Work Text:
The first thing Blaine thinks when he wakes up is that Kurt’s body feels very nice pressed up against his.
The second is that his head feels like it’s going to implode. He curls into himself and moans loudly.
“Fuck,” Kurt groans and Blaine wants to apologize if he woke him, but he can’t seem to form the words. “Is this what dying feels like?”
“Mmmph. Dying, hangover, same thing.”
Kurt groans again and Blaine cracks his eyes open in time to see Kurt covering his face with his hands. “Too bright, ugh.”
Suddenly, Kurt sits straight up, the motion jostling the bed slightly. Blaine whines, but Kurt doesn’t pay attention to him. “Blaine, I can’t remember what happened last night.”
Everything in his mind is foggy, so it takes Blaine several painful moments to realize that he doesn’t remember either. “Um, we were drunk?” he offers.
“What if I got another misspelled tattoo? Oh god, Blaine, what if we got married?” Kurt’s voice starts to turn hysterical. “We won’t get to have the wedding of our dreams and my dad won’t get to see me get married and oh my god this is terrible!”
Blaine forces himself to sit up (which only makes his head feel worse) and puts a hand on Kurt’s shoulder, half to comfort Kurt and half to steady himself. “Hey, Kurt, it’s okay. We’ll figure it out. We can get married again!” That actually sounds like an amazing plan, Blaine thinks, and his eyes light up. “Wouldn’t that be awesome? We’d be, like, double married!”
“I don’t think that’s how it works, honey,” Kurt mutters, but he strokes Blaine’s fingers with his own anyway and that feels so nice that Blaine can forgive Kurt for crushing his dreams. “I’m gonna get up and make sure we didn’t get married, okay?”
Blaine moans when Kurt moves away from him and pulls the covers closer around his body. He fixes his eyes on Kurt’s ass as he bends over to pick his pants up off the floor and check the pockets. Maybe it’s not so bad that Kurt left the bed after all…
“No license here.”
Kurt shuffles over to pick up the next piece of clothing when Blaine catches a quick glimpse of sparkle.
“Uh, Kurt? Why is your dick shiny?”
His back still mostly to Blaine, Kurt looks down at himself. “What the fuck!” He spins around and faces Blaine with wide eyes, his hands covering his dick. “I don’t even know who I am anymore,” Kurt whispers.
Blaine frowns. Kurt would have noticed some pain before if he’d gotten some sort of piercing down there, he’s pretty sure, but then again, he can’t imagine anything else that could make Kurt react so strongly. Maybe Kurt did get a piercing and didn’t notice anything before. Actually, if he’s being totally honest with himself, he actually thinks that idea is kind of hot…
“I’m sure it can’t be that bad, Kurt. Besides,” he adds, lowering his voice, “a cock piercing will probably end up being pretty fun for me.”
“I didn’t get a cock piercing! It’s even worse!”
“Is it a dick tattoo?” Blaine squints at Kurt’s hands as though it might help him see what they’re hiding. “I’ll still love you whatever it is, Kurt, you know that.”
“I know, but you’ll judge the hell out of me.”
Blaine laughs and ducks his head. “I’ll try not to?”
Kurt sighs. “Okay, here goes nothing.” He lifts his hands.
The patch of hair that usually sits above his cock is gone, and in its place is an outline of a red rose made of small, glittering dots.
“I’ve been pejazzled.”
Blaine tries to bite his knuckle to keep from laughing, but it’s no use. “Pej… Pejazzled!”
Kurt’s face turns bright red, but soon he starts laughing too. He recovers quicker than Blaine, though, and gets a wicked look in his eye.
“Let’s see if you have a matching one.”
After a few calming breaths, Blaine obediently lifts up the covers to check his own groin. He drops them almost immediately and stares at Kurt with a look of mild horror. Kurt giggles a few times, but when Blaine’s expression only grows more worried, he stops.
“Oh god, you didn’t get a tattoo there instead, did you?”
“No! But it’s, um…”
Slowly, Blaine pulls the blanket down until the skin above his cock is exposed. Sparkling there are the words TALK BIRDY TO ME.
Kurt sits down on the side of the bed to get a better look, and his eyes go wide when he takes in what’s written on Blaine’s skin. He looks like he’s about to laugh, and Blaine tugs the covers back over himself.
“I’ll go take it off right now if you want, Kurt,” he mutters, not meeting his eye.
“It’s fine, sweetie. It’ll come off soon anyway.” Kurt runs his hand comfortingly along Blaine’s arm, and Blaine whines a little and leans into it. “Besides, it’s very you,” he adds with a sly grin.
Blaine rolls his eyes fondly. After a moment of enjoying Kurt’s hand stroking his arm, he decides to return the favor. He reaches out to touch the little gems above Kurt’s cock and runs his fingers over them and the smooth skin around them. Kurt gasps and shifts a little, moving into Blaine’s touch. Blaine keeps tracing random patterns over the skin, carefully avoiding Kurt’s cock, although that doesn’t stop it from starting to flush and harden slightly. Something feels a little strange about the skin on either side of the rose, though, and Blaine frowns.
“I think you might have had some leaves or something and they fell off. There’s still some glue…”
Kurt rubs the other side and sighs. “They probably came off while we were sleeping. We should check the sheets.”
He stands and helps Blaine push the covers to the end of the bed. Suddenly, Kurt stops and stares at Blaine’s ass, then bursts into laughter.
“What’s so funny?”
Kurt grabs his phone from the end table and snaps a picture. Still giggling helplessly, he hands Blaine the phone.
On the screen is a picture of Blaine’s bare ass. High on each cheek, there are matching sets of gems in the shape of leaves. He drops the phone and starts giggling too.
“Well,” he chokes out, “I think we know exactly what happened last night.”