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It had been years since Satine died. Decades really. But that didn’t change that Bo would still suffer from nightmares about her death at times. Sometimes they would go away for years, but they would always come back eventually.
Like a stalker who wouldn’t give up on their pursuit. And the nightmares were even more determined to come around Life Day, which was nearing now. That had been one of Satine’s favorite holidays when she had been alive.
In real life, Bo hadn’t been there when Satine died. She had been trying to make it to the Palace so that she could try and rescue her again, but she hadn’t been fast enough. However, in her dreams, she always was there.
This dream was no different.
Bo was in the Palace room that she used to know so well, and she was being held back by one of Maul’s minions. She fought and screamed and did everything she could to escape, but nothing made a difference.
Maul stabbed Satine with the Darksaber.
That was when Maul’s man let Bo go, and she ran to her sister. She held her close to her. It had been so long since she could do this.
“It’s going to be okay,” Bo always said. Her sister was already so cold. “It’s going to be okay, Satine.”
Bo didn’t know what she would do, but she had to do something. Maybe she could get bac-spray or find someone else who could do something. She didn’t know but she had to do something. Anything that would save her sister.
“You care?” Satine asked, staring at her. Her eyes were always so cold in the dreams. Almost more like Pre’s than Satine’s. It was as if Satine could see all her sins.
And maybe she did know all of them.
Pre would probably want her to know. He’d want Satine to know how even her own sister hadn’t supported her.
And maybe he’d want Satine to know… other horrible things that Bo didn’t want to think about. He probably told Satine all of them during the short time he had ruled.
“I always cared,” Bo said. She had, but it had been so complicated once she had joined Death Watch. Back then, she still had been brainwashed in many ways, but she had eventually come out of it. Not that it had been easy.
And she loved her sister.
“If you cared, you wouldn’t have abandoned me. You wouldn’t have abandoned our family,” Satine said. Each word hurt worse than being stabbed, and Bo knew what it felt like to be stabbed.
“Satine… Forgive me,” Bo said, her voice breaking. She needed Satine’s forgiveness. She needed her to forgive her for being so stupid when it came to Pre and Death Watch. She had been such a dumb child and she should never have allowed him to brainwash her. She should never have allowed herself to be used by him.
Even if Pre would have tortured her. Even if he would have made her life worse than any hell that she could imagine.
It still would have been better than hurting her family.
Bo wanted Satine’s forgiveness. She needed it. She didn’t know how she would function if she didn’t have it.
“I’ll never forgive you,” Satine said.
But even then, Bo still had to save her. She wanted to save her. She needed to help her. It was the least that she could do. And she couldn’t imagine what the Galaxy would be like without her sister. She had tried to imagine it many times over the years. How could she not when Pre would speak about how he would kill Satine?
But even though Bo had learned to look happy, she couldn’t actually picture it happening. And she didn’t want it to happen.
Then it did. Satine died. Died. Bo felt the life leave her. She felt her heart stop pounding.
Satine.
Satine.
SATINE!
Bo woke up with a gasp, out of breath like she often was when she had this nightmare. Her heart was pounding against her chest and she was sweating. She gasped again and put her hand over her heart. Why did she still have to have this horrible nightmare? Why even now when decades had gone by?
After the dream, she could never sleep well. She had tried over the years, but sleep wouldn’t come usually until the next night. She didn’t want to bother trying tonight so she got out of her bed in her place on Kalevala. The place her family had lived at before they had moved to Mandalore so Satine could advance more in politics. This had all been before Bo was even born.
They had never sold this place though, and it was Bo’s only real home left, despite that she had never spent much time living there. Sometimes she would try and imagine what it must have been like for her sister to live here before she moved to Mandalore. Back when Satine had a more normal life. She imagined that if Satine was alive still, she would have Life Day decorations everywhere.
Bo never put them up, especially now that Korkie was gone too. What was the point?
Sometimes she would go into her sister’s old room and think about her. It gave her comfort at times. She could remember the good memories that they had before Bo had joined Death Watch.
And she decided to do that right now since it could be comforting.
Outside it was pouring down rain. It had been for almost a day now. The rain here was different than Mandalore. Since Mandalore had been in a dome for Bo’s life, she had never seen it there. However, Kalevala was different. It hadn’t been destroyed. It was still just as beautiful as it had always been.
