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Before Jotaro opened the door to the hospital room to let his daughter and her mom inside, he overheard part of their conversation from the other side.
“Remember, you need to keep your voice down,” Mari was telling Jolyne in about as stern a tone as she ever used. “I know you’re excited, but you can’t yell. Everyone’s still recovering, and you don’t want to scare the baby.”
“I know,” Jolyne huffed, obviously annoyed. This was something they’d already talked about in the days before Kakyoin’s scheduled delivery, along with everything else to expect, and she’d probably heard it in the car on the way there, too. Despite all that, she was only seven. There was a good chance she’d forget at some point, anyway.
“Hey,” he said as he finally turned the handle of the knob and opened it.
“Hi,” Mari replied with a soft smile, straightening up from the position she’d been talking to Jolyne in. “You look really tired.”
“Yeah,” he nodded, pursing his lips.
She gave his arm a reassuring pat as she ushered Jolyne through the door, obviously well-aware of how exhausting this all was. “Okay, we have to go wash our hands first,” she told her, trying to herd her over to the bathroom.
“Grandma!” Jolyne exclaimed as soon as she spotted his mother, who was sitting on the other side of the hospital bed, quietly talking to Kakyoin.
“Hello, dear!” Holly whispered as loud as she could with a wave. Jolyne grinned and waved back while Mari shushed her until they disappeared into the bathroom.
Once they returned, Jolyne rushed to the bed, immediately asking, “Where’s the baby?” in a much quieter voice.
“He’s sleeping over there,” Kakyoin said, pointing at the clear plastic cradle next to Holly’s chair. Jolyne started leaning forward on the bed to get a better view, since she probably couldn’t make out more than the blanket he was swaddled in.
“Careful,” Jotaro said, pulling her back. He really didn’t want her trying to climb all over the bed when Kakyoin was occupying it, stitched-up and sore. “I’ll bring you over to see him. Just wait.”
“I made you a card,” she told Kakyoin, remembering some of her manners. She handed over a sheet of construction paper she’d folded into a rectangle and covered in large block letters, along with a drawing of some fairly detailed stick-people holding a baby. It looked like she’d broken out the glitter glue for it too. And the stickers.
”Oh, thank you so much,” he said, giving her the best hug he could without moving around too much. “It looks lovely.”
“Are you feeling better now?” she asked.
“I’m feeling much better. Thank you for asking. The doctors did a wonderful job taking care of me, so hopefully in another day or two we can go home.”
“Yeah, that would be a lot better,” Jolyne agreed. “Then we don’t have to drive all the way here to see you. They made us sign-in, and there was a line,” she said disdainfully.
Kakyoin was clearly amused by her complaining, but Jotaro grabbed her hand and cut it off, redirecting her to what she was actually here for. Mari took her spot after they were out of the way, seizing the opportunity to ask Kakyoin how he was doing while she was distracted. It was better if she didn’t find out how serious things had actually become at one point, even if it was only for a few hours. Everything was okay now, so she could stay ignorant of that until she was older and it was easier to explain.
Once they reached the cradle on the other side of the bed, Jolyne peered through the side of it, then popped her head overtop. Luckily she was already tall enough that she could.
“Isn’t he cute?” Holly gushed, turning toward them and leaving Kakyoin and Mari to the conversation they were having—something about how hard it was to sleep in the hospital with the nurses constantly waking you up for vital checks and medications. “He has the sweetest little face, just like you when you were born!”
Jolyne nodded, watching the baby stir and gurgle in his sleep while their grandma took pictures. “He’s really little,” she finally said, looking back at Jotaro.
“He’s not that little. He’s almost seven pounds. You were smaller.”
“No, I wasn’t,” she argued.
“Yes, you were.”
She frowned in annoyance and held out her arms without looking at him, which was his cue to pick her up so she could have a better view.
“Why’s his face red like that?” she asked once he’d lifted her up and she was perched against his chest.
“He has a rash, but it’s normal. It’ll go away in a few days.”
“It’s not contagious, is it?”
“No, it’s not. He’s fine. It’s not bothering him.”
