Work Text:
“How’d you know you were gay?” I look up, squinting at the glaring sun in my eye before my vision focuses and I recognize the figure in front of me: Kouyou Ozaki.
The cheerleader I’ve had a crush on since freshman year.
“Who says I’m gay?” I respond, leaning on the notebook I was drawing in with my palm under my chin.
“The lesbian pin on your backpack.” She looks down at the black messenger bag near my feet with the lesbian pride flag pin on it next to a pin of a tiny black cat face.
I forgot about that. “I’ve never had any interest in men and I’ve enjoyed plenty of dates with women.”
“Hm,” she says, almost in thought. “After I finish practice, do you want to get boba with me?” She leans forward, her hands on the bleacher below me.
Great, just great. “Sure.”
“Great! I like your outfit, by the way.” She smiles and walks back over to the other cheerleaders.
That’s definitely a lie. I’m wearing a long sleeve fishnet crop-top with a spaghetti strap purple lace top over it. Along with some fishnet tights and some black ripped shorts, and to top it off some black Doc Martens.
Kouyou has never been seen without wearing pink, red, or orange. Even her cheerleading uniform is pink and white with YHS- our highschool’s acronym printed across her chest.
I doubt that me and my outfit are her type. I’ve seen this film before: Straight girls who think they might be into women or baby sapphics ask me out and once they realize they’re actually straight or that I’m not their type they drop me.
This is a really bad idea, but I’ve been coming to most of her practices for the past four years. I might as well get something out of this crush, even if it's fleeting.
I go back to drawing in my notebook until her practice is over, and she walks over to me. I can see sweat dripping from her forehead and she still looks ethereal, “I just need to change. Join me in the locker room?”
I know my eyes widen a bit at her request. Join her…in the locker rooms. She probably just meant for me to wait outside.
I put my notebook and pencil in my messenger bag before picking it up and slinging it diagonally across my body. I begin to follow her, walking two steps behind her, before she slows down a bit so that we’re walking side by side.
Before I even get a chance to wait outside the girls’ locker room she grabs my wrists and pulls me down the hallway towards the door and twists the steel handle pulling me inside. Immediately, my eyes are greeted with girls chatting and changing into their regular clothes.
If she knows I’m lesbian, the rest of the girls probably do, too. I really do not feel like dealing with homophobia right now. Her hand is still wrapped around my wrists as she leads me towards a bench near her changing locker, smiling at me before opening it.
I notice a girl with a brown bob similar to mine but curled at the ends staring at me, but I decide to ignore it. I take my phone out of my bag and text Ranpo, letting him know that I won’t be able to give him a ride home today. He’ll probably enjoy the ride home with Poe more anyway.
“I’m going to shower real quick, I’ll be right back.” I hear Kouyou say. I turn my head towards her as she speaks, and the sight of her makes me swallow. She’s in nothing but a towel and I feel the locker room get significantly hotter. I nod my head because words would fail me right now, and she disappears towards the showers.
I start playing a game to clear my mind so I stop seeing her in that towel. She is the only one who could ever leave me that flustered. After a few minutes, I feel a tap on my shoulder behind me.
The girl with the brown bob that was glaring at me earlier is standing behind me, fully clothed. “Unless you’re changing, you’re not supposed to be in here,” she says offendedly.
I put down my phone, stopping my game, “I’m just waiting for a friend, she said I could come in here.”
“Aren’t you a lesbian?” Her eyebrow raises.
I reply hesitatingly, “Yeah…”
She clenches her teeth uncomfortably and crosses her arms below her chest. “It’s just- I don’t want you looking at me when I’m changing- or the rest of the girls. It's uncomfortable.”
I look her up and down. “You have nothing to worry about, you have neither the brains, the personality, or the looks for me to even notice you, let alone be attracted to you.”
“Can you just get out? I don’t understand why you have to be in here. The rest of the girls and I feel uncomfortable.”
“Yet, you’re the only one who approached me. The rest seem to be doing what I was happily doing before you roped me into this stupid ass conversation–minding their business.”
