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You can’t lie to your soulmate.
It’s why it knocks Rintarou for six when, in the showers after Kuroo Tetsurou’s big V League All Stars match, Atsumu tells him he’s thinking of retiring. He’s not grandstanding or sulking or being a drama queen he’s actually thinking about it.
“Yer the first one I’ve told,” Atsumu says, barely heard over the showers.
“Why?” Rintarou says.
Atsumu tilts his head. “‘cause everyone else’ll give me shit, yer the one who’ll know I actually mean it.”
They don’t do this. They never do this. Rintarou has known Atsumu’s his soulmate since their first practice at Inarizaki. It’s polite to introduce yourself with a fake name. Atsumu had brushed off not doing so himself as simply having taken offense to Rintarou’s attitude in practice and wouldn’t want to be his soulmate anyway. Rintarou had snorted and made similar excuses when his own name slipped out rather than a lie. Apparently they’re both such assholes everyone bought it.
And they’ve determinedly ignored it since then. Through painful losses, violent arguments between the twins, Rintarou’s run-in with his old teammates and the struggles of figuring out what it means to love volleyball enough to go pro and play at the highest levels. Even the pair of them dating other people.
So for Atsumu to play the soulmate card now it must be serious.
“I meant why quit?” Rintarou says.
“Not quit, retire,” Atsumu huffs. “It’s different.”
It never is when it’s someone else retiring.
“Ok, but why?”
“I’m not gonna talk about it with ya if yer just gonna be mean ‘bout it. Here’s me treatin’ ya like the best friend ya apparently are and yer just gonna be a dick about it. Thanks, Sunarin, yer a great friend. Really. Knew I shoulda waited to talk to Kita-san ‘bout it.”
And that’s Atsumu’s way of dealing with their soulmate issue. While Rintarou uses silence and bland platitudes, Atsumu has perfected the art of filling the silence with so much bullshit it becomes white noise. Even those closest to him seem to struggle to translate all that nonsense into a real answer sometimes. Except Kita, but that’s thanks to his mind reading powers more than anything else. So Rintarou doesn’t bother trying to translate.
“I thought Aran was your best friend,” he says instead. “Aren’t I Osamu’s?”
Atsumu blinks at him over the stall’s wall. Oh. That might have been a bit straightforward. Is it bad that he always thought Aran was Atsumu’s closest friend? After Osamu, of course, but the twins don’t count and everyone knows it because they’d rather kill each other than admit how close they are.
Then Atsumu sighs, switches off his shower and steps away. “Whatever. I’ll talk to Kita-san ‘bout it later.”
Rintarou watches Atsumu walk away before switching off his own shower. They’re going with Aran to meet Osamu for dinner so they can’t spend forever hiding anyway.
Everyone is loud and laughing. There’s a buzz to everyone despite the exhaustion of a good match. Rintarou finds himself with Tatsuki and Motoya. Their little Inarizaki gang expands quickly. Meian, as a former Inarizaki captain himself, joins them, which means Hirugami joins them, so of course Hoshiumi does and the baby Hirugami with him. In the end, almost everyone ends up around Osamu’s food truck.
Except Atsumu.
Osamu shrugs when Rintarou asks where he’s gone, says he’ll turn up eventually. No one seems to know where he’s gone. Usually, Rintarou wouldn’t worry either. Atsumu’s an adult, in theory, who can look after himself, mostly, but given his earlier thoughts Rintarou isn’t sure he wants to leave Atsumu to his own devices.
So Rintarou goes in search of the idiot with a paper bag of onigiri. At least Osamu knows well enough that for Rintarou to worry means something’s going on. Sometimes, Rintarou wonders if Osamu knows the truth about them. Sometimes he seems just a little too knowing. He wouldn’t be surprised if Atsumu told him. They seem to tell each other most things.
Eventually, he finds Atsumu back on court. Where else would he be but his natural habitat? With him is Inuhata Masahiko and a bunch of kids and spectators. They’re setting for them. Of course they are. The net is lowered and they’re letting absolute novices spike. Who doesn’t want a chance to hit sets from two Olympic setters? Atsumu looks right at home, even tossing the ball underarm for the kids. No fancy sets. No snapping at kids to try harder. Just easy, floating sets, right on the mark for every beginner to hit. Their eyes light up when praised, amazed at their own ability to hit the spikes and Atsumu looks more content than he has all summer.
“Don’t you ever stop?” Rintarou says, coming up beside him.
“When did I start?” Atsumu says absently and throws a ball for the next kid. The light in her eyes when she hits the set and runs to tell her friends is kind of adorable. “Nice kill. Ya ever think about it, Sunarin? In ten, fifteen years, some of these kiddies could be standin’ where we are. A few of ‘em.”
“You think so?” he says.
“Don’t we all start somewhere?” he says with a grin. “For me it was just like this. Me, ‘Samu and Aran-kun. And Inuhata-san helping us get our first spikes in.”
