Archive of Our Own

It was a simple prayer from the start, after all

Admiration gradually disappearing

Now, as the curtain is rising

We'll leave this quiet meeting place and bid farewell

Ena woke up.

She didn’t want to wake up but she had to. She was awake, just on the boundary of the grass where the snow, cold and death had yet to touch.

She was warm, yet so cold. Her breath formed in the air, a wondrous mist as her hands shook. Violently.

She didn’t want to be here, she wanted to be inside. Back in the village safe and secure with Mizuki and the others, but no, she was out here. Face pressed into the dirt, dying of hypothermia because someone had ran off. Alone.

She wanted to kill them.

She equally wanted to kiss them.

Ena huffed, brushing off the snow flakes on her body, the dirt that adored her clothes. She had thought she was prepared enough, wrapped herself all warm, took a lantern with her to guide her way with a staff should she need to traverse great lengths.

Ena dusted her hair, the snow was caught in the long locks. She needed to ask Mizuki to cut it for her again, but once more, they were missing and Ena was having to search for them.

She growled lowly, kicked the rocks near her feet and let them splatter against a tree. The weaker and fragile ones crumbling against the tree

She needed to quit, recuperate and start again, the cold was biting at her fingers. Bitter enough to almost slice her finger off whilst she could barely move her cheeks and toes.

She was going to die.

But... if she quit. She would die because she abandoned Mizuki for her own selfish gains, she would’ve left her partner, her everything, her Amia alone because she was weak.

No.

Ena could not quit.

She straightened her back, plunged the staff deeper into the ground and walked forward, over the dirt that stained her shoes into the plunging snow as she continued onwards.

No one loved a quitter.

No one at all.

#

There were many times in Shinonome Akito’s lives where he thought he could be capable of murder. When he believed he could kill someone, wrap his hand around someone’s neck and wring the life out of them. Yet, in this moment, Akito had never supressed the urge to kill someone this much.

And that someone was his own sister. His beloved, caring, kind, wonderful bitch of a sister.

“Shinonome-“ Kohane stated her voice soft and fragile as she checked Ena’s pulse, looking directly at him. Looking at the frost that coated his ginger locks.

His jaw tensed, Kohane wasn’t his first choice in partner, but Toya had agreed to help Nene at the library and An was stressed out over something. She wasn’t clear what it was about exactly so Akito let her be, he didn’t want to stress her more. Which left Kohane or he made... friends with people... it was easier to convince Kohane to help him than fake a smile for a long period of time.

She bit on her lip, “She’s alive... barely. Come on, we need to go.” She encouraged getting off her knees and taking Ena’s supplies, rushed and pathetic into her arms as he attempted to carry her. Snapping out of his daze at what seemed to be a lifeless body.

He wanted to trust Kohane.

But why did she seem so cold?

#

Shinonome Ena was alive, unfortunately. She was warm though, wrapped in blankets upon blankets and near a roaring fire as she felt a weight on her lap. If she were more naive, her heart would’ve leapt out of her chest and assumed it was Mizuki. Assumed they had found each other and they had saved her, like she had with them. But, alas, she could tell by the weight it wasn’t them. Even when they knocked out, they were only lucid enough to not press too hard and cause Ena any discomfort.

This guest had no such manners.

“Oh, you’re awake,” he grumbled as Ena tried to readjust herself, ‘accidentally’ waking Akito up.

“Unfortunately. Now get your head off my lap and tell me where my lamp and warm clothes are or-“

“You are not to do anything. Doctors orders.”

She raised a brow at this as she tried to examine his face, “Doctors?”

“Mafuyu’s then.”

Ena scoffed and rolled her eyes, “Like Mafuyu would stop me.” She sat up, slowly, before placing both feet on the ground that seemed to move beneath her. She kept herself strong though as she stood up, with a bit of a struggle to keep herself up right.

Akito huffed as he grasped her by the arm, in an attempt to shove her down, but her back on the bed. Let her get warm and be okay, but Ena refused. She always would.

She used him as a spring board, bouncing up as her arms ached, her body and mind killed but she needed to stay strong and be strong.

She shoved him, lightly, forcing him to stumble. Even if only a little as she traversed the small room and picked up her boots and clothes.

“Ena-“

“No, you cannot stop me Akito. We aren’t talking about this being Kanade or Airi going missing, this is my partner so if you ask me to quit now, I will personally make sure there is nothing left of you for anyone to mourn properly.”

“Violence? How noble.” He laughed sourly, “But of course it is. When have you ever had a nice conversation with me in your life, when has Shinonome Ena ever been selfless and not cared about herself? When?”

“Now, because right now I want to slap you to hell and back qnd damn the consequences, but I’m not because it would hurt you. See? I can be selfless you narcissist.”

“Big word for you.”

“Narcissist? How plain and bland and empty is your vocabulary?” she hissed as she jammed her foot into her boots. They were still cold and wet from the melted snow.

That was fine.

Everything was fine.

“You’re going to be the death of me,” Akito huffed as he grabbed his own cloak and threw it over himself. “So will Akiyama.”

“What do you think you’re doing?”

“Coming with you, as much as I dislike you, as much as you loathe me. You’re weak. You’ll die out there. You’re lucky Kohane knows basic medicine.”

She scrunched her nose and glared at him viciously as she walked around fhe small box. Sitting before the fire, her feet so close to the spitting flames, trying to remove the last of the moisture as Akito dashed around getting the last pieces of her clothes.

“But, if Mafuyu catches us, I’m letting you get killed,” he reminded.

Ena’s mouth turned up into a smile, “I would love for someone to kill me. But Mafuyu could not hurt me.”

#

There were many times in Ena’s life where she was wrong.

One time was when they were kids, all of them, and the village festival was just beginning. Akito had stayed behind whilst she had went ahead and had gotten lost. Only managing to get home because Tenma Tsukasa took pity on her as she tried to seem brave. Akito had never let her live down her lack of a sense of direction.

Another time, was when she first met Mizuki.

They lived on the outskirts of the village, far away from everyone, the closest people to them were Kusanagi Nene and Kamishiro Rui. The outcasts.

This meant Ena had barely crossed their paths hefore, had never seen them. She’d heard they were good on the eyes, but she could never verify it due to their recluse nature.

One day, and she couldn’t even up until this day tell you the reason why, she was drawing towards the outskirts of the city. Sat on the grass, it seemed sober and filled the loneliness and validation in her heart as someone walked behind her and looked at her book. Humming.

“What do you want?” she hissed as they took a seat next to her, their obnoxious hair getting in the way of their view. Breaking through the grey she had surrounded herself in, making her see colour, even if it was only one. They had broken through the bland haze of everything being monochromatic.

“Nothing,” they murmured as they sat next to her. Smiling slightly. “I like your art, its really good.”

