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i. 5 years old.
Sawamura Eijun was 5 years old when he met Miyuki Kazuya for the first time.
It was at a playground, where they met. Eijun was out with his parents that day, and he wanted to make a quick stop at the playground. That's just what young Eijun liked to do. Aside from playing a little baseball with his dad and his dad’s friends (they took it easy on him when he pitched or when he batted- he was just a cute addition to anyone's team), the playground was practically where he spent all his restless energy.
But he was careless that day. Maybe the slide had been polished by a cleaner? Nonetheless, when his parents weren't looking, Eijun slid down at a pace much faster than he was used to and fell on his knees. Both knees were scraped. Just as he was about to let a loud cry, a lone young boy just about his age came bolting towards him from the swings with big, round eyes widened, filled with concern.
"Are you alright?" the boy asked, his voice rising from panic. Frenzied, he looked around for someone to help and spotted Eijun's parents from a distance. "Are those your parents?"
Eijun nodded, sniffling, and wiping the hot tears travelling across his cheeks. He was doing his darndest best not to let out even a muffled sob despite the searing pain on his knees.
"Can you stand?"
Eijun wanted to say yes. He wanted to shout a resounding “Yes!” so badly. But when he attempted to lift his leg up and push himself upwards, the pain shot up like knives through his thigh. His body stiffened to stifle the burning sensation. In as dignified a manner as he could muster, he shook his head. He bit his lip in frustration and hoped he didn’t look weak.
The boy understood and left to get Eijun's parents immediately. Eijun gave himself a moment to breathe and allowed himself to let out a small whimper. A wince too, for good measure. He wondered how ridiculous it was for him to be so worried about how the other boy thought of him. He scraped his knee! Any normal boy would cry! Even strong boys!
And yet, he was slumped with relief when his parents came along with the boy to get him. He was embarrassed that his dad quite literally picked him up off the ground and carried him like he was a new-born baby, but it couldn't really be helped, could it? Through his hiccups, he asked the boy, "What's your name?"
"Miyuki Kazuya."
"Thank you, Miyuki Kazuya!!!" A pause. "I’m Sawamura Eijun! But you can call me Eijun," he beamed, a smile stretching across his face so wide that his face could almost split in two.
The boy seemed to stew in those words. Scratching his head in a way that can only be described to be shy, he smiled too, eyes crinkling in the clear spring, turning soon to summer, skies. "Bye Eijun! I hope you'll feel better soon!"
Once Eijun's parents gave their thanks, the three of them began to take their leave. As their teasing laughter rang out, and Eijun’s whining echoed in the wind, the lone boy sat back at the swings, all by his lonesome.
ii. 6 years old.
Sawamura Eijun was 6 years old when he felt annoyed having realised his birthday would be spend with scabbed knees. It meant his dad wouldn’t take him out to play some baseball. He even insisted he felt no pain anymore! His dad still said no. He was cheated, and robbed of his birthday joy!
The logical conclusion he came to? Obviously: to sneak out of his birthday party, with ball and mitt in hand. He wasn’t so sure what he was going to do without someone else who had a mitt, but he sure as heck just wanted to play some catch with anyone. It was a simple wish. A wish he didn’t know would actually be fulfilled.
He travelled through the streets, anxiety building each second. He knew his way around. He never quite realised how small he was compared to the rest of the world. With that thought nesting at the back of his mind, he continued to trudge forward, praying that he'd at least get to the playground where he knew it was safe.
When he arrived, he climbed up the playground ladder and collapsed himself against metal bars, panting at the effort. He was so brave! Pride swelled in his chest as he marvelled at far he made it. He had no plans to venture any further than that, but he was satisfied.
Yet, the satisfaction faded when he noticed how empty the playground was. Forget finding somebody with a mitt, there wasn't anybody to find in the first place. Eijun sulked. This had to be the worst birthday he had so far. His dad was such a chicken! It’s just a little scab! He could still play baseball, right?
His thoughts kept swirling in his mind until his eyes landed on a lone boy sitting on a swing. He suddenly sat upright; a twinkle appearing in his eyes. Someone to play with! After a second, the twinkle began to fade. The lone boy looked sad. Eijun considered this for a moment. He didn’t know why that boy looked so down and felt an equally unpleasant feeling in his chest. He didn’t like it. He didn’t like it at all.
Eijun decided that the best way to fix it was to go down to the boy and offer his friendship. Surely if the lone boy had friends, he wouldn’t be sad anymore! Now armed with determination and sheer will, Eijun marched down the playground stairs and stomped his feet loudly the entire way to the swings.
The lone boy looked up with a start, noticing Eijun's approach. Tension seized his little body, hands gripping the swing so tight that his knuckles turned white, before coming to relax them.
Eijun skidded to a halt. Was he seeing this right? Is that...
"Miyuki Kazuya!" he screamed out loud, the power of his voice ringing through the playground and scaring the birds away.
Kazuya flinched. "Too loud, Eijun!" he whispered, rubbing his ears, and giving Eijun a pointed look, which was immediately followed by a roll of his eyes.
"Sorry!" Eijun whispered back, his eyes catlike.
The other boy stared at him, before deciding to ask, "Aren't you like, five? Where's your parents?"
Eijun balked. "No! I’m six years old now! Today is my birthday!" Eijun frowned, pointing at Kazuya, shouting, "Aren't you six too? You don't get to ask me that question when I don’t see your parents, Miyuki Kazuya!!"
"I said you're too loud! And that's Miyuki-senpai to you! I’m six months older than you, kahaha!"
"You're so annoying! I left my party, alright? It sucks! I want to play baseball!" Eijun waved the ball and mitt in his hands.
Kazuya's eyes scanned the equipment, Eijun having piqued his interest.
"Do you pitch?" Kazuya asked, hopeful.
"Yes!" Eijun jumped. "My dad said that I pitch pretty bad though," A distraught look crossed Eijun’s countenance at the thought. It was gone in a flash. A big grin materialised in its place, and he pumped his fist in the air, "I still love it! Are you a catcher?"
The brown-haired boy nodded; the excitement visible in his eyes as they shone brightly at Eijun.
"You have to catch my pitches, Miyuki Kazuya! Prove my dad wrong! Please!" Eijun begged.
No more needed to be said as Kazuya grabbed Eijun by the hand and dragged him back to his home to prepare his catcher's gear. That was the first time ever that they played baseball together.
iii. 12 years old.
