Archive of Our Own

Feeling the early rays of sun poking through the curtains, hitting him directly in his eyes, Seonghwa stirred. He knew it was still quite early, maybe if he was able, he could rest some more before he could start his morning routine. 

Wake up, feed and change the baby, shower, change Wooyoung if needed, prepare breakfast, brush his teeth, prepare lunches, kiss his husband at the door and wave his children off.

His mornings were always like this, and it only grew when Hongjoong had delivered their youngest, by then was only a few months old. Although yes, Hongjoong technically did carry and birth all of their children over the time of their marriage, he was a successful music producer and absolutely loved his job. Seonghwa would hate to take that away from him. So he had decided he would be the stay at home parent so his husband could continue what he loved.

It was a sacrifice he happily made as Seonghwa adored taking care of all of their children.

… Even the chaotic ones.

“Mama!”

Even Wooyoung.

Maybe if he pretended to stay asleep, Wooyoung would leave the room and he could get that blissful couple of minutes of rest before Jongho would wake for his morning bottle.

A harsh tug at his hair from tiny hands had him raising his head from his pillow

“Mama! Up!” Exclaimed the two year old. How does he even manage to climb the bars of his crib? Well, guess he and Hongjoong should start looking into changing Wooyoung from that to a bed, since these days the bars never seem to be an obstacle for him. It also meant moving him from the nursery room, something that had his heart shattering at just the idea.

The yelling from their toddler had his husband stirring, so to keep Wooyoung from waking Hongjoong up he was already up on his feet, carrying the child out of their room and downstairs so he could have him watch a little bit of cartoons while he prepared Jongho’s bottle.

He never really liked having his children watching too much television, but there were times cartoons were a saint because it could distract the little ones long enough for Seonghwa to have some time to get things done that desperately needed it

The toddler, now mesmerized by the bright colors on the TV remained on his spot, eyes round as he watched the different colors on the screen sat on the ground, so Seonghwa headed for the kitchen. Body on autopilot he reached for the cabinet, gripping onto one of the many baby bottles they had. Some were from when the others were tiny, others were gifted by family members during Hongjoong’s babyshower. Then there were a few Seonghwa couldn’t help but buy them.

Yeah, they may have overprepared for Jongho’s arrival, but the couple had decided he would be their last baby (even if Wooyoung was supposed to be the last one), so needless to say he was a little spoiled. 

Filling the bottle up with the correct amount of water, he grabbed the tub of formula. They used to do breastfeeding way back when Yunho was just a baby, but with Hongjoong being the usual breadwinner he was often out most hours of the day, sometimes not even coming home until the following morning being so stuck up in his studio that they both agreed that formula feeding was the better option. He grabbed the nipple he left on the counter and placed it on the top, securing it in place and gently shook the bottle to mix the formula powder and water together, then setting it into the bottle warmer.

Just as he heard the ding from the machine, right on schedule he could hear the faint crying coming from upstairs. He knew their baby monitor would eventually wake Hongjoong if he didn’t tend to Jongho so before he could even test the formula to make sure it wasn’t too hot, Seonghwa was dashing upstairs, into the nursery room. Next to Wooyoung’s crib was an identical one, and inside was a very fussy and very hungry two month old.

Softly cooing as he lifted him up, Seonghwa sat in the rocking chair, already situating Jongho in one arm, while the other he was testing the formula to make sure it wouldn’t be too hot for him. Once confirming it was safe for Jongho, he positioned the bottle so it’s nipple pressed to his lips. Watching him latch on so easily, Seongjwa smiled.

Jongho surely was a hefty baby, so he often finished his bottles a little quicker than the others did when they were bottle fed, the milk was gone in no time. He pulled the bottle away when there was nothing left and rested Jongho against his shoulder, hand rubbing and patting his back, getting him to burp. After he would carry Jongho to the changing station, stripping him out of his onesie, and changing him before putting him in a clean outfit (which was just another onesie) , then letting him back into his crib to sleep some more.

He playfully poked Jongho’s nose, causing the baby to giggle and in result had Seonghwa giggling himself before leaving the nursery. Now that was done, time for his shower.

And from the faint rustling noises coming from the other rooms, he had to make it a quick one. Stripping out of his clothes, he hopped into the hot shower and allowed the water to wet his hair, then washed it and his body before rinsing it and jumping out. A quick in and out shower, one he’s perfected over the years of being a stay at home parent. He dried his body and hair, wrapping the towel around his waist and stepped out the bathroom and to his bedroom. 

Just as he got dressed and left, he saw their oldest Yunho with the cutest bed hair that had Seonghwa covering his mouth to hide his smile, holding hands with Mingi who had equally cute bedhead. He followed the two down the stairs, patting both of their heads when they had gotten to the first floor, both as a good morning and to flatten their hair out a little. Both ran straight to the television when they saw it was on and joined their little brother to entertain themselves.

Just before he could start on breakfast Seonghwa would pull Wooyoung to his feet and felt his bottom to make sure if he needed a changing or not. Deciding he didn’t need one just yet, he let him plop back on the floor while he finally went to the kitchen to start breakfast, while also brewing coffee for Hongjoong and added water into his electric kettle for his morning tea. As the stove was heating up, he heard the little pitter patters of feet going down the stairs, signaling that the rest of the children were waking up and going to the living room to wait for food

As he was flipping the eggs, he felt slender arms around his waist, and he could only guess who it was, a small ‘good morning’ being heard and a kiss to his shoulder blade before Hongjoong was moving to sit at the table. Seonghwa grabbed one of Hongjoong’s favorite mugs to pour some coffee into and set it on the table for him before he was finishing up breakfast, making sure to plate his husband’s breakfast before plating their childrens’ before his own.

