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The chaos was overwhelming. When you had agreed to come back for the battle, you hadn't thought it would be this completely consuming. You raised your hand, wand quivering from the shaking of your resolve, and fired a non-verbal spell at the Death Eater who just rounded a corner. He fell to the ground with a loud, resounding thud and left silence behind in its wake.
You had fled to a top corridor, intent on getting to the Astronomy tower. You had every intention of joining them up there and getting a broom. Oliver, you had heard, was on one of the brooms. It wasn't like you were doing this just to see the man you were desperately in love with, no.
Never that.
You just wanted to help them, and you were pretty decent on a broom. Yes, that was exactly it. It wasn't that you were desperately clinging to the hope that, once Oliver and you saw each other again, he would remember how much he had loved you and fall back into your arms. Never.
When that thought did come up, you ruthlessly squashed it.
You pushed through the door to the top of the Astronomy tower, ducking as a spell went whizzing over your head and made the wall behind you in the hall explode. You gasped as a hand reached out, pulling you further forward where you could crouch beneath the wall that ran around the top of the tower. “Careful,” came a voice to your left, and you turned to see Lee Jordan crouching near you. “You might lose your head!” He grinned at you then and you couldn't help beaming back.
“Thanks!” You called to him over the roar of spells and creatures down below. “I owe you one!” You glanced around wildly and noticed there were some brooms in a corner, but Oliver wasn't up here. “Did the others already fly out?”
“Yeah,” Lee told you above the loud din. “They left a few minutes ago. Why? You wanted to go with them?” He jumped to his feet and shot out a few spells, then crouched down by you again. You nodded your head furiously. “You can grab a broom and go out after them. I'm sure they're not too far away. Go ahead!” You grinned at him again, flashed him a thumbs up, and then hurried off towards the brooms. No one else paid you any attention. They were all too busy trying to keep their lives intact and fire spells at the enemies.
You grasped a broom tightly and then rushed back over to the side, throwing your leg over and pushing off from the ground. You hovered for a moment, getting used to it, and then moved just in time to dodge a flash of green that blew past where you were a moment before. Shooting forward, you leaned forward low over your broom and grasped it as tightly as your numb fingers would allow. You could see other broom riders up ahead in the smoke and gloom, spells shooting down from their wands and up at them from the ground below. You hurried in that direction, pushing your broom to go as fast as it possibly could.
You had never taken part in something so nerve wracking or mind numbing. When you had gotten the alert from Katie Bell that a battle was going to take place at Hogwarts, you had rushed to reach there in time. You had been at home, with your roommate, when you had gotten the owl from Katie, your old best friend from your school days. Your roommate had been worried when you had said you were going to answer the call. “Are you barking mad?!” She had asked as she hurried after you when you darted towards the living room, grabbing more comfortable clothes to wear and shoving your wand into your back pocket. “You can't be serious!”
“I am serious,” you said as you whirled back, your eyes bright with excitement, your blood pounding in your veins. “I have never been more sure about anything in my entire life.” It also didn't hurt that Katie had mentioned Oliver was going to be there. You had known instantly when you had read his name what you were going to do.
“This is about him, isn't it?” Your friend asked as you stripped and pulled on the different set of clothing you wanted to wear. They were more free moving, less restrictive to your movements. You would need every little bit of help you could get. “He's going to be there, so you're running back to him just like you always do.”
You turned after you had shoved your head through your shirt's top, your eyes going to meet your roommate's own. “Isn't it always about him?” You asked with a cocky grin that you didn't fully feel. “Anyway, I might not even see him!” Your heart constricted in your chest as you said those words. You wanted to see him. You wanted to see him so badly, to ask him why he had done it, why he had let it all slip away. He didn't answer your owls any more and he didn't try to talk to you when you had tried to hunt him down after school was over for you. He avoided you like the plague. What could have possibly happened to make him leave his three year girlfriend without an explanation?
“Don't get killed!” Your best friend said as you pulled your hair back, getting ready to apparate. You turned to flash her another beaming smile, winking.
“See you soon,” was the last thing you told her before you apparated to Hogsmede, inside of the bar Katie had told you to appear in.
