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I stared at Daryl's back, who stood slightly ahead of me, unable to let what I had just heard sink in. I checked my rifle over numbly as he turned to me. I don't know what I expected from him, but it certainly wasn't his usual beckoning toward the enemy with his head. The low:-
"C'mon," as he turned back to the walkers before us "Let's get this show on the road." I could hardly believe him, carrying on as normal, but I supposed he was right. We still had a job to do.
For now.
We completed the fight, and came out on top as usual. Those types of battles became known as Rare Rescues, so we had three more survivors to bundle into the RV and get to a safe place.
"I just... What happens now?" I asked Daryl as he saddled himself up into the driver's seat. He gave me a long look, a small shrug.
"Same's always. We got two months." He turned away like this news was nothing and he started the engine.
I looked around the RV, full to the rafters with 17 similar-looking people bundled into the back, staring blankly ahead. A shiver chased down my spine, those people freaked me out. I wished silently that I had updated the RV, but the weapons cache always seemed so much more important, and I only ever had so many coins at any one time. I let out a heavy sigh, too late to worry about it now. I noticed Daryl side Eyeing me, and felt a tension bristling around us as the hair on my arms stood to attention. It wasn't even cold. It was always...ambient...
Fine. This affected him too. This affected everything. I grit my teeth in a vague attempt to keep a second sigh inside and ended up fake yawning instead.
I was just so sad.
I picked up the map and scoured it for a safe house for the survivors, who continued their unblinking stares in the back of the RV like they were dolls. God, they were creepy.
"Here," I said, pointing, "It's an armoury, but it gets them offloaded so we can collect more." Daryl huffed slightly before replying.
"Should'a upgraded the RV."
But it was too late now
"What'd ya get?" Daryl asked, puffing on a cigarette as I hopped back into my spot beside him in the motorhome. I chewed my lip
"They're giving out better trades, 'cause of the news," I said, showing him the stash of weapons I'd been able to upgrade thanks to trading in the survivors. "We'll try for a shelter next time, you could do with an upgrade." I was only half joking, but Daryl gave me the courtesy of a small barely audible laugh, no more than a puff of air really, and aa rise of his shoulders before he backed us out of a parking spot at the front of the armoury.
We drove a while before I dared to speak again. The area we had found ourselves traveling through was quiet, battles against walkers few and far between.
"What will happen to you?" I asked, as if he might know. HE didn't answer immediately, just gave me a small shrug and a sound that might have been 'i don't know' but wasn't, not quite.
"Why does it matter?"
"Of course it matters!" I burst, incredulous. "Of course it matters," I said again, more quietly. "I get to go on. I have lots of other commitments in my world to keep me going. But what will happen to you... the others?" Daryl took a breath like he might speak, but said nothing. I waited, somewhat patiently, but when nothing came I yelled.
"Five years, Daryl." He flinched, but I didn't care. I threw my arms in the air and turned to face him in the hopes he might actually, finally, see me. "FIVE years and you have no words?" He stared out the windshield. I threw myself back into my seat and folded my arms. We drove on in silence.
At home base the chat room was a dark and silent abyss. I expected that.
"I can't believe it" I type-whispered into the ether. "This is...My life." I stared at the blinking cursor, at no one replying, for what felt like an age. I wiped cold tears from my cheeks and sighed a thousand sighs but still felt like I had no air in my lungs. How could this be happening? Why?
"It'll be ok" I heard softly behind me, and I turned to see Daryl holding out a mug of homemade soup. "There's others. No Man's Land, Survival Instinct..."
"It's not the same." I cut him off. "It won't be the same." I took the soup, tomato. No man's land, Christ. I was there half the time already. I couldn't look at him. I felt like I would fall completely into pieces if I met his eyes. I didn't think he would know what to do with pieces of me. That I had been n tears was enough to have him looking like he might flee.
"We'll just go." Daryl said after a moment of silence, punctuated only with the quiet slurping of hot soup. I felt my eyebrows knit together, a question I didn't ask pursed right behind my lips. Daryl crouched in front of me and put his free hand on my knee. "We won't even know. We'll just... disappear." My breath caught in my throat as my vision blurred with fresh tears.
"I'll know," I said, my voice a squeaky mess as I tried so hard to hold myself together for him. Tried so hard not to dissolve into tears. He put his mug on the floor and balanced his hand on my other knee. "Is that what you want?" I asked him.
"Nah, but what c'n I do? What c'n anyone do?" He squeezed my legs gently in his large hands, sending a shiver down my spine. " We have two months. Let's make the most'a them before we all just... cease."