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Xavier feels jealous, he doesn’t know why– okay that would be a lie he knows why. The reason why are walking hand in hand, talking between themselves, smiling at each other like a pair of love birds. Well, only one is smiling. The sight nauseates him, making his blood boil with anger. He heard the rumours about Wednesday dating a normie, but he never thought it would be him. God was clearly having a laugh at his expense and it’s not sitting right with him. He shouldn’t be pissed about it, he should be happy for his Wednesday, she’s his friend after all.
But he can’t, not when–
“Boo!” he yelps, as he whirls his head around, and it’s none other than Enid.
“What the fuck?” he glares at her, clutching his chest, ears ringing.
“Watcha doing?” she asks, but when he doesn’t give her an answer, she looks over his shoulders, and her eyes light up with recognition. He groans inwardly, and chastises himself for being obvious. If Enid found out about his little not so little crush on a normie slash apparently Wednesday’s boyfriend now, everyone in their school would know about it by next morning.
“Are you jealous?” she looks at him, before chuckling quietly to herself.
“Me? Never,” he says, but the words sound false even to his ears. Enid looks at him then, eyes softening, but before he’s able to ponder over that, she claps his shoulders, and shifts her gaze to look at the aforementioned couple with determination. Still perplexed, he watches slightly horrified as she starts to teeter them to Wednesday and Tyler.
“What are you doing?” he hisses at her.
“Nothing,” she says, between clenched teeth.
He’s fucked now, he knows it’s not nothing. It’s Enid for god’s sake, it’s never nothing with her. He should go, and preferably now, because of course they spotted them with the way Enid is waving at Wednesday and Tyler, yelling their names. He keeps asking Enid what the hell is up with her mind, but her firm grip on him just tightens, as they approach the lovely couple.
“Oh hello Enid,” Wednesday says, “Xavier,” she nods in his direction, and he gives her a restrained smile in return. When Tyler spots him, his whole face lights up, and he beams at Xavier and his chest aches. Enid grips on him lessens, and he sees the chance to break free, and get the hell away from Wednseday and her dumb boyrfriend’s face. He turns away, mumbling a half-hearted apology, gesturing at his non-ringing phone. He notices the disappointed frown Tyler is wearing from the corner of his eyes.
-
“You’ve been avoiding me. Well… Tyler too, I guess.”
He looks up from his plate of food, which isn’t much, just two slices of pizza, baked potatoes and a side salad. He’s never been much of an eater, but he’s stress eating now, and the reason why is sitting in front of him. Wednesday came at the wrong time, especially with such a question. He’s been carefully avoiding her, and Tyler. Not much of an effort if he was being honest with himself, but it’s still irritating that he has to watch for them everywhere he goes, and tries to go unnoticed, which again, rarely happens since he’s an outcast. It worked most of the time…
Fuck it, he’s lying to himself, most of the time they catch him. Who’s stupid enough to go to a coffee shop where Tyler works? Of course they’re going to see him, since apparently both of them are now attached by the hip, which only resulted in intensifying the rumours about their so-called relationship. In turn, it led to Xavier being in more of a shit mood than usual, since his nightmares still hold the first place of making Xavier a miserable dick.
“I’m not. I’ve just been busy,” he retorts back, dropping his fork. When Wednesday shoots him an unconvinced look, he continues. “I’m not, trust me.”
“Alright then.”
“You have nothing else to say?”
“No... I think all my questions have been answered,” she says, her lips twitched upwards. It makes him frown, and he tries not to reflect on it. Wednesday always had the ability to frustrate him, most of the time unintentionally.
Done with his food, he gets up, ignoring Wednesday and his half-finished plate.
Running away is the only thing he feels capable of doing these days. He knows he’s acting like a spineless dick, but he’s too miserable to dwell on his behaviour. Maybe when he finally gets over Tyler, he’ll be able to berate himself for the things that he had done.
Once he’s in his dorm room, he lets himself fall on top of his bed.