“Ena, what’s going on here?” A voice from behind us asks. Kouyou walks closer to us with a little quirk to her lip, like she already knows what’s going on here. Oh well, it was nice while it lasted. She’ll probably defend this homophobic asshole and I’ve might’ve been pining after her all these years but I’m not gonna allow anyone to just walk over me.
“This girl was looking at me while I was changing and I know she’s your friend but-”
“Ena, Ena, Ena,” Kouyou speaks condescendingly, like she is trying to calm a wild horse.
“What? I’m trying to tell you what happened,” she seems to shrink into herself, not as bold and egotistical as she was before.
“I was standing there the whole time. She was playing a game on her phone when you approached her.”
“I just feel uncomfortable with her here-I mean, she’s into girls and I just think-”
Kouyou leans one of her arms against the lockers, her towel holding on strong wrapped around her. I wanna say under different circumstances it would be hot, but even under these circumstances it was hot.
“Ena,” Kouyou interrupts her again. “You know how much I hate liars, right?”
“Yes, you’ve made that very clear since you became captain. I was just trying-”
“What you did was harass my friend and then lie to my face about it. And you know what that makes you?”
Ena has fully shrunk into herself now and nods her head no at the floor.
“A coward”, she almost seethes. “There is one thing I hate more than liars and that's homophobes. You’re on the sidelines for the rest of the season, you’ve been on thin ice as much as it is. Do you understand?”
“Yes,” I can hear tears in the girl’s throat as she answers. Without lifting her head, she almost runs from the locker room.
Kouyou watches her run off before turning towards me, regret written all over her face. She clears her throat, “I just can’t stand homophobes and liars, like I said. And honestly, she’s been saying a lot of slick stuff as of late already. I know what I did might seem-”
“Hot.” I cut her off.
“What?” She looks at me quizzically.
“What you did was hot. I can’t stand people who just watch as shit happens and she definitely deserved being benched.”
“Oh.”
Feeling self conscious about my word choice now I chuckle a bit, “Yeah..”
She gives a huffy laugh, “Well I’m glad you enjoyed the show. I just need to change really quick and then we can go.”
I turn away to give her some privacy and resume the game I was playing. I feel something lightly hit the bench and turn my head to see her discarded towel right next to me and her-
Naked.
I turn away as fast as I looked but it wasn’t quick enough because the image is fresh in my mind and I can feel my face gaining color. I’m sure if I had the equipment to do so, my boner would be standing tall right now.
I hear her chuckling and automatically turn my head to see what she’s laughing at.
Big mistake.
She’s wearing a bit of clothing this time, a short red-orange miniskirt but her breasts are still out and it makes my blush grow deeper. I notice a smirk on the edge of her mouth though, as if she is trying to contain her laughter.
Is she laughing at me?
I turn my head away again and decide to keep it completely down and on my phone for the rest of the time we’re here.
“Alright, I’m done.” I turn towards her and she is now wearing a light pink tube top to go with the skirt and some ruby red flats with small bows at the top of them.
She slings her cheer bag diagonally across her body and waits for me to stand up. I do and we walk out the locker room.
We’re walking to the boba place around the corner, there are a few clothing shops and spots to get food around there.
She immediately breaks the silence, “Why do you always wear that gold pin in your hair?”
“Excuse me?” I ask.
“I don’t mean it like that, you always look amazing. Everyday without fail you wear it and you don’t do that with any of your other accessories. Just wondering if it's special.”
She noticed I wear it everyday?
“It was given to me as a little girl. Since I was little, I’ve always wanted to be a doctor. My first patient was a guy who was stabbed by his crazy wife and I ended up tending to his wound until doctors came. After the paramedics came and she was behind bars, he gave me this pin for taking care of him and staying with him.”
Kouyou smiles, “That’s sweet.” She stops and reaches a hand up to touch the butterfly pin, with an entranced look in her eye, and starts twirling my purple hair around her fingers while looking at the butterfly.
She seems to realize what she’s doing and steps back a bit, “Sorry, it just looks so pretty in your hair.” She looks behind me, “Well, it looks like we’re here. Let’s go inside.”