Ena laughed, hollowly. “You’d be the first,” she tried to whisper. It usually worked in that low tone but a frown settled on Mizuki’s face.

“Then everyone else is blind,” they continued, determination alight in their pretty pink eyes. “Your art is wonderful just... sometimes it lacks warmth. Maybe that’s why people don’t like it.”

“What do you mean by it lacks-“ she snapped jumping to her feet as Mizuki followed her.

They were taller than her, by a lot. They nearly towered over her. She froze as Mizuki smiled, a soft delicate smile, one of shyness and hesitation.

“May I take a closer look?”

Ena sighed as she passed the book to them, she didn’t know why she felt compelled to do so. She just knew she did, she couldn’t refuse them. Not with that shy smile and pretty face that looked so wonderful when they concentrated on something as they carefully, ran their hand over the sketches.

“They’re wonderful truly...” they started hesitating slightly.

Ena hated that.

“If they’re ‘wonderful truly’, why are you hesitating? I don’t like hesitation on feedback on my work.”

That was a lie, but she needed to seem brave. Confident and not act as if she craved validation, as if she needed the appraisal to live. That was her oxygen.

“They’re lifeless at times, some of them are bright and you can see that there’s life and passion in them. At other times they seem dead, as if your mind has switched off and you’re repeating the steps like a marionette. Maybe that’s why they’re so similar when they’re dead?” they wondered aloud, speaking slowly to avoid upsetting her.

Ena blinked, then she blinked again.

She was going to ignore the statement about the similarity, everything. She instead, for once, focused on the tonality and how perceptive they were. It was absolutely infuriating, she hated how they knew everything about her yet this was her first conversation with Akiyama Mizuki, heck, even about them. Yet, they knew her better than her brother or Shizuku or anyone else. They knew her.

“I don’t know what you’re saying,” she huffed indignantly.

Mizuki laughed, “Of course you don’t...”

“Ena. Shinonome Ena.”

“Akiyama Mizuki,” they replied. Ena wanted to yell that everyone knew of them, that their hair was a give a way from the start but she refrained herself as rhey looked at her art. “You could use highlights with this.”

“Highlights?” Mizuki nodded.

“This is paper right? I have just the thing in my home for it.”

“But why does it need them?”

“To add life to your designs, I get sometimes you don’t feel alive but, you art is wonderful and everyone needs to get it. Not just... me.”

Ena frowned as she let Mizuki wrap their hands around hers and guide her.

That was another time Shinonome Ena was wrong; Mizuki was nothing like she had heard. Mizuki never disrespected her art. Mizuki was sincere, one of the only few. And from that day, Ena fell in love.

-

The most recent time was now, looking directly at Mafuyu who angrily tapped her feet and adjusted her own cloak staring at both her and Akito.

For someone usually so cold and stoic, she was certainly enraged as Kanade joined them in the centre. “If the cold doesn’t kill you, I will Ena.”

Ena rolled her eyes, the cold biting her skin. She knew Mafuyu wasn’t right and she wasn’t read physically, but emotionally, she had to handle it.

Why couldn’t she understand?

“Really, because it would be an embarrassment cor your family if their precious doctor of a daughter killed someone.”

“At least my family are proud of me right now.” Flippant. There was no weight behind the words, giving them a weight because of what she said. So easily.

“Your mother ruined you. You’re cursed.”

“At least I’m not dating someone who runs away at-“

“Open your mouth about Mizuki again and I’ll kill you, trust me on this,” Ena snarled nearly scratching Mafuyu like she did with Akito when he pissed her off. “Now, if you don’t move. I will carry out my threat-“

“You’re so honourable Ena. Fine. Get yourself killed, I don’t care, less of a burden for me to deal with,” Mafuyu stated as she spun around. Kanade following lost at a distance.

And Ena nearly crumbled from guilt, but she couldn’t. So she steadied herself, using her staff and sighed.

Mizuki.

She had to find them. She couldn’t quit, so Ena continued, Akito trailing behind as she tried to find Mizuki.

#

They were lost and cold. Extremely lost and cold. Ena was shivering, her teeth chattering erratically as she walked further into the realm of white.

Akito followed. Grumbling every so often because he was hoping she’d give up, turn around, let them sulk and mope but Ena wouldn’t. No. She couldn’t.

They never let her suffer alone and she was always selfish and jealous, it was her worse trait. So she needed them there, by her side. With her. She needed to know they were safe and not without a lamp in the ice cold snow.

Was it too much to ask for?

God seemed to think so. Every seemed to agree with him.

But Ena was asking for the bare minimum, if she was greedy she’d ask for her and Mizuki to be rich, happy, successful and together. That was over the bare minimum.

Ena sighed, rolled her shoulders and pressed her staff into the ground harder, holding her cloak.

She’d make it.

Mizuki blinked as they sat unwavering, unmoving facing the fire they had constructed with some relatively dry pieces of wood, managing to set it alight through sheer will as they twisted the sticks together to create friction to create a fire.

They succeeded, hence why they hadn’t died yet as they sat in the cave avoiding the storm brewing outside, the cold that could kill them.

But not as much as this fear and broken heart could.

No never that much.

So they sat there and watched as the fire dwindled all alone, if it was destiny. They would die, like everyone else would inevitably.

If it was meant to be.

It would be.

Things I was about to say disappeared one after another

This uneasy feeling is weighing on me

I forced down my heart's desires that I wanted to follow so I wouldn't spit them out.

They built up inside my chest, like dregs, and clouded me.

Shinonome Ena was dreaming. She was dreaming of a time when she was lost in the haze of being in love with Mizuki, of their first date.

She knew, in the back of her mind, she had always loved them. She had no doubt about that after their first meeting, even if she wanted to deny it and pretend she was cold hearted. Mizuki would always melt her heart, every single time.

They had planned the date because Ena didn’t know what to do. When they’d mentioned it one evening when Ena was getting a dress altered and her mind went blank. She had no clue what she was to do or so. She sputtered, so unlike her, as Mizuki laughed beside her. Their hands shaking from the laughter as they sewed her dress.

She agreed to it though, as Mizuki pressed their head into their back, their laughter dying down to a bubbling broth. Not an eruption as there had been before.

They were perfect.

“Come on Enanan~~” they encouraged, holding her hand carefully. Almost as if they were afraid to break her hands, like she were fragile.

Ena could recall that day with full clarity, she remembered how Airi and her had visited Shizuku earlier in the week and received a new perfume. She could remember the vanilla scent, the hints of rose in the liquid. It was only a subtle tone but Mizuki picked it up right away.

She could smell the citrus scent that clung to them and the hints of ginger surrounding them. Later, Ena would realise it was because they baked her a ginger treat as they couldn’t make cheesecake or pancakes. Hell, they hadn’t even heard of them, so that was out of the question but her heart swelled at the thought.

It was perfect.

Too perfect.

