Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Our local Sea monster!” Luffy almost announced to no one in particular, staring down the serpentine beast rushing towards his dinghy, his eyes locked onto the beast with unflinching determination “sorry I have to do this but, I’ve been meaning to pay you back!” 

He grinned, shooting his arm back and feeling his body stretch, his fist almost reaching back to fistbump Makino one last time before it stopped, elasticity at its limit, and he let it snap forward, giving it even more speed by twisting his torso. 

His punch would knock it out. He was sure of it. 

Then, something he couldn’t have imagined happened. 

A woman blinked into existence above the Lord of the Coast, her white hair swaying with the wind as she looked around in panic, then her amber eyes landed on him. 

She shot him a smile that matched his own, and Luffy was lost on what to think for a moment, the feeling of camaraderie igniting in his chest like a blazing inferno. 

He didn’t stop his fist, his attack continuing as the woman landed on the head of the Sea King, sounds of shattering bone echoing over the choppy waves. The Lord of the coast let out a wheeze as it started drifting with the waves, already knocked out by the airborne attacker.  

His punch hit her on the chest, and the woman laughed it off, grabbing his wrist and letting herself get pulled into his dinghy as his arm snapped back. She crashed against him with a giddy laugh, pinning him to the deck under her massive form. 

Luffy looked owlishly up at the woman hovering over him, and she gave him a grin that felt familliar. She was thirsty for adventure; he could feel that in his elastic bones. For once in his life, he was at an utter loss for words. 

“Hey, Luffy! Lemme join your crew!” 

Luffy blinked, and his brain finally rebooted; his face splitting into a smile that threatened to leave the tight confines of his cheeks. “Sure!” 

She cheered, hugging him against her chest with a boisterous laugh that matched his own, wiggling with excitement. “Let’s go!”

Luffy laughed and wrapped his arms around her waist tightly, returning the hug. “First day and already a new crewmate! Being a pirate is the best!” 

Makino rubbed her eyes again, trying to make sure she wasn’t seeing things. 

Whoopslap looked like he was going through the same process. 

“...did- did a seven-foot-tall woman just…”

“Uh-uh” Makino nodded, looking back at the two pirates that looked like they could barely fit inside the dinghy. “I think she’s closer to nine feet…” she added, trying to focus on something more tangible. 

Whoopslap groaned, rubbing his face “Open the bar, please. I need a stiff drink.” 

Makino hummed, barely seeing the red horns poking out of the white hair that seemed to flow with the waves of the sea. She could only blink as she watched the… stowaway? start to cuddle their rascal as the dinghy floated away. “...I think I need one as well, mayor.” 

It was an hour before the coin dropped, and Luffy blinked, looking at the woman who was currently hugging him from behind. He was never the one to shy away from physical contact, hell it— “you’re comfy.” he stated matter-of-factly, leaning back onto the softness that was her chest. What had Ace called them again…

“And you’re small!” his new crewmate shot back with a grin in her voice. “Can’t wait to find the one piece together!” 

“Yeah!” Luffy cheered, pumping his fists up in the air “I’m going to be the king of the—” the statement died in his mouth and his head snapped back to her, his neck stretching in a way that always spooked Dadan. “Huh?” 

She giggled, patting his cheek, and avoiding his hat in the process. “You’re going to be the king of the pirates?” 

She blinked once after she said it, and the coin dropped for her too “oh! I forgot, you didn’t tell me yet!” 

“ Huh?” Luffy’s head was starting to ache already, trying to figure out what was going on. Then, his brain snapped like a rubber band and reached the simplest explanation “you can read minds!?” 

Her eyes widened “you know about that!?” 

Mystery woman. His brain supplied, and Luffy huffed with a sage nod. “Right, I understand now.”  

“Great!” she cheered happily, excited that she didn’t need to explain herself further. “So where to, Luffy?” 

Luffy thought long and hard. “Dunno. Guess more crewmates first?” 

She nodded with a hum, then her body flinched, Luffy turning to see her eyes lock onto a different side. “Oh, I can feel Nami!”

“Nami?” Luffy mumbled, not recognizing the name “who’s that?” 

The white-haired giant blushed and covered her mouth. “Oh…uh…no spoilers!” 

Another mystery woman. His brain supplied with ease, it was still struggling to figure out what spoiler meant, but he chalked that up to another mystery thing. “So many mysteries.” he hummed sagely, before looking back at his first crewmate “let’s go find her! This sounds fun!” 

She cheered, pumping her fists up before they grabbed the oars, starting to paddle rapidly. With their combined strength they managed to cause the dinghy’s front to lift out of the water, the small boat  skipping along the waves.

“Pirates off the starboard bow!” 

The call almost sounded like music to Nami’s tired ears. If she had to listen to one more rich bastard try to use their shitty pickup lines on her she was going to tear her own ears off. Leaning against the wall, she steadied herself as the rest of the occupants of the cruise liner started to panic rushing to and fro in an effort to escape. 

To where, she didn’t know. They were on a boat.

That's when her ears caught something unusual. Giggling. 

Giggling which was getting louder and louder, faster than anything that could be on the waters, except…

Why would they be here!?

Something crashed onto the opposite side of the ship, sounds of wooden beams clattering against each other echoing in her finely tuned senses. That didn’t make sense. The pirates were supposed to be coming from the other side… was she confusing the layout of the ship? That wasn’t possible, she was the best when it came to mapping out areas. 

Alvida pirates managed to get on board during her small bout of confusion, calling out to the other passengers to stand down and hand over their valuables. 

Then hell broke loose. 

A giant woman, pulled up by a shorter man, hopped aboard, both laughing giddily at something. Nami didn’t even know women could get so tall. Her eyes landed on the man next to the tall beauty, taking in the straw-hatted teen wearing a red cardigan and denim pants, smiling and talking to the woman that looked like she’d jumped out of a different timeline. Nami could recognize what she was wearing as something close to what she knew to be from a far-off land, white kimono with a red hakama, an egregiously big knot hanging off her back. 

Nami could just blink, her brain struggling to explain just what she was looking at. None of this made sense. She didn’t even want to take note of the red horns on top of her head. 

Seems like the Alvida crew had the same issue, all of the pirates turning around and looking at the two that had joined them on the deck. “Who the hell are you!?” 

“Monkey D Luffy!” the roguish, short man announced, puffing up his chest. “Next pirate king!” 

“Yamato!” the woman boasted, puffing up her chest. Nami felt bad for her kimono straining against her shapely form, it looked like it was about to tear off. “Next Kouziki Oden!” 

“Ooooh!” Luffy whistled, his head snapping to look at the woman with stars in his eyes. “Who’s that?” 

The woman shot him a smirk and a wink, turning to look at…

Nami paled as she glared directly at her. Did I steal from them? What is Happening!?

Yamato’s face broke out into a grin “Nami! It’s been too long!” 

In a blink, the taller woman pulled her into a hug, shoving Nami’s face into her surprisingly soft chest, swinging the navigator around with a laugh.

“Mystery woman!” Luffy accused, shooting his arm out, grabbing onto the mast, and snapping down on the ground next to the two with a laugh “we found you!” 

Nami babbled, brain firing every single nerve at the same time, none of the signals approaching sanity. 

“Who’s the most beautiful woman of the seas!?” 

Their merriment paused, Yamato and Luffy turning to face a new arrival. 

Somehow, there was yet another woman that was larger than usual, as wide as Yamato was tall. Nami’s eyes were getting glazed over. 

“Wanna kick her ass?” Yamato mumbled, looking down at Luffy. 

“That thing is a she? ” Luffy barked, holding onto his hat like it was about to fly off from his shock. “I didn’t know girls could look that way—” his face scrunched, and tilted his head to the side “...oh wait, yeah kinda looks like Dadan. Nevermind.” 

The new arrival’s rage grew visible, every other pirate taking fearful steps away from the so-called woman. “H-How Dare you!?” she growled through clenched teeth, shooting a dangerous look to the side. “Coby, who am I!?” 

Yamato blinked to another spot again, appearing in front of the pink-haired boy most had ignored till that very moment “oh! Didn’t recognize you Coby! Man, you’re so weak here!” 

Nami blinked and looked down at her feet, realizing that she was back on the ground. “Wh-what is happening?” she mumbled, looking to her side, trying to get some form of an anchor with Luffy.

“Adventure!” he stated wistfully, not helping her at all. 

Alvida, getting enough of this utter nonsense, decided to do what she always did when things weren’t going her way. Smash it with her mace. 

Alvida had wound up halfway to smack the tall bitch before the short man blitzed her from the side, his arms stretching in a way that they surely couldn't, her eyes widened as she looked back at his roguish grin and determined eyes. 

It was love at first sight. 

“Don’t attack my crewmate from behind!” her love bellowed, and his arms snapped forward, slamming her stomach and sending her flying. 

Nami blinked.

She rubbed her eyes and blinked again. Her eyes must be wrong. She must’ve been dreaming. Her vision settled on the tall woman teasing and pinching the cheeks of the pink-haired child that had a navy-inspired shirt, and the man who was watching the woman he’d sent to the upper atmosphere with a whistle. 

What .

Yamato suddenly shot to her feet, looking to the side “Navy, we should bounce!” 

That does it!

“We aren’t leaving till I loot their shit!” Nami screamed, stomping her foot down.

Both Luffy and Yamato turned to her with raised eyebrows. They looked between each other with a laugh. 

What were they?

“They must have good food!” Luffy announced, rubbing his stomach. “Let's go!” 

Nami’s eyes widened as the man’s arm shot out, wrapping around her waist, pulling her against her before he grabbed onto Yamato, the taller woman jumping onto the pink pirate ship and pulling them across. 

Nami screamed during the entire process. 

How in the fuck did she end up in this position?

That thought ran through Nami’s head with every lap of the waves against the small life raft they’d borrowed after Yamato, Luffy and her took everything valuable and edible from the pirate vessel. Now the two were looking to the seas with wide smiles on their faces, turning around to play patty cake of all things whenever they got bored. 

“...what is going on?” She mumbled finally, letting out a breath. “Who are you two?” 

“Next pirate k—” Nami clapped a hand over the rubber moron’s mouth. 

“That’s not answering my question.” she insisted. “How do you know me?” 

Luffy’s eyes landed on Yamato, and the taller woman looked decidedly uncomfortable, whistling and avoiding her gaze “It’s a seeecret!~” she mumbled with the side of her mouth. 

“I’ll tear those horns off your head.” Nami threatened. She doubted she could do it but still said it with enough authority to make it somewhat believable. Luffy shuddered with fear next to her, and Yamato’s hands went up to her horns protectively. 

Good, they bought it.

“I- hehehe… uh…” the giant woman poked her tongue out with a sigh. “I’m kinda from the future…”

Nami’s hand fell off Luffy’s mouth as the statement registered.

“Oh, that makes sense.” Luffy hummed, clapping his fist over his palm.

Nami felt like screaming. “What do you mean you’re from the future!?” 

“Wellllll….” the taller woman rubbed the back of her head, making her long hair jiggle. “I can’t say more! It’d be spoilers!” 

Nami’s face twitched. “ Bullshit! ”

“I’m being honessttt!” Yamato insisted, her shoulders slumping and pulling Luffy into her lap, hugging him like a teddy bear. “Luffy Nami’s being mean to me!” 

He shot her a disappointed look which somehow worked , the young navigator’s heart clenching in a weird way. 

The moment passed, and Nami smacked Luffy upside the head, the man screeching with pain. Yamato looked at the interaction with stars in her eyes. “You know it already! So cool!” 

“ Know what!? ” Nami barked, still lost on what the other woman was on about. “You’ll need to prove you’re from the future, tell me something only I would know!” 

Yamato craned her neck, chewing on her lips with thought. “Something that wouldn’t be part of our journey for One Piece…” 

Hold up .

“You’re saying we traveled the grand line!?” Nami accused, jabbing a finger against the taller woman’s chest.

“Impossible!” 

All heads turned to the young man also on the boat. Nami couldn’t believe she’d missed him this entire time. Coby, right?

“You all couldn’t have possibly done that!” the child insisted, shaking up a storm “there is no way, no way!” 

Yamato reached forward, and flicked the kid on the forehead, causing him to wince and shut up. “Get a grip.” 

Coby nodded and sniffled. 

Luffy nodded sagely, “it’s where my dream leads, I’ve got to sail it.” he stopped and looked up at Yamato with a dangerous glint in his eyes. “Don’t tell me how it ends.” 

Yamato grinned widely “wouldn’t think of it, captain!” 

Nami doubted that she could ever follow that moron to the next island, let alone the grand line. “I still don’t believe you, Oni-woman.”

Yamato tapped her forehead and squinted her eyes, poking her tongue out with effort. “I should have something that wouldn’t be part of the journey to say…” 

Nami looked at her with an unimpressed glare. 

“Oh right!” 

Luffy blinked owlishly as Yamato leaned in and whispered into Nami’s ear. 

“You love it when…”

Nami’s face bloomed into a blush, her entire body shuddering as the woman counted off things she’d never imagined doing, her vision starting to swim as a part of her grew aroused with the descriptions.

Yamato pulled back with a smug look in her eyes, sure that her point was proven as she patted Luffy’s shoulder. The man looked more interested in how the clouds looked. 

Nami’s face burned as she looked at the man, her heart hammering in her chest harder and harder with each passing second. 

“It stretches!? ”

Luffy jerked and turned to nod at her. “Everything does? I’m a rubber man?”

Nami robotically turned around, and dunked her face to cool off. 

Yamato’s boisterous laugh filled the seas. 

Chapter Text

Last time, on;

With a Side of Oden:

“Well you and Luffy had [Can’t describe on a Christian Minecraft server] every night after you [can’t describe with polite company] where you [blow whistle] on his elastic [ penis ] also you [EXTREMELY LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER] with his [yodeling], I don’t really know why, but you said it felt amazing. But not as good as [the entire bee movie script sped up in reverse]” Yamato recounted, both in too much detail and woefully not enough. Nami blinked before her face was engulfed with a billowing, steaming blush. 

“Who are you!?” 

000

Nami gasped as she finally pulled her face out of the sea, already regretting doing that as her hair lost some of its volume and she could feel the salt sticking to her already. With her head somewhat cooled down, she could once again think, and turned to face her current…

Kidnappers? 

“Now listen here you—” she had to wrestle her eyes away from the straw-hatted teen, mind trying to visualize what she’d been told she apparently did with the man.

She did not appreciate how alluring it all was sounding, and she knew she wasn’t into that before the white-haired Oni opened her damn mouth. Was she possessed? Is this how it happened?

“Yes?” the Oni cut in, both her and Luffy tilting their heads in confusion and apparent interest. 

“What is it, Nami?” the straw-hatted man added, not helping her. Nami was sure his voice sounded deeper to her ears after what Yamato told her and she hated every moment of it. 

“I… shut up!” 

She avoided their gazes and looked out to the sea with her arms crossed, silently fuming. 

She could hear the two mumbling at each other, confused about her reaction. To be honest, so was she. 

She was never the shy type and used sexuality as a tool to get what she wanted, she didn’t understand how the hell she was feeling so damn embarrassed about this now. What the hell was different?

