Work Text:
Bangchan was alone again. His eyes sore from holding back tears (but a man doesn't cry, does he?), he stared at his cell phone for a few seconds. Of course, it was silent, as usual. Chan pushed it away from him with a sigh.
The day (the week, the months) was long. Very long.
The hours passed, then the days, and he felt himself falling, sinking into a cottony fog that dulled his senses and made him indifferent to everything. Life went by, and he was feeling himself slipping into a dim and bland world. Sleep eluded him. Food had no taste. And his voice and smile were, for lack of other words, neutral.
However, he was living, or surviving, more exactly, in automatic mode. Brain and heart unplugged, without desire, without pleasure, without being an actor of his life.
Sometimes, a friend remembered him and they met, without Chan being invested in the interaction, simply answering what was expected of him. He was hovering over everything, not really settling down, not interested in anything in particular. In the crowded streets, people were passing by him, but he just watched them, a mere observer of the human race. He felt non-existent, invisible, a mere remote-controlled robot in the game of life. He, who had been sociable. He, who had loved to spend time with others, now had no desire for encounters, even though he was in need of human warmth.
He could die for a hug and a smile.
One day, while Bangchan was wandering around like a lost soul, a burning look came over him. He was surprised at first because he was not used to being observed like that, but he turned around to look at the person who was staring at him. With difficulty, he recognized the person concerned.
It was himself, as others must have perceived him. Small, too skinny because he had lost his muscles due to lack of training. He had intense eyes with dark circles betraying sleepless nights, hair a little too long and scruffy clothes. Everything in him screamed despair, and it froze the young man.
Suddenly, his double extended his arm and the boy suddenly fell into unconsciousness.
☆
Warmth.
That's the first word that came to Bangchan's mind as he regainded his consciousness in a soft bed, snuggled under thick blankets.
Chan let out a long sigh of relief, before sitting up in surprise. It was not his bed, nor his room. On top of that, a body was curled up against him.
Where were his dark apartment and his bed that he avoided so much? And most importantly, who was snoring lightly in his ears?
He rose without too much care, drawing the sheets with him. Of course, it woke up the man who had slept next to him.
Bangchan's gaze shifted from the grumbling boy lying on the bed to a picture on the opposite wall.
It was actually a mirror, and it was his reflect. His features seemed to have softened, become fuller, and his still intense eyes stared back at him, but a spark of life shone in them again.
He seemed happy and at peace, the complete opposite of... him.
"Channnn..." whinned the stranger still on the bed "Come back here, I'm cold!"
"I..." began to pronounce Bangchan, totally lost, before being interrupted by his companion who grabbed him by the wrist and made him fall into his arms.
"All is well?" Asked the blond boy who hugged him tightly, placing small kisses along Chan's face and neck, before straightening his adorably freckled face to observe him.
"Where are we?" Bangchan questioned, trying to disengage herself from the stranger's arms despite a certain attraction to the comfort it offered him.
"Home, dear" retorted the still unnamed boy, amused. "Did last night tire you out too much?" he added with a flirty smile.
Chan felt himself blushing, understanding very well what these words implied. This gave him the strength to detach himself from the arms of his seemingly naked boyfriend, so he could stand up before the situation about his groin got out of control.
What was he doing here? With this absolutely unknown and beautiful and intriging boy?
Trying to forget the heat and desire running through his veins, Chan looked at the room for clues to finally understand what was happening to him.
He approached one of the walls covered with photos of himself and the man on the bed. All of theses photos exuded the same scent of happiness.
Bangchan couldn't remember ever seeing such a smile on his face, but the proof was there, in those pictures hanging everywhere.
Deep in thought, he flinched as slender arms embraced him and soft lips brushed against his neck.
"Since you don't seem to want to extend our night in bed," a very deep and sexy voice whispered in his ear. "What do you say about going to the beach?"
Shuddering, voice suddenly cut off, Bangchan could only nod his head in agreement, which made the young man behind him chuckles.