The announcement of breakfast had a small stampede of children come barreling in the kitchen, alongside Wooyoung’s waddles as he tried keeping up. He’d pick him up, having him sit in his high chair and sitting next to him so he could join his family for breakfast. Not many words were exchanged, as pretty much everyone at the table was still in the process of waking up.

But Wooyoung gave his babbling input as his hands smacked against the table, before he was shoving his plate away which signaled he was finished. Seonghwa paused his breakfast in order to wipe the two year old’s mouth and pulled him out of his seat and onto his lap instead after cleaning the small mess of eggs from the ground. As breakfast was finishing up, Seonghwa had let Wooyoung to the ground, meanwhile he remained in the kitchen to clean the mess from the children.

He went to the sink to start washing the dishes, as unwashed ones had always been a pet peeve of his, Seonghwa’s head turned to his husband as he remained at the table, coffee cup in his hand to finish before he would start his own routine. Seonghwa did notice that Hongjoong seemed a little quiet, he always did try to interact with the children during breakfast, both to help wake and energize them and due to the fact he probably wouldn’t see any of them until late at night, or on some nights not even at all. He wanted to interact with them as much as he could.

Maybe Hongjoong was a little more exhausted than usual. He did come home late the previous night, so he decided to push the intruding thoughts to. the side before he could start to assume. Wiping his hands from the sudsy water, he went over and bent down, his arms wrapping around Hongjoong’s shoulders and kissing the side of his head. “When you go upstairs and shower, bring Jongie down here when you’re done? I’m sure he’s awake again and ready for his day.” Being given a nod, Seonghwa had pulled his arms away, taking the now empty coffee cup and watched his lover leaving the kitchen without another word.

Just as he was leaving the kitchen, looked to the couch where his two year old was, back on the floor with eyes glued to the cartoons. Sitting on the couch after rinsing Hongjoong’s cup out, Wooyoung took his spot in his lap instead and curled into him which had a big smile on his face, reaching a hand to run his fingers through his hair. “You know baby,” Seonghwa started up, gaining his son’s attention, “Your brothers’ Christmas breaks will be starting this Friday, so it’ll be the seven of us until Mama is able to take his break. We’ll finally get to spend time together.”

The loud gasp coming from the toddler had him snorting, which only grew as he practically jumped off his lap and ran to the stairs, yelling ‘Sannie’ multiple times. Wooyoung loved his brothers dearly, but San was always his favorite, and if he couldn’t cling to his parents he would to him. As Wooyoung reached the bottom of the steps Hongjoong had just reached them as well, carrying a very awake looking baby, who was grasping his mother’s shirt.

“Papa!” Wooyoung screamed, gripping at Hongjoong’s pant legs. For a split second he was sure he saw a flash of hurt on Hongjoong’s face but it was quickly wiped off. Instead he smiled and reached down with one hand to hoist Wooyoung up and perched him on his hip. The toddler squeaking and wrapped his tiny arms around Hongjoong’s neck as he was carried over.

Seonghwa stood from the couch while Hongjoong was now busy with their littlest ones and went to the kitchen to quickly pack lunches when he heard a rush of feet down the stairs.

“Don’t run! You’ll trip!” Seonghwa scolded, San ran into the kitchen and placed his small hands on the countertop, most likely on his tiptoes in order to look over it, only just barely able to accomplish that.

“Papa! Can you cut my sandwich to look like a cat?!” San’s love for anything cat themed was honestly quite adorable, Seonghwa could never tell him no.

“I’ll try kitten.” He assured, making San squeal and even giggle at the use of his little nickname given from said love of cat themed items he ran to go grab his shoes. Making each sandwich the way each child loved, Yunho with turkey and white cheese, Yeosang with ham and yellow cheese, San with peanut butter and grape jelly and lastly, Mingi with peanut butter and strawberry jelly. He never knew why the four year old was so adamant on strawberry, but as long as his babies were eating, Seonghwa didn’t mind spending a couple more dollars on another jar of jelly.

Working on cutting the sandwich in the way San had requested, he felt a tug to his pants and when looking down, he saw Yeosang looking up to him. Greeting the child, he set the knife away enough so no one but him could get, and stepped back to crouch in front of him.

“Can I stay home today?” Questioned Yeosang in his usual soft toned voice, and it really did tug at his heartstrings knowing the reasoning he was even asking him this in the first place.

Yeosang was more soft spoken compared to his brothers, oftentimes it led to some classmates of his teasing him, making fun of the little things about him such as his shyness, or even the birthmark on his eye (Seriously, how cruel could children be picking on him for that? Seonghwa absolutely adored his birthmark, as he adored many things about his child) .

He wished he could say yes, to just let Yeosang stay home with him all day with Wooyoung and Jongho. But unfortunately it wasn’t that simple. He pushed back his bangs, leaning over and kissing his son’s forehead.

“Aw, baby I wish you could. But I promise Christmas break is just around the corner, then you can stay home all day. You can get through the week can’t you?”

He saw how the seven year old was really thinking about his question, but in the end just nodded and latched onto Seonghwa’s neck in a hug. He wrapped his own arms tightly around Yeosang’s small body to return it, before pulling away and got back on his feet to finish their lunches.

Packing sandwiches into each child’s respective lunchbox, he opened the fridge to grab some grapes to put into each box, even adding a couple more as an added treat into Yeosang’s, of course small bottles of water and lastly some veggie chips placed on top in small containers before zipping them all up. Stacking them, he came out of the kitchen just in time. 

The four came running, grabbing their boxes and a quick ‘thanks!’ coming from them.

