Work Text:
“You fell asleep on his lap? When did you start dating?”
“We’re not.” You eye Charlie with no amusement as you pour yourself a cup of coffee.
“So? What was that about? What did he say?”
“Nothing! It’s a friends’ thing, okay? We were watching a movie and I just wanted to lie down. There was a pillow on his lap if you’re wondering.”
“So, he was cool with it?”
“Of course he was, it meant nothing.”
“Y/N, you’re going to have to tell him eventually. Your crush only grows bigger and once you can’t hide your feelings anymore, it’s not gonna be pretty.”
“Being rejected ain’t pretty either, you know.”
“But he won’t!” You stare at Charlie with an almost unamused expression and take a deep breath.
“Charlie, it’s fine. I’ve come to terms that this is just a crush and that Dean will never want to be in a relationship. If he’s ever ready, it’ll probably be too late and he’ll be in love with some hot chick he met doing shots.”
“But you are a hot chick, and you do shots together all the time.”
“Charlie, drop it. It’s not happening.” You shake your head.
Spending a whole Sunday and a Monday night together seemed like a lot already…not for you, obviously. Dean and you hang out all the time…never on consecutive days. He’s usually spending weekdays at bars, picking up girls when he knows he doesn’t have to open his store early. And you’re usually too tired or busy to go out anyways. Once you realized you had this stupid crush, you’ve decided to stay away from him unless he’s against that; if he tells you to hang out, you do. If he doesn’t want to hang out, good. Pushing him into spending time with you just under the lame excuse that you’re entitled to “be with him because you’re best friends” would be pathetic. Dean’s a closed book, he’s fun to hang out with, he’s cute, and he’s surely great at picking up girls. The rest is a mystery to you.
/
Dean could think of nothing but last night today at work. He attended some customers and was polite enough, but the spark he always feels when he’s making a sale was definitely gone. It’s not that he was sad about what happened per se, it just upset him how easy it is to be around you but how hard it is to tell you how he feels. He knows he’s never felt this way, he knows he’s found something with you that he will never find again. But that’s just it. What if he loses it all? What if he messes it all up and ends up heartbroken? He couldn’t bear the idea of not seeing you, of not being able to just knock on your door when he’s upset and needs a friend to talk to. He can’t stand the idea of you dating someone else and rub it in his nose because he was too much of a coward to take a leap and let you catch him.
“If you’re hearing this, it means I trust you. Leave a message.” Dean rolls his eyes as he hears Sam’s voicemail and lets out a breath in exasperation.
“Sam, when are you going to actually pick up? Just because we don’t see each other, it doesn’t mean we can’t talk.” He sighs and sits on his bed.
“I guess this is stupid but,” He clears his throat. “I don’t know what to do about Y/N anymore. I don’t want to lose her…but I love her too much, Sam…call me.”
Dean figured monopolizing you for two days in a row was too much, and he surely didn’t feel like going out and picking up some girl he has absolutely no interest for. It gets boring; he admitted some time ago that going out and flirting with girls was fun but it wasn’t the kind of fun he wanted to have anymore. He found something new the minute you ran into each other at the hall two years ago, and though it took him some time to realize how his heart leaped up his throat when you dressed up for your nights out, he no longer tries to fight how his heart is at ease with you. He doesn’t try to erase the smile he goes to sleep with whenever you spend time together, he’s not scared of spamming you with selfies and texts when he’s having a slow day at the store.
He lets his body fall on the bed, and he thinks of how he messed up your relationship when he made it clear to you that he wasn’t a relationship kind of guy and that you two were strictly friends. He closed the door for any chance at having you…forever. He can’t blame you for keeping your distance and for sticking to the strictly friends unspoken rule. He surrenders to nostalgia and searches his phone for all the pictures you’ve taken these years, and he smiles when he finds the one you took at Central Park the first time you went out. Well, as friends obviously. You were walking with a coffee in hand and as you sat down, a woman in her 60s, probably, approached you.
“Excuse me, I apologize for the intrusion,” You smiled at her politeness and eyed Dean to find he was doing the same. “You two just look so happy together. May I take a picture?” Dean never told you how he noticed your cheeks turning ten shades of red, and you never told him how you noticed his eyes darting everywhere to avoid looking at you. You both chuckled and hopelessly mumbled that you weren’t actually together.
