Work Text:
One typical afternoon at The Royal Academy of Concordia–
Lou finishes the last of his work for the day, filing the final document away in its designated cabinet.
Lou: Hmm…what shall I do for the rest of the day?
His eyes glance around the room before falling on his crystal ball.
Lou: Ah. I should check in on the princes.
Nodding to himself, he waves his hands and a hazy image of the S-Rank lounge is conjured within the glass sphere.
As the picture becomes clearer, Lou sees nothing particularly out of the ordinary.
Toa and Guy are reading books, sitting as far away from one another as the current furniture layout will allow.
Roy and Jasper are discussing the latest tea blends while sipping from cups of freshly brewed tea.
And, as usual, Lynt is dozing peacefully on the sofa.
Lou frowns slightly, disappointed at the peacefulness of the situation.
Lou: Perhaps I should add some excitement myself…
He begins to think of different ways to make things a bit more lively.
Nix: Lou.
Lou jumps slightly at the unexpected appearance of his familiar right behind him.
Lou: Yes, Nix?
Nix: It would do you well to remember that you are the headmaster of this academy, a responsible person of high authority.
Lou: Whatever might you mean?
Nix: Your current expression is the one that you wear when you are about to pull a prank.
Lou: “Pranks”? I prefer to think of it as…introducing challenges to ensure that the princes stay alert and adept at dealing with new situations.
Nix: Yes, well, if I recall correctly, I believe you recently “introduced” one of your little “challenges” to the princes less than a week ago, did you not? I suggest that you refrain yourself and allow them time to rest.
His expression shifting to an annoyed pout, Lou is about to protest when a sudden movement in the crystal ball captures his attention.
–
Fenn walks through the door of the S-rank lounge, dragging a giant chalkboard behind him.
Fenn: Hello my darling students~! Today you shall be referring to me as Professor Fenn, as I will be hosting a special lecture in this very room for all of those lucky enough to be present!
Toa sighs at the appearance of the noisy Luxurean prince.
Toa: Fenn.
The sternness in his voice makes Fenn laugh merrily.
Fenn: Didn’t you say that I should take my teaching duties more seriously~?
Toa: Yes, the teaching duties expected of you as a professor at this academy. Nobody here requires nor desires any of your “teachings”.
Fenn: Come on Toa, don’t be like that!
Toa: Go teach your actual students.
Fenn ignores Toa’s annoyed comment and begins setting up the chalkboard. A moment later, a presentation board makes its appearance as well, floating across the room to land next to the chalkboard.
Fenn: Ahem, today I shall be teaching you all about a very crucial topic!
Roy: Crucial topic…?
Fenn: Why, today is the day that I teach you all how babies are made! Please note, I will be offering hands on teaching as well, should anybody be interested after class~
Roy: M-Master Luxure, do you believe this is really necessary…?
Toa: We’re all adults here, I’m certain everybody is aware of how such things happen, Fenn.
Fenn: But are you, Toa? Are you really? Have you had the personal experience of making a baby before, Toa?
Toa: …
Guy quietly snorts in amusement, but then proceeds to roll his eyes, entirely uninterested in further entertaining Fenn’s usual antics.
Fenn: You see, this is why I must guide you all with my teachings!
Lynt’s eyes open sleepily before tilting his head curiously.
Lynt: You’re going to make babies with us, Fenn?
Fenn: That’s the spirit, Lynt!
Fenn: To be precise, I shall be teaching you how to thoroughly satisfy your partner during the process of making babies, without actually making babies.
Lynt: Pwaghhh…you can…wake me up when it’s over…
Fenn: Aaaaand we lost him again…
Fenn looks at Lynt disappointedly, but then immediately perks back up and continues.
Fenn: Now let us begin!
With a mildly exasperated scowl, Guy looks up at Fenn momentarily, and then returns his attention to his book.
But not before very subtly flicking a glance towards his valet’s direction.
Without a word, Jasper, who had been calmly sipping his tea as he watched the events of the room unfold, sets down his teacup and smoothly pulls a small journal and quill from his jacket.
Fenn: First we shall begin with some diagrams!
Fenn removes the first piece of paper to reveal the diagram of a–
~
Lou: ???
Lou: How odd…the diagram appears to be blurred.
Lou looks closer, but is unable to identify the object or thing being displayed.
Lou: Perhaps I need to do some fine tuning to the spell later…
Not thinking much of it, Lou returns to watching intently.
~
Fenn: Now then, to start at the basics! What is this here called? Any guesses?
Fenn waits for a response, but nobody makes any attempts to answer his question.
Fenn: Toa, do you know?
Toa: Fenn, I refuse to participate in your ridiculous performance.
Fenn: Come on, Toa! Surely somebody as studious as yourself would be interested in learning how to properly please a lady~?
Fenn: Or a man, for that matter~
Fenn turns his head and shoots a wink towards an empty space, almost as if he were winking at an invisible camera.