Stopping them before any of the children could run to Hongjoong’s car, he’d kiss them all on the foreheads, and lastly Hongjoong on the lips.

“Have a good day at work honey.” Seonghwa cupped his cheek, thumb brushing over the younger’s cheek before turning to the children, ignoring the playful gagging coming from Yunho, as well as San’s pretending to vomit.

“Be safe you all, and have fun at school!” Opening the door as he spoke, three of the four children had ran straight to Hongjoong’s car, but Seonghwa’s eyes went to Yeosang, who seemed hesitant to leave.

Hongjoong seemed to notice this too, so he grabbed Yeosang’s tiny hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. The two shared a gaze, and suddenly Yeosang was smiling to Hongjoong, stepping outside with his mother. 

Shutting the door after Hongjoong drove off, he leaned against it and puffed out his cheeks.

“Alright, time to get this house cleaned.”

One of the few things he enjoyed to do when it was just himself and the two youngest was picking up around the house. Even when the rest of the family turned the place upside down when returning. It was peaceful.

At least when he didn’t have Wooyoung latched to his leg, holding him back. Quite literally.

“Mama!” Yelled Wooyoung as Seonghwa was dragging him along, bending down to pick up Wooyoung’s blocks to put them back into the bin (though he knew when he turned around Wooyoung would pull them back out. He was the worst when it came to messes) .

“Play in snow! Please?!”

Seonghwa just had to open the curtains to let in some natural light as he was cleaning, which had revealed their backyard slowly being covered white from the snowfall. 

Stopping in his steps, Seonghwa looked to his feet, seeing the wide puppy eyes Wooyoung was giving him. The same look all his children gave him when they wanted something, because it always worked.

Not this time.

Gently maneuvering Wooyoung’s arms off his leg, he crouched in front of him.

“Youngie, I already told you, let’s wait until this weekend. That way you can play with your brothers, Mama even if he can be home.”

Hongjoong promised him he’d try and be home this weekend as it would be the start of Christmas break, plus Seonghwa promised the little ones they could put up decorations. He didn’t want Hongjoong to miss out on decorating the living room. Seonghwa even bought a mistletoe for this year!

Wooyoung let out whines, even kicking out his tiny feet when Seonghwa wasn’t budging. But his tantrum was short-lived as he found something else to keep him distracted, at least until it grew close to his and Jongho’s naptimes.

Jongho was easy to put down. He always was, after being rocked he was out like a light. Wooyoung on the other hand wasn’t as simple. He liked being cuddled and held while he tried fighting his eyelids growing heavy.

He also only liked a specific song, Be with you , sung only by Seonghwa. Hongjoong tried to sing the same song to him in the past but it never worked as effectively, in the end Hongjoong asking him to come into the nursery to help him.

Sitting in the rocking chair, Wooyoung laid in his arms as they were being rocked gently back and forth thanks to Seonghwa’s feet pushing against the ground. One arm secured underneath Wooyoung, his other hand slowly running it’s fingers through his delicate hair.

“Cold snowflakes, withered down. Until you bloom as a spring flower.”

Seonghwa saw his eyes starting to droop, knowing it wasn’t going to be long until he’d finally be asleep, he would keep singing to his son.

“I'll be with you. With you, with you, with you.” 

Wooyoung’s eyes finally shut, the hand weakly grasping onto Seonghwa’s shirt fell over his torso. He sang a little longer until he was certain that Wooyoung was not going to wake up. Getting up from the rocking chair he would lay Wooyoung into his crib, securing the bars so he wouldn’t fall before leaving the nursery and kept the door cracked just in case.

Now he had some time to himself for the next few hours. Checking the time on his phone he saw it was nearing Hongjoong’s lunch time, which meant he would most likely call soon. Not wanting to disturb the babies, he would go down into the living room. He sat down, lifting up his feet to rest against the coffee table and let out a quiet sigh.

The moment of peace didn’t last long, as his phone expectantly vibrated in his hand with an upcoming call. Eager, he answered it after three rings.

“Hi honey.” Seonghwa leaned back into the couch as he was the first to speak.

“Hi baby, miss me?”

Seonghwa could hear the playfulness etched into Hongjoong’s voice, rolling his eyes.

“Of course, I always miss you, how’s work?”

“Tiring and stressful as usual.”

Seonghwa could tell, he heard the exhaustion deep in Hongjoong’s voice but he didn’t mention that, knowing all he would receive in the end was ‘I’m fine, you don’t need to worry too much about me.’ That would just make him worry more.

“Don’t overwork yourself, and please try to come home tonight.” Seonghwa had gone to stand, now with the babies sleeping, he could work on making himself a quick meal without any interruptions, so into the kitchen he went.

“The kids would like to have dinner with their mother for once.”

Hongjoong laughed but it sounded more forced than natural. He grabbed one of the ramen packages they had, not the greatest lunch but it was quick and easy.

“I’ll try, no promises though. If I want this weekend off I need to finish this sample and get it sent to my manager to see if he approves of it or not.”

Seonghwa let Hongjoong talk, meanwhile he filled the pot with water and set it on the stove to heat up, keeping his phone in between his ear and shoulder so both of his hands were available. 

“I hope you can get everything done then. The kids and I are really excited to decorate with you.. It’ll be our first Christmas with Jongho, I want it to be special and with both of his parents, even if he won’t remember.”

“Again, no promises.” One he wasn’t sure if Hongjoong planned to keep. It happened the previous year. Seonghwa heard a faint knock on Hongjoong’s end, then an unfamiliar voice speaking to his husband.

“I’m sorry, but I have to go Seonghwa, I’ll see you tonight, okay?”

