Archive of Our Own ^beta

“You good?” Karmen asked after he made no move to pick anything up. Shaking him from his thoughts as she unwound her arm and grabbed a can off the shelf to smell. He watched as she sprayed a small amount in the lid, bringing it to her nose and shaking her head. Putting it back and picking up another, the basket in her own hand hindering her research.

“Let me take that.” Eddie offered, trying to pry the basket from her and scoffing as she turned away. 

“This one.” She said confidently, dropping the can in his basket and taking a few quick steps away. Giggling as he reached for her basket again and she turned so it was out of his reach. 

Eddie sighed dramatically, throwing his head back in defeat and his free hand up in surrender. 

“Alright, alright. You can carry your own heavy basket.” He conceded with a laugh, walking passed her.

“I think I’ve got everything I need.” She replied, readjusted the basket in her arms when he wasn’t looking and leaning back to look over the stop shelf. “What about you?” She called out as he wandered lazily away from her, scanning the shelves. 

He hummed in acknowledgment of her question. Holding up his fingers one by one as he thought over his mental list.

“I think so.” He answered, bringing a hand up to rub over his chin as he thought. “Oh, I need shaving cream.” He exclaimed suddenly, pointing at nothing as he tried to remember where he’d seen it earlier. 

Karmen snorted at the remark, as he turned back to her.

“What?” He asked, the beginnings of a smirk already gracing his lips as he tilted his head in question.

“Shaving your head?” She asked with a laugh, hand coming out to caress his smooth chin as he chuckled before his face finally broke into a grin.

“Ha-ha.” He replied sarcastically. “No, I’ve finally run out of the stuff Wayne bought me in sixth grade.” He said casually, picking a can off the shelf and inspecting it seriously before they both devolved into laughter.

“Alright, well I’ll meet you back here somewhere. There’s a few other things I just want to browse while I’m here.” She said as she gestured in the general direction of her destination.

“M’kay.” Eddie replied, turning back to his shopping as she disappeared around the corner of the aisle.

Eddie picked a few more things from the shelf, heading towards the end of the aisle. He stood for a second, counting on his hands again.

Deciding he didn’t need anything else specific, he headed in the direction she had gestured. Spying her over the top of a short display and frowning as he rounded it to see what she was looking at.

Karmen held a tiny piece of clothing in her hands, smiling at it almost longingly as she rubbed the fabric between her pointer and thumb.

Eddie narrowed his eyes, looking her up and down as she flicked through the rack of baby clothes.

“Something you want to tell me?” He asked, only half joking as he approached. Karmen jumped at his voice, looking up at him quickly.

“Jesus, you scared me.” She laughed. “And no.” She said firmly, so as not to be mistaken. “Remember I told you my friend Sadie is due any day now.” She said, holding up the onesie. “She loves elephants.” She said almost wistfully. Eyes falling back on the little suit for a long second before she dropped it in her basket. 

Eddie cocked a brow at her. Not believing her for a second. He’d never seen anyone’s eyes turn so gooey in his life.

“You uh, want babies then?” He asked, clearing his throat after he spoke and making Karmen chortle at his apprehension. 

“Of course I do.” She said, perplexed by the question. She’d told him as much, several times. She was beginning to wonder if he’d been listening to her at all.

Eddie nodded, his eyes falling to her hands still touching the rack of little onesies, his face paling slightly. Karmen chuckled at his reaction, shaking her head.

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to trap you or anything.” She quipped, walking past him and placing a reassuring hand on his arm. “I don’t want to have a baby with someone that doesn’t want them. Besides, it’s not like we’ll definitely be together forever anyway.” She said casually, making Eddie’s blood run cold. “Who knows where you’ll be when I’m ready for a baby Mr. Rockstar.” She added, teasing him as she moved on to the next rack and flicked through the pieces.

Eddie watched her quietly, not hearing anything she’d said after the word ‘anyway’. 

He felt as though he had been punched in the gut. The need to keel over and hold himself around the middle rising as he glared at the stupid little elephants on the onesie in her basket.

What the fuck did that mean?

He asked himself, brain working overtime to try and piece together what she had meant. 

It’s not like we’ll definitely be together forever anyway.

She had said it so casually. So cold. As if he and their relationship meant nothing to her. Like they definitely weren’t going to be together forever and that was a fact. One that he should have already known. 

But why?

Had he done something wrong? 

Did she not love him like he loved her?

“Ready to go?” Karmen asked, adjusting her basket again so it sat in the crook of her elbow instead of making a mark on her forearm. “Eddie?” She asked, when he didn’t reply.

He looked up in surprise, not sure how long he had been standing there thinking or if she had been speaking to him at all before now. He nodded, unsure what he was agreeing to as she held out her hand and he took it automatically.