“Oh- oh yeah, yeah we are.” I laugh nervously. I didn’t even notice.
We sit down at a small circular black table with brown wooden chairs on either side. The server comes over with our boba; a strawberry peach flavored one for me and a taro flavor for her.
Kouyou takes a sip of her drink, “So what are you always drawing in that notebook of yours? Everytime I look at you, you’re drawing in it.”
“People mostly. Drawing different people and different body parts and then labeling them really comes in handy when studying anatomy, it makes things easier and I enjoy it so I do it.” I sip from my drink and watch her smile a little bit.
“Hm. Have you ever drawn me?” She asks with this look in her eye, almost smug like she knows the answer before I can even come up with one.
Yeah I have, so, so many times. Every game, every practice I attend, drawing you in some sort of fashion.
“I might have, I don’t remember everyone I draw.” I give my shoulders a small shrug and see her face drop a bit at my answer. We sip our drinks in silence for a while.
This is so awkward. Any minute now she’s gonna realize I’m not her type and make up some excuse to go home-
“This drink is really good.” She gives a content hum, “You should try it.” She tips the cup towards my direction.
“Oh yeah sure, let me just go get another straw,” I start to stand up to go where the straws are and she grabs my hand.
“Yosano,” the tone of her voice instantly catches my attention. The way she says my name is like butter being spread on a roll. I want to hear her say it again, in a completely different circumstance. “You’re fine, just drink from my straw. I don’t have anything, I promise.” She chuckles a bit.
Those peach colored lips laughing. If I could, I would make it the only color I could see for the rest of my life. Her lips and her hair that's a matching color are the only things worth seeing, I want it to be the only vibrant color I ever gaze on.
I realize I’ve been staring for a while, her hand is still enclasped around mine. I sit back down and she lets go of my hand but her other still has her drink offered out. I put my lips to the straw and drink from her cup, her hand still holding onto it. She starts to pull the cup away from my mouth before I’m done and I can feel a little of the drink start going down the side of my lips.
She sets the drink down and with one hand cups my face, using the other to wipe the drink off the side of my lips with her thumb. She smirks, “Must’ve been good, huh?”
My mouth is still open from her fingers being so close to it and she chuckles before removing her hands from my face. Her ombre peach and red acrylic nails lightly graze my cheek before leaving.
Only Kouyou Ozaki could ever leave me speechless. Only one to have ever done so.
Conversation flows naturally after that.
“Where do you get your clothes from?” She asks, playing with her cup by forcing the straw in and out of it.
“A lot of my stuff is from Hot Topic, but I also like to support small shops around the area that have a similar aesthetic to mine.”
“We’ll have to go shopping together sometime.” She smiles and I see her hand move closer to mine on the table.
I give her a look. “I doubt anywhere I shop would be a place you would wanna go to.”
“Why’s that?” She asks genuinely.
“You wear a lot of reds, pinks, and oranges. There hasn’t been a single time this school year I’ve seen you without any of these colors.” She smirks at what I said and I continue on, “You look great, of course. A lot of these places just don’t carry your aesthetic.”
She leans forward onto the table, her tube top faltering a bit so I can see the skim of her breasts. “I look great, huh?” She has a coy look on her face and I am multitasking by trying to keep my face from turning red and keeping my eyes away from her chest.
“Of course, but you already knew that.” I say sultrily.
“Yeah but,” she grabs my hand, playing with the silver bands and black lace fingerless glove that covers it, “It sounds much better when you say it.”
Oh.
Oh.
She’s flirting with me. I’ve been a forlorn mess worried about making her uncomfortable or anything, but this woman is flirting with me.
Well, two can play at that game.
“Yeah?” I lean on the table too and into her touch, starting to cause our fingertips to touch but not intertwine yet. “I can think of a few other things that sound much better when I say them, when I do them, too, if you’re interested.”
She seems taken back because she doesn’t say anything for a few seconds and just looks at me. She lets go of my hand and before I can backtrack and apologize she reaches into her bag and pulls out her phone, handing it to me.
“Give me your number.”
I immediately start typing it in.
