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February 22nd
Alec quietly went to the kitchen and placed the cake that he had baked on the plate. He lighted a candle on it and spread rainbow sprinkles over it because Magnus liked them a lot.
He was feeling giddy with excitement since it was Magnus’s birthday today.
He had never been this excited for his own birthday.
But this was Magnus.
And everything related to Magnus meant so much to Alec.
He put on a nice sweater, one without holes in it, and fluffed his hair a bit. He wanted to look nice but also not make it apparent that he had made some effort.
He wanted to look nice for Magnus.
Which is a very normal thing to want for a friend.
People want to look nice for their friends, right? People should want to be obsessed with their friends and the things they love.
It should be normal to think constantly about your friends 24x7 without it having any romantic intent.
Right?
Alec picked up the plate and knocked on Magnus’s door, but there was no noise from the other end, which was fair since Magnus slept like the dead.
Alec turned the knob and stepped inside the room.
And oh fuck.
The other man was sleeping wrapped up like a burrito, with only his face visible from the outside.
And lord—what a gorgeous face it was.
Magnus looked beautiful.
No.
Beautiful was an understatement.
Alec wanted to meet the person who introduced the word beautiful. He wanted to ask that person what or who made them use this word and then tell them that beautiful was nothing compared to what Magnus looked like.
No word would ever be able to describe Magnus.
He crossed the distance from the door to the bed. Alec snatched the comforter from Magnus and then screamed at him.
“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” He went closer to the man and yelled at the top of his lungs.
Magnus jolted awake at that and started screaming. He took out the knife from under his pillow and launched it at Alec.
“Don’t come near me or I will kill you.” Magnus shouted.
Alec’s eyes widened, and he put his hands up in the air, and the cake fell on the ground.
“Magnus, oh my god, it’s me.”
The man blinked.
And then again.
“Alexander?”
Alec walked slowly and turned on the light.
“Yes, it’s me.”
Magnus dropped the knife from his hands and jumped into Alec’s arms, and clutched at his sweater tightly. Alec’s arm hung in the air for a few seconds, but then he regained a few brain cells and put his arms around the other man.
“Shhhh, it’s okay.” He soothed and ran one hand through Magnus’s hair and the other one around Magnus’s back gently.
After a couple of minutes, Magnus calmed down and pulled back, and Alec immediately missed having the man in his arms.
Magnus took a deep breath before he punched Alec across the shoulder.
“You fucking asshole. You scared the living fuck out of me.”
Alec gave him a sheepish look. “I’m sorry. Are you okay?”
Magnus hummed. “What’s this all about?”
What was this all about?
Oh.
Magnus’s birthday.
He looked around before his eyes noticed the cake smudged to pieces on the ground.
He tried not to be too disheartened at that and took out the gift he had gotten for Magnus from his pocket.
“It's your birthday. I wanted to wish you. Happy birthday, Magnus.” Alec said happily.
Magnus frowned at that.
“What?”
Alec rolled his eyes at him. “I know it’s not Magnus Bane-level surprise or preparation but I have all of that planned for tomorrow.”
“Alexand—“
“Everyone’s coming tomorrow. And when I say everyone, I mean everyone. It’s like everyone in uni is obsessed with you.” Alec rambles. “I mean I do get it but—“
Magnus shook his head at him. “Alec, no. It’s not my birthday today.”
“We’re going shopping tomorrow first thing in the morning and then—wait what?” Alec stopped midway.
Magnus sighed softly. “It’s not my birthday today, darling.”
What the actual fuck?
“What do you mean? I thought it’s on the 22nd of Feb.”
“Who told you that?”
“Raphael and Ragnor.”
Magnus swore at that. “Those assholes. They were playing with you, Alexander.”
“Why?”
“Because they are Raphael and Ragnor. I promise you I'm going to beat their asses for this.” Magnus said apologetically.
Alec felt a little bit stupid at this.
But no effort spent on Magnus was worthless. So he didn’t really care. “Oh no. I'm going to kill them. With Izzy’s cooking.”
Magnus let out a soft chuckle, and Alec felt it on his face.
It was only then that he realised how close the two of them were.
Alec realised that he had no other reason to be here anymore, so he decided to leave. “I'm sorry for ruining your sleep, by the way. I should let you sleep now.”
Magnus’s eyes landed on the cake then.
“You did this for me?”
“Yeah.”
Magnus looked a little saddened by that. Alec didn’t know why.
“I’m sorry all that effort got wasted.”
Alec gave him a smile. “It wasn’t. I'll make another on your actual birthday. When is it?”
Magnus paused then.
“What?”
“Your birthday? When is it?”
“2nd May.”
“Alright. Get ready for more yelling on 2nd May.” Alec grinned.
Magnus returned the smile, but it didn’t really reach his eyes. “You don’t have to do any of that.”
“We’ll see.”
He turned towards the door to leave but then he remembered something and turned back.
“Magnus.”
“Hmmm.“
“Why the hell do you sleep with a knife under your pillow?”
Magnus picked up the knife and put it inside one of the drawers. “It’s not a real knife, don’t worry. It’s one of those fake knife thingies, and has been a habit since foster care.”
Alec’s heart clenched at that.
He could not imagine how unsafe Magnus must have felt his entire life. He didn’t know a lot about Magnus’s past, but he knew bits and pieces.
He knew that it wasn’t a happy childhood.
He just hummed at Magnus since he didn’t really have anything else to say. “Alright. I’m going to sleep now.”
Magnus paused before speaking. “Can you stay here tonight?”
Alec thought he was going to have an aneurysm because his brain couldn't possibly be working currently.
Because if it was—then it wouldn’t let him daydream stupid stuff like Magnus wanting him to stay inside his room in the middle of the night.
“I mean…I mean you don’t have to. But we could watch a movie or something.” Magnus said, avoiding Alec’s gaze. He looked vulnerable and sad and lost.
Alec didn’t like that expression on his face.
Especially when he didn’t know the reason for it.
So it didn’t take him very long to answer.
“Hallmark movie marathon?”
“It’s February.”
Alec grinned. “I know.”
