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Nightmares are nothing new to Megumi.
When he was a kid, they were of his father. Now, Megumi can hardly remember what his father looks like. His face is a blur. But when he was a child, he remembers waking up in a cold sweat, his father’s angered expression burned into his eyelids. It took Tsumiki what felt like hours to calm him down.
As he got older, started seeing curses, that was what he’d dreamt about. He didn’t run into any truly dangerous ones until he enrolled in Jujutsu High, but that didn’t make them any less terrifying to him. Creepy, looming figures that seem to want nothing but to do harm; it would give any child nightmares.
They only got worse after Tsumiki was cursed; Megumi knew curses were dangerous, he’d heard enough about them from Gojo, but it hadn’t felt as real until one took someone close to him. He found himself waking up scared and breathless almost every other night, even after he starts learning jujutsu. Every curse he sees, every one he gets told about, every one he even dares to imagine; they’re all burned into his brain, making him wake up in the middle of the night with the sight of them fresh in his mind.
It gets better when he starts at Jujutsu High, though, if only a little bit. He’s learning more and more about fighting curses and it helps the fear dissipate a little. He still finds himself waking up scared, but he learns to calm himself down. Gojo or Maki or Inumaki are all close by in case he can’t. And Yuuji being right next door helps.
Yuuji.
Megumi didn’t know one person could have such an effect on him, not like he did. Yuuji is loud and brash and a little bit stupid, but he’s also strong and considerate and so fucking bright. He made Megumi feel safe in a way he can’t remember ever feeling. He knows that it’s stupid, he barely knew Yuuji, but he couldn’t remember a time someone made him smile as much as Yuuji did. Which is why every night when he closed his eyes, all he saw was Yuuji’s heart being ripped out of his chest, the blood spilling onto the pavement, and Yuuji falling to the ground.
Those nightmares started the first night after Yuuji’s death. Megumi didn’t sleep for three days after that. He missed Yuuji more than anything, every moment, but he grieved for him the most during the night. Every time he closed his eyes, all he saw was Sukuna. The long, claw-like nails digging into Yuuji’s skin. The look in his eyes, knowing he’s destroyed not only Yuuji, but Megumi, too. The markings fading away to see Yuuji, blood spilling from the corners of his mouth as the light in his eyes—the light that made Megumi feel so warm and so welcomed—faded. The sound of Yuuji’s ribs breaking as Sukuna reaches inside his chest is one he’ll never forget, nor will he forget the nauseating smell of the blood spilling onto the ground.
The night Yuuji comes back is the first time Megumi sleeps through the night in two months.
He slept in Yuuji’s room that night. He wanted to, needed to be close to him, to hear his heartbeat, to know he’s alive. He needed to know that Yuuji was alive and safe and that could stop tearing himself apart over things he could’ve done to save him. The small twin bed was cramped with the two of them, but Megumi didn’t care. He cried himself to sleep in Yuuji’s arms.
The nightmares started again, though. As they always do.
It’s cold. Megumi can feel the raindrops hitting his face. His hands are shaking. All he smells is blood.
Yuuji is looking at him, smiling that stupid smile of his. He compliments him, calls him smart as if he’s not mere seconds away from dying with the way he’s bleeding. The blood starts to drip out of his mouth, sliding down the sides of his face. It drips and drips down until it joins in with the rest of the blood that’s pouring out of the hole in his chest. Megumi thinks he might throw up.
He tries to look away. He tries to look anywhere else but he can’t, he keeps staring at Yuuji and his stupid face and he can’t believe how fucking stupid he was to let Sukuna have control. Megumi can’t believe how stupid he was to think this would end any other way.
“Live a long life.” is the last thing he says before a loud thud, his body hitting the ground.
Megumi wakes up already crying.
He shoots up in bed, tears already falling on his face. It feels like there’s no air left to breathe as he tries to wipe the tears off his face, the familiar feeling of panic creeping inside his chest. He nearly jumps out of his skin when he hears a voice behind him, but he relaxes a bit when he realizes it’s Yuuji.
Yuuji, alive. Yuuji, in bed next to him. Yuuji, staring at Megumi with the most concern he’s ever seen on his face. It doesn’t matter how many nightmares he’s seen him have, he always has the same kicked-puppy look on his face every time.
“Hey, it’s okay,” He says, his voice quiet. He’s sitting up now, too. Megumi being torn out of his dream must’ve woken him up. “Breathe.”
He tries to breathe, but Megumi can’t seem to get his lungs to cooperate with him. It feels like all the air has been sucked out of the room, swirling out the window or slipping through the vents. The breaths he gets in are shallow and ragged and he feels like he has to work for every one of them.