—---
A few days later she graces my phone with a picture. I can tell she’s laying in her stomach on what looks to be her bed. The angle the picture is taken at I can only see the edge of her lips and part of her cheek.
And another thing: Her ass on full display. Her legs are kicked up behind her and she’s wearing a thin lacey pick thong that gives me full view of her asscheeks. Not to mention she’s wearing a thin white tank top so her nipples are protruding through her shirt.
The thing that almost sends me over the edge though is that her hair is down, not in its usual signature bun. Even though you can’t really see her face you can tell through the picture. I don’t know why that's the sexiest part of this photo, but it is.
Literal loml: Hey wyd?
This girl knows that such a casual message does not go with the orgasmic photo she just sent.
Conveniently, I just got out of the shower before I saw her text. I sit on my bed, open my camera and take a selfie, letting my towel drop around me. She’ll be able to see my breasts and the bottom of my chin but not my lower half.
I send the selfie along with a message.
Me: Just got out of the shower, you?
Literal loml: Wanna ft?
And as much as I would love that. I don’t even know if us getting boba was a date and I don’t wanna be just a fuck buddy. I need to define whatever this is first.
Me: Sure, just let me get dressed first.
Literal loml: Alright, text me when.
Even though she hasn’t said it, I can feel her disappointment through the screen and it causes me to laugh.
—---
“I want you to wear my skirt.”
“...What?” I tilt my head to the side in confusion as she laughs.
“To my next game, kinda like wearing a dude’s varsity jacket. All my cheer skirts have my initials on the side so people will know it's mine.”
It's been a few weeks of this. Movies, shopping, making out between classes and after them. On our shopping trip, I took her to this cute gothic place around the corner from my house where she bought this punk-like red tank top with hearts over the nipples. She laughed as she tried it on and said, “Now you’ll never be able to say you can’t find them.”
I don’t think I’ve ever felt my face become more red. We haven’t said what these outings are, what us making out means, but it feels like the appropriate word would be ‘dates.’ We don’t invite other people, and I would be extremely disappointed if she did. We kiss a bunch and now we’re sitting in a field behind the school watching the sunset as I play with her hair on my lap.
I know what I feel, it's the same feeling I’ve been feeling for the past 3 years, only stronger since we spend more time together. But I don’t know how she feels, usually girls like her are gone by week 3, but it's been two months now.
I wanna ask what we are, but asking it makes it real and maybe she isn’t ready to take that next step, or in a week she could realize I’m actually not her type.
Ranpo thinks I’m being stupid.
Ranpo hasn’t been in my situation ever. He’s liked one guy in his entire existence and now they’re dating and will probably get married. I know girls like Ozaki.
“How’d you know you were gay?” turns quickly into “I don’t like girls” or “I don’t think we mesh.”
And I really don’t wanna lose this. I would rather stay in the dark than risk losing whatever this is.
I think she takes my silence as a refusal because she continues on, “I’m never asking you to change your aesthetic. I really like it, especially on you. I know pink isn’t your color but you could wear your regular clothing with it-just a pink skirt.”
I feel myself smile down at her and I stop playing with her hair, she looks up at me almost like she’s worried.
Worried about what?
I kiss her forehead, “Just drop it off before Friday. That’s when the game is, right?”
She smiles softly at me, confirming my question silently; and brings her acrylic nail up to my hair, twirling a strand around it. Her eyes are focusing out as her hand moves slowly to my ear where her finger moves up and down over my barbell industrial piercing.
She sits up and turns my head, “When did you get this?” Her hand is on my chin and her other is on my ear.
“Oh, the piercing? Maybe 9th grade-”
“No. I know that. I mean you got a barbell on it, with a pink flower on one side and an orange flower on the other, when did you get that?”
I can tell her actual question: Is this for me?
And it is. But what if she doesn’t like that?
I turn my head away from her and shrug, “I don’t know. Just felt like it.”
Silence.
I feel like I said something wrong, but I don’t know what.
“You look really beautiful in this lighting.” I turn my head back towards her and look down, and her palm is on my cheek again caressing it.
