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It’s so stupid. Leah knows it’s stupid even as she says it. But she can’t help herself. Despite everything that’s gone right for her in recent months, she’s still feeling a bit like a wounded animal. Desperate to go and nurse the fragments of her broken heart in private.
She’s hurting and so when Jordan innocently asks how she’s been, Leah lets her mouth run away with her.
“I’m doing well. Great actually,” She answers with forced cheer.
Jordan, innocent sweetheart that she is replies with total honesty, “I’m so pleased. You haven’t been around much, so I was a bit worried.”
She hasn’t been around much because she’s been spending most of her free time alone in her flat feeling sorry for herself. She doesn’t have the energy to be around people these days. Jordan can’t know about that though.
Trying to play it off, Leah says, “I’ve been spending a lot of time with Beth.”
It’s not totally a lie. Her and Beth had gotten dinner that one time.
“Oh,” Jordan says, sounding surprised. “I didn’t know you two had gotten closer. Beth hasn’t said anything to me.”
Feeling petty, Leah snips, “we’ve been keeping it quiet. Not everybody likes bandying about their private lives.”
Her words are a low blow. They truly are. Leah’s referencing some of Jordan’s recent Instagram posts featuring her and her new girlfriend. They’d been innocent really and only viewable to Jordan’s close friends. But Leah had still felt hurt. It’d been her proudly holding Jordan’s hand not that long ago. Now she’s alone and Jordan’s moved on, apparently perfectly happy without her.
Looking a little put out, Jordan still manages a smile as she says, “well congratulations. For what it’s worth, I think you two make an adorable couple.”
Couple? Leah’s mind freezes on the word. Oh shit. She needs to correct Jordan’s misconception. She’s got to tell her Ex that there isn’t anything going on between her and Bethany Mead. The words die in her throat. She just can’t get them out. Jordan moves away after giving Leah one more, friendly smile.
All Leah can think is, oh shit, what have I done.
Leah’s still worrying about it later when the girls head out onto a practice pitch for an afternoon training session. They walk in small groups in the rain. For once Leah’s eyes are tracking Jordan’s every move for a very different reason. She needs to pull the diminutive woman aside somehow and explain very clearly that her and Beth aren’t an item.
Before she can pick up speed to try and catch Jordan, Beth slows slightly to walk beside her. Leah glances at her guiltily. She feels worse when the striker gives her a familiar cheek splitting smile.
“’ello Leah,” Beth greets. Still grinning toothily, she asks, “how’s life treating the pride of Milton Keynes?”
Leah rolls her eyes, even as she secretly a little amused by her friend’s playfulness. She nudges her shoulder into Beth as she replies, “it’s alright. It’d be better if Chelsea would lose for once.”
Beth laughs, then says, “well they’ll lose when we play them at least. No way they score on your defense.”
Leah can’t help the smile that creeps across her face at Beth’s show of faith. She’s lucky to have the striker as a friend. Beth can be loud and silly at times, but she’s a sweetheart too. And incredibly loyal to those she loves.
Her only recently rediscovered smile fades from Leah’s face when she sees Jordan glancing back in their direction. The midfielder gives Leah a knowing look, clearly thinking that Leah and Beth’s interaction is deeper than it actually is. Leah carefully puts more distance between her and Beth. There is no reason for them to be walking arm in arm like they had been. Even if it had felt kind of nice.
“Leah?” Beth says slowly. “Are you sure you’re alright? Things with you and Jordan aren’t getting you down, are they?”
Leah doesn’t know what to say. She’s certainly not going to explain that she’d accidently given Jordan the impression that her and Beth were dating. Beth would probably find it funny. She’d laugh it off kindly, never making Leah feel bad for her fuck up. But Leah still doesn’t want her friend catching on. She doesn’t need anyone else to realize just what a disaster her personal life is right now.
Not wanting to lie to Beth, Jordan says only, “it’s a little tense I guess. She’s moved on and…,” Leah swallows back emotion. She can’t be doing this right now. They’re almost to the pitch. She can’t be indulging in a cry when they’ve got work to do.
Beth’s hand at her elbow stalls Leah’s forward progress. The normally cheerful attacker looks surprisingly serious as she gently draws Leah to face her.
“It’s okay not to be okay,” Beth says simply. “You don’t have to pretend everything’s peachy if you’re hurting Leah.”
Leah works hard to keep a stiff upper lip. She doesn’t meet Beth’s eyes. The kindness and affection shining from them is too much. She stares down at their booted feet instead.