“Are you going to keep on commenting about the inaccuracies of American towns that are portrayed in those movies non-stop?” Magnus says dramatically.
“Yep.”
“I’m in,” Magnus said with a mischievous smile on his face, and this time it reached his eyes too. “Come on, you find a movie, and I’ll be back in a minute with some popcorn and hot chocolate.”
Alec nodded at him and made himself comfortable in Magnus’s bed.
Magnus came back a few minutes later, and by the time Alec had wrapped himself in the blanket.
“Blanket hog.” Magnus rolled his eyes and snuggled close to Alec, and out the popcorn on his stomach.
“This blanket is too soft. If you get murdered someday, know that’s it’s because someone wants this blanket.” Alec quipped.
Magnus chuckled and laid his head on Alec’s shoulder, and Alec forgot to breathe for a second.
It’s not the first time they have done that.
They have been living together for a year now. Have known each other for two.
They have had countless movie nights, but Alec felt like he couldn’t breathe every single time.
He had worried that maybe he had some heart problems and had even gone to get it checked.
It had been a fun trip when the doctor had asked him about all the symptoms and then told him that it was a heart problem but not the kind that they deal with.
Alec had wanted to jump out of the window right then.
“And who is this blanket murderer going to be? Will you protect me?” Magnus fluttered his eyes lashes.
Asshole.
“Nope. I’m going to help that person. I’ll get a shared custody with them for the blanket.”
“You can share custody of the blanket with me, if you want,” Magnus muttered, but Alec didn’t hear him.
“What?”
“Nothing.” Magnus answered a little too fast.
“Okay, shut up now, I’m starting the movie.”
Magnus shifted and picked up the coffee mugs, and passed one to Alec. “I’m not the one who has an incessant habit of constantly talking during movies.”
“Fuck off. You love it.”
“Sounds fake but okay.”
Alec rolled his eyes and took a sip from his mug.
They watched a Christmas prince, and Alec complained about it the entire time.
And then they watch the second part of the movie.
“Hey.” Magnus nudged him when they were halfway through the second part.
“Yeah.”
“Thank you.”
Alec raised an eyebrow. “For what?”
Magnus just bopped his nose at that. It didn’t seem like he was going to say what for so he let it go too.
“Hey.” Alec nudged him this time.
“What?“
“Happy not-birthday, Magnus.”
Magnus huffed lightly at him and relaxed back against his shoulder.
The two of them fall asleep, wrapped into each other, with Alec’s head on Magnus’s chest.
The last thing Alec remembered doing was sending a text on their group chat.
Raphael and Ragnor. I am coming for you two.
__________________________________________
May 2nd
“Okay, turn off the lights. Izzy just texted me and she will be here with Magnus any second.”
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Cat asked him. “Magnus is not a fan of surprises.”
Alec kissed Cat on the head excitedly. “What are you talking about? Magnus is always surprising all of us on our birthdays. It’s time someone does it for him.”
“But—“
“No buts.”
Alec has been planning this party for weeks now.
Ever since Magnus’s not-birthday.
Fucking Raphael and Ragnor.
Magnus had looked surprised that someone would do something as small as bake a cake for him which was stupid, according to Alec, since everyone would literally move the mountains for him.
Or that's just him.
Regardless.
This would be the best surprise party of Magnus's life.
Six months of planning were nothing.
Alec would spend his entire life making every moment of Magnus’s life special.
Which is a very normal thing to want for your friend.
It’s very normal.
There’s nothing weird or alarming about it.
Except for the very small fact that he was, you know—in love with the man.
Impossibly and madly and irrevocably in love with him.
It was fine.
It was not a big deal.
Alec was fine with being in love with his best friend. Even if the said man didn’t have a single clue about his feelings.
Izzy and Jace have been relentlessly teasing him about it.
Alec would tell Magnus about his feelings if there was even a shred of hope that Magnus could ever reciprocate those feelings.
But Magnus didn't.
Because he was Magnus.
And Alec was just—Alec.
It’s fine.
Alec was fine.
He could still do all the things he wanted to do for Magnus as a friend.
Cat turned and glared at Ragnor and Raphael. “You two should have told him earlier.”
“This is going to end well,” Raphael muttered under his breath, but Alec ignored it.
“Why am I being forced to do this?” Ragnor grumbled.
“Because you two assholes made me look like an idiot the last time. So even though you hate parties, you are going to spend the entire night here with half the college present. Deal with it.”
Just then his phone pinged, indicating that Magnus was here.
He motioned at everyone to shut up. “He’s here.”
Jace turned off the lights, and all of them hid around the loft hat Alec and Magnus lived in.
The doorknob turned, and Magnus and Izzy entered.
He could make out Magnus’s figure going near the switchboard to turn on the lights, but it wouldn’t work since Alec had the main switch off.
“Why is it not turning on?” Magnus groaned. “Oh fuck. Was I supposed to pay the electricity bill this time? Alec is going to kill me.”
Alec smiled at that. Magnus was shit at paying off the bills on time.
Even though both of them were living at Magnus’s place, Alec was the one who took care of all this stuff.
He liked doing that.
He liked taking care of Magnus.
Alec motioned Jaace to turn off the light, and then the room sparkled with lights around and they all screamed together. “SURPRISE!!!!!!”
Izzy clapped loudly and planted a kiss on his cheeks. “Happy birthday, Magnus.”
Magnus’s eyes widened.
He seemed stunned for a good minute.
“Which one of you fuckers planned this?”
Alec frowned at that. Magnus didn't look as happy as he should.
Maybe Cat was right, and Magnus didn't like surprises for himself.
He probably wanted a low-key birthday, and Alec went all out and invited half the university students to their place.
Everyone paused before pointing at Alec.
Traitors.
“You planned this?” Magnus asked.
He nodded his head.
“Who said that it's my birthday today?”
There weren't a lot of moments when Alec got mad at Magnus.
Exasperated? Sure
But mad? Almost never.
But right now, Alec could feel getting a little pissed at whatever was happening.
“You did.”
Magnus’s face changed a few expressions before recognition dawned on his face. “That night.”
