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Danny fixed himself some tea. He had a bit of a cold. Which pissed him off. Colds were for Jersey winters. Not gorgeous Hawaiian Decembers. He watched the honey melt as he swirled his spoon. With a clink and a tap, he was done. A quick sip to test, and he added a squeeze of lemon. He considered adding a shot of whiskey for a kick, but nixed the idea. Alcohol made him sleepy, and he had some things on his to-do list. Cookies and last-minute present wrapping were on the agenda today, if he could work up the steam.
He wiped down the stove and put the honey and tea back in their place in the cupboard. The kitchen was tidy and spotless. He opened the window at the sink to air out the room. He was sure the smell of bacon still hung in the air even though he was too stuffy to tell. Eddie lingered at his feet, hoping for more leftovers. He still expected eggs in his breakfast bowl. Steve had spoiled the goofy dog. Danny didn’t mind continuing the love even if it meant longer walks twice a day. He needed the exercise, too.
The place was a ghost town. Junior and Tani were on Maui for the holiday. Lou and Renee were camped at the Hilton with their kids. Quinn was manning the office. Danny thought he might call to check on her. Drop in with some takeout. But she’d warned him to stay away. She did not want his germs. Grace was in London visiting her grandma before a semester abroad. Her criminal justice program had an internship with Interpol in France. Charlie and Rachel were at Disney with Stan. Danny was in yet another Rachel-hating phase, he couldn’t help it. It was Christmas, though, and he let her take his boy the whole way to Florida because Stan and Charlie still needed time together.
Danny sighed. He had a big heart, and it was broken.
/././
He woke before the sun. The sound of the waves made him cry sometimes because they reminded him of his stupid best friend. He wondered if Steve had found a place to swim wherever he was.
Danny grabbed his phone from the night table and went straight for his favorite app. Family Finder. Grace was in Chelsea. Amanda was on a book tour and living it up on the publisher’s dime. She’d invited Grace to join her. Charlie was in Orlando. Stan had sprung for a resort inside the park because Rachel wanted the full experience. She also like to drain Stan’s bank account. It hurt Danny a little that he couldn’t be with his kids. He touched their icons on the digital map. He almost swiped minimized the app.
“Don’t do it, Daniel, you putz,” he said to the empty room. He talked to himself a lot in Steve’s absence.
He did the thing that was sure to make him sad anyway.
Zooming in and out of the screen, his fingers betraying him, he searched for the one avatar he missed the most. Steve. Danny stopped breathing when he saw where it was. New Jersey. Motherfucker.
He swiped and hit the call button. He didn’t bother to check the time.
“Steven, why are you in Jersey?” Danny demanded. He got a surprise.
“Hello to you, too, Daniel, and Merry Christmas Eve.”
Danny’d know the voice anywhere, and it wasn’t supposed to answer this particular phone.
“Ma?”
“Steven left his phone on the table. He’s out in the garage with your father. I saw your picture pop up and thought I’d answer. This really is a great photo of the two of you.”
“Ma – stop. Steve’s what? Where?”
“He’s out in the garage. Your father and his motorcycle. I swear, I’m -”
He had so many questions. He cut his mother off. “Dad has a motorcycle? What? When did that happen? And why is Steve at your place?”
“Hello to you, too, partner.”
“Steve? Babe. It’s –“ Danny took a deep breath. He felt dizzy for a few seconds. “It’s good to hear your voice.”
“It’s good to hear you, too. You okay? You sound stuffed up.”
“I got a cold. Nothing big,” Danny replied. He sat up a little straighter.
“I hope you feel better, buddy.”
“Why – when – you’re at my folks’ place?”
“I thought I’d stop by. I had some presents for the family.”
“Family? Presents?”
Danny was confused and blown away. Leave it to Steve to shake up his day.
“I should have told you,” Steve chuckled, “I’m sorry, really.”
“No, no, it’s okay. In fact, it’s great. Thank you,” Danny replied. He dabbed his eyes.
“You’re stuck at home?” Steve asked.
A sudden sneeze sent Danny into a coughing fit. He held the phone away from his face as he rode out the wave. He could hear Steve calling his name. Eddie wandered into the room, wagging his tail. Danny checked the clock. Time to take the dog out.
“Hey, listen, it’s early. I – uh – need to take Eddie out before he explodes.” He needed to end the call. It was just too much.
Steve pushed him. “You there by yourself?”
“Yea, everyone has plans,” Danny replied, “It’s just me and Eddie. I like the peace and quiet.”
It was a lie, and for sure, Steve knew it. Danny didn’t care.
“Call me later?” Steve asked.
“You know I will, babe.”
“I love you, Danny.”
“I love you, Steve.”
Danny stared at the screen. Call ended. Two words had never made him sadder. Then Eddie whined, and he came back to reality.
“Alright, buddy. Let’s go outside.”
/././
Danny lay under the tree, looking at the lights and ornaments. He felt better than he did this morning, despite the sneaky coughing fits. He was only half stuffed up, which meant he could smell again. Nothing made his day better than coffee, and not being able to smell it had been a bitch. Small things made his day go either way these days. Good, bad. He fought for the good. Like right now, he was on the floor, breathing through one side of his nose, watching colors dance and twinkle through the branches.
He’d found a really nice fake tree when he was in Jersey over the summer and had it shipped home. It reminded him of the Douglas Firs his dad would get when he was a kid. It even smelled like a pine tree. He never got used to the Hawaiian version of a Christmas tree. They reminded him of a Dr. Seuss book. During the holidays, he really needed the comfort of nostalgia. Especially this year. His first Christmas by himself.
Alone in the house, except for his snoring dog, he let the tears come. He reached for his phone and hit play on his holiday mix. The hole in his chest solidified into a sad lump when the first song began.
I’ll Be Home For Christmas.
“God, I wish you were here,” Danny said. His vision blurred.
“Maybe your wish came true.”
Danny sat up, knocking ornaments off the tree. Heart racing, he blinked back more tears and rubbed his eyes. He was surely seeing things. He’d had one too many hot toddies. But no, he wasn’t hallucinating.
“Jesus Christ, Steve! Are you trying to kill me?”
“Is there room for me down there?”
Steve was such a pretty sight. His blue-green eyes twinkled. None of the storminess from before lingered. A couple days of stubble looked just right. Danny wanted to touch his face. Hell, he wanted to kiss Steve. Maybe ask him to pick a base.
“Yea, sure, what –“ Danny scooched to give Steve space. They lay there a few breaths, shoulder to shoulder. Steve smelled like coconut and lavender and sweat. He was real and warm beside Danny. He still had trouble processing what was happening. Was he dreaming? “You’re here. You’re really here.”
“No place I’d rather be.”
“I just talked to you. You were with my folks. Your phone. It’s - the Family Finder…”
Steve turned to face Danny. His face glowed with the lights, red, green, yellow and blue. His twinkling eyes danced. Danny cried some more. Steve was here. His wish came true.
“I knew you were using the app,” Steve grinned that mischievous grin that melted Danny’s heart. “I got a burner. Your mom has my phone. She’s gonna mail it tomorrow.”
“You – you’re a shit. You’re incor-“
“Incorrigible?”
“Yes,” Danny found Steve’s hand and squeezed.
Steve squeezed back and said, “Don’t let go.”
“I won’t.”
“Merry Christmas, Danny.”
“Merry Christmas, Steve.”