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When Vince’s cell phone went off the first time he hadn’t been paying attention. The music had been so loud and his phone had been shoved deep into the pocket of his trendy green holographic plastic trench coat. He'd only noticed the second call cause he'd been pressed against the bar ordering another drink.
When he squinted at the caller ID his heart froze, although he didn't start to panic until answering the call with shaky fingers.
He only got bits and pieces of what the policeman was saying, it being so damn loud in the club.
….Accident…
….van…..
….Mr.Moon….
Vince tore away from the bar and stalked towards the back hallway where it was less crowded.
"Sorry c-could you repeat all that mate?" He asked out of breath.
"Do you know Mr. Howard Moon sir?"
"Y-yes," Vince stuttered, fearing the worst. He felt trapped all of the sudden, like the walls were closing in. "He's my-my flat…eh my friend. W-what happened?"
"Well there's been an accident you see, you best come here now…"
Vince barely heard the address before he was practically running out of the club via a back door. He paid the ringing emergency door alarm no mind as he weaved his way back towards the road. It was still drizzling and he ducked his head as a fine mist hit him. He only managed to flag down a taxi because his coat was so shiny.
He must have barked an address at the driver because they were soon flying down the streets. He didn’t know where they were going and he didn’t care. All he knew was that Howard was somewhere and in trouble.
Serious trouble this time too. Not the 'monster eating your face' type. The life or death kind that you maybe only ever saw in films. A million scenarios played out in Vince’s overworked imagination. Ranging from a simple bad tumble to a atomic bomb going off. Perhaps, if Vince was being truthful, this accident was Howard’s doing? They'd made comments before in the past, but Vince never thought the other man would ever go as far as actually offing himself. Just the thought made Vince feel sick.
He couldn’t lose Howard. They were best friends, a team, the best double act Dalston had ever seen or would see. They were soulmates. Vince always secretly thought so anyway. Even though they were hardly alike and had very little things in common. They were a package deal and had been since primary school. Where one went the other usually followed. Whether it be the grocery store or monkey hell.
Watching the rain streak across the window. Vince, in a moment of introspection, thought about the possibility that Howard may be seriously hurt or even dead and suddenly wanted to cry. He couldn’t bear the thought of actually losing the other man. It was unthinkable. What would he do? Trying very hard not to cry he sniffed and crossed his arms in a self hug. It helped only a little and he realized belatedly that he was shivering. It was certainly cold out and while his coat was genius it wasn't the warmest. Howard always got on his case about dressing for the weather and the thought brought a smile to him. Howard cared so much about him and of course Vince cared about him. Even though he did a poor job of proving it. He hoped that Howard was okay so that he could prove it more often.
The more he thought about the what ifs the more he thought about how much he cared and then suddenly all Vince could think was how much he loved Howard. Truly loved him, in all the ways you could love another. And the thought of never seeing him again was too much to bear.
Before long the taxi was coming to a stop at the corner of an alleyway. A block down, police lights flashed in the dark foggy rain. There were a lot of cars and Vince paled at seeing the ambulance waiting beyond it all.
"Jeeze," the driver sighed. "Are you here for this?" He asked.
"T-hink so," Vince replied without much thought. He felt frozen in the back seat. Unable to move. Unable to get out. He feared what he might find. An angry honk from the traffic broke him from his trance and he moved to leave. Throwing what little money he had at the driver.
The rain had gotten worse but he paid it no mind as he ran towards the flashing lights. Rounding a police car he saw the van being slowly lifted onto the tow truck. The whole right front side was in pieces and the main right side was dented and crumbled, glass and plastic littered the ground and all the windows on that side were broken. The driver's side. Vince stared in shock. Feeling a strange sense of loss for something that had been so stable and constant in their lives. The Boosh van had been unique and comforting. Always ready to take them anywhere and now it looked hurt and tarnished.