“Wait. So it's not your birthday today?” Simon asked.
Magnus shook his head. “No.”
“Why did you say it was then?” Alec swallowed.
The other man’s eyes darted across the room and it seemed like he went through a hundred emotions within a span of 30 seconds before he chose a playful expression on it.
“The same reason Ragnor and Raphael lied. I was just playing, Alexander.”
Alec felt stupid this time.
And so fucking embarrassed.
He had spent the past few months going over this day. Planning the perfect surprise party and making sure that not a single one out of the 200 people slipped up, even accidentally, and it had all been some stupid joke for Magnus.
He turned on his heel and made his way to leave for his room, but Magnus came running after him and hugged him from behind.
“No wait.”
“Magnus, it's fine.” He said sharply, but the man tightened his hold on Alec, and he could feel the other man’s breath on his neck.
He turned Alec around so that they were facing each other and wrapped his arms around his neck.
They were too close.
It would be so easy to lean into it and kiss the man.
Fuck.
Alec really wanted to kiss Magnus.
“I’m sorry.” Magnus said earnestly and it was all it took for Alec to forgive it.
“I hate you.”
A small smile crept up on Magnus's face.
“Alexander. I really really am sorry.”
Alec moved his hands to Magnus’s waist and pulled him even closer, forgetting that they were standing in a room full of people.
While the said people were staring at them.
He didn't really care when he had Magnus in his arms, looking all bashful and beautiful all at the same time.
“You’re awful.”
The smile on Magnus’s face widened and turned into a full-blown grin now. “I know.”
Alec huffed lightly, and Magnus put his head against Alec’s shoulder and hugged him. He wrapped his arms around Magnus’s waist and pulled him further against him—as if that was even possible.
“You’re horrible.”
Magnus chuckled lightly at that. “Anything else?”
“Let me check my list,” Alec said and took out an invisible paper from his pocket and pretended to read from it. “Annoying. Infuriating. Terrible. Moronic.”
Beautiful. Funny. Charming. Pretty. Smart. Love of my life.
A breathless peal of laughter left Magnus’’s body. “Thank you so much, darling. You think very highly of me.”
Alec hummed. “You have that effect on people.”
“Not to get in between whatever's happening there, but are we having a party here or not?” One of the seniors asked.
The two of them realised that everyone had been staring at them and pulled back slightly.
Magnus picked up two bottles of beer from the table and passed one to Alec. He kissed Alec on the cheeks and shouted. “To Alec. Bestest best friend in the world.”
Everyone yelled ‘To Alec,’ and he blushed in return.
The party started, and in a minute, everyone was screaming and drinking.
Alec found Jace and Izzy, who were whispering something to each other.
“What?”
“When are you going to tell Magnus that you are in love with him?”
Alec rolled his eyes. “Let me think. Hmm. Never.”
Izzy smacked him on the chest.
“Ow.”
“Just tell him. I am telling you Magnus likes you too. Everyone can see it.”
Jace had a smirk on his face, which meant that he was about to say something really stupid. “Don't.”
“How did it feel to dry hump the man in the middle of the room filled with people.”
Alec put his hand on his brother’s face. “Give me one good reason why I should not kill you.”
“That’s what Valentine used to say to me when I would try to get out of my room when he took me as a child.” Jace sniffled.
Alec blinked.
“Are you really using your childhood trauma to get out of being punched for saying stupid shit?“
Jace pretended to wipe fake tears from his face. “Is it working?”
He paused.
“No, you moron.”
His brother chuckled loudly at him and Alec really, really wanted to punch him.
Before he could do that, he felt a punch against his ribs and heard another scream from his right side.
Izzy punched them both.
Figured.
“You’re both morons.”
“We’re not.” They both said petulantly.
Izzy gave her an exasperated eye roll. “You need to tell Magnus how you feel. You can’t keep all of this inside. You deserve to get this off your chest. And Magnus deserves to know that you love him.”
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why does he deserve to know I love him? These are my feelings, I get to keep them to myself.”
Izzy sighed.
“You do but—.” She continued with a soft smile this time. “Everyone deserves to be loved, Alec. It can never hurt to know that someone loves you in this world. I think Magnus deserves to be loved by you unconditionally. And I think you deserve to love without second guessing every single one of your moves too.”
He hated when Izzy said deep and meaningful shit like this.
Your siblings are not supposed to say deep stuff.
They are supposed to act stupid and idiotic all the time.
Like Jace.
The second he thought that Jace straightened up and took his face in his hands.
“Hey. Listen to me.”
“You’re making it quite impossible not to listen to you.”
“No amount of love is ever wasted.”
Oh hell.
Not Jace too.
He picked up two bottles of beer and handed them to them because he needed them back to doing stupid shit. “Drink up.”
He was a great big brother like that.
All nine of them were standing in the living room, playing twister, when someone asked.
“Okay but if not today, when is your birthday Magnus.”
“Wouldn’t you like to know, Shermin?” Magnus smirked.
Alec let out a chuckle. “Come on. What’s all the secrecy about?”
Magnus dropped his gaze. “I’m just not a fan of birthdays.”
“Why?”
“I’m just not.”
He didn’t want to push Magnus to share something he didn’t want to so he let it go.
“Okay, but will you at least tell us when is it?”
“15th December.”
Alec looked at Magnus intently for a second.
“What?”
“Are you fucking with us again?”
Magnus chuckled. “No.”
“Doubtful. But okay.”
The man pushed him lightly. “Stop watching so many crime documentaries. You’re getting way too suspicious of everything.”
“Happens when you have backstabbers as your friends.” Alec accused, staring at Magnus, Raphael and Ragnor.
The party continued till the next morning, and Alec woke up with a splitting headache, his body aching from top to bottom.
He turned around to find all of them sleeping in Alec’s room, everyone’s limbs across each other in a pile of mess.
He found himself covered with Magnus’s blanket and found a smile creeping on his face.
His eyes darted across the room, but he couldn’t see Magnus anywhere, so he wrapped the blanket across his shoulder and went outside.
He crossed all the sleeping bodies in the living room and went straight to the balcony, where Magnus was lounging on the couch.