“Oh…I’m sorry. Would you still let me take a picture? It’s such a beautiful day…”
“Sure.” Dean answered in half a second. You agreed too and Dean gave the woman his phone as you two slid closer on the bench. He propped his elbow on the backrest and you lay your head on his shoulder. The woman’s face lit up in a huge grin as she carefully took the picture (two, actually). The first one was the still pose where you two smiled, and the second was where Dean told you a joke (which you’ve already forgotten about) and you laughed as you looked at him and he put his arm around you without realizing he did.
The woman walked towards you and gave Dean his phone back. “Take care of each other, you two.” She said.
“We will.” Dean replied with a gentle smile.
Dean stares at the second picture, his favorite. He wonders if there were feelings involved in that beautiful, honest smile you gave him. He wonders what he was thinking when he let his arm fall around you, as if he had wanted to do that for so long.
/
It’s finally Friday but you haven’t made any plans for tonight or the weekend besides Sunday breakfast with Dean. Charlie says she has to go out of town for a wedding, and she’s basically your only friend…again…besides Dean.
“I can’t believe that on the one weekend that I’m in the mood of going out, you’re not gonna be here.” You tell Charlie as you pack up your stuff and prepare to leave the office.
“Maybe that’ll teach you to miss me when I’m gone.” She teases you, and you chuckle. “What about Dean? Haven’t you talked since your incident of Monday night?”
“It was not an incident and, yes, we’ve talked but not about tonight. He probably has plans already.”
“Dean’s ‘plans’ are just sitting at a bar and drink until he finds a chick to flirt with. It’s not like he can’t change his mind.” She rolls her eyes. “Plus, for you, he’d change it in a heartbeat.”
“Shut up.” You groan in frustration.
“I’m just saying, you should call him and see what’s up. Bet you’ll end up watching a movie again and maybe this time you’ll actually make out instead of making eyes at each other and falling asleep on his chest.”
“We do not make eyes and what if I’ve fallen asleep on him? It doesn’t have to mean anything.”
“It doesn’t have to…but with you two…”
“Fine, I’ll call.”
/
You hate it when Charlie is right, but the second you asked Dean if he had plans, he said he’d go out and grab some snacks for movie night. You smiled at how quickly he agreed, and your heart clenched at the thought of always having him around when you need him.
As you’re walking down the hall to your apartment, he calls your name and you turn to find him holding tons of junk food, a pizza, and some beers.
“How many nights in a row are we gonna watch movies?” You ask him, and he gives you a goofy smile.
“I’m prepared, I’ve seen you eat and drink.”
“Fair enough.” He opens the door to his apartment and gestures for you to walk in.
“I’ll just change into comfier clothes, can’t watch two whole movies in this outfit.” You look down at your clothes and when you glance at him, you notice he’s doing the same.
“Right.” He says after a moment. “Door’s open when you’re ready.” You nod and go into your apartment to put on some sweat pants, a t-shirt and your warmest socks. Wiping off your make up, you wonder if Dean has ever seen you without make up, at least a touch of it. You second guess if you’re comfortable with it and finally settle on not giving a damn about it, it’s Dean after all…right? You grab a couple of beers from your fridge in case Dean monopolizes the ones he just bought and go across the hall to his place. You knock before entering, though the door was open, and make your way to his kitchen where he’s taking out everything he bought for tonight.
As you enter the kitchen, he glances up and stares at you for a moment with a trace of a smile and widened eyes that you swear light up the room.
“What is it?” You chuckle and step towards him. He clears his throat and glances down at his feet,
“Nothing,” He glances up at you again to give you a small smile. “Never seen you without…”
“Make-up?” You frown. He nods and hopes you don’t notice how he swallows to gain composure, and you smile widely at him.
“Well, it’s been a long day and…I’m comfortable around you.” You shrug and bite your lip.
“Good.” He almost murmurs and clears his throat again, frowning as if that’s going to help erase the smile that refuses to leave his face.
“I’ve brought some beers in case we run out.” You say as you hold them up and place them on the counter.
“You know me so well.” He shakes his head in disbelief. “So, living room or bedroom?” He asks as he pours some chips on a big bowl.
“Honestly?” He narrows his eyes at you, knowing what you’re going to say. “Don’t look at me like that!” You chuckle. “You know I’ve always preferred watching movies on a bed, and your pillows are extremely fancy.”
“My pillows are not fancy.”
“Yes, they are. I don’t know what you’re ashamed of, girls gotta love them when they come over.” You cross your arms defiantly and he chuckles at your comeback.
“Fair point.”
