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For as long as she can remember, Mikasa has always wanted to be a mother.
Having a family was a priority for her from an early age. No wonder - her parents loved each other and her so much that Mikasa could not see her future without starting a family of her own. For her, education, a career, and success in the big world were just a bonus, something that gave her stability and security. However, these things were never above her dreams of having her own home.
Mikasa was mostly lucky in life. A quiet, orderly life, in which not much happened or changed, was not the desire of many young people. For her, however, it was the greatest joy - to be able to pass peacefully through the years in which she grew up and learned about herself and others, being able to love her loved ones.
The only major change that left a painful trace in her heart was the sudden illness and later death of her beloved mother. The tragedy unfolded so quickly in young Mikasa's life that she was not even able to fully register with her childish mind what had happened.
For a nine-year-old, the death was surreal.
Especially the death of her mother.
Forced to adapt to a new reality where loneliness reigned, Mikasa moved with her father to the city and a tiny house that was always empty and quiet. Her father loved her, but with the last breath given out by his wife, something in his affection and gaze was extinguished.
Nine-year-old Mikasa lived in such great longing for her mother that she began to resort to false dreams and visions. She would often hide in the attic, where her father had buried her mother's old clothes in boxes, and wallow in thoughts of the family and love that had been brutally taken from her.
Later, as she began to get used to solitude and silence was her best friend, Mikasa met a boy. He was about her age, had dark, always disheveled hair, was cheerful and kept saying something. His mouth refused to close. His eyes were so green that Mikasa wondered how such a mixture of colors came to be. Could it have been the turquoise mixed with deep green and flecks of blue that appeared whenever the boy talked about traveling?
That boy was Eren.
Her best friend.
Her family.
Her dearest and beloved.
Her husband.
Many years passed before they found themselves in the place that fate had prepared for them.
Mikasa fell in love with him the moment he accosted her on the playground. Hidden in the shade of a tree, she was reading a book, pretending she was not there. Eren noticed her and never left her again. Their road together was winding and bumpy. But the longer they were together, the stronger they became in their conviction that fate had deliberately brought their paths together.
Fortunately, life was not cruel to them. A confluence of many events, words and deeds led them to a place where neither of them could imagine life without each other. Eren realized that he did not even know what it was like not to love Mikasa. Nor was he able to imagine life without her. Filled with love for her and fear of losing the love of his life, he asked her to marry him when they were old enough to start living independently.
She agreed.
She could not refuse him.
The moment Eren put the ring on her finger, Mikasa felt as if she had her family again, and her life was back on track. She could be completely safe again. Eren's lips were always hot and soft as he kissed her with adoration and assurance that he would always be there for her. Mikasa hooked her fingers into his jacket and believed him, reciprocating his kisses with commitment. As he worshipped her body on their wedding night, she could only open her heart completely to what life had in store for them.
And it had many.
One of those promises was their baby girl.
Louise Yeager.
A copy of her father, who had her mother's smile and gentleness.
Motherhood, though beautiful, was not easy. The nights she did not sleep, she could not count. The number of tears she shed when she could not feed her baby was enormous. The days and nights during which her only thought was how hopeless a mother she was because she could not tuck her daughter, who cried constantly, to sleep were overwhelming.
At such moments, Eren came to the rescue and comfort. He was not one of particularly composed people, but with his beloved daughter he was docile as a lamb. He was always a support to the tired, broken, and demotivated Mikasa. More than once he would come up when she was crying from exhaustion and hide her tear-soaked face behind his hands. He would embrace her and hug her, telling her what a great mother she was.
She always believed him.
Mikasa recalled every word she received from her husband, every kiss he comfortingly placed on her cheek. He was her salvation.
No one could have loved her more.
***
It was approaching midnight when, exhausted after a long day, Mikasa pressed her head against the soothingly cool pillow. Behind her was another day of struggling with a six-month-old who had already begun to sit up and tentatively crawl around the apartment. Louise was entering a stage during which Mikasa had to have eyes around her head.
She was definitely her father's daughter – she was everywhere, and with each passing day Mikasa became more convinced that her child had inherited the explorer gene that Eren possessed.
That's why there was no point in cleaning the living room balcony window – it was constantly soiled from Lou's saliva anyway. Her daughter, ever since she discovered what a window was and that one could see the world through it, which she only saw on walks, would crawl up to the glass and run her tiny fingers over it, hoping to touch what was outside.
Each time, she squealed and groaned nervously that she could not touch those green leaves that blew in the gentle summer breeze.