“Deep breaths, baby,” Yuuji starts to take his own deep breaths, trying to get Megumi to do it with him. “You’re okay, just breathe.”
Megumi tries to follow along with Yuuji. He starts out shaky, breaths barely getting in, but they slowly steady out. The air starts to return to the room and he starts to feel like he can breathe again, even if it’s in ragged breaths.
“Can I touch you?” Yuuji asks. Always so considerate, so kind, it makes Megumi think he's just been pretending to be a good person his whole life.
Megumi nods and feels Yuuji shuffle closer. He places a hand on his shoulder and, as if it were an invitation, Megumi turns and collapses into Yuuji. It’s a little awkward, both of them only half-sitting up, but it’s good enough for Megumi. He leans his head on Yuuji’s shoulder, Yuuji’s arms wrapped around him, and he cries. It’s quiet crying, just shaky breaths and silent tears. The tears drip onto Yuuji’s skin, trailing down. It reminds Megumi of the rain that night. And the blood. So much blood.
He chokes back a sob.
“Another nightmare?”
Megumi nods.
“Was it about-”
Megumi nods vigorously, cutting Yuuji off. He doesn’t need to finish his question, it’s always the same thing.
Yuuji starts to pull away from Megumi and Megumi, in a brief panic, grabs at Yuuji’s arms to get him to stay.
“Hey, it’s okay,” Yuuji says. “I’m just trying to move so we can lay down. It’ll be more comfortable, okay?”
Megumi nods again. He doesn’t trust himself to speak. He’s sure he’ll start properly sobbing if he does. He lets go of Yuuji and lets him lay down before laying down himself, resting his head on Yuuji’s chest. He can hear Yuuji’s heartbeat and one of his hands falls over the centre of his chest, fingers tracing over the scars left there. One of Yuuji’s hands traces little shapes into Megumi’s back while the other reaches up to card through his hair.
“Is that better?”
Megumi opens his mouth to try to say something, audibly tell Yuuji yes, but the words get stuck. He just nods, a few more tears falling with it. He tries to hold them back. He knows it’s futile, every time he has one of these dreams he ends up crying himself to sleep no matter how much he tries to stop it, but that doesn’t mean he’s not going to at least try.
“You can cry,” Yuuji says, as if he knew exactly what Megumi was thinking. Megumi sometimes hates how well he knows him. “It’s okay, love. You’re allowed to cry.”
Megumi sobs. He cries and cries and doesn’t stop, letting out sobs that shake his entire frame. His throat hurts and his head hurts and he’s sobbing so hard he thinks he might throw up, but he feels Yuuji’s arms around him, Yuuji’s hand in his hair, and it helps ground him, if only a little. Yuuji is still talking, whispering little reassurances as Megumi cries, but he can barely hear them over the sound of his own sobs.
Megumi isn’t sure how long he stays like that, sobbing in Yuuji’s arms, but eventually, the sobs slow. The tears stop flowing and it’s a little easier to breathe.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Yuuji asks.
Megumi shrugs. He’s not sure how much there is to say. He and Yuuji have already talked about it; Yuuji told him about Gojo insisting on keeping him being alive a secret, how even if he wanted to tell Megumi he was alive, he couldn’t. And Megumi told him about how cold and lonely those two months were without him, how many nights he’d wake up in a cold sweat with Yuuji’s last words playing in his mind. He told him about how much he blamed himself, not just for Yuuji dying, but for everything. He told him about how much he wishes he could’ve been stronger that day in Sendai, he could’ve stopped him from having to eat that damn finger and cutting his life short. They’ve talked about how Yuuji doesn’t blame Megumi one bit, even if Megumi blames himself. He’s not sure if there’s much more for them to say.
“That’s okay, we don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” Yuuji gives Megumi a little smile, even if he can’t really see it from where he is. “Is there anything you do want?”
Megumi thinks for a moment. “Can we-” He cringes at how rough his voice sounds. “Can we just go back to sleep?”
“Of course, love. If you’re sure.”
“I’m sure.” Megumi says. He’s a little scared he’ll wake up panicking again, but he’s too tired to care enough not to sleep.
Yuuji helps Megumi pull the blankets over them a little better while Megumi shuffles impossibly closer to Yuuji, head still resting on his chest.
Megumi listens to Yuuji’s heartbeat as he lays there, quiet and steady in his chest. He’s found himself falling asleep to the sound of Yuuji’s heartbeat a lot lately. It reminds him that Yuuji is alive, he’s safe, and Megumi isn’t alone anymore. Yuuji came back and, even if his dreams feel real, Yuuji isn’t going anywhere.