“So, where now, captain?” Yamato asked, the boat bobbing a bit as she shifted her weight around.

Nami paused and snuck a look in, seeing that Yamato had pulled Luffy into her lap, almost cuddling the man like he was a giant teddy bear, nuzzling her face against his cheek. 

Wait, if he’s rubber… is his skin soft?

The treacherous part of her mind that had hooked onto Yamato’s description of the future asked, and Nami blushed entirely anew. 

“Hmmmm…” Luffy muttered with exaggeration, the effort of thinking audible. Really, with that dumbass? The part of Nami denying that future ever happening asked. 

“U-um, if it’s all the same to you- could you leave me off at a marine town?”

Nami blinked as she remembered Coby existed, attention snapping back to the meek boy. 

“Wait, no that might change the timeline, and then Yamato-san would never come back to the past, and that would…” the pink-haired child devolved into a storm of muttering, his eyes growing more and more distressed as more and more paradoxical events started to spew out from his lips. 

Just hearing it was making Nami’s head spin and brain ache. But he was right, If Yamato was here, wouldn’t that mean the timeline would change, and then she wouldn’t exist or something?

Luffy ended Coby’s mad ravings with a soft smack upside the head, “thinking too much. Stop it.” 

Yamato hummed with affirmation. 

Nami wondered if the two didn’t understand the risk posed by time travel or that they knew everything would work out in the end regardless. 

“How are you gonna be an admiral if you overthink so much?”

Nami froze over anew, and everyone’s eyes snapped onto Yamato. 

“W-wait I become an admiral? That was my dream for the longest!” Coby beamed, almost growing a couple of inches from the news as his posture got better.

Yamato clapped her hand over her mouth. “Ah,” she mumbled. 

Luffy was giving her the stink eye. “Yamaoooo….” he nearly whined, and pouted up at the much taller woman. “I told you not to tell us about the future!” 

Oh, he can be cute. Part of Nami admitted I know right?

Nami shook her head and tried to keep her brain from splitting in two. 

Yamato bowed slightly, disappointment in herself visible as her hair lost volume in a depressed slump “Sorry Luffy, it just slipped out…” she then bounced back, grabbing onto the man's shoulders with a determined glint in her eyes. “I promise I’ll keep my lips sealed from now on! I swear on Oden! And samurai never break their vows!” 

Her hand slowly made its way onto her forehead, Nami leaning her head against her palm. “I’m up to my tits in morons.” 

Only Coby seemed to notice her woes, Luffy and Yamato still staring into each other’s eyes deeply as if the two were about to kiss, their noses rubbing against each other. 

“Good!” Luffy finally said, giggling like a madman, Yamato shoved his head against her chest with an elated laugh of her own, hugging him tight against what Nami remembered to be pillowy softness. 

Luffy, seemingly unbothered and unshaken by getting a face full of tit, turned his head 180 degrees around, making Nami recall stuff about the future she wasn’t ready for, staring out from his spot engulfed between soft flesh. “Coby, you said it was your dream to be an admiral, yeah? Then we should go to the marine town nearby!” 

The boy was blushing up a storm, with a look that screamed ‘God, I wish that were me’ before he snapped to attention hearing what Luffy had to say. “Y-Yes! I’ll work hard to make sure that the future Yamato told me remains unchanged!” 

Nami blinked. ...shit, right, even if Yamato tells us the future, that might change it and it might not happen! her hands landed in her hair as she glared down at the wood under her feet. Does that mean knowing what Luffy and I did might stop it from happening?

Her thoughts were spiraling as the boat lurched, Coby manning the ship and trying to navigate with less than professional skill. 

That snapped Nami out of her spiral and she roared in indignant anger causing the other three to look up at her with fear in their eyes. “Are you trying to go the long way around!?” 

Coby lost the height he’d gained as his shoulders slumped and he tried to look as small as possible with a soft eep. 

What rage that was guiding Nami’s head went up in smoke, and she huffed, looking out to the sea. “Look. we don’t have enough food to fuck around in the ocean for long, I’ll handle navigation. I’m the best there is,” she eyed Yamato. “Right?” 

The tall woman was sweating up a storm, physically biting her lips to stop herself from responding while avoiding looking in Nami's direction. In an effort to avoid it further, the Oni grabbed Luffy out of her lap and raised the captain to hide behind the man, whistling innocently.

Nami would’ve been bothered if Luffy hadn’t graced her with a smile that outshone everything else, trust and admiration tangible. “Coooool! Nami wanna join my crew?”

Nami huffed, looking at the rigging, a soft smile forming on her lips. “Sure, whatever, help me with the sails of this thing.” 

“I’m not paying the docking fee.” 

The dockworker blinked at Nami’s outburst, clearly not expecting to hear venom in her voice when he’d asked their small group to pay a docking fee. 

Luffy eyes the man curiously “what’s a docking fee?” 

“Was wondering that too,” Yamato mumbled, crossing her arms.

Nami blinked and turned to face her two companions. “Wait, you don’t know what a docking fee is?” 

Luffy shook his head.

Yamato looked just as lost. 

Coby found some money from somewhere and paid the fee diligently. “It’s for the upkeep of the docks! Though some towns pay that through taxation to induce more tourism!” 

Nami nodded towards Coby. “What he said. The Navy should be paying for the upkeep here, so I don’t know why it would even need a fee.” 

The man behind them gulped, trying to rush away. 

“You know something about this, old man?” 

Luffy’s eyes were locked into the back of the dockworker, Yamato’s hand on her club threateningly. 

“I-I can’t say! They’d execute me for treason!” 

Nami balked. “Wait what, I thought you were just trying to swindle us.” 

He shook his head vigorously. “No, never, not in Shells town.” 

With his bit said, he rushed away, leaving behind an even more confused Luffy and Yamato, and a growing dread in the pit of Nami’s stomach. Coby however, looked petrified. 

“W-Wait you… did he say this was Shells town?” the kid muttered, nearly shaking out of his boots. “I heard they captured Pirate Hunter Zoro here!” 

“Who dat?” Luffy asked, blinking owlishly at the shorter boy. 

“Someone I might get along with, if that moniker is true,” Nami quipped, smiling. At Yamato’s questioning glance she shrugged. “I hate pirates, if it wasn’t clear.” 

Yamato’s look turned even more confused and she looked down to Luffy, mouthing ‘what the hell did you do to her?’ 

Luffy looked even more confused. 

“—they say he’s a demon given a human disguise, that his blades weep with the blood of hundreds of dead pirates!” Coby finished, ranting and raving about ‘what’ Roronoa Zoro was. 

Luffy’s attention snapped back to him “Cool! Wonder if he’s a good guy, he sounds like a fun crewmate to have!” 

Coby fumbled and almost fell into the sea “D-Did you not listen to anything I had to say!?” 

Yamato and Luffy laughed, and Nami shook her head with despair. 

“Why are we here?”

Nami was glaring at the side of Luffy’s head, Yamato over the young man as the three of them clung onto the perimeter wall, sneaking a look into the courtyard of the marine base. 

“Duh, to see if Zoro’s here.” Luffy blew her off, sparing her a glance before looking out to the clearing “is that him?” 

“Yeah!” Yamato cheered, giddiness in her voice. 

Nami blinked. 

Zoro’s part of our crew, huh?

“Maaan.” Luffy whined,, “you sure, this doesn’t match what Coby said, he doesn’t even have horns like you.” 

“Wait, you were listening?” 

Luffy didn’t dignify Coby’s question with an answer. “And those knots look weak as hell, I could break out of it!” 

Nami blinked and looked back at the cross that was the only thing in the courtyard. A slumped figure greeted her sight. “Are they starving him on there, what the fuck…” 

Coby clambered up to the wall at her question wanting to see what they were talking about. “O-Oh he must’ve done something terrible to get hung up like that.” 

Yamato clicked her tongue. “Nah. there is nothing someone can do that’d earn them that.” 

Luffy nodded eagerly under her, and shot her a glance. “Wanna bust him out?” 

“Can we?” she asked with stars in her eyes. 

Nami blinked. 

Is…

She blinked again, recalling what a ‘date’ would be. 

Is this a date for them?

By the time the thought passed her mind, Luffy and Yamato had already jumped the wall, rushing to the man on the cross, Coby yelling about the dangers behind the two. 

“Hey, wanna join our crew?” 

Zoro blinked awake, looking down to the two shadows on his feet, then their sources. He blinked up at the man wearing a straw hat and then slowly gravitated to the giant woman next to him, wearing something close to what his sensei wore back in his dojo. 

He blinked again. “...Are you from the Dojo?”

The two looked at each other. “You think he’s confused from being too hungry?” 

The woman nodded in thought. “That happened to me once, we should break him out and get him some food.”

That snapped Zoro awake. “Hell no! I’m staying here the whole week! I’ll show my mettle to that prim bastard!” 

“Wait, so this is self-imposed?” the woman mumbled, before getting stars in her eyes. “So cool! I thought we only did that back in Wano!” 

Zoro was utterly lost. “No. I cut a deal with the scum running this base, if I survive this last week without water or food, I get to go free.” he explained, rolling his neck by the end, a satisfying crack echoing out as he popped a joint from where he was. 

“You think they’re going to hold their end?” the tall woman asked, and the man next to her nodded eagerly. 

“If they are bastards, why would you believe what they are gonna do?” the straw-hatted man asked.

Zoro blinked. “Well, they are marines. Even if they are bastards, what are they gonna do, kill a bounty hunter?” 

The two looked at each other, and that's when Rika rushed out between them, holding her arms out “S-Stop bothering big bro!” 

Zoro flushed a bit. “Get out of here kid! I’ll kill you if you make me mad!” 

The little girl didn’t even turn around, trembling as she looked up at the two defiantly. “I won’t let you hurt him!” 

The tall woman crouched suddenly, then patted her on the head. “Not gonna hurt him, little one,” she cooed, something akin to pride in her eyes. 

Zoro blinked at the sight, then looked back up to the man for an explanation. 

He was just smiling wildly at it all, the grin looking a little too big for his face. 

“What's this commotion?”

Zoro’s confusion was gone, as if cut away as the nasally smug voice of Helmeppo made himself known. “Zoro. I thought we had an agreement, or what, are you throwing in the towel?” 

“As if.” Zoro growled, glaring at the man. “Last seven days.” 

Helmeppo laughed, then, the sound died off as the mystery woman got back up to her feet, shooting a glance at the man. 

Zoro got the full show of watching Helmeppo go through shock, panic, fear, lust and confusion in sequence, the man’s cheeks flaring up. 

“M-Mommy?”

The statement turned question hung in the air, no one moving for a moment, even the marine guard around him balking at the utter inane bullshit their VIP had said. 

“I’m sorry, Mommy?”

Zoro didn’t know if he wanted to laugh his brains out, or die where he stood, looking at the marines with desperation and gesturing at Rika with his head. 

The two strangers, for their part, didn't seem to understand what was going on at all, the man scratching the back of his head while the woman looked more confused than uncomfortable. They glanced at each other. 

“You have kids?” the man asked, almost incredulously.

Zoro choked on his spit. 

“Not yet, nah,” the woman answered with a shrug. “Wanna beat them up? They tied up Zoro, after all.” 

The man huffed and crossed his arms. “Why though?”

“Oh, it's cause Zoro killed a wolf trying to eat me.” Rika reported, puffing her cheeks up and glaring up at the two. “He’s my hero!” 

Helmeppo suddenly started sweating before regaining composure. “Y-yes of course he killed a marine pet! He must be punished for it!” 

Now that seemed to piss the woman off, her hair almost starting to float as Zoro saw her muscles start to tense under the stress of rage. 

“Hell! With all of this commotion, I might just have him get executed, unless you my fine lady go to a da—” 

The blonde bastard didn’t get to finish his threat before the man's left hook sent him flying back into the marine base head over ass. 

A beat passed as no one else in the huddle comprehended what had happened. 

Then the woman swung her club to the side, tossing the other two marines to their asses. “You…” she hissed, her free hand cracking as she clenched her fist hard enough that her joints popped. “Luffy! I wanna destroy this base, can we?” 

Luffy rolled his shoulders and cracked his knuckles tightly. “Of course.” 

Zoro blinked behind the two of them. 

“Wait… what?”

Both Zoro and Nami were in a daze as the entire bar was full of people celebrating, marine and villager alike, everyone chanting their praises to their two saviors, Luffy and Yamato blowing them off and only asking for more food as payment. 

“...What just…” Zoro mumbled, looking down at the table, his hand going to Wado and his other swords. “Did they just…?” 

Nami nodded slowly, taking a swig from a mug. “I can’t believe Luffy bit through the captain’s ax.” 

Zoro nodded slowly, rubbing his forehead. “Ok, so that really did happen. I thought I was getting delirious.” 

“Zoro here!” Yamato cheered as she left a plate of food in front of the man. “Eat a little!” 

Luffy eyed the food greedily, but Yamato hooked her arm around him and pulled his attention away, both giggling about something Nami didn’t quite catch. 

Zoro, remembering that he was hungry dug into his meal, almost swallowing the utensils at the speed of which he ate. A burp later his daze was gone, laughing and drinking with the rest of the parties. 

Nami blinked at the change, looked down at her drink. And started chugging. 

Chapter Text

Last time on; With a side of Oden: 

“May I have a gram of pussy, m’lady?” 

Yamato looked down at Helmeppo with disdain in her eyes, grabbing Luffy, who was still pummeling the motionless body of Morgan and hauling him over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes, and turned around and walked off. 

“Wait, Yama-o I didn’t know you had a cat!” 

“I’ll show you later, Luffy.” 

Helmeppo fell to his knees and cried himself to unconsciousness.

Nami growled at the two the moment she noticed it. “Where’s Coby?” 

Luffy and Yamato shared a glance, Zoro not budging as he continued push ups using the larger woman as a weight on his back. “He’s going to be a marine, so we left him behind.” 

Nami could feel the veins bulging on her forehead. “And what if they figure out he was a pirate?” 

Yamato seemed to grow worried about that. “Wait, you didn’t leave him there last time!?” 

Luffy turned to her with a tilt of his head. “How should I know?” 

The panic subsided on the larger woman as she nodded, dropping a fist on her palm. “That makes sense.” 

Nami felt like punching something, so she did, Luffy’s head slamming into Yamato’s chest, making them jiggle.

Anger left her after that, huffing with a blush. “I keep forgetting you can stretch.” 

Luffy laughed, only to jump out of the heaven that was even alluring to the enraged Nami, snapping onto the edge of the dingy, looking back at the town they had left minutes ago. 

Nami followed his gaze, and caught the thing she’d never thought she’d see. 

Coby and the rest of the marines were saluting them as they sailed on. 

“...just what kind of pirates are we?” she huffed, a smile growing on her lips. 

“The ones sailing with the next king of the pirates!” Yamato bellowed, laughing up to the heavens. “Just like Oden!” 

“Who even is that!?” Nami screeched, the subsiding anger reigniting. Keeping up with Yamato, and Luffy, was proving quite tiring. They simply were on a completely different wavelength of their own.

“The greatest Samurai!” 

“Hrmph.” Zoro grunted, holding himself halfway up, his arms twitching with the excretion. “If he’s so great, he’s my target on my path to be the greatest swordsman.”