Mikasa spent half the day today together with Lou on the carpet, sitting by the window and explaining to her what was outside. The little girl laughed every time she spotted birds taking flight. Mikasa laughed along with her, touched by how quickly her child was growing up. It was not so long ago that she was carrying her under her heart, excitedly awaiting the day when she would finally be able to take her in her arms. In the meantime, she watched little Lou, with her cheek and tiny hand glued to the glass and her big, dark eyes shining with curiosity.
The next day, a repeat was waiting for her. Except that tomorrow Eren is not on duty at the hospital and will be able to stay with them. Mikasa closed her eyes, snuggling into her pillow with relief. Falling asleep was different when accompanied by the thought that the three of them would spend the next day together.
She was almost asleep, wrapped in peace and warmth, when she heard her husband's footsteps entering their bedroom. Mikasa furrowed her brow, realizing that he was acting much quieter than usual.
Eren's steps were as quiet and careful as if he were holding their daughter in his arms.
Mikasa sighed heavily and rolled over onto her back, setting herself up for her first feeding that night. However, something did not sit right with her. Before Louise would wake up in the middle of the night for a feeding it would whine with displeasure. This time the baby was quiet, and Eren himself also said nothing. This worried Mikasa enough that she quickly sat up and turned on the bedside lamp.
At the threshold of the entrance to their bedroom stood Eren, who was holding a bundle with a pink blanket in his arms. He looked relaxed, and his lips were curved in a natural and gentle smile. He was dressed in pajama pants but was not wearing a shirt. His arms, on which toned muscles stood out, worked gently rocking the bundle.
Mikasa blinked several times, trying to catch focus.
“Eren? Is everything okay?” she asked in a hoarse voice, finally catching his attention, which until now had been completely focused on the baby in his arms. “Did Lou wake up? I did not hear her crying...”
“She is asleep,” he replied in a whisper. Eren looked at her with joy. Even from a distance of a few meters she could see that his eyes were shining with the truest delight.
“Then why do you have her in your arms? I was putting her down in the crib.” Mikasa sat down on the bed, crossing her legs in front of her.
“I know, I just,” he interrupted, refocusing his gaze on his daughter.
Mikasa raised an eyebrow in curiosity, patiently waiting for him to finish the thought.
“She's so cute,” he finally replied. He took a few steps toward her until he sat down next to her.
Mikasa leaned over to glance at her daughter sleeping in her husband's arms. She carefully tilted back the blanket that half covered her face. Louise was sleeping deeply, with her lips gently parted and her brows furrowed adorably. Her cheeks were pink and plump, and the dark hair on her head was disheveled. The girl breathed quietly, embraced by a sleep that Mikasa envied her.
She sighed, resting her forehead on Eren's shoulder.
“You took our sleeping daughter out of her crib again just because she's cute?”
“I couldn't help myself,” he explained.
“You risked her waking up. You know how difficult it is to put her to sleep,” she instructed him, although there was not a drop of anger in the tone of her voice. Not when her husband watched their child with such tenderness and love.
“I was gentle. Lulu loves to sleep in her daddy's arms.”
“I know she does. You spoil her,” she commented, then stifled a yawn behind her hand.
“I don't care,” he shrugged his shoulders, at which the child moved slightly in his arms. Mikasa raised her hand and stroked Lou's cheek with her fingertips. “One day I will not be able to do this. So, I am taking advantage while I can.”
“Oh, Eren,” she laughed under her breath, concerned about his approach to fatherhood.
When Lou came into the world, both parents immediately fell in love with her. However, something broke inside Eren, and a mysterious warmth spread through his heart that he had never felt before. It was not until he saw his newborn daughter, who was barely as long as his forearm, that Eren completely lost himself in love for his little family.
“Well, okay, but I still don't know why you came with her to our bedroom when she's not crying, sleeping peacefully and clearly doesn't need food yet.”
“I thought maybe she could sleep with us.” It was not a question, but a statement that flowed remarkably freely from his mouth.
Mikasa pulled away from him and crossed her arms over her chest. She shook her head in denial.
“Eren, Lou will not sleep with us. Not when she finally began to fully accept the crib. I love her very much, but we cannot afford it, otherwise...”
“Come on, Mikasa. It is just one night. Just look at her,” he asked in a whisper, nodding, encouraging her to look at her daughter again.
As if on cue, Louise dragged herself slightly, causing her father to be even more delighted.
“You start with one night, and then you have a five-year-old who makes it impossible for parents to have any privacy,” she replied with a slight smile.