She jolts up suddenly, “Turn your head to the side, just like you were.”
I follow her instructions, “Like this?”
“Yes, just like that and stay still. I’m going to take a picture.”
Another thing about Ozaki, she wants to be a photographer.
“Because when you take a picture of something beautiful, you immortalize it forever,” she told me.
I hear her camera click as she takes a couple of pictures of me.
Oh.
Does she find me beautiful enough to immortalize forever?
I turn my head back and she’s looking at the photos she’s taken, smiling.
—---
Friday Night Football Games. Usually you would never catch me dead at one of these things. Watching Ozaki at practice was enough and Ranpo and I just never had an interest in going.
But she wants me here.
So I’m here.
It’s different with her. I haven’t been tongue tied about a girl since I first came out but she has my tongue in knots and I don’t even know what we are.
Today a girl asked me out and I rejected her. She was pretty, not as pretty as Ozaki (but who is), but still pretty, and we had similar clothing styles.
This girl has me staying loyal to something I don’t even know is there.
It makes me angry but then she smiles at me and I can’t help it, my heart starts doing backflips.
Making my way down the bleachers is terrifying because everyone is staring.
Ozaki was right, her initials are in big white embroidery on the bottom front of her skirt and everyone knows it's her’s.
A new pair of eyes stares at me everytime I take a new step.
And to make matters worse she wants me sitting in the front “where she can see me.”
To be honest, I wouldn’t hate the looks if I knew what we were.
A little more than friends? Lovers maybe? I just don’t know.
And that's what's terrifying about all of this, because if someone were to ask me why I was wearing her skirt I wouldn’t know how to respond.
Because she smiled and asked me and I immediately crumbled at her feet?
That doesn’t answer why me though.
Halftime couldn’t approach soon enough. Ozaki comes out on the field pom-poms waving in the air and as soon as she spots me sends me a wink, her face seems to light up when she sees I am wearing the skirt. And I cross my legs together tighter as for nothing to be shown underneath but softly smile back.
The cheerleaders finish their routine which ends with Ozaki being tossed in the air, caught, and then doing multiple backflips on the field. Someone from the audience hands her a microphone and she starts hyping the crowd up.
“Alright Yokohama students, are you ready for our footballers to kick some ass? If we beat our rivals-when we beat our rivals, we will then go on to the-”
She hates this part of being head cheerleader. She only cares if the football team wins because it gives the cheerleaders more recognition when they make it to things like playoffs. She can’t stand the overpeppiness she has to exert though and mostly she can’t stand the football players. The cheerleaders sell baked goods, do car washes, and get a hefty donation from Ozaki’s family just to be able to look presentable. The football players have to do none of that, the school just hands them money, whether they win or lose.
“Before we get back to the game though, I have an announcement: I am no longer single.” This gets a few disappointed ‘aws’ from the crowd. “So will my lovely girlfriend, Yosano Akiko come up here please?”
That’s me.
Oh shit, that’s me.
Smiling awkwardly at her, I stand up, and make sure my skirt didn’t lift before walking over to her. She smiles at me, and holds my hand, lifting my arm up and holding the microphone in her other hand.
It’s silent, too silent. Then a girl gives a whoop from the crowd and I look over and it’s the same girl who asked me out earlier and I smile at her. And suddenly the whole crowd is cheering, like a scene from a really really cringy movie. I feel Ozaki squeeze my hand tighter.
“I knew that would work,” she whispers to herself.
What would work?
Oh.
So that was her thing.
Performative sapphism. Connect with the girlies and give the boys something to holler for. That’s why she kept me around for so long and I probably won’t see her again after tonight.
Damn it. This hurts a lot more than it should.
Still holding my hand she leads me off the field, the rest of the cheerleaders give us congratulations before taking their respective spots back on the bleachers. Ozaki tells them she’ll be right back and leads me behind the bleachers, it’s a really secluded area where no one can see or hear us.
Why do you think she took you here?
Cut the line or she will.
I yank my hand away from hers and she gives me a confused look. “I can’t do this anymore.”
