Chapter Text
Aira wasn’t very good at pretending to be asleep. Or maybe by human standards he was, it was a little hard for Rei to judge that. He could absolutely tell that Aira was awake, laying still and trying not to breathe quickly, but his heart was beating much faster than it should be. Ah, he had probably been woken up by Eichi’s coughing and had heard them talking. What a good child he was, not interfering but staying awake just in case he was needed.
“Sakuma-kun, you d-don’t-“ the figure in his arms said pathetically. Rei didn’t even think he was fully conscious of what he was saying at that moment. No doubt he would have to be admitted to the hospital again. A bit annoying, that.
“I know.”
Rei was very good at pretending to be asleep, and he did just that. If he stayed still and didn’t talk, slowed his breathing as much as possible, Aira would definitely fall back asleep, and hopefully Eichi would as well if his body allowed it. Gently, he placed his hand on top of Eichi’s cold one, attempting to rub some warmth back into it. The blonde flipped his wrist around, blindly trying to lace his fingers with Rei’s as he mumbled something incoherent.
In moments like these when Eichi wasn’t even lucid, Rei might have been tempted to call his actions cute.
Being sick wasn’t very cute, though, it never had been. Eichi’s thin frame was shaking with chills, despite how much he felt like fire to Rei. His limbs were absolutely freezing but his core was burning, sweat covering his face and neck.
“I could simply turn you into a vampire like myself and end your suffering,” he remembered teasing Eichi once, long ago. The blonde had looked at him with a sort of child-like fascination, absolutely considering saying yes. Of course, Rei would never do something like that. Taking a sickly, entitled bocchan as a thrall didn’t sound like it would be much fun.
(Probably.)
Rei wondered what Aira would think if he woke up and saw the two of them in bed together. The boy had already ran into them on their one attempt at a normal outing, at the same hidden cafe that Shu would bring Mika on their dates (Not that Rei didn’t enjoy spending that time with Aira as well, but the timing ), yet hadn’t said anything about it. Perhaps they were being more discreet than they thought they were. Or maybe it was just Aira’s innocence; as it was quite clear that his fellow eccentrics knew something was up. He still hadn’t worked out how to tell Natsume in a way that wouldn’t completely hurt him. If he ended up hurting their “child”, Kanata would probably drown him (which would be deserved).
However, it may have been because of the night he had with the eccentrics not too long ago that Rei was in Eichi’s bed now, like some sort of stubborn defiance. Shu had seemed to know the least about what had been going on in their absence (good), but Wataru and Kanata were quick to fill them in on “rumors” and “observations” and “-then the other day at lunch, His Majesty said-“. Thankfully Natsume had been in the kitchen, helping clean up during most of this, giving Rei time to deny and redirect the conversation. Shu and Kanata, quite reasonably, had expressed concern, and that they didn’t understand why Rei was doing something that would only end up with him getting hurt.
(Rei didn’t understand either, but Shu especially didn’t seem to like that answer. He didn’t want to give them the other answer, his actual answer, “because I want to.”)
But of course Wataru knew. Even if Wataru hadn’t been as close to Eichi as he was, he would always know these sorts of things, and he always had. Nothing Rei said to him, even insisting nothing serious was going on, wiped that smug grin off his face the entire night. Rei was sure that Wataru was getting some sort of sick amusement from watching how uncomfortable he was whenever Natsume asked anything about what was going on.
So perhaps after that night, he was having a bit of inner turmoil about this whole thing. Rei felt guilty for essentially betraying his closest friends, but then he felt angry that he was feeling guilty. Why should he? Everyone else had gotten to move forward, right? They didn’t stay mad at Wataru for long when he joined fine. Natsume and Tsumugi had reconciled. How was this any different?
Rei could have ignored Eichi’s coughing that night, he could have just called his doctor and asked for them to send someone to take Eichi to the hospital. He probably should have done either, but he didn’t want to. He wanted to lay in bed next to him and try to make him feel better. He didn’t want to feel guilty about trying to actually do something that he wanted, something that would make him happy for once.