They waited for one another at the checkouts before walking in silence back to the parking lot. Eddie’s mind was still reeling. Driving himself insane trying to figure out what she had meant and why.

“Might see you tomorrow?” Karmen asked as she turned to him and he realized she had led him all the way to their cars without him remembering a second of it. He nodded in reply, again not really sure what was happening as his heart hammered loudly in his chest. Blood rushing in his ears deafening the world around him as she pulled him in for a kiss and said her goodbyes.

Eddie unlocked his van, sitting in the driver's seat and waving her off before slumping back against the chair and staring at the ceiling. 

What the fuck.

~~

Karmen liked to stay up late. Often pushing herself to the point of needing to fall asleep immediately to get her 8 hours. Tonight was no exception. Pushing through past midnight to finish the show she only had rented for one more night. But as the clock struck 2am she knew had fucked up.

The horror series she had been watching was still fresh on her mind as she changed into her Pajamas. Turning on her bedside lamp and slipping back into bed. She decided the small light would be enough to ward off any Boogie men.

As she stared at the ceiling, thinking hard about how tired she would be in the morning, she heard a knock at the door. Her body stiffening as the irrational part of her brain screamed that the light didn’t do anything and the Boogie man had found her anyway.

The knock repeated in the same pattern and logic took over as she stood and reached out for the baseball bat she kept by the nightstand.

Tiptoeing out of her room and to the door she looked through the peephole. Confused at what she saw.

She unlocked the door quickly, coming face to face with Eddie who looked like he’d seen better days.

He was barefoot. Hands wringing together in front of him as he stared at her feet, refusing to make eye contact.

“Couldn’t sleep.” He muttered, keeping his head down.

Karmen could see that. She studied him for a long moment. Noticing that even in the dim light, the dark circles under his eyes were prominent against his pale skin.

“Okay.” She replied softly, when he began to fidget under her gaze. She held out a hand and waited a long second before he took it. She dragged him inside, closing the door behind them and pulling him after her, to her bedroom. 

Once inside she let him go, gesturing for him to sit on the bed while she put down the bat and picked up things around him. She didn’t tend to keep her entire bed clear or her home clean at a moment's notice. She was a bit of a slob if she was honest. This was probably the first time he was going to see her home in a state of disarray. She usually made an effort when she knew Eddie would be over. At least having the bed cleaned off for a start. Right now it resembled a second work space/dining area. 

Eddie hesitated, looking her over in her pajamas and feeling a wreck as he tugged at the hem of the DIO shirt he had been wearing when he’d seen her at the mall.

He wasn’t wearing a belt and his jeans had slipped low on his hips. He had none of his usual embellishments like chains or bands. Bar the rings he always kept on his hands. 

The only reason he was wearing the jacket he was now shrugging off was because he had started to shiver on the drive over and he’d found it stuffed on the floor of the passenger seat.

He was a mess and she was so wonderfully put together at any given minute. Although he knew she would argue that fact. To him, she was perfect and the things she called flaws he either loved about her or didn’t notice. He was so blindly infatuated with this woman and the thought of losing her had been making him sick since she’d spoken those dreaded words.

He finally did as he was told and sat down on her bed. Leaving his jacket on the floor next to him and sitting cross legged on the side he usually slept on.

He watched idly from under long lashes as he waited for her to join him. She cleared the foot of the bed and picked up the large winter blanket she had kicked off the end earlier.

Eyes followed her around the room until she stopped on the opposite side of the bed. Flattening the fitted sheet under her palms before sitting gingerly next to him and flashing a small smile. One leg dangled off the side while the other curled under her. One hand held her weight as she leant towards him and the other rested calmly on her thigh.

“What’s up?” She asked eventually, long after his eyes had averted and she realized he wasn’t going to speak first. She had a pit in her stomach at the sight of him. But still no idea what he wanted.

Eddie looked at her with timid eyes. Shaking hands picking at his large rings as he swallowed audibly and tried to find the words he was looking for.

“I…” he began, cutting himself off and clenching shut his jaw as his voice began to waver. 

Karmen watched, brows knitted with concern as his large brown eyes began to water. 

He swallowed again audibly, trying in vain to  stop his bottom lip from trembling as she shuffled over slightly. 

A gentle hand pressed on his bicep as she nodded her head towards him and encouraged him to keep speaking.

He looked at it skeptically, the affection he once felt for such a simple gesture being called into question. Yet still his skin burned under her touch.

She frowned at the way he gazed towards her hand. Watery eyes still in danger of spilling over as he seemed to look at it with disdain.

“Eddie?” She asked softly, bringing his attention back to her face as she decided to push a little. Her stomach doing somersaults. “What’s wrong?” She asked, gentle and caring. Genuine concern in her tone as he closed his eyes against the kindness and finally tears began to spill down his cheeks.