Nami twitched and looked down at the man. “What’s with you all and insane dreams!?” 

Luffy hopped back, looking into her eyes curiously. “What, don’t you have one?” 

Nami took a step back, a blush engulfing her face. Yamato’s eldritch knowledge had damaged her for certain, she knew that much. Why else would she be blushing over this rubber, impulsive idiot?

Her eyes caught Yamato grinning in the corner, which didn't help her conclusion either. 

Luffy stepped forward to chase her eyes, his head tilting more like a confused puppy. It was quite cute, Nami had to admit. Damn that Oni…

“I wanna buy a village, dammit!” she finally declared, her hands tense as she glared back at the man. “Happy?” 

It was Yamato’s turn to tilt her head, and Nami caught it. “What? Got something to say?” 

Luffy turned to Yamato, crossing his arms. The oni woman couldn’t match his gaze. “Nothing~” she mumbled, poking her fingers together. 

Nami huffed, angry that her secrets were already known. 

Then, something came to her mind. “Wait…” 

Could Luffy have saved her town… in the future where Yamato came from? 

Her eyes landed back on the rubber man, now shaking with a laugh. 

“No way.” 

Nami was still feeling the pain in her forehead, her handprint still pulsing and warm. This idiot defeats Arlong!?

Yamato had grabbed the oars with Zoro, the life-raft they’d stolen so long ago skipping through the water at speeds Nami couldn’t even imagine. And didn’t want to, she had to keep her eyes on the idiot that had managed to get attacked by a sea-king sized bird. 

How did he even do that? Nami didn’t even know that a species like that existed! 

She clicked her tongue, trying to gauge whether that the storm would arrive first or they would blitz past the forming cloudfront before it bore its destructive fruit. 

“Luffy’s not here, tell me how this goes!” she screamed back to Yamato, hoping her voice would carry over the sounds of the waves they were slicing through

“A samurai never breaks their promise!” 

“Yamato, I swear! ” 

Luffy was cackling the entire way before a sudden explosion engulfed him, he and his new bird friend fell to the ground, his rubberized body bouncing once before tumbling down the roofs and back down. 

“Aw man, and I was having fun.” 

“Did-” Nami gasped, leaning on the side of one of the houses trying to get her legs under her after they’d literally plowed into it with the liferaft. “Did that bird explode? Is Luffy ok?” 

Yamato popped out of the building, shaking her hair, dust and debris flying off her. No worse for wear. Zoro grumbled and shoved the raft off himself, getting to his feet. “Dunno, did it?” 

Nami sighed, rubbing her temples. Then a pit started to grow in her stomach. 

Wait if Luffy dies… who saves my village?

“Stop in the name of Buggy the clown!”

Nami blinked and stared at the three clowns. 

“Can I have just one minute to freak out!?” 

Luffy stared at the old man, and then leaned down and petted the dog. 

Boodle blinked in shock as Chuuchuu let himself be pet without even a growl. 

“Richie.” Boodle’s attention was pulled to the side, eyes widening in horror as the giant lion and its tamer walked down the street toward them. “Kill them all.” 

The straw-hatted boy turned around, placing his fists on his hips. “I won’t let you hurt his treasure!” 

“Luffy thank god you’r—” Nami stopped midway through her words, screeching to a halt as Yamato tackled the man to the ground in a rib-crushing hug. “Is that a lion!?” 

Luffy laughed, wrapping his arms around Yamato a couple of times like a pair of snakes. “Yeah! Wonder if he tastes as good as the ones back in my jungle!” 

Zoro looked the beast up and down. “We’ll need a cook. If we wanna try it, captain.” 

Nami fell to her knees. Suddenly the monsters occupying her village didn’t seem as insurmountable. Her crew, however. They seemed more monstrous than even the seakings that patrolled the calm belts

Yamato got to her feet, Luffy still wound around, refusing to let go; the same could be said about the oni-woman, her arms around the man tight enough to remind Nami that the man was made out of rubber. She was sure if he wasn’t, he would be dying with how his ribs were crushed against hers. “So this is where you got… wait no, this isn’t a ship.” 

Nami blinked at the woman. Ruffled her own hair, then reached up to grab her by the ear, pulling her down. “Stop it.” 

The wincing Oni giggled, before Luffy’s arms wrapped around Nami too, attaching her to the now-group hug. 

“If you wanted a hug too you should’ve just asked Nami!” 

“Let go of me you rubber moron!” 

Zoro rolled his eyes from the side. “Lovebirds.” 

Nami managed to reach his head with a kick, knocking the swordsman over. 

Buggy was absolutely and utterly buzzed. 

He stared at the mug in his hands, then back at the barrel he’d drunk from. 

“That’s some good ale,” he hummed with a hiccup, turning back to the hallucination he was having. 

Giant oni woman, carrying a giant club, getting pestered by an orange haired woman, and what looked like a kid wearing that dumb tomato-haired bastard’s hat. He laughed when the short woman punched the hat-wearing dumbass upside the head. 

“They got lost again.” 

Buggy turned to face Roronoa Zoro, the pirate hunter. He nodded nonchalantly, and passed him a mug. “Want something strong to drink?” 

“Ah, sure.” the swordsman mumbled, grabbing the drink. 

Buggy sipped more of his drink, and turned to watch his entertainment again.

Then spun back around and spat his drink all over the man. 

“Hey, what the hell!?”

“Give up Zoro!” Buggy cackled, still attempting to get another slice into the man. Annoyingly, the bastard had managed to counter ever since his initial surprise attack. 

He really should’ve gone for the head when he first faked being cut into ribbons. 

“Hey, Zoro, need help?” 

Both combatants turned to look at the giant Oni woman, carrying the straw-hatted idiot under her arm like luggage. The man was picking his nose with his pinky. 

“I’ll manage,” Zoro growled, rushing forward and cutting Buggy’s head into two pieces again. 

Buggy laughed. “It’s useless! It’s useless you dumb—”

The straw-hatted idiot tossed the booger right into the clown’s eye, causing the man to flinch and bite down on his own tongue. 

“Ah. sorry.” 

“I’ll kill you, you damn flashy bastard!”

Buggy sent his dagger-clad hand down to spear the man in the head, only for it to get tossed to the side by a slice from the swordsman. “I’m still your opponent!” 

“Cabaji, take care of this dumbass!” 

His man rushed to his side on his unicycle, only to disappear a moment later. The oni-woman was in his place, poking at the abandoned unicycle curiously. Cabaji embedded in a nearby wall, only his motionless legs poking out. 

Buggy’s jaw clenched shut, his eyes threatening to bulge out of his skull at the sight. 

“What's this Luffy?” 

“I’unno, wanna try using it?”

Buggy could only watch as the two idiots tried to operate the unicycle, Zoro cutting him incessantly.

“Zoro, you won’t be able to cut him without Haki,” the woman said, as she finally got onto the unicycle with some balance to it. 

Buggy’s eyes actually slid out of his skull in two slices at the statement. They know what Haki is?

“The hell is that?” Zoro growled between pants. 

“Mystery power, you’ll figure it out!” she chuckled, starting to roll around with the straw-hatted dumbass on her back, both laughing. “This is kinda fun!” 

“That’s it!” Buggy recalled his body parts together. “I’m killing you all”

He noticed his body was considerably shorter. He turned to see that the orange-haired woman had tied up the body parts Zoro had been cutting off constantly.

He looked back at the swordsman. Who had an evil look in his eyes at this point. “Well if I can’t cut you…” 

He sheathed his sword, then pulled out the swords from his side, sheath and all. 

“Oh, that’d work.”

That was the last thing Buggy managed to mutter before he was batted into the high heavens, screaming all the way up. 

Luffy and Yamato watched Buggy fly off, both holding their hands over their eyes to protect from the sun as the clown pirate twinkled one last time before disappearing in the pale blue abyss.

“Why didn’t you just do that sooner!?” Nami screeched, kicking the wriggling mass of body parts to the side, the parts slowly falling still. 

Zoro clicked his tongue “I’m a swordsman; what kinda swordsman uses a blunt weapon?” 

Yamato fell from her unicycle. “Wait, Oden was a swordsman too, then…” 

She looked at the club she’d been using with tears in her eyes.

Nami and Zoro looked at each other, and the woman kicked him in the shin. Zoro looked offended, then looked back at Luffy rubbing the large woman's back in calming motions. Zoro sighed as he tied his sword back into his harmaki, scratching the back of his head. “...well I’m going to be the greatest swordsman in the world, if I used blunt weapons…” 

Yamato paused and turned to face him. 

“Who’s to say you aren’t a good swordsman?” 

Yamato gave the swordsman a rib-crushing hug of his own “You’re right Zoro!” 

“Can’t… breathe…” 

“Yamato stop, he's still bleeding!” 

“Oh, whoops!” 

“Woman, what did they feed you?” Zoro grumbled, rubbing his unstabbed side, still feeling the ache from his ribs.

“Nothing, really.” Yamato hummed, Luffy on her lap like a teddy bear again. Zoro didn’t know if that made him respect his captain more, or less. 

“Eh!? They let you starve?” Luffy piped up, his face suddenly set. “I’ll beat them up, tell me who did it!” 

“Ah, just my dad. The dumb cow-gorrilla.” 

Nami gasped in the corner, then reached out to pet the taller woman. Zoro didn’t quite know how to react when the older woman seemingly melted into the contact, Luffy noticing and joining in petting the Oni-woman, causing her to roll onto her back, giggling and sighing contently as the two continued rubbing her head. 

Zoro blinked, looked up to the skies, and sighed. 

A smile made it to his lips. At least this trip was going to be amusing. 

Chapter Text

Last time on; With a Side of Oden:

“Memes Jack! The DNA of the Soul!”

Zoro looked at the floating cross-section of a person incredulously, “My name isn’t Jack.” 

Monsoon scratched his chin. “...that does explain the green hair and… the lack of cybernetics…” 

Meanwhile, elsewhere:

“Where the FUCK is that damn swordsman!” Nami screeched, punching Cabaji one more time to vent some anger. 

The acrobat prayed for mercy from a god that wasn’t listening.

Usopp gazed out to the seas, fighting against their call. It was a daily occurrence at this point, part of his routine. 

Wake up, lie about pirates coming, meet up with the kids, and then face out to the sea, listening to the waves, imagining the adventures they bore witness to on faraway shores beyond the horizon. Use that to create more lies to tell Kaya, get her to smile her pretty smile, and giggle at his antics. 

He grinned like a dope, looking up to the skies dreamily, thinking about that small smile. 

“...I hope you get better soon…” 

He didn’t wanna say those words to her, he never wanted to say those words to anyone again. He sniffled, his mood drooping as he jerkily sat back up, trying to get the stinging out of his eyes with the back of his arm before gazing back out to the ocean. 

That's when he saw it. 

A ship with the Buggy Jolly Roger painted onto the canvas of its main sail. 

“...oh no, no, no…” 

He shot a glance back to the village behind him, chewing one of his fingers and punching his own shaking knees in an effort to calm down. “Ok, Usopp, calm down. It's a small ship… I can bluff my way out of this. I’m the great captain Usopp, of course I can!”

He pulled out a spyglass from his pouch, scouting out the approaching ship. 

He witnessed a gigantic woman cuddling a lanky man, a red head screeching and a green-haired man taking a nap. 

He lowered his spyglass, rubbed his eyes then took another look. 

“I KNEW it!”

“Halt!” 

Luffy unceremoniously dropped the anchor on Zoro’s foot, all four people snapping to attention to glare at the source of the sudden intrusion. Zoro stiffened, howled in pain, and then turned to punch the rubber man on reflex. 

Luffy hadn’t had the proper stance to tank the impact, getting flung off the boat and into the waters. Yamato lept in after him in a panic.

Usopp watched on as chaos unfolded below him, the four pirates panicking as the giant woman and the lankier man struggled for a moment before going completely limp, only starting to stir again after the screaming red-head managed to pull them out of the ankle-high water. 

He didn’t know if he should be less scared or more as they locked back onto his position. His legs started trembling as the swordsman seemed to kick the anchor off his foot and glare at him with his hand on his blades. 

“You’re not taking any of our women!” The cowering sniper declared, gripping his slingshot as if he could squeeze another drop of bravery out of his soul. 

The group of four below the cliff just paused, looking amongst themselves. 

Luffy stepped up, scratching his head with his hat. “...we don’t want your women? We want a boat?” 

“ Liar! ” the liar screamed back, glaring down at the enemy captain. “I know you’re here to kidnap more women for your Amazon kingdom!”

All four looked at each other again. 

“When will the growth drugs you take gonna kick in, huh red-head?!” Usopp continued, unabated by the confusion he was causing. 

Nami looked offended by the concept. “Excuse you ? I’m all natural! ” 

“I mean, Luffy, would you like them a little bigger?” Yamato asked, groping her own chest.

Usopp promptly had a nosebleed and fell down the cliffside. 

The four looked at the smoking crater where the long-nosed man’s crumpled body lay. 

“...you guys think that fixed him or made him worse?” Luffy asked, tilting his head. 

He turned to see Nami staring at Yamato fondling her chest. Something clicked in his head as he watched for a second, and he licked his lips.

“...are you hiding dumplings in there?” 

“Not since last time…” the tall samurai mumbled, looking slightly nervous. 

“Ok, so, you’re not a scouting party from an Amazon island, looking to capture more members and breeding stock?” 

Luffy pulled his pinky out of his nose, blew on it, and then turned to Nami. “...my brother got like this when my grandpa punched him once. Do you know how to fix it?” 

Nami looked at him incredulously. “I can’t fix brain damage, Luffy.” 

“You can only give it.” Zoro snarked, then promptly grunted as Nami made his point for him. 

“...Oh! Oh yeah, Ace!” Yamato seemed to vibrate, grabbing Luffy by the shoulders. “We should find him!” 

“I know! But he’s in the Grand Line, so we gotta wait until we get there!” Luffy cheered, unsurprised about Yamato knowing about his brother. 

“You’re going to the Grand Line?” Usopp wheezed, stuck between the window and the ragdolled Luffy getting shaken by Yamato, who he had assumed was the rubber man’s amazon captain. “My dad’s out there too!” 

“Ew, same.” Yamato grumbled, letting go of her captain and crossing her arms. “How did you escape yours?” 

Usopp blinked. “...he left the island to have a grand pirate adventure?” 

Nami scrunched her eyebrows in disgust, Zoro was still nursing his drink and the welt on the back of his head, Yamato didn’t look convinced, and Luffy looked like he was thinking for once. 

“...wait…”

Usopp watched in confusion as Nami looked scared about Luffy having a thought. 

“Usopp… Yasopp… wait! Is Yasopp your dad!?”

Usopp didn’t get to confirm before Nami punched Luffy on the side of his head. The young captain’s rubberized skull hit the sniper like a dodgeball and crushed him against the window of the store.

Nami’s cheeks were still flush with embarrassment as Usopp rushed out of the bar, avoiding Yamato’s smug look. “How was I supposed to know that Luffy was right?” 

“Maybe let the longnose finish responding to him first?” Zoro offered, getting a stomp on his anchor-damaged foot in response. He reflexively tried grabbing it, only to hit his head on the table in the process. “Why…” he wheezed, holding onto his foot. 