If she had the time, Ena would allow her dream self to slink into the grass and be done with it. But she didn’t and as soon as the dream got good, as soon as her heart swelled, the lightness of the dream was disrupted with the darkness of the cave her and Akito was in. The lightness and warmth she felt left her leaving her cold although there was a fire nearby, Akito had made sure of that.

She sat up, slowly, hesitantly. She didn’t want to get up, she wanted to stay there forever. Maybe sleep again and get lost in Mizuki’s embrace, their scent, their happiness and their love.

She wanted to cry.

She could feel herself close to crying, close to sobbing in front of Akito in a cave with a dying lamp and a stick.

She was glad Mizuki was good at creating clothes, this cloak offered more warmth than what Akito was wearing if how close he was to the fire was any clue.

She ought to help him.

“Hey,” she began, her voice raspy as she pulled her cloak off and draped it over his shoulders. Resting her head on his shoulder near the fire. He froze and looked to her as she sat there, still. Unmoving.

“Ena...”

“You needed it, I’ll be taking it back when we next make our move but right now, you need it.”

“Our next move? Ena, there’s a blizzard outside and we have no clue where Mizuki went. And you still want to explore?”

“If Toya disappeared, got upset and walked away wifh no lamp, would you stay at home or would you run?”

He didn’t offer a reply.

“You have your answer, as much as you can judge me and hate me, never tell me to give up on my partner.”

“Why do you love them so much? You don’t even love me!”

She blinked, “I don’t? I’d say giving you my cloak because you were two seconds from dying is love enough Akito.”

He huffed and waved his hand as she pouted angrily staring at the roaring fire. The heat keeping the cold weather at bay, but not the coldness in her heart.

#

Unlike Akito, Ena hadn’t been able to fall asleep. Listening through the wind for a shout, a cry, or just Mizuki’s obnoxious voice. Just a sign they were there. So far there was nothing.

Absolutely nothing but the roaring wind and-

“Mizuki!” someone yelled, a female.

Ena stood up, careful not to wake Akito as she came closer to the cave. She could’ve been dreaming it, her life had been a haze. She didn’t know how much time had passed or how little time had passed. She just knew it had.

It was pointless to reiterate in her head how Mizuki was still out there and she was pathetic little Ena focused in her own world of self doubt and pity. But, her brain still did it because when Ena was happy she would never be as determined. She would grow lax and want to quit and she couldn’t, she could never quit. Nor could she forgive herself for letting Mizuki walk away, for not trying hard enough to-

“You were right Rui,” the girl stated, turning back to Rui. “There was someone in this cave. Oh Ena! I’m glad to have crossed paths with you.”

“Likewise An,” Ena replied evenly, walking further into the cave causing the other two to follow.

They were soaked from the snow and cold, from where Ena stood she was freezing. Two minutes from death, she couldn’t imagine being them and unable to find cover.

They were lucky.

Ena let them take their space as she sat far away from them, letting them embrace the warmth of the flames as she gritted her teeth.

They wouldn’t be able to venture out in that. They’d die. It was pointless and pathetic but Ena couldn’t bring herself to quit, she loved them too much.

She didn’t tell them that often enough actually.

“How are you Ena?” Rui asked.

They weren’t close by any means, they did attend class together at one point but like Mizuki, he was out casted. In all honesty, Ena couldn’t pretend she didn’t know why or that it didn’t make sense, because she could see why but he wasn’t that bad. He made Mizuki happy as they shared their solitude together and their pain. That was all Ena cared about.

“Exhausted,” she replied, honestly as she turned to face him. “Utterly exhausted.”

“When are you not?”

“In regards to Mizuki? Never. Day to day life, yes, but for them never. They may be a repetitive tease, yet I could never tire of them even if I tried.”

Rui paused, “I wasn’t referencing that Ena. No one ever sees you bar Asahina, Yoisake and, of course, Mizuki.”

“I’m not tired. I just, have art to create. Besides, I do like to stay with Mizuki more often than not.”

Rui laughed, it was soft and light. So unlike the cold weather nearby.

“Thank you.” He stated.

Ena paused, blinked and looked away from Akito and An who were huddled together, talking and teasing one another. Good friends.

She faced Rui who seemed resigned. Upset.

“For what?”

“For loving them. For being there when I couldn’t. When they needed me the most, I wasn’t there. But you were,” Rui explained.

“Me?”

“Yes, you. Ena, I’ve never seen someone make them happy and it wasn’t just because misery had to keep them company. Because misery loves company-“

“But not for them.”

“Not all the time. If misery didn’t love company, they wouldn’t be my friend. Friends in solitude.”

“Then why did they run Rui?”

Rui bit his lip. And Ena huffed, she felt tears brewing, the urge to cry but she didn’t.

She couldn’t.

#

Mafuyu was panicked. For once in her life she didn’t know what to do or who to go to. Her mother would shake her head and be disappointed and then enraged because she has made friends she didn’t approve of. So there was no help there.

Kanade was useless because Mafuyu needed help because of her, she didn’t want to crush her ideals.

Kanade was off in space. A lot. Mafuyu and Mizuki had discussed this once before, she didn’t remember it clearly, but she remembered the conversation enough.

Kanade looked at the world through a mask, her view was tinted. Especially with Mizuki. She ignored their blaring red flags, their issues and problems. She would rather pretend they were normal, that they were a okay, they were fine and it was only her, Ena and Mafuyu who were messed up. Mizuki was their guidance and carer. A friend who wasn’t as messed up as them and was okay but they weren’t.

Everyone knew it but Kanade and now it would all come true.

Mafuyu knew it because Ena was a fool in love and chased after them blinding, Akito following close behind, then Mizuki other friends ran off following them. And now Mafuyu was alone trying to act like everything was okay, when everything certainly wasn’t.

She needed to do something... she needed to-

Ah.

“Yuki,” Kanade breathed. Her hair was tussled and messed up, her cheeks rosy and her breath laboured. She had clearly ran, even though she shouldn’t have. Kanade did not have enough physical fitness to run like the rest of them. Sometimes, when they went on excursions outside to get inspiration, Kanade would have to stay behind because she couldn’t do it.

Mafuyu was growing more frustrated.

“K,” she returned coolly, glancing off to the distance.

She was annoyed and worried about the two of them and the other fools who ran off into the snow, their footprints hidden by the next lot of snow that fell down. She hated that feeling. Desperately.

But she ignored it and, softly, draped her hands over Kanade’s shoulder, and took her away from the outside.

Where, if Mafuyu was more rational leading to good observation, she would’ve noticed a pink ribbon stuck in a tree. Ripped apart.

Torn.

A broken ribbon.

#

Mizuki didn’t know how long they were outside by this point.

It was too long.

Where they were, the blizzard had calmed down as it raged on where Ena and the others were seeking shelter.

They were hungry.

Only slightly.