Eichi mumbled something else and squeezed his sheets with the hand not holding Rei’s. He decided that in a few minutes, he would get up and run Eichi a bath. It wouldn’t matter in the end, he would no doubt still have to call someone to take him to the hospital soon, but at least for now he could offer some sort of comfort. He really didn’t want to hear Eichi whine at him for making him be all alone in the hospital, though; that was something he hadn’t missed. Perhaps it would be just as easy to sneak in after hours like it had been a couple of years ago, he’d have to find out.
Limbo
On the rare day that Rei wasn’t allowed to stay late at the music room school, he would head over to the Hasumi temple on the hill. It was an even rarer day that he wasn’t able to spend time there, usually only because of a festival or event going on, something filled with too many people that he didn’t want to be involved in. Today, however, there was no festival, no event, yet Rei found himself back home before the sun had even gone down. He slammed his parasol into the stand by the front door, threw off his bag, and stormed up the stairs, throwing open the heavy door to his little brother’s room with all of the strength that his eleven year old body could produce.
“Hi,” Ritsu greeted him from his cocoon on the bed, unphased by Rei’s attitude.
“Why do I even bother with Kei-kun?” The older huffed, throwing himself on the bed, curling up into himself. “I’m not going back there again.”
“Onii-chan, you say that, like, once a month.”
“But I mean it this time.”
“What did he do this time, not follow your corrections on the shamisen?” Ritsu pulled the blankets so far around him that only his eyes were visible. “Or did he not let you feed for real?”
“He’s just annoying.” The sixth grader mumbled. When that didn’t seem like a satisfactory answer, he added, “His weird, sick, rich friend was there again.”
“Ohh.” Ritsu said slowly. “Then onii-chan is just being jealous that Kei-kun has another friend. I get that way with Maa-kun.”
“I’m not jealous,” Rei turned over just to shove a pillow over his brother's face, then turned back again. “But that other kid is. He kept clinging onto Kei-kun’s arm and smiling at me. And his blood smells weird.”
“You’re jealous,” Ritsu reiterated.
“I’m not.”
“What does his blood smell like?” Ritsu poked Rei’s back.
“It smells like he’s pumped full of medicine.” Rei wrinkled his nose as he recalled the smell. Nothing like Keito, whose blood always smelled and tasted incredibly basic and clean.
“If you bite him in front of his other friend, he’ll probably go away.” Ritsu offered.
“Ritsu, don’t tell me that’s what you do to Isara-kun,” Rei rolled over to face his brother again. “He’s going to get fed up with that, and then I’ll have to kill him for making you sad.”
“Maa-kun would never make me sad, don’t even joke about that.” The younger of the two grumbled. “I only bit him a couple times. He only cried once.”
“You’re such a bad kid,” Rei sighed.
“And you’re jealous that Kei-kun has a friend that’s not you.” Ritsu stuck out his tongue.
He absolutely was not jealous.
If he were jealous, would he go back to the temple the next day immediately after school ended? No, that wasn’t jealousy, that was concern. Hiding beneath his parasol, Rei kept to the trees that directly surrounded the property. The paper screen door to one of the bigger rooms was open a bit, and he could see Keito’s grandfather sitting across the kotatsu from a man and woman dressed more sharply than he had ever seen anyone in his own family dress, even at the yearly rituals. The older man looked incredibly serious, as he usually did when talking about death.
He continued slowly circling the perimeter, until he came to where Keito’s room would be. Of course, Rei wouldn’t be a good friend if he didn’t know the easiest and most discreet ways to sneak into the place, and he did just that, not hearing or otherwise sensing anyone nearby, aside from Keito and that kid .
Peeking from around the corner in a hallway, he saw the door to Keito’s room hadn’t been slid fully shut, letting him see the two inside, sitting on the floor. Keito was hunched over, brows furrowed slightly as he drew. The other boy sat nearby, holding a book in his hands but watching Keito. Rei could understand the fascination - Keito was really good at art - but couldn’t help but be a little frustrated because he didn’t get to watch Keito draw much anymore.