-
He hates the outreach day. And hates it even more when he’s been assigned to work with Tyler at the Weathervane. It’s just one day, he thinks to himself. Nothing bad will happen. At least that’s what he hopes for.
The bell rings, once he opens the door, and a pair of green eyes find his blue ones. When they see him, those green eyes light up. Tyler’s whole face lights up, and god he looks beautiful. Xavier can do nothing but stare.
Seconds pass by; Them staring at each other. Xavier hasn't seen Tyler since the rumours started, so he's allowed himself to drown in his gaze, drinking in the comfort his presence radiates. He’s allowed to be selfish this one time, because that’s all he’ll get. He breaks out of his reverie when Tyler beckons him over with a grin.
Once he’s in his work apron for the day, he leaves the employees room to the back of the counter, readying himself for the day. He does all of this with the other boy staring at him. Of course Tyler has to ruin his slightly peaceful mood by asking him why he has been distant lately, and why he’s been seemingly avoiding him and Wednesday.
He has nothing to offer as an answer other than a shrug.
“Seriously?” Tyler asks him, baffled.
“I’ve been busy,” he repeats, the same thing he’s said to Wednesday.
“Is that right?”
“What’s up with the questions?” he retorts.
Silence settles over them, and Tyler seems to want to say something, looking at him with a vulnerable look.
“I just miss my friend,” Tyler admits quietly.
He has nothing to say, because he knows if he opens his mouth everything will come out, and he won’t be able to stop. No one deserves that, especially not Tyler. He swallows past the lump in his throat, and he smiles softly at Tyler.
If it feels forced, no one points it out.
They work in peace mostly throughout the whole day, which Xavier is immensely grateful for. Wednesday comes in, her and Tyler chat for a bit, and he ignores them. When the day finally ends, he’s more than happy to get back to his bed, even though he knows nightmares await him. He’s too exhausted to care, and it seems like the universe had other plans.
“Are we going to talk about it?” Tyler says, coming out from the back room. Xavier, too tired to stay up for even a second more, settles himself into a nearby chair.
“About what exactly?” he mumbles through a yawn.
“About the fact that you’ve been avoiding me,” Tyler replies, standing over him with a strange look.
“As I said before, I’m busy Tyler, what do you want me to do?”
“Liar.”
Xavier frowns with heavy lidded eyes, “What?”
“You’re lying, I know you are,” Tyler states, as he slides back the chair in front of Xavier to sit. The accusation sobers him up a little, and he looks at Tyler then. The sight makes his heart feel tight. He looks sad, heartbroken.
And Xavier has been the cause of it.
“I’m sorry,” he apologises, voice thick with emotion. He reaches to take Tyler’s hand, tangling their fingers together. It feels soft under his palm, and he lets his thumb caress the side of Tyler’s hand.
“Can you tell me why?”
“It’s nothing, really.”
“Am I not your friend? Can’t you just tell me? I miss you,” Tyler whispers quietly, pleading.
Tyler’s words hurt, a dagger crossing through his heart. It’s the fact that Tyler had dared to question their friendship that hurt. He should apologise, he knows he should, because it’s all his fault after all. He should make up for it. But instead, the rage that he’s been trying to hold down for weeks now finally breaks, and Tyler is its victim.
“Just because you defended me from some bullies—Out of pity, since you did it before, doesn't give you the right to ask about my life. It is none of your business, at all. And just because your friends dropped your ass doesn’t mean every person that gives you the slightest sign of attention or breathes in your direction wants to be,” Tyler snaps, and feels guilty the moment the words leave his mouth.
What he doesn’t expect is Tyler laughing, like this is some big joke. He stares at the other boy completely perplexed by the sudden outburst.
“I’m sorry?” Xavier tries to apologise but it sounds more like a question with the way Tyler is laughing.
“I like it when you’re mean to me,” Tyler finally says, after his laughter dies down. “Turns me on.”