“Which pops my question: did you change your bedsheets from last night?” You quirk up your eyebrow and his expression quickly falls into his unamused death stare. “You can’t blame me for asking! I know you change them every time a visitor comes, I just gotta make sure.” You shrug.
“One, I haven’t had a visitor in more than a week. Two, of course I change them every time, I’m not a psychopath.”
“A week, huh?” You bite your lip in amusement.
“What?” He frowns almost offended.
“Nothing.” You hold up your hands innocently, but can’t help the chuckle that escapes your lips.
“What’s wrong with not having girls over?”
“There’s nothing wrong! I’m surprised, that’s all.” You shrug. He bites his lip in exasperation and you hit his arm gently. “Don’t get all softie on me, I didn’t mean anything by it, I swear.”
“Good.” He nods.
Compromise has helped your relationship survive through the years; the plan tonight was two movies, so each of you picked one, even if it risked the other falling asleep.
You were serious about his fancy, marshmallow pillows, but deep down you know nothing beats the warmth of being surrounded by his arm and resting your head on his chest. After your movie, you used the excuse, which would’ve been pathetic if he wasn’t so oblivious to your feelings, of wanting to rest your stiff neck. Without a second thought, he stretched out his arm for you to curl up beside him, resting your head where his slow heartbeat hits your eardrum. The soft breath that escaped Dean’s lips would’ve been enough of an indication of his comfort if the thought of him loving you was more than the dreams you’ve had of you and him going to the movies and holding hands as you walk out with a fulfilled heart.
You make yourself comfortable as he lets his arm fall around you, and his stomach twists as he instinctively caresses your arm. You smile, biting your lip to hold the girlish squeal that threatens to escape your throat, and you simply place your hand almost shakily on his chest.
Luckily, this time, you fell asleep during the movie you picked. No scowl from Dean to wait for. Dean looks down at you and the view of your eyes gently shut and your steady breath brings a smile to his face. At the risk of waking you up, he cautiously lifts his arm. You don’t even flinch.
He gently gets out of bed, making sure your head rests nicely on his pillows. Your body slightly reacts to his absence, though you can’t get your brains to wake up.
Dean was kind enough to never remind you of the childlike way you mumbled, “Don’t go.” in your sleep. He smiled widely, knowing you couldn’t see him, and he leaned over to kiss your hair.
“It’s okay, sweetheart, I’m getting you a blanket.” He whispered. To this day, you swear it was all a dream. You’ve never brought it up. Dean taking care of you like that doesn’t sound so unfamiliar, but the gentleness in his touch and his voice surely seemed like something new that you wanted to feel in reality and not during a dream. Dean hated that he didn’t have the courage to tell you more that night, that he barely refrained from kissing your cheek and tell you how beautiful you looked wrapped up in his arms.
The trace of early autumn cold didn’t hit you as hard as every other morning today. The blanket covered you from your neck to your toes, and you curl up as you slowly open your eyes. With a deep breath, you catch a trace of a familiar cologne in your pillow, and you frown as you glance around to find whose apartment you are in. Crap, I fell asleep on his bed? With a deep sigh you run a hand over your face, groaning in frustration and staring at the ceiling for a moment. You look to your side to find a glass of water and a note on the bedside table.
Went out to buy ourselves some breakfast, there’s a new toothbrush and mouthwash in the bathroom. Don’t drink coffee without me, your phone was dead so I plugged it in the kitchen.
Reluctantly, you sit up on the bed and drink some water before stretching a bit. You read the note again, with his voice in your head, and smile. You look around and find a hoodie on the bed. Did he leave it for me? You wonder, but quickly erase the thought with an eye roll. You put it on anyways, the morning’s cold and you’re not about to walk around with the blanket on your back. You’re grateful he left something for you to wash up before he gets here; morning breath is not something you want Dean to know about you just yet.
As you walk out of the bathroom, you hear him opening the door and walking in, so you head to the kitchen to prepare some coffee.
“Were you about to drink coffee without me?” He says, making you turn to see him.
“I heard you come in five seconds ago, I read your note, I’m not that much of a jerk.” You cross your arms in front of you.
“Good.” He sets the groceries on the island and you resume preparing coffee.
“How much food did you need to buy anyways?” You ask as you help him, noticing he brought frozen waffles, honey, maple syrup, whipped cream and basically ever other breakfast food a human could think of.