Turning away, he ignored the rain as he searched the darkness for Howard. There were policemen everywhere but none of them seemed to notice him. Even when the flashing lights made strange patterns on his coat. Past the tow truck the ambulance sat open and two paramedics were busy. Howard stood in front of the open door. Looking wet and cold but somehow alive.
With a gasp, Vince ran. He thought nothing of pushing past the paramedics and throwing his arms around the startled man.
"Vince!?" Howard exclaimed before hugging Vince tightly. The kind of hug that you didn’t know you needed until you got it. They were both shaking. Either from the cold or shock it didn't matter. Finally pulling away Vince regarded him, besides a large bandage on his forehead, Howard looked fine.
"Oh Howard," Vince sobbed trying to pull him into another hug but Howard stopped him.
"What are you doing here?" He asked, shock evident in his tone.
"What do you mean? A policeman called me and told me to come. What the bloody hell happened!?"
"They, they called you and you came here? Just like that?" Howard asked.
Vince stared up at him. Had he been such an ass that Howard couldn’t fathom Vince ever coming to his rescue again? The thought made him sadder still.
"Of course!" He cried clinging to the front of the other man's shirt which was cold, soaked by the rain. "Said you'd been in an accident and that I should come! So I did. Of course I did Howard, I wouldn't leave you alone after this. After that!?" He sobbed gesturing to the wreck of the van on the tow truck, Howard seemed to stare at it for far too long. "What if you'd been hurt worse? You aren't, are you?"
"N-no," Howard replied, but he was still shaking under Vince's palm.
"You sure? You're shaking."
"It's cold."
"It's the shock and adrenaline." One of the nearby paramedics stated, obviously having eavesdropped. "He'll be fine but he should still go home to rest."
Vince nodded and looked back at the scene. The police and workers were slowly cleaning up the scene. "Have you talked to the police and everything Howard?" He asked gently. All he got was a sigh and a headshake.
Vince sighed in return. "Okay, stay here? I'll be right back." Howard nodded but didn’t reply. Vince frowned up at him worriedly, ran a comforting hand over his chest and slipped away, stalking towards the closest policeman. After about 15 minutes they were cleared to leave and Vince returned to Howard’s side. The ambulance had left during the time and he looked so lonely there in the rain. He didn’t even have his hat.
“Come on Howard,” Vince said, taking his hand and leading him away. Concentrating on the cold feeling of Howard’s hand, Vince flagged down another taxi and made sure Howard got in first. It felt like he’d shut down soon after their initial conversation and while Howard was quiet he was never this quiet and withdrawn. It worried Vince something awful and he kept a firm hold of Howard's hand as the taxi pulled away, taking them home.
The silence was deafening and for a minute Vince tried to ignore it but it was eating him up. Turning to look at Howard he relaxed slightly to see the other man laid back against the seat, head tipped back and eyes closed but then he began to shake again. Moving closer, Vince gripped his hand harder. This was tough, something like this had never happened to them. He didn’t know where to begin or what to say.
With a hiss Howard pulled his hand away and hugged himself. “It's freezing,” he finally said with a wince. With nothing to hold on to, Vince pulled his thin jacket around himself in a desperate attempt to warm up. They were both soaked and all he could think about was making sure Howard was alright and getting changed into warm clothing.
“Do you wanna talk about it?” he asked hesitantly. “What happened?”
Howard shook his head. “I’m an idiot, and now,” he huffed. “And now the van is wrecked, I’m sorry Vince.”
“Sorry? Sorry for wot?”
“Well for dragging you out here for one thing and for wrecking the van. I know how much you loved it.”
“It's just a car Howard, what…what matters is you! That you're alright you know? And I don’t mind. Of course I came to get you, I already told you why.”
“But-”
“No! Do you have any idea how worried I was!? They didn’t tell me what had happened and I thought the worst. I..I can’t lose you like that Howard.” he stated, feeling sick with how upset he felt, even now. Vince didn't like to be upset, it always left him emotionally drained and weary. He tried to avoid it at all costs because he didn’t like how it felt but this was serious and he wasn’t going to push it aside for his own feelings. He’d never seen Howard look like this.
