Chapter Text
“You said you’ll be staying in Sumeru for a while, correct?”
“I’ll be doing what pleases me, but I’ll be around here, Buer.”
Nahida smiled, “Of course, you’re free to do what you wish, you did receive an anemo vision after all. Mondstadt is the land of freedom. I've heard that it’s quite beautiful, though I’ve never been able to go there myself nor have I ever met the other archons. But maybe one day I’ll be able to go, but as I said you are free to wander where you wish.”
“I already told you, Buer, I'm staying in Sumeru. Now why did you call me here? You know how pointless I find useless conversations.” Scaramouche rolled his eyes, pressing his lips together annoyedly.
She sighed, but still kept her smile, Scaramouche was making progress and that was enough. It took time for a tree to regrow a withered branch before it could flourish. “I was hoping to just simply talk to you, Scaramouche, but I also wanted to ask you to go down to Port Ormos.”
“Why? I’m not one to run petty errands. I told you the wisest leaders were fated to end up with the best helpers, but I think I’m worth a little more than any of those Akademiya scum running around.”
“While you may be more capable, Scaramouche, I still picked you for a specific reason. Plus it is not always the end goal that is most important about the task. I’m sure that you can understand this, attempts to change things that are not so easily changed can be futile, yet they still make all the difference in the person trying don’t they?”
“...” Scaramouche stayed silent, pressing his lips into a straight line again and gritting his teeth behind them, but he knew she was right.
“As I said previously, you still are free to do whatever you want, but if you wish to then there’s a ship down at Port Ormos called the Alcor. The captain of that ship is Beidou, who is married to the Tianquan of Liyue. If you wish to, I’d like you to go down and meet her on my behalf. I’m afraid I don’t have the time to go meet her myself and going into her thoughts for a first meeting seems a bit intrusive, so I’d like you to be there in my stead.”
“A diplomatic mission, huh?” Scaramouche tipped his hat down, shielding the grin forming over his face, “Do you really trust me that much, Buer, when I could betray you at any moment? We barely tip the line of being mere acquaintances. Last time you sent me on a mission of high importance, things didn’t exactly work out how it was initially planned.”
“Trust starts in one place, Scaramouche, I’m giving it to you because I believe you deserve it. Looking to the past may be a good prediction of the future, but I still believe looking at the present moment is the best indication when the past can be so easily changed. A saint can become a demon as easily as a demon can become a saint.”
“I’m no saint, Buer.”
The dendro archon tilted her head slightly, “You’re right, but you’re no demon either. You may have reclaimed your sins and memories, those are not what completely define you.”
“People’s lives are simply the collection of and sequence of their memories. Some people are fated to act in certain ways”
“That may be true, but it isn’t written by fate what you do, it is simply fate that keeps record of what you do and predicts your life. In the end, it solely relies on you. Believing in fate is like a painter following a pattern. Keeping the pattern may look pleasing, but changing it by the painter’s own hand can weave a different more desirable path. I hope you can see that Scaramouche”
“...” Scaramouche stayed silent for a moment, giving only a single subtle nod before walking toward the exit of the Sanctuary of Surasthana, but he paused before placing his hand along the door, “I agree with you Buer, but I just don’t think something like that is feasible for me. Taking fate into your own hands, is like a child trying to reach a sunsettia perched up on the highest branch of a tree, no matter how much the child jumps, they’ll never reach it. Now then, I’ll be taking my leave now and I’ll be going to Port Ormos on my own terms.”
With that he left abruptly, the echo of the door ringing against the arches above, but Nahida smiled. He was slowly coming around. He had been right in his little analogy of saying that it was impossible for the child to reach the fruit, but sometimes the most direct method was not always the most effective.
“Hey! Mr. Big Hat man! Are you a new sailor?!”
Scaramouche rolled his eyes trying to ignore the little boy who was barrelling toward him. He already regretted going down to the docks of Port Ormos. He hadn’t even been able to board the famed Alcor before being bothered with a nuisance.
“Hello?! Hello?? Mr. Big Hat man?” Scaramouche stayed silent, aware of the presence running behind him. It’d be best to not create a scene, after all this boy was simply a curious child. There was nothing wrong with that, but Scaramouche wasn’t one to indulge children.
“Hey Mr. Big Hat man?? Hmm…maybe he can’t hear very well like Madame Ping?” The child moved forward to try and grab one of the tendrils trailing down from Scaramouche’s hat to get his attention instead.