Miyuki Kazuya was 12 years old when Sawamura Eijun joined him in their hometown's middle school, Akagi Junior High. The latter’s first order of business? To order Kazuya to please-lets-make-a-baseball-team-I-really-want-to-pitch. Kazuya, within his right, refused and walked away from Eijun the first time around.
The next time around, Eijun was just as insistent as he marched into the second years' classroom, slammed a club formation form on Kazuya's desk and shouted, "I’ll make this baseball team myself whether or not you'll help me, damn it!"
Kazuya could only look on at the form uncomfortably as he felt the eyes of his classmates pierce the back of his neck. Being friends with Eijun sometimes could be a real pain in the neck. So, he let a laugh wrack his body, putting a hand on his stomach and bending over forwards exaggeratedly. "Alright! Just don’t come crying to me when your plan doesn’t work!" He picked up the club form and pressed it against Eijun's chest with a decisive menace.
Eijun took the form in anger, nearly crushing it with the force of his visibly shaking hands. His golden-brown eyes were glossy with tears, and he looked away from Kazuya. A pang- of guilt? - bloomed in Kazuya’s chest. Quietly, he muttered, "I thought we were friends." He turned away and made his way to the door, his gaze downcast and his footsteps heavy. Just before he left, he glared at Kazuya. "Just watch, Miyuki-senpai. I'll make the best team and get an even better catcher than you! Hmph!"
Eijun slammed the classroom door shut, presumably running to the nearest toilet to shed some tears to mourn the loss of a great friendship. Little did he know that Kazuya was equally shaken by the whole ordeal, sitting in the classroom Eijun just left, staring ahead blankly, attempting to process what had just occurred in front of him to no avail. It was like a hurricane had entered, thrashing the peace that he had built for himself since the start of middle school, before leaving the very broken boy all by his lonesome.
Surprisingly, Eijun found great success in building a small baseball team. He reached out to all his peers, and even begged some seniors to just please join because they just needed as many people as they could possibly get. He even managed to convince one of his dad's friends to come coach them, and he was ready to form the team. When one was forced into Eijun’s orbit, clawing one’s way out was an insurmountable task.
The day Eijun was about to submit the club form, he entered Kazuya's classroom once more.
"Miyuki-senpai," he started calmly.
"Sawamura," Kazuya replied as coolly as he could.
Eijun couldn't keep the bad boy behaviour the way Kazuya could. He slammed the club form on Kazuya's table, as he had done once before. This time around though, it was filled with about 15 names and even had a coach's name to boot. Kazuya had heard about how Eijun persistently chased after every student in the school, knocking on every classroom door, even seniors, dropping on his knees to beg for signups. (Except his own, he supposed, but he guessed that everyone in his class already knew about Eijun's plan regardless.) Eijun gazed at him expectantly, as though awaiting a reaction of some sort.
After realising Kazuya would not deign to respond, Eijun simply took the form, this time with less force- presumably to protect its sacred information- and said only one thing.
"I did it Miyuki-senpai."
Kazuya felt a shiver run down his spine at those words. He could see the burning embers in Eijun's irises.
"I never needed your help anyway."
The words stung Kazuya, but he hid it deftly with a smirk. "Didn’t know you could actually do it." He wanted to congratulate himself on how even his tone came out.
Eijun's mouth opened and closed, seemingly speechless. He didn’t know if Kazuya was being sarcastic or not. The silence stretched on for eternity. "There's always a spot for you, Kazuya," Eijun decided to say, dropping the malice, and the forced formality. Embarrassed, he clutched the club form to his chest and ran out of Kazuya's classroom, not bothering to close the door behind him.
In the classroom, Kazuya only looked on where Eijun was standing, trying to stop the devastation from clambering outside his heart and escaping out past his ribcage, taking hold of his whole chest, climbing up his neck and fogging up his head. He wondered whether his loneliness had ever felt this painful before.
Miyuki Kazuya couldn’t help but stare longingly at the ragtag baseball team while they trained. The baseball field happened to be right outside the window he sat beside in class. Right when he was packing up for the day, he saw Eijun run out to the field, dragging along someone in catcher's gear to practise his pitching. Kazuya wondered if he had any right to wish that he was the catcher that Eijun dragged with him each day. He wondered if he could simply waltz into the team, he so vehemently didn’t want to help Eijun build. He wondered if he was even worthy enough to be friends with someone as enthusiastic and happy as Eijun.
He didn’t know the answers to those questions.
Every day he made the effort to avoid the field. On the way out, he'd rather go around it and go through a less convenient, distant entrance, even if he were rushing. It was just something he was willing to do at all costs. But every now and then, he'd be attracted by the sound of balls hitting mitts snugly, and he'd come to watch from afar. Perhaps… behind a pillar or from the furthest path away. He loved baseball. That sound, the feel of the catcher’s gear fitting against his chest, the smell of freshly cut grass on the field... He yearned for it. He really did.
And with each passing day, his reluctance to be in proximity of the field faded. Maybe it was complacency- he hadn’t been caught by anyone yet, and he had no friends to say anything about his strange habit. He couldn’t play with them, but he liked to watch.
Well, until something- no, someone- happened.
"Miyuki-senpai, right?" she spoke from behind him.
He flinched, whipping his head around at the sudden intrusion. He pushed up his specs to hide his eyes from betraying the surprise, and embarrassment, that he was sure was emanating. Willing the blush that threatened to spread from his ears to his cheeks away, he cleared his throat. "Yes...?" he trailed cautiously.
"Sorry for intruding..." she said, blinking somewhat owlishly. Scanning Miyuki from top to bottom, she extended her hand toward him. "Aotsuki Wakana," she declared forthrightly.
Kazuya felt her investigative gaze with a shiver. Not one to be ungentlemanly though, he grasped her outstretches hand and shakes it with a cool ease. "It's nice to meet you, Aotsuki-san." Considering her for a second, he inquired, "May I know what business you have with me?"
"Ah... Miyuki-senpai, you're Eijun's friend, right?"
Eijun? He raises an eyebrow, now betraying his interest. He took note of the fact that the brunette in front of him was on a first name basis with Eijun. He did not take note of the nausea that grew in his stomach at the thought, hoping, praying, pushing it away. It was done with the knowledge that he had no right to feel the jealousy that was surging through every one of his extremities, every pore, each and every fibre of his goddamn being.
He let out a casual whistle, and smirked, "Why, can't shut up about me?"