“Hey.”
Magnus raised his head, and their eyes met. His eyes softened at Alec.
Alec stepped forward and sat next to Magnus, and wrapped the blanket around him.
“You’ll get cold.”
“Some guy stole my blanket last night.”
Alec sniffled. “Hmmm. Sounds like an evil person.”
“He’s pretty cute.”
“What are you doing out here?”
Magnus exhaled heavily at that. “Needed some air.” He passed his coffee mug to Alec, who took a sip from it and breathed.
“Why does your coffee always taste so much better?”
They lay snuggled up against each other before Magnus spoke again.
“Hey Alexander.”
“Hmmm.”
“I have to tell you something.”
“What?”
“Remember last night when we were talking about my—“, Magnus’s words were interrupted by loud screaming from inside.
“Evil cat.”
Magnus straightened up at that. “If I found out that anyone hurt Chairman, I’m going to torch the entire university to the ground.”
Alec let out a laugh at that and stood up. “Come on. Let’s go rescue Chairman.”
—————————————
December 15th
“You are insufferable.” Izzy groaned.
“What?”
“Can you stop pacing around the room? He’s not coming back from war you know?”
Alec rolled his eyes at her. “Shut up.”
Fine.
He was being a bit rude, but he hadn’t talked to Magnus in a week.
Magnus had gone on a week-long trip with Cat, Ragnor and Raphael to god knows where. He had been very secretive about the location.
Alec had tried to ask him so many times, but the other man would budge.
It had stung just the teensiest bit.
But more than that, he had been concerned. Not for Magnus.
But for himself.
Because how the hell was he supposed to survive without talking to Magnus for an entire week.
Magnus and his friends decided to go to some area where there was no network.
No texting. No calls. Nothing.
Just the four of them.
Alec was glad that Magnus had that in his life, but this had been the longest they had gone without talking, and he missed the other man incredibly so.
He was coming back today, and Alec couldn’t wait to see him.
He felt like he was going to do something stupid like kiss him or profess his undying love for him.
Calm down, Alec. Calm down.
The door opened, and Magnus walked in.
Alec didn't give the man a single second and jumped into his arms.
Magnus let out a loud laugh at that and picked him up a little, and swayed them around.
“God. I missed you.” Alec breathed.
“Me too, darling.”
They stood wrapped around each other for some time before Izzy and Jace greeted him.
“Come on, get ready now. We’re going out.”
Magnus groaned. “No, I'm too tired.”
Alec blinked.
“Magnus saying no to a party? Is everything right in the world? Did you get exchanged with your evil twin?”
Magnus rolled his eyes at Jace. “Just tired.”
“But it's your birthday. We’ll just go out for dinner. Only a few hours and then you can sleep for the next two days.”
“My birthday?”
“Yeah. Wait, were you lying this time too? I swear to god Magnus–”
Magnus shook his head. “No. No. It’s my birthday.”
Alec beamed at that and pulled Magnus in a hug again and missed when the other man winced. “Happy birthday, Magnus.”
Izzy and Jace hugged him next. Followed by Clary and Simon.
“I’ll just freshen up, and then we can leave.” Magnus sighed and left for his room.
Alec frowned at him but tried not to give it too much thought.
Maybe Magnus really was very tired.
They reached the restaurant an hour later, joined by Cat, Raphael and Ragnor.
The three of them looked concerned for some reason.
They all settled on their places and raised a toast to Magnus. The next few hours were spent chatting lightly, but the entire night felt off to Alec.
He didn’t know what was wrong, but there was something going on that he wasn’t aware of.
Magnus felt lost the entire night—like he was present with them but not really.
Raphael, Ragnor and Cat kept on sharing secret glances with each other, but they were not really that secretive, as all of them noticed.
“You okay?” He nudged Magnus.
Magnus nodded his head and continued picking on the steak that he had ordered for himself. “Yeah I’m good.”
“I’m sorry if you wanted to rest today and didn’t want any of this.” He said honestly.
The other man shook his head at that. “No. I’m good. This is perfect.”
Alec tried to believe the words.
“Alright.”
“There’s a new club nearby. We should go there and check it out,” Clary suggested, and everyone nodded.
Magnus excused himself to go to the washroom.
Ragnor followed a minute later, saying he had a call.
And then Cat and Raphael.
See?
Not very subtle.
“Did something happen on their trip? They all seemed weird.” Jace pointed out.
Alec didn’t have an answer either. “I’m not sure. I’ll go check.”
He found them outside the restaurant in less than five seconds.
“That’s a horrible excuse, Raphael.” Magnus pointed out. “I need a real emergency to get out of here.”
“I can fake a heart attack.” Ragnor suggested.
Magnus hummed. “I know you act like a 55 year old but faking a heart attack is a little too much. We need something else.”
“We can say that Raphael just got alcohol poisoning.” Cat suggested.
“Raphael doesn’t even drink. Have you all sold your brain cells to someone?” Magnus asked incredulously.
“Or you could just tell Alec the truth.”
“And what’s that?”
Cat rolled his eyes. “That it’s not your birthday today either.”
“Shhh. Don’t say that. Alec cannot find out.”
“It’s not your birthday today.” Alec stepped forward and spoke.
There was a minute of silence before all of them turned and looked at him with horrified expressions on their faces.
Magnus’s face was covered with guilt all over it.
“Alexander I—“
“Save it.” He interrupted. “I’m done.”
“Alec, I can explain.”
What was there to explain?
All of this was just a stupid prank for Magnus.
“I don’t know what you’re getting out of playing with all of our feelings again and again but I’m done. I hope you had fun.” He said sharply.
Magnus put a hand on his wrist, but Alec took it back. “Alec, it’s not like that.”
“Really?” Alec raised an eyebrow. “Then please enlighten me, why did you lie to me again? And why did you pretend to go through with it this time.”
Magnus dropped his gaze at the words.
The other three stepped forward and put a hand around Magnus in a protective gesture.
Protecting Magnus from what?
“I don’t—I don’t know how to explain it but I only did it so that I wouldn’t hurt your feelings.”
