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Wilhelm looks up from the book he’s reading to check the time on the clock on the wall.
They won’t be talking about this one in class for another few months, but Wille instantly felt himself drawn to the story in Karin Boye’s Crisis. When he first picked it up, he couldn’t really put it down. There is something there besides the beautiful words, something Wille feels he can relate to. And if he’s already read all the other books assigned for his literature classes he sees no harm in reaching for the next one. He’s always been a fast reader, always loved books and knows he’d like to write his own in the future. This time may not be quite here yet, but for now, Wille thoroughly enjoys his literature studies and learning about all the writing concepts.
He sighs as he registers how late it’s got now. And yeah, he might have got a bit lost in his reading, but this time it’s really not his fault that they haven’t left yet. Although they were supposed to leave almost fifteen minutes ago if they wanted to make it on time.
“Simon!” Wilhelm calls out for his best friend across their shared apartment. “We’re going to be late!”
“I’m almost ready!” Simon replies from his room where he’s been getting ready for the party for what feels like forever now.
With yet another sigh, Wille closes his book and sinks further into the sofa cushions. He grabs his phone and opens the group chat with Felice to confirm the time when they should show up for her party tonight.
Wilhelm does not like being late but whenever he chooses to go somewhere with Simon, which is basically every time he decides to go out, it’s kind of impossible not to be. He’s learnt that over the years of their friendship already.
As Wille thinks about it, he has a hard time remembering his life without Simon in it. They met in primary school and have been inseparable basically ever since. Although it was so many years ago now, Wilhelm remembers the day they met vividly. He’s always been a little bit of an outsider, just fine with the stories he loved reading so much about in books. He used to spend most of the breaks at school huddled somewhere in the corner of the classroom or playground, always with a book in his hands. When Simon first approached him, Wille was sure the boy was just doing it out of pity because he saw him sitting alone and barely speaking to anyone. It was probably the first thing that he noticed about Simon, how empathetic he is, how he always wants everyone around him to feel included.
Simon came up to him that one break on the playground when he was desperately trying to cut off all the noise of screaming kids and focus on the words on the pages in his book. He was reading The Little Prince back then, still one of his all-time favourites. He must have looked visibly frustrated as the noise kept disturbing him and then Simon came up and tapped him on the shoulder gently. Wilhelm startled but looked up, probably still appearing a little annoyed, not at Simon per say, but because there was another interruption again. Simon sat down on the grass next to him unceremoniously, introduced himself and out of the blue started asking Wille about the book he was reading. Wille’s answers were a bit hesitant at the beginning but then he realised how cool it was to share something he was so passionate about with someone. Simon listened carefully, as he always does, asked questions about certain characters or events, seemingly truly interested in what Wille was saying. When there was basically nothing more to say about the book and Simon noticed that reading seemed to be Wille’s passion, Wilhelm shyly asked if Simon had some hobby. The boy then dived into his love for music and how he wants to be a singer in the future and Wille already knew back then that he could listen to Simon talk for hours.
And so he did.
After that, their talks continued. About everything and nothing. And as much as Wille thought that he didn’t need any friends, it was nice to actually have one.
Simon has always been a ray of sunshine. Everything seemed brighter for Wille as soon as he entered the room and offered him as much as a smile. He was a child full of life, always ready for some kind of adventure and unabashedly dragging Wille into them too. And if they got in trouble, Simon’s sweet-talking tongue could always somehow save their asses.
They’ve been through a lot together. Ups and downs, thick and thin, all that. Wilhelm remembers the dire times in eighth grade when the overall present spark in Simon’s eyes darkened. His best friend was adamant in admitting what was going on but Wille was worried, alarmed even by Simon’s down moods. Around that time Wille found out about Simon’s dad’s struggles with addiction. He thinks that back then he was too young to fully grasp that all but it’s truly left a mark on Simon. But back then, he promised himself to do everything in his power to help his friend. He invited Simon and his sister for sleepovers more often when Simon once admitted that he was scared to be home when his father was around. Read him to calm him down when he was visibly shaken up from his parents’ arguments and his dad’s drunken fits. Carded his hand delicately through Simon’s wild curls when the boy laid his head on his shoulder and cried for what seemed like hours. During those times, Wille first saw Simon cry. His best friend is the strongest person he knows so to see him break down like that was horrible. Wilhelm has never felt so helpless in his life.
Along that year, things mostly settled as Simon’s parents divorced and his mother took full custody of him and Sara. It still was a very intense time for a fourteen-year-old. Wilhelm made sure to be there for him as much as he could. Simon often reminds him how grateful he is for that.
After that, Wilhelm didn’t see a thing that could drift him and Simon apart. But not even a year later another bomb dropped on them as Wille’s parents got a better job offer which required them to move from the little town of Bjärstad to the big city of Stockholm. His family has always been more on the wealthy side and they just could not let that kind of a chance slide. Erik had already been studying in Stockholm then and Wille was allowed to finish his last year of school in Bjärstad but after that, they were to leave the town.
Wilhelm had a full-on breakdown over this, one that only Simon could help him through. And he did. He promised Wille that they would never lose touch, no matter how far away Wilhelm would be. And also, Stockholm is not the end of the world, Wille, we’ll be fine! Wilhelm chose to believe him, but the daunting prospect of being ripped away from his best friend and the life he knew so well here was weighing heavy on him.
Salvation came in the form of Hillerska Boarding School.