Now, as your perilous perch on your broom was nearly uprooted because of a towering giant, you realized maybe you should have thought harder about this before diving in. You were going to die because you wanted to meet up with Oliver again? Truly? This was completely insane! But you had never felt more alive than you did at this moment. Your breath was stinging your lungs from the piercing cold air, your eyes were watering as you rocketed forward and zoomed around another giant, going upside down and zooming towards the ground, firing spell after spell non-verbally, before you shot back up again towards the stars and moon above.
Someone called your name. You looked around frantically and then found that Katie was racing towards you on her own broom, a grin on her lips. “You made it!” She said as she came up to fly right beside you. “Come on, we're all over here trying to fell a giant!” She waved wildly for you to follow and then rushed off again, wind whipping her brown hair like a flag behind her. You hurried to catch up, pushing your broom to follow at a similar speed.
There he was. Right there, in between Angelina and Alicia, calling out orders and being the leader. He was always great at leading people. When he had been on the Gryffindor Quidditch team it had been no different. He had a natural flair for being the leader, the captain, the one everyone looked to for guidance. “Sorry,” Katie said as she hurried forward to hover next to Angelina. “We had a straggler.” She jerked a thumb over her shoulder towards you, and all eyes turned that way to alight on your form. You ghosted up next to Katie, your face a calm mask of serenity, even though your inner turmoil erupted as soon as Oliver looked your way.
“Hello,” you said in a steady voice as you smiled and jerked your chin upwards in a sort of greeting. “Long time, no see.”
Oliver's eyes went to your face before a shutter came down behind them and hid his feelings from you. His lips were set in a firm line, and you could see that his jaw was clenched tight from the tense air of battle. He looked at you for a moment longer and the shutter wavered, showing a hint of emotion flickering behind those brown eyes, before he dropped his gaze. “Hey,” he called to you and then turned his head forward again, pointing to the giant a little in the distance terrorizing some students on the ground. “We're going after that one. It's giving all the students a hard time. We have to take it out.”
“Right,” you said and nodded.
“We move together,” Angelina called to you and she smiled as she waved towards you. “Work as a team and we should be alright.”
“Got it?” Oliver turned as he asked that, his eyes going back to your own. You kept your face cool as you smiled and nodded. Katie looked at you as well, a small knowing smile on her lips, and then they all cried out “let's go” and everyone darted forward. You were left to push your broom to follow after them, your wand held ready in your hands for the fight that was to come.
The giant didn't like having a bunch of broom fliers suddenly buzzing around its head. Not that you blamed it; you would probably be pretty upset too if you were in its shoes. It swatted at you all, roaring with indignation. The others were firing spells at it, any that came to its mind, and you stopped moving to hover in the air, raising your hand and taking aim. You were pretty good at attacking large creatures and monsters, mostly because you worked for the ministry under the division for taking care of this sort of thing. You had loved Care of Magical Creatures in school because you enjoyed this sort of thing.
You fired a spell directly into its eye, your hand not wavering. You didn't like battling against people, but other magical creatures you were confident in your ability against. The giant roared and whirled about, its other good eye settling on you. Its face was a mask of rage as it stumbled forward, reaching its hands up to grab you. You didn't even blink an eye; another spell shot from your wand tip and it exploded around it, cords of strong ropes tying themselves around it and bringing it down. It roared again and you shot one final spell at it to roll it off the walkway and into the depths below the long plummet.
There was silence for a moment as everyone stopped moving to turn to stare at you. You shrugged, grinning. “It's my job,” you tossed at them as, cackling, you turned your broom and darted off towards another giant you spotted in the distance. You could handle these things no problem. You were pretty good at handling creatures by now and you knew their weaknesses. You had studied it like crazy in school, absorbing all you could get your hands on. Now that you were in this atmosphere, you were sure you would be much, much better now.
It felt like hours (maybe it was hours) when finally the fighting ceased. Voldemort's loud, high voice rang through the castle and grounds to every person, telling them they had an hour to give up Harry Potter before the battle would resume. Your legs hit the ground hard as you landed, stumbling a bit and releasing the broom. You looked around as everyone else landed too, students laying on the ground and groaning, others being eerily quiet.