Scaramouche couldn’t feign his ignorance anymore as he felt his hat slowly be tugged off his head. He snatched the fabric himself before turning around to face the child, “Get lost kid, don’t you know it’s quite rude to just grab someone’s things like that?”
“I- I’m sorry, Mister…I just thought-” The boy tried to hide his face from the glares sent his way, tears on the verge of forming in his eyes as he tried to step away from the scary figure.
Scaramouche sighed pointedly before taking in a deep breath and collecting himself; the glare was still evident in his eyes, but it was hidden behind a deceitful smile in an attempt to mellow his annoyance. He never liked upsetting children, they didn’t do anything wrong out of ill will, it was simple curiosity. “Look, kid, just leave me alone, don’t take it personal, I’m just here to talk to someone on that ship.”
The boy looked up to see Scaramouche pointing at the Alcor, “Oh! That’s our ship or well it’s captain Beidou’s ship, but she says it’s the whole crew’s since we’re a family. There’s captain Beidou, Yinxing is the doctor…”
Family. Scaramouche’s eye twitched at the word, the rest of his body froze, but he collected himself quick enough before the boy could notice. He had been too occupied in his talking, listing off all of the crew members.
“...and then there’s Kazuha, he’s from In-a-zu-ma and has an anemo vision.” He recited off the name of the nation syllable by syllable.
Huh, an anemo vision user from Inazuma, Scaramouche thought about himself, but besides those two things that was probably where the similarities ended. He couldn’t indulge in talking to this child about frivolous things anymore though, he had someone he needed to talk to on behalf of the dendro archon. As much as he may not have any commonalities with Nahida, he did have to respect that she was a very wise leader, everything she did was calculated and if she wanted him to do this he knew well that there was a reason behind it. Before he could continue on though, he was interrupted, by a new voice behind him.
“Little Yue, who's your new friend?” The voice was gentle and smooth, but still carried a hint of graceful roughness in it like the hardened calluses of the lyre player’s fingertips.
A newcomer had approached from behind Scaramouche, he hadn’t even heard the man’s light steps approaching them until he made his voice clear. Instantly, Scaramouche turned around to see who this new person was. It was a man around the same age as Scaramouche, dressed in traditional Inazuma wear adorned with patterns of maple leaves. That wasn’t what Scaramouche paid attention to though.
That red streak in his hair was all that Scaramouche needed to see before falling ill. The color drained away from his face and his pupils shrunk as he felt his balance sway slightly in the roving winds. So this had been the real reason behind Buer’s mission hadn’t it? Out of all the descendants of those affected by the Tartarasuna incident and the fall of the Raiden Gokaden, why did the relative of Niwa have to be the first he met? Niwa was the one he had his life indebted to. He had faced his descendant before, but that was before he knew that Niwa’s heart was taken so coldly from him so Scaramouche could still stand here. Yet, as much as he hated to face this descendant, he couldn’t take his eyes off of him, an image of the past and present replaying in his mind comparing the two. His eyes fell farther back into his head as it clouded more in thoughts than reality and the joints of his knees began to buckle. Even the winds could not save him from falling.
A darkness swarmed his vision, but before he could be fully enveloped, he saw a pair of kind crimson eyes staring back at his own widening pupils before his eyelids could lock themselves. A haunting image of the events at Tartarasuna flashed a million times in a millisecond before even his thoughts swam away.
“Hey sweetie, how are you doing?”
Scaramouche scrunched his eyes before opening them. He was lying in a bed in a small room. Across the room was a woman mixing something together. The whole room smelled like herbs and damp wood like the scent after rain.
“Where am I?” He sat up further as consciousness rushed back at him. He had fainted back at the harbor, how embarrassing. His lips tightened in disgust, why did he let himself get so carried away like that?
“Don’t worry sweetheart, you’re just in the infirmary on board the Alcor, Kazuha said you had a little fall along the harbor. I know those stone bricks can be pretty hard, but I didn’t see any blood or bruising when he brought you in. Ya’ should be fine. Now then take this and drink it up, sweetie.” She handed him a little bowl of what looked like green liquid.
Scaramouche hated being called names of endearment like sweetie and sweetheart, but he held his tongue and drank the medicine even though he didn’t need it. He preferred not to reveal his non-human identity though. The medicine wasn’t enjoyable, but it went down relatively easily, Scaramouche could endure more than just some bad taste in his mouth.
