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Charlie is painfully bored. His date, if you can really even call it that, has got to be the dullest person on Earth. Trying to make conversation is like pulling teeth. In fact, Charlie thinks he would rather be pulling out his own teeth than sitting across from this man. He is doing his best to be engaging and ask questions, but the man (whose name Charlie is too bored to bother remembering) is giving one- or two-word answers and asking no questions in return. He had seemed so much more capable of conversation when they had chatted online, but Charlie is starting to wonder if the man had been pulling a Cyrano and having a friend pretend to be him to get people to go out on dates with him.
Charlie had just wanted a decent enough date that he could justify taking the guy home, but it’s clear that’s not going to happen tonight. In fact, Charlie is pretty sure there is absolutely no way that he can tolerate even another minute with this man.
He excuses himself to the loo and quickly pulls out his phone and opens his group chat with his friends.
[Tao, Elle, Darcy, Tara, Isaac]
Charlie (7:17pm): This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang.
Elle (7:17pm): Omg Charlie.
Elle (7:17pm): Do you need a rescue?
Charlie (7:18pm): No, it’s okay. We’re just finishing drinks and then I’ll leave.
Tara (7:18pm): Is it really that bad?
Charlie (7:19pm): It’s worse.
Charlie (7:19pm): And I’m starving.
Charlie (7:20pm): Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Darcy (7:20pm): There’s no way to know unless you try!
Tara (7:20pm): Please ignore her.
Charlie laughs and pockets his phone and then steels himself to head back to the table, intent on making the quickest exit he politely can.
“Hey,” Charlie says as he approaches the table. He doesn’t even bother sitting down, knowing it’ll make it harder to leave if he does. “I’ve actually got to head out. Thanks for the drink though.”
“Oh,” the man says, looking at Charlie with a relatively blank expression.
Charlie hesitates for a second and then grabs his jacket off the back of his chair. “Well, bye then.” And then he legs it toward the door, feeling nothing but absolute relief.
***
“Hey Charlie,” Elle says, entering the main living space of their shared flat where Charlie is sprawled on the sofa.
“Hey,” Charlie replies, pushing himself up to seated.
“Sorry about your terrible date. Did you find something to eat? There are some leftovers in the fridge if you want.” Elle tells him, ever the mother hen trying to take care of all of their friends.
“Thanks Elle, but I ordered pizza. It should be here any minute.”
“Charlie, please tell me you aren’t seriously trying to recreate a porno!” Elle exclaims, face alarmed.
Charlie laughs loudly. “Oh god, no. I promise that was a joke.” Elle sags a little in relief. There’s a quiet moment and Charlie looks down at his hands, suddenly feeling acutely aware of how dire his dating life must be if Elle had even considered he might be serious.
“I promise you’ll find someone, Charlie,” Elle says gently, reading Charlie far too easily, as usual. Charlie looks up at her with a faint smile and shrugs. “Tao and I are just going to watch a film in our room. Feel free to knock if you want to chat, okay?”
“Thanks, Elle,” Charlie says.
“No, but seriously Charlie … please interrupt,” Elle says, eyes wide and voice taking on a slightly desperate edge. “I think Tao is going to force me to watch Oldboy again, and you know how much I hate that film.”
Charlie chuckles. “I guess that’s the trade off for having a loving relationship,” he teases.
Elle sighs the affectionate sigh of a long-suffering girlfriend and then heads back off down the hall, leaving Charlie alone again.
A few minutes later, there’s a knock at the door, and Charlie peels himself off the couch to go answer. He is absolutely famished and more than ready to sit down with trashy TV and devour one too many slices of greasy pizza. He swings open the door, hardly even looking at the person on the other side until he hears a quiet “hi.” Charlie’s gaze swings up abruptly and suddenly he’s not sure that he’s not living out a porn scene. The man on the other side of the door is about Charlie’s age, tall, blond, and broad, arms straining the seams of the cropped (!?) pink jumper he’s wearing over a tight tee and jeans. If Charlie is honest with himself, this man looks like the living embodiment of the search terms Charlie uses when he's lying in bed at night looking for a little release.