It was a perfect opportunity for Wille to stay and actually attend a great school which would later on help him in college applications. And he’d still be close to Simon. Not in the same school, unfortunately, but also not miles away. He convinced his parents to let him apply and considering their status, he was admitted.
He had only been going to the school for a month when Simon and Sara transferred there from Marieberg. And as happy as Wille was for having his best friend with him, he hated the reasons for it and those stupid kids who bullied Sara into basically being scared of going to school. He could see that Simon didn’t like it too. They got into the school on scholarships and remained non-residents, which also used to be looked down on by some Hillerska students who saw them as so different, unfitting into this society.
Yet again, Wilhelm made all the effort to make them feel welcome and included, just as Simon did for him back then when they first met. He and Felice, a friend he made early on in high school, who he had been acquainted with before a little since their parents knew each other, joined forces as the girl took up a liking to Sara almost immediately. And together it was safe to say that they succeeded in acclimating the siblings in the school.
And somehow, they survived the three years. During the last year of high school, Wille and Simon made big plans. They would move to Stockholm after graduation, get a place together and study. Simon, pursuing his career in music and Wille, in literature.
And it all worked out. It really did because now they are here, freshman year in college, in their little shared apartment.
And also late for a party.
Wille’s still in awe of how someone as organized as Simon when it comes to basically everything: classes, rehearsals, remembering birthdays or any other special dates, always ends up late for the most casual meetings.
Finally, after ages, Simon emerges from his room.
Wilhelm tries not to stare, he really does but…
Yeah, the thing is, he’s kind of in love with Simon. Or not kind of even, he definitely is in love with Simon. Not in the best friend kind of way, but in a full-on romantic, almost overwhelming way. And he’s known that for a while now.
He’s not sure when things shifted. When this affection of their friendship turned into something more on his part. He supposes it was sometime in high school when everyone began trying out this whole relationships and being in love thing. Wilhelm hasn’t had a taste of that. He tried to, to find someone who he’d be interested in. But when he attempted to imagine himself with someone and images of Simon slipped into his mind… he knew something was up.
The summer before Wille was supposed to move, Simon called him one day and they met at the bleachers of a nearby football field. Right as they arrived, he could see that something was bothering Simon. He was nervous and tense, twisting his fingers anxiously in his lap as they sat on the bleachers.
That was the day Simon came out to Wilhelm. He’s not sure what his best friend was expecting and why he was so nervous. He was and has always been, the same Simon. His Simon. So Wille held him then, told him just that, that he’s proud of him and honoured that Simon trusted him with this and said that there was nothing that could ever make him see Simon differently. His best friend smiled at him with teary eyes, but there was this signature spark back in them which told Wille that everything would be okay.
A year later, in high school, it was Wille who admitted that he may not actually be straight. It’s not that Simon was his queer awakening but… he kind of was actually. It seemed like only then Wille started noticing how attractive Simon is. How his bronze skin shines beautifully in the glow of the sun, how his curls flop down on his forehead softly. How when he smiles, that gorgeous smile of his with that crooked edge in, it makes Wille melt. How he scrunches his nose cutely when he tries to focus on their math assignments, how the curve of his waist just seemed like the perfect place for Wille to place his hands there.
Still, he wasn’t scared to tell Simon about his doubts when it came to his sexuality. His best friend knows basically everything about him and it felt wrong to keep his struggles a secret. Especially since, of course, Simon noticed something had been bothering him. So Wille told him about his confusion. That he just likes who he likes and he wasn’t sure where to place himself on the queer-sphere, what label to use. Simon told him then that he doesn’t have to put any label on and it was just the perfect thing to say. It was like a switch was flipped in Wille’s head and suddenly everything became clearer.
But as wrong as keeping secrets from Simon feels, he of course never told his best friend about his feelings for him and there is no way he will. Their friendship means too much to him to risk it. Because there is also no way Simon would like him back like that, he deserves so much better than Wilhelm.
But now Simon is standing right in front of him, his hair slicked a little with gel, black eyeliner lines around his eyes. With a mostly casual outfit on. An oversized, grey, t-shirt that’s stylishly ripped at the collar and at the bottom paired with black pants. But he’s still rocking it as if he was taken straight from a catwalk and making Wille feel underdressed in his teal sweater and jeans.
Wilhelm has trouble not letting his jaw drop to the floor.
“So?” Simon looks at him with an anticipating gaze, his eyebrows raised in question. “How do I look?” He twirls in place, showing off his look fully and yeah, Wilhelm really did not need that. He already knows his best friend is freaking stunning.
“You look gorgeous,” he just says and Simon offers him a soft smile.
“Okay, we can go,” he announces then but Wilhelm hesitates.
It’s going to be a difficult night to keep witnessing Simon looking like that. But by now he’s mastered the art of masking his feelings for the other boy.
His gaze drops to his abandoned book on the sofa next to him. He bites his lip but still decides to try.
“What if we just stayed in?” He suggests and pretends not to see the deadpan look Simon throws his way.
He’s not a fan of parties, never really was. Could never be the social butterfly Simon is, always finding his way easily in every place. Even when some people think he doesn’t belong, he proves them wrong and does not give a fuck about what others think of him.
It’s one of the many qualities Wille loves about him.
“We’re already late so…” Wille still tries to which Simon lets out a groan.
“Wille, we are not late. Felice said the party starts at seven, it does not mean you need to be there straight at seven,” he explains, not for the first time.