“Do what?” She takes my hand again and intertwines our fingers and she has this look on her face, like she’s dreading what I’m going to say.
“Us anymore. I mean, how the fuck could you do this to me?” I yank my hand back again angrily. “And the worst part is I genuinely liked you and all you did was use me.”
“Akiko, I don’t understand-”
“Don’t- don’t call me that.” I can feel tears well up in my eyes, threatening to spill. “You have no right to call me that,” I can feel myself start to choke up.
But I refuse to let her see me cry over her. I refuse.
I bolt off before the tears spill from my eyes.
I thought I was smarter than to get caught up with girls like Ozaki, to be able to differ from questioning sapphics and girls who just wanna kiss girls for male attention.
Guess not.
The stars look really blurry. But I guess that's what happens when you’ve been crying for about an hour. The football game is probably over by now or close to being done and the cheerleaders and the football stars will go out for celebratory milkshakes or comfort french fries.
Or something like that. All I know about football and cheerleaders is from corny movies Ranpo and I watch and make fun of.
And Ozaki.
I hate admitting to myself that I genuinely liked her, because that makes it even worse.
She easily played me and I let her.
She never defined our relationship and now I see why, she was waiting until it was convenient for her.
I should’ve never gone up there, I don’t like being in the spotlight unless I put myself there.
I should’ve never gone to the football game in the first place.
I’m starting to get why she wanted me to wear her skirt now too.
And now I’m sitting in the field where her head was in my lap and-
Uggghhh.
The worst thing is she's so hot and funny and hot.
At least I’m not hung up like this over a man, that would be just embarrassing.
I hear the sound of grass shuffling behind me and immediately sit up and try to scrub the tears off my face so no one is a witness to me crying.
“You forgot your messenger bag at the game,” a voice says from behind me.
Ozaki.
“I placed your notebook and pen in there too.”
“Great, you can set it down and be off now. I wouldn’t want you to miss the football players asking if you would be down for a threesome.”
“What are you talking about?” She has the nerve to actually sound bewildered.
I turn around, “You know since you’re “into girls.”
“Why are you saying it like that?” She walks closer to me and drops my messenger bag down next to me, before putting a hand on her hip. “I am into girls, you specifically.”
Do NOT swoon at that, Akiko.
She sits down next to me. “I don’t want to see you. Not now, not ever. Either you go or I will.” I curl up into myself, wrapping my arms around both of my legs as I stuff my face in between them.
“I just- I don’t understand what I did wrong. Is it because I announced us publicly? If you could just tell me so I can apologize because I never wanna hurt you, Yosano.” I look up from my arms and she’s biting her bottom lip.
I just wanna kiss it and forget about all of this.
I don’t think I’ve ever been as happy with a girl as I’ve been with her.
But she’s using me and I love and respect myself too much to let her continue to do so.
I grab my bag and get up, wiping grass off from the bottom of her skirt and then turn around to walk home.
She grabs my wrist, “Please Yosano, I don’t know what I did, but I really really like you and nothing's making sense.” I can hear the tears in her voice.
And I’m weak because I take pity on her for a moment and almost believe she’s telling the truth.
But I’m still so goddamn angry.
I sigh heavily, “Here’s my question: Why keep up the charade? You got what you wanted, the whole school knows you’re into girls now. Why pretend you wanted anything else from this? You never defined what we were until we were in front of the whole school and then you said, ‘I knew that would work.’” I pause waiting for a reaction, but a confused look just stares blankly back at me and this makes me angrier.
“You got what you fucking wanted, it worked. Just like you said, the boys were whooping and hollering, the girls were in support and now you’ll probably have dates all until prom and well after.” I jam my finger into her chest, “You used me for boys to like you. Why me?! You could’ve chosen any other girl to do your little charade with so why me? Why trick me?!” At this point my hands are balled up in fist at my sides, the anger seeping through my pores.
Her face morphs from confusion into understanding. “Oh okay, I get it now.” She takes a deep breath before continuing while looking slightly at the ground, “I have deceived you but not about actually liking you.” She takes another deep breath, “I’ve known I’ve liked girls since freshman year.”