Bo didn’t even bother to turn on the lights to her sister’s room. She just sat on her bed and covered her face with her hands. She wished Satine was still alive. She wished she could still be here.
Things would have been better between the two of them after Pre had died.
She had been sitting there for only a few minutes when she heard footsteps coming. She frowned, but then remembered who she had allowed to stay tonight despite that she had been unsure about it at first.
And despite that he was still in a spin off of a group that had ruined her life. It had ruined so many lives.
“Din Djarin,” Bo said as she stood up and then turned on the lights.
She imagined that if he didn’t have his helmet on, he would have sleep in his eyes, but he had gone back to never taking that damn thing off. Earlier today or maybe now it was yesterday, he had come wanting her help and… well… eventually she had insulted his cult. And the Watch was a cult. Perhaps even more cult like than Death Watch.
But the Watch was just a spin off of it anyway. A spin off of something that should be over forever.
Din had told her they said he wasn’t a member anymore, but clearly, he still wanted to be. He didn’t know how lucky he was that a group like that would just let him be. She couldn’t imagine what Pre would have done to her if she had tried to leave Death Watch.
“Bo-Katan,” Din said. She could feel his eyes on him, even though he had that helmet on.
“I’m surprised you’re up,” Bo said, crossing her arms over her chest. “Did Grogu wake you up?”
She would have thought that would be it, but then again, surely, he would be with him if that was the case.
Despite Bo’s complicated feelings toward Din, he was an amazing father. Bo wished she had a parent like him when she had been a child.
But she never had.
“No,” Din said. “It’s…”
“It’s what?” Bo asked, not sure that she had the energy to speak to him right now.
She had liked Din. She really had when she first met him. She was nicer to him than she was to most people, even if he was in the Watch. She thought that he could move on from that. That he could change. If she could change after all then why couldn’t Din?
But then he had gotten the Darksaber and that made everything so much more complicated. Now being around him…
Sometimes Bo hated that kriffing weapon.
Other times she still wanted to possess it. But that was more because she needed to. If the Galaxy was less cruel, she wouldn’t have to acquire the weapon used to murder her sister.
He stared at her.
“What?” Bo asked again, but then she sighed. Maybe he didn’t want to tell her why he couldn’t sleep. She couldn’t really blame him. “Actually, if you don’t want to tell me why you’re up that’s fine.”
“Dreams,” Din said after a long pause.
Bo frowned. She hadn’t thought he would actually say anything and she really didn’t think that he would say that.
She almost smirked but then he would stop talking and maybe talking to him wouldn’t be the worst thing right now. At least he wasn’t talking about the Watch.
“About what?” Bo said and then she sighed and decided to open up even though she had always been bad at that. Really, she had been trained not to open up much. That was the best way to survive in… many situations she’d been in. But she would try to be unlike herself. She sighed. “I had a dream too. Not the most pleasant one.”
To say the least.
“It was about my family,” Din said as he took a couple steps closer to her. For a moment, she wished he would take off his helmet. She had only seen him once without it but well… she pushed those thoughts away. “Sometimes I have nightmares about…” He sighed and rubbed his neck. “About when they died.”
Bo blinked. “What?”
“Sometimes I—”
“No, I heard you… I just… I have nightmares like that too,” Bo said with a sigh. “But about my sister.”
Din stared or at least she imagined he was but he still had that kriffing helmet on. “Really?”
“Yes,” Bo said. “In my dreams, I see her die, and I can’t do anything to help her.”
Despite being a Death Watch warrior and the leader of the Nite Owls, Bo had been a child when Satine died. A dumb child. Probably immature for seventeen in many ways.
“It’s the same with my dreams, except with my parents. I’m older in them but I still can’t save them,” Din said. His voice broke. She could feel his pain. It didn’t matter that he had a mask on.
“I can’t stand it,” Bo said. “It’s been decades, and I still have these nightmares.”
“Maybe it’s normal,” Din said. “Maybe we’re normal.”
Bo smirked and rolled her eyes slightly. “I don’t think we’re ever going to be considered normal, Din.”
She couldn’t see his face expression, but she just had a feeling that he might have smiled about that. For a second, she wished that she could see it.
“Maybe you’re right,” Din said.
“Oh, I am,” Bo said with a smirk. “I’m always right.”
They talked for a little longer and then Bo decided that she would actually go back to her room and try to sleep. She didn’t think she would succeed but for the first time in a long time after having that nightmare, she fell asleep instantly.