And Wille knows but… the perspective of a quiet evening with a book, or an even better one, of snuggling with Simon as they watch a movie, just seems so much better. Simon would probably choose a horror for them to watch, which Wille hates but at least it gives him an excuse to cuddle to Simon’s side when he gets scared of some scenes.
He exhales heavily at his best friend’s words.
“Come on,” Simon pulls out his hand and beckons him to get up from the sofa “we’re going.”
“But Simon…” He almost whines.
“No, we promised Felice we’d be there. We’re leaving now and you’re going to have fun with our friends,” Simon decides simply. Wille rolls his eyes at him, still offering a pleading expression but Simon only arches an eyebrow higher “do you not trust me?”
The thing is, he does. He really does trust him. More than anyone ever probably.
He slides his palm into Simon’s as his friend pulls him up, a bright smile blooming on his face.
They take the bus to Felice’s house on the outskirts of the city because Simon doesn’t have a driver’s license and Wille plans on drinking. It’s difficult for him to survive a party without the help of alcohol to loosen up a little. But he never drinks a lot, not in a way that would scare Simon because of all the stuff with his dad. He never wants to trigger his best friend. They talked about this multiple times and Simon said he doesn’t mind him drinking but just asked him to know his limits. Wilhelm’s been sticking to that rule ever since.
The ride doesn’t take that long as they share Simon’s earphones, the songs from their shared playlist providing enough of an entertainment. They sit pressed together and Wille can’t help but steal glances at his best friend. He really looks so beautiful today. Well, he looks beautiful every day but Wille likes it when he lets the confident side of him shine a little more. When he experiments with make-up, clothes, and jewellery. Wille doesn’t think he’s brave enough to do that himself although he let Simon paint his nails a few times and shyly admitted that he enjoyed it.
That’s another thing he loves about Simon, how he gently tries to coax him out of his shell, never pushing too hard but delicately, and patiently trying with him.
They take the short walk from the stop to Felice’s house, walking side by side as Simon throws him an excited smile. Wille knows his friend is excited. They haven’t had the chance to hang out with their high school friends for a while, all of them busy with college for the last few months. But finally, an opportunity presented itself now, as Felice decided to throw a party for her high school friends and college friends to get acquainted. And Wille is excited to see his friend too, but knowing Felice, she’s already made loads of friends so he’s a bit afraid of the number of people they are going to find there.
Wilhelm exhales heavily as they walk, drawing Simon’s attention to him by the sudden sound.
“Hey,” Simon touches his arm gently but it still sends a shiver up and down Wille’s spine. He forces himself to look at his friend, seeing his eyes shining with concern lightly “if it gets too much we can leave, okay?”
Wilhelm smiles, a bit involuntarily, at the care Simon shows for him. He nods.
“Just tell me whenever it gets too much, alright?” His best friend’s expression remains serious as he asks.
“Yeah, I will. I promise.”
“Good,” Simon settles then, visibly more satisfied with the answer “just stick with me, we’ll be fine.”
“There’s no place I’d rather be,” he means the comment made to be more on the facetious side, and Simon seems to take it as such as he chuckles softly, but Wilhelm actually means it more than he’s willing to admit.
The party seems to have gone off to a good start since when they reach the house, music can already be heard, the beat blasting from inside the walls. Simon knocks firmly on the door two times but Wille doubts that it can be heard over all the sounds and noise of chatter. To his surprise though, Felice appears at the door only a few seconds later.
“Hi!” She greets excitedly and pulls them both inside, offering each a tight hug.
Felice gives really good hugs, not as good as Simon but totally second best.
And Wille was right. There are already around twenty people gathered inside Felice’s living room where she leads them. Some of them are dancing, the rest just lounging around with drinks in hand and indulging in conversations. Wille recognizes some of their high school friends but still, too many strangers all at once.
“I think I need a drink,” Wille says to Simon, hopefully loud enough to be heard over the music. His best friend nods and Felice seems to have heard him too as she redirects them to the kitchen.
They catch up a little, the kitchen being a bit quieter so it’s easier to keep the conversation going. They update each other about classes and their lives in general, and Wille feels himself relax a little in the comforting circle of his friends. Soon, Sara joins them too and Simon greets his sister excitedly, pulling her into a hug. Wilhelm follows suit and then they keep recalling what’s been going on for the past few months.
Felice eventually retreats to the party as the host, taking Sara with her, but not before telling Wille and Simon to help themselves to anything that’s in the fridge and if they need anything, they are to find her and just ask. She also promised to introduce them to some of her college friends when most of the guests arrive. Wilhelm dreads a little that there are still more people to come but prays that it doesn’t show.
They nod dutifully, smiling at Felice as she plays the part of the host perfectly.
Wille grabs a beer from the fridge and hands Simon a can of sprite which he takes with a smile and they head back to the living room, finding an empty sofa to rest on.
“Do you want to dance?” Simon asks him after a while when Wille’s gulped almost half of his beer. He shakes his head as he swallows another sip.
Simon’s eyes turn pleading.
“Simme…”
“Please, just one song,” he says in a sing-song tone and Wilhelm almost bends. Damn it, his best friend really has a tight hold on him. Wille always struggles with saying no to him.
Still, too many people around. Too many strangers around.
“You can go,” he tells Simon but his friend hesitates “seriously, I can see that you want to.”
“I don’t want to leave you…”
“I’ll be fine, Simon,” Wille assures and sends him a reassuring smile. He really doesn’t want to spoil Simon’s fun. It’s not like he has to be by Wilhelm’s side throughout the whole party.