No one said a word. Some went towards the castle, others went towards the bodies strewn on the ground to help as much as they could. You stood there staring around at the old castle, surprised so much damage had happened in such a short amount of time. There were so many craters and torn asunder walls. The castle didn’t look the same anymore. Great chunks of it were missing higher up, blown open by spells and giants.
You didn't know where to go. You didn't have very many friends here anymore. You didn’t have anyone to check on. Katie had already patted your shoulder and moved off into the distance, so you didn't have to go find her. You stood with your arms hanging limply at your sides, your fingers curled around the bottom of your shirt, clutching it loosely in your grasp.
“What are you doing here?” His voice came from behind you. Turning slowly, as if you had suddenly lost all strength to move at all, you turned your dull gaze upon his pale face. Oliver stood there with his hands lightly shoved into his pockets, as he peered at you with worry in his brown eyed gaze.
“Katie sent word,” you told him with a shrug. “I decided I'd come join in the battle.”
Oliver nodded. His tongue came out to wet his lips and his eyes darted down your frame, then back up to your eyes again. “You look well,” he said with a slightly awkward ring to his words. You looked him over as well.
“As do you,” you responded softly. He did look well. He looked lean, and more toned than he had the last time you had saw him, and he even looked like he was happy. He was happy without you. The thought split through you and rang in your head, rattling your brain and causing your emotions to coil tightly in despair. You tore your eyes away and looked up at the stars, your frown becoming more defined.
“Listen, (Your Name)--” he began but you cut him off.
“Don't,” you told him and you raised a hand without looking, placing it against his lips. He was standing within arm's reach, so it wasn't very hard. “I don't want to hear it.” You left your fingers there for several moments before you allowed your arm to fall away again. “You don't have to explain anything to me, Oliver.”
You could feel his eyes on you, even as you kept your eyes firmly on the stars twinkling weakly above. There were clouds rumbling in the distance, clouds that would surely roll in and cover up the softly glowing stars, but until they did cover them up you would continue to peer up at them. Silence stretched out between the two of you. What was he thinking? Was he thinking he was right to abandon you? You wanted to know his reasons, you truly did. You wanted him to explain to you anyway even though you had told him not to. You had told him not to because you didn’t want him to pity you and tell you because of that.
He said your name again. You didn’t bother tearing your gaze away, but you tilted your head a little towards him to show you were listening. “Katie tells me you got the job you always dreamed of,” Oliver's soft voice hits your ears and you finally drag your eyes away from the stars above. You had subconsciously been wishing as hard as you could that something would click into place, something would go right for once, that you would get what you wanted so badly. You turned your dazed gaze upon him, blinking owlishly. When you only stared at him with your lips pressed lightly together, Oliver took it upon himself to go on. “I hear you finally work in the part of the ministry you wanted.”
“I do,” you responded in a voice devoid of emotion. You stare at him unblinkingly now, taking in every little part of his face, his clothes, as if you wanted to press them into your memory forever. After tonight you probably won't see him again. He'll go back to avoiding you, ignoring you. You were sure of it.
“I'm glad,” he said and he actually sounded it. You furrowed your brows as he grinned at you, then turned his eyes away. He made a sound in the back of his throat and he moved forward, brushing past you. “Neville, let me help you with that.” Neville was carrying a body and you turned around to see it was a blond young man, dead. You averted your eyes, emotions tearing through you. People were dead, and here you were speaking with your ex-boyfriend wishing he would date you.
There were far worse fates, you told yourself.
“What can I do?” You asked as you moved forward, wringing your hands nervously in front of you. Neville turned his gaze on you and he nodded his head towards the Great Hall.
“You could help inside with bandaging and stuff,” he told you and you nodded, quickly abandoning him and Oliver so you could enter the castle and help. You could always talk to Oliver later, you told yourself. There would be plenty of time to speak together after the battle, you assured yourself.
- - -
After the battle had ended, you had collapsed on your knees in the rubble. The castle was in shambles, ruins all around you, and people were dead. There were more injured, but quite a few people had been killed in this fight. You allowed a hand to come up to swipe at your eyes, which were misting over with tears, and then sniffed hard to make sure to keep your composure.
Taking a deep breath, you pushed yourself to your feet and stumbled into the Great Hall. It was all over. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-- no. Voldemort was dead, killed by his own rebounded spell. Harry Potter had saved you all, had saved you from a fate worse than death. There were people celebrating all around now, cheering and laughing and hugging each other even as they cried.