Alec let out a dry chuckle at that. “You did all of this to protect my feelings? You sure have a funny way of showing it.”
“Alec, please.”
“You’re not this cruel, Magnus.” Alec said, his voice low.
He didn’t know what really did it, but something snapped inside of Magnus.
“It’s just a fucking birthday. Why can’t you all leave it alone?”
Alec blinked at the tone.
Magnus never talked to him like that.
Hell, Magnus never talked to anyone like that.
But Alec wasn’t the one to back down from a fight. Especially when he was hurt.
“I’m not the one who had been lying about it for the past year.”
Magnus’s eyes were wet now, and Alec felt his anger melting just that little bit.
“Why does it matter to you? What the fuck does it matter when it is?” Magnus asked angrily.
“Magnus–” Alec tried to stop him because he could himself feel reaching his limits.
“No, please tell me, Alexander. Why does it fucking matter if I’m lying about it or not? Why are you so obsessed with doing all of this for me?” Magnus yelled.
Why does it matter?
Alec didn’t think anymore.
He was tired.
“Because I fucking love you.” Alec yelled back. “I am in love with you and I wanted you to have the best day. I wanted to celebrate the day that you were born because it’s quite possibly the best thing that ever happened to me.”
Everything fell silent after that.
He couldn’t hear or see anyone.
He could only hear the rapid beating of his heart and the way his hands felt like they were shaking.
Someone gasped then, bringing him back to the present. He braced himself and took a peek at Magnus.
He had his eyes wide, and mouth hung open.
“You—you love me?”
Alec needed to leave. He couldn’t be here. His eyes darted around, and he could see that his siblings, Clary and Simon, had also joined them.
Everybody had concern written all over their faces.
Were they worried, too, that Alec had fucked up?
“I—“ he tried, but nothing would come out, so he ran.
Alec took a cab and went back to their apartment.
Their apartment.
His and Magnus’s.
Magnus was going to come back here.
Magnus would want to continue living in his loft, but he wouldn’t want to continue living with Alec anymore.
Alec really ruined their friendship, didn’t he?
God. He was such an idiot.
He opened his cupboard and took out a suitcase. Alec haphazardly started to empty his entire cupboard into the bag.
He threw whatever he could find and put it inside the bag when he heard the door open.
Magnus walked inside his room and stopped when he saw the suitcases.
“What are you doing?”
He avoided Magnus’s gaze. “Leaving.”
“Why?”
“I can’t be here anymore. It’s too hard.” He said through a suffocated whisper.
He thought that he could be fine living with Magnus, but he was wrong.
It was getting harder day by day.
It was great that whatever happened today because at least it gave him the intent to leave.
“Alec, will you please listen to me?” Magnus pleaded, and Alec hated how he sounded.
Alec chained the suitcase and put it on the floor. He took out the handle and left the room to leave.
“Alexander, stop—“
He was almost at the door when he stopped and turned back, his eyes wet. “I’m sorry for what I said there okay? I know I fucked up and ruined our friendship. I don’t want it to be awkward so I’m going to stay at Jace’s for a few days.” Alec swallowed.
He turned back and opened the door when Magnus spoke.
“8th December.”
“What?”
Magnus inhaled heavily. “My birthday. It’s December 8th.”
Alec let out a dry chuckle. “Magnus just stop. I—“
“I killed someone that day. On my birthday.”
Um.
What?
“Magnus, what are you talking about?”
The other man sat on the couch and put his face in his hands. A tear slipped from Magnus’s eyes, and Alec’s heart broke.
He stepped forward and kneeled in front of Magnus.
Alec gently removed Magnus’s hands from his face and wiped the few tears that had rolled down.
“Hey.” He said softly.
“You’re—you’re going to hate me.” Magnus choked.
Alec took his hands in his and kissed them gently. “Try me.”
“After my mom killed herself…I was living with my stepdad. He—he didn’t like me very much. A year after my mom died, it was my birthday and I was playing with a few friends. When I came back, I don’t know why but he was just so mad at me. He was drunk, took me to the terrace and tried to throw me down. I don’t know—I don’t know how I managed to do it, but I tripped him, and he fell down. And died. I killed him.” Tears were streaming down his face now, and Alec didn’t stop them this time.
Sometimes people needed a good cry.
Alec pushed himself up and sat on the couch next to Magnus.
“I killed someone.”
His chest ached at the despair in Magnus’s voice. He couldn’t imagine the pain he must have gone through as a child. And still does.
He didn’t know how Magnus woke up every single day.
“You were only trying to protect yourself.” Alec says firmly. “You did nothing wrong.”
Magnus opened his eyes, and they were filled with surprise and shock as if he didn’t think Alec would say something like that.
He launched himself against Alec’s chest and buried himself there. Alec ran his fingers through Magnus’s hair and kissed his temple.
“It’s okay. It’s okay. I’m here.” Alec spoke as Magnus broke down in tears.
He didn’t know how long they stayed like this before Magnus pulled back.
“Is that why you left for that trip?”
Magnus nodded. “I’m not a very good company this time of the year. Especially on the 8th. I never wanted you or anyone else to be around that energy. I never wanted you all to see that side of me.”
Alec cupped his cheeks softly and kissed his forehead. “You never have to hide anything from me. I like all of you.”
“I didn’t mean to lie about the date for this long. I'm sorry.” Magnus apologised again.
He remembered how they had gotten here. The party.
Alec couldn’t give a single flying fuck about any of that right now. All he cared about was Magnus.
“I know that now. But can I ask you something?”
Magnus nodded.
“Why are you telling me all of this now?”
Magnus gave him a weak smile. “Because if you’re going to leave me, you should do it because I’m a murderer. Not because you think I don’t love you back.”
Two things.
Magnus was never allowed to call himself a murderer.
Magnus thinks that Alec thinks that Magnus doesn’t love him back.
The first one was clearly very important.
But his brain wouldn’t stop going over the second one.
Magnus thought that Alec thought that Magnus didn’t love him back.
That seemed like a stupid sentence.
He tried to break it down.
Alec thought that Magnus didn’t love him back.