Although Wille totally wouldn’t mind if he did.
“Just a few songs,” Simon promises “I’ll be right back.”
“Go, have fun,” Wille rolls his eyes but can’t help the corners of his lips quirking a little at his friend’s beaming smile.
Simon walks off then to join Felice and Sara on the dancefloor. Wilhelm’s eyes follow him involuntarily. It seems like he’s just always drawn to Simon, in basically every way. He tries to drop his gaze, he really does, or look around the room, but he just can’t. His eyes stay fixed on Simon as he dances with their friends. There’s a smile on his face as he says something to the girls and they burst out laughing in response. His body moves fluidly to the music, seemingly without any effort, finding rhythm with such a natural ease. Simon loses himself in music any chance he gets. Whether it's when he’s singing or composing himself, or even just while hearing it. Wilhelm keeps watching him as Simon throws his head back, exposing the column of his neck and Wille feels his gaze fixed on the spot there as he swallows. Simon’s hips sway effortlessly to the music as Wille lets his eyes roam over him. He has to take another sip of his beer as his mouth suddenly goes dry.
Other people look too, Wille notices. Simon is gorgeous and Wilhelm always sees the other pairs of eyes measuring his best friend. The wanting in them makes Wille’s skin crawl most of the time. It’s totally irrational of him since he’s probably looking at Simon just the same sometimes but it feels like the others just don’t have the right to do so. Not that he does. He definitely doesn’t. He totally shouldn’t look at his best friend and want him. So, he’s just being a hypocrite basically but it seems like he often is when it comes to Simon.
When he feels that his staring begins to edge on creepy, with much effort, he tears his gaze away from his best friend. He can’t think clearly when Simon is near. He’s clouding all of his senses in the most pleasant way but he can’t have that tonight. He needs to be able to control himself before he does something stupid. Something he will regret and which may put a strain on their friendship forever.
Wille drags himself up from the couch and moves to the kitchen to get another beer, trying to shake off this weird daze.
The kitchen yet again proves to be a bit quieter, so he lets himself have a moment there. Leaning back on the counter with his newly opened bottle of beer, he closes his eyes and lets out a few steadying exhales.
“Hey, you’re okay?” He hears Felice’s voice then and his eyes snap open to his friend’s concerned face.
He nods, running a hand over his hair, which Felice of course recognizes as a sign that something’s bothering him. She throws him a deadpan gaze and leans back on the counter next to him.
“Is this about Simon?” She asks then.
Felice is also the only person who knows about his crush on his best friend.
When Wille realised his feelings for Simon, it hit him with an incredible force. It felt like it had been a long time coming, the feelings building and building for who knows how long. But he remembers the moment. Simon wasn’t even doing anything special then, just bustling around their kitchen and preparing dinner for the both of them while Wille was lounging on the couch and observing him. Simon threw him a smile over his shoulder at some point and all Wille could think of was how much he wanted to come up to him, hug him tightly from behind and place a gentle kiss to his neck. I could get used to this domestic kind of life, he thought then, realising that he wants to share every part of his life with Simon. His home and his heart.
He totally freaked out when it hit him and Felice was there for him those few months ago because he just had to tell someone. But his usual go-to person, aka Simon, was totally out of the question.
That night with Felice when he confessed about his feelings for Simon ended up with way too much wine to drown his sorrows in as he whined about how Simon would never want him like that. Felice tried to convince him to tell Simon, said that maybe his best friend does have similar feelings for him. But the maybe was the keyword there. Wille would never risk their friendship on a maybe. If he did tell Simon, there would be no going back. It’s better to have Simon in his life just as a best friend than not at all.
“I saw you staring at him,” Felice’s words pull him out of the memory. His friend looks at him sympathetically and sighs “Wille, I really think you should try telling him. It’s going to be killing you. You suck at keeping things from Simon.”
She’s right. But this seems like one of these secrets he’s just going to take with him to his grave.
“Felice, I can’t,” he stresses once more “I can’t risk it. He means too much to me,” he admits and bites his lip.
Felice rests her palm on his shoulder comfortingly, sending him another compassionate smile. Wille really wishes it was that easy. To just tell him and not worry about anything. But too much comes into play when it comes to that.
“Come on,” Felice grabs her own drink from the counter and begins to drag him back to the living room “I’ll introduce you to some of my college friends.”
Wilhelm nods and sends her what he hopes is an eager enough smile. Maybe a bit of distraction is what he needs now.
They make their way back and Felice introduces him to a circle of her new friends. The conversations flow relatively easily and the people do seem nice. Not that he’d ever even suspect Felice of hanging out with some assholes.
But Wille’s eyes keep scanning the room in search of Simon, nearly panicking when he doesn’t spot him right away. Eventually, to his momentary relief, he finds his best friend as he chats with his sister and some other man a few steps away.
And Wille doesn’t like something about the way that man is looking at Simon.
It’s the wanting gaze the man settles on Simon, the slight smirk curling his lips at the corners, the way he nods as Simon seems to be explaining something and gesticulating wildly.
Wille feels his hand tighten around the neck of his beer bottle.
When Felice’s friends step away to get a refill on their drinks, Wille uses the moment. His gaze remains locked on Simon and the man across the room.
“Do you know the guy Simon’s talking to?” He asks his friend.
Felice follows his line of sight, squinting her eyes a little as she tries to recognize the man, her expression eventually settling into one of realisation.
