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It's way too early to be awake Tobias thought as he lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. But sleeping any longer felt impossible. He turned his head to see Tris, lying on her side with her back to him, curled in the fetal position as far away from him as she could get. He heaved a sigh as he carefully got out of bed, trying not to disturb her. Their fight last night had been vicious and had left them going to bed without speaking to each other.
Tobias pulled on sweatpants and a shirt in the bathroom, avoiding looking at himself in the mirror. He shouldn't have said what he did, and the lingering guilt left him with a queasy stomach. He quietly went downstairs to the kitchen. Turning on the light, he found himself just staring at the coffeemaker. The very idea of acidic coffee on his upset stomach was enough to have him pouring a glass of water instead. Closing his eyes, he leaned the cool glass against his forehead; the headache that popped up after their argument was still there.
He was an ass, he admitted to himself. He'd been walking on eggshells with Tris for the last two months. It had been tough with her recovery from the surgery and adjusting to being back together every day after seventeen months apart. He knew she was struggling with the loss of her fertility, so he'd been extra careful with her, swallowing back angry words and biting his tongue with each emotional outburst.
But last night, he just couldn't take it anymore. Her snippy attitude led him to speak back to her sharply. They had traded barbs, each of their voices getting louder with every verbal blow exchanged. Finally he'd exploded, yelling at her that he was sick of walking on fucking eggshells with her, and maybe she should go to grief counseling like the doctor had suggested because they needed to move on. Tris had paled, called him an asshole and stomped up the stairs, slamming their bedroom door behind her. Tobias had nearly put his fist through the wall. He'd gone up to try and apologize, but she'd frozen him out, making him angry all over again. He pouted downstairs in the living room so he wouldn't say something else he'd regret, but by the time he'd calmed down enough to try again, she was asleep, or at least pretending to be.
Tobias looked up as she entered the kitchen. She was dressed in workout clothes, her hair pulled up into a ponytail. Her eyes slid from his quickly, but he still noticed the deep circles under her eyes. She hadn’t slept any better than he had. She opened the refrigerator door, blocking his view of her.
"Tris..." he began.
She closed the fridge, a bottle of water in her hand. Turning her back to him and walking to the front door, she announced, "I'm going to the gym,” before grabbing her purse, almost slamming the door behind her.
Tobias resisted the urge to throw the glass in his hand. Instead, he turned around and carefully set it in the sink. He stared down, his hands gripping the edge of the counter and slowly breathed in and out, willing himself to calm down. After several long minutes, he felt more in control, and released his death grip on the counter. It had been years since he'd had to keep such a tight rein on himself, and he silently thanked Hana for forcing him into anger management therapy as a kid. In the last few years he'd been so happy, he hadn't had much need for the techniques he'd learned to curb his anger. But in these last couple of months with Tris, they'd proven invaluable. He never, ever wanted to turn into his father. He'd leave her first.
He thought about calling Hana, just to hear her voice. She may have only been his foster mother, but she was more of a parent to him than either of his biological ones ever were. She had a way of cutting through his bullshit, calling him out when he was being a jerk yet supporting him all at the same time. He invariably felt better when he unloaded his problems on her, but she'd just gotten off shift at the hospital and he didn't want to wake her.
Movement in the backyard caught his attention as he stood there; he groaned when he realized the wind had blown the recyclables all over the backyard. He glanced at the sky and figured he'd better go now before the rain he could see brewing unleashed. He grabbed his sneakers from beside the door and hurried out, rescuing the blue bin and chasing plastic and cardboard across the lawn. He grumbled at the city's famous moniker and cursed Mother Nature, convinced she was teasing him out of some sort of female solidarity for being a jackass to Tris.
He finally got everything back in place and hauled the half full bin closer to the back of the house, wondering what he could use to weigh it down. As he was looking around for a big enough rock, he heard a small cry. He paused, looking around the yard. Hearing it again, Tobias realized it was a meow. Frowning, he set the bin on the driveway next to his car. None of the neighbors had cats that he was aware of, and in the time he'd been back, he hadn't seen any tromping around the yard. He listened closely as the meowing continued, trying to follow the sound. He walked closer to the air conditioner and bent down: between the unit and the house was a small gray cat with black stripes. The cat was clearly stuck, more than likely having squeezed in there looking for shelter.
"Hey buddy," Tobias said gently. "Let me help you out of there." He cautiously reached out his hand, letting the cat sniff it and wondered if it was the same for cats as dogs. The cat looked up at him with mossy green eyes and let out another plaintive meow. "It's okay, I gotcha."