It was a soft pain though.

So they didn’t rush to leave and find food.

Pain only made them stronger after all.

I can't even bear to the accept the things I want to come to terms with

I'm holding onto something that's too much for me to handle.

My hazy voice burns my parched throat to a crisp,

I didn't know what I was supposed to say

Ena was trapped in a nightmare. A haunting daydream that suffocated her. Made her throat dry as she yearned to scream, as she tossed her head on Rui’s lap.

She wanted out.

She needed out.

But she couldn’t because they were killing her and trapping her.

-

Ena couldn’t remember the last time she had laid down, head on Mizuki’s lap looking at the sky. She hated looking at the sky. It was too big, it made her too exposed. She loved a narrow scope because when everything was narrow, she could breathe easily.

She didn’t have to carry the weight of the world on her shoulders. She was free from everything when everything was close minded.

Mizuki tutted and laughed above her. “Really Enanan? Art is all about expanding your horizons, I hear that across the globe they’re discussing how illness spreads. They’re wrong according to Mafuyu, making it related to their God instead of just a natural thing that we can prevent through science.”

Ena rolled her eyes, “Science? That’s a big word isn’t it?”

They slapped her lightly as she looked up at the moon shining on their face.

She grasped their hands as they began to fiddle with the wild flowers in the ground, plucking them and twisting them around and around.

Beautiful.

“Marry me,” Ena breathed. Impulsively. She couldn’t help it, she had to let the words flow out. She needed to profess her love to them, she was bad at that.

They told her they loved her in many ways, the way they avoided hesitating in regards to her art. They weren’t needlessly cruel, but they didn’t baby her either. They were them and they thoroughly enjoted her art and loved it, they only wanted to see her art become better so she herself became better. They were connected art and her.

They also showed it in the outfits they created, the soft, ghost like caresses that touched her skin when they fitted an outfit or, even when they were in moments of weakness like this. They treated her like she was the most precious gem in a collection, their own personal collection. Their own riches.

Mizuki continued to show their devotion in their ideas, the way whenever Ena would off handily mention she needed a flower or something as a reference. Mizuki would retrieve it.

But Ena hadn’t done any of that.

Ena had accepted it all but struggled to return the love. This way was perfect for her, unplanned and irrational. Everything she was at her core though she lied and denied it.

She pressed a soft kiss at their hand as they froze in place. “Marry you? Ena, it’s illegal-“

“Since when have you cared about the rules?”

“Since you wanted to break them with me because I can’t let you do that.”

“Who are you to stop me?”

“Your partner.”

Ena laughed, truly. “It goes both ways, as your girlfriend, I will do whatever I want to profess my love for you. My eternal, undying love.”

Now it was their time to laugh.

It was a bitter thing unlike their giggles and laughter that rang and could make birds jealous from how melodious it was.

Something twisted in Ena’s gut as they looked at the moon, away from her face.

“How can you love me forever? Why are you lying to me?”

Lying? Ena was many things but she was not a liar. She huffed indignantly.

“I will love you everyday so long as the sun rises in the east and sets in the west. I will love you so much that instead of tales of the sun and moon being lovers, they will talk about us. I will never stop loving you, if I stop loving you, I will assume fate has gotten so tired of us it split us up and even then, I will find you and fall in love with you again and again,” she rushed. She took a deep breath, “and, by marriage we don’t have to have a chapel wedding like everyone else. It can just be use professing our love to one another.”

They snorted.

“And we exchange?”

“Vows?”

Mizuki laughed, tipping their head back. “I meant like rings.”

Ena hummed deeply. “We’ll figure it out later. Just... right now I want to stay here with you. Just promise me, you’ll consider marriage.”

They hummed and offered no reply as they ran their fingers across her face and hair.

Giving no reply.

#

She screamed.

Loudly.

She sat up, butting her head into Rui as she tried to get her bearings. Her heart hammering, sweat pouring down her body. She ignored his groans of pains as she tried to stand up and move.

She could barely stand, she was hunched and fumbling as she ran outside and fell in the snow. Her hands burning from the snow and the cold as tears began to fall, freezing up slightly in the harsh weather.

But Ena didn’t care.

She was unable to express in words how little she cared at this point. All she wanted to do was sob and break and finally, she was sobbing and breaking. The cold and repercussions were an afterthought so long as she could cry and break finally.

God she missed them so badly.

She hated the fact she loved them in this moment.

She couldn’t cherish the good because they were all soured with their disappearance and how they never believed her when she looked back.

It hurt.

She felt as if someone had stabbed her through the heart and left her for dead, her blood pooling around her.

And maybe they did.

She barely felt someone trying to drag her away as her hands fisted the snow and it got too much to bear.

Shinonome Ena was done and dying.

#

Tsukasa had joined the band of Mizuki’s friends, so did Kohane.

She knew of them, who could ignore the promising theatre star Tenma Tsukasa with his loud voice that rang across the village, much less boomed in this cave. Her head wanted to split wide open, but he wasn’t too bad if he was Mizuki’s friend....

But.

He was Rui’s friend and that was enough foreboding that made Ena’s gut twist in fear.

Now Kohane, she had met a couple of times. She was a sweet and kind girl, too good to be Akito’s friend admittedly. She was very timid though, how she had survived this long with An was a shock. But that was love she supposed.

Not everyone had a partner who cared for them so much but never allowed anyone to repay them in time.

A pity.

Everyone seemed close. They seemed happy.

How could they be happy? Ena had nearly died, for the second? Third? Time this trip and Mizuki was still missing. And they were happy.

It wasn’t fair.

It really wasn’t. Especially when her whole world was becoming grey again.

Grey.

It hadn’t been grey in a long time.

Not since them.

They pulled her out from the darkness, that weird feeling no one understood when she said it. The feeling that made people accuse her of being a witch, being a sinner, a curse from the devil on her family. Maybe they were right with how talentless and pitiful she was- but Mizuki never thought that.

No.

They understood how everything bright felt wrong  how colour was off. How when everything wasn’t dull the urge to scream and cry and die all at once because it wasn’t right. To everyone else it was, but the world was always right to everyone else. Everything was just and fair and perfect.

That wasn’t Shinonome Ena’s world. Not in the slightest.

Her was grey and more grey and shockingly enough, more grey. All of different hues and ranges. Most were light greys. Soft greys, the ones often seen when attempting to dye white fabric but only lightly. The grey of clouds rolling over head that were filled with a little rain but not too much to soak you through and to the bone. She very rarely saw a darker grey.

But this time she did, as her heart thumped uselessly and ached she did. The throbbing ebbing away as everything became darker and emptier.

There was no colour left.

There was no hope anymore.

#

Mafuyu traced Kanade’s face as she forced the girl into bed, she was excited over some composition early in her attempt to save Mafuyu.

Pitiful.

