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“Oh my God, why does any of this matter?!”
After Church’s third frustrated sigh in the last five minutes, he couldn’t take it anymore. This was quite possibly the drollest subject he had the misfortune of taking. He didn’t have a choice in the matter, he had to suffer through applied partial differential equations if he wanted his stupid master’s. He could’ve done what all his friends did and attempted to land a job after attaining his bachelor’s degree, but no, he insisted on showing he was slightly more competent than the average person but, mostly, he just wanted a larger paycheck. If he had realized he had a few math classes left, he honestly would’ve seriously considered stopping at the undergraduate level which was more than sufficient to land a cushy engineering job.
He grumbled to himself, idly taking notes. “Why are we still talking about ordinary differential equations when we’re in partial differential equations now? I thought I was done with this shit!”
“When you end up in Spanish II, do you just completely stop using everything you learned in Spanish I?”
Church snapped his head to his right, “What?”
Washington huffed under his breath, “I’m saying all topics build on themselves, math included. We have to talk about the fundamentals before we can get to the actual material.”
Church narrowed his eyes, “Whatever, man. I’m just in here because I have to be, I don’t get hard for this shit.”
Washington rolled his eyes, turning away to pay attention to the lecture. “Yeah, well, clearly you need this in some capacity for your future career in whatever or you wouldn’t be here.”
“If you can tell me when I’m ever going to use this bullshit to build a fucking bridge, I’ll personally do your next homework assignment for you.”
Wash snorted under his breath, “Please, like you’re better at this than I am.”
Great. Church was seated next to a math nerd, somebody who actually enjoyed being here, fucking terrific. In any other capacity it would’ve been a godsend, somebody for him to copy work off of on the sly but this jackass seemed like he’d be the type to lord his prowess over him.
-*-
It was a Saturday night and Church was holed up in one of the lounge areas in the library specifically designed for the science students. He sat in one of the smaller study rooms comprised entirely of glass walls working on one of the problem sets his professor assigned the class prior. While he knew it would go a long way to impressing the ladies if he were to get up and start jotting down all his work on the crystalline panes, he also just appreciated having an unobstructed view of the outside world. The joke about engineering students involved the idea they rarely, if ever, got to see the sunlight and the dark haired student was finding this was regrettably turning out to be true for him. Half of the time, he was simply saving face, pretending to be blasé about this whole grad student thing but the truth was he had to maintain a 3.0 GPA at least if he wanted to keep receiving his research stipend and have a degree to show for it. Hence why he was sitting in the library on a Saturday night when all of his friends were out getting hammered. Fuck them. He was gnawing away at the end of his pencil, scribbling away furiously and just as quickly erasing everything he had written down in the last few seconds. He yelled in defeat, shoving the papers away.
“Fuck this shit!” He tensed up at the desk with his arms crossed angrily across his chest, glaring down the nest he had managed to create for himself in the tiny room over the last few hours. There was his empty coffee cup still in reach, his textbook and his laptop both sitting open staring back at him blankly and all his notes, all his papers strewn about over the surface of the table. None of them were any bit useful.
“Need some help?”
He jerked his head up at whoever was stupid enough to intrude on him at this moment and standing in the doorway was the guy from his class; the annoying, smug nerd with the one stupid blonde streak in his otherwise pitch black hair. “What’re you doing here?”
Wash pushed off from where he was leaning and strolled on in, “Wow, are you normally this much of a dick to people who’re trying to help you out? Not that it’s any of your concern but TA duties. I was catching up on my grading.”
Church gritted his teeth completely ignoring the latter half of his response. This dude was such a fucking know-it-all, Simmons had nothing on him. “I didn’t invite you in.”
Washington rolled his eyes as he pulled up a seat next to the frustrated engineering student. “Just let me see your work.”
Church grumbled inaudibly in return as he shoved his work at the other man, using the momentary break to lean back in his chair and take a breather. He had been at this for the better part of the afternoon and now it was stretching into the evening. He hadn’t planned on being here this late or running into asshole losers from any of his classes.