Aotsuki only looked at him with what he would describe as a withering, almost soul-crushing gaze. Her brows were furrowed with a depth he hadn’t observed in other first year middle schoolers before, and her eyes gleamed with an anger she was clearly trying to hold in. He bristled under her intense stare and dropped his smirk. "Uh... Yeah. We were friends. A while back." he murmured in a low voice.
"You want to join us, right?" her eyes lit up, hopeful, searching his eyes for the same.
He looked away. That hopeful gaze was blinding. No wonder Eijun liked her.
"I can't, Aotsuki-san."
He saw her fists clench. She grabbed his hands with a force he was surprised a middle school girl could muster. He mused that baseball training was working after all.
"Why not? Are you embarrassed about turning Eijun down? It's fine! He'd forgive you! I know he would," she pleaded, desperate.
He scratched the back of his head. It's more than that. The words rose to his throat but had no plans to come tumbling out. He had a reason for turning Eijun away previously, and circumstances still hadn't quite changed yet. Probably sensing his hesitance, and the genuine grief flickering on his face, Aotsuki dropped his hand, which he wrung in the continued silence. He felt searing hot where she had held him, something like regret nestled between the heat of his palms.
"We are always ready to receive you," she said finally, after a moment's deliberation.
Turning her back to walk away, she paused. She whipped her head back to say, "If you need to talk to somebody, you know Eijun is willing to listen, right?"
With that, she made her leave for good.
Kazuya could only stare at her retreating back, knowing full well that she was right. Perhaps, being by his lonesome wasn't such a good thing after all.
Miyuki Kazuya was the one to break the stalemate between him and Eijun.
He had decided one day, steeling his resolve, that he would talk to Eijun properly about why he had rejected him in the first place. He had known all this while that he ached to help Eijun in his endeavour, ached to join the team, and hell, ached to play any sort of baseball at all- a tenet of his life that had gone missing when Eijun had disappeared from his life. He had known for a while that he could not bear this emptiness, this lack for any longer. And so, here he was, right outside Eijun's classroom.
There was no time quite like the present. Quietening his nerves for the last time, he opened the door, and stepped in with some gusto.
Eijun was fast to react. "Miyuki Kazuya?!" he screeched, at a volume loud enough to turn every head towards him.
Ah, Kazuya felt himself blanch internally, he's still as stupid as I remember.
He watched as Eijun's face changed as he processed the wild different emotions swirling within him. First it was shock, then visible confusion, then shock again, followed by questioning, and then a look Kazuya could really only call consternation. Like a storm was brewing in his mind, churning slowly like butter.
Eijun was quieter, this time. "...What are you doing here?" he mumbled, almost slinking back, fearful.
Kazuya inwardly sighed. The guilt of dimming Eijun's shine nearly choked him. He sputtered, looking down, "I- I would like to talk to you." When he heard no response, probably because Eijun had been just too stupid to process the events rapidly unfolding before him, he straightened up, willing himself to repeat the words with greater conviction.
"I would like to talk to you," he stared at Eijun straight in the eyes. After a moment's pause, he added, "please." He worried that he sounded a little needier than he had wanted to come across, but that anxiety magicked itself away when Eijun started making a beeline towards him. "Eijun-" he put his palm out to signal slow down, but Eijun only clasped said open hand and dragged him outside. He tried to fight the rising heat that found its place on his face by biting the inner corner of his cheeks. He found himself holding Eijun's hand for what felt like eternity as the younger boy forcefully weaved his way through the middle school lunch crowd to what he assumed was a private spot. When Eijun brought him clambering up a flight of stairs, he figured that they'd be headed for the roof.
His hand was finally free when they had arrived at Eijun's destination. It seared hot, much much hotter than it had when Aotsuki had curled her dainty, small hands around his. He almost marvelled at the sound of his racing heart, the tremor he felt threatening to shake his hands like weak aspen leaves in the fall, the rush of overwhelm bursting his chest open at the seams. All this, while his eyes rested on the object of his interest ahead of him, who was huffing and puffing all the same. He couldn't tell if these sensations were because they were running through the bustling crowd, or because of something else. But he had shelved it away when he heard Eijun mutter, "well?"
He gulped down the weight burning, burrowing down in his oesophagus. He attempted to let out a little laugh, if not to ease the tension in the atmosphere, to ease the tension in himself. It sounded empty, and Kazuya grimaced, looking away. If his head was crowded with thoughts just a while ago, it was completely silent now, and he could swear his ears began ringing sometime during the chaos.
He opted to begin with, "How have you been?"
He had it within him to feel even more guilty when he watches Eijun furrow his brows together, open his mouth, fail to say anything, and falter. The truth was that even though he had prepared a long speech, he still wanted to buy some time.
"Guess I lost the right to know," he sighed, giving Eijun a small, pained, awkward smile. His eyes shifted around, glancing up at the open sky before them, and he took a deep breath. The sun was bright and visible, uncovered, and undeterred by clouds, on this nice spring - oh hey, was it beginning to become summer now? - day. He listened for the sound of cicadas hidden in the trees around them and noted how the temperatures had indeed been on the rise lately. He knew the middle school regional tournament would begin soon. He idly wondered just how far some unassuming boonie school could go.
He snapped out of his reverie when he realised that Eijun was just standing there, arms crossed now, frowning deeply at him. He figured that Eijun wouldn't let up until he had properly said what he had come here to convey. He had not forgotten what he had done to the younger boy. And so, he finally spoke.
"I am sorry," he grinded out. Kazuya didn't dare to look at Eijun's reaction. Instead, he continued, "I know I hurt you when I turned you down. I know... It seemed like I had no reason to." he felt his own expression darken at that. "I just... wanted to explain."
He still only heard silence. And so, he pushed himself to look, at least just to gauge his friend's reaction. What he saw, shook him to his very core.
Eijun was crying.
Now, Eijun wasn't a pretty crier. He may have started off with noiseless tears welling up in his eyes, but when they fell on his cheek, everything he had built up inside him came imploding, and he let out a large sob. He came crashing into Kazuya, his arms open to wrap around him tightly. "Ahll I evwer whanthed," Eijun muffled into Kazuya's shoulders, "was for you to give me an explanation."
