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Now that majority of the kids were out of the house, Loki had the space to have his own study. It was filled to the brim with books and knick-knacks which caused Tony to call him a hoarder. To be fair, he wasn't completely wrong, Loki always had a habit of hanging onto things for a century too long. He had just finished hanging up an old map of Alfheim when he heard a knock on the door frame behind him. Turning around, he found Narfi and Vali standing there looking nervous.
"Boys, this is a surprise! I thought we were not expecting you until next weekend"
Narfi looked at his brother who stepped into the room first "Yeah, we were planning on coming home next weekend but we had the time and decided to come this weekend too"
Loki smiled at them "Well, it is always nice having you both home"
He pulled them both in for a brief hug but the boys clung to him tightly. Waiting for them to tell him what was wrong, Loki just held them close and rubbed their backs soothingly. After a few moments, they both pulled away and looked at one another nervously.
Sighing, Loki motioned for them to sit as he leaned against his desk "You clearly have something on your minds. Are you in trouble?"
Vali shook his head and Narfi furrowed his brows "No, of course not, why you do always think that?"
"Because you are my children and it would not surprise me" He laughed at their eye rolls "You are not in trouble but clearly there is something the matter"
"I wouldn't say there's anything wrong just something on our minds" Narfi said quietly, looking to his brother to continue
Vali took a breath before sitting up straighter "We have been wondering about Sigyn. We, uh, would like to know what our mom was like"
"Oh"
"I told Vali this was a stupid idea, we can forget we asked-" Narfi stopped when Loki put a hand on his knee
"Of course you are curious about your mother. I was just surprised by the inquiry is all. What would you like to know?"
"Anything" "Everything" The boys said at the same time
Smiling, Loki took a breath before saying "Sigyn was an amazing woman. She was kind and intelligent but also cunning and menacing. She was very much like myself which is most likely why Odin chose me to marry her"
"Marrying her wasn't your choice?" Narfi asked hesitantly
"No, not exactly. I loved your mother but not in the same way that I love Anthony. Her and I grew up together, we studied magic together and became friends quite easily. She was my best friend but we never truly loved one another beyond that"
Narfi leaned a little closer "How long were you married before" He trailed off, not wanting to say it
"We were married for three years before her passing" Loki got up and walked over to the bookshelf where he had a picture displayed. Carefully, he took it off the shelf and brought it over to the boys, holding it out for them to take "This was taken on our two year wedding anniversary. We decided to take a trip to Alfheim as she had never been, this was taken of us during one of the feasts we attended"
Vali looked it over closely before handing it to Narfi and looking back at Loki "You both look so happy"
"We were happy. As I said, Sigyn was my best friend and we always had fun adventures together. After that trip, we returned to Asgard and decided to try our hand at parenting. Enough time had passed since the triplets that I felt I could move on and she always wanted to be a mother. I had never seen her happier than the day she found out she was pregnant with you both"
Handing the photo back to Loki, Narfi sniffed "It's too bad she never got to meet us then"
"It is not fair and I am sorry that there was not more that I could do"
"What happened?"
"She fell ill when she was about three months along and the healers told her that she may not be able to carry you to full term. It was recommended that she terminate the pregnancy for the sake of her health but she refused. Sigyn fought for your lives with every fiber of her being"
Vali's eyes were wide "Why didn't she choose to terminate? She could've lived"
"It was never a choice in her mind. She never hesitated in putting your lives ahead of her own. Her diagnosis was terminal either way, it was just a matter of how much time she had left. I went to different healers on every realm I could access, looking for a solution, but there was no cure"
"Why don't you hate us?" Narfi whispered
"What? How could I ever hate you?"
"Your wife died because of us. If she hadn't wanted us then she could-"
Loki knelt down next to his chair and cupped his cheek "Shh, my love, no. I have never looked at it that way. Yes, I wish things could have been different and you two could have grown up with your mother in your lives. However, I do not ever blame you for what happened. I am beyond blessed to have you both in my life and your mother would be so proud to see the young men you have become"
Both boys joined him on the ground and pulled him into a crushing hug. They all remained in a heap on the floor as Vali rubbed his eyes "Do you ever think about her?"
"All the time. I am constantly reminded of her when I look at you both"
Narfi looked confused "Everyone always tells us that we look nothing like her, she was blonde"
Loki gave a soft laugh "Yes, my features seem to have been dominate but those who really knew her can see her in you. You both have her eyes and her gentle spirit. When you smile or laugh, you look just like her"
Vali burrowed further into Loki's side and mumbled into his shirt "Do you think she would've liked us?"
"I do not think, I know. She already loved you the second she knew of your existence. You know, she gave me very strict instructions before she passed"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, for starters; Your names were to be Narfi and Vali and I was to not suggest anything different. Your last name was to be 'Lokison' even though that was not the Vanir way to do things. Finally, you were not to be raised in Asgard"
Narfi pulled away first but remained on the floor "Why didn't she want us raised on Asgard?"
Loki sighed "She knew I was not happy there and was worried it would effect the both of you. We agreed to move to Vanaheim near her parents once you were born but then everything happened so fast and" He trailed off, not knowing how to answer. Looking at the boys, he felt a pang of guilt "I can never apologize enough for not being there after Sigyn's passing"
Vali pulled away and looked at his brother before speaking firmly "Papa. We aren't upset about that. We understand and honestly, we were too young to remember. This was why we were hesitant to ask about her, we didn't want you to be upset or blame yourself or think that we didn't have a good childhood or something"
Narfi was nodding "Yeah, Papa, we've never wanted for anything and the earliest memories we have are of you and Dad. He was actually another reason we were worried to bring up Sigyn"
"How do you mean?"
"Well, we didn't want him to think that we wished we had our mom over him"
"I would never blame you for wanting your mom" They all startled as Anthony spoke from the doorway. He gave them all a small smile before joining them on the floor "Do you guys have any clue how big a momma's boy your Papa is?"
"Hey!" Loki started to argue but Tony held his hand up to stop him.
"It's not a bad thing, Sweetheart, and I constantly wish that my mom was still around. Point being, neither of us blame you for wanting her to still be here. It sucks that you never got to meet your mom. Lokes and I talked a lot about the lack of female around here, it's why we constantly had Pepper and Nat and Jane over here. We wanted you to have some sort of female figure to help fill the void or something"
Vali shook his head "We never felt like we needed anything more than we have. Besides, Papa is sometimes mom depending on the day so we never really missed out"
They all got to their feet and Loki put a hand on each boys cheek "As I said before, your mother would be very proud to see the young men you have become. I know that I am"
The boys smiled and looked to Tony who wiped away a tear "Oh, shut up, I'm allowed to be emotional"
"Aww, Dad" "You big baby"
"Our kids are mean, Lo"
Narfi patted Tony's shoulder "You can take it"
Vali started to leave the room, pulling Narfi with him "Let's watch some old home movies to really get Dad going"
"Brats! The both of you, big brats!" Tony said as he followed them
Smiling, Loki shook his head at his families antics. He picked the picture of him and Sigyn back up and brought it back to the bookshelf. Resting it carefully on the shelf, he gave it one last glance before leaving the room as well. He was most likely overthinking, but he could've sworn he felt that familiar tingle of Sigyn's seidr brush against his shoulder as he sat with their sons.