Luffy and Yamato were laughing their asses off. 

“You don’t butt in before you get lost in the convo,” Nami growled, then grabbed Luffy by the face, stretching his cheeks like he was a living stress toy. “Why are we even here, idiot!?” 

“Do ged a sheb,” Luffy babbled.

“This place doesn’t even have a shipyard!” Nami whined, letting go of his rubber face and letting it snap back together. “Why do I even let you choose the course?”

“He’s our captain,” Yamato announced with pride.

Nami looked at her dumbfounded. “...I’m starting to have my doubts about your future story.” 

The taller woman wilted. “But I am, though!” 

“Where is Captain Usopp?” 

The four turned to look at the three children that seemed to pop into existence at the head of their booth. 

Zoro smirked for a moment, noticing that Luffy was nibbling on a bone again with the corner of his eye. “You see, kids… we kinda ate him!” 

The three children screamed, pointing at Nami, “Onibaba!” 

Nami pointed at Yamato. “She literally has horns! Why am I the monster!?”

The children only screamed louder, fleeing the bar like their apparent ‘captain’. 

“And that's when I realized, ‘wait this isn’t an island… this is goldfish po-”

“-can we have a boat?” 

Usopp paused, slowly turning to the source of the interruption, Kaya busting into a fit of giggles at his reaction. Her titters quickly devolved into a small fit of coughs, Usopp reached in to gently rubh her back in concern, Kaya smiling weakly and leaning into his touch.

Satisfied that she was fine, Usopp turned back to the straw-hatted teen. “Oh! Luffy, what are you doing here?”

“Asking for a boat!” Luffy cheered with a dopey smile. “So, can we?” 

“And who are you ruffians supposed to be?”

“ Klahadore !” Kaya gasped. 

“Oden!”

“The future King of the Pirates!”

“Nunya Business.”

“Did you just call us ruffians?” Nami blinked, looking more offended than at the time back on the cliffs even as her three crewmates shared amused looks. “Luffy let's get out of here, they don’t have anything worth our time.” 

“That's right!” Klahadore continued. “We don’t have anything to give to your kind, scum.” 

“Who’s we? Are you speaking French?” Zoro grumbled. “Cause my captain wasn’t asking you.” 

“Your captain pesters sickly woman then, huh? Pirate bastard. Just like that fool on the branch.”

“Don’t bring me into this!” Usopp growled. 

“I’m sorry, that was uncalled for,” Klahadore admitted, adjusting his glasses with his palm. “It’s not your fault that your failure of a father left you here and ran away. That coward.” 

Everyone seemed to quiet down in shock at the words of the butler. 

“...Luffy, why does he have golden poop on his suit?” Yamato asked, not even attempting to whisper. 

Klahadore grit his teeth. “How dare you.” 

“No! How dare you! ” Usopp screamed, finally finding his words again. “My father is a brave warrior of the seas! How could you say that about him!? Take that back!” 

“H-he’s right!” Kaya supported, leaning out her window a little “Klahadore, apologize!” 

“I will not, Miss Kaya,” the butler huffed, stiffening as he glared up at Usopp. “I am aware of your daily rendezvous with this pirate-borne, but you shouldn’t let his lies cloud your judgment. His father was nothing but a drunk who couldn’t bear having a sickly wife and ran away. He was a coward that didn’t even fight for the ones he loved.” 

Nami took a step back like she had been struck at just how easily the butler tossed someone's past at their feet. “What the fuck ?”

“Y-you bastard. My father left before my mom got sick!” Usopp growled, his hand on his slingshot. “Take all of that back! My father is a great man; I’m proud to be his son!” 

Klahadore scoffed, pointing to the slingshot in his hand. “What, you didn’t like what I said, so you’re gonna threaten me with that? Typical thug .” The man sneered, fingers flexing slightly under his gloves.

“...weapons aren’t for threats.” Luffy started, face hidden in the shadows of his hat, before punching Klahadore hard enough the send the man flying into the hedge-maze. “They are for actions.”

Usopp looked like he was in the presence of a sage, Yamato nodding along with Luffy’s teachings. Even Nami huffed with approval at the actions of her idiotic captain, crossing her arms.

Zoro woke up from his nap with a snort. None had noticed that he’d taken one. “Oh, good. Golden-turd is gone. Seriously, who shat in his cereal?”

“Maybe his tailor?” Nami offered with a snort. 

“...I- uhm…” Kaya seemed lost on whether to be worried about Klahadore’s health, apologize for what he’d said, or demand the straw-hatted teen apologize to her butler. 

“How?!” Klahadore seemed to pop back into existence, panting heavily with his suit in tatters. “How did you know I was the pirate captain Kuro?!” 

Everyone blinked owlishly at the statement. An unspoken ‘who’ emanating from their collective consciousness.

“I knew it!” Usopp screamed, not knowing who ‘Kuro’ was, firing off a lead ball and catching Kuro on the nose, the cartilage crunching. The man roared in pain, holding the geyser of blood that spouted from his face. 

“I’ll kil-!” 

Nami smacked the man on the neck with her bo staff, the demented butler crumpling to the floor in a heap. “Ok, no, seriously, what was his damage?!”

“My three-year plan can’t end like this…” Kuro’s gurgled protest was silenced by Yamato’s club smacking down on his head, cratering the floor beneath him. 

“He doesn’t know when to shut up, huh?” she growled, clenching her teeth, baring her sharp canines. 

Kaya was still trying to get the wind back into her lungs after all the empathic gasps she’d given to the pain she was sure Klahadore was feeling. “I’m… is he gonna be ok?” 

Luffy poked the unmoving form with a stick. “Reminds me of Ace that one time.” 

Kuro woke up with a gasp. “...a nightmare.” he winced with the phantom pain of the nighterror. “No way an Amazon would come and ruin my plans.” 

“Why do you people keep calling me that, I don’t even like snakes…” Yamato pouted.

Kuro screamed. 

Chapter Text

Last time on; With a side of Oden:

“That’s it! I’m using my ultimate technique!” Kuro screamed, hunching forward. “The pussyfoot maneuver!” 

He blinked out of existence for a second, and then back into it as Luffy’s fist caught his face. 

The crowd around him looked on as Kuro slowly slid down and crumpled to the ground. 

“So, Yamato, was that the pussy you said you’d show?” Luffy asked, not missing a beat. 

Nami’s face went up in flames. “You’ll what!?” 

“Oh, you wanna see too?” Luffy asked his navigator with a wide smile. “I didn’t know you liked pussies Nami!”

Zoro continued fighting for his life in the corner, trying to catch his breath. 

000

“So let me get this straight.” Merry hummed, warily looking between the unconscious form of Klahadore embedded into the garden and the giant woman and her crew, plus Usopp. “Klahadore attacked you; he told you that he was ‘Kuro of a thousand plans’ and got beaten?”

“For the third time, yes.” Nami huffed, rubbing her forehead. “He had this whole instigator bullshit about Usopp’s tragic past too.” 

“Oh, right. My condolences again, young man,” Merry hummed with a bow. 

Usopp flushed and rubbed under his nose with the back of his wrist. “I- um thank you, haha…” 

Luffy poked Kuro with a stick again. Yamato crouched near him, watching him poke at the man’s messed-up face. 

“C-could you stop that, straw-hat?” Merry asked, sweating a little. “I still don’t know what I feel about any of this.” 

“Well, if he was a captain…” Luffy hummed, shoving the stick up Kuro’s nose. “Where is his crew?”

Everyone turned to face him.

“Oh… fuck Luffy made sense,” Nami groaned, looking up to the skies, trying to ensure the sky wasn’t falling down. 

That was the moment when someone moonwalked into the conversation. Jango turned on his heel, grabbed his crotch, and let out a shrill ‘He-He.’

All eyes locked onto the man, who spun again and leaned forward at an impossible angle, gazing down at Kuro’s body. “Captain, are you okay? So, Kuro, are you okay? Are you okay, Kuro~?”

“I-is he singing?” Usopp muttered, taking a few steps back and priming his slingshot.

Luffy laughed, clapping his hands. “Oh I like him! Be my musician, heart-glasses guy!” 

Jango spun on his heels again, faced the gathered crowd, and hip-thrusted. “OW! I am not a musician; I’m a hypnotist! You know, I’m bad!”

Nami turned to look at Yamato to see if she seemed to recognize the man. The giant woman clearly didn’t as she tilted her head, looking down at the man. Seeing that the weirdo wouldn’t be part of their crew, the navigator walked forward and wrapped her arm around Luffy’s head, pulling him close to whisper into his ear. “I don’t think he’s a good guy, Luffy.” 

“Eh? But he seems so funky!” Luffy argued, leaning closer to her, his cheek pressing against hers. 

Yamato, not wanting to be left out, pressed against Nami’s other side, causing the woman to start blushing wildly. With a roar, she pummeled both, leaving them on the ground with many steaming welts. 

Zoro opened his mouth to give a teasing remark, but he gulped his words in terror as Nami snapped her head towards him, her eyes glowing red and teeth sharpened into razor-sharp daggers. Zoro took a Wairy step back as the woman turned to face him completely. 

“You got something to say, swordsman!” she hissed, her voice unnatural. 

Usopp dropped his slingshot and made a cross with his fingers, trying to ward off the demon that had possessed Nami’s body. 

“This is the end of the liiine!~” Jango sang, spinning on his heel again and tossing a chakram towards the raging Nami, who turned her back to him. 

“Nami, look out!” Usopp screamed, forgetting the demon and trying to get back to his slingshot in time, but it had tumbled out of his reach, too far away to save the woman.  

Luffy punched the air, his hand slipping through the chakram’s hole and catching it mid-flight as it passed over his limp body. His limb stretched with the momentum. 

Nami gasped and fell on her butt as she turned to see the blade that had almost caught her on her spine snap back towards Luffy as his arm retracted just before the blade cut into her skin. 

Luffy shot to his feet with a roar, growling and flexing his arms. The chakram that had slid down to his bicep shattered from the pressure of his muscles bunching together. He huffed out what looked like steam as he faced Jango, his eyes almost glowing red with rage. “No one hurts my Nami!” 

“Yo-your!?” Nami eeped, blushing again. 

“M-maybe I should talk to the man in the mi-” Jango didn’t get to finish his lyric as a rubber fist caught him on the jaw, sending him flying into a tree. 

Merry blinked at the sight, gently ‘baa-ing’ as he tried to comprehend what had just happened. “W-what was that?” 

“One of Kuro’s crew?” Usopp offered dumbly. “...where is the rest then?” 

Yamato scratched her hair. “Um… I do feel a ship a little ways away?” 

Usopp ignored Zoro getting punched when he teased Nami’s reaction to Luffy’s claim, who was busy poking the new body on the premises with another stick. “Ar- are you- how?”

“Haki.” Yamato nodded with a smirk. “You taught me long-range actually…” 

“Of course I did!” Usopp huffed with pride, pumping his chest out. A beat passed. “Wait… what?” 

“Oh yeah, I’m from the future,”  Yamato added with a bored huff. 

Usopp nodded and decided to offer some lessons on lying better after things calmed down. 

“Luffy! Let's go take down their galleon!” Yamato cheered, rushing out to grab the man. 

“We gonna set sail?” Luffy asked, turning to face Nami, who stopped kicking Zoro and turned away from the man with a massive blush.

“I- we can provide a ship for that!” Merry offered with a tense smile. “It would be our honor!” 

Nami flinched, excited about not having to pay for a bigger boat. “Could we keep it in return for these two bounties?” 

Merry smiled with sweat running down his forehead.

The Going Merry bobbed up and down on the shore before she was boarded suddenly by a massive woman hopping into her from the cliffside with a laugh. The deck groaned in protest and she almost capsized as the momentum pushed her down the water line, but a foreign power spread around her unprepared hull, fortifying all. 

“Haha! So this is Merry! ” Yamato cheered, Luffy jumping off her back and running around the deck like an excited animal. Nami squirmed from under Yamato’s arm and was granted freedom as Yamato slowly dropped her down. Zoro was let go, and he landed on deck with a heavy snort as he woke up from his nap. 

“No, that's the butler’s name.” Nami huffed, one hand over her chest. She still wasn’t used to getting manhandled by the massive woman, but it was still faster than walking. 

“I love it!” Luffy announced, sitting on the ship's figurehead with a massive grin. 

Why is that idiot cute now?! Nami grumbled internally, her cheeks warm once again. She was still shocked that his outburst had gotten so deep under her skin. 

“You ok witch?” Zoro asked with a smug smirk again. Nami hissed at him like a cat, causing Yamato burst out into laughter. 

The Merry bobbed up and down, suddenly so much livelier. 

“Um, yes.” Merry hummed as he climbed the rope ladder up to the ship. “This is the Going Merry. She was built to let Miss Kaya see some sights, but her health was never good enough to sail on her.” 

“Fitting that she’ll be guarding Kaya’s life instead!” Usopp announced, his chest puffed out in his full liar bravado, from the shore.

Luffy blinked, shot his arm out, and hooked it around Usopp’s waist several times. 

Usopp gasped and looked down on the limb, snot starting to run down his nose. “W-wait isn’t that going to be too fa-”

His scream was cut off when his head hit the mast.

Nami tapped her chin. “Whats stopping us from just… leaving with the ship?” 

All eyes turned to her. 

“We picked up all our supplies from the buggy ship we stole.” Nami explained, a little worried. “And you’re pirates, you don’t need to follow agreements.” 

“...you’re a pirate too, though?” Luffy asked with a tilt of his head. 

“Am not!” Nami exploded. “I’ll never be a pirate, I hate pirates!” 

Usopp blinked. “Then why are you dating Luffy?” 

Zoro burst out into laughter. 

“I’m not!” Nami screamed back, face as red as a tomato. 

“Yeah, she’s his wife!” Yamato affirmed with a nod and smile. 

Nami gasped, taking a few steps back to lean on the railing. “No, we’re not married!” 

“Aw, we aren’t?” Luffy hummed with a tilt of his head. “Then why is your fist of love working on me?”

“Fist of WHAT!?”

“Ah, I think it's their ship right there!” Yamato announced, exiting out of the conversation. “Usopp! Wanna go shoot it down with the cannon in the front?” 

“I’m not done with this conversation Yamato!” Nami screamed, grabbing the woman by her white kimono. “What do you mean I got married to that idiot!?”  

Yamato shrugged. “I’m more surprised Luffy got married to you.” 

“What the hell does that mean, you overgrown spring onion!?” Nami screamed back, shaking the much larger woman. 

“Ah, they’re firing at us,” Luffy announced. 

Nami screamed harder. 

Nami was sitting on the deck after the fight, her knees hugged against her chest. She was in a crew of monsters; Luffy Zoro and Yamato had proven that, but even Usopp had shown his mettle in the fight. 

It turns out the man could snipe more accurately than normal guns using a slingshot, of all things. Most of the black cat pirates were taken out even before Luffy or Yamato could jump across and start to battle. 

Then again, Yamato was probably doing less than she could. Nami wondered if she was holding back to let them grow stronger. 

She looked at the woman hugging Luffy on the figurehead, the massive knot tied around her back hooked around the horns of the Merry . 