There was only one person you wanted to see.
You glanced all around the Hall, your eyes searching for him. After spending this night fighting for your life, for your freedom, you had to jump right into it. You didn't want to hold back anymore. You didn't want to keep your feelings locked up inside of you. Even if he turned you away and told you that he didn't want to be with you, you wanted one last chance to tell him your love.
Oliver was standing off to the side, speaking in a low voice with Alicia, Katie, and Angelina. You moved in their direction, pushing around people and darting past others who called out to you. Your eyes were only on him and as you pulled up short just in front of him, his eyes came to lock with your own. You had a determined look on your face and Oliver's own facial features pulled into an understanding frown as he realized what you meant to do.
“(Your Name)--” he began, but you held your hand up.
“No, just listen.” You sucked in a deep breath. The other three girls took this chance to slip away, leaving you in what little privacy you had in this crowded hall. Oliver folded his arms over his chest, nodding towards you to show he was listening. “You're a dick,” you said before you could rethink what you had decided to do. Oliver's eyes opened a little wider in surprise, and his mouth dropped open like he would say something in response. “No, shut up,” you snapped and your eyes narrowed.
“You are a huge asshole,” you told him in a terse, tight voice that conveyed your anger. “You broke up with me by owl, Oliver, and for no good reason. You said you needed time away and that you would write to me again once you sorted out your thoughts. I understood that. I understood I was your only girlfriend and you wanted to make sure you wanted to settle down with me before you took that step. But then you never wrote to me again. You sent my owls back to me when I wrote to you, you avoided me at all costs, you refused to speak to me.”
You narrowed your eyes even more dangerously and took a step forward, a finger coming up to poke roughly at his chest. “I don't know what gave you that right, but it was a rude, cruel move on your part.” You took a step back and then took in a huge breath, letting it escape from your chest a moment later. You shook your head and raked a hand through your strands of hair, pushing it away from your face. Your fingers came up to rub over your eyes tiredly, and then you shook your head again. “Just forget it,” you told him and your voice was a whisper, hopeless. “You're never going to understan--” You had turned to move away, but Oliver reached out and grabbed your arm, jerking you to a halt.
“Wait,” he told you in a soft voice. You didn't turn around to look at him, remaining motionless. You tilted your head a little to show you were listening, but you couldn't face him. You didn't want to see his face as he told you he had never loved you, or that he had found someone new and wanted to let you down easy. It was cruel. Didn't he see how horrible it had been to keep you hoping, but never to really mean to come back to you? “Let me explain.”
“Explain what?” You asked him still as you refused to look around at him. “Explain that you weren't in love with me anymore and wanted to be free to see someone else? Explain how you kept me hoping you would come back, that it was just a small break? Please, enlighten me, Oliver. I'm sure it's an entertaining story to tell.”
Oliver sucked in a ragged breath. “You were my first girlfriend,” he began and then trailed off. The silence loomed between you both, even as you turned just a little to look at him from the corner of your eyes.
“That's it?”
“No,” he said and his voice sounded weary, sad.
The silence continued to stretch awkwardly between the two of you. You finally turned to stare at him, pursing your lips together into a tight line. “Well?”
“I was scared,” he told you and his voice was almost inaudible. It had dropped several notches until it barely rasped out of his throat. “I was scared because I knew I wanted to marry you, because I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I wanted time away, time to get my life together, to get my job in order.”
You finally realized your arm was still in his grip and lightly pulled it away, crossing it over your chest as you studied him. He was looking you dead on in the eye, so you knew he wasn't lying. He was telling you the truth as he went on, “I loved you. I still do, (Your Name). Since I saw you earlier, I've been thinking about how horrible I was to you and how much of an idiot. I was worried if I saw you, or responded to your owls, I would lose my nerve and I would go back to you. I would regret it for the rest of my life if I married you too soon and we ended up hating each other for it.”
He swallowed hard and you saw his Adam's apple bob nervously. His eyes roamed over your face, looking for understanding. You kept your face impassive so he couldn't see what you were thinking. You weren't even sure what you were thinking at this point anyway.