Her brows raised in surprise as he pulled away from her, wiping at his cheeks irately before resting his elbows on his knees and hiding his face in the palms of his hands.

His shoulders shook as a sob escaped him. Muffled by his palms. Karmen inched closer, lifting her other leg onto the bed and crossing them front of him.

“Hey….” She whispered as she reached out slowly. Both hands touching lightly on his upper arms as she waited to see if he would flinch away. When he didn’t, she slowly moved them towards his shoulders. He leaned into her touch, body tilting forwards as she wrapped her arms around his neck steadily. “Eddie.” She breathed as he fell towards her. His cheek on her chest as she rubbed her hands firmly against his shoulder blades.

Eddie’s hands left his face, snaking around her waist and crossing over before clasping desperately into her night-shirt.

She held him tight, adjusting her hands as he uncrossed his legs and inched even closer. A deep breath left him against her chest as he began to relax under her hold. His tears died down as he pressed his face into her and rubbed his swollen eyes insistently against her shirt.

He wanted so badly to tell her all the things that hurt him.

That she had hurt him.

But right now he just needed her to hold him. Needed to be told he was loved. 

He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do when the person he went to for help calming the hurt was the one that had hurt him.

“I just…” He began shakily, his face still pressed against her. She hummed softly when he paused, sliding a hand up the back of his neck and scratching at his scalp through his thick curls.

Eddie gasped at the sensation. Despite himself, he let out a small stuttered moan. Being comforted was a relatively new experience for him. One that he cherished wholeheartedly. But he wasn’t really used to it yet. His brain still tried to connect all physical touch to intimate activities without his permission.

Karmen sensed his hesitation, stilling her hand and resting it in place to show her support as she waited for him to speak.

“I just…” he paused for a second time, anxiously grasping for the right words. “I just have a lot going on.” He finished finally.

He sighed internally, screwing his eyes shut in frustration. He had chickened out. The very real possibility of hurting himself further wasn’t something he wanted to deal with. Not right now, while he was feeling particularly emotionally vulnerable.

But he had come here to ask his question. To figure out what she’d meant. If he didn’t push forward he may never get an answer or worse, he might be blindsided with the truth later down the line.

“Oh, come on Eddie.” She scoffed softly, moving the hand from the back of his head and using it to scrape his bangs out of his eyes. She peered down at him with concern as she used the tips of her fingers to wipe tears from under his eyes. Watching as dark orbs flicked towards her and away again in under a second.

“It’s true.” He mumbled, words mixed together as he inhaled deeply through his nose to try and ward off more tears.

“I know...” She sighed. “I don’t think you’re lying to me. I think you’re leaving something unsaid. You showed up on my doorstep at 2am looking like you haven’t slept in days. I just saw you this afternoon. You were fine or… Pretending to be. So I know you’re not here because you have a lot going on.” She said knowingly. “You always have a lot going on.” 

“Feel like I could sleep now.” Eddie replied earnestly, voice croaky. He felt safe in her arms, with his question unasked. The sleep that had been alluding him trying to return as he slowly relaxed into her harder than he meant to. If he just kept his mouth shut he could move past it and pretend like it didn’t happen in the morning.

But could he live with that?

Karmen adjusted herself as he began to melt. An arm shooting out behind her to grab at the mattress and stop them toppling over the side.

Eddie felt the sharp jolt of them almost falling. Quickly letting go of her shirt and pushing himself away. He looked at her longingly as she moved further onto the bed and turned to lean against the headboard.

He wanted to throw himself back at her immediately. Physically holding himself back as she looked over at him and waited patiently for him to speak again.

She knew he had a lot going on. He was working his ass off trying to graduate. Spending so much time studying and feeling like he had nothing to show for it when his practice exams came back with negative results. He was feeling incredibly deflated about it all but trying not to show it. Forcing himself to stay positive and telling anyone who would listen that this was going to be his year. 

She was pretty sure he was also being bullied. But as with his school work, he didn’t like to talk about it much. Only mentioning things here and there that let her know he was being tormented. 

Not physically anymore, which was a welcome change. Ever since he’d hit super senior status and started taking younger kids under his wing, the bullies that were all younger than him seemed to see him as a physical threat. But that didn’t stop the verbal torment and emotional abuse. It always got worse as the year went on. The closer to the end they got, the more people liked to remind him of how he was going to fail again. Which of course did nothing for his confidence or his practice exams. 

Despite all that, Karmen couldn’t help but feel like whatever was upsetting him tonight was completely unrelated. He’d been dealing with those other things for longer than he’d known her and he’d never shown up at her door in the middle of the night before now.

She’d never seen him like this before either. She’d seen him get misty eyed over a movie or a fond memory but that seemed to be his limit. She’d never seen him cry properly. Never heard him sob like that. He was always so happy, loud and confident. You knew if Eddie Munson was in the room. 