“It’s Marcus,” she says “he’s in one of Sara’s classes, I bet she introduced them.”
Wilhelm nods slowly, aware of the judgemental look he keeps throwing the guy’s, Marcus’, way.
“Wille,” Felice’s voice sounds slightly amused when she speaks again “are you jealous?”
The question makes his eyes snap back to his friend and he snorts.
Of course, he’s not.
Except he totally is.
He’s survived Simon’s relationships already but back then, he wasn’t as sure as he is now that he’s in love with him. But even in high school, when Simon dated Wille always had this weird feeling in his stomach. He tried to put it all on just being protective over his best friend, not wanting any jerk to hurt him but looking back… there might have been some jealousy involved.
“Wille…” Felice tries again, clearly taking his silence as a confirmation.
He knows he’s being ridiculous. It’s not like Simon is not allowed to talk to other men. It’s just about the way that Marcus guy is looking at him.
And when he reaches out to touch Simon’s shoulder… yeah, it’s the last straw for Wille.
“I’m not jealous,” he says, the lie so obvious in his tone that even he almost winces. Felice of course sees right through it but decides just to sigh and shake her head a little.
Wille wants to go there, butt into the conversation and drag Simon away for whatever pathetic reason he could come up with. But just then, Marcus grabs Simon’s hand and leads him back to the dancefloor. Simon shakes his head a little and laughs, but eventually lets himself be dragged into the sea of moving bodies again.
And Wilhelm is fine, he is totally, absolutely fine.
He’s not sure if it’s for the better or for the worse that he loses sight of Simon and Marcus in the crowd.
He ends up sulking on one of the couches, with Felice still next to him as she chats with her friends. And Wille sees that she tries to include him in the conversation, but he can’t bring himself to participate actively.
“Okay,” she claps her hands eventually and stands up from the couch, nearly startling Wilhelm “let’s play seven minutes in heaven!” She announces and the little crowd that’s heard her cheers enthusiastically.
Wille tries to shake his head but the gaze Felice throws him tells him to stay put.
Sara also somehow finds her way to get settled next to Felice. But Wille’s eyes of course search for someone else and soon he finds Simon. Still with Marcus at his tail as they seem to be moving towards the kitchen.
“Simon!” Felice calls out then and he turns to her upon hearing his name, stopping in his tracks. Marcus stops too. Wille wishes he’d just go away. “Come on, join us. We’re playing seven minutes in heaven,” she beckons him closer with her palm. Simon smiles a little and begins to walk towards them.
Marcus follows and Wille wants to groan.
He can see that Simon is trying to make his way closer to him as their eyes lock together, his best friend offering him a smile. But before he can make it through all the people gathering for the game, Marcus tugs at his hand again and simply makes him sit down next to him on the floor as the circle is forming there.
Wille’s fingers ball into fists. He exhales. It’s fine. This is fine. Didn’t he just think recently that he and Simon don’t have to spend this party joined at the hip together?
Yeah and he stands by it… if only Simon wasn’t spending the party with that Marcus guy instead.
The game starts at last as Felice announces that she needs a bottle and some guy quickly chugs up his beer to give it to her. She accepts with a grateful nod and then explains the rules. They spin two times to choose two people randomly and then they go into the closet together for seven minutes, to probably make out, or if they refuse to, they have to drink.
The first spins land on some totally random people Wille doesn’t even know but the crowd cheers loudly for some. Felice gets paired up with Henry at some point, then Stella and Fredrika and everyone teases them as their seven minutes goes a bit over time and Fredrika blushes furiously.
Wille tries to join in on all the fun but he can’t focus. Not when Marcus is sitting so close to Simon, their thighs basically touching, or when he leans in to whisper something into his best friend’s ear. Wilhelm’s blood boils a little and every time Simon tries to make eye contact, he avoids his friend’s gaze. Maybe it’s this weird mix of jealousy and shame for the jealousy that’s making him do so.
Eventually, the bottle lands on Simon.
That’s it, Wille thinks. The other spin is going to point at Marcus, they are going to go to the closet and make out and Wille will be forced to endure listening all about it on their way home. And he will nod and try to be enthusiastic for his friend when inside, his heart will be breaking.
Felice spins again and Wille closes his eyes.
Then he feels a hand on his shoulder, shaking him a little.
“Wille,” Felice calls to him and when he opens his eyes, he sees the bottle pointing at him.
Oh.
A few disappointed huffs pass through the crowd, their high school friends being fully aware of the nature of their relationship which means they can’t really expect any action and reasons to tease.
Wille raises his gaze to Simon then, who only smiles gently in answer as he scrambles to his feet.
They don’t have to do this, Wille reminds himself. He’s not sure if he can handle being close to Simon right now when he’s fuming with this ridiculous jealousy so much. But then he thinks about a time he refused to spend time with Simon and comes out empty, so why would he now? That would come out as totally weird.
Also, it could have been so much worse. He could have been paired with someone else, a total stranger, which would only make him uncomfortable. Or Simon could be paired with Marcus which is equally as bad.
Wille feels no satisfaction at the slightly disappointed expression on Marcus’ face. He moves from the couch and joins Simon to walk into the closet together. He’s sure Simon will make some joke about being back in the closet but it doesn’t come as the door gets closed behind them, the lock clicking.
It’s not completely dark inside, a single lightbulb in the middle of the ceiling giving the small room a yellow afterglow. Even under the crappy light, Simon looks stunning. His hair is slightly messier now after all the dancing, eyeliner smudged even more in the corners of his eyes, making the look become a tiny bit wilder.
