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It’s now almost 2AM and you still can’t sleep. So instead of laying bored in bed for any longer, you’re now sitting on the couch in your apartment watching TV. Lazily, you flip through channels, looking for anything that looks slightly entertaining.
You finally stumble on a channel that catches your interest. A man with dark hair and glasses sits in front of a blue wall with large white lettering reading 'FEEDBACK.' It seems you’ve come across the channel at the perfect time, since the man is barely introducing himself.
“It’s 2 AM, I’m Moe Green, and the program is ‘Feedback!’” He smiled big, like he was happy to be working at such a late time. “Tonight we’re taking calls and asking you to rate our spectacular new season on SCTV. So why don’t you go to those phones—you know the number—give me a call, and tell us what you think.”
SCTV. You were aware of the program, but certainly didn’t watch it enough to give a reliable rating. You reached for the phone on the end table anyway.
“I’ll give you a moment to get to your phones.” Moe said. You were already dialing the number on-screen.
“I know y-Oh!” He was startled at the sound of the phone ringing on his desk. His hands fumbled to pick it up. He held the phone's handset to his face and said, “H-Hello?”
It was strange to hear his voice from your TV and the phone, so you lowered the TV volume. Then you said, “Hello, Moe Green.”
He flashed that big smile again, “Hi! And who am I speaking to tonight?”
You were about to give him your name, but a fun idea popped into your head, “Honey.”
“‘Honey?’” He looked confused, but his smile still stayed, “Well that’s definitely a, uh, unique name, Honey!” He laughed, “Can’t imagine getting called that by everyone.”
“Neither can I, I just wanted to hear you call me it.” You weren’t sure why you decided to come onto this poor man so hard. But his reaction made it worth it: He visibly reddened and wiped his forehead with a handkerchief.
His voice cracked as he said, “Oh well that’s uh…That’s fine!” He laughed again and cleared his throat, “Anyway, what do you think of SCTV’s glittering new lineup of shows?”
You had little to no idea what he was talking about, “They’re pretty great, Moe.”
He smiled, his shoulders relaxing with relief, “Oh good! That’s wonderful to hear…”
“Yeah, although I do have one major problem with them.”
He wiped his face with the handkerchief again, “And what’s that?”
“They don’t have enough of you.”
His eyes widened, he asked, “You want to see more of…me?”
It was a little sad just how hopeful and small he sounded against your ear. Your tone became more sincere, “Of course I do,” The sudden sincerity startled you a bit and you tried to refocus on your efforts to fluster him, “I mean, I just enjoy watching you is all. I’m sure you know why.”
It was like he forgot he was on live television, as he twirled the phone cord around one of his fingers. Red faced, he said quietly, “No, I- I don’t know why.”
“Would you like me to tell you?” The smirk was obvious in your voice.
You could hear his breathing hitch in the receiver. He wiped the sweat from his forehead yet again and managed to say, “Uh- yeah.”
You tried lowering your voice slightly, “I enjoy watching you because I think you're very cute.”
He laughed, “Oh well that’s- That’s very sweet of you! I…” He fervently dabbed at his face with his handkerchief to get rid of the sweat, but it seemed like a fruitless effort.
You wondered how far you could go. “I just adore you. Your smile is very pretty.”
He laughed again, but it wavered, “P-pretty?”
“Yes, and your voice is nice too. Makes me wonder how you sound in…more intimate contexts.”
After a second, his eyes widened as he realized what you meant. “Oh geez well- that’s,” He gave a short, breathy laugh, “That’s not very appropriate. And also not relevant to our conversation!” His handkerchief was hardly cleaning up any more sweat. “So unless you have any more feedback about SCTV’s new season, I’m gonna have to hang up now, okay?”
Oops, a bit too much. “My apologies, Moe, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
“It-It’s alright! No worries. I appreciate the kind words, maybe just save them for after the program though, y’know?” He laughed after he said it, but it sounded forced. “Anyway, you have a good night now, alright, Honey?” His smile fell as he realized what he said, “A-and I don’t mean that in- I’m just saying that because it’s what-“
You laughed lightly at his backtracking, “Goodnight, Moe.”
You hung up and proceeded to lay down on the couch. You laid on your side to watch the TV and saw Moe putting the handset back on the telephone, missing once, then twice, then finally slamming it on.
He looked nervously at the camera and said, “Well it uh- seems we are out of time to take anymore calls so…” He cleared his throat, “I’m Moe Green and this has been ‘Feedback’ on SCTV. The line will still be on, but I won’t be here to pick up, so feel free to call all you want!” He smiled big, his face still flushed red. You repeated the numbers on-screen in your head a couple of times.
Finally the screen faded as it transitioned onto whatever the next program was. You turned the TV off and scrambled to switch on the lamp on the end table.
With the dim warm light around you, you picked up the phone and dialed the number, hoping you remembered it correctly.
Before the phone could even ring a second time, someone picked up. They didn’t speak, but you could faintly hear their breathing.
You asked, “And who am I speaking to tonight?”
The person on the other end let out a breath and then finally spoke, “Moe Green.”
“Hmmm…do I know a Moe Green?” You asked jokingly. His voice suddenly seemed a bit panicked though.
“Uh-yes I mean, I believe we just spoke a minute ago d-during the Feedback segment.“ This poor man.
“Don’t worry, I know. I was just messing with you.”
“Oh…” He laughed slightly, “Right yeah, of course, uhm…Sorry I’ve never done anything like this before.”
“Mhm. And what exactly are we doing?”
“Talking, I guess? I’m still not sure if this is some weird prank call.”
“I wouldn’t consider it a prank call.”
“Then why did you call?” His voice was small again against your ear.
“I don't know, boredom? I haven't been able to sleep lately.”
“Me neither. At least I’m getting a paycheck out of it though,” You could hear the smile in his voice, then quietly he added, “I think.”
You didn’t mean to let him hear you laugh at that, but he ended up laughing with you anyway.
It was quiet after that, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. Surprisingly, he broke the silence, “Hey uh, I know this might be a bit of a weird thing to ask but…” His voice sounded shaky, you could imagine him wiping at his face again with that handkerchief, “Do you want to maybe…get lunch together or something?”
Lunch with a complete stranger from TV? The only weirder thing about this was that he was completely willing to ask you out despite not even knowing your name, let alone how you look. He’s either pathetically desperate or a murderer. Something in your gut tells you it's the former.
You reply, “Sure, why not. Where and when?”
You could hear him sigh with relief. Then he gave you an address for a small restaurant in the city. “Is tomorrow okay? Or uhm- If that’s too soon then…”
“Tomorrow’s fine.”
His voice rose, “Great!” Embarrassed, he cleared his throat, “Sorry. So, tomorrow then?”
“Yeah, around 12 should be good.”
“Yes, okay. In the afternoon, right?”
“Yes, in the afternoon.”
He practically sounded exasperated, “Good yeah, of course, just making sure. Can never be too sure...” He trailed off, muttering to himself.
“You alright, Moe?”
“What?” He asked, slightly startled.
“Are you alright? We can always do another day if you’re not feel-“
“NO! I mean- no I feel fine, I feel great actually!” He laughed, the mental image of the handkerchief came in your mind again.
“Good. Glad to hear it. See you then, Moe.”
“Bye, Honey!” He said cheerfully, then panicking he said, “Wait no- I don’t mean it like that!”
You just laughed softly and hung up. You should probably go to bed now and get some rest before your date.