Kazuya was taken aback by the hug he had been enveloped. With it, he felt one of the great aches of his soul soothe. Eijun's warmth radiated off onto him in waves, and the tension in his shoulders faded away as he reciprocated, wrapping his arms around his friend - or really, whom he considered his best friend. He couldn't control the few tears that escaped down his cheek in small rivulets. Kicking himself internally, he could only say, "sorry," once more, as he let Eijun sob and blow snot all over his school uniform.
When Eijun had calmed down (honestly, he needed to as well), and they had detached from one another, Kazuya motioned for Eijun to come sit on a bench with him. Eijun must have felt particularly clingy, because they sat practically flush against each other, thighs touching and all. And Kazuya really, really had to contain the embarrassment from showing on his face.
His throat was hoarse when he spoke. "I..." he squeezed his eyes shut. "I turned you down because I was worried about my dad," he blurted quickly, ignoring the stabbing pain that laced his chest as he said it. Vulnerability. The pain blurred the sides of his vision. He felt Eijun shift away, and he had to ignore the disappointment that materialised at the loss of contact. The emotion was quick to dissipate however, as Eijun then proceeded to aggressively grip at the sides of his arms.
"Your father?!" Eijun shouted anxiously. "What happened to your father, Kazuya?!?!"
"Pipe down," Kazuya shushed, shaking off Eijun's iron grip. Very strong, he noted dully. Something had come of his baseball training, after all. "It's more like... Something happened to my mother."
He smiled wryly as he observed Eijun's confusion, unsure of what to make of the information. Not wanting to leave him out to dry any longer, Kazuya trudged on, "She's dead."
Eijun's eyes widened considerably. It was like having two big saucers glaring at you. Kazuya would swear that Eijun's pupils seemed to magnify. He would have also added that he could hear the shorter boy's gears turning.
"My dad just hasn't been doing so well, ya know? I keep him company, I cook for him his meals, I wash his clothes, and I make sure he goes to sleep at night. I don't have time for baseball..." Kazuya rued.
Eijun's mouth was now agape, hanging slack with the pure shock. Together with the wide eyes, he definitely looked like a cartoonish statue. Well, that was until Kazuya suddenly felt the entire world violently shake around him. Because Eijun had now gripped his shoulders and shook the living daylights out of him.
"Why didn't you say anything this whole time!? Your mommy died and you said nothing to me!?!?! I thought we were best friends????????" Eijun kept rambling, rocking Kazuya with a force that could be reckoned with. Eijun continued to spew questions and give Kazuya the biggest headache in the world, until Kazuya yelled:
"Stop!"
Eijun jumps back, surprised at the firm tone. His face carried the same cartoonish shock as before.
"Sit down," Kazuya commanded. This time, he was pleased that he sounded so calm. He could easily ignore the sweat that had gathered on his back from the stress of the confession.
Eijun meekly followed, quietly settling down. He sat a little further now, wanting to investigate Kazuya's face more closely. And in doing so, he leaned in.
Kazuya forced himself to look ahead instead of directly at Eijun. Too close, he cringed inside. "Look, uh," he began again, "I just didn't want to burden you with all that stuff." That was a pathetic excuse, and he knew it.
He could tell Eijun was trying to bite back some choice words, and he almost wanted to commend Eijun for keeping his mouth shut this time. He scratched the back of his head again. "Okay, that was a little shitty of me," he croaked.
Eijun only nodded sagely beside him.
"I just... I was embarrassed. You have such a great family, Eijun. I didn't want you to know mine was so - " he gesticulated wildly to the air " - broken. Or sad. I don't know." he paused meaningfully, deciding to firmly look Eijun in the eyes. God this is so close, he swallowed thickly. "Um, and I didn't want to concern you with stuff like my crappy father being crappy."
And Eijun was crying again.
"Eijun???" Kazuya was alarmed. He impulsively intertwined one of his hands with Eijun’s and felt a shiver travel straight down his back to the base of his spine. "It's okay, I just -"
"I didn't mean to be so mean to you, Miyuki Kazuya!!!!!!!" Eijun shrieked out. Kazuya could only bring him in for another hug and let his friend - no, his best friend - cry all the tears he needed to.
That day, he had resolved himself to having a conversation with his father.
That day, he had promised that he would join Akagi Junior High's baseball team, no matter the cost.
iv. 14 years old.
Miyuki Kazuya was 14 years old when he told his best friend in the whole wide world that he was leaving to a faraway school in Tokyo for baseball.
"You're... Leaving to Seido?" Eijun muttered, his mouth agape.
Kazuya looked down at his feet, wondering if anything he'd say would assuage the anger building in Eijun. He knew what the team meant to Eijun. He knew what he meant to Eijun.
When they were younger, before Kazuya's mother had died, they had been working together on Eijun's repertoire of pitches. Really, it was all they could do at the time before they had found a team to play with. Back then, Kazuya was quick to notice the weird way that Eijun's pitch would break right before he caught them. When he researched it, he discovered that it was called a naturally moving fastball. Excited by the notion, he had read up all about it in an effort to hone in on Eijun's natural pitching talent. And when he brought it up to Eijun and they had experimented together, they discovered that Eijun's pitches would break significantly differently just by changing the way he gripped the ball. Not to mention, with Eijun’s flexible form, there were ways to make the pitches break nastier. With all the time they had to fine tune Eijun's pitching in childhood, they had (or well, Kazuya had) come up with the numbers - a series of 12 different pitches that Eijun could come to utilize in battle over lots of time and practice. They weren't perfect, they couldn't be without any proper coaching.
After Kazuya had joined the team however, they were an unstoppable battery. Now with fielders (albeit bad fielders – though Kazuya would’ve never said that to his precious teammates), they were finally equipped to try Eijun's pitches in real games.
He remembered when Eijun first mastered the high inside corner with his four-seam fastball. Eijun had long been throwing only to the middle, the lack of experience resulting in poor ball control. But Kazuya was insistent on teaching Eijun to at the very least, locate the balls somewhere that was harder to hit. That would be the only way that they could progress forward in the future tournament. So, when Eijun finally landed his pitch right against the batter's chest during a random practice game with a middle school in another province, in a pinch situation where all bases were loaded no less, Kazuya's jubilation couldn't be understated.
Slowly, they worked on each and every pitch, learning to paint the corners of the strike zone with his fast balls and mix in some breaking balls to boot. Kazuya had never felt such joy except for when he caught for Eijun. It was exhilarating, and the game-calling possibilities were endless, even just utilising the few pitches that Eijun came to master by the time Kazuya was a third year.