Wilhelm only lets himself get a few seconds to look before he drops his gaze to his feet.
Something feels weird and deep down, Wille knows that it’s the churning feeling of jealousy in his stomach that’s making it awkward. Because he feels guilty for it. For the satisfaction he feels that he’s the one who gets to be here with Simon, not any of the people that were blatantly checking him out at the party before. Not Marcus who apparently took some liking up to Simon already. Wilhelm shouldn’t blame him really. Simon is impossible not to like after all.
But he feels the guilt and shame hitting him because it isn’t how he should be acting. He should be happy for his best friend if he decides to try his luck with someone, but he’s being the total opposite. And he can’t help it, no matter how much he wishes he could.
He’s the worst friend of the year. Of the decade even probably.
“What’s going on?” Simon speaks then, startling him a little. Wilhelm hesitantly raises his gaze to look at him again. His best friend has his arms folded on his chest tightly, his posture guarded in a way that Wille doesn’t like, in a way that shows Simon is unsure and confused.
“What do you mean?” He just asks.
“I can see that something is wrong, Wille,” his best friend just retorts, eyeing Wille with an intense look, his eyes almost trying to dig a hole into Wilhelm’s soul. Damn him for knowing Wille so well and being able to read him like an open book. It does make things more difficult sometimes.
But there’s no way Simon noticed something, is there?
That thought sends another dreadful shudder through Wille’s body.
“You won’t even look at me,” Simon says, his voice tight “I feel like you’ve been avoiding me through the whole party basically. Wille, have I done something?”
Wilhelm shakes his head immediately. None of this is Simon’s fault. It’s all Wille’s stupid brain and an even stupider heart messing with him.
“No, Simon.”
“Then what is going on?” Simon’s question comes out almost pleadingly. “You promised you’d tell me if things got too much.”
“It’s not too much, I just… I-,” he cuts off frustratedly because what reason is he supposed to give? I’m just freaking jealous of you although I have no right to be?
“What?” Simon tries again, his eyes shining with concern.
Damn his best friend and his stupid, deep brown Bambi eyes that make Wille want to confess all his secrets. It feels impossible to stand here and lie right in his face but Wille just can’t tell the truth.
He just shrugs and drops his gaze again as Simon’s sigh sounds in answer.
They stand in silence for a moment, the air feeling weirdly charged.
“I bet everyone would love to be in my place now,” Wille’s not sure what magical force drives him to speak but he literally wills himself to shut up as soon as the words are out.
What the fuck are you doing you, dumb idiot?
“What?” Simon questions, the confusion evident in his tone and when Wilhelm looks up, he sees his best friend frowning just as he was expecting.
Wille’s not sure why, but he snaps. All the pent-up emotions becoming too much.
“Don’t tell me you really don’t see it,” he snorts.
“See what? What the hell are you talking about, Wille?” Simon’s voice grows even more bewildered.
Wilhelm shakes his head feeling a bitter smile flow on his face.
“Wille?” Simon prompts again.
“You really don’t see all the people staring at you? Wanting you? Literally ogling you on the dancefloor and just waiting for a chance like this to jump you?” The frustration is slipping into his tone and increasing with every word he speaks.
Simon keeps looking at him, eyes wide and expression even more puzzled. He opens his mouth to speak but then closes it, as if not knowing what exactly he wants to say.
“W-what are you talking about?” He just ends up asking again and Wilhelm lets out a grown.
“Simon, you are beautiful and everyone wants you, these are the facts. You could literally have anyone you want here judging by the way they were staring at you at the dancefloor and I can’t-“ I can’t handle it because I want you and I want you to look at me the way I look at you “I… how can you not see it, Simon? It’s so obvious-“
“I don’t see it because I only have eyes on you!”
Simon’s words are said in a rush as they halt whatever stupidity was about to come out of Wille’s mouth again. Simon’s eyes are closed in this way when he has something difficult to share. A memory of that night Simon came out to him flashes right in front of Wille’s eyes as he looks at him right now, his best friend looking so similar to that moment.
Wilhelm doesn’t fully register nor understand what his words mean.
Simon’s eyes snap open then and he stares at Wille with something akin to fear in them.
“Shit,” he mutters “I didn’t mean to say that. I’m sorry. I-, I mean-“ he keeps stumbling over his words, so unlike Simon.
Wille’s brain slowly begins to come online.
Simon not noticing all the people staring at him because he’s always looking at… Wille?
This doesn’t make sense. Wille shakes his head to physically try to chase the fog away from his brain.
“Simon…” he doesn’t really know what to say, only the name making it past his lips.
His best friend closes his eyes again and exhales, as if bracing himself for something or mustering up the courage to confess something.
“I like you, Wille,” he looks straight at Wilhelm as he speaks, his eyes conveying all the honesty the world holds basically “in a… more than a friend way. I have for a while,” the last part is said quieter but still enough for Wilhelm to hear.
The echo of the sounds of the party from behind the door is the only thing that can be heard in the small room then. Simon drops his gaze as if ashamed and bites his lip in that nervous manner of his.
And Wille wants to speak, he really does but he feels frozen in place, his lips moving but not making any sounds. He wants to reach out, show Simon in any way that he feels the same. Simon knows better than anyone how spoken words tend to fail him so he’d understand, but it seems like he’s still not fully letting everything sink in.
Simon’s sigh breaks the silence.