“Wow, you took that down easier than most of these sailors on board y’know, always complaining about the taste. Yinxing, add more sugar or don’t add any more violet grass when they know it’s good for them. Or if it’s Kazuha or the captain it’s always I don’t need any medicine, I’m fine, I’ve been through worse. Not sure what makes those vision users think they’re invincible or don’t need any extra help. You have a vision though and you didn’t seem to be bothered too much though so maybe it’s just them. Those two can be quite stubborn. Anyway enough with my little rant now, you’re free to go now, head might hurt a little bit, but the medicine I gave you should help with that.” The doctor had been quite animated in her little talk about all the little microaggressions she addressed to her colleagues. “Also, the kid mentioned that you wanted to talk to the captain, she was here earlier, but then she went into the city. She’ll be back by tonight though. Second in command is Juza, but he’s not here, so I’d say your best bet is talking to Kazuha. He’s a bit of a rambler like me though and seeing your expression, I take it you don’t like my type that much so maybe it’s just better to wait for the captain. She’s that type of no nonsense person, you seem like you’d prefer that.”
It was true, Scaramouche was quite annoyed with this rant, but he was mostly more annoyed with himself in failing to keep his composition. He wasn’t one that let his emotions and memories overtake himself. He had to maintain a stoicness, even when he learned the truth in Tartarasuna, he didn’t let it phase himself too much. Sure he had taken drastic measures after that, but he had kept his composure. Then again, seeing memories was much different from seeing something in real life.
“Where can I find Kazuha?” He held his tongue from saying anything else. He was already behind schedule and had no time nor reason to mock this doctor. As much as feared talking to Kazuha, he was eager for it. Fear was something that Scaramouche loved to face, it gave him a thrill, overcoming fears was what made him stronger, it gave him more power. Something Scaramouche used to fantasize over. Now, he realized facing fears was what made him more human even though he said he gave up on becoming one.
He had made a promise to tell those who were descendants of the Raiden Gokaden the truth, and he would hold himself to that. The fear that he felt upon first seeing Kazuha was now fueling his determination. There was no point in waiting around, trying to avoid the inevitable interaction. Any waste of time would be regrettable and Scaramouche believed there was nothing worth regretting in his life. Doing nothing was useless, but trying to do something that ended up being worthless wasn’t as wasteful.
“No nonsense, I guessed right,” Yinxing tapped her own head, “but Kazuha should be around the corner along the deck somewhere, probably looking out to the sea. He does that a lot. Either there or he’s up in the crow’s nest watching the sunset, should be around that time. Captain’ll be back soon.”
Scaramouche didn’t bother with saying anything more, taking his hat in hand and dawning in before making his way toward the railing of the deck. The sea breeze played with the hanging stirps of fabric on his hat as it would have with the sails if they were open. Kazuha wasn’t anywhere to be seen by the edge of the railing, but Scaramouche could make out the Inazuman’s figure up in the crow’s nest watching the reddish sunset scorch the dampening sky above.
Smirking to himself, Scaramouche made his journey up the crow’s nest with the help of his anemo vision. Maybe being blessed by the grace of the gods wasn’t such a bad thing.
“I thought you wished to speak to the captain. Little Yue told me you told him that you wanted to speak to someone onboard before you fell. Yinxing told me it was nothing serious, but how are you feeling?” Kazuha was perched along the railing of the crow’s nest, he wasn’t afraid of falling, the wind would be there to catch him. He didn’t take his eyes off the sunset as Scaramouche ascended up to him. There was something gentle in his voice, that evoked Scaramouche not to fall into fear like before, but comfort.
“I’m fine. Yinxing told me that you were the highest ranked one on board right now, though that’s not why I’m here.”
“Oh?” Kazuha finally turned to face the other standing behind the railing next to him, “you wanted to talk to me? I’m afraid I’m not exactly as knowledgeable or influential as the captain, but I do enjoy indulging in conversation with other individuals and from your appearance you seem like quite an interesting one. Each person’s life is made up of the collection of their memories and experiences, weaving their own stories to tell. There’s only so much one person can do, but listening to others’ experiences makes that goal of doing all more attainable.”
“Yinxing was right, you ramble a lot.” Scaramouche snorted.
