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“I’m leaving, and I don’t want you to come with me.” Steve sighed as he placed his shield behind his back. You shook your head.
“You say you don’t want to, but I know you’re lying. And I know you’re trying to protect me, but leaving isn’t the right thing to do. I’m coming with you, that’s final. I just want to be one of the first to know if you’re alive. I couldn’t bear it if I had to sit here and wait for the news.” You grabbed Steve’s hand in an attempt to make him stay. “Just… please Steve, don’t go there without me.”
Steve looked into your eyes for a moment, but then pulled his hand away from your grasp, leaving your empty hand grasping the air. “No, you can’t come. I can’t risk it. I can’t risk that you’d get hurt or killed because of me… it’s dangerous in there, the whole city is in danger and you wouldn’t be safe anywhere.”
“It’s my choice to come, not yours. I’m not going to sit here and wait for the news if you’ve died or if you’re alive. I love you, Ste-” Steve stopped you in the middle of your sentence, turning to look at you with sudden and unfamiliar coldness in his eyes.
“You know what? The thing is that I don’t trust you. Because you’re weak, mentally and physically. You’re not a soldier like the rest of us. I can’t risk you endangering the battle, I’d have to rescue you all the time. You’d just make matters difficult.”
Silence. Calling you weak was one of the worst things Steve could do to you because of your past, and he knew it. He held back an apology, and he could almost hear the anger screaming inside you, he saw the fire in your eyes and your next words were coated with venom. “Weak? Call me that one more time, see what happens.”
Steve gathered all his strength, and muttered, “I’m sorry to break it for you. But you’re weak.”
And with that, he left, leaving you staring at his back with fury. And unbeknownst to you - he wanted to turn back, to apologize, to take you with him, to feel you sleeping against him the next night - but he knew he couldn’t. And making you angry at him seemed like a simple way to make you stay willingly. Except it wasn’t that simple. Every step he took was behind a great wall of pain, and he had to remind himself that he had to do it. He couldn’t look back, he had to seem cold towards you.
And by doing so, a single tear rolled down his cheek, as a silent plea for you to forgive him one day.