“I know this possibly ruins everything. We can just-, I mean, we could just forget about all this. Wille, I don’t think I could handle losing you, so please can we just forget I ever said anything or-“
“Simon,” the name comes out sharper than he intended to but he needs Simon to stop right now.
His best friend looks at him, the scared expression that Wille hates twisting his features. He needs it gone now.
He exhales, letting the words he’s been keeping in so long now finally roll off his tongue, the ones he’s been dreaming of saying but never really believed it would be possible for him to say them.
“I like you too, Simon,” he admits “in more than a friend way. I-, I actually think…” he hesitates but to hell with it. He’s going to lay it all out. “I love you, Simon. I’m in love with you.”
Simon stares at him in shock basically, his lips parted slightly and he blinks a few times. Wille stares back, not letting his gaze drop, making sure Simon knows he meant every word he said.
Too much, Wille thinks then, you said too much, idiot, it’s going to scare him off now, you’ve just ruined any chances you had with him.
He opens his mouth to apologize. Not take it back, he would never take it back, but to somehow soothe the situation-
“Time’s up, lovebirds!” Henry yanks the door of the closet open but it takes more than a few seconds for the both of them to shake off from what just happened and they keep staring at each other some more, even with the door open now.
Simon seems to be the first one to recover. He reaches across the space of the room to grab Wille’s wrist and pulls him out of the closet. Wilhelm expects him to drop his hand as they step out, but instead, he feels himself being dragged somewhere by his best friend.
As confused as he is, he trusts Simon immensely and would follow him anywhere anyway.
He manages to catch a glance at Felice as she throws him an utterly confused expression, mouthing what’s going on? at him. But he doesn’t get a chance to reply as Simon tugs him out of the room.
They climb up the stairs, Wille almost tripping three times but the urgency of Simon’s movements doesn’t flatter. He doesn’t stop until they find themselves in one of Felice’s guest bathrooms and Simon locks the door behind them, closing them alone in the space.
The staring contest continues then for a while then, both of them breathing a little heavier after the unexpected and slightly depleting journey. Felice’s house is huge.
Eventually, Simon asks.
“Did you mean it?”
Wille knows he should answer but first, he lets himself take Simon in. His best friend is panting slightly, his chest moving up and down a bit more frantically than usual. His wild curls and bronze skin contrasting with the white tiles on the walls of Felice’s bathroom. Simon’s gaze is anticipating, his shiny eyes questioning, with a glint of fear but also maybe hope there. He’s beautiful. He’s the most beautiful person Wille has ever seen and he’s never been more in love.
That and the spark of hope in Simon’s eyes make Wille nod.
“I did,” he says then, his voice coming out hoarse. He clears his throat “I did. I do, Simon. I love you.”
Simon lets out an exhale and Wille watches as the line of his shoulders relaxes a little, as the beginning of a smile begins to curl at the corners of his lips.
For a moment, Wille is totally ready to witness Simon laugh him off for his confession. But deep down he knows his best friend would never be so cruel as to do such a thing.
But it can’t be that Simon reciprocates his feelings, can it?
Simon takes a step closer so they’re almost chest to chest now. His eyes roam over Wilhelm’s face and Wille feels himself breathing a little heavier again, it having nothing to do with the exhaustion now but with Simon’s proximity. He swallows, still waiting for some words from his best friend, the anticipation making his head spin.
Simon tilts his head to the side a little, his eyes settling on Wille’s again. He reaches out with his palm and gently places it on Wille’s cheek. It’s warm to the touch, comforting but also as if electrified, causing shivers to run through Wille’s body and charging the air between them.
“Wille,” Simon begins eventually, his voice is quiet but it feels like he’s even closer now, their chests touching with barely any space in between. An even bigger smile blossoms on Simon’s face “I love you too.”
Wilhelm lets out an exhale he feels like he’s been holding since Simon stepped closer to him, everything crashing onto him now as he lets Simon’s words sink in. The words he always wanted to hear from his best friend in this context but never really believed it would happen.
Till now it seems.
“Yeah?” He asks in a whisper, still disbelieving everything that’s just happened.
Simon chuckles, the sweet sound ringing pleasantly in Wille’s ears.
“Yeah,” he confirms, the word equally as quiet as Wilhelm’s but it’s enough. It’s more than enough and it brings some new wave of confidence to course through Wille.
“Can I kiss you?” He asks bluntly, scanning Simon’s face for any sign of discomfort.
He finds none. And Simon’s smile now could totally rival the sun from how bright it is.
“Yes, please,” his best friend exhales an answer.
They both move, slowly and hesitantly at first. The hand Simon’s been keeping on Wille’s cheek pressed down a bit firmer as Wilhelm leans down, their noses touching. He watches as Simon closes his eyes, his expression as full of ease as Wilhelm feels in his heart now. His eyes fall shut too as they breathe the same air, they're breathing the only sound in the room beside the thump of Wille’s own heart in his ears.
He tilts his head a little, closing the distance between them as their lips finally touch.
Maybe it should feel weird, kissing your best friend. But first Wille is hit with the feeling of right. It’s like some pieces of a puzzle slot together as they kiss. In a way, it feels familiar, Simon’s body pressed to his bringing just as much comfort as always. But it’s also new and exciting in a way that makes Wille’s whole body tremble as if high on this unknown, exhilarating feeling.
Their lips move against each other, gently and slowly, as if testing the waters in a way. Wilhelm’s arms find their way around Simon’s waist to press their bodies flush. Simon’s palm slides from his cheek to his neck, the other also joining on the other side, his thumbs caressing the skin there gently.