Howard was staring at him as if he’d grown a second head the whole time and Vince didn’t know what to make of it. The whole situation was far out of their usual routine. Sniffing back sudden tears he clung to Howard, pressing his face against him with a sob. “I thought you were…dead.” he finally said, his voice muffled by Howard’s wet jacket but he knew the older man heard him. “I kept thinking about all these horrible things that could have happened.”
“V-Vince, I’m alright,” Howard replied, wrapping his arm around Vince in an effort to comfort him. Odd turn of events it was, Howard having been the one to wreck the van and Vince crying. Vince never cried. “Hey, little man, I’m okay. I'm a little shaken but I’m alright. You know me, Howard Moon always bounces back.”
“But what if you don’t one day? What if I’m not quick enough to save you for real?”
“Well that wont happen cause you always save me, and I always save you. That's how it works right?” That was how it worked, they saved each other and lived to crimp another day. “I’ve never seen you like this Vince,” Howard continued in bemusement but he sounded pleased. “I didn’t know you cared that much.”
“Well I do alright, an...I know I don’t always show it, but I do an-” Here Vince cut himself off, suddenly aware of what he wanted to say and fearful of what would happen when he did. Luckily the taxi arrived at the Nabootique at exactly that moment, which forced them to put a hold on the conversation until they were inside and warm.
The old radiators were turned on, and they both got changed out of their sodden clothing into normal sleep wear. Vince was silent as he went searching for the first aid in the bathroom, Howard watched him in a detached sort of way. Still plenty dazed from the crash. Sitting on the bathroom counter Vince gently kicked his heels against the cabinet as he searched for more bandages. This is where the conversation returned.
“Come here, wanna change that before bed.” he gestured to Howard’s forehead. He obeyed without a fuss. They both winced as Vince peeled the bandage away. It didn’t look deep but it did still look red and angry.
“Vince?” Howard asked, watching Vince sort through everything.
“Hmm?”
“What were you going to say in the taxi?”
“What happened then?” Vince asked, completely ignoring Howard’s question for one of his own. Now that they were in the safety of the flat, blessedly warm and comfortable. Vince didn’t feel so vulnerable and upset anymore
Howard gave a sigh and rested his hand against the counter, so close that his arm barely brushed against Vince's leg. "The windshield wiper stopped working and…I panicked," he cleared his throat. "Should be lucky I didn't hit anyone or anything besides that lamp post."
"Should be lucky you ain't dead." Vince murmured using a cotton swab and some antiseptic to clean Howard’s wound. The paramedics had done a fine job but Vince was willing to bet it needed more attention. "How did this happen?"
"When the windows broke…" Howard explained, trailing off, not needing to explain further. Vince felt tears well up and sniffed, hoping that they wouldn't fall. He'd already cried enough.
"I'm fine." Howard reminded him. For once the older man was trying to meet Vince's eyes but he kept gaze away, focusing instead on peeling the paper away from the large plaster. He didn’t respond as he gently applied the bandage, brushing Howard’s wayward curls away causing Howard to close his eyes at the feeling.
"You scared me." Vince finally said, finished with the plaster but unable to fully remove his hands. As much as he made fun of Howard’s hair he always longed to play with it. Let the curls wrap around his fingers. It was so fine and soft.
"Hey," Howard said, catching Vince's hand as he went to pull away. "I'm okay really, I'm sorry I scared you. I didn’t realize I could.” Vince didn’t know what to say to that. Howard had scared him more than once over the years. He was the unluckiest person on earth sometimes and Vince was always just a little worried about him.
