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Pushing her glasses up further on the bridge of her nose, Kara Danvers decided to do a little spring cleaning in the dead of winter. Maybe if she hadn't just gotten dumped last week by her girlfriend, then she wouldn't be doing this. They could be ordering in right now and laughing over potstickers on her couch instead.
But Lena had insisted that they weren't good for each other and then stormed off without any further explanation, leaving Kara to wonder if she should use her powers to catch up to her.
Is that what she wanted? For Kara to chase after her and tell her that she was wrong? Or did Lena just need some space to analyze things, in that calm but often infuriating scientific way?
Kara was torn between both options, deciding on the latter. As much as Lena had accepted that she was also Supergirl, essentially loving both identities in one person, she didn't want to put her in an awkward position. Lena didn't have to choose: she could have them both.
Lena Luthor could have all of her, if that's what she wanted.
Maybe that was the problem. Maybe Kara made herself too available. Too eager to see her. Too happy to go along with whatever flavor of the week theory Lena had, over the next big bad villain that Supergirl would be facing. Maybe Kara had to be more mysterious, or at least learn how to hide the heart pinned permanently on her sleeve a little better.
Pulling out a box of Lena's letters from under her bed, she frowned as one of them fell out from the neatly stacked pile. It was dated last Thursday, when their supposed break up occurred, and it was addressed to —
Wait, Kara Danvers?
Deciding to push away her gnawing guilt for being nosy, Kara thumbed through the rest of the letters, surprised when they were sure enough all addressed to the same person:
Her.
It didn't make any sense. Why would Lena write her a bunch of letters that she never sent her? And what was in the most recent letter?
Did it explain why Lena had moved out and ghosted her, ignoring all of her texts and letting her phone calls go to voicemail? Like she was pretty sure that Lena's mailbox had to be full by now. Which was a shame, because that meant Kara couldn't even hear her voice for those brief seconds where Lena asked whoever was calling to leave a message.
It made her sad, that her ex wasn't even taking the time to go through and delete them. Did Lena really hate her so much that she couldn't even stand the sound of her voice now? Because that felt like a direct punch to the gut.
Almost like it was laced in a glowing translucent green dose of kryptonite, carrying enough of it that it left her feeling impossibly winded.
Carefully tearing open the envelope, Kara felt her eyes racing over the words written in a neat cursive. She couldn't even appreciate the way that the letters seemed to hug one another, tied together like they were dangling on an invisible string that wouldn't allow them to deviate elsewhere. Her eyes were clouded over with tears, hearing Lena's voice in her head as though she were standing in front of her and speaking every word out loud.
That was one of the dangers of loving someone as passionately as she had, how Kara could still hear her voice in the back of her head.
How Kara almost broke down at the local coffee shop yesterday, because someone walked by her table wearing Lena's perfume and a double take proved her wrong. But her broken heart had rendered her useless for a solid fifteen minutes, paralyzed in place as the stranger placed their order and sounded nothing like her Lena.
No, it was just a very particular scent that had triggered her nostalgia and left her speechless.
Kara remembered how Lena would only use a small amount, dabbing it delicately on the inside of her wrists and behind her ears. Sometimes along the column of her neck too, if the other woman wanted to grab her attention more effectively while they were reading over an article that Kara had drafted. Of course it always did.
It took Kara a few reads to really begin to register what was written on the page. To understand why it was written, or at least try to understand. Lena didn't like it when Kara presumed to know how she was feeling, even if Kara was a highly perceptive individual and had what they jokingly called a tingly Lena sense. Like a spidey sense, but specifically tailored to cater to her girlfriend and her needs. Well, ex girlfriend, now?
Grabbing her keys, Kara tucked the letter she'd just read into the inner pocket of her coat and then headed for the door. She flagged down a taxi cab, not trusting herself with her powers while she was still in such a fragile state. Maybe she was overreacting, but Kara preferred to be safe than sorry.
Or maybe it was just something that Lena had warned her about so many times before that it finally stuck.
She also wanted to use the front door, so that Lena had the option to ignore her or not. Kara liked letting her choose, instead of barging in like a bull in a china shop. It would show a higher level of restraint and humility, how she was her ex girlfriend Kara Danvers standing at her door instead of barging into her balcony unannounced as Supergirl.
Her heightened senses picked up on Lena's footsteps from inside, closing her eyes as she had her gait memorized. Even as she got up on her tippy toes to peer through the peephole, their difference in height only a few inches at most. Unless Lena was wearing those black heels that made Kara feel absolutely feral.
Rao, it was better not to think about her like that right now.
Hearing Lena disengaging the multiple locks put in place for her own safety and finally turning the doorknob, her eyes peeled open and Kara stared back at a pair of equally miserable puffy eyes. Which was very unfair, as Lena had been the one to break up with her. But Kara really wanted to kiss her tired eyelids and make her feel better, despite also feeling a knot in her stomach at both standing so close to her and yet feeling a hundred miles away.
"Kara, what are you doing here?"
Lena was masking her pain by using her professional tone. Kara picked up on it immediately, how she stiffened up and squared her shoulders. As if this were a battle between a Super and a Luthor.
That couldn't be further from the truth.
"I read your letter."
Instead of refuting that such a letter existed or feigning ignorance, Lena's eyes widened momentarily. They only grew in size almost comically when Kara pulled it out of her coat pocket, exposing the main reason behind her sudden appearance. Apart from missing her terribly, but that was a given.
