. But Riki didn’t miss that Jake was the only one who seemed to look away when he would make a comment or crack a joke.

After breakfast, the group had to head over to the company to do a V-Live for their fans, as well as another dance practice. Riki wasn’t anticipating the live at all because of how Jake acted while they were on cameras yesterday.

He was glad that he was trying to make things look normal between them on camera so none of their fans would comment on any tension or lack of interaction between them. But he wished the older boy would just talk to him and try to make amends. Riki wanted to go to his boyfriend and try and fix things but Jungwon’s advice from the night before echoed in his head about giving Jake time and letting him come to Riki.

As the dancer suspected, the Aussie spoke to him or told him messages that Engenes left for him in their comments. It almost felt normal until Riki remembered how things truly were between them at the time.

Jungwon noticed their hyung’s behavior as well and subtly pat the boy’s leg and wrapped an arm around Riki’s shoulder and Riki leaned against his hyung. Physical contact was always a big comfort for the maknae when he couldn’t talk about his feelings. He was actually really glad that he had opened up to Jungwon because he had someone who understood.

“The maknaes are so cute,” Jay read aloud as he turned around to see the youngest two members cuddled up to each other on the couch behind him.

“Awww, they are cute aren’t they?” Sunghoon cooed at the pair and smiled fondly at them.

The rest of the members all smiled fondly and cooed at the sight of their two youngest besides Jake who just gave them a weird stare before turning back around to face the camera.

The live went on and Riki noticed Jake being mysteriously quiet throughout the rest of the time. Before long the staff told them that they had to get ready to go to dance practice so they all wrapped up the live and said goodbye to the Engenes before the staff ended the live and the boys headed to their practice room.

Of course, Jake’s behavior shifted back to how he’s been when it comes to Riki the past few days while he was his usual self with the other members.

Riki was actually able to focus on practice and wasn’t disappointed in how he was doing and didn’t allow himself to get distracted by his emotions like he was the day he and Jake argued.

When the break came around all the other members went to get water and relax for a bit, but Riki being as critical as ever of himself when he came to dance was just going over the moves and making sure he perfected them to his standard.

“Riki, come on. Time for a break,” Jungwon told him sternly before the dancer was going to start the section he’s been practicing again.

“Just one more time hyung?” the maknae asked giving his hyung puppy eyes and his adorable duck pout.

Jungwon folded his arms over his chest and stared at Riki before letting out a laugh.

“You can’t just give me your cute pout and expect to get what you want. Come on you’re taking a break,” the leader insisted as he put a hand on Riki’s back to gently push the boy over to the wall to sit down.

Riki sighed lightly knowing that arguing with his hyung was pointless and that Jungwon was looking out for him and that of course he was right about him needing to take a break regardless of how much of a perfectionist he was.

“Here you go,” the leader said as he handed the younger boy his water bottle.

“Thanks hyung,” he said gratefully before taking a drink.

“How are you doing?” Jungwon whispered to him.

Riki looked down at his feet, he didn’t really know if he was being honest. He both felt better after talking to his youngest hyung but still had those insecurities nagging at the back of his brain that stemmed from what Jake said and how his boyfriend has been treating him.

He significantly missed Jake, he really did. He wanted things to be how they were before that confrontation in the kitchen between them but also knew that they couldn’t just brush past this and go back to that. They needed to talk about it, Jake needed to talk about it with him. Riki needed to know if Jake really meant what he said and if he wasn’t the right person for his hyung as much as the thought of that hurt.

Riki truthfully just wanted an apology and an explanation from Jake, he wanted his best friend back.

“Hey don’t overthink so much,” Jungwon said quietly, suddenly breaking Riki out of his thoughts, “it isn’t good for you, you know.”

“I know hyung, but I just can’t help it and I don’t really know what to say I feel. I just… I miss Jake-hyung,” Riki admitted.

Jungwon gave him a sad smile before pulling the younger close to him, letting Riki lean his head on his shoulder.

“I’m really sorry about all this Riki-yah,” he apologized as he carded a hand through the youngest’s hair.

“You don’t have to apologize hyung,” Riki responded quietly as he closed his eyes contentedly at how the elder’s gentle fingers carded through his hair. Jungwon noticed and smiled as he continued seeing how the maknae relaxed against him.

The two completely missed the eyes glaring at them from across the room.

Riki expected Jake to come to him, however now it’s been almost two weeks of Jake just ignoring him all the time besides when they were on camera. And if he was being honest, it was starting to piss Riki off. Now it felt like the Australian was just being petty. Riki just wanted a conversation and an apology but his own boyfriend was treating him like a stranger and nobody besides Jungwon seemed to notice.