“And Aran really couldn’t get rid of you after that.” He sighs and nudges his side. “Come on. I’ve got food for you.”
They sit together on the sides and eat quietly, Rintarou thinking through Atsumu’s ramblings carefully. There’s something bugging him, clearly, but what is the question.
“D’ya know why I play, Sunarin?” Atsumu says at last.
“Because you’re a competitve bastard who wants to be on top,” Rintarou replies. He frowns and tilts his head. “Is this about Oikawa? Because you had to sit on the bench most of the game?”
“Why d’ya have to ask dumb questions like that? What’s the point, huh? D’ya want me to retire?”
“You’re the best setter in the V League, who cares if you had to take a game off?”
Atsumu snorts. “Best setter in the V League, and how many times did I get on court during a V League All-Stars match? I guess the setters here in the V League aren’t up to much if they feel the need to import ‘em from other leagues, right? Let’s show of the best of the V League by bringin’ in a load of players not in the V League. Hell, Oikawa’s never played here. At least Shouyou-kun spent a few seasons here.”
“You’re getting inside your head.”
“Fuck off, Rin. I’ve been thinking about it for a while. Volleyball just doesn’t…” He sighs and shakes his head. “I want to set. Sure, it’s great to be at the top of the game, sure I wanna play in the Olympics, I’m mad I wasn’t good enough to be on court with ya and Bokkun and Omi-kun, and I can’t wait for all the shit I’m gonna get about bein’ the only one of us not to play-”
“Inunaki was on the bench,” Rintarou says.
“Ya think any of the Jackals other than Adriah are gonna give Wan-san shit?” Atsumu snaps.
Rintarou sighs and leans against his side. “Fair enough. I’m not gonna give you shit for it though. You’re actually not happy, and it’s not like Aran played either.”
“What’s the point if I just have to sit on the bench?” he says, shoulders slumping. “I’m just… startin’ to feel like I want to play more than I want to be at the top. I want to set and feel good about my settin’ and I’m not sure how much more I can even really do to improve. There’s a point where there’s nothin’ left, y’know? Or, at least where I’ve hit a wall and can’t find what I need to do next. Sometimes ya need to change. Sometimes, ya gotta go back to basics and start all over again to find what’s next.”
“And you don’t think you can do that as you are?”
“I love the Jackals but… I’ve hit a wall where I can’t feel good about my settin’ anymore… I need to find somethin’ more before I lose my love of volleyball all together. And I think it’s kinda clear, with Omi-kun, Bokkun and Alex on court and not me, I’m fallin’ behind.”
“I don’t think you are,” Rintarou says. Atsumu frowns at him. “For the record, I would have rather had you on court than Oikawa. Something about him felt… fake. I don’t know. Maybe I’m just used to how thoughtless you are, but it felt like he was thinking things very different to what he actually said.”
“Thanks, Sunarin.”
“Why don’t you just change teams?” Atsumu frowns at him. “If you need a change, just change teams. Our setter’s retiring. His wife’s pregnant and he won’t shut up about it, but he’s retiring to be a dad. You could play with us.”
“With Raijin?”
“You need a reset, we need a setter,” Rintarou says with a shrug. “And what better way to get back at Bokuto and Sakusa than playing with Motoya and Tatsuki? The secrets Motoya could tell you.”
Atsumu smiles. “Yer startin’ to sound a bit desperate not to let me go.”
“What’s the problem? You don’t want to win with us and prove you’re the reason the Jackals have been winning the cup?”
“You’re mean, Rin,” Atsumu laughs, finally looking brighter without needing to set. “I always liked that aboutcha.”
“I always liked that you liked it,” Rintarou says. “You never cared how mean I was, you always met me there.”
“Careful now. I’ll start thinkin’ there’s somethin’ to this whole soulmate nonsense.”
Rintarou frowns at him. Is that what this is? Why the idea of Atsumu retiring and not getting to see him play anymore makes Rintarou’s chest ache? Is that why when Rintarou thought he was done chasing the V League after high school, content to play half-heartedly in university, Atsumu’s disappointed pout saw him push harder until he was a starter and was offered a contract with the newly formed Raijin?
“Play with us,” Rintarou says. “I bet if I told Coach you were interested you could have a contract tomorrow.”
“Why are ya pushin’ this?” Atsumu says.
“Because you love volleyball,” he says.
“And ya love me and don’t want to see me lose that love?” he laughs. “How romantic.”
“You’re awful when you’re sulking.”
“Don’t worry, Sunarin, when we win the cup, I’ll kiss ya in front of everyone like a proper soulmate.”
“Don’t traumatize the world with your PDA. Or me.”
“Aww, ya love me really.”
“Is that a yes?”
Atsumu frowns at him, then nods. “Call yer coach.”
“We’re going to have to do something about your hair though,” Rintarou says, taking out his phone. “You can’t have that hair with our jerseys.”
“Yer so mean!” Atsumu huffs.
“You said you liked that.”