And it wasn't just Eijun who developed because of Kazuya. Kazuya learnt from Eijun too, not just as a catcher testing out the game theory, he had read all about as a kid, but as a person. He grew to rely on his friends too. He learnt to open up about his problems to Eijun (and Wakana, on occasion). He learnt to enjoy and relish baseball with his teammates. And even if he intimidated his juniors, he learnt to be a mentor to Nobu so that the younger boy would be able to catch Eijun's pitches while he was gone.
Though, the relationship he held with Eijun was just different. It always had been. While his teammates were nice and incredibly caring people, they just could not understand what it meant to love baseball. Eijun understood. In his time at Akagi Junior High, he had grown accustomed to late night discussions with Eijun in the Sawamura household. There were many days where he had stayed over for dinner at Eijun's place, where he was accepted as one of the Sawamura family, where he could expend all his mental energy on baseball, without a worry about his father lingering in his mind. While other teammates have tried to join their more casual afternoon sessions before, they could not handle the amount of baseball jargon and technicalities that Kazuya would use (well, not that Eijun could keep up all that well either). It had scared them off, leaving Kazuya and Eijun to contemplate over scorebooks and professional baseball matches alone together.
He would come to miss that.
He watched quietly as Eijun fumed in silence, his gaze hardened, and brows furrowed. Instead of a meaningless platitude, he replied, "You received an invitation as well, did you not?"
"That is not the point, Miyuki Kazuya!!!" Eijun burst out, more furious than Kazuya had ever seen him.
He flinched.
Putting both hands in his pockets, and shifting his feet, he said, "I’m not sorry, Eijun. I want to grow as a baseball player. You know that Nagano is not the place where we can do that."
The deal had long been sealed; Kazuya would muse. Chris had outsmarted him over and over and over again during their match. Kazuya could not help but admire how well the older boy had utilized his catcher position to win the game. When Chris told him that he was going to Seido after graduation, he knew that he wanted to follow too.
His desire was answered rapidly. Rei Takashima had approached him and Eijun after the match, intent on recruiting both of them to Seido. When Kazuya had revealed that they were a second- and first-year pair, Rei was rendered absolutely speechless. Kazuya could only laugh at that. An adult woman unable to retort a middle schooler? Haha! He had thought.
When Kazuya became a third year, Rei took the initiative to invite both him and Eijun to visit the Seido grounds in one fell swoop. The visit didn't really matter to him, after all he had already decided to join the school the moment he had been provided with the opportunity. No, he wanted to visit the school, truthfully, to hope that its baseball-oriented environment would impress his pitcher and galvanise him to follow Kazuya a year after.
And so, when Eijun yelled at some random second-year baseballer on the team, he knew that it was his last chance to show Eijun how good it would be to play ball in a place like Seido. They communicated best through baseball, right? He offered to catch Eijun's pitches against the senior, who he knew to be Azuma, a renowned batter headed straight for the NPB drafts, from the sports magazines. They were partners, and Kazuya was desperate to let Eijun know.
As he expected, it was thrilling to catch for Eijun as Azuma ruthlessly fouled pitch after pitch. He could only hope that rousing feeling was conveyed to Eijun in the same way, as he breathlessly called for Eijun's favourite pitch, the inside fastball. Eijun, of course, as stupidly brave, and optimistic as he was, delivered perfectly. Azuma struck out swinging. Kazuya felt his soul sing when Eijun yelled, "osh, osh, osh!" in ferocious victory.
Eijun stood in silence, his hands balling into fists by his sides. His feet grounded into the dirt and his jaw was set. Kazuya swore he saw embers burning in his irises. In his time together with Eijun on their ragtag middle school team, he knew just how limited they were by the place in which they were born. Nagano had no space for two rising baseball stars. Rei was right when she scouted the both of them at the quarterfinals of their championships. They had lost spectacularly, but nobody had ever expected the team from the boonies to have gone so far in the first place. It was a two-man team, consisting only of Kazuya and Eijun.
"What about our friends...? My family...?" Eijun hissed out, his frown burning creases onto his young face.
Kazuya could only say: "Don't you want to play baseball at the highest level too?"
They both left the conversation at that.
v. 16 years old.
Miyuki Kazuya was 16 years old when Eijun had finally returned to his side in Seido.
It had been a hot morning the day they finally met once again. Eijun had refused to acknowledge him during the night he moved in, the bitterness between them left long unsettled, and Kazuya was not willing to press the issue. If he were to admit it to himself, he'd say he feared seeing the southpaw pitcher after so long. He didn't know whether things could restore itself to what they once were if they could ever be as close as they were back in Nagano. He also knew that he couldn't avoid Eijun for that long, given that the younger boy was a pitcher, and one with a whole lot of potential at that (something he would never tell Eijun in a million years). Some part of him also worried for Eijun because he knew that the only real training Eijun ever had with pitching was with him. Try as he might to read all the baseball theory in the world, nothing quite beat the experience and teachings he had gained from his year in Seido. He trusted in Rei's judgment though, that Eijun was equally deserving a spot as he was.
He had been late for the start of the new training season. With Azuma-senpai moving out, he had his double room all to himself, with nobody to hold him accountable, besides his alarm clock. And well, you can sleep through alarms. Tiptoeing closer to where Coach Kataoka had all the new recruits and seniors gathered, he spotted one (1) Sawamura Eijun hiding behind a building nervously - presumably also late for his first ever practice in Seido.
"Crap, I’m late! I stayed up all night watching the video..." Kazuya said, trying to fight the wolfish grin that wanted to sprout on his lips.
Eijun turned around.
"Miyuki Kazuya?!"
Kazuya had to shush his loud voice. "We're gonna get caught, stupid!"
Eijun only blinked. "Right, sorry," he said after a moment.
Honestly, Kazuya also had no idea what to say. And so, he decided to focus on the situation at hand. He voiced, "You know Coach Kataoka is extremely strict about punctuality, right?" he watched Eijun blanch at that. Oh, he had such a cruel idea.
"What if you could sneak in without anybody noticing?"
And unfortunately, Eijun was genuinely dumb enough to fall for it, hook line and sinker. Kazuya cheekily watched as Eijun tried to run into the line as quietly as he could, before he screamed, "Ah! ~ Look who's late and trying to sneak in anyway?"
The look on Eijun's face was well worth the fatigue-inducing morning practice run that he, Kuramochi and Masuko-senpai had to endure.