“You just let me know if there is anything I can do,” Beth instructs softly. “If you need a wing woman or a shoulder, whatever. Alright?”
Feeling the emotion continue to burn hot behind her eyes, begging to spill out, Leah manages a nod.
“Come here you,” Beth murmurs before pulling Leah in for a quick hug.
It’s nothing they haven’t done before, sharing easy comfort between friends. And it does feel remarkably good. For once Leah can let herself lean on somebody else, even for just a second. The feeling is ruined abruptly by a shrill wolf whistle from close at hand.
Leah jumps back feeling embarrassed and guilty. Even Beth’s startled enough to jerk her head around. It’s Katie of course, grinning like the little shit she is. Beth flips her off casually, laughing easily. It doesn’t seem so funny to Leah though. Especially when she catches Jordan murmuring something to Katie. The Irishwoman does an obvious double take and is now staring at Leah and Beth with much more interest.
Fucking hell.
Miraculously, Leah manages to make it through training without any further disasters. Katie keeps dropping innuendos that are clearly directed at Leah and Beth. Luckily, her fellow defender has such a tendency for rude remarks that nobody but Jordan and Leah herself seem to think anything of it. Beth certainly doesn’t clue into what’s going on. She rolls her eyes at some of the bawdier jokes and proceeds to duke around Katie with a show of flashy skills. That shuts the Irishwoman up for at least a bit as her hyper competitiveness overrides her playfulness.
Leah still doesn’t breathe a sigh of relief until Jonas is wrapping up the session and they’re all trudging inside on tired legs. Finally, another day is almost done. She can go home, eat something simple, and mope around in piece and quiet. That’s the plan anyway. She should have expected things to go awry. It’s just been that sort of day.
In the changing room, Jordan’s genial nature strikes again. Leah’s already feeling a little uncomfortable, having her ex come over while she’s currently topless. Maybe it’d be different if Jordan’s eyes lingered, but the petite blonde seems totally uninterested in Leah’s bra clad torso. It’s yet another little blow to her already shaky confidence.
“Hey Leah. Me, Sarah, and some of the girls were going to go to dinner. There’s a new Indian place we’ve been wanting to try. You and Beth should come,” Jordan invites easily.
Leah would love to use this chance to correct the earlier misunderstanding but Steph is standing about three feet away and clearly listening in on the conversation. Leah knows that Steph and Beth are tight, both are even part of some some Sushi eating club. If Steph overhears Leah’s pathetic explanation it’ll get back to Beth. And Leah doesn’t think she can handle that humiliation right now. That said, going out to eat with Jordan, her new girlfriend, and Leah’s pretend girlfriend who doesn’t even know they’re fake dating, sounds like a recipe for disaster.
Trying to act casual as she reapplies some deodorant Leah says, “I don’t know Jordan. I’m not a huge fan of curry.”
“Oh, I’d forgotten about that,” Jordan says cluelessly.
Christ that hurts. Leah knows that Jordan’s not got the best of memory for little details, but still. It hasn’t been that long, has it? And they’d been together for ages. Leah still has memorized every little peculiarity about Jordan. Down to the exact order she always gets from all their favorite restaurants.
“Right well, I don’t really like it so…”
“Come on Lee,” Jordan presses. “It’ll be fun. I want Sarah to get to know you and the girls better.”
Leah turns her back on Jordan briefly, using the excuse of rummaging through her bag for a clean shirt as she tries to think. It’s hardwired in her brain to say yes to Jordan Nobbs. Even though Jordan’s basically stepping on her heart right now, she still wants the other woman to be happy. And isn’t that pathetic? Frantically she tries to think of some other excuse.
Before she can come up with anything good, Beth’s casually strolling over. She’s got something of an odd look on her face. She’s not smiling, that’s the most unusual thing. She comes to a stop right next to Jordan and Leah, actually edging slightly between them until a bewildered Jordan takes a half step back.
Great, Leah thinks, we’ll just maximize my embarrassment by having things out in the open with me half naked. Feeling awkward, she raises the shirt to partially cover her chest. Jordan doesn’t seem to notice the move but Beth does. Her eyes track down the defender’s body briefly before shooting right back up to Leah’s face. And is that a bit of a blush? Surely not. It must just be the sun they’d gotten out at training earlier.
Stepping just another few inches between Leah and Jordan, Beth asks, “what’s up then?”
“Beth,” Jordan says excitedly. “You and Leah will go out to dinner with me, won’t you?”
Beth looks to Leah, silently asking for the defender’s input. Leah doesn’t know what to say. There isn’t anything she can think of which won’t reveal the entire mess.