However, Riki was infinitely grateful for Jungwon. They’ve spent a lot of time together during the past few weeks and the leader was always providing a comforting presence for him.

All the members had gathered in the living room on a day off and were watching a series on the TV. Jungwon and Riki were cuddling each other comfortably as the show went on and for the first time in weeks Riki felt decently relaxed besides some of the underlying feelings he was still juggling with how Jake was treating him.

Speaking of Jake, he just seemed to grow colder as the days went on, Riki would catch the elder staring at him with an almost pissed off and cold expression on his face. The maknae really didn’t understand why considering the elder was the one who started this shit in the first place. But realistically Riki also knew he was growing more upset at Jake the longer this went on.

However the last thing Riki expected was for the Australian to glance over at him and Jungwon cuddled up together and him catching the older boy’s eye and the visible shift of Jake’s face from an unreadable expression to anger.

“God can you two just fucking cut it out?” he snapped at the youngest two members as he stood up off the couch.

The members were all completely stunned by Jake’s outburst.

“Jake what the hell man? They’re not doing anything why are you so pissed?” Jay jumped to the defense of the youngest two who were the subject of Jake’s anger for seemingly no reason.

“Stay out of this Jay. Jungwon you get your fucking hands off my boyfriend. You’ve been all over him for weeks!” Jake continued to yell.

And Riki felt his blood boil. All of a sudden Jake cared after spending weeks of treating Riki like shit? And not to mention he had the audacity to yell at him and Jungwon in front of everyone. Riki truly was tired of this.

“Oh so now i’m your boyfriend? When Jungwon asked weeks ago I was too young and a brat and you ‘would never date someone like me’. Why the fuck do you care all of a sudden?” Riki yelled back as he stood up off the couch.

The others were absolutely stunned both by the revelation of these two being a couple and the fact that they were so furious at each other right now.
Sunghoon spoke up and tried to interject, “Riki, Jake…”
But it fell on deaf ears as everything that Riki has been holding in for weeks bubbled to the surface.

“You haven’t acted like my boyfriend in weeks and now you suddenly think you have some claim to me after you pushed me away?” he yelled incredulously at the elder.

“Clearly you didn’t really need me to be your boyfriend when you just ran off to someone else like I was fucking dispensable! Why didn’t you just talk to me instead of clinging to someone else?” Jake shouted back at him as he gestured to Jungwon who was sitting behind Riki.

“There’s no way that you just fucking said that. I tried Jake! I tried to talk to you! That’s why I confronted you about what you said about me to Jungwon and you just pushed me away! So don’t you dare fucking tell me that I didn’t try!” Riki snapped.

“Why didn’t you just come and try again with me?” Jake asked still sounding angry yet seeming to falter as he realized he was losing a point.

And Riki’s heart stung because he did. He tried to talk to Jake, he tried his best but the elder was the one who ignored him and just ran away.

“Because you weren’t there!” he snapped feeling his voice shake, “Because you pushed me away Jake! Jungwon was the person who cared after you basically said I wasn’t enough for you,” Riki felt his voice break and tears start streaming down his cheeks.

“Why am I not good enough for you?” Riki asked voice breaking as he cried.

Jake’s eyes completely softened upon seeing Riki break down and the hyungs faces were all painted in concern seeing Riki clearly having a breakdown.

“Riki…” Jake said softly as he walked forward and extended an arm to the younger but the boy flinched away.

Jungwon jumped up and pulled the boy into a hug while the youngest cried into his shoulder. The members were still completely stunned from the revelations and the entire argument between the pair but quickly moved to calm Riki.

Jungwon gave Jake a look as he moved to sit down with Riki between the two eldest and the three quickly moved to calm the youngest while Sunghoon and Sunoo pulled Jake to sit down as the Aussie looked so remorseful as he stood frozen staring at Riki.

“It’s alright Riki. Breathe, it’s okay,” Heeseung soothed the youngest.

“Hyungs are right here sweetheart, we’re here,” Jay assured him although he sounded guilty after not realizing something was wrong sooner.

Eventually, Riki calmed down and sat back against the couch while all the members stared at him and Jake seeming to try and figure out what to say.

“Okay, so obviously there is a big issue between you two.” Jay spoke up as he gestured between the couple, “And you guys are dating which is a big surprise to all of us…” he trailed off.

“There’s really a lot to unpack here, so can you guys tell us what’s going on?” Sunghoon asked.

“We hate seeing both of you mad at each other like this and clearly this has been festering for a while and you’re having some difficulty figuring this out by yourselves. So as your friends. Let us help you,” Sunoo said.

Jake and Riki looked at each other before the older boy nodded to Riki, “I think that Riki would explain it best,” he said softly.

“Riki-yah?” Heeseung turned to him.

