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"The little mermaid walked, and every step she took felt like walking on sharp knives. But had she been with the Dark ones, someone else would’ve felt her pain." (Day Watch, Lukyanenko)"
"What did you expect?" I’ve heard Svetlana hiss at Anton. "Gesar brought us here like horses for breeding. Or is your precious Boris Ignatyevich asking for too much of you?"
"You know just as well as I do why this is a very bad idea!" Gorodetsky looked down in shame.
"Well, sorry for not being your precious Kostic." Despite being a Light Sorceress, Svetlana could be nasty at times. Later she’ll have to be watched in case she sticks another inferno portal above herself in a bout of self-hate. Last time it was Anton who managed to diffuse the terrible curse, by being compassionate, a good listener- a perfect friend.
I remember being sent in first that day, ordered to seduce her, but it only made matters worse. Then Gesar decided to try the old cliché of gay best friend and sent Anton. Honest, open, loyal Anton. It worked, opening a highly probable line for a Great Sorceress being recruited, and probably some other advantages only the higher ranks know of.
This time, from what I’ve gathered from the hissing argument, they were expected to procreate. Svetlana, as angry as any self-respecting woman would be in such a situation, and Anton Gorodetski, who was as much of a straight as Zavulon was a light-guided kitten-healing vet. The self-hate of the two, the pain they were in, was terrible, mixed in with the impressive hangover Anton had. The poor soul tried to get drunk enough to get it up for Svetlana but failed miserably.
It was just like the period when I worked in a mental asylum - pure madness, people turning against themselves in acts of desperation. The expected child was meant to serve the Light, but I’ve seen Light mages choose death and the Twilight over causing such pain. Besides, even if Svetlana was barely new to the ranks, Anton was an old friend, a person too good for the watch. He would’ve been better undetected, drinking occasionally to mute the shadows that he believed belonged only to his own feverish mind. But here he was, and I just had to help.
"That’s enough, both of you." I stepped between them. "First of all, you’ll wake the others, and some people here are too young for what needs to be done. And second- follow me."
I’ve led them to one of the unoccupied bedrooms, which was initially assigned to two other lovely people who currently slept off a night in my company in another place. Then I took a deep breath and asked:
"What I’m about to offer you is terrible. It’s a way to fulfill your duty without anger, without pain, and without your consent."
"What would it cost you?" Anton looked at me, relieved and disgusted at the same time.
"I hope Twilight won’t take me for this, nor would the Inquisition. And I hope one day you’ll forgive me."
"What kind of Light is it that hurts so much?" Svetlana muttered.
"The one where we only hurt ourselves, so others may suffer less." I replied.
"Ignat…" Anton didn’t thank me. There was no place for gratitude.
"Light help me…" With this, I reached for all my reserves, for my nature as an Incubus, and let it take over. The only way to soften the blow was to reach into their minds, to bring forth that evening of compassion, and to use that little kindness as stocking for a pyre of lust.
***
I survived that day, and Geser said that what I did was impressive and honorable, but none of it compared to the relief from seeing the cloud of terror lifting from Anton, the joy that Svetlana felt as she felt her daughter kick… or the most non-light glee I felt when Olga broke up with Geser. Men who treat others like that don’t deserve love.
For a hundredth time,
Came the winter cold.
I’ve ascended to
The icy throne of love.
There I’ve frozen stiff
Lacking any strength
Why did you demand
That I love you again…
(Nepogoda, Pugacheva).