Chapter Text
Today was an ordinary day. I was on my way to school that was filled with horrid people, well I'm no better so I shouldn't really talk.
I made my way inside the school, my sister and I separating as we made our way to our group of friends.
I guess I should tell you about me?
Names Draven, I have an older sister named Raven and a little sister named Aaven. I think you see the pattern in our names...
I'll spare you the sad sob story.
Today was another day of school, I was a sophomore and these were my friends.
"Always late huh" said Josh
Firstly Josh, he is your regular student, he does nothing important yet girls still throw themselves at him just because he is "hot"
(Man I'm gay and I wouldn't even consider him hot)
Jack put his arm around me laughing as Josh told him something.
Then there's Jack. He played for our teams football team, he was extremely talented but also extremely stupid.
Jack and Josh looked like siblings so it's no coincidence their both extremely attractive, and I say that in the most...none gay way, not that they're my type anyway.
However they weren't siblings. Their mothers had them at the same time and they grew up being best friends. Not once would you have seen them without the other.
And well I was the nobody. No girls cared about me, they only cared about Josh or Jack. I didn't care though. I didn't need attention from girls to be valid, unlike Jack or Josh I wasn't a complete narcissist, of course I'd never let others know that.
Here's the thing...to be popular you have to be fake.
So that's what I've doing. I'm not really this popular guy that's super into hot blonde chicks, or even chicks at all...pretend I never said that
I just wanted to be normal, I wanted to fit in instead of being the freak I always was. High school was a huge eye opener for me. I knew as soon as I went into high school that I had to pretend. Pretend guys don't look hot, pretend I've never felt the urge to kiss a guy, pretend I was straight.
Now that might seem stupid since it's a new age and mostly everyone is accepting. Key word people...mostly everyone. There's still so many homophobic people in this school, I guess I had to call myself that too.
I knew my sisters would be fine with it, I mean my own big sister is lesbian but yet I felt so...so wrong about it. Everyone around me always told me it was wrong, I was hurt because if it. I learned that even if my family thinks it okay, I don't.
I just wanted to be fucking normal for once!
We walked pass countless of sweaty teens (how are they even sweaty it's the start of the day??) as we made our way towards Josh's locker. As Josh was getting some books out the bell rang.
"Let's go to class" I said
We all had the same first class. We all made our way down the now empty halls. While we talked Jack bumped into someone.
I looked at who it was only to be the kid they've been...harassing? Every time I looked at this kid I felt a certain way.
"Watch where your going you fag" Jack spat.
My chest hurting as I heard him say the word fag. "That's enough Jack" I said pushing Jack away from Oliver.
"What do you say we teach this faggot a lesson?" Josh spoke up walking over to Oliver. I instantly jumped in front of Josh and pushed him back "that's enough!" I yelled.
This was normal for us, it's what we always did. I've gone years doing the same thing. I felt so empty and trapped, I couldn't escape this anymore.
Oliver looked at me a grateful smile plastered on his freckled face. I saw Oliver's eyes silently thanking me.
"Look at that Draven he totally wants to fuck you now!" Jack said punching my shoulder laughing. (Honestly wouldn't mind- okay I have to stop with these gay comments, what the hell Draven)
I shook my head ignoring his comment. I walked towards Oliver making sure he was okay and helping him with his things . "Let's go now" I said to my friends. Turning towards Oliver one last time and giving him a smile. He smiled back and my whole day was made just by that. That's when a part of me knew I definitely liked this kid.
"Fineee" they said and went on their merry way but we still ended up getting to our class late.
I couldn't pay attention as Oliver's face just couldn't get out of my mind. I secretly would follow Oliver around and watched him, he was beautiful and everything I've ever wanted...
But everything told me it was wrong, liking him was wrong, the thought of us together was wrong. The dreams I had of us...it's all wrong.
I excused myself making my way towards the bathroom. I locked myself in a stall as tears ran down my eyes.
"Fuck!" I punched the stall wall. Feelings getting the better of me.
I sat in the toilet seat my eyes unable to stop crying. The self hatred and internalized homophobia I had was huge, I hated everything about who I was.
I thought for years doing nothing for others would make me feel better but every passing day I felt worse and worse. Every time I looked into Oliver's eyes all I wanted to do was hug him and say I was sorry, but there's no way I could do that, I was already in deep.
If I ever came out as gay I'd be the one they would bully, It would be like how it was when I was young all over again. Constant bullying just for who I liked.
I remember all the pain I had gone through. There's not a day I don't think about the past.
I shouldn't complain too much though, my sister always had it worse than me. If it wasn't for her we wouldn't be here, she's my hero truly.
I wish I could talk to her about this but I can't bother her, she's finally happy. If I ruined that I would never be able to forgive myself.
Even though I knew what I was doing was wrong in so many levels, I couldn't bring myself to stop.
Fear driven is how I've lived my whole life. How am I suddenly supposed to change that?
I chuckled.
I walked out of the stall washing my face. I looked at myself in the mirror "No one cares about you. Your a disgrace. Your disgusting. You faggot. No one likes you. You'll always be a freak" The reflection said to me and I nodded "Yeah I am."
I'll always be...