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The adrenaline was running through Fuwa Sho's body as he left the stage, the crowd still screaming his name. As the voices echoed down the backstage passages, he couldn't help but to smile to himself. Yeah this was a good one, he thought gleefully as he went into the dressing room and changed out of his sweaty clothing.
Shoko was already outside his door when he came out. She sighed once she saw Sho's outfit, but said nothing. The usual ensemble of clothing was distinct in its "rock" style, rips and leather galore, but the rugged look didn't take away from Sho's grin, still as wide as it had been since the performance ended. After a walkthrough of the stage manager's notes and their timing for the next concert, the duo began to head out. The silence between them was only broken by the jingle of chains on his attire moving in time to his pace as he walked down the hall with Shoko.
Sho had just finished the "LOVE" concert on his tour, each themed after a romantic feeling. As always he made sure to look into the crowd, throwing glances and winks at the screaming fans, but he sang into the cameras the most. The concert special had been broadcasted live all the way to Tokyo, where he hoped in a childlike manner that Kyoko had been watching, even if just for a moment.
There was that feeling again, the one that appeared every time Kyoko's mere name crossed his mind. It was the kind of sensation that itched at the back of his mind, that both sunk into every nerve and yet seemed weightless due to its simple existence. His heart was alight and that was enough. Maybe, deep down, Sho registered that all those songs were dedicated to her, and even further beyond that, he hoped through the lyrics she saw he was talking to her.
At the forefront of his mind though, he was just excited at the prospect of the broadcast.
They exited the back of the stadium into the parking lot, the tour workers making quick work of dissembling his backdrops and taking up the equipment into the tour buses. Shoko gave them a wave as they got into their car, where she drove them to the hotel they were resting at. He stayed silent for once, caught up in a moment of happiness.
"You're usually going on and on about how the concert went, just what are you smiling about?" Shoko asked after a while, her lips quirked up. Sho took a moment before he just shrugged, unsure of how to explain. He felt like he didn't owe her an insight to those feelings, seeing as he was barely letting himself indulge in them as it was.
They soon arrived at the hotel, both walking in and riding the elevator to their floor. She had been babbling about the tour and his health, which Sho had been deftly tuning out as he reminisced on Kyoko - had she seen the concert, what will she think?
"You need to sleep more, Sho. As it is staying up for no reason isn't good for your health," Shoko was saying as she noticed the forming of black circles under Sho's eyes. He shrugged off her touch.
"I'll be fine," he muttered as the elevator doors opened.
Shoko followed Sho, telling him the importance of sleeping all the way to his room.
"Goodnight Shoko," he grumbled, walking into his room.
"And make sure you actually sleep this time!" Shoko managed to say before Sho closed the door on her face. Leaning against the door, he let out a sigh of relief. Sho rubbed at his eyes, the adrenaline wearing off and the fatigue seeping in, tired out of his mind. Scratching at his hair, he took in the welcome basket the hotel had set out for him, filled to the brim with treats and some decent bottles of alcohol.
At the sight he couldn't help but to notice his dry throat, rubbing at it mindlessly. He thought maybe he could take a shower before heading off to bed, but the idea of a drink was far more tempting. Sho walked over to the kitchenette and rummaged through the fridge until he found a beer. He didn't do grocery hauls on tours, but he always made sure to have beverages at hand.
He went to the living room, turning on the television and switching it to the news, hoping to catch coverage about him on it. He opened the can and took a sip as a new story was coming on.
"Breaking news in our fame sector," began a giddy young woman, "Tsuruga Ren, top male celebrity and the most wanted man in Japan, has finally found a partner, Mogami Kyoko, a rising fellow actress who has worked with him in numerous projects."
Sho choked on the fizzy liquid, before spitting it out, mouth agape. He could feel his heart slowly sinking as he sat down on the couch. He quickly grabbed the remote and raised the volume as the reporter continued.
"The new couple announced, or revealed," she gave another giggle.
Frustrated, Sho yelled at the reporter, "Continue already!" His beer was forgotten in hand.
"This news was revealed when asked in their latest interview about the circling romance rumor and they confirmed it to be true," she finally managed to say.
Sho couldn't believe it.
"Here we can see the couple in an embrace as they walk out the interviewing station." The screen was immediately switched to a picture of them both, flashing camera lights scattered around Kyoko's blushing face looking up at Ren, who smiled down at her with his arm wrapped around her waist.
Sho's eyes began to sting as he stared at the screen. Too many seconds went by as the reporters gushed on.
Eyes burning, he wiped at them aggressively. I'm not going cry, I don't care, he thought weakly.
Eventually his pain fought through his pride. He paused the television before standing up to pace, muttering to himself.
"This couldn't have happened. I've only been gone for a week. Not much should have happened in a week. This couldn't have happened, it couldn't have happened..." He muttered over and over again to himself.
"Not now, when I just..." He stopped and looked at the screen, where it was frozen on the couple. Sho leaned against the wall and sank to the ground, as his heart felt so heavy and he didn't think he could take it anymore. He grabbed his head and tried to breathe through his crushed lungs.
Kyoko and Ren... a couple? He knew Ren had feelings for the girl, but them together? He wouldn't have thought of it in a million years.
The feeling from earlier suddenly grew in tenfold, seemingly taking over every sensation. The thought that was always in the back of his mind whenever he saw Kyoko, to annoy her, to enrage her to the point that she was consumed with only him, the same way he was often overwhelmed by her. It had to mean something, other than the pettiness that heightened every time he saw that face, golden eyes alight with passion.
That passion - the same feelings he ached for that emitted from her eyes now in that photo, staring at Tsuruga Ren.
Tsuruga Ren.
Ren.
"That's supposed to be me there," he whispered out loud.