She seemed satisfied after that, continuing to look him over for another minute before she asked, “So can I hold him now?”
“Well, he’s still sleeping,” Jotaro replied, setting her back down.
She went right back to peeking over the side of the cradle. “He sounds like he’s awake,” she protested.
“Just because he’s making noise like that doesn’t mean he’s awake. He’s just noisy.”
“He should be waking up soon, though,” Kakyoin said. At some point, he and Mari had stopped commiserating on their respective hospital experiences in favour of quietly commenting to each other on Jolyne’s reactions. “It might be better if she can hold him for awhile before he actually wakes up. You know he doesn’t like waiting once he’s hungry.”
“Go sit in the chair over there,” Jotaro told Jolyne, pointing to one of the empty ones on the other side of the bed by her mom. Listening to him without any protest, for once—which was really appreciated, since he was running on what could hardly even be considered fumes—she eagerly ran over and plopped herself down. That was where Kakyoin’s parents had been sitting earlier, but they’d left for the time-being, preferring not to be there while Jolyne and her mom were.
Really, it was just down to her mom. They’d already met Jolyne when they came to visit a month ago for Kakyoin’s birthday, since he couldn’t fly back to visit them this year like he usually did. It had been a little awkward for everyone to start, but that wasn’t unexpected, given that Jolyne was young and sometimes didn’t know what to make of new people at first, while Kakyoin’s parents preferred to gloss over his previous relationship. They really didn’t understand how he and Mari had gone as far as having a child without mating, which wasn’t uncommon, especially with their age. Even though there were more relationships that didn’t fit that norm nowadays, most people still reacted strangely when they found that out, whether it was someone at Jolyne’s school or one of the strangers she corrected when she went out with him and Kakyoin now, and the way they were talking made it clear that they assumed Kakyoin was her biological dad too.
When Jotaro had first introduced himself to Kakyoin’s parents during his visit to Japan and told them that he had an ex-wife and a daughter, he could tell they weren’t thrilled about it. However, they chose to avoid the topic rather than making a big deal out of it, content to focus on the fact that they had a grandchild on the way and could tell all their relatives and coworkers about the sudden, exciting developments in their son’s life. It seemed from their reactions and the way they talked with Kakyoin that they hadn’t been expecting anything like this, especially after his initial move to New York, so they were definitely pleased to hear the news and feel more involved in things again. If they chose to leave while Mari was around, that was fine. It was probably more comfortable for everyone, honestly, and it wasn’t like they had to play nice because they’d be seeing her regularly. They wanted to come visit more often now because of their grandson, but that would still only be a few times a year. All that mattered was that they got along with Jolyne and didn’t hold anything against her because of her parents’ atypical relationship.
“He’s not too sensitive to being moved around, then?” Mari asked Kakyoin as Jotaro grabbed one of the larger pillows they brought with to put on Jolyne’s lap. Holly had moved to crouch next to her, gently reminding her of how to hold the baby while they waited for Jotaro to bring him over, her phone in her hand and at the ready for pictures.
“No, I think he’s still pretty tired—just like us,” Kakyoin said with a small laugh. “I thought he might be bothered by all the noise around here, but it seems like that’s more of a problem for me than him. Jotaro’s really good at swaddling him, and once he’s wrapped up like that he’s out. We’ve already had to wake him up a few times so he’ll eat.”
“He is good at that, isn’t he?” Mari agreed. “We thought Jolyne was such a good sleeper when we were in the hospital, and then we got her home… Not that I mean that’s what’ll happen with him, but it’s just hard to tell when you’re in a different environment. So much changes every week when they’re this young.”
“Oh, I know. I’m sure he’ll have plenty of surprises for us once we’re back.”
Jotaro was over at the cradle when he heard Mari ask, “Have you been sleeping alright?”
He was preoccupied with looking down at the baby as he picked him up, cupping his head and shifting him carefully into his arms, but he could tell from the tone of her voice that the question was directed at him.
“Enough,” he replied, brushing over the wispy black hair the kid already had a full head of and purposely avoiding her eyes, because he knew she’d know it was a lie.