But tonight he seemed miserable. Reserved and shy. A different kind of shy than he’d been when they first met all those months earlier. That wasn’t even shyness, just nerves. He’d walked into that party like he was meant to be there. Strolled past Arthur without an issue. Played on stage at the Hideout the next night in front of a pretty large crowd. But when they were alone together he was soft and quiet. Worried about making a fool of himself or scaring her off. 

But this was something else entirely. He was apprehensive, holding back as if he was waiting for something but not quite sure it was coming. He was scared and she had no idea what was so terrifying.

“Eds?” She asked eventually. The silence had afforded her time to think but it had just brought up more questions. She needed him to talk now. Properly, so she could understand what was going on.

“What did you mean?” Eddie asked, surprising even himself as he forced the question from deep within.

“When?” She asked in confusion, watching as he awkwardly shuffled himself closer on his knees. Resting his hands on his thighs as he clenched his jaw in response.

“Earlier.” He continued. “At the mall.”

She thought for a long moment, staring off into the sky before finally turning to him and replying:

“You’ll have to remind me.” She said apologetically, shaking her head as Eddie frowned at her. He didn’t think that she’d meant to hurt him. But the fact she couldn’t even recall that she’d said it was a punch to the gut. It stung like lemon juice on a papercut.

“It’s not like we’ll definitely be together forever anyway.” He uttered bitterly, unable to keep the sharpness out of his tone as he looked away from her. Picking at his fingers to distract himself from the pain and her reaction.

“Oh…” Karmen said quietly. Eyes roaming over the man in front of her as she started to piece together what had happened. Guilt welling in her chest about how casual she had been. “Shit.” She muttered, rubbing a palm over her mouth as she realized how harsh that must have sounded to someone like Eddie. “Sometimes I forget…” she trailed off thinking on how to say it. “You’re so young.” She sighed, shaking her head and gesturing with her palm for him to come closer. 

Eddie obliged timidly, crawling forwards until he was sitting next to her. Only about an inch of space between them as Karmen laid herself down on her back and held out an arm in invitation for him to cuddle.

“Come here?” She offered, when he didn’t move. 

He shifted himself so he was laying down. Pressing the front of his body into her side and resting his head in the crook of her arm. 

“What did you mean?” He asked again once he was settled, lips brushing against her shirt as he spoke. One of his hands curled in her shirt between his stomach and her side.

Her open arm curled against his back while her other moved towards his face. She held her hand in front of him, making sure he wasn’t going to flinch away before gently cupping his cheek.

“I just meant…” she tried, sighing again. “Baby, you’re only twenty. You’re going to go off into the world and become a Rockstar or something.” She smiled. “But I want to stay in Hawkins. Do the whole family thing. Get married, have babies.” She said, sounding wistful. “I guess I just thought that you knew we might not be compatible in the long run.” She answered earnestly. “But…” she began, moving the hand on his face to tilt his chin so he was looking directly at her. “I’m really sorry. I never meant to hurt you with what I said. I just wasn’t thinking.” 

Eddie broke away from her hand tilting his chin almost to his chest as he tried to run from her intense gaze without leaving the safety of her arms. He pressed his forehead to the side of her chest, closing his eyes as he thought about what she’d said. His heart felt a little lighter in knowing she didn’t mean that she disliked him and he hadn’t done anything wrong.

But the pain still remained as he stewed on her words. He enjoyed playing with his band at the local dive but it had never bothered him that they didn’t garner a crowd. He often talked a big game about breaking free of Hawkins. Making something of himself and no longer being ‘the freak’. But, he wasn’t sure he or any of his friends were actually serious about it.

If they happened to play for the right person and the offer of more came, they’d take it. But until that dream became a reality they were all just having fun. Jeff was graduating this year for sure and even if he managed to get his shit together and walk the stage himself, that still left two band members in High School. Jeff already knew he was moving away for College, provided he could get in. That left only holidays to practice together and play gigs. Unless they replaced him which Eddie refused to do.

Corroded Coffin was the four of them or it didn’t exist at all.

He didn’t know what he was going to do after school. He doubted he’d ever get into College if he had that much trouble in High School. No one was looking to hire the town Freak to work for them, even part time. 

He didn’t really have a plan. He realized with a frown. He kind of just hoped things would work out for him and when he’d met Karmen, he thought they had.

“You okay?” She asked, raking her fingers through his messy hair as he thought.

No. 

No he wasn’t. 

He wanted to tell her that. Wanted her to know that he was still hurt and now hurt again on a much larger scale. He hadn’t thought about it too much because well, like she’d said. He was young. Hadn’t even finished High School yet. But he’d factored her into his future. Even the dumb Rockstar fantasy had her on the road with him or setting up base in a nice house somewhere with a big airport so he could come back every week to see her and the kids. 