“God, I’m so fucking tired for this,” he groans in his hands. When he tries to make his leave, Tyler catches his arms, and offers to drive him. “Let me drive you, you look tired.”
Exhausted to the bones, he silently agrees, and the whole ride to Nevermore they stay silent.
“So… Text me when you get to your dorm,” Tyler says, looking at Xavier, once they arrive at the front gates of the school.
He nods his head, too tired to form coherent words.
“If something is bothering you can tell me, you know.”
“Yeah, alright,” Xavier says, as he goes to open the door.
-
Xavier is readying himself for the dance. He’s been standing in front of the mirror for god knows how long, trying to fix his freaking tie.
Most fathers teach their sons how to do it. And well, his father didn’t. He’s never really been there, so Xavier doesn’t really care about it anymore. It’s not like he can change his father, because he tried before. It never worked.
The sound of knocking, breaks his line of miserable thoughts, and he calls for them to come in.
Bianca enters the room, and she looks as beautiful and elegant as ever, with her turquoise dress. She smiles the moment she sees him.
“Ready to go?” she asks him.
“No,” he grumbles, fumbling with his tie.
“Do you know how to tie it?”
“Yes!”
“Alright, stop glaring at me.” She chuckles, raising her hands in surrender.
She walks up to him, and wraps her arms around his middle.
“How is my beautiful boy?” she asks, her voice sweet yet slightly concerned.
“I’m fine,” he sighs.
He keeps trying to fix the tie. Bianca’s presence behind his back, a slight comfort.
“C’mon, let me do that for you,” she laughs, then untagles herself from him, and stands in front him now.
She fixes it in less than a minute, and he gapes at her completely shocked.
“How did you do that?” he asks, bewildered.
“I can’t tell you, it’s a secret.”
He sighs then, the happiness seems to drain him out making him even more miserable. Bianca’s gaze immediately softens, and she reaches out to cup his cheeks.
“He’s going with her,” he whispers.
“Yeah, I know. It’s gonna be okay.” she keeps caressing his cheeks, trying to comfort him.
She looks beautiful tonight, he thinks.
“I wish I wasn’t gay,” he admits to her, and her gaze only seem to soften even more. It’s not the first time he told her that, and probably won’t be the last.
“Don’t do that Xavier,” she says, before she presses her lips on his forehead. “You know I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“C’mon, we’re gonna be late for the party.” she goes to grab his arms, but he stays in his place.
He wants to ask her again, maybe she’ll listen to him now. Maybe she changed her mind.
“Can’t you j-”
“No.” her tone final. And with that he follows her out.
-
The Rave’N dance isn’t going any better. He’s sulking in a corner watching Tyler dance with Wednesday..
Bianca approaches him with a sympathetic look, once she notices where his gaze is at. She sits next to him, and takes his hand in hers. He turns to look at her, and all that exists now is them. Only them. They have been bestfriends for so long. They only ever had each other; when their families weren’t in the picture. He asks. No, he pleads with her, begs her, “Please.. can you siren-song me to forget about him?”
He begs her for the umpteenth time.
She shakes her head, looking at him with a mixture of sadness and pity, “You know I can’t do that darling.”
With a flask in the pocket of his jacket, he heads out. He hears Bianca calling out for him, but he ignores her.
-
He's had too much to drink, and his body feels out of control. Mind hazy, he trudges down the deserted streets of Jericho. Swaying a little, he accidently slips but a hand catches his arm, steadying him up. Annoyed, he turns his head to look at the person who’s helped him, alas his vision is too blurry to make out any distinct features.
“Who are you?” he slurs, as the other person lifts Xavier’s arms to put it around their shoulders. “Where are you taking me?” he asks again, panic rising in his throat, but he’s too drunk, and tired to really fight back.
He hopes the kidnapper has water at least, his mouth feels dry.
“I won’t kidnap you, don't worry,” the stranger laughs, and his voice sounds deep. It’s quite soothing if he says so himself.
He’s being carried into a car, he notices belatedly. And once he’s settled, the stranger goes to the driver’s seat.