But it wasn’t just a thought, right? It was a fact. Magnus did not love him back.
Right?
Unless.
Magnus did love him too.
Is that what Magnus meant?
What the actual fuck was going on.
He caught Magnus’s gaze and stared into his gorgeous eyes.
“Two things.” He spoke. “You are not allowed to call yourself a murderer. You were only a child. Is that clear?” He added sternly.
Magnus’s face softened a bit and he nodded. “Yes sir.”
“Good.”
Ask the second thing. Ask the second thing. Ask the second thing.
“What’s the second thing?” Magnus himself asked.
Alec took a deep breath at that. “When you say that I think you don’t love me back, it’s implied that you do love me. Just wanted a bit of clarity on that.”
Magnus chuckles wetly at the words. “You’re right.“
“Hmmm. Can you say it a bit more clearly?”
Maybe Magnus was talking about something else?
Magnus held his face gently and Alec leaned into the touch. “I love you, Alexander. I’ve been in love with you since the day you had that law test and you forced me to quiz you for 48 hours and I hated absolutely every minute of it but I still did it. I love you more and more every day and I don’t know how to stop. And even if I knew, I wouldn’t want to stop.” Magnus breathed.
A tear slipped Alec’s eyes too.
Magnus loved him.
“You love me.”
It wasn’t a question anymore.
It was a fact.
Magnus laughed softly. “I do. And apparently you love me too.”
Alec shook his head. “Impossibly much.”
Magnus leaned closer and brought their foreheads together. “So just to clear it up, we both are in love with each other?”
He chuckled softly. “Yeah.”
“So, what’s next?”
A smile crept up on his face. “Now, I’m going to kiss the living fuck out of you.”
“Sir, Yes. Sir.” Magnus said cheekily.
Alec didn’t waste another second and pressed his lips against Magnus. The first touch of their lips together burned Alec’s entire body, and all it craved was more and more. He crashed their mouths together while Magnus wounds his fingers in Alec’s hair.
“Hey, Alec.” Magnus said when they pulled apart after what could have possibly been hours. Or minutes. Alec did not really know.
“Hmm.” He tried to regain his breathing, but it was impossibly hard.
“Would you like to share custody of my blanket?”
_____________________________
10 Years Later
“What are you three planning?” The second the words were out of Alec’s mouth, all the whispering in the room stopped.
The three of them turned around with sheepish smiles on all their faces. “Nothing.”
Alec tried not to smile at their expressions, but it was quite impossible.
His kids were impossibly cute.
“Really, now?”
“We were planning something for Bapak’s birthday.” Rafael pointed out.
“Come here.” He sat on the bed and called them towards him.
Rafael and Arianna stood in front of him while Max jumped into his arms.
“You know we don’t do anything for Bapak’s birthday.”
“Why?” Arianna stomped her feet.
Alec sighed.
Before they had Arianna, Alec thought that Max was the most difficult child one could have.
He had been proved wrong a week into getting Arianna.
If Max was difficult, Arianna was another force of nature.
She was a sweetheart. But also the most stubborn person on the planet. Alec feared her teen years.
He feared all their teen years.
“Because Bapak doesn’t like celebrating his birthday.” He said honestly.
“Why daddy?” Max asked and snuggled against his chest.
“It’s not a happy day for Bapak. But you’re going to have to wait for Bapak to tell you the whole story.” He explained.
“Is Bapak going to be okay? He has been a little sad.” Rafael pointed out.
The boy was ten. But he had seen too much already. He knew too much.
Alec hated that.
He’d rather have an annoying kid than one with childhood trauma.
But he didn’t get to choose that. People didn't get to choose the pain in other people’s lives. You only get to choose how you help them through it.
All you could do is love them sometimes.
“He is. But the three of you have a little job now.”
His kids jumped at that. “What job daddy?”
“You know, I’m going away for three days for a business trip, right?”
They all pouted at that.
But especially Arianna.
She was only five and didn’t know why people had to work.
Alec was 32, and if he was being honest, he didn’t know why people had to work too.
“No, go.”
He bent down and kissed her between her curls. “I have to go, Ari. But I will be back very soon.”
Rafael snuggled closer to him at the mention of leaving. He had always had separation anxiety.
Max seemed fine. He was the crazy middle child. He had very Jace vibes, and that scared Alec.
“What do we have to do?”
“It’s a secret mission. Bapak’s a little sick. You just have to take care of him and give him a lot of cuddles but he can’t find out that I have sent you on this mission.” He said conspiringly.
“A secret mission!!!” Max squeaked.
Alec chuckled at their enthusiasm and nodded.
“But, Aunt Izzy or Cat or Uncle Jace will be here with food and everything so I don’t want any of you near the kitchen okay?” He said sternly this time.
They had an incident a few months back when the kids had been trying to surprise them, and Rafael had accidentally burned his hand.
He still remembered the absolute dread he had felt when they had taken the boy to the hospital. Luckily, it had only been a superficial first-degree burn, and his son had recovered quickly.
He didn’t want a repeat of that and especially when he wasn’t in the city.
“Is that clear?” He repeated.
All of them nodded, knowing Alec was being serious this time. “Yes.”
“Okay. Let’s go bother Bapak now.” He grinned.
“Bapak’s at work.” Ari pouted.
“Let’s go bother him at work then.”
Alec picked up the car keys from the basket near the door and left with the kids.
He hated driving in Brooklyn, but some sacrifices have to be made to check on one’s husband.
It took them twenty-five minutes to reach Magnus’s office, and it was as fun of a ride as it was infuriating since the three of them kept on shouting and yelling and pointing out things outside the car.
They got into the elevator, and Ari raised her hands up to be picked up. Alec effortlessly bent down and took her in his arms.
“Keep an eye on him.” He told Rafael, pointing at Max.
They stepped inside the office of Alliance Designs and were met with the same energy that he always would.
Magnus had become one of the biggest fashion designers, with Alliance design at the top of the fashion world.
Alec was incredibly proud of him.
He said hi to Magnus’s PA, Jenna, who gave them a beaming smile. “The whole party is here I see.”
“Hello, Jenna,” Rafael said in a grown-up voice, hiding his blush.