…did he really save my village…? Nami questioned, unable to see Arlong get defeated, even by Yamato. She’d seen too many false hopes over such a long time that she became unable to see past them. …Maybe he just helped me get enough money to pay Arlong off…

Nami’s hand went to her shoulder, the tattoo burning her skin, the damn sharks laugh filling her ears. 

“Nami.” 

She suddenly perked up, seeing that Luffy was looking down at her, worry visible in his eyes. “Is everything ok?” 

She only looked away with a huff. “Yes.” 

“Liar,” he hummed, crouching to look her in the eyes.

“Luffy, you couldn’t see past a lie if it poked you in the eye,” she huffed, glaring at the man. 

“Yeah, but a husband can see when his wife lies,” Luffy hummed with a sage nod. 

Nami looked at him incredulously, flustered again. “We’re not married.” 

Luffy smirked. “Yet.” 

Nami couldn’t help but smile back. “Didn’t take you for a ‘fate is forged’ kinda guy.” 

Luffy shrugged, sitting next to her quietly.

Nami hummed, leaning on her knees and looking around. Yamato had turned back to watch the sea; Usopp was in the crow's nest, screaming that every cloud was another enemy, and Zoro was snoring away. They still had some time before they got back to Syrup Village and delivered the flag of the pirates they defeated. 

“...Hey Luffy. If I said I had a village I wanted to save, would you help me?” Nami asked quietly. 

“Of course.” Luffy breathed without a thought.

Nami smiled against her knees. 

Chapter Text

Last time on, With a Side of Oden: 

Yamato looked at the 45-degree angle stance Jango was sustaining over Kuro’s crumpled body.

“Hmmm… that feels somehow familiar…”

Meanwhile, on a galleon surrounded by mist:

“I feel like someone is stealing my shtick,” Brook growled, facing East.

Meanwhile, on the revolutionary army base:

“I feel like someone is stealing my shtick,” Dragon growled under his breath, glaring towards East.

Usopp turned to look at Nami.

“What?” the navigator hissed, glaring back.

“What!?”

000

Kaya looked down at the flag Luffy passed to her, still reeling from all that happened. “Did-did they tell you why?” 

Luffy scratched his cheek, looking at Nami to explain.

His navigator shrugged with a blush. “Pirates don’t need much of a reason, right?”

“Why would a pirate go undercover for three years, though?” Merry asked, still lost in the details. “Doesn’t make sense.” 

“ Shamone !” 

Everyone in the group turned to Jango, the tied-up hypnotist waking up from his concussion with a shrill exclamation. 

“Got something to say?” Nami growled, unhappy that the pirate had managed to wake up at all. “Why did you all do any of this?”

Jango scanned the room, eyes locked onto Yamato, gripping her Kanabō, and gulped. “Captain wanted to be in the mistress's will!” 

Kaya blushed, hiding herself behind Usopp. “That pervert!” 

Usopp blinked before blushing as well. “That creep!” 

Nami blinked, looking at Zoro. “...I’m not dumb enough to understand this. Explain.” 

Zoro shrugged, looking towards the bottle of wine on the table like it owed him money. 

“He wanted to marry Kaya for money!?” Merry barked, one hand over his mouth like he was about to throw up. “That sick fuck!” 

Nami dry-heaved, “Oh god, I just imagined that. Oh, I’m gonna be sick.”

Yamato and Luffy tilted their heads a collective 90 degrees. 

“Ok, but why did he have golden turds on his tux?” the massive woman asked.

“ I don’t know~ ” Jango sang. 

“Can we leave now?” Luffy grumbled. 

“Yes!” his crew screamed back. 

“Ugh, I can’t believe I hit that pedo with my mace,” Yamato groaned, still scrubbing the metal. “You never told me you dealt with a bastard like him!” 

“We didn’t know!” Nami barked, then calmed down. “I mean, probably. I would’ve said something if I knew.” 

“Wait, what are they talking about?” Usopp whispered, leaning against Luffy. “Didn’t we just learn that?” 

“Oh, Yamato’s from the future,” Luffy stated, impossibly casual, a pinky up his nose. “Didn’t you know?”

“She’s what!? ” Usopp screeched. 

Luffy wiped the booger on Usopp and turned around. “Well, we need something!” 

“Training?” Zoro asked, holding a bottle of wine.

“Money?” Nami offered. 

“Sanity?!” Usopp cried. 

“A Jolly Roger!” Luffy announced, rushing into the hold.

“Ahaha! I can’t wait!” Yamato bounced, shaking Merry a little in the process. 

Nami sweat-dropped. “Wait, don’t you already know what it’s gonna be?”

Yamato crossed her arms with a pout. “You’re ruining my fun Nami!” 

“Wait, wait, wait!” Usopp announced, slapping the air. “I thought you were smart, Nami! Did you really buy into her lie?”

Yamato pouted harder. “Samurai don’t lie!” 

“The hell is a samurai!” Usopp screeched. 

Luffy slammed the door to the kitchen open, the wood crashing into Usopp and flattening him against the wall. “Ah, my bad Usopp…”

Usopp wheezed in pain. And crumbled onto the floor. 

“Anyway! This is our flag!” Luffy announced, lifting a…

Scribble up for all to see.

“It's amazing!” Yamato cheered. “You really captured your adventurous spirit!” 

Nami blinked and glared at Yamato. “Are-are you just saying that? It looks terrible.” A beat passed. 

“Wait a minute! Are you saying that to get in Luffy’s pants!?” Nami accused, stepping forward and jabbing a finger against Yamato’s chest. “Did you get back to the past to steal my husband!?” 

“You’re not married,” Zoro interjected, snickering. 

“Shut up, Lost Mossball!” Nami shrieked back.

“He’s our Husband!” Yamato confessed, her fists balled, pouting. “We’re married too!” 

“LIES!” Nami growled. 

Usopp blinked, slowly getting to his feet and shaking off the concussion. “What's going on?”

“They are torn over my artistic skill…” Luffy sniffled, turning to show his flag to Usopp. “My art was too controversial.”

“I’m proud of you.” Usopp huffed, holding onto Luffy’s shoulders and nodding with pride. 

“And… he’s married to Boa Hancock too?” Nami muttered, blinking slowly. “H-how, I thought she hated men.” 

“She loves Luffy, though,” Yamato mumbled, spinning her Kanabō on its side over the deck. “Begged to get married to him.” 

Meanwhile, with da boiz:

“Ok now, this is better for general audiences,” Usopp announced. He lifted a Jolly Roger depicting a skull wearing a straw hat up for the rest of the crew to see. 

“I think the other one sparked more fear in the hearts of our enemies,” Zoro grumbled.

“Everyone’s a critic.” Usopp sniffled. 

“Well, I like it!” Luffy announced with a wide smile. “Where are we headed anyway?”

“I’m keeping track.” Zoro hummed, taking another swing of wine. 

“Ok, good! Usopp, paint the sail too!” Luffy ordered, walking off. “I’m gonna go play with the cannon.” 

“Hancock begged? ” Nami whispered. 

“I mean, after she demanded a duel to the death for his hand, yeah,” Yamato grumbled. “Luffy didn’t want that, and you demanded him to marry her too after that.” 

Nami blushed. “I’m… still surprised he-” she gestured at Luffy messing around with a cannon on the deck, “-managed to get a lover, let alone… did you say four?” 

“I never actually counted…” Yamato admitted, pulling her hand up and starting to count off with her fingers.

Nami’s eyes widened as she filled one hand and passed to the other. 

“Oh my god, he’s a manwhore.”

“Oh no, that’s…” Yamato stopped herself with a hand over her mouth. “Ah, that’s a spoiler.”

Nami blinked widely. 

“Anyway…” Yamato hummed, then noticed she had used the hand she was counting to silence herself. “Dammit, I lost count…” she whined, starting again. 

The cannon Luffy was messing with set off, its load splashing in the water a few paces away from a rock formation. 

“Dammit. I lost count again!” Yamato growled, starting over. 

Usopp manned the cannon.

“Goddammit!” 

At this point, Nami didn’t even wanna know, and she was grateful when the next interruption came in the form of someone scaling the Merry to attack them.

“Ok, so, that’s scurvy.” Nami hummed, glaring at the wheezing form of Yosaku. “Did you stop eating fruits or somethin’?” 

“Men don’t need no fruits!” Johnny proclaimed. 

Nami slapped him across his face. “I have enough idiots on board.”

“Yeah!” Luffy announced, puffing his chest with pride.

“You’re one of them.” Nami groaned.

“And you love me!” 

Nami turned to face him with a massive blush. “Wh-when did you…” 

Luffy gave her a wide smirk. “Your blush is cute!” 

Nami screamed as she woke up from her nap. 

“Oh,” she breathed, a little calmer. “Was just a dream.”

“Morning!” Luffy cheered, and Nami punched him in the head in reflex.

“Ow! Your fist of Love hurts so bad, Nami!” Luffy whined, holding his head. 

“Stop calling it that!” She hissed, blushing again. “We're still headed to the Baratie, right?”

“Yeah, Zoro’s been keeping track of our heading.” Luffy hummed, resting his crossed arms on the empty lounge chair next to Nami’s. 

Nami nodded, stretching like a cat in hers. “Good.” 

She paused. Something about that was wrong, but she couldn’t tell what that was.

“Wait, did you say Zoro was checking our heading?”

Luffy nodded.

Nami wanted to scream. 

She did scream when she saw Cocoyashi on the Horizon. 

“HOW!?” She screamed, causing more of their crew to fill the upper deck. “HOW are we even HERE!?”

Everyone shared a confused look. 

Zoro shrugged. “Look, I just took us right, left, then right.”

“I-” Nami pinched the bridge of her nose. “Why? We were headed straight to the Baratie?”

Zoro smirked. “I knew a shortcut.” 

“YOU JUST LEARNED WHERE BARATIE WAS TODAY!”

“It was a gut feeling.” Zoro hummed. 

Nami just slumped, looking at the deck. “I’m… not even gonna ask how you got us here so fast.” 

“what's that supposed to mean?” Luffy mumbled, picking at his ear.

“Somehow? A day of sailing the other way,” Nami grumbled. “We’re nearing Cocoyashi, my home island.”

“Cool!” Luffy chirped with a smile. “...but didn’t you only nap for an hour?” 

“I know!” Nami barked, glaring back up at Zoro. “The hell did you do?” 

Zoro shrugged. 

“No one let him touch the helm ever again!” Nami ordered, looking at the crew rubbing her eyebrows. “Ok… ok…”

“Oh no, Bro. Isn’t Cocoyashi Arlong’s territory!?” Johnny paled, taking a few steps back. “Bros, we gotta run! Arlong will kill and eat us!” 

“First a pedo, and now a cannibal…” Usopp mumbled, shivering. “The ocean’s full of freaks.” 

That's when Moo-Moo swam to the surface, the massive cow-SeaKing roaring as it glared down to the Merry . 

Nami and Usopp screamed, hiding behind Luffy and Zoro, respectively. 

Yamato rolled her eyes. “What's a baby Sea King doing here?”

“BABY!?” Usopp and Nami shrieked.

Moo-Moo got offended, deciding to attack the ship. 

After a fight P.E.T.A. demanded to be cut; the Merry was strapped to Moo-Moo’s horns with long ropes, the SeaKing streaking towards Cocoyashi. Yamato and Luffy had ended up riding on their newly acquired booster engine’s head, laughing their lungs out. 

Nami was sobbing against the mast, Usopp still hiding behind the sleeping form of Zoro. “Why are we getting there even faster!?” 

“It’s fine!” Luffy screamed back, smiling at one of his supposed future wives. “I promised I would save your village, didn’t I?”

“I didn’t mean now when I agreed to that!” Nami screamed back. “I’m not ready emotionally!” 

“C’mon, it’ll be like a bandaid!” Luffy chuckled, jumping from the SeaKing back to the Merry , giving Nami a hand to help her stand. 

Nami looked at his hand, then up to his face. “Why are you doing this, anyway? It’s my burden alone.” 

Luffy tilted his head. 

“You shouldn’t have to do this,” Nami explained, looking away.

“Stupid,” Luffy said, blowing a raspberry. “I’d go to hell and back for you.” 

“He would!” Yamato said from the back of Moo-Moo. “Or—will? I’m not sure.” 

Nami blushed again, reached out, and grabbed Luffy’s hand. “Fine…”

“But leave the navigation to me next time, ok?” 

Luffy smirked.

Meanwhile, in Arlong Park:

“Did you pack the money for that rat?” Arlong hissed, grumpy over having to part with some of his hoard. “He’s coming soon.”

Choo nodded. “We got Nezumi’s payment ready.”

“Hey guys, have you seen Moo-Moo?” Hatchan asked, oblivious as ever.

“No, Hatchan. I haven’t seen the SeaKing. I’ve been on land since this morning,” Arlong growled, pinching his temples. “And last I checked, SeaKings don't go on land!” 

Meanwhile, on the other side of the Island:

“Slow down, you damn baby!” Yamato screamed to deaf ears as Moo-Moo continued its hectic swim, crashing into the beach and was sent flying, pulling Merry along for the airborne voyage.

Luffy screamed in joy and Nami in fear as she clung to the man for dear life. Zoro was still sleeping, even as Usopp shook the daylights out of him in terror. 

Johnny and Yosaku had jumped ship a nautical mile away. 

Yamato landed first, turned around, and panicked, running around and trying to see where the ship would land.

Bracing for impact, she got under the Merry before the ship crashed onto the same rock outcropping Moo-Moo had landed in, catching her with a heavy grunt as she spread her Haki over the hull to fortify it again. “Oh jeez, you’re heavy, Merry. ” 

The ship groaned in protest, splattering water over her.

Her impressive catch, however, hadn’t protected Merry’s passengers. Nami and Luffy had flown off the forecastle, the rubber captain bouncing against the rocks and pinging off somewhere, the navigator still clinging onto her captain for dear life. Zoro and Usopp had ended up crashing into the forecastle, both men falling through and into their hammocks. 

“Everyone ok in there?” Yamato asked, sweat running down her temple.

“We’re aliiiiive” Usopp whimpered, before passing out. 

“That was a nice nap.” Zoro yawned, somehow unaware. 

Yamato sighed in relief, almost dropping the ship down. “Zoro, can you help me carry the Merry to shore?”

Zoro yawned again. “Sure.”

The swordsman blinked “...wait what?”

Nami panted, her breath heavy in her chest, as she gazed down at Luffy, sweat running down her frame. “That was… breath-taking.”

Luffy nodded with a wide grin. “Didn’t know I could bounce that much!” 

Nojiko opened the door of their house and paled at the sight. “Sis, what the fuck? ”

Nami slowly turned to look at her sister. “Oh hey, Nojiko.” 

She paused and looked down to see that she was straddling Luffy, both of them disheveled from their rough crash-landing. He’d managed to take the brunt of every bounce they had on their way. But that didn’t really matter now. 

She blushed and punched him away, scampering off his body. “It’s not what it looks like!” 

Nojiko rolled her eyes. “Sure. Didn’t Genzo make you promise to wait until marriage?”

“We are married, though,” Luffy grumbled, rubbing his head. “Fist of love hurts…”

“We’re not married yet!” Nami roared. 