Eddie swallowed, pulling away from her and pressing himself up on his elbow. He didn’t want to look at her. Didn’t want to see the kind smile that had brightened his life in ways she would never understand.

“You don’t wanna do that stuff with me?” He mumbled, head hung low. Eyes covered by his shaggy bangs.

She smiled sadly at the question. Feeling a tug at her heart as she looked up at him sympathetically. 

“It’s not that I don’t want to or wouldn’t.” She explained, rolling onto her side and pressing up on her own elbow, matching him. “You’re just so young my Sweetheart. You have your whole life ahead of you. I don’t want you making decisions based on my timeframe and what I want in life. I want you to live yours-” 

“I want you to be in it!” He interjected fiercely, tone wavering again. 

“Well, maybe I will be.” Karmen shrugged. “Just maybe not in the same sense as I am now. We’ll have to see what happens.”

Eddie looked up at her finally, pouting as hurt flashed through his large eyes. 

“I thought you loved me.” He said quietly, voice breaking.

“Oh honey, I do.” She replied quickly, a hand running along his side as she spoke. “I do love you Eddie, very much.” She confirmed as his eyes began to brim with tears once more.

“Then stay with me.” He said, as if it was the most simple thing in the world. “Don’t leave.” He sobbed, tears spilling over as he thrust himself towards her. Unable to keep everything contained any longer.

Karmen caught him, rolling onto her back as he wrapped his arms around her and settled himself on her chest. Her arms encircled him, squeezing tightly as she rocked them softly side to side. 

“I want- a- family.” He choked. “Babies.” He added with a gasp for air. “All that.” 

“You don’t need to think about that right now.” She cooed.

“I want it.” He insisted, truly believing it. “I want the- the house and k-kids and I wanna get m-married.” He wept. “I want that with you.” He whined, shoulders shaking. “Wanna marry you.”

“I know.” She replied softly, hand running lightly up and down his back. 

Eddie clung to her, wracking sobs making his body shake as he cried into her chest. His heart aching, stomach churning. He didn’t know what to do, how to fix it. Didn’t know if he could. He wished he’d never opened his Goddamn mouth. Should learn when to leave well enough alone.

“You don’t wanna marry me.” Eddie choked out. Not a question, but a statement. He already knew the answer.

“Eddie…” Karmen breathed, closing her eyes against the pain in his voice. “Please don’t do this.” She settled on, unsure how else to say it. Of course she wanted to marry him. She loved him. But sometimes what she wanted wasn’t what was best for others and it would be selfish of her to hold him back like that.

But she needed him not to ask. Because if he did, she was worried she’d throw her resolve to the wind and say yes.

Eddie whimpered at her words. Holding her a little tighter as he cried into her chest. Karmen continued to let her hand roam over his body where she could reach. Comforting him silently as she let him digest everything that was said. 

She stared at the chipped paint on her ceiling through her own watery eyes as his weight enveloped her. She knew he thought he wanted those things. She remembered her first relationship well. The all encompassing love that fueled a desire to make her partner happy above all else. Never wanting it to end. Doing anything and everything she could to keep him.

She’d regretted so many decisions she’d made back then. But she also knew that it was only with the gift of hindsight that she could see her mistakes.

She wondered sadly if she could prevent Eddie from making similar ones or if he would need to learn the hard way like she did.

Even if she walked away now and broke his heart, there was no telling who he may stumble into a relationship with next. He might love them just as hard, maybe more. It could end the same way. With him married at 21 and a baby soon after. At least if they stayed together she could actually prevent that for him. 

But she didn’t have forever either. She only had four years until she was thirty, when fertility drastically declined and she suddenly had to worry about maybe never having a baby. She could spend years waiting around for the sake of Eddie enjoying his early twenties. Only for him to fuck her over by waiting that long to reveal that he’d decided he didn’t want any of it anyway.

She’d given up so many years already being with the wrong person. Waiting on their timeline and then being left alone and heartbroken. Maybe if Eddie was serious she should just take him up on it. He was a sweet, kind, beautiful man.

Eddie stared out the window next to the bed, sniffing softly as he struggled to regulate his breathing. He knew he shouldn’t rely on her to comfort him. 

Especially when he was pretty sure they were about to break up.

But the thought of leaving and never getting to hold her again… or maybe, be held by her again. It was too much for him in that moment. He needed her.

“Are you breaking up with me?” He asked quietly before a hitched inhale. He wasn’t sure exactly what he expected to hear as a response.

He’d never known silence could be so loud. The stillness of the bedroom eating at him as tried repeatedly to swallow the persistent lump in his throat.

“No-“ She answered eventually, being cut off immediately by a skeptical Eddie.

“But you will.” He stated, as if it was final. Fingers digging into her for purchase as he inhaled another shaky breath.