"You shouldn't have done that."
There were a lot of things that Kara Danvers shouldn't have done. She shouldn't have fallen for a Luthor. Or hidden her identity as Supergirl for so long. But it was useless to continue to think like that, especially when her genuine attempts to turn back time and fix her own mistakes were futile.
In every universe, there would always be a source of conflict between her and Lena. Something trying to keep them apart. Someone telling them to do better. That this would somehow get in the way of them reaching their true potential. That it was wrong for as many reasons as it felt right.
"I did. And I don't agree with what you wrote."
"What part?"
"All of it."
Instead of having the rest of this discussion in the hallway where anyone else could eavesdrop on them, Lena stepped aside as an indication that Kara should come inside. But she didn't use those words exactly, so Kara stayed outside. There was no magical barrier keeping her out: simply a misunderstanding between two idiots that loved each other far too much.
"Come in."
Kara nodded then, finally stepping into Lena's place and trying not to stare at the boxes of her belongings sitting in a neat pile in the corner of her living room. It didn't look like Lena had touched them at all since she moved out with them last week. Not that Kara could blame her for that, as the wounds were far too fresh to go digging through relics of their past so willingly.
"What are you doing, Lena?"
Again, Lena could play dumb. She could make this argument go on for longer than it had to. But she chose not to do that, because she valued Kara far too much as a friend and as a romantic interest to play those kinds of games.
"We can't be together."
"Why? Because you have to share Supergirl with the rest of humanity? Because you're afraid that I'll get hurt? Well, newsflash: you already did that all on your own. You broke my heart, Lena."
Lena swallowed the lump in her throat, which suddenly felt like a jumbled mess of broken glass.
"I had to. You don't know what I am, Kara. I can be dangerous."
"I knew that you were a Luthor when I met you."
Lena shook her head, suddenly more willing to look her ex in the eyes. Even if the hurt reflected back at her made her physically ache. They weren't supposed to keep any secrets from each other anymore.
"No, Kara. You don't understand. I'm a — "
"You're not a bad person."
"No, I'm a witch!"
Lena explained how she'd come across more information about her biological mother, Elizabeth Walsh. How her mother had been regarded as such a powerful witch back in her time, meaning that Lena also inherited said magic. How she was still struggling with accepting that there were answers that could be provided beyond only using science and logic as tools.
"Why didn't you just tell me that?"
There was a calm understanding behind Kara's patient tone, instead of anger or rejection like Lena had learned to expect from living her life as a Luthor. Maybe Lena should have known by now that Kara would be much more understanding and open minded than most people. Maybe Lena should have given her a chance to choose for herself, if she still wanted to be part of a relationship with her after knowing the truth.
Her truth.
But it was so much easier to run, to lock herself up and throw away the key. Like a prison of her own design. Lena Luthor was her own biggest enemy and self-sabotage was one of her worst bad habits.
"I couldn't. I barely understand it myself, Kara. I don't know what it could mean, if I let my feelings for you get in the way."
"Is that all they do? Get in the way?"
Kara slowly closed the distance between them, not breaking her gaze for a second. She could feel a static undercurrent building between them, even without reaching out to touch her hand. But she wasn't afraid.
"You know that they don't."
"Don't you think that my powers scare me sometimes too? That I worry that I might hurt you, when we're so blinded by how we feel about each other? Because that was — no, that is — my reality, every single day."
It was then that Lena realized that Kara was a lot stronger than she let on, not just physically but also mentally and emotionally. Maybe she just needed a reminder, that Kara Danvers wasn't just an ordinary human that would break under above average conditions. But that she was also a Kryptonian, with her own set of strengths and weaknesses.
"I know."
"Do you? Because I can see you hiding behind how you felt before. All those lies that you were fed as a child, about how having or showing emotion were a weakness… Lena, you know it's not true: you're my strength."
Lena felt her lower lip trembling involuntarily, sucking it into her mouth to let her teeth rake over the skin. Trying to ignore the way that Kara tore down the massive walls around her heart like they were nothing. She didn't even need her powers to do it.
"I'm sorry, Kara..."
"No, I don't want an apology. I want you to talk to me. I want you to know that I'm here for you, no matter what. That I can take whatever you have to give. Please don't ever be afraid to be yourself around me."
Lena nodded, reaching out to touch the side of Kara's face and feeling her heart clench in her chest at how the other woman leaned into her touch immediately.
Kara pulled her girlfriend — yes, girlfriend, not ex — into her arms, feeling the precise moment when Lena finally stopped fighting her and returned the embrace with a fierce grip. One that might've hurt, if she weren't equipped with super strength. So it only felt like a strong pinch, which was enough for Kara to feel a wave of relief washing over her.
Lena was back in her arms, right where she belonged.
"Did you read the other letters?" Lena muttered against her shoulder, a slight tint coloring her cheeks in embarrassment at the idea of Kara reading her innermost thoughts.
"No."
"Okay, good."
Kara wanted to tease her, but she decided not to. "Maybe we can read them together, one day? We can even do tequila shots and get totally wasted! But only if that's something that you want."
Lena paused to consider it for moment, before nodding slowly. "Okay, I can get behind that. But no one else can ever know about this. Deal?"
Kara nodded, having no way of knowing that their future kids would find a box full of letters carefully hidden in the attic that told them everything that they needed to know about how much their mothers loved each other: Lena for writing them in the first place and Kara for keeping them safe.
"Deal."