My eyes widen in surprise but she continues on, “I just didn’t know how to talk to you and it’s senior year so I realized this was my last chance, but nothing about what we shared over these past few weeks-” she grabs my hand in hers, “was performative.” She starts rubbing her thumb over my knuckles.
“I’m sorry for not defining what we are and for announcing our relationship to the entire school. I should’ve talked to you about both things. I just assumed we were girlfriends which probably wasn’t the best thing to do, but I don’t get into many relationships. There aren’t enough people I actually wanna be with, you know? Well, except you of course.”
Keep it together, Akiko. Get your heart in check.
I blink slowly at the information she is telling me. “Earlier today, I saw a girl ask you out. The thing I didn’t hear was your response because some football player started talking to me at that exact moment.” The annoyance in her voice almost makes me laugh. “Then, I saw the girl who asked you out in the bleachers and since I didn’t know what you said, I felt possessive. Suddenly, you wearing my skirt wasn’t enough so I announced us publicly. And when she started cheering for us, I took it as her finally realizing to back the fuck off. That’s why I said that thing about it working.”
Oh.
Oh.
This is all starting to make sense now.
“To reiterate, I really really like you and I am really really sorry I didn’t communicate correctly what we were and announced us to most of the school. Can you please forgive me?” She takes my other hand in hers and squeezes both. She’s also biting on her bottom lip, like she’s worried.
Kouyou Ozaki, worried?
Does this girl really have no idea how far gone I am for her?
I start to laugh a bit until I’m bent over, holding my stomach. And when I look at her through wet eyes now crying from laughter she is smiling at me.
Do I know how far gone she is for me?
I regain my composure and grab her hands again. “Sorry, I was laughing at the ridiculousness of everything. Anyway, I am apologizing too because I didn’t communicate what we are either. And I forgive you, sorry for assuming you would do anything for the male gaze though. You’re way too hot for that.”
She laughs and it’s one of the best sounds I’ve ever heard, I swear. “Yeah, that was offensive. But I forgive you.” She squeezes my hands and just keeps smiling softly at me. Using our linked hands I pull her into me and kiss her.
I bite on that bottom lip she was chewing on earlier and she moans. I slip my tongue inside and wrap my hands around her waist, letting my thumbs graze over her hip bone. She wraps her arms around my neck and tilts her head, moving in closer.
“Wait– wait– just hold on a second—” Ozaki stutters out through kisses. I pull my lips off of her and wipe the bit of drool gathering at the side of my lip with the back of my hand before placing my hand back where it was.
“Yosano-”
“Akiko.” She gives me a confused look. “Akiko is fine again.”
She nods and continues, “Akiko, you rejected that girl, right?” Her eyebrow raises a little bit.
I can’t help but laugh again and she looks genuinely worried that I said yes.
“So what if I accepted it, hm? You’re real possessive over someone you still haven’t asked to be in a relationship with.” I smirk.
She frowns and rolls her eyes, “I hope you know you’re the only one I’ve ever asked, usually other people do the asking.”
“Not this time, Ozaki.” I graze my thumb over her bottom lip and position our lips centimeters apart. “If you want me, ask for me,” I whisper.
I feel her shudder before she says, “Akiko, be my girlfriend.”
“Mm. That doesn’t sound like a question,” I tease. She lifts me up off the ground and I wrap my legs around her waist, “I don’t care. Just please… say you will be.”
She’s almost begging me, it’s cute.
“Alright, I can work with being yours.” She laughs at me. “I have a question of my own though.” She stops laughing and looks at me, telling me to continue.
“When did you realize you were into women?”
She sighs, “Ughhhh. You’re gonna hold this over my head forever. I’ve only had 2 relationships in my life and both of them were with men, this was like early freshman year. Then in the middle of freshman year I see you and at first I only am looking at the butterfly pin you always wear in your hair but when I saw your face— I immediately knew I wanted to kiss you. And with those two boys I never really wanted to kiss them but you? All I could think about for days was kissing you and how your lips would feel against mine. You kinda confirmed for me I was a lesbian.”