“Listen.” She said firmly, catching him by surprise as she rolled them onto their sides and shuffled down so they were face to face.

She unwound her hands from around his body and placed them on his face. Cupping his cheeks and staring into gorgeous brown eyes as she spoke.

“I love you Eddie.” She started, raising her brows at him to make sure he understood. He nodded back once, eyes darting around as he tried desperately to avoid her gaze while he was vulnerable. “I’m having so much fun with you. I don’t ever want it to end.” She whispered, wincing as tears fell from his bloodshot eyes and rolled over her fingers. “Maybe one day it will have to…” she paused. “If we don’t want the same things. But I don’t want you to make really big decisions about your future right now, okay?” She asked rhetorically. “So, maybe let’s table this one and talk about it after you’ve graduated. It’s not too far away.” 

Eddie opened his mouth to speak, face scrunched into a painful grimace as he tried to argue. She shushed him as lightly as she could, shaking her head before continuing.

“If you can’t handle that, that’s okay.” She assured, her thumbs running softly against his face in an effort to calm him. “I’m…” she paused again, not sure how to say what she was feeling. “I’m really sorry I’ve put you in this position.” She admitted, guilt welling in her chest once more. “I thought you knew there was a chance we wouldn’t work out in the long run. I told you pretty early on what I wanted out of life. But, I guess sometimes I forget how young you are and that this is your first relationship. I should have been more clear about when I wanted it.”

Eddie watched her as she finished speaking. She averted her eyes to give him time to think without her scrutiny.

“So, no matter what we have to break up?” He asked, voice thick with emotion.

“No.” She elucidated softly. “But I do think there is probably someone else out there for you Ed and… I don’t want to waste your good years.” She said cynically. 

“Good years?” He asked with a frown.

“You know, twenty to… twenty-five-ish.” Karmen chuckled. “Younger than me.” She added in a self deprecating tone. 

Eddie stared at her for a long time. Not saying anything as his soft eyes roamed her face and he took in every feature.

She didn’t look her age. Not that twenty six was old or anything. But he had thought she was a student like him the first time they’d met. He wasn’t sure he ever would have been brave enough to follow her into that bedroom if he had known she was older. Not because he wasn’t open to it but because he wasn’t sure his confidence would have held up. The older people got in this town the more they seemed to despise him. 

He had been so damn lucky when she’d walked out onto that deck. Started the conversation so he didn’t have to. Kissed him. Oh god, when she’d kissed him. Taken his hand and physically led him to a private place for more. That moment, no. The entire night, lived rent free in his mind since they met. It was the single greatest thing that had ever happened to him.

Besides later losing his virginity to her of course. But that was in a whole other category of awesomeness. One that if he let live in his head all day would probably cause issues at school.

“There isn’t anyone else.” Eddie whispered after a silence so long that Karmen had accidentally begun to drift off.

She opened her eyes at his words, blinking rapidly and trying to figure out what she’d missed.

“There isn’t anyone else.” Eddie repeated firmer, as she looked at him with startled eyes. He knew that expression and that she hadn’t heard him.

“Oh.. Honey.” Karmen whispered. She didn’t mean to sound patronizing but supposed she probably had. She looked at him sadly. “Maybe not right now.” She smiled weakly, desperately wishing she’d kept her mouth shut at the mall. She didn’t want to break up with him. But she also didn’t want to break his heart slowly over several years. Building love and trust and absolutely obliterating him when she was ready for a family and he wasn’t. 

“I’m serious.” Eddie murmured, looking away. “I don’t want anyone else.”

“Okay.” Karmen conceded, looking over at him with a weary smile. “I believe you, my love.” She said softly, running a hand along his arm as he looked at her with the most beautiful, sad eyes.

She did believe him of course. That there was no one else in that moment and he only wanted her. But he still failed to understand her point and she worried that only time would help with that.

She wouldn’t have understood at his age either.

“I don’t want to hurt you, Eds. I just want what’s best for you.” She concluded, trying her best to end the conversation. Not that she didn’t think it was an important one or one that needed to be had. But she knew she was hurting him. Knew this situation was causing him unnecessary pain and there was nothing she could do about it right now.

They didn’t need to have this huge in depth discussion at two in the morning on a school night. If she kept entertaining it, it could go on for hours. It could end in so many ways and none of them ended in getting a good night’s sleep. Even the good endings would still cause stress and anxiety on both parts. 

What was best for Eddie right now at this moment was sleep. They could pick back up the next afternoon if he insisted. 

“You’re best for me.”

“Baby.” Karmen chuckled incredulously at his tenacity. 

That was cute.

“Don’t wanna lose you.” He croaked. “Please?” He added, his tone pleading. He was starting to feel desperate.

“I’m not going anywhere tonight or…” She paused, swallowing as she rolled onto her back once more and pulled him close with a hand between his shoulder blades. Settling him on her arm as she had done earlier.