Well, Kazuya had a soft spot for Eijun. Shortly after the events had transpired, he approached Eijun in the canteen and told him to apologise to Coach Kataoka, or he would never touch a ball during practice within a month's time. And if he were being honest with himself, he damned well knew he itched to play baseball with the younger boy. Besides that, though, neither of them spoke with one another. It reminded him of the cold chasm that had grown between them when Kazuya had first rejected Eijun's invitation to form a baseball team all those years ago. He knew it was somewhat his fault. After their fight back in Nagano, he never reached out to Eijun. Maybe, for the fear of being rejected all over again. Perhaps because he was scared to find out whether Eijun would come to Seido or not. Whatever the case, even with Sawamura mere footsteps away, the fear in his heart had not dissipated all the same. Kazuya was not sure that he had felt this anxious over anything else besides Eijun. Even official baseball matches with Koushien on the line doesn't make his stomach as queasy and unsettled as Eijun does. That's probably because he was confident in his catching skills, and not so confident in his ability to patch up the friendship they had.
Even if he didn't want to admit it to himself, he seared with jealousy whenever he saw the battery between Eijun and Chris. God, with Eijun, there were always so many thoughts and emotions he didn't want to acknowledge. He could only cringe at himself for being so pathetic.
It was only after Eijun made the first string (which Kazuya expected would happen, given the repertoire of pitches that he and Eijun had worked on back then) that they spoke. The practice match against Osaka Kiryu High School.
While Furuya had crumbled with fatigue, Eijun had held strong and followed his calls as perfectly as he could've asked for. Much better than he could've asked for. Considering the exhaustion that he knew first year players felt during the summer training camp, given that he had experienced it for himself, Kazuya couldn't hide the genuine joy he had bubbling within his chest when he saw his friend succeed. After every defence he'd call out "Nice pitch!", but Eijun would only grant him a non-committal noise in response. He couldn't do anything, of course. He could only stare dumbfounded at the lack of boast in his direction, knowing full well that Eijun had lit up dumb as a dingbat to all the praise he had been given by Kazuya in the past. He wanted Eijun to beg him for more praise, to puff up his chest like an idiot and let the positive words go to his big head. Instead, he only saw a sulky Eijun, who was hesitant to give any reaction at all. And that was just, so not Eijun, no matter how mature he had become under the tutelage of one Chris Takigawa Yuu.
Furuya had already given up 11 runs in 5 innings. The Osaka Kiryu batters had remarked just how easy it was to distinguish between Furuya’s strikes, and his high out-of-zone balls. Well, that was until the 5th inning, when he finally showed understanding of his weaknesses. Before passing the baton on to his rival, Eijun, he had thrown his very own breaking ball, the forkball, for the very first time, and perfectly gotten out each player with ease.
Kazuya approached a miffed-looking Eijun in the bullpen. "Baka-mura, you ready to show me your pitches?" he hated how Eijun simply nodded in silent obedience. As Eijun throws him several pitches, Kazuya started feeling miffed himself at their lack of conversation. He forced out a laugh. "Brings back memories, huh?"
Eijun didn't deign to respond.
Kazuya let out a sigh. Maybe just this once he was grateful that the offense had struck out quickly, so that he would not have to hear the growing distance between him and his pitcher. At least when they were 18.44m apart, separated by a batter, a stretch of field, and a mound away, he didn't have to puzzle over what to say. He could just communicate his trust in Eijun's performance through his usual game-calling, and his trusty mitt.
His heart tugged when he watched Eijun face the fielders. "Balls are going to go flying, so thank you for defending!" It was nostalgic.
Despite Eijun trying out his new pitching form for the first time, Kazuya knew that it was the perfect time to be as aggressive as possible. He wouldn't tell anybody even if he was threatened with a gun to his head, but he wanted to show Eijun's skill off to Coach Kataoka, so that he would have more chances to be in a battery with Eijun in future games. He called for number 4, the four-seam fastball, to the inner corner of the first batter's chest. His heart fluttered ever-so-slightly when he saw Eijun's smirk at the call, their intentions in sync with one another, like they had been in the past.
His chest thrummed with excitement as Eijun winded up for the first pitch. Rei was right when she mentioned that his form was beautiful. With his right leg lifted so high, and his eyes carrying the look of a challenger ready to pounce, Eijun formed the wall with the mitt in his right hand, and threw, hard, with his arm whipping down late, showcasing the fruits of his labour with Chris-senpai. Kazuya couldn't help the cheeky grin that spread across his face when the ball slammed into his mitt perfectly, and the umpire had called, "Strike!"
Next, he called for number 2, the two-seam fastball, low and away, just a smidge out of the strike zone. If Eijun could locate the ball right there, it would be an easy out. The batter was now frazzled, fuming enough to swing at something difficult to hit. Eijun nodded and threw. Too high! Kazuya thought, as he saw the batter swing through his catcher gear.
Clang!
Even though the batter had swung late, the ball travelled surprisingly far into the right field. Eijun’s pitch had never been fast, or particularly powerful, after all. And while the fielders were swift to respond to the hit, the batter was squarely safe at first. Damn, he thought. Eijun's new form still isn't as complete as I’d like. "Don't mind!" he yelled as he threw the ball back to Eijun. “Your pitch has power!” He saw Eijun scowl at that. Pitchers are always so sensitive, Kazuya mused.
The runner on first clearly wanted to steal to second. The perfect opportunity for Eijun to show off his newly learnt fielding skills. He called for Eijun to carry out a pick-off. Eijun was shocked, but quickly nodded, and executed as such.
"Kahaha! Did you see what Chris-senpai taught me?!" Eijun burst out, elated.
Kazuya had to hold in a laugh when the first-base coach shot back that it had been a very obvious balk. The runner now advanced to second base. Eijun blanched. And in the dugout, Chris apologised to Coach Kataoka for Eijun being such a slow learner.
"Change gears! Focus on the batter!" he encouraged with a wry smile. Eijun had been grimacing, but he turned to lock eyes with Kazuya once more, awaiting instruction. Good, Kazuya felt some pride at how quickly he recovered. Now, back to the game. Give me number 1, the cutter, straight to the batter's knees.
"Strike!" the umpire called.
The batter stumbled back, surprised at the break of the ball. Kazuya knew that Osaka Kiryu was surprised that Eijun could throw such a sharp breaking ball, at that speed, to that location. Nice work, Eijun, Kazuya really couldn't help but smile again. Now give me your four-seam fastball, to the inside, but higher this time.