Mafuyu hadn’t listened to much, nodding along enough that Kanade failed to grow worried as she paid no real attention to anything. Her mind far-off in the snow with nothing around. With no one to hear. With no witnesses.

Mafuyu was always a failure.

She couldn’t stop Ena, her emotions getting the better of her. Emotions she shouldn’t have, yet she did undoing her mother’s hard work. Her mother’s dedication and love for her in one swoop, proving she was not a puppet show Emu put on for the children. Instead she was human unfortunately.

She also had failed to reach out to Mizuki earlier too.

There was a lot she hadn’t done but she could do. She could try to... fix, to do something good and right. Even if she would get her mother’s wrath, it would ease the guilt in her chest if she left.

She picked up Kanade’s blanket, praying to God Honami would arrive as Kanade awoke as she threw her cloak on. Grasping a lantern and attempting to find Mizuki.

Alone in the cold.

The staff of guidance.

#

The pain grew stronger, the world grew darker and everything was hollow and dead.

If Mizuki were in contact with Ena and vice versa, they would be called ‘soulmates’. Where Ena’s view of the world was light greys, theirs were darker tones. Harsher. Like slate and rocks.

Where Ena’s was unnaturally smooth, theirs was jagged and harmful. Any small rock was clear to see, they seemed to be a different colour, purposefully highlighted in their mind for a future use. Whatever that may be. Whether that was to aid in bringing them peace or to keep the dying fire alight or to kill whatever animal wandered in the snow.

Whatever it was. It stood out to them. Clear as daylight.

They laughed hollowly, their chest hurting, their stomach aching and throat drying.

They were dying.

But they didn’t want to, well they did but it was complicated. They wanted to die, they surely did, they had been thinking of dying for forever. They would love it, but this time, something felt... off.

It was as if something was keeping them grounded. A chain that yanked them to earth and kept them alive.

A chain they could only imagine to be Ena.

Their Ena.

The Ena who looked at them as if the whole world was in her grasp, the Ena who was stubborn and stupid and daring. The Ena who focused on everyone else, she forgot who she was and what she wanted. The Ena who forgot how talented and loving she was and could’ve been.

That was their chain to earth and they hated it.

They needed to sever the chain, but they couldn’t because then they would surely die and, deep down, they weren’t ready to die yet.

What I was feeling was set free far away

The same but different, somehow different

I didn't know how long to go for, or how far we can go—

If you're not sure, then what are you thinking?

Shinonome Akito was very familiar with Ena’s temper and her simmering sadness. That lost look in her eyes that plagued her mind every once in a while.

He was familiar with how and why it would appear and disappear at times. How the light in her eyes would come and go but most often stay. It was a battle of two extremes.

However, he had never seen the pure brown in a long time. There was always a small light there as if she had something to live for. It was only small admittedly, but she had something to live for regardless, but this time it seemed like there was nothing out there for her.

She was stranded and all alone.

He frowned, visibly enough for An to quirk her brow as she looked at him, distracting herself from her conversation from An. He didn’t want her to be worried, not in the slightest, he needed to seem strong after they all processed her screams.

He was used to them actually, he was used to her screams next to his head, through the thin walls as their parents argued below. He wasn’t concerned or shocked like them, he was neutral.

Besides if he tried to care for her, she would snap and become angry, lash out at him and scratch his arms up, sometimes his face when tears lined her eyes and she couldn’t see anything. She was violent and vicious when upset.

Rarely brooding though.

She was rarely this quiet.

He frowned more visibly causing Tsukasa and Rui to stop discussing what they were and face him. He hated that. He hated Tsukasa ordinarily, he was loud and obnoxious, but stuck in a cold cave having to worry about Mizuki and Ena with Tsukasa looking at him carefully irritated him.

He had to really layer the charming persona he donned when encountering new people. He had to smother himself up as Ena disassociated with the world. Be the charming brother he was, the charming person everyone loved and knew.

He had a facade to keep up.

#

Ena was staring at nothing, off in space, in her own mind and place. She was reminiscing again, of a time when she was in darkness but she could appreciate and see the colours in the darkness.

Date nights we’re the best nights, the strolls they would take at night, impulsive and reckless as they walked hand in hand away from everyone and everything. Ena resting her head on their shoulders, their pink hair tickling her face.

The stars were beautiful above. They always shined on them, but tonight they were dulled and dimmed. The path ahead of them was hard to walk across, Ena could barely see the path and was relying on Mizuki to guide her.

“Mizuki, you should be asleep by now,” she scolded lightly, burrowing her face into their neck.

“You too,” they retorted as they unattached Ena and stood in front of her. Their pink eyes alight with pure love and admiration as they grasped her hands. It was harsher than normal, where they would often treat her like a princess, a soft touch that it felt like she was dreaming and that they weren’t there. This time, it was a touch that was grounding and made her heart thump loudly, a blush rising on her cheeks. They were really there and really protective and in love with her, she wanted to die in a good way.

“I’m nocturnal, you know this.”

“I do? Why my beloved Ena, you need to sleep. Get your beauty sleep.”

I always get beauty sleep when I’m with you.

“I’m always beautiful, I don’t need it,” she huffed as they led her over logs before allowing them to walk side by side. In tandem. Truly in love, a perfect match.

“That is true, you are the most ethereal person in the world.”

She blushed furiously slapping their back softly as they turned around and cupped her face pressing a soft kiss to her forehead and lips. “My precious little enanan.”

Ena laughed as she leaned up and wrapped her arms around their neck, the stars becoming brighter as she connected their lips. Their bodies instinctively knowing what they wanted, knowing each other perfectly. A perfect jigsaw.

They smiled into the kiss as Ena giggled against their lips.

Perfect.

They were perfect, they were a perfect partner and together she and them were the ideal couple.

“You know,” they whispered against her lips, holding her waist as she began to lower herself back onto her feet properly. “I came to take you to a little valley nearby and tell you a story but I much prefer this.”

Ena laughed. “What was the story Mizuki?” their stories were intriguing, sometimes Mafuyu would take them and give them to Nene and Emu. Nene to tell the village kids and Emu as ideas for her shows.

They looked down at her and kisses the crown of her head, “I’ll tell you later. Some other time. Just. Let me cherish this moment and stay with you fore- for now.”

Ena sighed and stayed close to them, listening to the repetitive and soft beating of their heart. Lulling her to a calm rest as their grip went lax on her.

In moments, Ena would question if they loved her but now, she knew they did. And she hoped they always would.

The darkness in this moment was comforting and caring, it brought out the brightness of their pink eyes and hair. It made her appreciate their subtle beauty, the soft up turn of their lips, the way their eyes danced with love. The darkness was no longer her fear if they could love each other like this. Softly, slowly and irrationally, in the heat of a moment decide to lean up and capture each others lips with no hesitation purpose or reason. To just to do it because it was right.