Nojiko smirked. “Yet?”

“God! DAMMIT!”

Meanwhile, in the Sky:

“Someone keeps cursing me,” Enel grumbled, annoyed.

“Maybe you should give them divine punishment, my liege.” one of his retainers offered, bowing deeply. 

Enel still shocked the man. No one told God what to do. 

“I can sense the curses but can’t feel the source,” he grumbled, munching on a banana. “Whatever, can’t be that important.”

“Your husband from the future?” Nojiko mumbled, tapping her teacup. “Sis, did you hit your head?” 

“No, no, he’s current,” Nami explained again. “We got a… wife?” 

She looked at Luffy for confirmation.

The man smiled back blankly, not helping her at all in the conversation. 

“Wife. Who traveled back in time. She’s the one who told us we would get married.” Nami continued, understanding that she was alone in this. 

Nojiko blinked. “Aren’t you supposed to be the one that takes people for a ride? Not the other way around?”

“Oh! I’d like a ride!” Luffy said giddily. 

Nami turned and blinked at the man.

Nojiko broke out into laughter. 

“Not that kind of ride, Luffy.” 

The rubber captain wilted with an ‘aw.’

Nami turned to the snickering Nojiko, “he didn't mean that kind of ride either.” she hissed, blushing.

“Ok, maybe this wife of yours might be onto something.” Nojiko giggled, waving her hand dispelling Nami’s objection. “You two do make a good couple.” 

Nami blushed harder. 

“Wait. weren’t we supposed to go beat up Allwrong?” Luffy asked, tilting his head.

“Oh right…” Nami hummed, nodding slowly.

Nojiko looked at the two. “...are you sure you didn’t get like- concussions? This is Arlong we’re talking about.” 

“Yeah, that bitch.” Luffy announced, bouncing to his feet. “Imma go snap his schnozz.” 

“Shouldn’t we go find the others first?” Nami asked, getting to her feet.

“I’m sure they’ll find their way there.” 

Meanwhile:

“Which way is the ocean again?” Yamato asked, looking around as she lifted Merry ’s aft up to her chest. Zoro managed to hold her bow above his head in front of the Oni-woman.

“Left,” the swordsman announced, turning right.

Usopp was still unconscious, tangled in his hammock, unable to help.

Still not knowing better, Yamato followed his lead.

“No, Hatchan, for the last time.” Arlong hissed, his hand crunching the armrest of his throne. “I’ve not seen Moo-Moo!”

The gate to Arlong Park shuddered with a massive smash. 

“Oh, what now ?” Arlong grumbled before turning to see the dent in the steel. 

A moment later, the heavy steel door was kicked down, flying into him and sending him crashing down into his tower. 

Luffy roared with a wordless battle cry. “Which one of you is Oblong!?” 

The fishmen pirates blinked at the human, then to where Arlong was sitting a moment ago. 

Arlong tossed the door off him with a roar. “Who’s asking!?” 

“Monkey D. Luffy!” Luffy answered as he rushed up close, his arms stretching as he gripped the gate he’d busted the door off. 

“Nami’s husband,” he announced as he let his hands go. An overcharged Gum-Gum Bazooka caught Arlong in the chest and sent him through the building behind him.

The Fishman pirates blinked at the sight, then turned to Nami. She waved with an evil smirk on her face. 

Hatchan closed the gap, setting off a party popper. “Congrats, Nami!”

“Oh, you should probably duck,” Nami told the octopus fishman, just as Luffy set off a Gum-Gum Whip, his rubberized leg shooting out in a circle and catching all of the fishmen in the ribs, sending them careening into Arlong Tower as well.

“Oh, he’s strong too.” Hatchan nodded, approving of his friend's significant other. “So, where did you meet?” 

“Oh, you know…” 

Arlong panted, shoving his way through his unconscious men and grabbing his Kiribachi on his way out of his tower. “You worthless scum.” he hissed, glaring a hole through Luffy. “You think you can win with a bunch of sucker punches? All humans are like you! All a buncha damn cowards!” 

Luffy tilted his head. “...I’m like- a pirate, did you think I’d fight fair?” 

“Shut up, human scum! I’ll show you the—” Arlong paused in his boasting, double-taking before turning to the gate. “I…is that a ship?” 

Nami flinched and turned too, seeing Zoro and Yamato lug the Merry down the path. “Oh, what the hell!” 

“See! It’s the ocean!” Zoro smirked, picking up his pace. “And you said we were lost!”

“Do you fucking think I’m a joke!?” Arlong growled, his knuckles cracking as he gripped his blade tighter. “I’m gonna enjoy tearing you all limb from limb!” 

Luffy punched the sharkman in the balls, causing the man to double over in pain. “You talk too much!” 

“I’m- I’m gonna kill you last, you piece of shit…” Arlong wheezed between groans of pain. 

That's when Yamato caught sight of the man. “Oh my god, that’s Arlong!?” her face scrunched, and she lost a little bit of her grip, causing Zoro to groan and overcorrect.

This, in turn, caused Usopp’s cannon shot to go wide and strike true on the Arlong Tower instead of the original target: Arlong himself. 

“He looks nothing like Shyarly!” Yamato continued, getting her grip back, unfazed even as the tower started crumbling. 

“...wait,” Nami hummed, pinching her chin. “Isn’t that one of Luffy’s wives?”

Arlongs eyes snapped open, adrenaline managing to overpower the pain in his balls. “You bedded my baby sister!?” 

“Am gonna,” Luffy answered. “Whatcha gonna do ‘bout it?” 

Arlong roared, aiming to strangle his would-be brother-in-law.

“Woah! Yamato to the right! Right!” 

But before Arlong could attempt fratricide, the haki-infused wood of Merry crashed onto the side of his head, crushing his nose and teeth. Zoro couldn’t hold onto the out-of-control ship and let go, and the Merry pulled Arlong down as she fell. Her hull dragged over the fishman and crushed him completely on her way into the water as Yamato kept pushing, managing to guide the Straw-hat’s ship into the water with a massive splash.

Arlong wheezed, indented into the concrete, and bleeding profusely. 

“No, seriously. How does he share genes with Shyarly?” Yamato asked, panting a little before taking a step back, accidentally stepping on Arlong’s crotch. 

The sharkman couldn’t even scream in pain before he passed out. 

“...Ewww…”

Chapter Text

Last time, on a Side with Oden; 

“Men! Arm yourselves!” Genzo ordered again, arcing a hand through the air as if commanding an army. “Today we will finally right this wrong! Today we will fight for ourselves! For Nami!” 

The men of Cocoyashi roared, pulling out every single weapon they had managed to hide from Arlong, steel combing through the winds of their pillaged village. 

Nojiko gasped at the sight, trembling. “You- you’re going to fight Arlong too!?” she squeaked, unable to help herself. “But-but he’ll kill you! Don’t throw away everything Nami worked so hard for!” 

Genzo blinked and turned to his tanned sorta-daughter. “What are you talking about, Nojiko? This isn’t about him.”

The villagers paused, blinking. “...wait- then why are we armed?” 

“To kill that bastard who held Nami’s hand before marriage!” Genzo roared, lifting his saber. 

The sound of the collective facepalm was heard all the way in Arlong Park. 

000

Nami glared down into the crater. At Arlong’s unmoving body. 

He looked so small now, his face locked in pain, embedded flush with the concrete that made up the plaza of Arlong Park. Even his nose was flattened against his face, crushing even the most minute piece of his pride.

Luffy was at her side, his mere presence calming her senses.

“If this is a dream, I don’t want to wake up…” she breathed wistfully, turning to him with a gentle smile on her lips. “Thanks… Captain.” 

Luffy smiled back at her in another sun-beam smile, adjusting the hat on his head. “Stupid, we’re still chasing those!” 

She giggled and punched his chest weakly. “You’re the last one that can call people that!” Then her eyes landed on the stick in his grasp, his hand trembling. 

“...Luffy, what is that?” 

He started whistling, hiding his stick behind his back. “...what is what?”

“I saw a stick,” she insisted, glaring at him before remembering who he was. “What were you…” She blinked and started laughing. “You want to poke him?”

“Can I!” Luffy asked, not even waiting for an answer before starting to poke Arlong with the stick faster than she could fully see. Nami swore he whispered ‘gum-gum gatling’ under his breath as he stabbed the pointy end of the twig against the… 

Honestly, Nami didn’t know if Arlong was still alive or not, as she couldn’t see anything resembling breathing from the big fishman. And seeing the blood between his legs, she doubted that he would want to be alive if he weren’t.

“Merry’s Ok!” Usopp called out from the ship, finishing his fifth check of the caravel, still looking slightly worried. Then again, Nami hadn’t seen him look non-worried since they met.

“Thank you, Usopp!” Nami called out, looking away from Luffy poking the stick into Arlong’s gills with a loud childish ‘eww’. 

Nami turned around with a dangerous look in her eyes, glaring at the remains of Arlong Tower. “...and now for what I’m owed…”  

Meanwhile, underwater:

“Madame Shyarly! Thank you for taking my request!” Jimbe bellowed, laughing merrily as he settled in a seat, offering a drink to the beautiful shark-mermaid. “I know you had decided to stop looking into the future, but I thought this was important!” 

Shyarly hummed gently, looking down into the crystal ball in her hands. “...you’re right, First son of the Sea- but I still am wary of what the future holds. These visions have been nothing but a curse upon me…” she huffed, one hand rubbing the smooth surface of the ball. “But I cannot deny your earnest request. You were worried about Arlong?” 

“Yes,” Jimbe huffed, worry filling his large frame as he rubbed the back of his head. “I wasn’t informed that he had left here until recently… I just wish to know if he’s going to- or has caused trouble. It’s what Tiger-san would’ve wanted me to do.” 

Shyarly nodded solemnly, “I will do my best, but it is hard to look so minutely into the future about people not nearby… let us proceed.” 

For once, she was proven wrong as images filled her head easily, Arlong embedded into the concrete, etching itself into her brain. “...this is-” She gasped gently, her focus shifting onto the human poking her half-dead half-brother. “I believe humans will defeat him,” she gasped, returning her senses to reality. She rubbed the crystal again to ground herself in the present… then again, had she drifted too far that time? 

She wasn’t sure. Every time she looked into the future, she would get a feel for when she was looking at. 

This time, it felt as if she was peering into the next five minutes. 

“Oh…” Jimbei hummed, deflating slightly, either from relief or worry, the psychic mermaid couldn’t tell. “Can you tell me anything about who?” 

Shyarly rubbed her hood, sighed, and reached out to grab the ball again, attempting to see into the future of someone she only had a glimpse of. 

Jimbei watched in horror as her face shifted into confusion, horror, and… he couldn’t decipher what that look was, only that her blushing face and trembling shoulders, and labored breathing looked uncomfortable. “Shyarly! Is everything ok? You don’t need to push yourself so har-”

“IT STRETCHES???” 

“I feel like we are forgetting something…” Zoro grumbled, taking another sip of his drink as the party of Cocoyashi continued. 

“It’s probably not important!” Usopp cheered as he hopped down from the spire he’d erected in the middle of town to shower the residents with his tales of heroism. “We saved a village after all!” 

“...weren’t you headed somewhere else, bro?” Johnny offered, scratching his chin, it was stung by a jellyfish in his paddle to cocoyashi. “Baratie, wasn’t it?” 

“Ah, right,” Zoro hummed, “whatever, it’s probably not that important.”

“What’s all this then!” 

The party died in its tracks as the nasally voice of a Marine broke through the loud merriment of the people. “Where is Arlong!?” 

“Dunno.” Luffy announced from his spot on Yamato’s shoulders, the woman jumping to the front of the much shorter marine man. “But Oblong is still in the floor, I think.” 

“Ohhhh, that explains the crater…” one of the marine’s mumbled, his short captain shooting the man a glare.

“Then where is the loot he had?” the captain offered, giving a sly grin up to the two pirates, probably not even realizing who they were. “We need to confiscate that for… Legal purposes.” 

That’s when Nami made herself known, pushing Yamato to the side, causing Luffy to topple to the floor with a soft whump. “What are you talking about?” she screeched, glaring down at the Marine. “Where were you when we needed him gone!?” 

“Paperwork,” the Marine shrugged. “Now I’m here and I will do it by the letter of the law!” he lied with another sly grin, as if that was gonna fly with the angered red-head. “Or should I take you in for obstruction of justice?” he added, his eyes going under her collarbones. “Though my ship is a little cram-”

The words couldn’t even finish before the end of a bo-staff ended up embedding itself between the man’s legs, his already shrill voice getting even higher as he collapsed onto the ground with what sounded like a death rattle. 

“...that took longer than I thought,” were the only words said in the resounding silence left behind by the sudden violence, Nojiko barely keeping her giggle restrained as she finished her quip. “Hey, brother-in-law, shouldn’t you protect your wife?” 

Luffy blinked and sat up off the ground. “Why? Nami can handle them.” 

Said ‘wife’ blinked and flushed, the heat of anger replaced by another. 

“Plus she would’ve hit me instead if I did.” 

The switch happened again and Nami’s hands ended up around Luffy’s neck, roughly shaking the rubber man, much to his apparent delight. 

“Nami! That’s only for the bedroom!” Yamato chastised, ignoring Genzo fainting in the background at her words. Even as the rest of the village worked up to a panic. 

Nojiko let out an exaggerated gasp. “How Lewd! Nami, I know you can’t wait for the Honeymoon, but you shouldn’t act this way!”

The redhead couldn’t respond over the constant barrage of teases- unintentional or not, and ground to a halt in her attempt to process everything that happened in the last five seconds. 

“Honeymoon? What’s that? Is it tasty, Nami?” Luffy asked, his neck stretching out, his face so close to hers.

Unable to take any more, she lifted her captain off the ground and tossed him into the arms of Yamato, dusting her hands and cracking her knuckles after it was done, looking at the remainder of the marines still panicking over their fallen leader, a way-too-sweet smile spreading on her lips. 

“I’m gonna hurt you now,” Nami announced; the Marines, who were bigger men than her, felt small under her words. “I don’t know when I’ll stop.” 

One of the braver ones held his hands defensively, “M-mercy!”

His pleas landed on deaf ears.

After nearly an hour, Nami dusted her hands again, finally free of her anger. “God, I feel refreshed after that…” 

The Marines groaned at her words, their broken bodies twitching weakly. 

“No wonder Luffy’s afraid of you…” Yamato mumbled, the man in her arms snoring softly. She had some questions on how he could sleep with the horrific pleas of help echoing in the town square, but had already chalked it up to him being special. 

Nami turned to face her momentarily, then looked down at Luffy in her arms. A soft blush gracing her features. Yamato smiled at her response.

Nami growled ‘unfair’ huffing a little. “Come along, Yamato, let’s find him a bed.” 

“Oh my!” 

Nami glared at her sister. “Not like that, Nojiko!” 

“Suuuuurrreee~” Nojiko purred back, her hand against her lips in the epitome of smugness. “You just wanna go to bed with your ‘future husband and wife’ for wholesome reasons” 

Nami blustered a bit before grabbing Yamato by her shirt. “Come along.” 

Yamato followed like an obedient puppy without understanding what ‘wholesome’ even meant. 