Seonghwa was about to say okay, and that he loved him but Hongjoong hung up the phone before he could, leaving him alone in the kitchen pouting.

Well, that was rude. He set his phone to the side, now just a little annoyed over Hongjoong.

A few hours after he ate his ramen, Wooyoung was first to wake up. Not one bit surprising. He picked him up and brought him to the kitchen, to his high chair where he could sit while Seonghwa was preparing him lunch. Nothing extravagant, some apple cubes (for a two year old, he was quite picky on how his apples were cut. But as long as he ate them, Seonghwa would cut them in any shape he desired) along with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich cut into small triangles, and filled one of his sippy cups with milk.

He set the plate and cup in front of Wooyoung so he could eat, and went back upstairs knowing Jongho would wake up soon as well. 

Right on the dot he was. As he was coming into the nursery, Jongho was waking up, the cutest little yawn coming from him that Seonghwa wanted to cry over. Softly picking him up and Patting down the tiny tuffs of black hair down, he carried him back downstairs to sit at the table, scrolling through his phone as he waited for the bottle he prepared to warm up.

It wouldn’t be long until Mingi’s preschool class would be over, so once he finished feeding Jongho and changing the two of them, he’d dress them and drive over. With his hands occupied with the baby, he could only watch in horror as Wooyoung decided it was a good idea to pull apart one of the triangle sandwiches, smearing the jelly and peanut butter all over the highchair table before squishing the bread with his hands instead and smashing everything to his mouth, now getting himself all sticky and disgusting.

Oh, the joys of parenthood. He set the bottle to the side, gently bouncing Jongho who was growing fussy from his lunch getting cut short while Seonghwa did the best he could to wipe Wooyoung off one handed. 

“Honestly Youngie, you’re such a filthy little baby.”

All he got in response was a loud giggle. He rolled his eyes, helping Wooyoung out of his highchair as the toddler proclaimed he was done, so he let him play with toys while he’d finish feeding Jongho before he could start crying at the top of his lungs.

Mingi ran out of his classroom excitedly upon seeing his father standing in the hall, one hand holding a jumpy Wooyoung, the toddler excited to see one of his brothers, the older gently resting against Jongho’s back, who had been placed in a baby sling so he was snug and secure against Seonghwa’s chest.

“Hi baby, how was school?” Seonghwa used his free hand to ruffle Mingi’s hair, whines erupting from the child which caused him to just keep doing it until his hand was shoved away.

“It was good! Look, I drew our family!” Mingi dropped his backpack on the floor after he pulled from Seonghwa’s hug, unzipping it and pulled out a semi crumpled piece of paper. Seonghwa took the drawing from him to give it a good look. Sure enough he grew his family. Five figures stood together, the tallest being marked as himself, Mingi’s stick figure was next to him, and next to him was Yunho, then San with Wooyoung next to him, and then Yeosang. There was even an attempt at a drawing of a bassinet, marked ‘Jongho’s sleeping in here’.

But, next to the bassinet, there was a line separating them all, and on the other side was another stick figure. 

“Baby, who this all alone?” Seonghwa turned the paper so that Mingi could see who he was referencing to.

“It’s Mama! He’s at work, see?” Mingi took the drawing from him, and pointed to the box drawn it. “That’s Mama’s computer!”

Seonghwa had to fight the urge to just blow up then and there. Mingi drew Hongjoong at work, rather than with his own family. Not wanting to crush the child’s high spirits, he forced a smile on his face.

“Well, it’s beautiful baby, we can hang it up on the fridge for everyone to see.”

Maybe if Hongjoong saw it, he’d spend more time at home, and in Mingi’s next drawing he’d be drawn with the rest of them.

After Mingi was picked up, he picked the remaining children when their classes were over for the day, each piling into the backseats of Seonghwa’s mini van, him making sure San was secure in his booster seat, which of course seated next to Wooyoung’s car seat. The older was blabbering to Wooyoung about his day in class, which had him shouting how he couldn’t wait to start school.

Driving his children home he unlocked the front door to allow them to run in, already seeing the messes being made that his eye twitching. Hours of work gone down the drain. He’d sit on the couch to join his family instead of attempting to clean, not failing to notice how Yeosang clung to his side. So Seonghwa wrapped his arms around the child and held him close.

“Did you have a good day in class?”

Yeosang didn’t respond to his question right away, but after a little rub to his shoulder he nodded. Kissing the top of his head Seonghwa stayed there for a bit and let himself relax before he would have to start on dinner. 

Which as per usual was just the five of them, Hongjoong was stuck at work. Actually as he was wiping the spaghetti sauce from Wooyoung, he got a text from Hongjoong.

‘ Gonna be late. Don’t wait for me. Love you. ‘

Somehow, although disappointed, Seonghwa wasn’t surprised. He sent a quick okay then pocketed his phone, before clapping his hands to gather everyone’s attention.

“Okay! Bath time then it’s off to your rooms for the night!”

Wooyoung was already fighting the straps of his highchair.

He started with Wooyoung and Jongho’s first, making sure Wooyoung wouldn’t splash Jongho as he was gently rinsing him in his infant tub, he even had to give Wooyoung a timeout warning in order for him to stop. Once the two were bathed, he’d bring them to their rooms and put them into their pajamas, laying Jongho in the nursery and having Wooyoung following like a duckling as he went to start on San and Mingi’s baths.

Bath time for the family was surely a workout but at least when those two were finished, he’d dry the bathroom floor for his older sons’ turns, which he was thankful they were both old enough to take their own baths (Well, bath for Yeosang, shower for Yunho. He proclaimed he was too old for baths these days). 

Hearing the showerhead being turned on, he went back into Wooyoung and Jongho’s room to, like before, sing Wooyoung to sleep while he cradled him.