“Well, I never have breakfast food here and I wanted waffles but I also craved some eggs and bacon. Besides, you’re here, so I needed provisions.” He says and then he fixes his gaze on you. He’ll never tell you how his heart felt warmer at the image of you in his clothes, or how he knew right then that you were the only girl he’d ever want to see them on. “Is that my hoodie?” He frowns, pointing at you.
You widen your eyes and look down at the hoodie, “Uh, yeah…” You murmur. “Should I not have taken it?” You ask, frowning.
“Oh, no, that’s fine, sweetheart. I just hadn’t noticed you were wearing it.” Your heart jolts in your chest at the pet name, but you simply smile at him to avoid saying something stupid and ruin the moment.
“You know I have waffles and everything in my place, right?” You ask as you put some stuff in the fridge.
“Well, yeah, but I didn’t want to go in without your permission.” You stare at him with a smirk and he glances up at you, questioningly. “What?” He quirks up an eyebrow.
“You could have. My keys were on the bedside table, Dean.”
“I know…I just…didn’t want to invade your space like that.”
“Like I invaded your bed last night?” You quirk up an eyebrow. “Sorry about that, by the way…about…sleeping here. I know how much you love your memory foam mattress and your fancy hotel pillows.” He walks around the island to stand in front of you.
“You can stay here whenever you need to and whenever you want to, alright?” He says, resting his hand on your shoulder. Your smile makes its way back on your face as you find that glow in his green eyes that’s there every time he fixes his gaze on yours.
“Understood.” You nod and press your lips to avoid saying anything else. “Coffee?” You add as the smell of the freshly made badge fills the room.
He hums in agreement as he smirks at you.
“Hey, Dean?” You say as he puts some waffles in the toaster. He turns to see you as you sit on the stool and taste the first glorious sip of coffee. “Don’t you open the store on Saturdays, too?” He raises his eyebrows and directs his gaze to the coffee maker as he pours himself some coffee.
“Yeah…I mean, I do but…I didn’t have deliveries today so I figured I could afford opening up later.” He shrugs as he sits beside you, avoiding looking at your eyes. You don’t even try to hide the smile his nervousness brought to your face, and he glances at you with a puzzled look. “Why are you smiling like that?”
“Nothing, the coffee’s really good, that’s all.” You hide your face in your mug as he clears his throat and finds his own coffee more interesting than anything else in the room.
After breakfast Dean said he was sorry he had to work, but he’d be free on Sunday if you wanted to hang out.
“Of course, I’d love to.” You say, jumping down from the stool and picking up your dishes. You help him set the dishwasher and you rest your body on the counter as he stands in front of you, looking at you, and tracing your features with his gaze.
“Dean…I’m really sorry if I made you uncomfortable staying here.”
“Y/N…” He rests his hand on the counter, his figure slightly leaning towards you.
“But thank you for…everything, you’re a great host, you know that?” You offer him a smile as he fights the urge of tracing your cheekbone with his thumb by burying his other hand in his pocket.
“You could never make me uncomfortable.” He shakes his head gently. “And keep the hoodie. It’s cold today.” And in that instant, he shakes your world and pulls the rug from underneath your feet as he winks at you. You could swear the twinkle in his eyes was brighter than fireworks, and the tightness in your stomach left you speechless.
“You’re gonna be late for work.” You add as you notice his feet don’t even shift to move away.
“I’m my own boss, Y/N.” He quirks up an eyebrow.
“Customers will be angry and never come back to buy, you know.” You add, but this time your courage is fading, and your voice is weaker, lower. Your gazes keep drawn together, unable to be torn apart and you clear your throat. “Dean…”
“Y/N?”
“No.” A syllable punched Dean in the gut. No? What the hell did that mean? Why didn’t he lean over and kiss you? Or why didn’t you reach up to kiss him? Why would you avoid everything when every second of that moment pointed out the obvious? He couldn’t do a thing but nod and step away from you slowly, reluctantly. Your eyes couldn’t leave each other’s, but your bodies surely grew apart, along with Dean’s heart from the idea of you loving him.
“I’ll see you tomorrow.” He nodded and you headed to his room to grab your house keys and left his place.
Dean couldn’t care less about his stupid store, or the customers he’d lose today. He’d lost you, he’d lost his heart to two letters that stabbed his heart and ripped it to shreds. He’d lost any stupid idea he had of love, and he remembered Sam’s words: When I think of you being happy, I see you with Y/N, man. Would it be so bad to try? Dean had thought it could’ve been bad. He didn’t think it would leave him speechless, broken, and stranded on a void without answers.