Alec tried to hide his smile at his son’s obvious crush.
“Hi, little man.” She replied.
Max went around and hugged her because he was Max.
She stood up and smiled at Ari. “And who did your braids so beautifully.”
“Daddy.” Ari beamed.
“Is Magnus inside?”
“He is, but he’s been looking a little off.”
Alec hummed. “I have the cure.” He pointed at the kids.
“He is in a meeting with Abigail, right now. But he should be free any time now. I’ll just check in.”
She rang Magnus. “Boss, there’s a surprise for you.”
Magnus’s sigh could be heard easily. “I’m not up for any surprises, Jenna.”
“I think you’re going to like this one, Magnus.”
“Fine. Send it in. My meeting is over anyways.”
Jenna gave him a thumbs up, and Alec called the kids, who had all wandered off into the office.
Alec pushed the door open and stepped inside with the kids.
“We’ll go over the plan again with the team at 4. Thanks Abigail.”
Abigail smiled at him. “Sure.”
“Bapak!!!!!!” The three of them yelled, making the man turn.
An instant bright smile appeared on his face.
He knelt down, and all of them jumped in his arms. Magnus hugged them tightly, a moment longer than he usually would have.
Alec was right in taking them to the office.
“Hey, my babies.”
“Missed you, Bapak.”
Magnus chuckled softly. “Sorry I came late yesterday and didn’t get to see you.”
Max kissed Magnus’s forehead softly. He had picked on this habit from Alec since he was a toddler. “It’s okay.”
The two of them chuckled fondly at that. “I see daddy did your hair today.” Magnus remarked, touching Ari’s hair.
“He did.”
“How much should we score him?” He grinned.
“6?” Ari said seriously. “He can do better.”
Magnus let out a chuckle. “Sure can.”
“You have the whole army to uplift his mood today.” Abigail pointed out.
Alec looked at her and grinned. “It’s working.”
“It is.” She replied and stared at Magnus for a little too long.
Alec knew she had a thing for Magnus.
It was impossible not to have a thing for Magnus.
Alec was fine with other people having a thing for Magnus. As long as they don’t act on that desire.
Because Magnus was his.
He didn’t care if it sounded possessive or not. It was the truth.
“I should leave now.” Abigail stated and made her way to leave.
Magnus’s office was huge, and ever since they had gotten Max, he renovated it to make a play area in one corner of it.
The three of them were instantly lured to that area.
Magnus pushed himself up and met Alec’s eyes.
“Hi.”
Alec crossed the distance between them and pulled Magnus closer by the waist. “Hi, baby.”
“Thank you.”
“What for?”
Magnus rolled his eyes at him affectionately. “You know why.”
“I plead the fifth.”
“Shut up.”
Alec stroked his cheeks gently and planted a kiss on his lips. “I didn’t do it for you. I did it for myself. They are insufferable when they don’t see you.”
Magnus chuckled at that and buried his head in Alec’s shoulder. “I love you.”
“I love you more.”
“Stop kissing. I’m hungry.” Max groaned.
Alec grumbled. “Tell me again, whose decision was it to have three kids?”
“Neither of us. Kids would just fall into our laps all the time.” Magnus pointed out.
“Fair enough.”
The two of them walked towards the couch, and Magnus ordered lunch for them.
That night, Alec was packing his bags when he noticed the lost expression on Magnus’s face.
“I don’t have to go, you know? I can skip the conference.”
Magnus instantly stood up at that. “No. You’re going.” He started taking Alec’s clothes and neatly folding them into the suitcase.
They’ve had this argument countless times in the past few weeks since Alec found out that he has an important conference on 8th December.
“I don’t want to leave you and the kids alone right now.”
“Why?” Magnus asked sharply. “You think I can’t fucking take care of our kids without you for two days?”
Alec sighed. “Baby. You know that’s not what I meant.”
Magnus’s face turned apologetic, and he exhaled heavily. “I know. I know you didn’t. I’m sorry, darling.”
Alec had spent the past ten years with Magnus but seeing him like this never got easy.
It’s different every year.
Some years he was fine on this day.
Others were bad.
Some were straight-up horrible.
He wasn’t sure which one this was going to be.
“I’m going to be okay. We’re going to be just fine but you need to go to this conference. It’s an important one.” Magnus pointed out, and he was right.
Alec needed to attend this conference.
But it didn’t make this decision easy.
“Okay.” It was all he said and wrapped Magnus in his arms, kissing his temple.
The next morning, Alec was ready to leave for Washington.
He kissed all the kids on the heads.
“You three, take care of each other okay?”
Rafael, Max and Ari nodded at him.
All of them were looking so sad that Alec almost didn’t want to go.
“I’m going to miss you bugs. But I will be back soon.” He said softly and ruffled Rafael’s hair.
“Miss you, daddy.”
He stood up and kissed Magnus. “I’ll miss you baby. Please take care of yourself and call me if anything happens.”
Magnus cupped his cheeks and kissed his forehead. “Have a great trip, love.”
Alec left for the airport, then. The next few hours were busy and tiring. He texted Magnus, and the man sent him hourly updates of what the kids were up to.
Everything seemed fine.
Until it wasn’t.
Halfway through the day, the replies became less frequent and more one-worded, which was weird since Magnus was in the habit of sending the longest, more eccentric texts.
It was usually him who sent one-word replies.
Cat had gone to check up on them, so Alec got the updates from her, who told him that everything was fine.
Alec let out a breath of air.
Around 4 am, his phone started ringing, pulling him out of his sleep.
“Magnus?” He saw the caller ID.
“Daddy.” Ari’s panicked voice came across. “Bapak’s dying.”
His heartbeat quickened, and he rushed up to change his clothes. “What’s wrong, baby?”
“I don’t know.” She hiccuped.
Alec took a deep breath and tried to calm his breath.
“Ari, give me the phone.” He heard Rafael shout.
“Rafael?”
“Dad.”
“Rafe, what’s going on?”
Rafael muttered a curse in Spanish.
“Dad, everything’s fine.”
“What was Ari talking about then?”