She appreciated how little the stars shined that night and how warm the darkness felt because she was surrounded by light, Akiyama Mizuki.

#

Mafuyu jammed the staff into the snow, she felt so guilty for hiding this from her mother. It was killing her but she pressed forward. She walked through the snow clutching Mizuki’s torn ribbon tightly.

It was cold, unsurprisingly. But she pressed forward, the cold didn’t bite her. She didn’t feel it, but her body was shivering as though she could.

She continued onwards in the snow, trying to find some shelter, the wind was picking up, the cold biting her ears and knocking her cloak down.

She was very preoccupied that she failed to notice a shivering Kanade leaning on Honami who was adventuring with the rest of the village teenagers.

They were all gone, the village was quiet and empty all on a mission for something yet nothing at the same time. Wasted efforts on finding someone who wanted to disappear but they couldn’t, they were everywhere.

But they were good at it as everyone at one point had walked past where they were staying, because unlike everyone they had went up whilst they had stayed down. Poetic for someone who thought they would be going to hell, who deserved it. Too poetic no one thought to check up, Mafuyu knew them well, they shared their pain all the time. It was mutual discussions of their pain.

Then Ena, well, they knew each other too well. Two moons that matched up, the earth orbiting the sun, the moon orbiting the earth. They were like that, yet, like the moon no one knew Mizuki’s truth their true feelings hidden within. Words they were unable to say and embrace.

Kanade was confused. She would never know where they would go as she pretended they were fine, she bought into their bright persona they lied about.

Everyone else knew there was something wrong with them, they could sense it. But they didn’t know enough on them.

No one did. So, they had all barely missed each other as they attempted to find a light for their dead lamp and some type of food.

Poetic.

#

Ena wanted to sigh, but she couldn’t. Moving hurt too much. Breathing hurt more so she had to conserve the oxygen she breathed. But she wanted to sigh, to groan, to be upset at Mafuyu’s entrance. At the fake smile she donned and her persona, but she couldn’t.

It was as if she was drowning with how weighted everything was, with how little she could continue onwards.

The dragging feeling on her limbs was familiar.

She was drowning again.

Except, this time she embraced it and let it happen as her head lolled.

#

Mizuki sighed as they walked down the mountain and onwards, the wind was chilling. Bone chilling. Their hair was blowing in their face, they had gotten all dressed up for a date with Ena tonight.

Or was it last night?

The time had gotten away from them. They didn’t know if it was still Wednesday, it could’ve been Friday or Thrusday maybe Sunday? Time passed too slowly for them.

Yet whenever they thought about Ena it sped up, but right now one minute felt like a day. It was daunting.

They were such a bad partner.

Here Ena was promising an eternity together and they yearned for it, they absolutely needed it but their heart would stop beating and hesitation sink in. They couldn’t accept it.

So they ran.

They were good at that, lashing out at people and pushing them away and running. It was why Akito wanted to race against them constantly. Someone got too close and they would flinch, adrenaline would be produced and instead of fighting, they took the path of flight.

They sat on the snow as they heard a small whimper, they looked over the snow and grazed against the small white fox. Injured.

They wanted to touch it, pick it up and nurse it to health but they were scared. They always brought pain to those they cared about. They couldn’t do this to this innocent fox, this injured and precious fox that was-

They sighed, their breath forming a fog like layer in their eyes. They were using clouded judgement but they had to help it, it was poor and defenceless and maybe they would hurt it, they likely would they hurt everything they cared for, but maybe they could help it.

They took off their cloak and swaddled the fox, snow lining their cloak. It was more than ruined by this point as the cold reached their shoulders and touched their heart, acting like a coily snake as it squeezed them alive.

They kept the fox close to their chest as they attempted to wander back to their cave, looking for whatever they could find. Picking up a few berries and some meat (deer?) to have something.

In their haste to run, they had only remembered water.

Ironic.

If we are to be separated, if we are to lose our way,

I'll make sure we’ll be connected this time, no matter how many times it takes

If you will stay here with me, if I could just keep you from leaving

You could still be saved by this feeling no one else knows

She was drowning. She knew the feeling, it was the same panic encasing her lungs as her words struggled to break free.

She knew it all to well.

Shinonome Ena was a woman of many fears, one was criticism, her father had made sure of that. Another one was love, but she slowly conquering that fear one day at a time, Mizuki hand in hand as she took tentative steps to safety. That fear was due to become no more. Another one, more peculiar was water. She loathed it after one date, one wonderful date with Mizuki she tripped and fell into a lake, sinking to the bottom as her lungs became inflated with water. Her eyes stinging as she struggled to swim to the surface, to breathe.

There were many times in Ena’s life where she thought she would die.

This was the worse one.

She couldn’t capture the panic well, no one could. She just knew one minute she was up, the next minute she was falling, darkness covering her and her limbs weighted.

But, she knew one thing, the one good thinf from the ordeal. Mizuki would jump after her.

She couldn’t remember much, but she remembered their vanilla perfume next to them and the way they hoisted her out. Not bothering about their clothes or anything else, focusing on her without hesitation.

Because she couldn’t remember much, she failed to remember how much distance they gave her, how their touch became so light it was as if they weren’t touching her at all. How their heart clenched and the way their face was lined with sorrow and guilt.

How bad they felt as they had suggested the trip, how they hadn’t been able to prevent.

All Ena could remember was fear, the dragging weight and their heroism.

If she had remembered more, maybe she would be able to piece together why they ran. But she didn’t so she bolted awake, alone in the cave as the campfire dwindled, more people around her than ever.

#

“Your art is...”

Please say beautiful.

“Horrifying,” the teacher stated, unblinking as they backed away. “It’s all grey.”

Ena cocked her head. That was the problem?

“It’s so cold,” the teacher continued. Looking around at the other art works. “I want you to try again and actually attempt to do something.”

She frowned.

She had done something. She had filled out the prompt the way her mind had told her to. The teacher asked for how the world looked around them and that was what she drew and it still wasn’t enough. It never was. It never could be. She was... upset she assumed based on how her hands clenched and the dullness in her chest.

But she wasn’t.

She was... numb.

That was it. Numb.

The criticism hadn’t hurt her because it couldn’t.

She couldn’t feel anything.

#

Ena hadn’t grown much since that time before Mizuki, she still entered slumps where she felt dead and the world was cold and grey. Everything around her superficial and hollow, but it had gotten better. She was able to manage it.

But not tonight.

She sighed as she moved past the sleeping bodies, everyone was there. Even Kanade, sweet, ignorant Kanade.

If she tried hard enough, she would recall what sounded like Mafuyu being angry for a moment, but that was too much effort.

Walking was a challenge for her. Much less trying to move past the blur of the world she had entered.

Everything had become darker as the sun set and left, whatever warmth was gone as it was just her, the sky and the stars.

She wanted to laugh as she looked to them.

