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Vex’ahlia looked at the raven statue on the gravestone and the raven looked back. Or at least, it looked back as much as a statue could. Its stare was blank and lifeless; almost a mockery of who it was supposed to represent. Vax’s eyes had always held a glimmer of mischief - a reminder of that little desire of ‘trouble’ that stopped him succumbing to gloom. And lifeless…Vax’ildan wasn’t even really that, was he? Simply… gone. Taken by the Raven Queen as her champion, with Vex left behind to understand what it meant to be lonely in a crowded room.
Even when surrounded with her friends - her family - as they shared in her mourning, Vex couldn’t help but feel hollow. Keyleth had lost the love of her life but Vex’ahlia had lost that which made her whole; the person that reflected her better than a mirror ever could. There were no dragons nor gods that needed fighting anymore. There were no world-threatening events that demanded the attention of Vox Machina. There was no one besides Vex’ahlia.
Her romance with Percy had been a whirlwind that fizzled into an amicable split. He loved her and she loved him, but Vex could not claim to be in love with him. It had been news he had taken surprisingly well and there would never be a time she felt unwelcome in Whitestone. It became the closest thing Vex was capable of feeling like home. A small memorial had been set up in her brother’s honour; an empty grave to mirror the equally empty one in Zephrah.
At first, the other members of Vox Machina had been… reluctant to leave her to her loneliness - a worry at something foolish occurring as a result of the grief that seeped into her very bones. But as the days slipped by, their concern seemed to lessen if only slightly. After all, Vex still had Trinket and he was a very good bear. He’d never let anything happen to her. So most of Vox Machina gave her space with the promise that they would come the second she called. The exception being Tary, of course. Part of her couldn’t help but wonder if the letter containing her brother’s fate had even reached him yet, or if he was still clutched in anxiety by a shattered necklace assuring him of the loss of one of his compatriots.
In all honesty, Vex struggled to work out what to do with herself. It was as if a haze had encompassed her fully and utterly. Yet most days she found herself before her brother’s headstone, simply staring down at it as if hoping it would free her from her guilt. There were days she would sit with her head pressed against it, trying not to notice on the occasions where a raven came to settle on her shoulder and gently press its head against hers. There were other days where she would simply just… talk about anything and everything she could imagine. The conversations would always be one-sided but it didn’t stop her from imagining the responses; imagining a teasing tone, calling her “Stubby” as he nudged her gently.
This happened to be one of the days where words escaped her and the prospect of rest made her skin crawl. So instead, Vex’ahlia continued her silent staring match with the raven statue. Her gaze verged on a glare before a voice called out.
“I was hoping to find you.” Vex tensed for a moment before she realised who the voice belonged to. The second she did, all the tension seemed to seep from her as her shoulders slumped. Zahra. Yet Vex didn’t glance over as the Tiefling came to stand by her side or even when she reached to scratch behind Trinket’s ears. Though the ghost of a smile danced across the half-elf’s lips as the bear let out a sound of content. “You too, Vex. Not just this delightful boy.”
Then, for one of the first times since she lost her twin, Vex’ahlia allowed herself to truly laugh. It wasn’t even that it was a good joke. It was dumb and silly and just for a moment, it reminded her of a slither of sunshine amongst a storm that felt neverending. A reminder that there still was a world beyond her solitude and grief; a world full of good moments as it waited patiently for her to rejoin it.
Finally she let herself look over at her friend. “I hope so. I daresay I’d take some offence if Trinket held all of your attention, darling.” There had always been something about Zahra that left her chest tight and her words ever so slightly breathless, and this was certainly no different. The only piece of colour in the area, Vex doubted she’d be able to look away even if she wanted to. Then her gaze fell on what was held tightly in Zahra’s hand; a bouquet of red roses a few shades darker than her skin.
Zahra followed Vex’s gaze, looking almost amused when she lingered on the flowers. “They’re not for Vax.” The Ranger furrowed her eyebrows slightly. “Considering our dear Keyleth’s devotion to nature, I assumed he’d already have his own mini garden alive and thriving. They’re for you.” She held out her free hand. “A bit of colour to brighten up the darkest time.”
Vex’ahlia couldn’t tell if Zahra was describing the flowers or herself.
“I’m sure I’ll find some vase or something inside for them to make their home in. Percy was quite insistent on making sure my home was overstocked with well… everything.” Vex let out a soft laugh at that. Seeing as her resident remanded in Whitestone, he and Cassandra both had themselves regular visitors to her abode. “I’m told his memorial in Zephrah is quite the sight but here… I haven’t worked out what I went to do with it just yet. I didn’t even design the headstone - the others had it made.” Not that Vex’ahlia wasn’t grateful but it didn’t reflect Vax’ildan as she knew him; that spark that he could never hide from his twin.
Zahra gave Vex’s hand a light squeeze. “I must admit I’m surprised to see you here alone. You and Percy seemed quite… close when I last saw you.” She wiggled her eyebrows, drawing a laugh out of Vex. If Vex’ahlia didn’t know any better, she would have mistaken the tone in her friend’s voice for jealousy. “I could offer some help. Bring some more life to the place, if you’ll pardon my wording.”
Vex sighed, chewing at the bottom of her lip. “Percival is spectacular and attentive but…” She trailed off, hoping Zahra would leave it at that. “And you should know I would never turn you away.” That was a promise she knew she could keep with the utmost of ease.
“But?”
“Are such words really so necessary between us, darling?” Because the reasons her and Percival had ended seemed small but infinite. Though one reason was perhaps bigger than most. As much as she adored him, her heart yearned to find its home somewhere else; with someone else. And Vex held little doubt that she was looking directly at her.
An unreadable expression crossed Zahra’s face before something like realisation formed in her eyes. “I’ve been a terrible friend.” She held up her hand to stop Vex from intervening. “I have. There was so much to do after Vecna that it didn’t entirely cross my mind how much other people would need me; how much you might need me.”
“The world is far bigger than just me, darling.” She let out a soft laugh.
“Mine isn’t.”
In hindsight, Vex couldn’t entirely explain why she’d acted the way she did bar the simple fact that it felt right. She moved forward and pulled Zahra close, pressing her lips against hers as her hands formed in fists around the fabric of the other woman’s shirt. The Tiefling froze for a moment out of surprise before gladly returning the gesture. Her hands moved to cradle Vex’s face with one still clutching the roses.
There was something oddly comforting about the petals as they brushed against her cheek; a detail too small for her mind to conjure out of nothing and a reminder that this had happened. This was real. After what felt like both an eternity yet still not long enough, the two pulled apart.
Silence filled the air for a moment before laughter filled the air. It wasn’t laughter out of humour or mockery. No, it was that of relief as the two just stared at each other. In that moment, both Vex’ahlia and Zahra were in silent agreement that nothing else could possibly matter quite as much.
“Perhaps… Perhaps we should move this inside. Find a vase for the flowers and I could give you a tour.”
Zahra’s smile widened. “I could think of nowhere else I’d rather be.” She paused for a moment. “That, and I doubt your brother wants to see what happens next.” Her laughter echoed through the air as Vex hit her gently.
For the first time in months, Vex found herself free from her craving for solitude.