Mystery holes…

Zoro woke up with a snort at the break of dawn, hearing something in the distance. 

Sounds like…

He blinked and decided that he wasn’t sober enough for this, getting up to find more to drink.

“Luffy.” 

The rubber man bounced out of bed, not disturbed by the only article of clothing on him being his hat on his head, his bedmates groaning slightly and shifting under the covers. “Yeah, Zoro?” 

Zoro glared at him through the window, his face stuck between awe and horror as he did his best to ignore the sight behind his captain. “We need to go.” 

Luffy tilted his head, “...why?”

Zoro grumbled and shook the empty bottle in his hands, “They are out of booze.” 

Luffy’s expression didn’t change.

“And food.” Zoro lied. 

Twenty minutes later, a wobbly-legged Nami navigated the Merry out of the harbor with bleary eyes. 

“Wait a minute…” Nami grumbled softly, rubbing her eyes. Three hours into their voyage. “ WHY did we LEAVE?! ” 

“Out of food!” Luffy announced happily from his spot in Yamato’s lap on the figurehead. Yamato grumbled and nuzzled against his neck a little more. The two hours of sleep they had got wasn’t enough for the large woman, clearly. 

Nami blinked, her thoughts taking a little longer to register in her sleep-deprived state. “...I guess we ran out of cooked food…” she mumbled, trying to remember if Luffy had been less ravenous than usual with their nightly activities. 

If her brain was still working right after what he did, which she was doubting, the intimacy had only made him more ravenous than usual. 

In more than one way. 

A blush covered her cheeks at the memories of last night, a dopey smile on her face. 

Usopp looked at her response with worry. “...are we sure she isn’t too drunk to navigate us?” 

“Well, I am not,” Zoro grumbled, unsatisfied with his own sobriety, walking towards the kitchen and the helm. 

Usopp had an inkling that he should’ve stopped the swordsman, but his gaze shifted to Nami, daydreaming about something or another. “What the hell happened last night?” he mumbled, too busy worrying about catching whatever Yamato, Luffy and Nami had to care about Zoro manning the helm. 

“Now…” Zoro’s voice cut into his thoughts. “How to go back to Shell's town…” 

Nami bolted awake, only now noticing that she had fallen back asleep. 

In Luffy’s arms.

She blinked again, squirming slightly under his rubberized arms wrapped around her body, tying her to him. But as she realized that they were on the figurehead of the Merry her attempts to escape were thwarted, replaced by the fear of falling into the sea- and possibly under the ship. 

“ L-luffy, ” she whispered, not sure how loud she wanted to be to not risk waking him too abruptly and causing him to drop her. “ Luffy, wake up…”

Yamato stirred awake instead, grumbling softly. “Mmn, five more minutes Namiiii-” reminding the navigator that the oni was their seat at the current moment. 

Unable to help herself, Nami smiled softly. “...fine…” she mumbled, nuzzling harder against the collective hug, looking out to the ocean. 

At the Baratie .

“...what the fuck .” 

Whatever comfort she would’ve got in the grasp of her two lovers was lost instantly at the sight of the massive floating restaurant bobbing with the waves on the horizon impossibly. Her eyes tracked the skies to get a sense of how high the sun was.

Unless she had slept an entire forty-six hours without realizing, they shouldn’t have been where they were. Nowhere close. 

Her eyes were starting to burn as she attempted to squeeze them shut for long enough to get the sight of their current heading being so close wiped away by her eyelids, but when she had opened them again, the restaurant was still there. 

Nami didn’t know if she regretted not being awake to see how in the seven hells Zoro got them here so fast, or thankful she didn’t need to see the incomprehensible.

She was already partaking in that a little too much with her interactions with Yamato and Luffy. 

Speaking of, she strained against their collective grip a little more, trying to slither out from under their arms. 

As she did, she went through a checklist in her mind. She decided that, under no circumstances, she would question Zoro’s abilities as the helmsman; however, she would never let him use them again. 

Knowing his track record, even under her command, he would end up sailing them to the moon before the Grand Line. Somehow. Against all odds and the concept of logic itself.

So the eldritch skills he employed at warping them to the Baratie in one-sixth of the time they should’ve taken would remain unused.

“Zoro! Zoro, what the FUCK did you DO!” she screamed, Yamato starting to stir a little more with a groan, Luffy only nuzzling against them both with a whine. 

“I got us back to Shells town!” Zoro screamed back, “What’s the big problem?” 

Nami blinked, almost bursting into tears. 

“THAT IS THE BARATIE!” She screeched out, almost causing Yamato to drop both her and Luffy into the ocean, “The floating restaurant!” 

“The fuck is that?” 

That is when Luffy snapped awake, and attempted to jump out of his seat with the cheer of ‘food’.

Nami was thankful that Yamato seemed to be expecting the reaction and grabbed them in time to not get a soak in the ocean.

Barely.

Yamato had managed to grab Luffy’s ankle in time, true. But nothing had stopped his leg from stretching, the giggling anchor way too close to the dark blue waters, one hand on his hat to keep it from falling off.

She grumbled gently as both she and Luffy hung down the side of Merry’s figurehead, the tips of her hair getting teased by the waves. 

“We’re here!” 

“You are Lucky this is where we actually wanted to go, swordsman,” Nami almost spat as they were guided to their seats, giving Zoro a stink-eye strong enough to smolder the wood behind them. 

Yamato snuck glances at the marks left behind on the wood. Nudging Luffy with her elbow to get him to notice, too. But the man was too enamored by the visuals of delectable food on the tables to pay her too much mind. 

Usopp whimpered and looked away from Nami’s powerful glare, nursing the welts on the back of his head. He didn’t deserve it, he was sure of that, but he was still in a better place than Zoro, his entire head slightly swollen with the beating he had received.

Ironically, his swollen brow ridge was protecting his eyes from the caustic glare Nami was shooting at him. 

The sharp-shooter didn’t doubt that Nami wouldn’t have stopped, if Yamato hadn’t pulled her off physically, and whatever argument the navigator was going to give to elongate her zealous punishment was forgotten as Luffy’s rubber arms wound around both of their waists and dragged them off with a cheer of ‘food’. 

Normally, Usopp would be impressed that Luffy could lift Yamato. 

At that moment he was impressed that he could move Nami.   

Honestly, the power dynamic between the three was a mystery to the long-nosed man, but he wasn’t going to question it. He still remembered what Nami had done to the Marines to vent her embarrassment in Cocoyashi, the last thing he needed was to get in her sights without a platoon to pummel instead of him. 

So when Lieutenant Fullbody—or whatever the fancily dressed man had claimed to be— started being a public ass, Usopp was relieved, knowing that they had a lightning rod for their navigator. 

“He seems cool!” Luffy muttered between bites of Usopp’s food?  

The sniper looked down at his plate, seeing his own reflection on the shiny china. His fists weakly landed on the table in despair.

It had been licked clean.

“He should be our cook!” 

Nami shot a glance at Yamato, Usopp shaking off his woes to take in the small interaction. 

Just how deeply did the navigator believe the time travel lie?

“Really? He looks kinda lame” Zoro grumbled, looking down at the finished bottle, as if he needed to confirm he could force it to produce more alcohol if he glared at it for long enough.

That is when the sous-chef made himself known to the crew for the first time, twirling on the tip of his shoes and kneeling between Nami and Luffy. “Is there anything else I can bring you, mademoiselle ?” 

“More meat!” Luffy and Yamato demanded in tandem, and Sanji could not ignore the order this time, pirouetting on his toes again to kneel at Luffy’s other side, facing Yamato, “Of course, my sinful beauty!” 

Most of the table- everyone other than Luffy and Yamato could only stare as the man in the suit pranced his way back into the kitchen. 

“...did- did he make a pass at Yamato?” Usopp mumbled, still taken aback.

“I know I would’ve,” Yosaku admitted, causing Johnny to spit-take. 

“Brave man,” Zoro grumbled, sipping from his bottle. 

Nami just dumbly nodded before looking at Luffy. “...not jealous, at all?” 

Their captain blinked, swallowed what was in his mouth, and then glanced back at Yamato, who glanced back at him. 

“...what does sinful mean?” they asked in tandem, turning to Nami.

Even the other patrons face-palmed at their question

“Right, what was I thinking…?” Nami sighed, softly smiling at her two idiots.

That’s when a gunshot echoed in the restaurant, tossing most of the customers into disarray. 

Usopp looked curiously at the door. “...did that Marine just die?”

“Yeah” Zoro hummed, “Surprised you’re not freaking out.” 

“Man, I got a lot going on lately.” 

Nami hummed gently “...you think that’s gonna be our problem?”

“Not if I can help it!” Luffy answered, jumping out of his seat and dashing outside right after Gin as he was kicked out of the restaurant.

“Ah,” Nami breathed, looking at his empty seat. “Now it’s definitely gonna be.” 

Zoro sipped a little bit more from his bottle. “How bad could it be?”

“HOW” Zoro growled, looking at the flagship of the Krieg pirates. 

Luffy scratched the back of his head. “Honestly, I don’t know this time.” 

“...are you implying that you knew the last time?” Nami asked, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“I plead the fifth.” Luffy announced, crossing his arms.

“Answer m- there is no way you know what that is.” Nami barked. 

That’s when the galleon was neatly diced as they stared.

Zoro slowly turned to the source of the slashes he had barely noticed, seeing something he thought he wouldn’t get to so soon. His hand landed on Luffy’s shoulder, and he shook the rubber-man gently. “Luffy.”

His captain nodded slowly, “Yeah Zoro?”

“I love ya, man. Keep doing what you’re doing.” 

Luffy only smiled. “That’s the plan!” 

“Do not enable him!” Nami argued. 

Zoro smirked and jumped onto the open deck of the Baratie. 

“Dracule Mihawk! I, Ronoroa Zoro, challenge you to a duel!” 

“Mn? That’s Mihawk?” Yamato hummed, tilting her head. “...thats weird.”

“What do you mean?” Nami asked, hiding behind the bigger woman slightly. 

“He’s known as the world’s greatest swordsman… but I don’t feel any haki.” 

“What dat?” Usopp asked, scratching under his nose. 

“Mystery power that makes your willpower manifest.” Yamato hummed. “All powerful people use it… especially on the Grand Line.” 

Nami nodded slowly. “...ok and?”

“Well, it’s weird that Mihawk doesn’t have any.” 

“One doesn’t use a cannon to hunt a rabbit!” Mihawk called out as he made his way onto the deck. 

“Yeah- but I thought a black blade would still have a signature…” Yamato grumbled, scratching her hair. 

Mihawk coughed to the side and avoided her gaze, turning to Zoro. “I-i accept your challenge, Roronoa!” 

Nami blinked. “...is it me or did he try to change the topic?”

Usopp nodded. “He definitely did.” 

Luffy jumped back onto the railing at that time. “Hey guys, what did I miss?” 

Nami blinked widely at the man. “...where were you?” 

“Doing stuff.”

Nami looked to the side where Don Krieg and his men used to be, only seeing flaming wreckage and broken men howling in pain. 

“...uh…huh.”

Chapter Text

Last time: On a Side of Oden;

Zoro woke up with a start at daybreak to the sound of yodelling, warily walking towards the source and getting lost merely once down the well-trodden path up to Nami’s house. 

“Just what are they doing up there…”

He saw a silhouette through the curtains that left his face colorless 

“...IT STRETCHES?” he screamed up to the heavens, his voice joined by another he did not want to think about. 

“That’s Mihawk! One of the Seven Warlords of the Sea!” Yosaku exclaimed, unable to keep the information to himself as he watched Zoro and Mihawk measure each other up. “He must be as strong as Arlong then!” 

Yamato blinked widely at the proclamation, honestly stunned to silence for a beat “...explain?” 

“Well, Arlong was in the same crew as Jimbei, another Warlord!” Yosaku attempted to explain, looking away from the one-sided fight, “Just makes sense, doesn’t it?”

“You know who ELSE is a member of the Seven Warlords!?” Johnny butted in, thankfully. 

“MY MOM!” 

“For the last time, Johnny, just ‘cause you call Boa Hancock your mommy doesn’t make her your actual mother!” Yosaku chastised, rubbing his forehead. 

“She doesn’t like getting called that anyway,” Yamato huffed, deciding to ignore Yosaku’s earlier blustering.

The two men stared at the giant of a woman, silently begging for her to elaborate further about the pirate empress. 

She never did. 

Instead, the oni woman turned to see Luffy pass some diamonds to Nami, the navigator beaming with a smile at the transaction, smiling towards the two.

“Guys,” Usopp mumbled, the only one still staring at the fight between Mihawk and Zoro, “the fight?” 

“Don’t you care if he lives or dies?” Sanji asked, his hands in a white-knuckle grip around the fence of the Baratie. He glanced to his side at the shitty old man watching along with them, just as unaffected. “Doesn’t he?” 

Zeff kneed the blonde in the back with a soft grumble, “No, you fool. They all know he is ready to die on the path to his dream.” 

Nami shot a quiet look  at Yamato, one eyebrow raised for a moment, and then nodded to herself, relaxing against the railing. 

The taller woman started sweating, understanding what Nami did and reached out to grab Luffy and pull him close. “Luffy, if Nami can read my mind, does that mean that I’m spoiling stuff?” 

“She can read yours too!?” Luffy exclaimed, suddenly giddy, before he snapped back to serious when he heard the sound of shattering metal. 

Both Luffy and Yamato glared balefully at the battlefield as Mihawk shattered Zoro’s two blades. Their green-haired swordsman silently sheathed the surviving Wado and turned around to face Mihawk, a feral grin stretching his bloody face. 

“Scars on the back are a swordsman’s shame!” he exclaimed, arms spread wide.

Mihawk smirked and used Yoru to slash across  the younger man’s chest, though not clean through him.

Both Yamato and Luffy blinked into existence from their place on deck to the makeshift duel platform as Zoro fell back into the ocean, defeated. Mihawk arched an eyebrow at the vibrations through his blade, having had to use the flat of Yoru to defend against Luffy’s punch, as he couldn’t dodge out of the way fully while also sidestepping Yamato’s Kanabo. 

The duo was in sync in a way Mihawk rarely saw, let alone had to combat.  

“You’re…?” Mihawk glowered, looking slightly annoyed. 

“Monkey D. Luffy!” Luffy bellowed, cracking his knuckles. “The man who will become the king of pirates!” 

“And I’m the person who will become the next Oden!” Yamato added, slamming the tip of her Kanabo to the wood at her feet. 

Mihawk blinked, “Now that is a name I’ve not heard in a long time…” 

Yamato squinted. “Also, you’re brave. Calling yourself the greatest swordsman without even coming to Wano...” 

“Lu-Luffy!” 

Whatever Yamato was saying was lost to the waves as Zoro proclaimed his promise to never lose again, and by the time they turned around Mihawk had disappeared. 

The two looked at each other. 

“...ok, how did he do that?” Luffy mumbled softly. 

“...honestly, I don’t even know.” 

Sanji looked between the half-dead body of Zoro and the flaming wreckage of the Krieg pirate armada, torn so thoroughly on what to do.

Part of him was impressed by the sights he’d glimpsed. Another was shocked that there were lunatics who were idiotic enough to put themselves in harm's way, the way these pirates had. 

