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“Yeah, I guess…” Lando answered mindlessly while he was scrolling down his camera shots. He marveled at the sheer joy the pics radiated, capturing the festive atmosphere nicely.
He had found the perfect way for an introvert like him to enjoy crowded places. His camera was his shield, but it also helped him interact with others. It was more effective than just using his phone, which was out of battery more often than not. On top of that, the camera granted him a bit more privacy and made publishing the wrong photos a lot trickier, which was quite important for someone like him.
“You’re not even listening, mate!” Max sighed dramatically, but not changing his calm voice tone. Years of friendship had helped him to not lose his temper when Lando was ignoring him.
“Of course I am!” Lando whined, putting his camera down.
“I just told you we should go to Rotterdam by horse.” Max grinned, folding his arms with a smug expression. “Anyway, I don’t know when you stopped listening, but I’m off to pack, and you should do the same.” With that Max disappeared into his room and left Lando sitting on the wooden living room floor.
Lando rolled his eyes for nobody to see, but reluctantly stood up knowing that Max was right. He padded lazily along the corridor to the guest room. When he closed the door he realized that he hadn’t unpacked that much since he arrived from Madrid, so it was going to be a matter of a few minutes. He sank on the mattress to continue his photo selection job.
He smiled to himself when he saw Carlos’ Dad posing light-heartedly with his glasses, that pic was definitely going to make the cut. He liked it when he captured the spontaneous nature of people, especially if they were well-known and lived in a heavily PR-conditioned world. He felt a bit like that sometimes, always careful with what you say, always careful with how you behave, not really feeling free of living your life the way you want because that’s not what people expect from you. He sighed and shook his head, checking the next photos.
It was funny to him how he had spent a couple days in Madrid that had felt like minutes, but it seemed like forever since it happened, he definitely missed it. Not only for the fun and the laughs, but certainly for how welcomed everybody had made him feel. Warm. That was the word. He had doubted about attending the wedding at first because he felt honored but a bit out of place, he wasn’t a close relative or a childhood friend, more like that workmate that ends up being a bit of a friend and you’re happy to see them from time to time, but he accepted the invitation because after all, the Sainz family had always behaved like a cozy environment for him since the very first minute, and he was deeply grateful to them.
The next photos in his camera roll were all Carlos, goofing around surrounded by his loved ones, comfortable and free. His wholesome glee put a smile on Lando’s face. That was the Carlos he had met since he was a rookie, funny and natural, a bit awkward at times, and always willing to make people feel good. That was the Carlos he wanted to share with the world.
As difficult as it was to choose only a few photos, it was a very enjoyable task. Lando took his time to carefully pick the most significant ones for him. Carlos being silly in front of his camera to distract Lando by how tired he felt after the flight and the night out. Check. Carlos and his sister making him feel a part of the family when he was still half-doubting why he had been invited in the first place. Check. And Carlos joking with Rupert with Lando’s glasses on, after someone had made an unfortunate comment about how unflattering they were. Check.
That made Lando reflect on how Carlos had been behaving during his days in Madrid. He never left his side. Not even in the wedding when the place was crowded by people he hardly sees all year. He always was there to translate if someone wanted to address Lando in Spanish, he asked the DJ to let Lando play for a bit, and he awkwardly gravitated around the DJ booth being the supportive friend Lando needed when he was insecure about his skills. He saved him from having to dance in public with the excuse that his Dad wanted to see him, to discover Carlos Sr. just chilling in a quiet corner with his old friend Juanjo. Both men welcoming the young ones, engaging them in their conversation about electric engines.
Carlos had been perfect. He always was.
Lando felt his eyes itchy and wet. When he had started crying? He sniffed and got up, searching his laptop under a pile of discarded clothes. He was going to store those photos forever in a locked folder, just in case the Cloud dissipated someday.
While he was preparing the post he thought about telling Carlos beforehand but it was late and he had been testing all day so he was probably already sleeping and he didn’t want to disturb him.
How much he missed him, he noticed. It hadn’t been long since the end of the season in Abu Dhabi but being with him the past couple of days felt refreshing and energizing, a bit like the old times, when they lived in the same country and could hang out if they were bored. Simpler times. Now he was sure he wouldn’t see him again until the pre-season testing in Bahrain, and February looked years away if just the last two days had felt like torture.