It had been a rough few days, but he was prepared for that going into it. Even when everything went smoothly, it was a big adjustment, no matter what—he knew that from the first time with Jolyne. However, nothing could’ve prepared him to see Kakyoin recovering in the intensive-care unit after the delivery with a tube down his throat, and the utter turmoil of feeling like he was abandoning one of them when he alternated between sitting at his mate’s bedside or visiting the baby in the newborn room with their parents.
At least the doctors had been hyper-vigilant during the procedure, extremely conscious of the risks, and though Kakyoin lost a lot of blood, needing a much longer surgery to stop it, along with a transfusion, he started waking up by the evening. Then he was able to talk to Jotaro a bit and see their son while they waited to find out when he was stable enough to be moved to their room. The postnatal hormones he was giving off were really the only thing that kept Jotaro calm throughout it, what with the events from hours earlier still plaguing his mind.
That moment of sheer panic when the surgeons had first noticed the haemorrhage in the operating room simply wasn’t something he’d be able to forget—not ever. The nurse in charge of monitoring him had immediately shoved a pheromone blocker in front of his nose, while another came to administer a sedative, which he’d had to sign a waiver allowing them to do in case of complications so he could even be in the room during the delivery. How an alpha would act when they felt their mate’s life was in danger was unpredictable, meaning there was no guarantee he wouldn’t try to interfere with the surgeons once his protective instincts took over, interpreting them as a threat just for being near Kakyoin when his body was crying out to Jotaro that he was in trouble, that he needed help.
So instead he’d been forced to sit in the waiting room they’d ushered him off to, far from the OR, dealing with the horrifying feeling of being distraught over his mate with a disconcerting numbness tamping down all the emotion and making it worse, somehow. Just wrong—that he knew he was supposed to be with Kakyoin, but he wasn’t. He wasn’t even fighting to try to get to him because the sedative had him so sluggish; it wasn’t like that would’ve helped, but at least he would’ve felt he was doing something.
The main consolation was that the baby was alright, and they brought him to him quick enough. He had Kakyoin’s scent all over him, which gave Jotaro some sense of relief as he held him and waited. He knew Kakyoin would want him to take care of him more than anything, so that made him feel like he was doing something right. And once his mom and Kakyoin’s parents found out what was going on, they came to sit with him and the baby too. Everyone held their breath until the nurses finally informed them that Kakyoin was out of immediate danger. After another hour, they learned the surgery was finished, and he was being moved to the ICU.
Despite how awful it all was, it could’ve been a lot worse, and that was what Jotaro kept trying to remind himself of. The baby was fine, Kakyoin was recovering well, and they only had to spend a couple extra days in the hospital—which was admittedly a little torturous, but again, it could’ve been worse.
Kakyoin was absolutely in love with the baby, so that made it worth it in the end. Jotaro was having a harder time connecting with him, but that was how he’d been with Jolyne at first. He’d thought it might be different this time, since he didn’t feel as out of his depth as he did at twenty-one—if he hadn’t gone through the ordeal of wondering if his new mate would even make it out of this, maybe it would’ve.
As it stood, he’d been taking care of everything with the baby that Kakyoin didn’t have to, with some occasional help from his mom and Kakyoin’s parents and the nurses, because that was what he wanted to do. The actions felt a little strained and robotic, but he was run down from the stress and the lack of proper rest, from waking up every couple hours and sleeping on the couch or in the too-small hospital bed, so it made sense. Honestly, just holding a newborn again was disconcerting; once they got a bit older and sturdier, it definitely felt more natural. The hope was that if he kept doing it, eventually something would click in his head again like it had with Jolyne and he’d feel what he felt from Kakyoin every time he looked at their son. He didn’t enjoy that he always had this deficit, compared to everyone else, but those emotions couldn’t be forced.
The barely restrained excitement in Jolyne’s eyes was apparent as he brought the baby over, so that was nice to see. Her arms were at the ready, supported by the large pillow in its fleecy case that was patterned with sketchy outlines of stars and clouds and sleepy moons, and her mom was making sure she was in the right position to support his head. So long as this lived up to her expectations, that was what was important.