Breathing in deeply, he almost forgot the other grad student was in the vicinity until he broke the silence. “Earlier on, you dropped a negative. Your process is right, you clearly recognize how to attempt this problem but you simply forgot a negative sign in this step.” Wash was pointing to where he meant and Church was ready to throw all his work into a nice open fire.
“You’re fucking kidding me.”
The grey-eyed student shot him a warm smile, “It happens. You’d be surprised how frequently I do that too.” He motioned to his stack of graded papers. “A lot of people in this pile would agree with me as well.”
Church exhaled slowly feeling an overwhelming urge to abandon ship for the night and find his friends but his grade was on the line so he pressed on. He let out another withering sigh, glancing at his classmate. “Uh, thanks for the advice, I guess.”
Washington shuffled his papers, getting up to leave. “No problem, anytime.”
The goateed student inwardly groaned at himself for what he was about to do next. “You can stick around if you want. You know, just in case you notice anything else worth pointing out.”
Wash grinned at the other student upon sitting back down, “That’s the best apology I’m ever going to get from you isn’t it?”
Church didn’t respond but Washington still saw the way the corner of his lips quirked up faintly.
“The name’s Washington.”
“Church,” he nodded.
“Well Church, I guess if I’m welcome to stay, you wouldn’t mind working on this together, right?”
The moment of gratitude Church felt dissipated as quickly as it had appeared, this guy really was annoying as fuck. “Can’t stop you, buddy. Do what you want.”
They sat in silence working on their respective assignments and Church would glance Washington’s way every few minutes. Entirely to make sure what he had on his paper matched up with what his tan classmate had, that was all.
-*-
After their first encounter, Church was inclined to say he’d potentially judged Washington wrongly. He’d come into class the next day and Wash asked him how the rest of his problem set went and when Church finally admitted he was struggling on the last question, the grey-eyed student immediately went into an explanation of how it was a challenging problem requiring outside-the-box thinking and the trick to solving it involved a change of coordinate systems. Church of course stared at him blankly in mild horror and after the mirth plastered across Washington’s darker features faded he told him he’d help him after class. The engineering student was more than caught off guard by the subtle humor Washington embodied, he was sure all those words were pure conjecture designed to make him think Wash was smarter than he actually let on. Church didn’t know the other student well but he was sure the marginally taller individual liked lowkey fucking with him.
This sentiment was confirmed later when they were seated in lecture and Church was innocently taking notes, minding his own business when a discernibly pointy elbow nudged into him and caused the hand holding his pen to draw involuntary lines across the notebook instead of writing down an important derivation. He tossed an annoyed look over at Wash who shrugged an apology sheepishly, mouthing back, “Sorry, left handed.”
It wasn’t the smartest idea that right-handed Church had Washington to his left then. The few times it happened afterwards, the engineering student let it slide because it couldn’t be helped but he was sure the math student just liked getting a rise out of him. There were only so many times Wash elbowing him could be accidental and with the frequency it happened and the ghost of a smirk that haunted Washington’s features as he stared straightforward pretending to pay attention, Church knew Wash was an asshole under all his geeky layers, much like himself, which was alright; maybe they did have more in common than he initially thought after all.
-*-
It was a few weeks later, middle of the afternoon and they were sitting in the same study room together again. Considering how often Church was in there and Wash’s office was somewhere in the library too, they ran into each other a lot. It had gotten to the point where most nights when Wash was on his way out, he would stop by the other student’s makeshift study area. Church was as despondent as ever the first few times but he eventually began warming up to the man when he recognized there was no ulterior motive, the guy genuinely was trying to assist him in his studies. The more time they spent together, the more they found their own routines. They didn’t talk much about personal shit but they had their ways of showing their burgeoning friendship. Wash would show up with two cups of coffee and Church would leave a small space across from himself amidst all his clutter for Washington to do whatever he pleased.
This particular afternoon found them in an amiable, talkative mood though. The slightly older student had a notebook in his lap while his legs were perched up on the table, leaning back in his chair casually. He was staring intently at Church who was beginning to become unnerved by all the attention.
“What?” He finally barked.
Washington sneered at him jovially, shrugging his shoulders. “Nothing in particular. Just amazed after all this time you still insist on pretending you don’t care about this stuff when you obviously do.”