After a beat, Beth hedges saying, “if Leah wants I suppose.”
“Please Leah?” Jordan asks, turning her bright eyes to Leah imploringly.
Trying to hide her sigh, Leah relents, “fine. Where are we going?”
Jordan rattles off the name of the restaurant and it’s approximate location. She doesn’t remember the exact address of course.
“You and Beth can meet us there. I’ve got to go pick up Sarah,” Jordan says, already halfway gone.
With the midfielder out of earshot, Leah groans. She’d just wanted to go home. Maybe enjoy a bath and a book.
With sympathetic eyes, Beth murmurs, “Sarah’s the new girlfriend, right? Should I have not said yes? I could probably catch her and make up some excuse if you’d like.”
“No, no, it’s fine. I don’t want to be an ass,” Leah says as she finally tugs on her shirt.
“Are you sure Leah? There’s no need to force yourself to go if it’s going to be upsetting. I really don’t mind making something up. I could tell her we forgot we already had plans,” Beth offers.
As sweet as Beth is being, Leah can hardly agree. Jordan will assume that her and Beth are going on a date and might say as much to the striker.
Running a hand through her windblown hair distractedly, Leah says, “best to just go. I can’t hide forever. You really don’t have to come along though. I’m sure you’ve got something else you’d rather be doing.”
Beth shrugs. “Not really,” she says simply. “Besides, I feel like it wouldn’t hurt to have a few extra bodies at dinner. Maybe I’ll defuse the situation some. What sort of restaurant is it anyway, I didn’t recognize the name.”
Leah really doesn’t deserve her friend. Searching for a hair tie, Leah says halfheartedly, “it’s Indian I guess? Some new place.”
Frowning, Beth pulls an elastic off her wrist and hands it to Leah, saying, “but you hate Indian. It’s too spicy for you.”
Leah takes the offered tie with a soft, “cheers,” pulling up her hair. She feels a bit less like a loony now that she’s dressed and her hair’s not falling in her face.
Beth’s watching her with a mixture of what Leah’s pretty sure is concern and fondness.
Shrugging Leah admits, “well I didn’t choose the place, did I? It’ll be all right. I’ll manage.”
Still not convinced Beth asks, “you sure? I could text Jordan and we could go get some Nando’s instead. Nice and plain, just how you like it.”
Leah smiles. She can’t help herself. She loves her friends.
“Nah. It’ll be alright. Thanks though Beth, truly,” Leah says, knocking her shoulder into Beth’s.
Beth only shrugs, waving off Leah’s thanks. Giving Leah another long look up and down she asks, “are you ready to go then? I can drive if you want.”
Leah can’t help straightening the collar of her shirt. It’s not her best look by any means. She’d just been planning on going straight home after all. If she’d known she’d be going out with her fake girlfriend, her ex, and her ex’s new bo, she would’ve dressed to impress. Not that she has anyone to impress or anything.
“You don’t mind?”
“Not at all,” Beth says. “You can navigate and after we can talk about how horrible Sarah is.”
“Beth!” Leah exclaims, surprised. “She’s probably perfectly nice.”
“I dunno. She can’t be that great. She’s no Leah Williamson, footballer and accountant extraordinaire,” Beth teases lightly.
Oh. Leah’s heart gives a little happy twirl. Beth’s just being a good friend, but it’s doing wonders for Leah’s tattered self-confidence right now.
Primly, Leah repeats, “I’m sure she’s nice.”
Beth laughs, and urges, “come on Leah, you don’t have to like her.”
“I want Jordan to be happy,” Leah admits softly. “Even if…”
She leaves unsaid the last bit. That she wants Jordan to be happy even if it’s not with her.
“You’re a good egg Leah,” Beth murmurs.
For the second time in one afternoon she pulls Leah into her arms. It’s a slightly longer embrace this time, without Katie butting her nose in. Leah gets to enjoy the way Beth’s sturdier and slightly shorter body feels against her own. So different than Jordan’s tiny frame, but also, so nice.
When Beth pulls back, she taps Leah gently on the nose and says, “come on you. Let’s go eat food you don’t like and make nice. If it’s really bad, we’ll drive through McDonalds after. Deal?”
Snorting in amusement, Leah says, “why do I feel like you just want a McFlurry?”
“ME? Never,” Beth teases back. “Let’s be off. May as well get the bad bit over with.”
Still shaking her head fondly, Leah follows Beth out of the changing room.
She knows this is all going to blow up in her face in spectacularly horrific fashion, but for now, for this brief instance, she feels more alright with herself than she has in a long while.