She wanted to tell him she wasn’t going anywhere ever. That she’d be by his side as long as he’d have her. But she knew that wasn't what was best for him right now, even if he wanted to hear it and not saying it brought tears to her own eyes. He needed her to be strong. 

Eddie let himself be maneuvered, slinging an arm over her waist and sinking into her as he waited for the rest of her sentence with baited breath. He let it out shakily against her shirt when it didn’t come. His fingers kneaded gently against the chub of her hip. A nervous habit he wasn’t even aware he was doing.

He had so much he wanted to say. Terrified this would be his only chance to say it. But his brain wasn’t cooperating. Every time he thought he’d compiled a proper sentence he listened to it back and realized it was gibberish. Every time he opened his mouth to speak, he couldn’t force the words to come out.

He hadn’t felt this way since he was a child. The need to fight for someone he loved. The overwhelming sense that if he didn’t convince them of his worth they wouldn’t keep him.

“Eddie?” Karmen asked, catching his attention. He tilted his head upwards slightly to let her know that he had heard. “I really do love you.” She assured him, running her hands through his hair as he stared absently out the window. “I assume you’re staying over this morning?” She chuckled lightly, running her knuckles gently over his cheek and watching as he blinked lazily.

He nodded shyly. Feeling embarrassed at the fact that he had not only shown up on her doorstep in the middle of the night. But also made a fool of himself, crying in front of her and declaring his undying love as if he wasn’t a silly twenty year old. 

He hadn’t exactly proven his own point. Probably didn’t successfully convince her he knew what he was talking about and meant the things he said. Not when he’d gotten so worked up over it all. He imagined legitimate adults could probably have a serious conversation like that without losing it completely.

He was surprised she wanted him to stay. Wondering deep inside if maybe she didn’t. But he was too scared to ask in case it was true.

He needed her tonight. He needed her forever but at this point he would take what he could get. Tonight was a blessing and he refused to think of what was to come when it ended. Whether he would wake up alone to a note on the bedside table like in the movies. Maybe she’d be waiting for him and they would have breakfast together and then she’d kiss him goodbye and never call again.

“Do you think you’ll be able to sleep?” Karmen asked, startling him out of his thoughts. He hadn’t realized he’d zoned out. He wondered if she had been watching him the whole time as he shrugged in response. Unable to speak for fear of every jumbled sentence he had inside spilling out in one go.

He closed his eyes, nuzzling his nose against her before sliding his head onto her chest. Pulling her impossibly close as the curls at the back of his head tickled her nose.

He could feel his bottom lip trembling. Feel the tears leaking from under his eyelids. His shaky breaths being filtered through her nightshirt.

“You’re okay.” Karmen cooed, knowing deep down it wasn’t true. “You’ll be okay.” She whispered instead, tenderly stroking over what she could reach of his face.

She wished she’d never opened her Goddamn mouth. 

~~

[March 1986]

Karmen stood in front of the large double doors to Hawkin’s hospital. She stared up at the sign with bloodshot eyes that were underlined by dark circles. Her hair had been pulled into a messy bun four days earlier and hadn’t been touched since. She hadn’t showered for as long either.

Her arms were protected by one of John’s jackets. The kind gesture was probably the only reason she wasn’t frozen solid right now. She wore a dirty, oversized tee shirt, covered in stains while her legs were only covered by a pair of denim shorts. Goosebumps adorning them as she unconsciously shivered in the cold wind.

“Karmen?” The familiar voice shouted out, causing her to turn towards it. Sighing in relief as Wayne approached, his arms outstretched for a hug. She took it gratefully. Her arms wrapped tight around his waist as she leant her head on his chest. One of his large palms came up to rest on the back of her head as he petted her in a fatherly gesture. “You look like shit Sweetheart.” He chuckled as he pulled away. A small smile tugging at the corner of Karmen’s mouths at how much he had sounded like Eddie in that moment. Or perhaps Eddie sounded like Wayne. She wasn’t sure.

“Feel it too.” She replied, clearing her throat as her voice didn’t come out right. How long had it been since she’d spoken? She wasn’t sure. One of her friends had answered the phone when Wayne had called. They’d given her the message that Eddie had been found. That he was alive, just barely. “How is he?” She asked, her hands wringing together as Wayne shook his head, pursing his lips at the question.

“Not good.” He answered simply, leaving a silence as Karmen let her mind wander in place of replying. 

“Listen, Karmen…” Wayne began, looking empathetic as he took a step towards her and placed his hand on her back again. He turned them away from the entrance, walking away a few steps before stopping and placing his hands on his hips. 

Karmen frowned at him, staying silent and waiting for him to talk. 

“Look there’s no easy way to say this so I’m just gonna go right ahead.” He blurted unexpectedly. Watching as her brows rose in surprise.