Tobias began to carefully work the cat out. After a moment, Tobias was able to extract it from its position behind the condenser. He held the cat up, realizing it was probably closer to a kitten than a full grown cat. He examined it, not seeing any obvious injuries or a collar with tags. Tobias looked up as the first drops of rain hit his head. Cats hated the rain, so he decided it was probably not a good idea to leave the poor thing out in the elements. Tucking the cat against his chest, he took it inside.
He sat the cat down on the couch and sat on the coffee table across from it. He and the cat stared at each other. "So," he began, "What's your story?"
The cat meowed.
"Are you a boy or a girl?" The cat just stared at him. Sighing, Tobias carefully picked it up and turned it around. "Okay, boy it is,” he said as he set the cat back down.
The cat tucked his legs underneath himself and stared at Tobias while he rubbed the back of his neck. "What am I going to do with you?" he asked, answering the question he was sure the cat was thinking. "I'm not really sure. I should probably get you to a vet, huh?" The cat blinked and Tobias took that as acquiescence. He reached for his tablet which he’d left on the end table and Googled local vets with Saturday hours, finding one not too far away.
He jogged up to his office and rooted around until he found a box that was large enough to fit the cat. It had some of his stuff from Washington he hadn’t unpacked yet, so he dumped it on the floor and took it downstairs.
“Okay,” he said, “This kind of sucks, but at least it’ll get you there in one piece and we won’t have an accident with you crawling all over my car.” He picked the cat up and placed him in the box. The cat looked up at him. “Yeah, not comfortable. Okay, hold on.”
He went into the kitchen and dug through the cabinet under the sink, looking for the rags Tris kept under there for cleaning. He found an old, torn towel and decided that would be perfect. As soon as he dropped it into the box, the cat curled up on it. Tobias nodded in satisfaction. “Okay buddy, let’s get going.”
**********
Meeting Christina after the gym was more than just a way to stay away from Tobias. Tris hoped her best friend would commiserate with her in calling Tobias an insensitive jerk. However, when Tris finished talking, Christina merely sat back and focused her sharp brown eyes on her friend.
“What?” Tris asked. This was not the reaction she’d hoped for.
“Tris, did it occur to you that maybe Tobias has a point?”
Tris’s mouth nearly dropped open. “Are you kidding?”
Christina shook her head and sighed. “Tris, I’ve been walking on those same eggshells with you. We all have. We’re worried about you.” Christina stared at her, watching the blood creep into Tris’s cheeks, her gray eyes flashing with fury. Of course she was going to do this the hard way, Christina thought. It was time for some tough love.
Tris threw her napkin on the table, intending to get up, but Christina’s hand shot out and gripped Tris’s hard. “Oh no you don’t,” she said. “It is past time we talked about this.”
“I don’t want to talk about it!” Tris said, struggling to keep her voice low.
“Too goddamn bad,” Christina shot back. “You don’t get that choice. I’ve never held back my opinion from you and I damn well am not going to start now.” Once she was sure Tris wouldn’t bolt, Christina released her hand. “Look, Tris, I love you as much as my own sister, but it is past time to deal with this.”
Tris took a breath, hoping to quell the panic, anger, grief and fear all swirling inside her. Her eyes filled as she struggled not to cry. She didn’t want to show such emotions in public. “You can’t know what it’s like, Christina.”
“No, but I do know what it’s like to be married. And do you seriously want to lose Tobias over this?”
Tris shot her a sharp look. “I’m not going to lose him.”
“You sure?” Christina taunted, leaning forward. “You keep shutting him out and you just might.” She paused and sat back, not wanting to push too hard. “He’s hurting too, Tris,” she said softly. “This didn’t just happen to you. It happened to him too.”
Tris looked down at her barely eaten omelet. She had avoided every conversation Tobias had tried to have about the surgery or adoption. She knew she’d been hurting him. She could see it but she had been too miserable to stop. “I wanted to give him a family,” she said quietly.
Christina squeezed her hand. “Tris, you two are already a family. If you want kids, you can have them. You know better than anybody that having a baby doesn’t make you a family. And giving birth isn’t the only way to be a mother.”
Tris took a shaky breath, knowing Christina was right. “But this wasn’t how it was supposed to be.”