“You got him?” Jotaro asked as he set the baby down in her arms, not pulling his own away completely until he was sure.
“Yep,” she said with a nod and a big smile.
Her hold felt sturdy—the pillow was doing most of the work anyway—so Jotaro stepped back, watching as everyone had their moment and taking a seat on the edge of the bed, where he found Kakyoin’s hand behind him. There were a lot of “Aww”s, and his mother was snapping pictures every two seconds, thankfully now with the sound off. Jolyne mostly just stared at her brother and giggled at first, amused by the little snuffles he was still making in his sleep, but with some prompting she finally looked up for her mom and grandma to take some more pictures with her grinning at the camera.
“They’re already so cute together,” Kakyoin said quietly, his hand squeezing around Jotaro’s.
Jotaro turned back slightly and nodded, then continued watching. It was good that his mom and Mari were handling the responsibility of capturing the moment right now, so he could just sit there, have a much-needed breather, and properly appreciate it. Eventually, he got out his phone and took a few pictures of his own. Once Kakyoin wasn’t mostly relegated to bed, it was guaranteed that he’d get out his fancy camera equipment and do some really professional-looking photoshoots that would look great framed, but Jotaro still needed a new lock-screen in the meantime.
“His cheeks are really squishy,” Jolyne said with another giggle once she was done posing for the photos, looking down at the baby again.
“I know,” Kakyoin said. He was back to drinking his tea that he’d set aside when they showed up. “He has the chubbiest little face I’ve ever seen.”
“How come they always come out looking like a carbon copy of you?” Mari asked teasingly, looking over to Jotaro.
He shrugged in exasperation. It actually would’ve been nice if the baby looked a little more like Kakyoin, just because it was weird looking down at a tiny version of himself all the time, but he was also a newborn. There weren’t many distinguishing features at this point other than the hair, so of course he’d look more like him since it was black. Jolyne had been the same, but she was starting to resemble her mom a bit more as she grew. Hopefully that would continue to be the case.
“Oh, goodness,” Holly piped in. “When I first saw him, if I didn’t know any better I could’ve sworn it was thirty years ago and I was looking at Jotaro all over again.”
“Dad’s face isn’t squishy like that,” Jolyne disagreed.
“It was when he was a baby! He was just so sweet. I’ll have to show you some pictures, dear.”
Jolyne looked skeptical, but was quickly distracted by the baby grunting, his face screwing up briefly before he settled back into sleep. “You’re silly,” she cooed, gently stroking his head like she’d been taught.
After another ten minutes passed, Jotaro loosened his swaddle so he’d start waking up. The effect was almost immediate: his arms and legs pulled up under the blanket and his noises turned fussier, rather than the odd burbles and grunts he made when he was peacefully sleeping.
“Oh my, what a big yawn,” Holly said happily, her camera still trained on him as he curled up with the force of his yawn. Then his little body relaxed and his eyes blinked open.
“Hiii,” Jolyne said softly, her face drawing closer. “I’m your sister.”
He blinked slowly at her, his lips smacking slightly before he yawned again. When he wasn’t yawning, though, his eyes stayed on her, so he was obviously interested in the new face.
“See, I’m Jolyne,” she said, fishing one of his hands out of the blanket so she could hold onto his clothed fist. “So now you say, ‘Hi, I’m Jouta. Nice to meet you’.”
She shook his tiny hand for a few moments while he watched her. Then he suddenly squawked and brought his hands over his face again, rubbing against them as he started to fuss properly.
“Ooo, he’s grumpy,” Jolyne said.
“Yeah, he might be wet,” Jotaro said, getting up from the bed and grabbing what he needed to change him before he set up the mat.
Once he’d taken the baby from her, Jolyne continued hovering around while he changed him, asking why the onesies covered his hands and if she could pick out his clothes sometimes. The answers she received in return were, “So he doesn’t scratch himself accidentally,” and, “Sure.” Then she got to hold him again for a few more minutes until it was obvious he was getting hungry.