Children were bathed, and now up in their rooms for the night, Seonghwa was once again alone, back sore from being hunched over the tub for close to an hour. He fell onto his and Hongjoong’s bed with a tired groan escaping his lips.

Another day done, and Seonghwa was ready to pass out for the night.

Weekend came around fast, children excited to finally stay home for the rest of the year, and Seonghwa was looking forward to finally start on the Christmas decorations. While the kids were busy with one another, with Hongjoong’s help he went into the basement, bringing up boxes filled with decor for the walls and tree, which they had brought up last.

As they were in the middle of building the fake tree, Hongjoong’s phone went off. Seonghwa watched Hongjoong answer it, and from the annoyed expression on his face, Seonghwa just knew he’d be left on his own.

“Hwa, Eden just called, I need to come in for just a few-“

“Just save it and go.”

He couldn’t help it. He was pissed. Hongjoong had promised him days prior that he would be spending time with his family all day today. Now here he was, hurt on his face as he mumbled a little ‘sorry’ as he went to go change from his pajamas to something suitable for the studio.

He was working at adjusting the top piece of the tree when Wooyoung tugged at his pant leg.

“Is Papa leaving us?”

He had half a mind to scream at Eden. Or Hongjoong. Or both. Instead Seonghwa crouched down, hand cupping Wooyoung’s cheek and gave him an apologetic smile. 

“I’m sorry baby but Mama has to go into work. But we’ll keep decorating, I promise. Then afterwards we’ll order takeout for dinner.”

Although excited for takeout, it was obvious that Hongjoongs absence that afternoon affected the children’s spirits, no matter how many Christmas songs Seonghwa played on the TV, or when he held Jongho as he placed the star on the top of their tree.

It didn’t feel the same, and that night, when the children went to bed, Seonghwa cried in the living room.

It was late when Hongjoong arrived home, as usual being as quiet as a mouse when he stepped through the front door, not wanting any sort of noise to wake any of the children, and Seonghwa when he was spotted asleep on the couch.

He felt guilty, he really did, especially when his eyes landed on the empty wine glass on the coffee table, as well as the tear streaks down Seonghwa’s cheeks when he got closer to him. Chewing on his lower lip, he went to the kitchen to get himself something to eat before bed knowing Seonghwa put leftovers for him in the fridge, but when he shut the fridge door he saw the picture stuck against it. It didn’t take much to figure out where he was, tears falling down his cheeks.

Failure. You’re an awful mother. You’re never around. 

Suddenly Hongjoong didn’t have an appetite, instead crawling into their bed alone. But Seonghwa’s warmth was missing, something he never could sleep without, so in the end he remained awake for most of the night alone, until the pure exhaustion made it too hard to remain conscious.

Maybe two hours of sleep was what he got when he felt a weight pressing against his chest. Hongjoong opened his eyes, finding Wooyoung sitting on top of him.

“Where’s Mama?”

Another jab at his already aching heart. Ever since Wooyoung started speaking, never once had he referred to him as his mother. Because Seonghwa was with him all the time. He was the one that had the bond with Wooyoung that he was supposed to have with his own child. They’ve tried correcting him as politely as they could, but each time was a failure. So, they just let Wooyoung call them whatever he wished, even if being called Papa always upset him. Hopefully it would fade away.

“He’s downstairs baby.” Sleepily responding, Hongjoong ran his fingers through Wooyoung’s soft locks, before pulling him against his chest, and held onto tight. 

“Why don’t you stay with me? I need my daily Youngie kisses.”

Hongjoong gave a large pout, but hearing the child’s loud giggles was pure music in his ears. Wooyoung gave in easily, making himself comfortable on top of his mother’s chest.

He smiled, and shut his eyes so he could relax.

Seonghwa didn’t remember passing out on the couch, but it was where he woke up. Head lifting from the armrest, he fought the urge to yawn as he shifted into a sitting position. 

He knew it was morning, yet he didn’t hear Jongho or even Wooyoung, it was concerning considering when he checked the time on his phone, Jongho usually woke him up by now. He quickly stood, now alarmed and awake as he rushed up the stairs as quietly as he could. His first instinct was to go into the nursery, which is exactly what he did.

And seeing two very empty looking cribs. Seonghwa had to hold onto the door just to keep his knees from buckling underneath him and collapsing. 

His babies.. Where were his babies?!

Panic seethed him as he ran out the nursery, ready to bust his bedroom down to wake his husband up and call every authority he could think of. The door swung open, but before Seonghwa could utter a single word, the sight before him shut him up.

Hongjoong was sitting in the bed, a mountain of pillows behind him for support as Jongho laid in his arms, Wooyoung was there too, sitting in his lap. They both were holding the bottle Jongho was feeding from, and honestly now he felt a little ridiculous.

He didn’t even think of the possibility of Hongjoong having their youngest ones. He rubbed his face as his tense body relaxed, the sigh from him catching Wooyoung’s attention. He perked, and spotting his father, he gasped.

“Mama!”

Hongjoong, quick to shush Wooyoung so Jongho wouldn’t be disturbed from breakfast, turned to Seonghwa and offered a little nod as a wave; considering his hands were obviously full.

“Thought I’d feed Jongho for once, to let you sleep for a couple more minutes before you’d start your day.” Seonghwa stepped to the bed, sitting on the edge of it to join the three and let his head fall against Hongjoong’s shoulder. His anger from the previous night had washed away. He couldn’t ever stay mad at Hongjoong, especially when he had their baby in his arms. He reached to Jongho, gently pushing back the wisps of hair slowly growing in, not failing to see Jongho opening his eyes and looking up to his parents.