Toa: Why are you winking at nothingness? Have you at last gone fully mad?
Fenn: You never know who may be watching, Toa.
Fenn turns his head and winks once more.
Toa: …
Electing not to respond to Fenn’s nonsensical comment, Toa instead returns his gaze towards the book in his hands.
Toa: As for your prior question…I have no interest in such topics.
Fenn: Why, you say that, and yet that very book you are reading right now contains quite the explicit scenes as well, does it not?
Toa: …I do not know what you are speaking of.
Fenn: Oh~? Is that so…
Walking closer, Fenn peers at the open book in Toa’s hands.
Fenn: Would I be correct in assuming that you are approximately two-thirds through the novel at this time?
Toa: …Yes…
Fenn: Hmmm…well, in that case, perhaps I can jog your memory!
Fenn: For example~ Page 228, was it?
Toa freezes, his face turning even paler than usual–a feat in itself.
Fenn seizes this opportunity to take the book from Toa’s hands, quickly flipping through the pages.
Fenn: Let’s see here…page 228…
Fenn: Ah, yes, here we are!
Fenn: “He pulls away from their passionate kiss, his eyes shining with lust. “If…If we continue any longer, I-I don’t think I’ll be able to stop myself…””
Fenn reads out the lines dramatically, much to Toa’s horror.
Fenn: ““It’s okay, I don’t want you to stop. I want you too, you know,” she whispers breathily, her hand trailing further and further down until she reaches his–
Toa grabs the book from Fenn’s hands, slamming it shut before the Luxurean prince can continue reading aloud.
Toa: I…I merely skimmed over those sections…
Fenn: Sure you did, Toa.
Toa: M-More importantly…how do you know this book so well?
Fenn: Hehe, I have my ways, dear Toa~
Fenn flashes Toa a flirty wink before returning to the presentation board.
Fenn: I ask once again, can anybody tell me what this is?
Fenn looks around the room, but nobody except Jasper seems to be paying any attention.
Fenn: Jasper? Do you know?
Jasper: I am merely a silent observer, Master Luxure, please, pretend as if I am not present.
Fenn: Bahh…why is nobody any fun here??
Returning to the chalkboard, Fenn is about to give out the answer when Roy calmly raises his hand.
Thrilled that finally somebody is willing to participate, Fenn calls on Roy.
Fenn: Roy?
Roy: That is known as the [censored].
Fenn: Indeed it is! And what are you meant to do with the [censored]?
Roy: First you [censored], then very carefully [censored].
~
Lou: Hm? Again?
Lou looks around in search of one of his familiars.
Lou: Nix, I think there’s something wrong with my crystal ball.
Nix: Why is that?
Lou: Several parts of their conversation are being replaced with an extended beep noise and the diagrams are blurred.
Nix: Ah. That.
Nix: Phinny and I made some modifications to censor certain views or conversations.
Lou: And for what reason would that be necessary?
Nix: Some people do prefer to have their privacy, Lou.
~
Roy: -and then you [censored] and [censored] your partner with your [censored] and [censored], correct?
Fenn: Why, yes Roy! You are entirely correct!
Fenn: Although you mustn’t forget to always [censored].
Roy: Ah, indeed. It is very important to always [censored].
Things continue on in this manner–and what once was Fenn’s “lesson” has now transformed into a strange type of Q&A style informational between Fenn and Roy.
Nobody knows quite what to make of it.
Even Lynt at some point has awoken from his nap and is sharing uncomfortable glances with the other two S-ranks present.
It’s clear that everybody is thinking the same thing.
“How does he know so much about this…?”
~
Lou: This is a rather enlightening experience on many levels. Wouldn’t you agree, Nix?
Nix: “Enlightening” is one word to describe it, yes…
~
The door to the S-rank lounge suddenly opens.
MC: Hello~
Seeing everybody with a shocked yet uncomfortable expression on their face, she pauses in concern.
MC: Um, what’s with everyone’s expressions right now? What happened…?
Fenn comes over in greeting while beginning to gently herd her towards the front of the room.
Fenn: Oh, how wonderful Treasure! We were just in the middle of a lesson, you see! Perhaps you can provide some of your own input~?
MC: Sure, if you think I’d be any hel-...
Her gaze falls on the chalkboard and presentation board.
Her face immediately turns a bright red.
MC: Um! Actually! I just remembered I have plans with Sherry and Rio in the refectory!
MC: Sorry, gotta go!
She turns around and hurriedly rushes out of the room, much to Fenn’s disappointment.
Fenn sighs sadly, but quickly recovers as he returns to his spot in the front of the room.
Fenn: Now then, shall we continue~?
~
Lou: I should check in on the S-ranks more often.
Nix: Aren’t you already watching them quite often in your free time?
Lou: Yes, but I’m saying I should watch them even more regularly. There may be much valuable information to be gained that would otherwise be missed, such as today!
Rather than replying, Nix instead chooses to let out a weary sigh.
The End.