He let go of him to pack their beach stuff and Chan watched him as he threw some towels, creams, into a bag that was lying at his feet. Both of them finally dressed, the boy took his hand and led him out of the house which seemed very cosy.
Without realizing it, Bangchan eventually relaxed during the day he spent with Felix (yes, he had finally learned his name), and even found himself bursting into laughter as he ran into the sand to grab Felix and throw him into the water.
The shadows that haunted Chan seemed to disappear under the effect of the sun and the warmth of his companion. At first recalcitrant, Chan decided to let go.
He still didn't understand. He was still lost, but Felix's eyes seemed to speak to him. It seemed to tell him that he was beautiful and important, and for once Chan wanted to believe it.
Once again lost in his thoughts, Bangchan paid no attention as he ran away from the young blond man with freckled cheeks who followed him laughing, and he fell into the sand.
A warm body was pressed against him a few seconds later.
"Gotcha" Felix whispered close to Chan's lips as their eyes met. Then Felix gave a small smile where all the light of the world shone, and crossed the few millimeters that separated them to kiss him lasciviously.
At first surprised, Chan let go and returned the kiss to "his" boyfriend.
That was it. That was what the young man was looking for. This love, this feeling of being complete, of giving as well as receiving, of sharing. These feelings that flickered in the belly and made the eyes light up just by looking at the face of the loved and loving one.
The kiss deepened slowly but surely, and Bangchan's body began to burn for this boy who was still unknown to him but who had managed to tame him in such a short time.
The sun's rays lit up Felix's blond hair, giving him the halo of an angel, and his golden skin was so soft to the touch... To be honest, he was beautiful. Probably the most beautiful and shinny man Bangchan ever met.
Felix's gestures became more bold as he moved his hands up Chan's body whose fingers were running along the curves of the boy who was sitting on his pelvis.
Suddenly, Felix's belly rumbled and Chan burst out in a frank laugh while the embarrassed and amused poor boy hide his face in Chan's neck.
"Don't make fun of me... You have to feed me as an excuse" Felix suddenly exclaimed as he straightened his head with a big smile, proud of his idea.
Of course, Chan agreed, wishing to give back at least some of the happiness his companion had offered him.
It had nothing to do with the fact that Chan was already purely under the spell of this charming boy. Of course it didn't.
The two eventually returned home, hand in hand, and for the first time in ages, Chan was happy.
He still didn't know why he was there, or if he deserved it, but he was enjoying it. They started to cook, bickering gently, Chan regaining his youthful soul. Soon many dishes adorned the table.
While chatting and setting the table (totally domestic, if you want Chan's opinion), Bangchan took a look at the garden to see the bird singing outside.
That's when he met the gaze of his own reflection in the window. His eyes widened and he looked at Felix, full of dread as his hand clutched the confused young man's.
"It's my old self... Don't leave me... Felix, please hold me back...!"
But it was no use, he had been called, and he sank into total unconsciousness.
☆
When Bangchan woke up, he found himself in his dark and cold room, his stomach famished, and his mind in total despair. All warmth had left him again and the loss seemed even greater after having known so much happiness.
The next few days were abominable and Chan fell into depression again.
Everything that had been given to him and taken away from him had again ripped the heart from Chan, who missed Felix cruelly after only one day together. The boy was too bright to be forgotten.
But little by little, Chan realized that he had been given a gift.
A force was driving him, and soon the spark that lit up in his eyes only when he thought of Felix grew larger and eventually stayed there permanently.
Without realizing it, he opened up to others again, talking to people, taking control of his life.
One day, he decided to decorate his apartment to make it more comfortable, and it was while he was climbing the stairs of his building carrying boxes that he heard a deep, familiar voice behind his back.
Shaking slightly, Bangchan very slowly put his packages on the floor and turned around to see the owner of the voice he was still dreaming about.
"Oy mate, I'm Felix, the new occupant of apartment 3C! Need help carrying all this stuff?"