“I swear, he looks identical to you.” Seonghwa whispered while Wooyoung moved to sit in his lap.

“Really? I think he looks like you, as do the rest of our children, even if I was the one to carry them all.”

Seonghwa’s small laugh was heard in the quiet room but didn’t respond, wanting to enjoy the couple blissful moments before the rest of their family would wake up.

“Papa, Mingi had a nightmare and peed his bed.”

Well, that moment didn’t last very long.

Christmas Eve came fast, and Seonghwa woke up miserable, and alone. When he sat up and looked at his phone, he saw the text from Hongjoong an hour prior.

‘ Sorry :( ‘

He left his husband on read. He had nothing to say, it only fueled his anger when he was preparing breakfast, flipping the pancakes he was questioned about where Hongjoong was by their oldest. He hated to see his children upset, even if he tried to cheer them up throughout the day, it didn’t work so well because of their missing mother.

And when each child was tucked into bed that night, doors shut to prevent being seen, rather than to bed himself, Seonghwa gathered the presents from his closet and went into their living room so he could start wrapping them up.

He got two presents for each child, Yunho a Spiderman mask and a new game for his gaming console (Yes, he did check thoroughly to make sure it was age appropriate for him) , Yeosang a new drawing kit as well as a small drone, San a toy robot and a stuffed cat (Just another to add to his collection, Seonghwa absolutely adored San’s obsesstion with stuffed animals),  Mingi a little crown and even a princess dress to match it with, having been infatuated with anything princess themed and he was not going to deny his son’s love of princesses, Wooyoung a toy kitchen set as well as a stuffed dog to match San’s, and even got Jongho some toys and new clothes.

Sat on the floor with his legs stretched out, he worked on wrapping each present diligently, next to him he had a cup of hot cocoa sitting on their coffee table (Which he may had put a dash of peppermint vodka in, just to take the edge off from this stressful holiday season), tongue stuck out in the corner of his lips in concentration, cutting the wrapping paper as straight as he could. 

He was so focused he didn’t hear the front door open and close, but did hear Hongjoong’s faint, “Seonghwa?”

He looked up, and saw his husband standing in the middle of their doorway, each hand holding large bags, obviously they were filled with wrapped presents. 

Seonghwa didn’t answer, turning his eyes back to the task in front of him as he wrapped Yeosang’s drone, even putting a shiny red bow in the center as he wrote on the tag, “To Yeosang, From Santa” thank god all of their children, aside from Yunho didn’t realize he was the one writing to them.

“Seonghwa,” Hongjoong moved to sit behind him on the couch, gently pulling the older so his back would press against the cushions so he could be held behind by the shoulders. “I’m sorry I wasn’t home.. I just-“

“Hongjoong please , just save it.” Interrupting Hongjoong, he would set the now finished present and move on to the next, cutting more of the matte green wrapping paper. Hongjoong wasn’t letting up, though, kissing the crown of Seonghwa’s head. Being kissed and held like this usually turned Seonghwa straight into goo, but this time around he was too upset to even smile to his husband as he moved to sit next to him on the ground.

“Can I ask you something.” Seonghwa’s words came out as more of a demand rather than a question, not waiting for an answer before continuing on.

“Do you prefer your work over your own family?”

Voice was strained as he said that, throat tightening when he finally turned to Hongjoong. But the second he saw his face, he regretted asking him that, the way he saw the tears falling down his reddened cheeks. He dropped the scissors, a soft clank coming from them as they hit the wooden floor and pulled Hongjoong right into his lap.

“Oh baby.. I didn’t mean it like that. I promise. I know you love us. It’s just- Lately you work way more than usual. Especially during this time, it’s Jongho’s first Christmas and I wanted the build up for tomorrow to be special.. But you’re never home, I let myself overthink-“

“No, Seonghwa.. You have every right to be upset with me.” Hongjoong hiccups as he was talking, fisting Seonghwa’s sweater as he shook his head.

“I should have been around, if not for you then for our children. I just.. I work to keep my mind busy.” Hongjoong’s tears wetted Seonghwa’s sweater as his face fell into his neck, but Seonghwa didn’t care. He rubbed a hand up and down the younger’s back, body shaking like a leaf as he sobbed into him.

“I hate myself for working so much, I’m hardly home, for Christ’s sake Wooyoung calls you mama, he doesn’t see me as his mother when I’m the one that carried and birthed him. I don’t feel that motherly bond I’m supposed to have with any of them and I hate that it’s because of work that’s the cause of all this but I ask for overtime because it’s able to distract my mind fromoverthinking—“

Hongjoong’s rant, although muffled was still clear and Seonghwa just felt more and more guilty that all this time, Hongjoong worked to keep his mind busy, or else it would eat away at him, calling him a bad mother for not being there enough for his children, that it’s his fault that when something goes on in any of their lives, their instinct is to run to Seonghwa and never him.

“Shh.” Seonghwa gently shushed him from continuing on, hating how much Hongjoong was affected by this, his one hand continuing to rub his back while his other hand carded its fingers in Hongjoong’s faded red hair.

“You’re not a bad parent. The children love you, I love you so much. I’m sorry I was quick to assume. You help provide for us and Hongjoong, we’re so grateful for you. Please don’t think of yourself so negatively just because you work so much. Although yes, there are times I wish you could stay home, but it’s okay. You don’t have to tear yourself apart just to choose between work and us, I promise it’s okay.”

Now he was crying too while trying to comfort Hongjoong, now rocking the two of them back and forth as he held Hongjoong’s small frame against his body, never wanting to let him go. He’d at some point move over to the couch, never once letting Hongjoong have the option of moving from his lap. He’d whisper sweet nothings in his ear, letting Hongjoong cry out his frustrations, telling him it was okay.