At least he had his camera, the photos, and the memories that accompanied them. He could relive those days as many times he wanted, he could linger on that photo someone took of them while Carlos was hugging him from behind after his DJing, a bit drunk but unequivocally proud. Or that alcohol-driven blurry selfie in which Carlos was squeezing his cheeks forcing a comical pout on Lando’s lips. He could spend days admiring the candid shot he took of Carlos while congratulating Caco, all softness and sincerity. And he would store forever that shot he didn’t remember taking of Carlos looking at someone out of frame with the most breathtaking expression he had seen on him. His eyes looked intense and focused but his eyebrows were relaxed, his parted lips were shyly smiling and his cheeks were flushed, and you could rarely see Carlos blushing. It was a work of art and he was jealous of whoever had taken the photo for being able to capture such a unique moment that looked almost intimate.
He was also jealous of the person out of frame, but that was another whole story.
The next photo made him cackle. Charlotte, probably the talented amateur photographer, in a selfie with Rupert who definitely didn’t want to pose, she looked super cute and he was a blurry mess.
But when he got to the next photo all the air left his lungs and he felt his vision blurry. It was a very similar photo to The Incredible Carlos’ Shot, but this time the frame was a bit more open and he could see the lucky bastard who had got that adoring look from Carlos. Lando zoomed in because he couldn’t believe his eyes. The photo showed some kind of group conversation and Carlos wasn’t looking at the person speaking, his eyes were all on Lando himself, who was listening intently and probably trying to decipher a few Spanish words.
Did Carlos really look at him like that ? Was it an usual thing or was he really really drunk?
His scrolling turned more erratic and desperate searching for answers. He felt a bit pathetic getting his hopes up for just one (two) random photos, but it stirred something inside of him. He had decided he wanted to receive all of those Carlos’ gazes, he didn’t want anything else in this world.
Unfortunately, most pics were taken by himself, so he couldn’t analyze Carlos from a third person point of view, but there were subtle hints here and there. Like that bathroom mirror selfie which had an oblivious yet staring Carlos in the dimly illuminated background, or that posed shot of Carlos’ parents where he was at one side looking at the photographer with a proud smile and not at his parents being funny.
After a while he found at last a photo taken by someone else. Damn, how many people had manipulated his camera that day? And it was a series of photos of Carlos fixing Lando’s tie before taking a posed photo together. Lando remembered the moment, casual and insignificant, until watched from a different perspective. In the first photo his eyes were focused on fixing the disastrous knot on Lando’s tie, biting his lower lip, Lando was looking at the camera rolling his eyes. Idiot . The next one had Carlos finishing the new perfect knot with delicate fingers. The third photo had Lando inspecting the fixed garment, his fingers brushing against Carlos’, his friend’s gaze was on his face, awaiting his reaction. And the final shot showed a cheerful Lando with a smile that reached his eyes facing the camera like showing to the World Carlos’ amazing creation, while Carlos seemed frozen in time, staring at Lando’s profile blushing and with their fingers still intertwined over the silky fabric.
He zoomed in all that was possible to admire every pixel of that photo. He would thank Charlotte later for her apparently incredible skills. Carlos looked nervous, and insecure. And Lando could swear he could perceive his fingers trembling as they weren’t as on focus as the rest of the photo. He was probably deluding himself and that was caused only because he was captured mid-motions, but this wasn’t the moment to go through a reality check. He wasn’t imagining things. There was something going on.
As it was getting a bit late he finally published the photos with a witty caption. A few minutes later he edited the caption to tag Carlos, so he wouldn’t miss the photos in the morning and went to have a shower to clear his thoughts.
He came back to some messages from Carlos.
Great photos cabrón!
Thanks for not choosing the unflattering ones!
Gonna send Ana the post, she’ll love it.
So he was awake. That’s when Lando gathered all his bravery to answer.
The unseen ones are way better.
Not even 15 seconds later Carlos replied.
Really? Show me.
Lando hesitated for a few seconds, but he hadn’t got to that point to chicken out at the very last moment, so he cropped the two pics where Carlos was basically staring at his soul and hit send with trembling fingers.
Two minutes and thirty five seconds passed, not that Lando was counting, before Carlos started typing again. And it may be a bit over dramatic but Lando considered moving to Jupiter or hiding under a rock for exposing Carlos like that to Carlos himself. It felt daring and bold, but he was terrified in case Carlos had taken it as a personal dig, or even worse, as a childish joke. He was already thinking of forty ways to apologize before a text popped out.
They are good.
So plain and boring, but at least he didn’t seem mad at him? Lando could take that. He was going to reply with a lame thumbs up emoji before another text cut him off.
But I can do better.