“Okay?” She said, a question in her tone as she tilted her head and waited. A pit forming in her stomach at the pained look on Wayne’s face. Whatever he had to say was not going to be easy for her to take.

There was only one thing this could be about.

She swallowed thickly, pursing her lips as she thought back on the picture of Chrissy Cunningham that had been blasted all over the papers.

Why the hell had she been alone with him in his trailer in the first place?

It was a question that had plagued her since the second she’d found out that Eddie was suspected of murdering her. Not the murder victim, like she’d thought initally. 

“Eddie told me a while back that, you said something about your relationship… or… whatever you have together… Being just a fling.” Wayne began, watching as Karmen let out the breath she’d been holding and ran a shaky hand over her face. “And look…” He continued. “I don’t think I have to tell you exactly how much that kid loves you. I think you know how much he loves you.”

“Wayne-” Karmen began, desperate for him to just get it over with.

“Please, let me finish.” He said firmly, watching as she tried to suppress her eye roll. She nodded curtly. Crossing her arms over her chest as she waited.

“I like you and I think you’re a good fit for our family. But, Eddie’s in a lot of pain right now-”

“So am I Wayne!” Karmen interrupted, unable to help herself. “We spend one night apart for the first time in weeks and this asshole brings another girl home?” She asked incredulously, tears welling in her eyes. 

Wayne frowned at the statement, realization dawning on him slowly as he let his head fall back. A long sigh left him as he pulled it back up to look at her, shaking his head.

“No.” He said softly, unable to stop a chuckle. “No, this ain’t ‘bout that girl.” He said seriously, reaching out a hand to place on her shoulder. “Nothing goin’ on with those two, I guarantee it.” He said, enunciating the words. “Eddie’s too sweet on you to look twice at her. That was ‘bout drugs. Much as I hate to admit it.” He grumbled. “Eddie’s room was torn apart and the cops told me there was a case of ketamine on the floor near where she was lying.”

“Come on Wayne.” Karmen scoffed, shoving down the sparks of hope that had jumped forth at his words. “That little thing on ketamine?” She asked. “No way.”

“Kam.” He sighed, letting the hand on her shoulder fall away. “Eddie don’t have a lot of friends. But the one’s he does have he’s fiercely loyal to n’ you. Well you ain’t like any other friend he’s ever had. That boy would marry you tomorrow if you’d let him.”

Karmen pursed her lips at the statement, averting her eyes. 

“Which is why what I’m ‘bout to say to you is important.” He transitioned. Looking her over to make sure there was no protest before continuing. “Eddie… Eddie is a sweet soul.” He began. “An’ look, I understand you got your own things you want outta’ life and maybe… Maybe Eddie can’t give ‘em to you.” He paused, swallowing as he chewed on his next thought. “I understand that one day, for your own good, you might have to hurt him. Even if you don’t want to.” He said, voice wavering. Her eyes finally met his as he looked at her seriously. “So what I’m asking Karmen, is that you make your decision before you walk through those doors.” He said, pointing back towards the entrance to the hospital.

Karmen inhaled sharply. Eyes flicking back towards the entrance briefly. She nodded, waiting for him to finish his thought.

“Eddie’s well out of it at the moment.” He continued. “Can’t even speak and I know it seems cold and heartless… But if you’re gonna hurt him, please do it now.” He pleaded, voice thick with emotion. “I just… Hell I can’t nurse that boy back to health only to watch him fall apart afterward because you decided you wanted to move on. Please, for the love-a’ God if you have any inclination that Eddie isn’t what you want outta life, don’t go in there.” He finished as Karmen’s watery eyes flicked back to him. Registering the unshed tears brimming above harsh age lines.

She nodded again. Sucking on her teeth as she turned away fully and screwed her eyes shut tight. Hugging herself firmly as she took in a stuttered breath through her nose. Jaw clenched as she tried her best to hold back tears.

A hardened palm pressed firmly on her shoulder for a second time. Only lingering for a few seconds before the weight disappeared. 

The sound of the hospital doors sliding open was heard behind her. She turned her head slightly, opening her eyes to see Wayne’s back disappearing behind the glass as they closed again.

She turned back to the front, staring at the ground for a long moment before taking a step forwards and bumping into another person who had tried to hurry in front of her.

“Shit sorry!” The kid shouted out, taking a step back and looking at her with a concerned expression as she looked up in surprise. “Are you okay?” He asked, quickly as he took in her appearance. She must look like Death, she realized as she looked over this kid with his curly auburn locks and big bright smile.

“Yeah.” She croaked out. “I’m okay. Sorry.” She added, smiling weakly. She gave him a nod before walking around him and continuing on her way. The kid watched her go for a second before shrugging to himself and heading in the opposite direction, towards the hospital doors.