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Skulduggery Pleasant was a detective.
His official job title was junior police officer, meaning he was little more than an assistant. He followed orders, he did the dirty work, and he had to try extra hard to prove himself. He very much hoped someone would come up with a more specific name for his job soon. The 1500s were drawing to a close, and so he felt the term could be modernised. He was tired of having to explain exactly what he did for a living every time someone asked about his job.
It was Skulduggery’s newest task that led him to a woman named China Sorrows. According to one of his sources, she was linked to a stolen book. Skulduggery wasn’t sure whether she’d taken it herself, or whether she knew who had, but apparently she heard things. He'd been discussing the case with her in writing for a few weeks, and they'd arranged for him to finally meet her at her house in Dublin. It was astonishingly close to his own address. He was slightly nervous, as no one else assigned to the case had wanted to talk to her. One of his colleagues had told him to “be careful”, but refused to elaborate.
Suffice to say, he was apprehensive as he knocked on the door to her house, which wasn’t helped by the sight of an impossibly large, strong-looking man as the door was opened. Skulduggery cleared his throat.
“Hello. I’m Skulduggery Pleasant. I’m here to talk to China Sorrows. Is she here?”
The man’s expression, which had been decidedly neutral up until that point, changed. He was suspicious.
“Why do you want to talk to her?” He asked. His voice was very deep. It suited him.
“I’m a police officer. I solve crimes. I’m interviewing her for a case.”
His eyes narrowed. He opened his mouth (probably to turn him away), when the most beautiful woman Skulduggery had ever seen appeared at the door. She gave him a dazzling smile, before turning to the other man.
"This is the man I've been writing to. Can you please stop intimidating him?" She said. The man said something in response, but Skulduggery didn't hear him. He was too focused on this woman, this goddess. She must have been China Sorrows. He didn't understand why none of his colleagues had wanted to come and talk to her, however he wasn't complaining. Their reluctance had meant he'd gotten the opportunity to meet her, after all. It meant he'd be able to talk to her about…
Wait. What had he wanted to talk to her about?
He frowned. She was a suspect. At the very least, she had information.
He drew his eyes upwards. Both of them were looking at him expectantly. He met China's eyes and saw surprise on her pretty features, but felt himself getting distracted again and looked away. He was staring at the wall when he heard laughter.
"You know, you did quite admirably for your first time," He heard her say. "You still behaved predictably, and made quite a fool of yourself, but you managed to pull through."
Skulduggery blushed. He wanted to look at her again, but decided it was probably a bad idea, so he glared at the door frame instead and hoped it made an impression.
"Like I said, I'm here to discuss a case with China Sorrows. I'm assuming that's you?" he said, allowing himself a glance at her before looking away again. She gave a tinkling laugh that made Skulduggery dizzy.
"Yes, that's me. Shall we take a walk and talk about it?"
The other man started to protest, but China looked at him and raised her eyebrows.
"Hush. I'll be back soon. Now, shall we?" she said, holding out her hand to Skulduggery. He swallowed hard and took it. They walked down the street in silence, with Skulduggery risking glances at China whenever he thought she wasn't looking.
Eventually, she sighed.
"You know, you seemed much more interesting in your letters. I had hoped you'd be different."
"Well, it's not exactly my fault." Skulduggery muttered. "Is there any way you can turn that off?"
She shook her head.
"Sadly, no. It's more of a curse than a blessing really, but it has its upsides." She said, smiling at a man they passed on the street who gaped and wordlessly handed her the pastry he was holding. "Want some?"
Skulduggery shook his head. China shrugged, taking a bite. They walked in silence again, while China continued eating. When she was done, she raised her eyebrows and looked at Skulduggery.
"Weren't we supposed to be discussing the case?"
He blushed. "I- right. The book stolen was called Adventures and Studies in Symbols and Sigils. It contained information on magical languages and sigils, which I'm told is your speciality. Written by Eochaid Notitia and published in 1584. Have you heard anything about it?"
He was good at interrogating people under normal circumstances, but he knew he'd be useless when questioning her. He hoped she'd confess immediately if she had taken the book.
Almost as if she'd read his mind, she replied. "I didn't steal it, if that's what you're wondering. If I want something, all I have to do is ask nicely. Whoever owns it is more than likely to give it to me. "
That was true.
“Do you have any idea who did take it?”
She pondered this for a moment.
“A man recently tried to sell me a copy, however I only caught his first name. He told me he was called Diarmait.”
“What did he look like?”
“I’m afraid I can’t recall. He was wearing the most distracting cloak, with a hood over his head.”
Skulduggery opened his mouth to ask more questions, but then he noticed how enchanting she was again and felt too spellbound to speak.
China noticed this and rolled her eyes.
“I feel it would be more productive to continue discussing this in writing.” She murmured, and began to turn back.
“Wait- at least let me walk you home.”
China sighed.
“If you must.”
And with that she hooked her arm through his, and they walked back together. China continued talking, and Skulduggery thought he did admirably well in his attempts to keep up. Finally, they reached China’s house again.
They turned to each other. Skulduggery met her eyes and waited for her to talk. She sighed once again.
“I sincerely hope this effect wears off soon.” She muttered, before leaning in and kissing him on the cheek.
“Goodbye, Skulduggery. I’ll write to you again soon.” She said softly, before opening the door and walking into her house.
Skulduggery stood there for a second, staring after her, before shaking his head violently to clear it. He was slightly confused about what had just happened, but knew he had to see her again soon. He walked to the end of her drive, and turned around to look at the house for a final time.
Cursing himself for not heeding his colleagues’ warnings, he began the short walk home.