Kazuha shrugged, “I just suppose that is in my nature, I find words to be the easiest medium of expressing myself. Yinxing likes to ramble herself too though, I suppose she told you a bit about me. Then again, there isn’t that much to tell. I’m just a simple wanderer of Teyvat that hails from Inazuma. My clan used to be a prosperous one, but has fallen over recent generations. And though that may be sad, I am grateful for it; I could not enjoy traveling the world like this if it had not. Of course that is my own speculation, I would be a rather different person growing up in a powerful clan, but I think that I’d prefer the way my life is now and where the wind takes me. I saw you also have an anemo vision, you must be quite a free soul seeing how intune you are with the winds and the element. I saw how you controlled the winds ascending up here, you’re quite masterful in the use of anemo, I aspire to someday reach that level of being intune with the element.”
I’ve only had this stupid thing for two fucking days. Scaramouche rolled his eyes, Yinxing had been right about Kazuha being even more of a rambler than her, he really didn’t seem to know when to shut up. Yet, Scaramouche wasn’t too bothered by it. There was a soothingness in the way he talked and so easily shared his experiences that helped open the veil Scaramouche used to shield himself.
“I’m not so sure that being intune with an element relates to how I use it,” Scaramouche replied, “Visions are volatile things, the gift from the gods is only a weapon. It can be revoked just as easily as it can be given. Being from Inazuma you should know that.”
The vision hunt decree, that had been something that he had also been involved in. He had wanted to see his homeland burn to the ground, to see Ei’s failure, but that was a long discarded part of his mind. His vengeance no longer was focused upon Ei, but rather Dottore. Ei had abandoned him, but he could understand her motives now looking back. He still harbored some resentment toward her, but even after his abandonment, it had been Dottore that had truly broken and battered him, taking control of the strings that he had only recently reclaimed. Ei may have abandoned him, but she did not try to control him.
“Ah yes…the vision hunt decree…” Kazuha shook his head as if he were remembering some kind of bad memory, guilt pitted inside Scaramouche’s throat, “I’m glad for the fact that Inazuma’s tumult has come to an end, though of course that was not without some kind of losses. You look like you come from Inazuma yourself, my name is Kaedehara Kazuha…what is yours?”
“Scaramouche…” The words slipped out easily. Before, people would shriek in fear or crumble in terror at the name of the Fatui’s formidable sixth harbinger, but now that name was long forgotten and Kazuha only looked at him curiously.
“Ah, a Snezchnayan name, did you grow up there?”
You could say that The bitter cold of Snezhnaya and the void of the abyss had never treated him well, but it was where he had come of age. Scaramouche nodded, “I’m originally from Inazuma, but recently I have been staying here in Sumeru.”
“Ah, well the sunsets in Sumeru are quite beautiful are they not?” Kazuha faced his eyes back toward the glow of the sun over the horizon almost completely consumed in the abyssal waves below. Scaramouche followed Kazuha’s line of sight to look at the sunset. It was the setting of the sun, something that could be seen anywhere across the surface of Teyvat, something so trivial, yet here Kazuha was talking about it as if it were different in every single place. Come to think of it though, when was the last time Scaramouche had simply looked at the sunset? In all his time in Sumeru, he couldn’t recall looking at the sunset, always occupied with something other than to pay attention to the sunset.
Right now though, it didn’t seem so trivial.
Here he was watching the sunset in the crow’s nest of a ship rocking along the waves of the harbor next to Kaedehara Kazuha, the man whose relative had been murdered for him, whose family had declined because of him, whose country had been split because of him.
But right now, none of those things mattered at all. They were just two beings, two people, two humans, watching the sunset along the harbor. Kazuha didn’t know any better who he was sitting next to. He was perched along the railing of the crow’s nest, a single push and he would fall from grace. Scaramouche didn’t believe that he was someone worthy of trust at all, yet here Kazuha was watching the sunset with a complete stranger. Even if Kazuha knew of all the things he had done, Scaramouche still felt that he wouldn’t care, he’d still be sitting there on the railing. He’d still place that trust in him.
The guilt of all he had done to inadvertently ruin this man’s life ate up at Scaramouche, tearing up his insides and playing an unresolved dissonance in his head. He didn’t deserve to be here right now, enjoying the sunset next to Kazuha. Kazuha deserved to know the truth, but Scaramouche didn’t deserve the right to be in companionship with him without telling him first.
Despite the other’s heightened senses, Scaramouche was able to slip away undetected. He hadn’t been able to talk to Beidou. He failed Nahida’s mission, that wasn’t something he prided himself with, yet it wasn’t such a petty errand as he assumed it was at first.