So Riki took in a deep breath before explaining the situation from Jungwon confronting them into the kitchen and what Jake said that upset him, to his confrontation in the practice room with Jake which went absolutely awfully. He explained how he was feeling from what Jake did and that Jungwon was the one who noticed and asked him what was going on which lead to Riki telling him the truth. Riki sighed when he reached the end before glancing at Jake who looked so terribly guilty as he stared at his hands in his lap.

The members all nodded and were silent for a moment before they stared at Jake with matching looks of disappointment.

“So Jake, can you tell us why you said all of that about Riki when Jungwon asked if you were dating?” Heeseung asked.

“I shouldn’t have and there’s really no good excuse,” Jake answered as he looked at Riki apologetically, “It’s not an excuse but I was just annoyed. I wasn’t ready for Riki and I to reveal our relationship but Jungwon was so pushy and the week had been so stressful. It all built up and I got irritated and wrongfully so. I just said whatever I could to get him to stop. I didn’t think about it. I really didn’t but I should’ve. I’m really sorry about that Riki-san,” Jake said gently.

“Then why’d you get upset when I confronted you about it hyung? What you said hurt me so much, especially since you know it’s something I’m insecure about and have struggled with since the beginning of our relationship,” Riki said, just wanting to know why Jake would get angry if he knew he had screwed up.

“Truthfully the next day I really didn’t think about it which is why I was just acting as usual. It was only when you were cold to me at dance practice and I wracked my brain to figure out why. When I did, I just got so angry at myself, angry that I would use that against you to hurt you,” the elder said.

“When you stayed back, I was really just fighting with myself and I had just gotten more and more furious at myself. I wanted to just apologize to you, I really did but on my own time. I stayed back because I wanted to just try and make sure I was calm before I came to you because I didn’t want to hurt you anymore but I fucked up and that’s exactly what I did,” Jake looked at him apologetically.

“I had no right to treat you how I did that night Riki. I just snapped, I shouldn’t have. I’m so so sorry Riki about everything I said. I’m sorry that I called you sensitive when everything you were feeling was valid. I was a dick to you and I wanted to fix it. I really did but I knew I also had to give you time because I fucked up and I really hurt you. I’m so so sorry,” the Aussie said remorsefully.

“You tried, you tried so hard to talk to me. But I noticed how Jungwon had started clinging to you and it’s so petty and stupid but I got jealous,” Jake admitted which surprised Riki a bit.

“I got jealous about how close you two were and in my head it just made me take a step back. My dumbass just was so petty and I ignored you because I was jealous and I was too much of a coward to come to you,” Jake went on.

Riki softened hearing Jake’s words. The elder wasn’t excusing his actions but instead offering a proper explanation and apologizing which is all Riki has wanted to hear for the past few weeks.

“You should’ve come to me hyung,” Riki said gently.

Jake nodded, “Yeah, I know. I should have but I was an idiot. I am an idiot. I don’t deserve you when I hurt you so bad and make you feel like shit. I talked to you on camera but treated you like shit whenever we weren’t in front of one. I’m really sorry about everything Riki and I’m sorry that I didn’t try to make amends. What I said, how I treated you, I’m sorry for all of it and I’m so sorry for yelling at you and accusing you of not trying when that’s all you’ve ever done with me. You put everything into this relationship and more. I fucked up horribly and I don’t expect you to forgive me but if you’ll let me I want to make it up to you. You deserve that.”

And like Riki said he’s down bad for Jake, absolutely whipped because he loved that boy and hearing such a genuine apology was what Riki craved. He craved an explanation and clarity on this whole thing and Jake gave it mostly… but there was that one thing just nagging at the back of his mind.

“Jake… am I good enough for you? Tell me honestly. Or am I too young, too much of a brat? Do you want to be with me?” Riki asked the question that had been burning within him for far too long.

Jake gaped at him before getting up and moving next to the boy on the couch, making everyone move over to give the couple some room. The Aussie took Riki’s smaller hands in his own and stared the taller boy in the eye.

“Nishimura Riki. You listen to me and you listen well. I absolutely fucked up. You spent months confiding in me about the insecurities and I hurt you by what I said and I am so so sorry for that baby. But you are more than good enough. You’re perfect, I know that nobody is perfect but you are perfect in my world and every other one. You are perfect for me,” Jake said sincerely.

“You’re young sure, but you are so mature and so intelligent. Sometimes I wonder if I’m really the older one in our relationship because you just shock me with how wise you are sometimes. You sound like someone far beyond your age a lot of the time and you’re not a brat, sure sometimes you can act whiny and have your moments but it’s never annoying, absolutely never. In fact every time it makes my heart absolutely melt,” Jake chuckled lightly at the end as Riki blushed a little.