“I'm sorry,” he told you and he reached out so his hands could lightly trace over your own, then up your bare arms, until he was grasping you gently by your shoulders. “I'm so sorry for everything I've made you go through. It was selfish of me, and horrible, and cruel as you said already. I don't know if you can ever begin to forgive me, but if you give me the chance, I intend to try.”
“Then I guess you have quite a bit of work ahead of you, Mister Oliver Wood,” you told him in a soft whisper. Your eyes came up to meet his own, emotionless and calm. Oliver reached a hand out but you took a step back, shaking your head. “You take some time to think over it. I don't want you to rush into anything. Not after you got scared off before. You want us to be together again? Hunt me down after tonight and tell me then.”
You took a step back and raised your hand. “See you around.” Then, turning swiftly on the heel of your shoe, you strode off in the direction of the doors. You had no one to celebrate with. You had no one you wanted to sit with all night and talk about the battle. What you wanted right now was your bed and a warm glass of hot chocolate. You wanted to pull yourself underneath the blankets and snuggle into the warmth found there, to close your eyes and will yourself not to fall apart.
Oliver Wood always seemed to have a way of making you feel like you're coming apart at the seams.
- - -
It had been a month since the victory at Hogwarts. Things were slowly starting to fall back together, to get better. Kingsley Shacklebolt was Minister of Magic now. People could walk around outside of their homes without the fear that something horrible could happen to them at any moment. Things were starting to go back to normal.
Except for you.
Every day you sat near the front door, staring blankly at the TV screen but having your entire attention focused on that door. You wanted him to knock, to ring the doorbell, to burst right in without a care for propriety. With each passing day, however, it was shown that that would not be happening. He didn't come.
You should have known.
“He's not coming,” your best friend and roommate said from the entrance of her own room. You didn't even turn around to look at her. You could picture her in your mind's eye. She had her arms crossed tightly over her chest, one hand stretched out far enough from there to hold her mug of coffee, and her eyes were boring holes into the back of your head. You could even picture the fierce frown that was on her lips as she studied you with slightly narrowed eyes. “He never intended on coming. He just fed you lines to get you away from him.”
You shrugged. “I guess then it's time I move o--”
There came a loud knock on the door, followed by silence. Then more knocks. You jumped in surprise by the frantic nature behind them as they began to come harshly, stumbling to your feet. “Hold on a second!” You yelled at the door, rolling your eyes. Your heart began to beat faster but you tried to shove that aside. You didn't want to get your hope up and then it wasn't him. “I'm coming, I'm coming!” Your eyes flashed over to your best friend to find her studying the door with raised brows.
“Doubtful,” she said as her eyes slid over to meet your own. “Very doubtful.” Then she promptly turned and disappeared into her room, closing the door behind her.
Was it him? Was Oliver finally here? Maybe it had taken him a long time to track you down. You weren't very sociable with the old crowd. You just went to work, hung out with a small group of friends you had outside of Hogwarts crew, and then went home. That was it. That was your life now. Maybe it had taken him a month to find where you lived, where you frequented, things like that.
“Oliv--” You dropped off when you opened the door and found a grinning Katie Bell standing in front of you. You frowned instantly.
“Oh,” Katie said with a chuckle, “I see I'm not as well appreciated as Oliver.”
“No, it's nothing like that,” you told her and then sighed. “I just didn't think you'd be standing on my stoop, that's all.”
“Expected Oliver?” She asked knowingly and you shrugged, looking over her shoulder to search the street beyond. Nothing. Not a soul besides Katie standing outside your apartment. “I came by to see if you wanted to go out together. We haven't hung out in awhile.” There was a glitter in her eyes that you didn't quite trust. You narrowed your eyes suspiciously at her. “What?” She asked innocently. “Your school friend can't show up and want to see you?”
“You? Out of the blue? Mmmm, doubtful,” you said, echoing your roommate. You turned to grab your jacket and slipped it on before slipping outside, calling to your roommate that you were going out for a bit. You didn't pause to hear her response. You shut the door behind you and stuffed your hands into your jacket pockets.
“I was thinking we could go to a park that's near here,” Katie said with a grin and then she was skipping off ahead of you, a brisk pace that had you gasping and hurrying to keep up.