It only takes the briefest of moments for Charlie to decide that, even if this isn’t porn, he’s still going to do his level best to make something happen here (Charlie knows he shouldn’t assume, but come on, he thinks, there’s got to at least be a higher-than-usual chance this man isn’t totally straight given the way he’s dressed). Charlie takes a deep, steadying breath, but his voice still comes out a bit thready when he says “hi.”
“Are you Charlie?” Charlie sucks in a breath at the sound of his name in the blond’s quiet, lilting voice.
He does his best to make his voice sound steady and flirtatious when he replies, “That’s me. And what’s your name?”
The blond makes a slightly confused face, clearly not used to being asked his name while delivering pizza, but he replies anyway. “Nick.”
“Nice to meet you, Nick,” Charlie says. He ducks his head a little so he can look up at Nick through his lashes. “So, what do I owe you for the pizza?”
“Um,” Nick glances at the receipt he’s balancing on top of the pizza box in his hands, “it looks like you paid online?”
Charlie bites his lip and laughs quietly. “Right,” he says. “Well, surely I owe you a tip.”
Nick’s brows furrow in a way Charlie thinks is extremely cute, and he begins to speak again, stuttering out “Actually, I think that’s …” before Charlie throws him a wink and dashes into his room to dig up some cash. He finds a slightly crumpled five-pound note, and, after hesitating for a moment, he grabs a post-it note and writes his name and phone number on it. He sticks the post-it on one side of the bill and then folds the other side over it, hiding the sticky from immediate view.
Charlie dashes back out to the door and hands over the money, heart pounding. Nick still has a somewhat confused look on his face, but he gives Charlie a beautiful lopsided smile and thanks him quietly as he hands over Charlie’s pizza.
“Well, thanks,” Charlie says, giving Nick a little wave as the man turns to leave. Charlie shuts the door, leaning his head against it with a groan, feeling suddenly deeply embarrassed. He’s just heading back into the lounge to eat his feelings when there’s another knock at the door. Charlie drops the pizza on the coffee table and makes his way back to the door.
He pulls open the door carelessly, only to find Nick on the other side looking adorably flushed and out of breath.
“Hi,” Charlie stammers. “Sorry, did you forget something?”
“Um, sort of?” Nick says, his blush deepening and his head ducking a bit as one hand reaches up to rub at the back of his neck nervously. Charlie stays quiet, waiting for Nick to continue. “You were flirting with me, right?” Nick says after a moment, eyes glancing up to meet Charlie’s.
Charlie’s eyes go wide. He’s been caught out, and he feels a hot blush creeping up his own cheeks at the embarrassment of it. “Oh god,” he says, before launching into a string of apologies. “I’m so sorry, I don’t know what came over me. I promise I’m not usually like that. I just went on a terrible date earlier, and I think I was just projecting some sort of fantasy onto you, which is totally inappropriate of me, and—” Charlie cuts off suddenly at the sound of a deep laugh. He looks at Nick to find his face plastered with a grin, eyes sparkling.
“You’re pretty cute when you ramble, you know,” Nick tells him.
“What?” Charlie asks, feeling totally lost.
“I didn’t come back to like … make you feel bad?” Nick says, voice rising like he’s asking a question. “I, um, I saw your number on the post-it, and I suddenly realized …” Nick looks off down the hall, seeming a little unsure all of a sudden. “I’m not really used to being flirted with by guys.” He glances back at Charlie and must see the slightly uncomfortable look on his face because he continues. “I liked it though. You flirting with me.”
“Oh,” Charlie says quietly. They stand there in silence for a few beats, just staring at one another.
“My shift is just about over,” Nick says eventually. “I know you have dinner already, but um, maybe we could grab a drink?”
“My pizza’s probably pretty cold by now anyway,” Charlie says with a laugh. “Want to come back here and we can eat it cold and watch a movie instead?”
Nick’s lopsided smile is back, and Charlie is pretty sure he could die happy right now if he could do it with Nick smiling at him. “How about I bring back a fresh one,” Nick offers.
“Yeah, okay.” Charlie says. “I’ll see you in a bit then?”
“See you in a bit,” Nick echoes.
This time when Charlie closes the door behind Nick, he leans against it with a grin on his face. It might not be quite like being in a porn scene, but Charlie thinks a date with an absolutely beautiful man is kind of better. Besides, if he’s lucky, they’ll have all the time in the world to get to the porny parts later.