“You are exactly who I want to be with, because I want you Nishimura Riki, only you. You are the person for me and I’m so sorry that I ever made you feel otherwise. I love you Riki-san, I really do baby. I love you, every single part of you,” Jake smiled gently at him as he gave Riki’s hands a squeeze.

And Riki thought he would burst. Every word from Jake was so sincere, so sure and so honest. The only way Riki could describe it was like Jake took his heart straight out of his chest and handed it to Riki to show him how big of a space he hand in it and to lay how he felt about Riki completely bare to him.

Riki felt so loved. He felt loved and knew he was loved and it made his heart bloom because he loved Jake too.

“I love you too Jake. I really do, thank you for apologizing. I may not fully accept it and you do have to make it up to me. But you have such a big place in my heart and in my life. I couldn’t imagine myself without you. Thank you for reminding me that I am enough. I love you,” Riki said sincerely feeling a tear slip down his cheek.

Jake took one of his hands and wiped Riki’s tear away, “You are more than enough Riki, always have been and you always will be.”

Riki smiled at his boyfriend and didn’t even realize Jake moving closer until his lips were almost on his and as Riki was bout to close it a voice spoke up.

“Well I’m glad you two made up but I don’t want to see Jake-hyung all over our maknae,” Sunoo interrupted them causing Riki to blush a bright red while his boyfriend just huffed and rolled his eyes.

“I’m with Sun on that one,” Sunghoon added, “Also I’m really happy for you guys, I wish we found out in a way that wasn’t caused by you two arguing but you guys are really cute together.”

“Yeah, you two really fit each other,” Heeseung complimented.

“Jake take care of Riki because if you hurt him like this again I’m sorry but there isn’t a place in this world that you can hide from me,” Jay smiled menacingly at the Aussie before giving Riki a softer more affectionate one.

Jungwon gave the youngest a smile, which the boy reciprocated before the group turned their focus back to the show. Jake pulled Riki onto his lap and snuggled his boyfriend and thus the afternoon was filled with questions about their relationship along with some teasing from the members, but Riki and Jake couldn’t bring themselves to care.

Later that night, Riki ran into Jungwon as he was leaving the bathroom.

“Hey Wonie-hyung,” he greeted.

“Hi Riki-ah,” the elder responded.

“I just wanted to say thank you for everything these past couple of weeks. Thank you so much for looking out for me and being there for me, you’re really an amazing hyung,” Riki told him sincerely.

Jungwon reached a hand out and lightly pat the taller’s shoulder, “There’s no need to thank me Riki. Like I said you’re my only dongsaeng and you’re like my best friend. I’ll always take care of you and even though Jake may call you it,” he added in a teasing tone, “you’re still my baby. I’ll always be there for you.”

Riki smiled gratefully at his hyung before pulling the shorter boy into a hug, “Still hyung, thank you.”

After his talk with Jungwon, Riki headed down the hall to 2J’s room and knocked on the door. Once he heard a faint ‘come in’ he entered.

“Oh, hey Riki-san,” Jake gave him a smile which Riki returned.

Jay however seemed to read the room, “Okay you two can be gross in here. I’ll sleep in Riki’s bed tonight,” he told them before leaving, but the couple didn’t miss the fond smile on his face as he walked past Riki and out the door.

“Hi Jake-hyung,” the younger said as he sat down in front of the Aussie on his bed.

“I missed you,” Jake said softly as he took the boy’s hand.

“I missed you too,” Riki told him, understanding exactly what the elder meant. The two sat in silence for a moment before Jake spoke up.

“I meant everything I said earlier Riki, you are perfect and the perfect one for me. I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. You mean so much to me and I love you,” Jake told him.

“And like I said to you I couldn’t imagine not having you in my life. I love you Jake,” Riki spoke meaning every word.

The Australian boy gave him that smile, the one that Riki absolutely fell in love with before he wrapped his arms around Riki’s waist and pulled him into a hug as he collapsed back on the bed with the boy half laying on top of him.

Riki let out a small giggle as he enjoyed being so close to Jake and savored this moment as he laid his head on Jake’s shoulder and let his boyfriend hold him close.

After a moment, Riki moved his up slightly only to see Jake staring at him.

“What?” he asked.

“Nothing, you’re just beautiful,” the shorter boy answered.

Riki blushed, “So are you Jake-hyung.”

And Riki didn’t realize the gap between them was slowly disappearing until he felt Jake’s lips ghosting over his own. The older gazed at his eyes before closing the gap between them and Riki felt pure bliss.

They kiss slow and unrushed, holding so much love and passion as their lips slotted together as if they just fit each other, like two missing puzzle pieces that were meant to slot with one another. It was perfect.

It was more than enough.