Church resumed highlighting a particular remark in his notes, annotating something in the margin. “You’re wrong. I care about the grade, not the material.”
Wash sipped his cup of coffee, as he flipped to the next page in his notebook. “If you say so.”
He continued to stare at Church under the guise of bothering him but there was a fleeting moment where he wondered what the scruff of that ever present goatee would feel like against his skin.
-*-
They received the scores on their first tests and Washington did amazing, of course, fucking nerd, but Church was less than thrilled with his grade. Wash didn’t make a remark and Church appreciated it. If it was a coincidence the math grad student was around more, neither mentioned it as the engineering student was begrudgingly thankful for the additional guidance. In truth, having Washington around was distracting sometimes. There were some days where those distractions took the form of them forgoing their homework and study sessions in favor of commenting on the eccentricities of their professor and the mysterious way all his students and colleagues alike only ever referred to him as “Delta.”
Some evenings the distractions manifested themselves in Church glancing at Wash out of the corner of his eye. The grey eyed man had a penchant for dressing what seemed to fit the criteria for “business-casual.” A crisp button-down shirt and some black denim were his usual staples (he didn’t try to think about why he wanted to know how it would feel to pop all the buttons as he forcefully ran his finger down the other man’s chest) but the rare instances Washington showed up in a t-shirt and shorts post workout always threw him for a loop (additionally, he didn’t try to think about the beads of water which would travel under his tight fitting shirt after his shower). He never would’ve thought somebody who had a colossal boner for math would’ve been super into working out as well. But as he became acquainted with his classmate-turned-kind-of-friend more, he realized Washington wasn’t someone he could put into a box easily, much like himself. Everyone expected he wouldn’t amount to anything but there he was in graduate school working his ass off most nights.
He wasn’t going to sit here and blame Wash for his sliding grade since the guy was going out of his way to try to help his friend and it wasn’t his fault Church was shit at this. Often times he thought about telling his darker skinned classmate to quit trying because it was a waste of his time but that consequently meant he’d probably see the other student less outside of class and something about that didn’t sit well with him. Even worse, the end of the semester was fast approaching and he was sure of all the math classes left in his curriculum, none of them overlapped with Wash’s and it was kind of sad to think about not having these interactions with him anymore. If he thought on it further, he could’ve sworn the way Washington smiled at him now was different but he couldn’t place it. He wasn’t sure if the other man noticed the moments where Wash would jokingly tell him he divided by zero again and Church would throw a pencil at him in retaliation and they would knock legs under the table accidentally in a jostle to flick balled up paper at one another but never pulled away. The weekly seminars in the large lecture hall found Church and Washington sitting together trying not to make dickish remarks to the presenters because they would be standing up there sometime soon as well. Washington recalled one of the meetings where Church had fallen asleep on his shoulder and if he looked over and smiled softly at his sleeping friend, no one but him would know.
-*-
Close to their second test and Church found himself cursing Washington. It didn’t matter how profusely Wash had apologized for the inconvenience, or how many of his stupid dimpled smiles he would throw the goateed student’s way. They were situated in his cramped office due to a group of unknowing freshmen claiming “his” study room as their own.
“I mean, I’m in there practically every fucking night, I feel like the library staff should have a reserved sign for me placed in there. ‘Property of Leonard fucking Church, attempt to sit here and you will be murdered.’”
Washington had been staining these poor unwitting Calculus students’ papers with red ink at a furious pace when he abruptly stopped, laughing. “Your first name’s Leonard?”
“Shut up, David. When your asshole friends have been referring to you as ‘Le Nerd’ your entire life, you find Church is a much better alternative. I still don’t see how you thought Washington was a better moniker to go by, David’s not that bad of a name. Much harder to come up with embarrassing nicknames, that’s for sure.”