Nahida already must have known he would’ve failed though, talking to Beidou wasn’t her true intention or her main one with this mission though. Scaramouche now knew that, much like his venture into Irminsul, she was doing this to win him over more, but it was also for his own benefit. He could see that. She was using him, but not in the same way Dottore did.
His trust wasn’t gained so easily, but she was making quite the strides at attempting to grasp it.
Maybe one day he’d be able to learn how to truly free himself from all the burdens of his past or realize that he was more free in his decision than he actually was. Maybe Kazuha had been right in how intune he was with his freedom, in forming his own fate, he just needed to realize that…
“I wasn’t able to talk to Beidou.” Scaramouche kept his hat brimmed down as he delivered the news to Nahida.
She wasn’t disappointed at all though, “That’s perfectly fine, Scaramouche, I told you that you were free to do whatever you wanted. For someone who says they act on their own, Scaramouche, you seem to be clinging a bit to my side. You don’t need to, you’re free to do what you wish to.”
Scaramouche shook his head but raised his hat so that his face was visible again, “I’m indebted to you, I still need to balance the books between us. Regardless of what you think, I believe in repayment, you said it yourself that you left those memories in Irminsul to win me over. Isn’t this what you wanted, Buer? For some kind of utility? Don’t lie to me, telling me the truth won’t hurt anymore.”
Nahida paused for a moment, thinking over her words. Although she was the dendro archon, she still had to make sure she said the right words to Scaramouche. Anything could be twisted in the wrong way, considering the way he thought. She truly meant no ill will toward him.
“Scaramouche, I’m not looking to use you at all-“
“Oh really? Because I don’t believe it that you’re doing this all out of the goodness of your own heart. By no means are we friends at all, and by no means are we on neutral terms with each other. Even if you were doing this all out of the goodness of your heart, there’s still some kind of self gain you want from me. Selfishness exists in everyone regardless of who you are, and it’ll always work it’s way in your actions as much as it’s suppressed.” Scaramouche’s words bit back at the winds as the air around them felt static.
“Scaramouche you have already endured enough, you have gone through multiple betrayals and survived them all. Almost none would still be able to stand here today after going through all you have, yet you’re still standing here. The worst of it is over, all left behind in your past. But right now you are betraying yourself by not letting yourself heal and move on. You don’t always have to rely on yourself anymore.”
“The only person you can truly rely on in this world is yourself. You tell me to let go of my past, but I can’t exactly do that can I? You think it’s easy to forget all that’s happened, to be fine with it, to stuff all that abuse and manipulation away and forget about it.” Scaramouche let out a somber laugh mocking himself, “Imagine if it was that easy, just forgive and forget, right? Then everything will be ok again right? Just forget everything that I did? Just forget how many people got hurt? It’s just so simple right?” He continued his manic laugh, but soon the faux comedy was replaced by the sound of choked up words accompanied by a flood of tears.
The floor of the Sanctuary of Surasthana was painted clear reflecting the ceiling above as a pool of tears covered the floor as if it was a new finish added on.
Scaramouche had collapsed to the floor resting on his knees, hands over his eyes, until all that was in him came spilling out. Belabored breaths echoed across the chambers as a dull ringing filled his hearing. His throat closed up, his skin prickly and cold, while he felt burning hot all over his body and the bile scorch his chest. His hat has been thrown to the side, the veil off as incoherent sobs flowed out like a shadow from the moonlight across a room. All of it was unbearable, every sound, every second, every thought invaded his mind, destroying more of himself as it splayed out in a glorious crash.
Yet, there was one thing that made it bearable enough, just for a moment. Compared to Scaramouche, Nahida was quite short, but she did her best to try and wrap her body around the other trying to embrace him in a motherly hug.
“It’s ok Scaramouche, I’m here with you…just let it all out.”
And although she was small, just the single contact of her touch was enough to spread a rushing warmth across Scaramouche, calming down his firing nerves just enough so that he could control himself a little bit more.
And that was what it took to gain his trust. Maybe he had already trusted her before. Maybe that was why he had followed her orders, because he trusted her even though he told himself to was because he was indebted to her. But now, he knew that she was someone that he could trust.
In his most vulnerable moment, she still stuck there with him. She waited out the minutes, hours, that Scaramouche kneeled there, the marble digging into his knees as the tears stung his face raw. But she stayed the entire time, making sure to let him know that she was there and that it would all be ok eventually.
There was nothing for her to gain from him at this moment, but she was still there helping ground him so that he didn’t float away.
Maybe there was more to friendships than just balancing the books…