Mikasa read many books on parenting and upbringing while pregnant. One of the biggest fears that plagued her was the fear of nights with a newborn and later with a toddler. She was terrified not so much by the vision of sleepless nights, but by the possible situations in which she would not be able to soothe and tuck her baby to sleep. Therefore, she and Eren decided that for the first months of their daughter's life she would sleep in a crib set up in their bedroom. Only recently did Lou sleep at night in her room, which was located right next to her parents' room. This gave them more privacy, which as young parents they desperately needed.
“You're exaggerating,” he answered her, completely unconvinced by her train of thought. “I missed her,” he added in a breaking voice.
“Eren,” she sighed, knowing full well where this discussion was heading. Mikasa could not argue with him, and especially not when he was using his strongest argument – demanding work.
The truth was that Eren spent much less time with Lou than Mikasa, who took care of her for days on end. They had previously agreed that this arrangement would be the healthiest and best for their child. Unfortunately, it came with some consequences, such as Eren's sixteen-hour shifts working at the hospital.
He never complained, but the longing and sadness in his eyes when, once again, Mikasa told him what Lou did while he was away could be endearing.
Eren really regretted not seeing his little girl turn over on her tummy on her own for the first time.
“I missed you too, Mikasa. I want you both, please.” After these words, he shifted his gaze from the sleeping Lou to his wife, who slowly softened and yielded to his request.
Well, she could argue about keeping the inviolable routine she thought Lou had instilled, but it probably did not make sense. Mikasa sighed and kissed him on the cheek.
“Agreed, but if Lou takes your half, you sleep on the ground.”
“Whatever you want,” he replied gratefully, then got up and walked to his side of the bed.
Mikasa pushed back the quilt and adjusted the pillows, and Eren carefully placed Louise between them. This was not the first night their daughter had slept with them, so they knew what to do and how to behave. This time they were lucky that the little girl did not wake up even when her mother removed the blanket in which she was tightly wrapped.
Lou, feeling more at ease, immediately pulled her hands behind her and turned her head toward Mikasa, who placed a spread hand on her tummy.
Eren stood in front of the bed for a moment, staring at the view before him. A wide smile appeared on his lips and a tender look shone in his eyes, which effectively overshadowed the fatigue from the entire day.
“Are you going to lie down?” Mikasa asked quietly, whose eyes were closing of their own accord.
“Yes,” he whispered, then lay sideways next to his daughter.
Eren took another long moment to watch them in the faint glow of the bedside lamp, which gave off a soothing, warm light.
The two people who lay before him were the most important in his life. Eren treasured the friends and family with which he was blessed. Each person close to him - Armin, his best friend from as far back as his early childhood, or even Jean or Connie, whom he only met in college - built his life in a remarkable and unique way. Every day he was grateful for what life had prepared for him.
However, he could not fathom what he deserved for such a wonderful wife and daughter, who were the apple of his eye.
Eren lay on his side with his arm under his cheek. He raised his free hand and massaged Mikasa's warm cheek with his fingertips. He should rest before the little one woke up, but the vision that he might lose that wonderful view from before his eyes scared him a little.
Fatigue did not play a role when he was literally collecting memories of the most important moments in his life.
“Mikasa?”
The woman muttered something under her breath, barely retaining consciousness.
“When would you like to have a second child?” he asked in a whisper, not taking his eyes off her face and slowly opening eyes.
“Eren, it is almost one o'clock in the morning… Do I want to know why exactly at this time this question came to your mind?”
He shrugged his shoulders. His hand slid down to her waist and hip.
“I haven't thought about it yet,” she replied sleepily. “You know I want Lou to have a sibling, but it is still too early. I have only just recovered from the birth of this baby.” Mikasa stroked her daughter's tummy, who moaned quietly in her sleep.
“I know, it's just...”
“You are very distracted today, Eren. And tired. You need to rest. We can talk about it in the morning,” she assured him.
Mikasa raised herself on her shoulder and leaned over her husband so that she could place a short and sweet kiss on his lips. They could not afford to do more, with no daughter between them.
“I'm sorry, my love,” he said contritely, then snuggled into her shoulder and closed his eyes. “I would like to have more such beautiful children with you,” he explained, overwhelmed by the need for sincere confessions.
“We will have. That is what I always wanted too, Eren. A big family.” Mikasa's hand went to his hand. She intertwined their fingers and squeezed them tightly. “But we need to get some sleep, because Lou could wake up at any moment and we could forget about resting.”
“You're right. As always.”
She replied with a smile, ending their nightly dialogue about the children and the family they already had. Although they both needed rest and real sleep, yes, their biggest dream had long since come true.
In another world, they might not have had what they had now.
A family, themselves, a daughter.
Happiness and love.
Peace and quiet.
Right?