They were both grinning and Church blamed the fact they were pressed into each other’s sides on the idea some university administrator was trying to pass off a broom closet as an office. He wanted to distance himself (physically and otherwise) from Wash since the end of the term was closer now and he didn’t want to get attached. But it was too late, he was fond of his classmate and, well, he wanted to spend extra time with the guy while he could. They’d get lunch together, sure, but he wouldn’t be able to sit with him for hours under the façade of working on homework together any further. It would be different, they’d be busier and their friendship was too new to withstand that strain. If his other friends could hear how dramatic he was being right now, they’d never let him live that down either.
-*-
It was the night before their final and Church had never felt more frustrated with differential equations than he had now. Washington had made them a coffee run earlier in the day but the sun was setting outside their window which meant dinner was on Church. He took a few extra minutes to step away from the numbers and letters that had all begun to run together in his mind. Upon returning, he stopped momentarily in his tracks, he had to remember it like this:
Washington was sitting in Church’s usual spot, his back to the window. The sunset had deepened while he’d stepped out and now Wash was bathed in a faint golden glow. It struck the highpoints of his cheekbones, cast a deep shadow into the hollow of his throat and even the faded stripe of blonde in his hair seemed as radiant as he ever remembered it. He was surrounded by a flurry of papers and a bevy of textbooks, laptops, pencils and pens. Wash was leaning over a particularly difficult problem, chewing on the end of his pen with his elbow resting on the table so his fingers were carding through his hair. He removed his hand and there was Washington sitting in a glass room with the setting sun falling upon him, hair disarrayed but everything else sharp and focused. Regardless of what happened beyond their exam, this was how Church wanted to remember his friend: helpful, striking, brilliant. He smiled at the sight fondly and after a few additional seconds, he strode back into their shared space.
Having finished their food in an uncharacteristic rush with respect to what limited time they had left before their exam, they were back at it and the green eyed student returned to that feeling of exasperation he had become acquainted with this semester.
“I don’t fucking understand this shit! I don’t get it, I give up, I’m done for the night, I can’t do this any longer.”
Washington sighed, pushing away from the table. He turned to face Church and he wasn’t sure when they began sitting exceedingly close to one another but now wasn’t the time to ponder it.
“Church, listen to me. You’re pretty damn good at this, stop talking yourself down. Each time we’ve worked together, you know what your mistakes have been? Simple algebra! Do you realize what that means? Fundamentally you do understand this. Don’t get caught up in the arithmetic, it’s not what matters here, you know it, I know it, and Professor Delta knows it too. If you didn’t grasp what was going on, you wouldn’t have made it this far. Have some confidence, I wouldn’t want someone who wasn’t sure of themselves building my bridges.”
The engineering student was reclining in his chair, his arms crossed and demeanor as standoffish as ever. “That’s the fucking thing, Wash, I don’t see what any of this has to do with what I want to do with my life. All I’ve learned in this class is that over time, hot air turns into cold air and cold air turns into hot air depending on the environment, and you know, that’s pretty damn intuitive. You know what else I’ve learned? If you a pluck a string, it vibrates. Wow, who would’ve guessed! Fucking awesome shit. So please tell me what I’m missing here!”
Washington was standing in front of him now, looming really, and his hands were gripping the armrests of Church’s chair. “You’re the worst fucking engineer ever. Of all time. Are you seriously telling me you don’t get how math relates to building shit?”
Church was becoming angrier with each added word, leaning into the space between them. His brows were furrowed and his voice was turning more shrill to boot. “That’s not what I’m saying, I’m saying I don’t see how any of this relates to anything!”
Wash was screeching himself now too, “That’s exactly what you’re fucking saying then!”
He closed his eyes and exhaled slowly, his breath tickling Church’s fringe. The olive toned student opened his eyes and they landed directly on Church’s lips. Comprehending now how close they were in proximity and how he was still gripping the other man’s chair, he was acutely aware of a lot of things: the smell of Church’s aftershave, the fire in his eyes, and the hasty way he licked his lips. Washington spoke again, his voice quieter.
“Math is in everything we do, everything we see whether we’re aware of it or not.” He moved one of his hands up to cup Church’s jaw, rubbing his thumb along the fully-formed stubble of Church’s goatee.
“We can use the material from this class to demonstrate the transfer of heat between two objects.” His thumb was now running along Church’s lower lip, gently tugging on it. Church’s eyelids felt heavy and he parted his lips further as Washington drew closer still.