Luffy had no reason to dismantle the other crew the way he had, and Zoro looked like he was trying to kill himself battling someone so much stronger than himself. 

“Why?” The question left his lips before he could think. 

Luffy turned to him with a tilt of his head, Yamato doing the same a second later.

“I told you the reason, you foolish little eggplant! They are fools chasing their dreams,” Zeff grumbled, crossing his arms. “You oughtta learn a thing or two from them.” 

Sanji looked at his adoptive-father blankly. “You’re just saying that ‘cause you wanna get rid of me.” 

Nami stopped fussing around with applying first aid to Zoro and got up to glare at the two men. “Can you two IDIOTS talk and say what you ACTUALLY mean?!’ 

Sanji started blushing at her outburst, looking away from Zeff “...it’s not like I care about what you think, shitty geezer.” 

“Hmph. The feeling is mutual, little eggplant.” Zeff grumbled. 

“You bunch of…” Nami sighed, slapping her face with a soft grumble. “Why is every man here so emotionally constipated…?” 

“I’m not,” Usopp defended, his face stony.  

Nami turned to him with a sad look, “...Yes, yes you are.” 

“Pst, Yamato,” Luffy ‘whispered,’ a little too loud for his effort to amount to anything, “what does Emotional cons- conscription mean?” 

“It’s when you get angry cause you can’t poop,” Yamato explained. 

“Ohhhh…”

“No, it’s not that!” Nami screamed back, smacking Yamato’s butt in exasperation. Making the older woman wince and rub it with a whine. “It’s when people try to bottle up their own emotions and don’t say what they mean!” 

Luffy looked confused at the statement. “Who the hell does that? That’s dumb…” 

“And that’s why I like you,” Nami admitted, blushing slightly. 

Yamato raised an accusatory eyebrow. Nami simply turned to avoid her pointed gaze. 

Sanji, meanwhile, noticing how he could get into the good graces of Nami, spun on the balls of his feet and kneeled next to her, “But of course, you are right! I should be more honest!” 

He stood back up and stared at Zeff, some of the love struck energy fading from his expression as he rose to his full height. “You saved my life, old man. So I’ll stay here and even die for this restaurant of your dreams.” 

Before anyone else could respond Luffy’s rubberised arm latched onto the cooks collar, rocketing him back towards him and slamming his forehead against the sous-chefs’, making the cook see stars with the sudden impact, “What the hell do you mean, dumbass!?” the young captain roared, baring his teeth. “He didn’t save your life for you to throw it away!” 

Sanji glared back at the captain and gripped his collar too, “What do you know, rubber bastard?!” 

“I know that you are a coward!” Luffy spat out. 

“No, that’s Usopp,” Yamato huffed, slightly smiling. 

“Oi…” Usopp exclaimed softly, slapping the air. 

“Enough,” Zeff grumbled, rubbing his head. “Look, Luffy was it? Just take this little eggplant and show him the world. Maybe then his soup will taste like something edible.” 

Nami glared at the older man. “Can you PLEASE just say what you really mean?” 

Zeff looked back at the young navigator with a set jaw. 

Sanji looked between the two. 

“Just go find the All Blue, Sanji,” Zeff grumbled, unhappy that he lost the staring contest with the orange haired navigator, “For both of our dreams.”

“Eh…?” Sanji mumbled

“See, was it that hard?” Nami huffed, crossing her arms. 

Zeff grumbled even more and looked away with a snort. “Just get outta here already, we’re running out of food ‘cause of that black hole you call Captain.” 

“Wait, no, seriously, Zeff, what did you mean by that?” Sanji mumbled, letting go of Luffy in shock. 

“GET OFFA MY LAWN DAMMIT!” the older chef exclaimed, clinking away from the group. 

“...Damn who shat in his cereal?” Zoro grumbled, waking back up from his brief coma after Yosaku and Johnny’s efforts in healing him. “Keep it down, old timer, I’m trying to take a nap here!”  

“Dammit Marimo!” Sanji cursed, glaring at the man on the deck, “I was worried you died, you fool! You know that swordsman diced a ship like an onion right?!” 

“Shut up curlybrow!” Zoro shot back, groaning a little as his bandages tugged at his sluggishly bleeding slash wound.  “I’m way tougher than an onion!”

“Do you know who else is stronger than an Onion?” Johnny started, only to get smacked in the head by Yosaku for his efforts.

“I’m up to my tits in morons,” Nami sighed, dreading what was to come. 

“Nami, Luffy and I are both taller than your tits, though?” Yamato tilted her head at the navigator’s despair.

“Oh, hey Zoro, he’s our new cook!” Luffy cheered, ignoring everything else and grabbing Sanji by his shoulder. 

“What are you-” Sanji blinked at the half-hug he’d been pulled into, “Don’t count me in yet! What if I refuse your offer?” 

“Then he’ll refuse your refusal~” Yamato sing-songed, hugging Sanji from the other side, “Welcome to the crew, Sanji!” 

Sanji blubbered in a language forgotten by man and started cheering along. 

Meanwhile, with the Marines

“Ok, explain this to me slowly this time,” Bogard ordered, ignoring another loud chomp of Garp’s rice cracker. 

“Amazon woman came in, beat the shit out of Morgan the Tyrant with a wacky rubber man,” the current leader of Shell’s Town explained. 

“...I said slowly,” Bogard grumbled. “Elaborate.” 

The acting captain shivered slightly. “...I- I can’t. I do not wish to remember the horrors.” 

“Sounds like my grandson,” Garp hummed, finally swallowing his mouthful of crackers.

Bogard did not want to ask which part. 

“Anyway, that chore boy with the pink hair. And the blond,” the old marine hero pointed at the two sweeping the courtyard, “I’m taking them under my wing for training.” 

The leader blinked, “but… why?” 

“Would be funnie.”

Bogard face-palmed.

Back on the wrong side of the law

“Bepo stop looking at me like that, I’m not giving you snacks.”

“Awh…”

Law sighed and handed the polar bear mink some crackers.

Sanji blinked blankly as he ended up watching the Baratie start to shrink from his view. Parts of him still not understanding how he’d ended up on a ship heading away from the place he called home for so long.

“Keep your feet dry, you welp!” Zeff called out from his office 

And Sanji burst into tears. 

“Now who’s weaker than an onion?” Zoro grumbled from his spot against the staircase. 

“Shanks, you rat !” 

Shanks grumbled and got out of his hammock, glaring at the interruption before smiling widely. “Oh hey Mihawk! Want more paint for your blade?” 

“For the last time I don’t pain-” Mihawk calmed down with a huff and regained his poker-face. “You never told me Oden was still in Wano.” 

Shanks’ eyes widened. “...He died like- eighteen years ago man, you alright?” 

“Then why is there a giant oni woman screaming about becoming him?” Mihawk argued. “You never told me East Blue had someone like that in it.” 

Shanks laughed a little. “A giant horny woman, Gaban-san would love that…” then the red-haired Captain paused and stared back at Mihawk. “...what were you doing in East Blue anyway?” 

Mihawk shrugged.

“Oh my god, you’re the worst!” Shanks cackled, sitting back down into his hammock, the rest of his crew roaring with laughter. “I wonder how he is…”

“If you’re talking about the kid with your hat, he’s fine. He was with the Oni from Wano,” Mihawk relayed, taking a seat on a log.

Shanks dropped the bottle he was about to offer Mihawk.

“...oh, I gotta tell them about this!”

Nami sighed. 

For once in a long while, Zoro wasn’t on the helm and she was thankful for that. 

The last thing she needed was another brush with the impossible. Now she was going to take her time, stretch out her legs and enjoy the sun as she read the news. 

She was on the upper deck, the wind licking her face as they passed through the tangerine trees she was smart enough to plant before their sudden departure from her island, the nostalgic scent making her chest feel light as she took it all in and slowly opened up the freshly delivered newspaper. 

She stared at the new bounty posters that were stuffed between the pages. 

A blurry image of herself greeted her. 

She stared at it for a long second, her eyes glazing over slowly. 

She started trembling, shakily holding onto the wanted poster of herself, and turned it around a couple of times to make sure it wasn’t a prank. 

“I-it’s real…” 

“What is?” Usopp mumbled, turning away from his tabasco pellet; he promptly dropped it and managed to splatter the sauce all over himself and his eyes as he saw the poster in Nami’s hands. 

“Nami the Fist, 5000 Beri…” She breathed, still in disbelief. Her whisper somehow carrying over Usopp’s screams of pain and getting to Luffy and Yamato’s ears, the dumbass duo rushing to her side.

“Oh, cool! You got your first bounty!” Luffy cheered, running around her like an excited puppy before reaching the newspaper and looking through the pages. “I wonder if I got one too…”

Nami babbled softly and looked up at Yamato’s concerned face, the fear in her face intensifying. 

“I-... Yamato please tell me this isn’t…” 

The older woman looked awkward and didn’t even attempt to lie, scratching her head. “Uhm…” 

“Wait, I didn’t get a bounty!?” Luffy grumbled, tossing the newspaper into the wind. “Laaame…”

Nami grabbed a hold of the man by his shoulders and started shaking him. “This isn’t a game Luffy!! The Marines are after me!” 

“ And ? We are pirates?” Luffy questioned, turning his head, “I thought you knew what was gonna happen when you started beating those marines back in your town?” 

Nami looked down in horror, “Oh god… I wasn’t thinking…” 

“I heard a woman in distress!” Sanji exclaimed, pirouetting into the scene. “Nami-swan, how may I help you?~” he purred, getting on one knee and bowing. 

Nami looked close to bursting into tears, looking down to her wanted poster. “I… It’s not even my good angle!” she cried out, pointing at the blurry image of herself. 

Clearly one of the marines in Conomi had taken the picture as she was assaulting another marine, her fist cocked back with her victim begging for his life in her other hand. 

She didn’t even remember seeing the camera. 

“I can fix this!” Sanji announced. “We just need another picture of you that the news agencies would prefer!” 

“And how would we get that to the News agency?” Usopp wheezed, bloodshot eyes still tearing up from the hot sauce, making him look slightly demented. 

“Shut up Usopp, I’m trying to get pictures of Nami-swan stepping on me!” Sanji growled, a little too loud for everyone involved. 

Nami decided to punch him for the effort and sobbed. “I can’t be wanted! I’m too cute!” 

“You really are, Nami-swaaaan!” Sanji cheered before crumbling onto the ground with a wheeze, the bump he received too much for him to handle. 

“What are you morons yelling about?” Zoro grumbled, getting back up to the deck too, scratching at his bandages. “I’m trying to sleep…” His eyes landed on the crumbled form of Sanji, and he let out a loud snort, “Serves you right, dartbrow!”

“Shu-shut up, Marimo…” 

As the two started approaching each other with intent to scuffle, and Usopp started panicking about Zoro re-opening his wounds, Yamato silenced everyone with a simple statement. 

“I got an idea…”

Smoker shuddered, the rocks he was balancing falling to the wayside. Felt like someone walked over my grave…

“Captain Smoker!” 

He got to his feet, tossing his jacket over his shoulders with a gruff sigh, and looked back at the crewman who’d approached him. “Yes…?”

“New bounties are in!” The officer relayed, holding up a poster, “Nami the Fist, 5000 Beri!” 

The captain of the LogueTown Marine branch didn’t know where to start with the issues he had with that statement. “Why did you bother me with that bounty when it’s so low?” he breathed, smoke hissing through his teeth as he ran a hand through his hair, “Besides, what's with that Moniker, what is she, Female Garp?” 

“I think she’s too cute to be a female Garp…”

Smoker shot his subordinate an unimpressed look. “Whatever. I’m sure she wouldn’t cause us any issues.” 

“Smoker-san,” Tashigi hummed gently, worry mixed into her strained voice, “do you know how this happened?” 

Smoker looked at the platform Roger was executed on, a rubber man screaming about becoming the next pirate king. “...well, at least it isn’t her.”

“What are you talking about?” Tashigi questioned, making the Marine captain’s eyebrow twitch with irritation.

“Doesn’t matter!” Smoker grumbled, rising to his feet. “We’ll handle these-”

“There you are!” 

Smoker and Tashigi turned in panic to see a giant woman towering over them both. “Smokey!”

Smoker blinked at the giant, “Do I know you…?” 

That’s when, for the first time in ages, he was grabbed by the back of his coat and lifted off the ground like a cat, even his Logia powers failing him. “...what in the world?!” 

“Luffy! Get over here!” 

Dragon watched from a distance, “...the winds of change are wild today…”

“Who are you talking to?” Sabo mumbled, looking around.

Smoker did not understand what was happening. 

One moment, he was about to guide a strike force against the Straw-hatted hooligan on the execution platform; the next, he was in what amounted to a bar fight with the man, both eyeing each other down surrounded by a circle of onlookers.  

“Look!” the giant woman cheered from the sidelines, extending her hand out and causing it to get coated with something black and shiny, “This is how you use Armament Haki, Luffy! Smokey is a Logia, so you can’t hit him without it!” 

Smoker’s eyes bulged. Haki!? He’d heard about that in training, but never had seen it as he was stationed in East Blue of all places. The Marines saw Haki training for his location as a waste of money and manpower, since no one in the East could hope to wield it. 

At least, that’s what they had thought.

Luffy blinked and hummed, looking at his own fist with a raised eyebrow “...ok, but how do I do that?” 

The oni woman blinked, “...you just do it?” 

Someone slapped their face, and Smoker turned to see Nami the Fist in the crowd watching him 

“It’s you! These two are from your crew!” 

Nami shook her hands defensively “No! No, no! He’s my captain!” 

“That's what they all say!” Smoker roared attempting to attack the orange-haired pirate with his jitte, only ending up disarmed when a rubberised hand smashed into the one holding his weapon. His grip broken, the weapon fell into enemy control as another attack stretched his way, the fist passing through his chest without any impact. Smoker growled and faced the other pirate. “Straw-hat…”

Luffy grumbled and tossed the jitte to the side, scratching his head. “...woah he’s a freak, I really can’t punch him…”

“I told you, you need Haki for that!” the Oni-woman cheered from the side. “Just calm down and do it!” 

“You didn’t say how, Yamato!” Nami screamed back, “How is he supposed to do that?! Are you not telling him ‘cause it would be a spoiler?” 

“I- yes exactly!” Yamato answered back,“Totally not ‘cause I was born with Haki!” 

What the fuck are these morons yapping about… Smoker glared at the two, then shifted to the rest of the crowd, his eyes twitching as he saw people starting to put bets on who would win between him and the Straw Hat. 

Including the Buggy Pirates and his own Marines. 

“This has gone on for long enou!-”

“I think I got it!” 

Smoker’s gaze shifted to Luffy incredulously, “ What ?”

He watched in horror as the Rubberman’s fist turned black. 

They both looked at the fist before Smoker slowly looked up to Luffy’s face, the pirate looking back at him with a dangerous smile. 

Smoker heard a camera click, and then felt his insides rattle as a rubberized fist sent him crashing back into a house, his body only turning to smoke on the impact with the concrete and coalescing back on the ground as he coughed up some blood. 

“The fuck…” he breathed before the dark overtook him and he passed out.