So familiar, so comforting yet so foreign when observed alone. So mocking.

She wanted to revel in their comfort, yet they brought none, only a sense of something being missing. A sense of being a drop of water in the ocean, flowing forever. A sense of insecurity as she looked up into the wide unknown. She was replaceable. She was nothing when faced with an ongoing eternity.

Was this how Mizuki felt? Was this what they meant long ago when they told her a tale?

‘The moon goddess looked down one day, she looked left and right and all she saw was darkness. Everything around her was darkness, when compared with her sister’s the sun and the light of the moon, she was insignificant. Where as they were worshipped and loved, she was forgotten. Only few loved her but it could never replace the desperation and guilt in her heart and mind. That unending cycle of hatred. Especially when her twin only reflected the sun, she wasn’t that bright naturally, she wasn’t what she seemed. She was a fraudster. A liar. She kept so many secrets and lied to everyone, let them look at her ‘light’ as she took their praise. Never once revealing the truth though it ate her alive.’

‘No one knew that though other than the earth. A friend in solitude. Someone she orbited around. He knew because of course he did, he knew everything. He was smart and observant. But he knew too little. Same for their cousin star, she knew a lot yet nothing at all. She knew the secret, knew to keep it, yet she never felt the guilt or pressures of it as the moon fell in love with the ocean and the ocean fell in love back. Except, the ocean, the raging ocean was in love with a fraud and the guilt ate her alive until one day she disappeared. One day of freedom from the ocean.’

‘And that is why we don’t have the moon some nights.’

She remembered the tale, she adored it. She kept it close to her heart, it was at the forefront of her mind as she looked up to the sky.

It was a night of a new moon as there was no moon left above her. None at all. It was darkness. But in this moment darkness was all Ena needed and she embraced it wholly.

Nearly tipping over the edge but she didn’t, a fire alight in her heart.

Mizuki was smart, very smart, it was natural and as she dwelled on their past the pieces slotted into place easily.

Their stories were a way to express themselves. And the moon... that was them.

She must have been the ocean.

An was the star, Rui the earth. They knew more about them than Ena could dream because they could truly relax around them. Mafuyu was probably the other side of the moon, Kanade the sun. It made sense yet it didn’t.

It was perfect but because it was perfect Ena felt the air leave her lungs as she rushed into the cave. She grabbed her staff and lamp as she failed to notice Mafuyu staring at her intently. Also following behind, her own gear in hand.

If Ena was right, then they had ran somewhere and their stories and history would give a clue. They had to.

They must’ve known they would run one day, that they were skittish and were destined to run. They has to have given her clues. And she would find them. She would.

The hermit searcher.

#

Mafuyu walked alongside Ena, her lamp lighting the darkness. She had been found easily enough and was not going to deny it. There was no point so they walked in companionable silence as Ena slotted the pieces of the puzzle together.

“Ugh!” she gritted as she kicked up a chunk of snow. Snow splattering the two of them.

Mafuyu blinked as she held the lamp and looked at Ena carefully. She didn’t say nothing. That wasn’t her perogative to speak much. She just... watched.

Ena whirled around and laid in the snow, sinking into the ground her hands covering her face as she looked up at the sky.

Still Mafuyu did nothing.

“Could you be anymore useless?” Ena groaned as she looked towards her.

“It depends on what has you frustrated. Maybe I can be useful,” she continued.

“Where do foxgloves grow?”

“Back by the village-“

“What do you mean back by the village?”

“On the way home, they-“

“Mafuyu,” Ena gritted as she jumped up. Snow sticking to her. “Which way?”

Mafuyu sighed as she pointed behind her and Ena was off. Mafuyu following behind. Very slowly.

#

The fox had left Mizuki, it had eaten the deer meat and using what was left of their ribbon, they had tied a small stick to their leg to act as a prop and it had scurried off.

They were alone again, munching on berries as a fire crackled.

They felt guilty.

For different reasons by this point as the day had finally simmered into night, they felt guilty because they knew Ena would worry about them. She always worried for them. She cared that much and now day had faded away and they were still alone.

They walked out of their cave, the darkness encompassing them. They were lost.

They always had been.

As a child they were lost, then they had been found.

Going through adolescence they were lost, but they had found Ena. Their world had been tilted right. Then they had found An, Nene and Rui once more and been saved. They had been found briefly.

But now they were alone, absolutely.

In the darkness. The moon was unable fo guide them, their good old friend. Their other friend in solitude was useless.

Everything around them was pointless.

“Mizuki!” they heard someone yell, they were so desperate they were imagining Ena’s voice. They were imagining her presence nearby.

“Mizuki!” the voice screamed again, hoarse and dry as someone barrelled into their back. Hands wrapping around their waist, tight. Scared they would go. They would leave. And they would, it was a chance they would but with this vice grip they couldn’t.

Besides, they couldn’t leave Ena willingly. Not when she held them tight and stayed pressed up against them. Her face smushed into their back, their cloak so thick they couldn’t feel the tears leaving her eyes but they felt the way she couldn’t breathe and was hiccupping on their back.

“Enanan?” they asked shocked as the person sniffled.

“You idiot,” she weeped, stepping away from them and walking infront of them. Reaching up and wrapping her arms around their neck.

They froze unsure of what to do as Ena laughed bitterly. But she still kept her arms where they were, where they were meant to be. It felt so right but so wrong, so their arms laid still as Ena backed away. Furiously wiping her tears, blinking harshly as she looked at them.

It was like she was looking at a stranger.

Their fear was coming true.

Tranquility is exchanged for attrition

In actuality, they're no different

Pleasure turns to lies

"Let's get out of here before this place busts open"

Mafuyu walked back to the cavern, most people were still asleep. As expected Kanade wasn’t, she seemed haunted.

She was tapping the rocks on the floor as if that would bring music to the place some sense of normality.

She had left the two love birds to sort themselves out, to figure out what they wanted to do and how. She was going to inform everyone Mizuki had been found and that Ena was with them so they could go. But no one loved the darkness like Mizuki, Ena, herself and Kanade.

She sat near Kanade and the girl came closer to her, resting her head on Mafuyu’s lap.

“Did you know?”

“Yes.”

Their conversations were always devoid of topics, they were always direct. There was no point in lying to one another. There was no good reason to.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because you’d be like this and you’d take it upon yourself to save Mizuki, even if it meant killing yourself to do so. It would be cruel to ask you to save someone who believes they are beyond saving,” she stated. Omitting the fact she didn’t want Kanade to. That she was worried for her, she wanted Kanade to save someone who could be saved, not someone who thought they were a pure sinner and made from the hell on this earth.

“I can save them, anyone can, they aren’t unsalvagable. I can do if Mafuyu its easy-“

“This is what we wanted to avoid, all of us. This cyclicalness of your mind and your saviour complex,” Mafuyu sighed. “If they wanted to be saved and help, they would make it more obvious. But they don’t. They run when they need help and people get too close to them. They always have, you just... refused to see.”