“For example, you know asphalt expands and contracts depending on how strongly the sun strikes it. It’d be useful to attain that information when you’re doing your initial calculations for the street you have to pave.”
Church nodded quietly, his eyes focused on the way Washington’s mouth was forming words.
“Even something as simple as my hand on your cheek, the way the heat flows is fascinating. It’s warmest where my hand is directly resting and it radiates outwards. As my fingers travel so does the heat spread.” His fingers were mimicking his exposition, his thumb dragging away from Church’s lips and the back of his hand gently caressing his cheek.
“Now, things become really interesting when you complicate them. Temperature fluctuations, much like emotions, are fluid, continuous. ‘Heat’ can be defined in several different ways, Church…”
The math student’s voice was a low whisper and at some point, Church had closed his eyes and he felt lips sliding against his own. It was a sweet kiss, tentative and exploring. He kissed back soon after, one of his hands gripping the nape of Wash’s neck. Washington’s hand had gone from caressing him sweetly to tugging his chin upwards to better deepen the kiss. He could see what Washington was trying to get at; he could feel the heat of the kiss blossom between them. The way it pooled in their mouths but spread as soon as there was a warm tongue exploring, distributing the heat wherever it could reach. It was much easier to understand something when putting it into practice after all.
Church’s facial hair was scratchy against his own clean-shaven face but it was no matter. There were countless things he wanted to do in that instant: straddle Church’s lap and show him how heat transfer worked between two bodies, have Church back him up against one of the glass windows and have the other students look on as Church fell to his knees in front of him, and while 90% of his thoughts were about all the great sex they could be having in this room right now, he knew they had to stay focused long enough to get through their final tomorrow morning and then they had all the time in the world to do whatever they pleased with one another.
Cupping Church’s face with both his hands now, pouring all the feelings he could into the kiss, Washington broke away desperately in need of air. His classmate was flushed and chest heaving while his lips were glistening and swollen. This was what Wash wanted to be reminded of when he thought of Church: hardworking, beautiful, his.
He cleared his throat, finding it onerous to pick up where he left off. “My point in all of this… You might think it’s worthless, tedious, whatever adjective you want to use but these formulas, these processes allow us to see behind the curtain. Math is all around us in ways you could never even imagine if we look hard enough and I promise you, you’ll have a use for some of these concepts someday.”
Washington glanced at him and Church nodded along dumbly. “Yeah… I think I see that now. Th–thanks.”
The rest of their night was a horrible failure as far as preparing for their exam went. Washington had eventually gone back to his seat across from Church and what innocently began with Church’s foot accidentally brushing against his leg had turned into the engineering graduate student stroking his leg, his foot going higher and higher until it was fondling Wash’s crotch. In retaliation, Wash did end up straddling Church’s hips. He was able to leave some satisfactory bruises across Church’s collarbone before they had some stern librarians knock on the glass. Washington wanted to wait until after their examination at least but it was apparent neither of them were going to get anything else done tonight, heading back to his place in concession. They spent more time studying each other’s bodies than their forgotten textbooks. And if the next morning they were ten minutes late to their final, well it wasn’t his fault that Church insisted on showering together to supposedly save time and water.
Church barely got a B in the class but it didn’t matter, he fucking passed! His GPA and stipend were safe for now. Washington was an asshole who somehow managed to score an 87 on their final even though they hadn’t slept much the night prior. He complained that was the lowest grade he’d ever gotten.
When they first met, he was sure Washington was just a smarmy little know-it-all incapable of holding a conversation which wasn’t boring as all fuck. Subsequently he became familiar with the guy, mostly against his own will, Wash wouldn’t fucking leave him alone after all. He was glad of the friendship that had developed between them and, astonishingly, looked forward to their late night study sessions which were more about food and conversation than actually revising. Surprisingly came the period of time where Church was worried what he would do if he didn’t have a class with Washington anymore, how he would explain away wanting to see the other man frequently. He’d never considered maybe Washington was worried about the same thing as well. He was happy to know he didn’t have to worry anymore.