It wasn’t until Hongjoong finally calmed down when he finally spoke.

“We’re going to be okay.. Okay?”

Hongjoong lifted up his head, and finally looke up into Seonghwa’s eyes. His own were red, tear stained and puffy. Seonghwa just wanted to kiss it all away until he was all smiles and happy again.

“I told Eden after today, I was taking the next few weeks off.” Hongjoong finally said, and Seonghwa couldn’t be more happier. Cupping his cheeks, he captured his husband’s lips in a sweet kiss, the taste of salt from his earlier crying was faint against them.

“Really? That’s great. I can’t wait to spend them with you.” Mumbled Seonghwa against his lips. 

“My mom is also going to be taking the children next week to spend the night.” Added Hongjoong, one of his hands lifting up to cup over Seonghwa’s, which remained on his cheeks.

“Guess it means we’ll finally have some alone time.” Said Seonghwa, feeling the warmth of Hongjoong’s cheeks grow as they grew dark red.

“Perv.” It was faint, but Seonghwa still heard Hongjoong and laughed, kissing the tip of his nose.

“But I’m your perv.”

“Always.”

Hongjoong finally stood from Seonghwa’s lap, he and Hongjoong both moved back to the floor in order to quickly finish up wrapping the remaining presents. Being a little nosy though, as Seonghwa placed the presents under the tree, he peeked into one of the bags Hongjoong brought into the house, seeing the one on top had his name on it.

Before he could grab it though, Hongjoong swiped it away from his line of sight, hiding it under the tree, further from the rest of the presents. 

“Ah Ah,” Hongjoong wiggled his finger, ignoring Seonghwa’s protests. “You’ll have to wait until morning mister~”

Although it was technically Christmas, at least from what the clock on the wall said he didn’t fight it, but he was quite curious. 

“How about some cookies, Santa?” Seonghwa motioned to the kitchen doorway, where a view of a plate of cookies laid, baked by himself to be eaten by ‘Santa’ when he finally came.

“Well, don’t mind if I do~”

They both sat at the kitchen table to share a few cookies while Seonghwa explained how they were made.

“— And I swear that’s the last time I will leave Yunho in charge. I left two seconds to check on Jongho, I came back to him, Wooyoung and the whole floor covered in flour. It was total chaos.” Hongjoong and him shared a laugh at the story, before he’d get up for glasses of milk to wash down their sweet treats, the memory of the mess still quite vivid in his mind.

“Alright, I got the baking soda, both brown and regular sugar, eggs.. flour, hmm.” Ears open, he could hear the whines from the youngest from the living room, making him sigh.

“Yunho honey? Can you use the stepping stool to grab the flour while I go take care of Jongho?” His son, who by that point was right at his hip to help, quickly nodded, already dragging the stool over to the cabinets where he knew the flour was stored.  Seonghwa had rushed out the kitchen before Jongho’s whines could worsen. But there was just one problem; he couldn’t reach the flour even with the stepping stool. His fingertips just barely brushed the bag. Frustrated, Yunho stomped his foot and glanced at the doorway to yell to his father that he couldn’t reach, but saw his two year old brother staring at him, and suddenly Yunho had an amazing idea.

“Wooyoung, come here!”

“Aish, you just wanted my attention didn’t you?” Noticing how Jongho’s whines instantly stopped, Seonghwa playfully rolled his eyes. He lifted the two month old to hug him, tickling the tip of his nose to get him giggling. “You just have to wait a little while longer, okay?” A kiss to his forehead, and Seonghwa gently laid him back in his little swing, making sure to turn on its music to entertain Jongho.

But when he came back, he expected a clean kitchen, but the sight before him had his knees buckle just a little. Yunho was on the stool, and Wooyoung was on his shoulders, in his hands was the bag of flour. But when Wooyoung dragged the flour off the shelf, it flipped upside down, spilling its contents on him, Yunho, and all over the floor. It was almost as if it snowed in their kitchen.

“Uh… San did it?”

Yeah, Seonghwa had a clear idea that it was in fact not San’s fault.

After cookies were eaten, what was left put away on a high shelf so none of the children could sneak any, Seonghwa and Hongjoong went to bed hand in hand, though, in the middle of the hallway Seonghwa had stopped, ultimately stopping Hongjoong as well.

“What?”

Hongjoong turned to him, confused, so Seonghwa motioned up. When he followed, Hongjoong would see the mistletoe that was placed there, making him gasp. 

“Oh you sap.”

Chocolate flavored kisses were shared before off to bed the couple went, to fall asleep into each other’s arms.

For once, they weren’t woken up by their two year old.

… Well they were, with every other child jumping on their bed to wake their parents up.

“Mama! Papa!” Squealed Mingi as he jumped right on Seonghwa’s stomach, which was a definite wake up call.

“Santa came! Santa came!” San was next to yell, grabbing his mother’s hand to try and drag him out of the bed. In response, Hongjoong just fell limp pretending as if he didn’t get bombarded with a bunch of tiny feet stomping all over his body.

“Mama! Papa! Get up! Even Jongho’s in the spirit!” Yunho called from the side of the bed. When Seonghwa opened his eyes, he saw their oldest with their youngest in his arms, he even had the cutest little santa hat on! Seonghwa was quickly grabbing his phone to snap a picture.

When he and his husband were finally awake, tiny hands were grabbing their larger ones to drag them down to the living room so that presents could be open. Seonghwa had the six sit on the floor first for pictures, even nudging Hongjoong to sit with them with the baby in his arms. After pictures were captured, Seonghwa made sure to post it onto his socials before joining Hongjoong on the couch and finally allow the awaiting children to open their presents.