Stunned at his own thoughts, he let those words sink in.
"Why did I let you go? Why, why?" Sho muttered.
The thought of them together went round and round, the photo making a mockery of him. He trembled, shaking so badly that he eventually had to get on his knees to not be knocked over.
With a cry, he finally snapped.
"THIS WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN! THIS WASN'T HOW IT WAS SUPPOSED TO END! SHE SHOULD BE WITH ME, CRAWLING BACK TO ME, LOVING ME, AND ONLY ME!"
He screamed, his voice echoing through the huge room. Starting to breathe in heavily, it seemed as though the air was not reaching his lungs.
I need a drink, he thought desperately, wanting the cold pain to disappear from his heart. Glancing up, he saw his unfinished beer from earlier teetering on the edge of the couch. He looked down at the ground before shakily standing and snatching it up. Finishing it with a single gulp, he rushed over to the fridge and pulled out all he had.
Soon, bottles of beer were empty, leaving Sho still very much conscious albeit now extremely tipsy. He let out a groan, unsatisfied with the buzz the drinks had left him with.
Stepping away from the fridge, the table presented the welcome basket and he came eye-to-eye with those bottles. Fingers shaking, he ripped through the cellophane, deftly grabbing a whiskey bottle. Sho quickly opened the bottle and took a swig. The liquid burned its way down his throat and made his nose numb for a moment, but Sho knew the pain would soon leave.
He turned to the screen, the frozen image of Kyoko in Ren's arms shoving spikes into his heart.
The image set his mind ablaze with an inner turmoil.
"No!" He screamed at them, and hurled the control at the screen. The control hit Ren's face and a crack appeared, leaving behind a fuzzy static that could be seen in place of the image. Sho laughed, the mixings of alcohol having a quick effect.
He never was a good drinker.
"Take that, Ren," he muttered with a strange smile before taking another swig. He tried to rush through it, barely tasting the alcohol as he downed as much as he could stomach. He finished what he could, mixing the drinks before him until his pain was forgotten.
Soon, Sho got tired of the screaming silence and turned the hotel's radio on to an American station. The room was suddenly busting with noise. Sho danced along the tunes as they passed, kicking everything that got into his way, trying to sing along with the songs through his slur. He moved to the rhythm, not really listening to the words, drinking from his bottle until he had to lie down before he fell on his face.
He laughed to himself as he realized again the television was broken. He forgot why the screen was broken anyway, the alcohol having a strong stupor over his mind.
Around him, the room was basically in ruins, glass broken, picture frames on the floor, lamps smashed. He laughed again, taking another swig.
Suddenly, a guitar began the introduction of a song. Sho liked it, so he decided to listen for once.
I would say I'm sorry If I thought that it would change your mind
But I know that this time I've said too much
Been too unkind
He froze, the haze seemingly lifted as he remembered why he was doing this.
"Kyoko..." He mumbled.
Sho thought some, before continuing out loud.
"I would say sorry, I've tried but you never accept! You don't come back! I know what I said, but..."
The song went on before he could continue his drunken rant.
I try to laugh about it
Cover it all up with lies
I try and
Laugh about it
Hiding the tears in my eyes 'cause boys don't cry
Boys don't cry
He froze, staring at the radio.
Biting his lip, he remembered the feeling in his eyes when he saw Ren and Kyoko together. He knew what it meant. His pride would never let him actually say what he wanted to Kyoko. That's why he did this concert, he realized dimly, hoping she would see every time he glanced at the cameras he was looking right at her.
I would break down at your feet
And beg forgiveness
Plead with you
But I know that
It's too late
And now there's nothing I can do
There isn't, all he could do before was force Kyoko to keep thinking of him, so he wouldn't be forgotten. However, even Ren had taken that pleasure away.
"Kyoko..."
So I try to laugh about it
Cover it all up with lies
I try to laugh about it
Hiding the tears in my eyes 'cause boys don't cry
He felt the stinging again.
"NO!" Sho whined, "I'm not going to cry over this..."
He himself wasn't sure what he was talking about anymore.
"Why, Kyoko, why did I let you go?"
I would tell you
That I loved you
If I thought that you would stay
But I know that it's no use
That you've already
Gone away
"I know what I said in the beginning, to drag you here, but I do! I do love you!" He muttered painfully.
"But you're in his arms, you're happy... away from me," Sho hissed, covering his eyes with his arm, hoping it would stop that one image of Kyoko with Ren from being played again and again through his head.
"Why not me?"
Misjudged your limits
Pushed you too far
Took you for granted
I thought that you needed me more
"I did take you for granted, I made you my maid, not caring, until I realized how much I loved you," Sho said quickly, as if he was talking to Kyoko now.
"You were always there; even when I made sure to show you I didn't care, pushing you to do things, to support me, when all I want to do is to take care of you! I see now that I was always yours! And always will be! But..." He faltered, eyes down.
"You're finally with someone who loves you, and not afraid to show it. I wasn't good enough..."
The stinging finally let the tears fall, and as he cried, the song continued.
Now I would do most anything
To get you back by my side
But I just
Keep on laughing
Hiding the tears in my eyes 'cause boys don't cry
Boys don't cry
Boys don't cry
"They don't," Sho blubbered as the tears fell, "They just don't." He curled into a ball, hoping the pain would leave.
After he managed to compose himself a bit, Sho looked up, staring angrily at the radio. His pride was slowly coming back.
"I can't believe I just cried to a song!" He cried, but he let them flow.
He thought of the song, the words, and sniffed.
"She was supposed to be mine."
He gripped the bottle in his hand tightly.
Slowly, tears streaming down his face, Sho slipped into unconsciousness, the final notes of the song echoing through his head.