Clang!
The batter jammed the ball, just like he expected. However, the grounder went in an awkward spot between first and second, and Kuramochi struggled to collect the ball and get the out. It was now runner on first and third, without a single out. They were in a pinch.
Kazuya felt his internal temperature rise a few degrees. Did he lead Eijun wrongly? They had to get out of this tricky situation, and fast. He didn't want to risk his pitcher being benched for the rest of the summer tournament. He took in a few deep breaths before crouching down and contemplating what the next move was. He heard the fielders shout words of encouragement to Eijun, and their reliability in turn also helped him to calm down. He needed to stay confident. It was just another opportunity to showcase Eijun's abilities in a tight spot. He called for a slide step pitch. Eijun nodded and glared at the first base runner. Moving carefully through the steps of the motion, he successfully threw.
Too high again! Kazuya thought, as the ball drifted upward. He was sure it would be a goner when he watched the batter swing.
But somehow, the ball was jammed, and bounced straight into Eijun's mitt. Eijun turned to the third base runner subconsciously, stopping him from making a move. Kazuya shouted, "Ball to second, double play!" and thankfully, Eijun threw swiftly to Kuramochi, who then threw to Tetsu without issue. Two outs.
If Eijun was reacting this well, he'd be just fine for the rest of the game.
Eijun had made it out relatively unscathed, to Kazuya's relief. He had only given up a couple of runs in the end, most likely due to the fatigue from the summer training camp more than anything else, and he had gotten a better grasp of his new pitching form.
Kazuya had been taking off his catcher gear after the game had ended 13 - 9 in Osaka Kiryu's favour when he was puzzling over what to say to one (1) Sawamura Eijun. He knew that first and foremost; he had a duty as the first string's main catcher to ensure that the relationships between him and every pitcher on the team was on stable footing. The second thing, however, was that he also craved desperately for the friendship and warmth they had shared back then.
He loved the team plenty. He's made a ton of great friends, even idiots like Kuramochi included. But none of them were as close to him as Eijun ever was, plain and simple.
"Miyuki-senpai?"
Kazuya looked up, snapped out of his reverie. "Sawamura," he said curtly in response, trying to keep the storm brewing in his mind at bay. His heart pounded loudly in his ears, and the palpitations made him feel like he was going into a mental frenzy. The sound of his last name tagged with the formal honorific made his chest constrict, only serving as a reminder of the growing distance between the pair.
Eijun was clearly waiting for something, anything to come out of Kazuya's mouth, but the latter refused to make a move, rather choosing to hold the silence, observing the younger boy for the reason he had approached him in the first place. It had been a beat, Eijun's mouth creasing into a thin line as the quiet stretched out between the two of them, before he burst out, salute against his forehead:
"Can we please talk?!"
Kazuya flinched.
"Too loud, idiot!" he signalled to the boy with a downward wave to keep his volume down.
"Sorry!!!!" Eijun whispered loudly.
Kazuya could only roll his eyes at that. He looked Eijun in the eye, and said, "Yes, after dinner, my room."
"Okay."
"Okay."
And that had been that.
Kazuya felt like a moron pacing the length of his small double room. He was grateful for the lack of intrusion from the other members of the team today. It was probably because they could sense the anxious fumes he knew he emitted despite doing his very best to hide it. He had been quieter at dinner, shovelling his food robotically into his mouth on autopilot as he used every waking moment to contemplate the words that were going to come out of his mouth when he had his conversation with Eijun. When Furuya had asked him to catch his pitches he had been snappier than the usual, which was hard to achieve considering how often he did reject Furuya at dinnertime. Kuramochi… Kuramochi looked as though he had a question at the tip of his tongue but seemed to have decided to back off for now. Though, he knew better than to believe he’d escape the shortstop’s questioning entirely.
He couldn't help but jump when he heard the knock on his door.
"Senpai?" the muffled voice behind the door inquired.
Why was Eijun so goddamn respectful? The fact that Eijun was younger of the two had always bothered the pitcher back then. And between them, they had always abandoned last names and honorifics, unless Kazuya had wanted to bring it up to tease him. Kazuya only sighed and opened the door.
"Sorry for the intrusion," Eijun clambered in with a slight bow, keeping his stilted formalities as he sat on the floor on the balls of feet, completely upright like a proper Japanese man. Kazuya schooled his face into something of cool indifference to hide the grimace that wanted to surface at the tense behaviour. He situated himself, seated on the floor cross-legged, facing Eijun head-on.
"I’m sorry," they both blurted out simultaneously.
Silence. A look of confusion overtook Eijun's face.
Kazuya decided to be the one who led the apology. He cleared his throat and said again, "I’m sorry."
Watching for Eijun's reaction, he continued, "I know I haven't been a good friend. I didn't respond to any of your messages about the Akagi team. I didn't really know how to respond to the fact that the team imploded without me. It really sucks that Nobu couldn't catch your pitches, even to the very end." Eijun only stayed silent in front of him. "I know I’ve barely even spoken a word to you in Seido," Kazuya scratched the back of his head at the statement. He had noticed it to be a habit of his whenever he felt awkward in the moment. "And I’m sorry about that too. I had no idea what to say, how to own up to my mistakes, or whether you even wanted to be my friend anymore."
He watched Eijun's eyes water at the words, and felt a distinct alarm rise in his chest, his heart only thundering even louder than before. "Eijun, are you -"
"Miyuki Kazuya!!!!" he wailed, lunging forward to gather him into a long, snot-filled hug.
Kazuya let out a laugh. One that felt genuine for the first time in what felt like years. "You're always so loud," he chided, but the playful lilt in his tone only showed adoration, not any anger. He felt the tension in his body sap away, a tension that had grown old and ancient alongside his high school baseball career, as he accepted the warmth and love of Eijun's comfortable embrace. This… This was nostalgic too.
"I’m sorry too," Eijun started. Kazuya almost wanted to shush him, or maybe tease the younger boy for being so sappy and sad, but Eijun's serious expression only told him to zip it. "Those updates I sent... I wanted it to hurt," he admitted, looking downcast and guilty.
"It's okay -"
Eijun was the one to shush him. "No, it's not," he said with a resolution Kazuya hadn't expected. "I should've cheered you on when you went to Seido." A pause. "You were scared right?! To be out alone all by yourself?"
Oh, Kazuya definitely burst out laughing at that.