She and her mom decided to leave at that point, because it wouldn’t be very entertaining for her to sit around for half an hour while Kakyoin fed him. They hadn’t planned to stay for too long, anyway, having stopped by in the gap between school getting out and dinner time. So she knelt on the bed and hugged Kakyoin again before she sat next to Jotaro, cooing at her brother for another minute until she had to go, even though he was intermittently crying now.
When she gave Jotaro a hug, he said, “Thanks for coming.” She pulled back and looked at him like he’d grown another head.
“Duh!” she exclaimed, once again forgetting that she wasn’t supposed to be loud. “Why wouldn’t I come?”
Jotaro laughed soundlessly as she continued frowning at him, her arms folded disapprovingly. “I was just saying thanks. Look,” he said, lifting up one of the baby’s arms and waving it a few times. “He says bye.”
Jolyne’s mood flipped like a switch with that. “Byeee,” she said happily, giving his arm another wiggle. “I’ll see you soon, okay. Then we can hang out properly. We’ll do lots of fun stuff when you’re at home, I promise.”
After that and a few more goodbyes, Mari finally managed to get Jolyne out of the room. His mom went with so the three of them could go eat dinner together and have a longer visit, which gave Kakyoin and him some alone time with the baby before Kakyoin’s parents came back that evening, intent on bringing better food than the hospital provided and taking advantage of the last visiting hours. That proved to be nice, since they hadn’t had much of that lately.
“Was that good, hm? You’re such a sleepy little boy. When you’re full and you’re getting cuddles, it makes it pretty easy to fall asleep, doesn’t it?”
Kakyoin had the baby resting on his chest, his face cradled in the crook of his neck, and Jotaro could hear him rubbing his back and kissing his head in between his words—hear, not see, because he hadn’t been able to stop his eyes closing again. He’d settled against Kakyoin’s side once they cleaned up after the feeding and the burping, and he was in probably the most comfortable position he could be when he was crammed into a hospital bed, his face pressed against the other side of his mate’s neck. The nurses had come by about twenty minutes ago, so they had another forty or so of peace, and it felt like the quietest it had been in the room in awhile. There wasn’t too much commotion outside with everyone getting ready for dinner and not as many visitors around, and Kakyoin’s scent was doing what it was supposed to, providing a reassuring sense of calm that made everything muted and soft—like they finally had their own little bubble again.
He felt Kakyoin’s head tip slightly, coming to rest against his. “Are you getting your scent therapy too?”
“Mhm,” Jotaro answered, nuzzling closer to his neck and hugging him tighter. He was still keeping his grip a little looser than usual, but his arms were up high and out of the way of the dressings, so it wasn’t too much of a concern. He’d lightly curled his fist around one of the baby’s legs and was rubbing it with his thumb.
“Well, if you fall asleep now, that’s alright. I’m starting to get hungry, so I think I’ll be awake until my parents come back with the food.”
“Mmm.”
“Yeah, go to sleep,” Kakyoin said with a slight laugh.
He hadn’t laughed properly since the surgery because he was still too sore, and probably would be for another week or two. It was good for times like these, anyway, so the baby wasn’t disturbed while he was sleeping on his chest, but Jotaro was ready to hear that weird, body-shaking laugh he got when he thought something was absurdly funny. He wanted to say ‘like normal’, but there wasn’t really a ‘normal’ for them to go back to. Everything had changed now, and it would keep changing constantly, in ways they couldn’t predict—that was the point. Once Kakyoin healed more though, things would feel a lot better. That was what he wanted.
Jotaro cracked his eyes open for a moment before he drifted into the brief window of sleep he’d been afforded, because he could feel Kakyoin’s emotions swelling again. The baby was definitely asleep now, eyes closed, head tilted to the side, and his mouth hanging open slightly, and Kakyoin was just looking at him, holding onto his little hand.
Kakyoin didn’t say it then—he had plenty of times already, in the last few days—but Jotaro knew how strongly he felt it. In that moment, it was hard not to feel it too.