Chapter Text
“C’mon Lily-flower- '' James started, cut off by Lily’s glare. He had been following her around Hogsmeade all day since she was alone, her friends all bed-ridden with an awful flu, even Sev, who rarely ever got ill. It was incredibly disappointing as she was looking forward to the first Hogwarts trip of 4th year with him, but she didn’t let it trod on her spirit. Until arrogant Potter got it into his fat head that she needed protecting, like a damsel in distress.
“Don’t look at me like that, I’m just trying to help!” protested James, his face the perfect picture of innocence except the obvious sly look in his eyes, showing how much he was enjoying getting on Lily’s nerves..
“Well I’d rather you leave me alone, I’m more than capable of looking after myself you know. Top of my class remember? Brightest witch of my age?” Lily reasoned, visibly frustrated with Jame’s stubbornness. She flapped her hands around to add emphasis to her point and a thought came into James’ head that she looked rather cute like that, not that he told her of course.
“Well, even the most powerful need help. Power in numbers and all that. And don’t forget that even the amazing Lily-flower falls behind me in defence against dark arts” James shot back, a shit-eating grin on his face and a twinkle in his eyes. He knew full well that his higher grades was a sore subject and one Lily clearly showed her hatred for.
“Don’t.” Lily wheeled around with a look that could kill, “Don’t call me Lily-flower Potter. Don’t even talk to me. Hell, don’t even look at me. Now piss off, I want to be on my own.”
Hoping that James would take the extremely obvious hint and turn back to his friends and whatever they were doing at the moment, most likely terrorising innocents, Lily continued walking. She didn’t know where or for how long but she kept walking that same beaten down path surrounded by extremely untamed grass growing from either side. On her far right, the shops started thinning out, getting replaced by spaced out tiny little cottages. Unfortunately, James couldn’t stop following her. Not speaking, just walking. And it infuriated her. How dare he act as if she couldn’t defend herself. And afterwards he'll inevitably act all heroic and like she had committed a great crime in not intensely praising and worshipping him. As if she hadn’t practically begged him to leave her alone. And it wasn’t just him, it was everyone thinking that the little muggleborn was powerless. It’s not her fault everyone seems to have a hero complex, always wanting to do the saving. Especially Potter. She could virtually feel Potter’s breathing down her neck, he was that close. And maybe she was having a bad day, or whatever, but something inside her just snapped.
Blood boiling, she turned around, momentarily surprised at the lack of space between her face and James’. Embarrassed at the butterflies that had magically - pun intended - appeared in her stomach, she had to remind herself that this was the boy that had been annoying her all day. Not letting that confusing moment of weakness faze her however, she took a step back and brought her wand out. Aiming it at his face, his annoyingly perfect but metaphorically large nose barely a few centimetres away from the tip of the stick, she relished in the confusion and slight fear in his large doe eyes.
“I mean it Potter.” snarled Lily, “I want to be on my own. You’re not the only one in Hogwarts that can defend themselves you know. Although you certainly act like it, prancing around like you own the place with your stupid little mates. Stupid, stupid pureblood.”
Too stunned to think of a witty comeback, James just stood there, mouth open.
“Uh, um…”
“What? Too scared to reply? Why? Because you know it’s true. You keep acting like I’m fragile and made of glass but I’m not. I’m a strong, smart, capable witch that’s more than capable of defending herself if need be. Just because I'm a muggleborn doesn’t mean that I can’t shoot some spells out to protect myself. Stop acting like you own me. You think you own me just because you can’t stop asking me out? Well you don’t. No one does. Just stop it Potter. It’s pathetic. You’re pathetic.”
By now, Lily had started moving forwards, still brandishing her wand threateningly, going off on James while he was moving backwards, hands in the air and jaw slack.
“No! Lily, listen. I don’t think I own you, I know you’re capable - more than capable - it's just that it’s dangerous for you to be out here alone. I would do this for any of my friends!” James rambled, slowly returning back to his senses.
“Well you can stop, because I’m not your friend. And I never will be. I hate your guts Potter. You humiliate my best friend constantly but still think you have a chance with me? Grow up Potter.”
James' face grew suddenly cold and his eyes hardened up at the mention of one Severus Snape. “Well, I wouldn’t want to be your friend considering what hangs around you. Snivellus deserves everything I do to him and more. Why can’t you see that Lily?”
“For Merlin’s sake Potter, just stop! Leave me alone. You don’t get a say in my life because you have no part in it. I hate your guts and I always will.”
Now, Lily telling James she hated him was not a strange nor an unusual situation. Typically, James would just shrug it off with a laugh and a “You love me really” and it went no further. But this time was different. She had never said it with such vigour and disgusted look on her face, like he was worth nothing, like he disgusted her just by being in her presence. And it hurt.
“Y-you don’t mean that.” stuttered out James, deflated. His expression softened again and his eyes lost their spark. “Tell me you don’t mean that Lily. Please” he whispered, his voice cracking. His eyes searched hers, looking for a sign that she was joking, that it wasn’t serious. But he found none. All he could see was the girl he loved, the last thing he thought of every night and the first thing he thought of when he woke up, looking at him as if she hated him. Despised him. And it hurt. It fucking hurt like hell.
“Yes I do Potter.”
Once again, James closed up his expression like he just closed up his heart and his eyes became stone. And somewhere inside her, being the one that murdered that mischievous happy twinkle and replacing it with that… heartbroken expression on his face with just a few words knotted a knot in Lily’s stomach that would keep her up that night. But at the current moment, she was overloaded with anger and it clouded her mind, fueling her.
"Well, I guess I’ll leave you alone, like you obviously want.” James practically spat out, cutting through the heartaching silence. He felt tears prickling in his eyes as he turned on his heel and walked away, the image of the hatred and loathing in those beautiful emerald eyes burned into his mind for what seemed like forever. The eyes of the girl he loved looking at him like that shattered his soul. Wiping his eyes, he hurried away back to the castle, back to the safety of his dorm where he could sob with all his might.
Stunned at her own outburst, Lily just stood there frozen for a moment before retrieving her senses. A small part of her desperately wanted to run down and apologise, say it wasn’t his fault and pour out her heart to Potter just to see that brilliant sparkle light up his hazel eyes once again. Ashamed of that part, she angrily shook her head and after giving Potter a head start to the castle, began furiously stomping there herself.