“Uh huh.”
“What, you don’t believe me?” his kidnapper chuckles quietly.
Xavier shakes his head, unconvinced.
“Well then, I promise I’ll keep you safe. Always.”
“Can you tell me your name?” Xavier asks, turning his head around to look at the stranger. He’s beginning to sober up a little, yet his mind is still numb. He’s going to have a hell of a hangover the next morning.
“Tyler.”
“Oh.”
“Do you know me?” Tyler–apparently– asks him.
“You’re too ugly to be my Tyler,” Xavier grumbles, and not-his-Tyler laughs loudly at that.
“Can you even see me? Your eyes are all glazed over,” Tyler says, and Xavier notices that he’s smiling. The smile reminds him of his Tyler.
“Not really,” Xavier admits quietly, and looks down at his lap, before he continues, “But everyone is ugly compared to him.”
A silence settles over them, and this new Tyler must think he’s pathetic. It’s nothing new really, people called and thought of him worse.
“We’re here,” Tyler announces.
“Where?”
“Nevermore.”
“Oh yeah… you really didn’t kidnap me.” Xavier smiles at that. The new Tyler kept his promise, after all. When Xavier goes to open the door, he stumbles a little but a hand catches him for the second time this night.
“Slow down. Let me help you,” Tyler says, as he carries Xavier to his dorm.
When they reach his dorm, he stumbles to his bed, too tired and exhausted to change. He tries to sleep, but he feels another presence in his room. Confused, he raises his head, and he sees Tyler .
“What are y–” he feels a bile rise in his throat, and he makes a run to his bathroom. Once he’s in, he closes the door behind him, and throws up in the toilet. After he dumps out all the content of his stomach, he closes the lid and lets his head rest on the cool surface.
He stays like that, repeating the events of tonight in his head. He really is pathetic. Once a self-destructive bastard, always a self-destructive bastard.
Someone’s knocking on the other side of the door. He restrains himself trying to listen to the voice calling out for him.
“Xavier, can I come in? Are you alright?” calls out a panicked voice.
“Yeah,” he half-mumbles, but it’s enough for the person to hear him, because the moment the words leave his mouth, the door opens. He tries to open his heavy-lidded eyes, trying to make out who it is. A familiar pair of green eyes stare down at him, wide with concern.
“Hey,” Tyler breathes out, as he goes to pick a dry cloth from the cabinet, before he wets it with warm water, and wipes the vomit from Xavier’s face.
“Were you crying?” Tyler asks.
Xavier didn’t know that.
“C’mon, let’s get you ready for bed.” The other boy picks him up from the floor, and carries him to his bed. After he’s tucked in, mind muddled still with alcohol, he mumbles, “I wanna kiss you.”
Tyler huffs out a laugh, “You’re drunk.”
“If I wasn’t, would you?” he asks again.
“Maybe,” Tyler admits, and when Xavier looks at him, Tyler cups Xavier’s face with his hands, thumbs caressing the side of his jaw. A warm feeling settles at the pit of Xavier’s stomach.
“Goodnight, sweetheart.”
Xavier falls asleep not long after that, and he feels not quite happy, but content.
-
He visits Tyler the next morning. To apologise.
He remembers snippets of what has happened–or rather what he said last night.
His morning was spent mostly in the bathroom, throwing up. He looked at himself in the mirror, trying to look at least presentable when he decided to visit Tyler. His eyes looked bloodshot and he had bags under his eyes. It was the perfect excuse to not go, but he berated himself for even thinking about it. The quicker he deals with this situation, the better. As much as he dreads it.
It’s early in the morning for it to be filled with customers, so it doesn't come as a surprise when he’s the first one there after Tyler. The other boy comes out of the back room, and when he notices Xavier, he beckons him over. “Come sit, I’ll make you a coffee.”
Once he settles himself, Tyler comes with two cups in hand.
“One mocha latte for you, with two cups of sugar,” Tyler says, grinning at him. He’s in an awfully good mood, especially after what happened yesterday.