They pull back eventually when they run out of air. Simon looks at him as if in wonder when he opens his eyes and he smiles. Wille feels himself mirroring it before they dive into another kiss. This one feeling way less hesitant than before.
This one feels like a finally. Finally, I get to have you like this, finally, you know, finally, we can be us.
Simon’s fingers tangle in the hair at the nape of Wille’s neck as he opens his mouth into the kiss more. Wilhelm’s hand finds purchase on his hips and he steers Simon back gently till he hits the bathroom counter behind him, startling a soft gasp out of him. Their lips slide from each other but swiftly find their way back to reconnect.
“When,” Simon pants out when the lack of air becomes a problem again “when did you realise? How you feel about me I mean.”
“I-, I think I’ve been feeling like this for a long time but only recently realised,” Wilhelm admits, feeling his cheeks heat up. Simon touches his hand to the blush raising there tenderly. “What about?” Wille asks back hesitantly.
“Same basically,” Simon laughs a little, “we wasted so much time!” He almost whines, prompting a laugh out of Wilhelm.
“It’s okay,” he reaches out to sweep a loose curl from Simon’s forehead and tuck it safely behind his ear “we have a lot of time ahead of us. Together. That is… if you want to, I mean.” He finishes up insecurely and bites his lip.
“I want to,” Simon replies instantly, with no hesitation and it makes Wille smile.
“I want to too,” Wilhelm echoes quietly, nudging their noses together again as he leans back into Simon’s space.
“Good, we’re on the same page then,” Simon retorts, startling a laugh out of both of them at how official the words sound.
Wilhelm decides he’s not in the mood for more words now and Simon seems to agree as they both eagerly lean in for another kiss.
There will be time for talking later. For figuring everything out, for admitting to the long-felt feelings, for laughing about how stupid they were when all of this time they could have been doing just that. Holding each other and kissing in a way that steals all of the breath out of Wille’s lungs and makes his skin tingle.
For now, this is all he wants to do. To enjoy this moment with Simon. And look forward to all the similar moments like this that will come.
He kisses Simon a bit harder, making a split-of-a-second decision and sliding his hands to the back of his thighs to lift him on to the bathroom counter. Simon gasps again into the kisses but welcomes the change of position as he eagerly wraps his arms around Wille’s neck and brings him down to the kiss.
There’s a faint sound of a knock on the door but Wille might as well be imagining it. All of his senses are clouded by Simon once more and this time, he lets himself lose it. Lose himself in Simon.
They kiss and kiss till their lips almost go numb but they don’t want to stop. It’s like they’re making up for all the lost time they spend being idiots instead of confessing their feelings for each other.
But it really is okay. They have all the time now.
Another, now more serious series of knocks on the door sounds around the small space of the room.
“ Please. Open the door,” a voice Wille recognizes as Sara sounds through the door “I really have to use the bathroom.”
Simon breaks the kiss and throws his head back with a laugh that Wilhelm can feel vibrating pleasantly against his chest. And he laughs too, burying his face into Simon’s chest. He feels gentle fingers combing through his hair as they both try to calm down from their laughing fit.
Eventually, he pulls back and looks at his best friend, boyfriend, again. Simon’s eyes are shining with that special, signature Simon spark he loves so much. His smile is blinding, his cheeks flushed and lips well-kissed.
It’s the most beautiful sight Wilhelm has ever witnessed. And now he’ll get to see it more often.
“Come on,” Simon hops down from the counter eventually and laces their fingers together as he unlocks the door and opens it so they can leave.
They are met with Felice and Sara on the other side. Simon’s sister basically pushes them out of the way as she speeds to the bathroom. Felice exhales and a relieved expression falls onto her face.
“Are you guys okay?” She asks with a hint of concern. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere! What the hell happened there-“ she stops in her tracks as her gaze seems to land on their joined hands. Her mouth opens as if she wanted to speak but no words come at first.
“We’re okay, Felice,” Wilhelm assures her then and feels Simon lean a bit more into his side and nod.
“I-,” Felice is still startled but recovers fairly quickly, her lips pulling into a smirk “I can see that now.”
Wilhelm knows he’s full-on blushing now, but he doesn’t care in the slightest.
“I expect the whole story,” the girl points a threatening finger at them and they nod dutifully, knowing damn well she won’t let this go “but for now, just enjoy the party,” she retorts, her expression softening.
“We will,” Simon declares and tugs at Wille’s hand to lead them back to the living room. Wilhelm can feel Felice’s eyes on them as they make their way back.
He’s even kind of ready for her I told you so, which he knows is coming.
They spend the rest of the party by each other’s side, exchanging soft kisses, keeping close at all times. Wilhelm quickly gives up on trying to find Marcus in the crowd of people to see his reaction to them. This becomes literally the last thing on his mind when he has so many better things to do. Like kissing Simon, holding Simon, being with Simon.
He doesn’t mind in the slightest that his whole mind and heart for that matter is occupied with Simon. Not when his boyfriend is looking back at him with those beautiful, gleaming brown eyes, so full of affection every time they steal a glance at each other.
Wille never thought he’d ever be grateful for a game of seven minutes in heaven of all things.
But it brought Simon to him in a way that he’s so excited to explore now, so maybe, just maybe he’s kind of glad Simon dragged him to this party here tonight.
All he knows is that, party or no party, he’ll always follow Simon anywhere.