"Damn it, you four-eyed bastard!!!!! Why was I even concerned about you when you're clearly just fine without me?!" Eijun had gone cat-eyed, and a bright shade of scarlet had spread over his face. His mouth was pressed into a thin line and he had crossed his arms over his chest like a protective shield.
"No, please continue about how much love and care you have for me~" Kazuya could only snicker.
"Absolutely not!"
They were going to be just fine, Kazuya concluded as the guffaws wracked his body.
"But wait, do I call you Kazuya or Miyuki-senpai in front of the team...?"
"Ah that..."
"You know what, I prefer ‘tanuki-bastard’ instead."
"Idiot!"
It took a couple days of adjustment, but the two finally began to get along both during baseball, and outside of it as well.
vi. 17 years old - epilogue.
Miyuki Kazuya was 17 years old when he realised that he had fallen for the damn pitcher. He didn't know when it began happening. Maybe it was somewhere along the way when Kazuya caught for Eijun as ace during the fall tournament. With Chris’s teachings on form, stamina, and other technical aspects, as well as gaining game experience during the summer tournament, Eijun's pitching repertoire, or as he fondly coined, the numbers, had driven him to the very top of the pitching staff, surpassing even Furuya. Well, at least for now. The both of them were always in competition for the ace number after all.
Or maybe it was long time ago, back in the boonies when him and Eijun were young contenders on a team of nobodies. Back when he and Eijun were just a small inseparable pair of baseball maniacs who had just come up with the numbers in the first place, after making the discovery that Eijun's pitches would change with just shifting the grip of his hand. Or maybe it was further before that, when they were dumb children fiddling with baseball gear, without any guidance from anyone at all.
He had no clue.
But now, after having won the regional summer tournament against Inajitsu with Eijun as his ace...
Yeah, he was a goner.
"Couldn't sleep, captain?" a voice called out to him in the distance.
It was Eijun, of course.
"And you, Ace-kun? ~" Kazuya drawled, looking up as the corners of his lips upturned to a small smile.
"Too giddy to sleep," Eijun admitted, setting him next to Kazuya, shoulder-to-shoulder, on the steps outside the dorm.
Kazuya, like a good captain and lead catcher, of course, chided him. "You should be sleeping, idiot. We need your inflammation to heal in time for Koushien." He added a scowl to his words for good measure, but nothing that came out of his mouth tonight would hold any bite.
Eijun waved him off with his other hand and a crinkle of his nose. "You worry too much," the statement was accompanied by an eye roll. There was a brief silence that befell the pair, before Eijun added, "like my battery wife!" he looked smug at his own joke, though his ears revealed a red tint.
"Say what you want to say," Kazuya shrugged, a looseness in his shoulders present that hadn’t been there since the moment he became captain. "With your performance against Inajitsu today? I'll let you do anything short of practice."
He watched the younger boy flush pink at that. "This Sawamura Eijun thanks you for your compliments," he boomed out dutifully, his uninjured hand in salute. Eijun, seemingly struck by a thought with a sudden force, quickly dropped his salute, and pouted. Kazuya had nearly asked what was bothering the pitcher, before he was called to attention with an ominous, "Can I ask you a question?"
Kazuya nodded, noting the gears that seemed to roar within Eijun's head.
"A... Are you going pro after Koushien?"
Kazuya nodded again, in the affirmative. He wondered where the question came from.
"Ahaha! I see! I was just thinking about it y'know, with the third years graduating and all that! Ahaha!"
"You're lying," Kazuya deadpanned.
"Ngnh!!" Eijun sputtered, upset. "F-fine!" His fists where clenched tightly and he gritted his teeth. Kazuya almost wanted to tell him to relax his hands, for fear of worsening the inflammation in his left wrist. "I heard you talking to Furuya about it, and I wanted to know why you didn't tell me..."
"Ahaha! You're jealous of Furuya?" Kazuya doubled over in laughter.
"No!!!!!!" Eijun attempted to defend himself, but it was far too late. Kazuya was already keeling over, unable to hold in the genuine mirth he felt at Eijun's envy. It was just so stupid, and cute, and adorable, and God, he just wanted to keep the sight of Eijun's embarrassed muttering and jitters all to himself. He rested his palm on Eijun's thigh, giving a small squeeze in reassurance.
"It's not because I wanted to hide it from you, Eijun. I haven't really told anyone about it in general. We're all so focussed on going to Koushien, and I don't want to distract the team. Especially as the captain." Kazuya could literally feel Eijun's eyes radiate emotional intensity. It made his breath hitch just a bit, and he felt a little light-headed from the intimacy he was feeling from the atmosphere. "I only told Furuya because he needed me to light a fire under him," Kazuya fought to keep the hand he left on Eijun's thigh unclammy and dry, "You don't need anybody to do that for you. You're Sawamura Eijun."
The mood shifted immediately. Eijun beamed, taking his hand between his two of his own with vigour. "You're right!" he exclaimed. "I am the Sawamura Eijun, after all! Kahaha!"
"You're an idiot, Eijun," Kazuya remarked with softness underlying his tone, looking at where their hands met. He glanced up at Eijun, and muttered, "my idiot."
Both lingered interlocked in that position, the cicadas whirring loudly in the summer night's unmoving, unforgiving, humid air.
Sawamura Eijun was 17 years old when he discovered that he had fallen for his team captain.
He stared into Kazuya's eyes, stuck in what he thought was a picture-perfect moment. To have won in the Summer East Tokyo Regional Tournament as the ace, pitching to his favourite catcher, and best friend (and maybe, crush, he guessed now), and to be sharing this quiet moment, away from all his teammates, with the very same man... Oh god. He totally felt that the shoujou romance gods had gifted this to him on a silver platter. Because in that very moment, his hands were burning electric from Kazuya's own tucked between; their knees were awkwardly pressed against one anothers' thighs; and finally, and perhaps most importantly, he could taste Kazuya's heavy breath on his lips. And God, he just wanted to be kissed- wanted to be kissed so hard, until he turned silly, and his knees went weak.
So, when Kazuya lifted his free hand and touched it to his cheek, he let out a whimper, revealing the desperation swirling in his gut. And when Kazuya asked, "May I?", he had simply crashed his lips against his.
vii. 19 years old - postscript.
Both Sawamura Eijun and Miyuki Kazuya were 19 years old when they played together in NPB's Youimuri Giants.
And they were in love.