Finally getting the children down for the night, their day being full of of jolly, presents and treats passed around, Seonghwa knew it was probably a bad idea for Hongjoong to pass out mugs of hot cocoa during the Christmas film Seonghwa put on. It was supposed to help wind down each child so they were easier to tuck in. But the added sugar just made them bounce on the walls, and made bedtime difficult. Now on the couch after picking up the strays of wrapping paper and throwing them away, Seonghwa laid back against it

Hongjoong emerged from the kitchen doorway, holding two mugs of more cocoa for himself and Seonghwa, sitting next to his husband while resting them on the table. Before he could grab his mug, Hongjoong maneuvered his way into his lap, arms slithering around Hwa’s neck. Instinctively his hands rested on top of Joong’s waist, thumbing gently over the exposed skin of his sides. No words were said between them. Nothing needed to be said. Seonghwa looking into Hongjoong’s eyes, and Hongjoong into Seonghwa’s, the only noises in the room were of the tv left unwatched as it played the Christmas movie Seonghwa chose to watch, and next to their tree, a fire in the fireplace, crackling and popping and illuminating the living room with a natural light.

Hongjoong’s eyes twinkled in the glow, and he found himself mesmerized, willing to stare in his eyes for hours just to admire them and every other aspect of his face. Fondness cut short, Hongjoong’s forehead pressed to Seonghwa’s, shutting his eyes so Hwa did the same. 

“I love you.” Mumbled Hongjoong from under his breath, one of his hands from behind Seonghwa reaching up to caress into his hair, gently combing through it.

“I love you more, Merry Christmas, my darling.” Responding to Hongjoong, he moved and kissed the tip of his nose, then his forehead, then cheek, chin. Practically smothering his whole face with kisses before giving his final one on his lips, Joong not wasting time to return it and pull Seonghwa close, chest to chest as they fell back on the couch.

Crackling sounds of the slowly dimming fireplace, as well as their synchronized breaths were the only thing that could be heard in the living room. Well the television as well, but that had been abandoned as their source of entertainment a while ago.

Hongjoong laid on top of Seonghwa, head on his chest while he played with the ends of his hair. Seonghwa hadn’t seen Hongjoong this relaxed in what felt like forever, he was cherishing the moment, admiring the littlest details he adored on Hongjoong. Like the way his lashes pillowed along his cheeks with his eyes shut. The smallest movements coming from him like he was unable to keep still for so long. He was beautiful, and Seonghwa swore he was falling in love all over again.

“Oh!” Hongjoong’s head suddenly perked up from Seonghwa’s chest, interrupting the moment as he pushed the blanket off of both of their frames, reaching to the floor and stealing Seonghwa’s shirt to toss on so when he got up onto his shaky legs he wasn’t hurrying to the tree naked. Meanwhile as he knelt down, Seonghwa grabbed the blanket to keep himself from being exposed while he sat up.

“I completely forgot,” Seonghwa watched Hongjoong crawl under the tree, before coming out with the wrapped present frombefore. “I placed this in the very back of the tree so the kids couldn’t see it and assume it was theirs, but I ended up forgetting until now.”

Seonghwa moved his legs so that Hongjoong could sit back down when he came back over, taking the gift when it was given to him. Unlike the children, Seonghwa was careful when he was unwrapping it, setting the paper to the side to be disposed of the next time he would get up.

It was a frame, but the picture was what warmed his heart. It was of the two of them the day they had gotten married. Seonghwa remembered it was the happiest he had ever been, at least during those times, it was even more warming to see that in Hongjoong’s other hand, his first being held by Seonghwa, was holding the then two year old Yunho’s, who was standing in between them in the front. He still remembered how he fussed wearing such fancy clothes.. And then by the time he got to eat, had managed to get everything on his white shirt. He didn’t appreciate Hongjoong laughing when Seonghwa tried to get the stains out in the venue’s restroom.

He also remembered the shock on the first night after returning home from their honeymoon of the positive pregnancy test given to him by Hongjoong, even if he was told it really shouldn’t have been a surprise. He just couldn’t keep his hands to himself!

“Aw, baby. This is beautiful—“

“That’s not all.” Hongjoong interrupted him. He gently took the picture frame out of Seonghwa’s hands, and flipped it. Everything was normal, except for the flash drive that was taped to the back of it. 

“I know this isn’t much, but you’ve never been much of a materialistic person. So, rather than something you could wear or eat, I made something for you to listen to whenever you want.”

Realizing that the components inside of the flash drive was a song, his hand went up to his mouth, covering it while his eyes began misting over. “You.. you wrote a song for me?”

When he turned his head, Hongjoong was nodding his head and that was enough for the tears to spill over. He set the picture frame down so he couldn’t drop it before his hands went to Hongjoong’s waist. He practically yanked him on top of him, settling him on his lap and then wrapped his arms around him. 

“Oh.. Baby. That’s the greatest gift anyone has ever given me. I love it, it’s amazing—“

“But you haven’t listened to it yet!”

“Hush, it’s amazing no matter what, because you created it for me. Whether if it was a good song or not I’ll love it anyway, and listen to it every day.” He kissed Hongjoong and pulled him as close to himself as he could, wanting to be connected as many ways as he could. He could feel his arms wrapping around his neck, Hongjoong moving so their foreheads would press against each other.

“I love you.” He whispered, moving his hand to caress Hongjoong’s cheek.

“I love you more.” He said back, Seonghwa fondly rolling his eyes but pulling Hongjoong back down on the couch so they could enjoy the remainder of their Christmas together in peaceful bliss.

“Mama! Papa!”

Well, almost.