He grabs his coffee and takes a sip. It tastes heavenly.
Tyler stares at him with raised eyebrows, and Xavier asks him, “How did you know my order?”
The other boy looks at him like he’s grown two heads. “You’ve been coming here for nearly a year now, always ordering the same thing. Of course I’m gonna memorise it.”
“Oh,” Xavier breathes out, and he continues, “Look man, I’m sorry about last night.”
“And why are you?” Tyler replies, elbows leaning on the table. He looks like he’s suppressing a smile, although Xavier isn’t sure.
Xavier chooses to ignore him, “I know I’ve crossed a line, and I really am sorry. I was drunk even though it’s not really an excuse, but I’ve been having a bad time lately.”
“And you didn’t deserve it. I mean you’re dating Wednesday, and it’s not fair to her either.”
Tyler takes his hands and squeezes them in reassurance. “It’s fine Xavier.”
“No it’s not fine okay! I’m sorry that I said I wanted to kiss you last night. And Why are you being so fucking calm, jesus Tyler.”
Xavier removes his hands from their hold, and folds them in his lap instead.
“Wednesday and I aren’t dating.”
Now that shocks him, making his jaw goes slack.
“What?”
Tyler shrugs in response, rubbing the back of his neck in a nervous gesture. “We were just trying things out. It wasn’t serious. We realised that our interests might lie elsewhere.”
“And where that might be?” he asks, feigning interest. He wants to know if Wednesday finally realised that she has feelings for Enid. It was exhausting watching them tiptoeing around each other.
“You.” Tyler reaches for his hands again.
“What?” Xavier’s heart is beating loudly, he’s not sure of what he’s hearing.
You. It doesn’t make sense.
“Yes. You.” Tyler says, raising his hands, kissing his knuckles.
“No.” Xavier shakes his head, and Tyler drops his hands, looking at him. Hurt.
“I don’t like being the second choice Tyler,” he continues, and his voice has gone slightly shaky. “Go back to dating Wednesday, I don’t really care.”
Tyler looks at him then, a pained expression pinching his features. “Please,” he begs Xavier.
Xavier’s eyes well up with tears, and he doesn’t want them to stain his cheeks, so he tries to blink them away.
The thing that he’s wanted since the moment he laid eyes on is finally being handed to him in a silver platter. And he’s refusing it. God he’s such an idiot, and if Bianca was here, she would’ve probably knocked some sense in him.
But what if it doesn’t work? What if Xavier ruins it before it even starts?
He’d rather have Tyler as a friend than as a stranger.
If Tyler is going to ask him again, he knows he’ll say yes. Tyler is all he’s ever wanted.
“Are you serious? I don't want Wednesday okay? I want you,” Tyler says, hurt and desperation seeping out of his voice. “Have me, will you? Because I can’t handle being away from you. Not even a second.”
And Xavier can’t say no to him again. Wouldn’t be able to, even if he tried.
“Yeah,” he murmurs eventually, and Tyler looks at him then, with a hopeful expression.
“Yeah?”
“Yes,” he repeats again, but before he could comprehend what’s happening, his face is being cradled with soft hands, warmth radiating from them. Tyler kisses him, sealing his lips. Stealing his breath.
Tyler’s kiss is sweet, tender, and soft. As if afraid that he might break Xavier. Feels like he’s treading on a thin line, and Xavier is having none of it, so he opens his mouth to deepen their kiss. The other boy moans in his mouth, their tongues circling each other, tasting.
It lasts for minutes, and Xavier feels out of breath. “I think we should stop baby. I’m out of breath.” Tyler says against his lips.
“I’m baby now huh?” Xavier smiles. He can’t help it.
“Yes,” Tyler states, as he breaks their kiss. “You. Are. My. Baby,” he says, enunciating every word with a kiss on Xavier's cheeks, nose, and the corner of his mouth.
Xavier feels content now, and happy. He has the only thing he’s ever wanted.