“No, but it's how it is.” Christina’s dark eyes filled with sympathetic tears. “This is your path, honey, and you have to walk it. You can do this, I know you can. Remember, you aren’t doing this alone. You’ve got Tobias and you’ve got me. Hell, you’ve got Will, Zeke, Shauna, Uriah, Hana, Marlene, Tori. We’re all here. You aren’t alone. You never will be.”
Tris turned her hand over and squeezed Christina’s back. “Where does that grief group meet?”
**********
Tris paused a moment before opening the door; she was a little nervous. She’d finally admitted to herself and Christina that she hadn’t exactly been fair to Tobias, and she hoped he could forgive her. When she opened the door, she could smell something cooking, and her guilt increased. Tobias was a great cook and usually did it to calm himself when it wasn’t his turn. She closed the door quietly, turned around and stopped, noticing a little gray and black ball of fluff curled up on a couch cushion, sleeping. She frowned. They’d talked about pets, but it was something they hadn’t discussed since before Tobias left for Washington. Tris wanted a dog, but a cat hadn’t been ruled out.
She walked to the kitchen and stared at Tobias’s back. He was steadily chopping vegetables. She cleared her throat nervously. “Hi.”
He stopped chopping and raised his head, keeping his back to her. She saw him draw in a deep breath. “Hi. I’m just getting a jump start on dinner,” he said, and went back to chopping vegetables.
Tris moved to him and put her hands on his waist. She felt the tremor go through him as she slid one arm around his waist, the other curving under his arm, running up his chest to rest on his shoulder. He put the knife down when he felt her bury her face in his back, his hands covering hers on his stomach. She let out a relieved breath. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled into his back.
He turned around and pulled her into his arms, kissing the top of her head. “No, I’m sorry. I should be more patient and understanding.”
She shook her head, not raising it from his chest. “You have been. You’re right. I haven’t been dealing with this and I need to. We need to.” She looked up at him, her eyes brimming with tears. “I love you. I don’t want us to keep hurting.”
He bent his head and brushed his lips across hers. “We won’t.”
Tris deepened the kiss, her tongue rubbing across his. She let her hands trail up and down his muscular back, soothing and kindling something deep inside him at the same time. When they broke for air, she was smiling. “I missed that.”
“I missed you,” he emphasized, resting his forehead against hers. For the first time in a couple of months, Tobias felt like he could breathe, and that maybe everything would be okay again.
“Everything will be okay,” Tris said, and Tobias huffed out a chuckle.
“You read my mind again,” he murmured.
“Good to know I haven’t lost my touch.” Tobias hugged her to him tightly, thrilled she was finally teasing him again.
“So, what’s with the cat?” she asked, pulling away.
He laughed a little. “I found him outside, stuck behind the air conditioner.” Tobias hesitated for a moment. “I took him to the vet, just in case. They think he’s about seven or eight months old. He’s in relatively good condition, so he probably hasn’t been on his own the whole time. But there was no collar and no microchip, so we have no way of finding who he belongs to.”
“Hmm,” Tris said noncommittally, walking into the living room. Tobias followed her and watched as she sat next to the cat on the couch. The cat lifted his head and looked at her with his big, green eyes, pulling her into a staring contest. “We can take him to a shelter tomorrow,” Tobias said softly.
Tris turned to her husband, an amused look on her face. “What did you name him?” she asked.
Tobias heaved a sigh. “Grover.”
She ran a finger across the cat’s head. “Grover’s a nice name.” Grover meowed, and Tris chuckled. “I think he likes it.”
Tobias shoved his hands in his pockets. “It seemed to fit him.”
Tris stared at him, noting the tight set of his shoulders and how he kept shifting his weight from one foot to the other. “Do you want to keep him, Tobias?”
He looked down at his feet. “I guess,” he mumbled.
Tris laughed. “Seriously, do you want to keep him?”
He turned his hopeful blue eyes on her, and she felt a pang of loss. She’d hoped to have a little boy or girl give her the same look one day. She quashed the feeling as he asked, “Can we?”
She smiled. “He certainly seems comfortable here.” At that, Grover stood, stretched and climbed into Tris’s lap, curling himself up again. She laughed softly. “Really comfortable. Let’s keep him.”
Grinning, Tobias sat next to her and threw his arm around her shoulders, pressing his lips to the side of her head. “I’m okay if its just us, you know,” he whispered. “Just you and me.”
“And Grover,” she added, leaning into Tobias and nuzzling him with her head.
He laughed. “And Grover.”