Rafael sighed. “Okay. Everything's not fine but Bapak is not dying either.”
It felt wrong to put all of this on his son, but it was the middle of the night, and he needed to know what was happening.
“Mijo, please tell me what’s wrong?” He pleaded.
“Bapak’s crying. I think it freaked Ari and Max out.”
Alec’s heart fell.
“Where’s Max?”
“He wouldn’t leave Bapak’s side. In your room.”
Alec inhaled heavily. “Rafe, can you please take the phone to Bapak?”
“Yes, wait.”
He heard footsteps and then some shuffling.
“Who is on the phone?” Magnus’s voice came through.
It sounded weak.
“Dad.”
“Rafe, can you please take Max and Ari out of the room for five minutes? I promise it won’t take long.”
“Okay.”
There was a pause before Rafael spoke again.
“Dad?”
“Hmmm.”
“I’m scared.”
Alec closed his eyes.
“I know, my baby. I’m going to be home soon okay? I’ll send Aunt Cat till then.”
“Okay.”
The next voice was his husband’s.
“Alexander?”
“Magnus.”
“Baby, are you okay?”
Magnus hesitated for a minute.
“No.”
“I’m going to send Cat okay?”
Magnus hummed. “Alec.”
“Hmm.”
“Can you come back home, please?”
He knew it took everything from Magnus to say that. To not pretend like he was okay.
He knew it had to be bad-bad.
Alec urgently put all his stuff in his suitcase and packed it up.
“I’m already on my way. I’ll be home soon.” He promised.
“You were right.”
“About what?”
“I couldn’t take care of the kids alone. I really freaked them out.” Magnus struggled. “I am a terrible parent.”
“Baby. No. It’s not your fault. It’s just a bad day.”
“No I—“
“I’m like this too when it’s dad and Max’s anniversary. Just because we are parents doesn’t mean we stop being human.”
“It’s been—it’s been more than twenty fucking years. Why can’t I get over it.” Magnus sobbed.
Alec wanted to take Magnus in his arms and protect him from everything that had ever hurt him.
He wanted to be home so badly.
“It’ll be okay.”
“I miss you. Why did you have to leave at this time?”
It wasn’t an accusation. “You fought with me countless times to go to this conference.”
“Well, I’m an idiot, why would you listen to me?” Magnus said through a wet chuckle.
“I promise to never listen to you again.” Alec said playfully.
“Good.”
“I’ll see you in a few hours. I’ll ask Izzy or Jace to take the kids with them. Cat can stay with you.”
“Can I—Can I keep them here? I want them to be here with me.” Magnus requested.
“They are your kids too, baby. You don’t have to ask me for permission. I just thought you’d like to be alone.” Alec explained.
“I do. I want to be alone for the next ten years.” Magnus said honestly. “But I also want my babies to be next to me.”
He knew it was hard for Magnus.
That it would be so easy for him to let himself get lost in despair.
“Okay. Call them inside. I’ll be back in a few hours with you.”
“Okay. Miss you.”
“Miss you more.”
Alec couldn’t get a flight for the next three hours. The next flight to New York was at 8 am. He reached home around 11.
He only exchanged a few texts with Magnus and Cat in between. Alec was anxious throughout the flight.
His heart was thrumming inside his chest with worry.
Alec stepped inside, but the loft seemed too silent, and his worry increased.
He searched all their rooms but couldn’t find any of them there.
He moved around the loft and heard some hushed whispers from the balcony.
He stepped forward and found a huge blanket fort covering the entirety of the balcony. It was covered with beautiful fairy lights.
Alec raised an eyebrow and found the entry to the fort. He peeked inside and his eyes laid on the three small figures huddled across Magnus.
A huge smile appeared on his face.
He coughed lightly, and everyone turned to look at him.
“Hi.”
“Daddy!!!” “Dad.”
The three of them ran towards him and hugged him tightly. “Hey, you little monsters. What’s going on here?”
“We made a blanket fort for Bapak.” Max clapped delightedly.
“Am I allowed inside your magic castle?” Alec requested seriously.
“What’s the password?” Ari asked.
“Bapak is the best?”
Ari thought for a minute before letting him in. “You are allowed.”
Alec crawled inside and found Magnus with a soft smile on his face.
It was not the smile that alarmed him, though. It was the birthday cap on his head.
“What’s going on?”
“Did you know it’s my birthday today, Alexander.”
Alec frowned. “Yeah.”
“You almost missed my birthday party.” Magnus said mischievously.
“I’m honestly, so confused right now.” Alec took Magnus’s hand in his. “Are you okay, baby?”
Magnus nodded. “These three convinced me to celebrate my birthday.”
“They did?” Alec looked at the kids, and all three of them nodded like robots. “And you’re okay with that?”
“I don’t know. Let’s see. I think I have run enough from this day.”
He turned towards the kids and gave them a stern look. “Did any of you enter the kitchen again?”
Rafael shook his head vehemently. “No. We asked Uncle Jace.”
“Good.”
“Can we cut the cake now, daddy?” Max asked.
He asked Magnus and his husband nodded.
Ari picked up the tray of pastries in her very small hands, and Alec smiled at her.
It wasn’t a cake. It was a few pastries put together. They looked bad.
Maybe it was easier for Magnus this way. Maybe Magnus didn’t need a perfect birthday.
“Don’t get hurt, sweetheart.” Magnus reminded Ari when she swayed a little.
Alec lit up a candle on one of the pastries and put the tray in front of Magnus.
“I tried for ten years and these three convinced you in one night?” Alec said petulantly, bringing a chuckle out of Magnus.
“They are way cuter than you.”
“Sounds fake but okay.” He grinned before meeting Magnus’s eyes.
Magnus’s eyes trailed across the room, and he sent flying kisses to Rafe, Max and Arianna. Alec noticed then, that the three of them were wrapped in the same blanket with cats printed all over it.
“Where did you find this thing?”
“These monsters did.” Magnus replied.
“Are you really sure about this?” He asked again.
His husband’s eyes met his and he smiled.
Beautifully.
The one that reached his eyes.
And Alec’s heart.
“I am.”