Blunt.

How it should be.

Kanade blinked before closing her eyes. Sighing softly.

Mafuyu said nothing more as she rested her head on the rocks nearby, she said nothing about what the hanged girl saw.

#

The two sat in the cave, nothing was said. Nothing could be said as Ena rested her head on Mizuki, reaching for their hands. Playing with their fingers as a distraction as she tried to bring them to earth, bsck to this moment.

She was desperate.

They hadn’t said anything or really instigated touch between them.

She was stressed.

“Why are you here Ena?” they asked, they sounded resigned. Like it was troublesome she was there.

“No ‘enanan’?” she asked as she looked up to them.

They didn’t scoff, nor make any reaction as they stared off in the darkness.

Ena wished the world was still grey in this moment.

“I came for you,” she answered. Trying to ignite a conversation between them.

“Why?”

“Because I love you. Do I need a reason?”

“Yes, why do you love me? Why would you enter the cold for me? Why would you not turn around when you realised I ran because of you?”

Ena nearly reeled in from the pain, but she didn’t. She did, however, drop their hand as she sat up.

She took their chin into her hand and smiled bitterly. She was unable to express the words she wanted to. She had to think harder to capture the beauty of what she wanted to say. She wanted them to look at her though, to face reality and not be lost in their darkness that clouded to them. That clung to them as if it was their skin.

“I could give you a plethora of reasons,” she began slowly. Contemplating her words as Mizuki locked onto her eyes. Brown pouring into pink, searching for something.

A sign.

“But, they would never capture the fact that when I’m with you I find myself.”

“Even when I hurt you? Even when I lie.”

“In this world, there’s no one better, there’s no one who gets how fake the world is. How everything is a lie, fabricated. How insignificant we are. There’s no one who sees the world the same was as I do, grey. Everything around me and surrounding me is grey, but you,” she continued. “You saved me, and you hurt me. But life’s full of pain and if I walked away because, you lead me somewhere and I tripped on a rock, I am undeserving of your devotion.”

“And about me lying?”

“I told you once, I will love you forever more and I won’t stop. So, as I love you in this life and the next, I will wait patiently until you can tell me. There’s things I have yet to tell you too, and I will overtime,” she vowed easily.

Ena looked away briefly as she dropped their chin.

“Forever... that’s too idealistic.”

“Then maybe you make me an optimist, but I know, my heart has found where it belongs. And the heart is unchanging. You told me this.”

They laughed, “that I did.”

They picked her chin up and leant down, kissing the top of her head.

#

She was enamoured with them and guilt suffocated them. They ignored the fact she was insistent on them telling her one day their secret.

They couldn’t do that.

So they changed the subjected, constructed a dance to avoid it and the truth.

That they may live forever, their love may be eternal, but Akiyama Mizuki in all their lifetimes loving Shinonome Ena, would never confess their secret.

Whispering the same, always the same, convenient wish.

I don't know where to start, I don't know what I've lost sight of

I'm not sure, so I don't move from this spot.

Mafuyu sighed as she walked the cobbled roads. Mizuki and Ena hadn’t joined them yet, they were still out there. Whilst they had all went back trying to get warm and place the pieces in order.

She was worried.

Only a little.

Only slightly.

Just enough as she wiped a child’s wounds, briefly turning to face the snow.

#

“I love you,” they breathed. It was so soft Ena had nearly missed it as they sat together. Wrapped up in one another’s arms, a fire crackling in front of them.

She smiled slightly at their words letting them wash over her.

Perfection.

#

Mizuki ignored the pang of guilt in their stomach, the way their tongue wanted to turn itself into a bow to never speak again. To never deceive Ena again.

A lie.

They would never tell Ena, even if she might understand no one understood. Rui comprehended it and so did An but they didn’t truly get it and they couldn’t look at Ena that way.

Though, maybe she would as she recalled how she found them. Never giving up something they had long since lost.

Hope.

She kept hope alive and the stories they would tell her when bored. The exaggerations of the truth, now they wouldn’t be able to tell her a tale without her worry, but then again the way she snuggled closer to them and asked for another story said different.

She always looked at them as if they were the world as she played with their hair and talked about foxgloves. A pointless flower yet the thing that reunited them, truly as she played with a ribbon. Twirling it around her finger and thumbing it, Mizuki with the matching half. A promise. Unspoken and one to be unbroken.

They were so lucky.

They didn’t deserve it, they didn’t deserve Shinonome Ena with her unlocked heart as theirs remained locked. But, then again, she had the keys. She always had had, she just needed to insert the key and twist. For good or bad, for pain or pleasure, they didn’t know but they knew. One day. She would open the lock.

If we grow tired, if there's nothing more for us here,

I'll make sure we escape this time, no matter how many times it takes

So that we may protect our hearts, so no one steals them away,

Let's entrust them to each other. You can lean on me!

Ena was drawing angrily, sketching the scenery around her. She was so engrossed in her rage she barely felt anything around her.

“Why are you angry Enanan?” they asked, whispering in her ear as she painted her canvas.

They had gotten back safely, not home because Ena had realised no matter what, her home was with them. Without them a place became a place, but with them anything could be a home. Anything could be safe and sacred.

They still felt guilt, immense guilt and they still felt bad easily. They still felt like a liar, but they were growing together.

They hadn’t run off again into the snow, whilst they worked through things together. They still had their moments of isolation and lying to one another, but they were improving. That was all that mattered.

They didn't create cryptic tales full of details as a way to lead her back to them when she pressed forward and onwards, ignoring her pain to soothe theirs, soothing her own. They were getting better and maybe people judged, so what. They were in love. That was all that mattered.

Ena sighed as she looked up to them, their eyes heavy with sleep. They had been sewing all day and conversing with people, faking. But when they came home to Ena they could relax.

So long as she was okay.

But she could ignore her anger as she left her stool and kissed them deeply.

She would be fine ignoring the raging lion in her heart, trapped in a cage.

They could do it together.

The reversed hermit and the hermit searcher. Destined forever and ever.

Crying with you, laughing with you, getting angry with you

Singing with you, dancing with you, talking with you

Whispering the same thing, always the same: "How much longer will this last?"

So I may never forget the air you carved out

I wonder how many times I'll be made to remember it again

It's only us

If we are to be separated, if we are to lose our way,

I'll make sure we'll be connected this time, no matter how many times it takes

If you will stay here with me, if I could just keep you from leaving

I'll make sure this feeling no one else knows, and everything I live for, is right.

One day, the moon fell in love with the ocean. The moon lied to the ocean. The ocean fell in love with the lie but knew it was a lie and it didn’t matter. The ocean saw the moons truth and vice versa and the heavens made it so they fell in love again and again