“Katie, wait!” You said but she was far ahead of you now, glancing over her shoulder and beaming at you, her hair whipping against her face. She motioned with her hands to tell you to hurry to keep up, then turned a corner and was gone. You broke out into a fast jog, turning the same corner and slamming into someone a moment later. You went flying backwards, crying out in surprise, but strong hands grasped you and helped you to steady yourself.
“Oh,” you said as your eyes went down to your wand, which had fallen out of your pocket when you had stumbled, “I'm so sorr--” You had bent to pick up your wand and, upon standing back up, your eyes met those of Oliver Wood. You blinked, before your skin blanched. “O-Oliver?”
“Hey,” he responded with a soft smile. You just stared at him, mouth agape. “Sorry. I had to ask Katie to bring you here. I didn't want you to slam the door in my face right awa--” You quickly turned on your heel and strode away. “No, wait!” Oliver yelled and hurried to catch up to you, grasping your arm and jerking you to a halt. “Please, just listen.”
“What?” You asked as you turned back around with an intense frown on your lips. “What could you possibly say to make up for not coming for an entire month?”
“I got lost?” You tilted your head to the side and raised one eyebrow mockingly. “No, really, I did.” He grinned sheepishly at you. “You're a tricky person to find,” he explained. “You only work and hang out with a select group of people. I couldn't find you for three weeks, and then a few days ago it came up in a news article. You're working on a big project right now and it's making headlines.”
You nodded. That was correct. You crossed your arms over your chest and tapped your toe lightly against the pavement, waiting. Oliver smiled softly at you and reached a hand out, trailing it against your hair and pushing a strand of it away from your face. Goose bumps rose on your flesh and you tried to suppress the shiver that wanted to shimmer up your spine, trying to make him not realize what kind of an effect he had on you.
“Well, you found me,” you said as you opened your arms and held them to encompass all the area around you. “Now what?”
Oliver didn't waste any words. He stepped forward, cupped your face with both of his hands, and then softly pressed his lips to your own. The kiss was sweet, tender, gentle. He pulled away a moment later and your face was flushed with color, as your eyes went from his lips up to his own brown ones. “I love you,” Oliver said and there was no hesitating, no unsureness. He knew without a doubt he loved you. “I want us to try again, if you'll have me.”
You inhaled through your nose sharply and held it, counting to ten. You wanted to make sure you made a rational, sure decision. You didn't want to rush into it and then regret it later-- “Yes!” You cried and threw your arms around his neck, your heart feeling like it would burst. Maybe this was irrational. Maybe this was foolish. Maybe this was a stupid decision, but you didn't care. Love wasn't logical. Love wasn't rational. Love was just that: it was love. You could love someone who was completely bad for you, but there was nothing you could do about it. Love didn't let you choose. Love chose you.
Oliver laughed, but there was true joy behind it as his arms came around your waist to pick you up and twirl you around. He set you back on your feet again a moment later, his brown eyes shining as he grinned down at you. “I take it that means we're back together,” he said lightly and you playfully punched him on the shoulder.
“Duh, Oliver!” You told him and stuck your tongue out. “You better treat me better this time.”
“I promise,” he whispered and then his lips were on your own again, kissing you breathless, making you melt into a puddle of mush at his feet. Your roommate was going to tease you something horrible when you got back to the apartment and told her. Speaking of someone teasing you--
“Okay, you two, break it up!” Katie said and clapped her hands together. You both jumped apart, your face red, his own tinged pink. You turned to see that Katie and Alicia were standing there, hands in the pockets of their jackets as they grinned and laughed. “You're so cute together! I've missed being able to tease you.”
“I can't wait for you to pick up that wonderful habit again, Katie,” you told her with a roll of your eyes.
“Oh don't worry,” she told you and looped an arm through your own, turning you around and walking lazily back in the direction of your apartment. “I think it's coming back to me.”
“Wonderful. Simply wonderful,” you responded and Oliver laughed as he fell into step on your other side, linking his fingers with your own, holding your hand as you all walked back towards your apartment.
You had been wrong. All those months ago, when you would wish on every falling star and think that it didn't do any good, you had been wrong. It had done good. You had just needed patience to wait for it to work its magic...
... and work its magic it had.