Still feeling nervous and wondering how they were still managing to hold hands, Vince threaded his fingers between Howards and sighed. “When I was in the taxi on the way there, I couldn’t stop thinking of different reasons for why you’d be in trouble, ranging from the usual to the horrible. I’d convinced myself that you were dead and that I’d never got to say goodbye. I couldn’t stop thinking about you alone and dead and-” he was crying again. Howard looked shocked before stepping closer, situating himself between Vince’s legs, and bundling him close in a tight hug again. Vince shook his head, he had to get it out even though the hug was wonderful. “I thought you’d died without…without me ever telling you how much I love you.”
All at once he felt Howard tense and Vince clung to him wondering if he’d be pushed away but Howard slowly moved. Hugging him tight one more time before pulling away and just watching him.
Vince offered a watery smile. “I didn’t realize until then you know but it's true, I know it is because the thought of losing you is the worst thing I can think of. You care about me, and I’m rubbish at proving I care about you too but I do, and thinking that I would never get to tell you how I felt is what scared me.”
“You love me.” Howard repeated, getting a weird look in his eyes that told Vince he didn’t believe him. They’d said these sorts of things before and it had never gone well, but no one was laughing this time and Vince meant it. Had always meant it.
“I do and I mean it Howard and I ain’t just saying it to make you feel better about what happened. It just made me realize that I better tell you cause I might not get another chance.”
Howard was shaking his head, as if trying to put Vince’s words in some sort of order that made sense to him. Vince didn’t care if Howard believed him really, he felt ten times better now that the weight had been lifted from his chest. His relief was short lived however when Howard began chuckling, leaning against the counter, with his shoulder pressed against Vince’s front.
“Oi are you laughing?” Vince asked incredulously, so much for straying from the usual. “I just got all dramatic and deep for you, crying my eyes out cause you crashed the bloody van and could have died and you’re laughing at me?”
“Sorry Vince,” Howard replied, standing straight again and rubbing his free hand over his face to wipe away tears of mirth. Somehow their fingers were still entwined. “This whole situation is funny. Yes it could have been worse but it wasn’t and I’m fine and I’m here and I really never thought you’d care or get upset and it's because you love me and that's…incredible Vince, it is I just, I can’t help it. Before you got to the scene I felt lost and dazed.”
“Well you had just been in an accident.”
Howard grinned in amusement and Vince couldn’t help grinning in return. “Let me finish, little man.” Howard said, taking Vince’s other hand in his. Suddenly Vince realized just how close Howard was standing, he could count every one of the other man’s mustache hairs if he wanted. “I didn’t know what to do, and then you were there in your shiny green jacket and your hair all wet, for me. I didn’t even know they’d call you.”
“How did they get my number anyway? You don’t have a phone.” Vince wondered, having not thought about it before now.
Howard shrugged. “I’ve an emergency number card in my wallet.” he said with a blush.
“Bet it's laminated and everythin.” Vince teased.
“You’d win that bet sir, guess it came in handy. Anyway, when you showed up. It was like you jump started me or something. Everything stopped and I just focused on you. Just as I always have, me whole life you’ve been there Vince.”
“Not your WHOLE life, that would’ve been well weird.”
“But it feels that way. I don’t remember life without you and I can’t imagine a life without you in it either. You're the most important person in my life Vince, the only important person, and you definitely proved tonight that you care, I’m sorry I doubted it.”
“It's okay I understand why you did, just don’t do it again.”
Howard leaned forward more until they were barely 5 inches away. “I won't.”
“Good, oh and Howard?”
“Hmm?”
“You haven’t said it back,” Vince smiled and tilted his head up smugly.
Howard laughed at his cheekiness. “I love you too.” he replied softly before capturing Vince’s lips with his own.
Vince sighed happily and returned the sweet kiss. When Howard began to pull away Vince whined and finally let go of his hands to wind his arms around Howard’s neck, pulling him even closer to continue the kiss unabated. Howard moaned softly, letting his hands rest on Vince’s waist. Vince shivered pleasantly and smiled. Sure, the van was most likely wrecked and neither of them had the money to fix it or get another but that wasn’t what was important. What was important was the fact that Howard was alive, mostly unharmed, and in Vince’s arms where he belonged.