She’s had a crush on me for just as long?
I just stare at her.
“What?” She asks and I can tell she’s embarrassed, she tilts her head down. I take one of my hands that was around her neck and bring it to her chin lifting it up and I start kissing her.
I speak between kisses, “Being— someone’s—- lesbian awakening— is the hottest thing, I’ve— ever– been told.”
She slips her tongue into my mouth and I let her take control, the make-out getting heavy.
“Wait,” I break away from the kiss breathily and tighten my arms around her neck to stabilize herself.
“Hm?” her tone breeds annoyance. She obviously enjoyed what we were doing before.
“You’ve said you’ve only had two past relationships with boys. Why didn’t you date any girls once you realized you were a lesbian?”
She gets really close to my face, a blade of grass couldn’t fit in between our two lips. And I understand the effect this had on her earlier because I have to use all my lower body strength to keep myself from slipping.
“Because they weren’t you,” she whispers and her lips are back on mine again.
And I’m trying not to swoon.
She didn’t date. For almost 4 years. Because it wasn’t me?
She bites my lip, pulling me from my thoughts. Her hand inches up my skirt and she breaks the kiss once she realizes what I’m wearing under it.
“Are you wearing a thong?” She asks, still grazing her hands over the skimpy underwear.
“Yeah, thought we could have a little fun after the game,” I lean in and bite her bottom lip before releasing it. She slowly opens her eyes when I’m done and drops me to the ground, she then gets on her knees, lifting my skirt and shoving her head under it.
“You’re gonna dirty your knees,” I try to not feel turned on by the position she’s in.
“I don’t care. You wearing my skirt is incredibly sexy, I wanted to take it off of you as soon as I saw you, but you wearing a thong under it? It shuts off my mental processing. I wanna eat you out so badly. ”
“We’re not doing this in a field, Ozaki. No matter how good of an idea that last thing you said sounds.” I try to sound exasperated but the horniness is definitely peeking through my voice. “My parents aren’t home, if we hurry we can cut the walk back in half.”
She gets out from under me and stands up, grabbing her cheer bag. “For the promise of getting to see more of what’s under there? I’ll turn that 15 minute walk into 5 minutes easy, let’s go.”
I laugh and grab her hand as she leads me down the hill and towards my own house.
I hope to be this happy with her forever. I have never and will never like anyone else as much as I like her.
—--
“When you led me to your room and said, ‘I have something I need to do to you’ this is not what I had in mind.” I say while holding out both my hands as she looks at the nail polish around her.
“Sorry to disappoint but we can always fuck later. I told myself as soon as I had you I was going to paint your nails and I keep my promises.”
She grabs my hand and starts putting on a clear coat and while waiting for that to dry repeats the process on the other hand. She then looks up and smiles at me before shaking her black nail polish and twisting the cap going to paint the hand she started with.
“By the way, why do you have black nail polish?” Her brand is pink and reds and oranges, black just seems…out of place.
“If I tell you, you have to promise not to laugh,” she moves on to the next nail.
Growing more curious, I say, “Alright, go on.”
“I was really worried I wasn’t your type. Every time I saw you with another girl she had a similar style to you and I just really wanted you to like me. So I bought a bunch of black clothing, looked up alt clothing styles, and painted my nails black. I gave myself a smokey eye shadow look with some black eyeliner. I was even thinking of dying my hair.” She moves on to the other hand before continuing, “And then I wore them the next day to school and everyone was looking at me like I escaped a mental hospital and I missed my clothes. Don’t get me wrong, I love your style, but I love it on you.”
“Why don’t I remember this?”
“That's the worst part; you were out that day.”
“Wow, you’re really whipped for me, huh?”
“Shut up.” She starts putting another clear coat on my nails.
I lift up her chin and kiss her, “I’m just as whipped for you. And I love your style too. As soon as I saw you my immediate thought was alt gf x pink gf.”
“I would wear a whole pink outfit just to do that with you.”
“Good.”
And she kisses me, pulling me on top of her, and I don’t even notice that she’s forgotten to finish putting the clear coat on my nails.