Keito had talked about Eichi before. Apparently he was dying, but clearly he hasn’t died yet. His family was incredibly rich and influential, yet the men were often in poor health and would pass quite young. Keito said his family had always been the ones to handle the funeral process for them. Keito would never talk about Eichi with much fondness, but then again, Rei never really heard Keito talk about anything with too much enthusiasm. He described Eichi as being too nosy, too impulsive for his own good. Keito had said the same things about Rei as well.
Something about the kid was just off and Rei couldn’t figure it out. The smell of medicine that ran through his body definitely didn’t help. Of course Rei had smelled people like that before, but usually coming from those much older, much closer to the edge of death. Maybe it was that he looked almost too perfect, with soft skin and neat pale hair that hadn’t been mussed from playing outside. It contrasted with how sick Keito always made him out to be. Maybe it was the way that those bright blue eyes were fixed on Keito like he was the most amazing creature he had ever seen.
“Don’t just stare,” Keito grumbled suddenly, moving his arm to shield his paper from the boy’s eyes. “It’s rude to watch someone while they’re drawing.”
“It is? Why?” The blonde asked honestly.
“It makes me nervous and I’m gonna mess up,” Keito sat up and gave the boy a stern look. “If you don’t stare at me while I draw, you can look at my other sketchbook.”
That seemed to be enough to placate the boy and he happily closed the book he was holding to grab at the worn sketchbook that Keito retrieved from its hiding place.
“I still wanna watch you, but this is good enough for now,” He smiled as he began slowly flipping through the pages.
“Remember to tell me if you hear someone coming,” Keito added quietly before picking up his pencil again.
Rei almost wanted to make a noise just to see what the two would do, but refrained. As much as he wanted to see this frail-looking child jump, he knew Keito was incredibly worried about his family getting onto him about “wasting his time” doing things that weren’t related to school. He watched the two for a moment longer before retreating back out of the building.
He made another slow walk around the perimeter, and then one more after he saw a sleek car at the bottom of the hill pull away, before returning to sneak in through the back again. Keito was still in his room, but his paper and pencils had been put away and he had his school bag and books out in their place. Rei snuck closer and closer towards his room until he was right outside the entrance; Keito didn’t notice at all as he worked on his homework. Rei crouched down and slowly slid his closed parasol into the room, trying to mimic how a snake might move. It only took a moment more before Keito noticed, scrambling backwards as he saw the movement from the corner of his eyes, stopping only when he heard Rei’s laughter.
“You fall for that every time,” Rei stood from his hiding place and walked into the room. He put his parasol and school bag by the door and threw himself onto the floor by Keito’s feet.
“Because there’s lots of snakes in the woods out there,” The boy huffed, readjusting his glasses. “Why did you leave all of the sudden yesterday?”
“You noticed?” Rei looked up at him. “Figured you didn’t want me around if your friend was here. You always make him sound so delicate.”
“You’re my friend, too.” Keito shoved his heel into Rei’s side, not enough to hurt but enough to be uncomfortable. “Are you seriously upset that I have other friends? I’m not exactly popular at school as it is.”
When Keito said it like that, it did make Rei sound a little unreasonable. “You can have as many friends as you want. You deserve all the friends. Everyone should be Kei-kun’s friend.” Rei pushed his foot out of his ribcage. “But yesterday, your friend kept clinging onto you and just staring at me. You should ask him if he doesn’t want you to have other friends.”
“I’m the only person our age that Eichi’s ever been around. He’s almost always in the hospital or stuck at home. I don’t think he really knows how to act around other kids.” Keito explained. “Sometimes I talk about you to him and he said he wanted to meet you since you’re my friend.”
“Oh? What do you say about me?” Rei propped himself up on his elbows and smiled at the ten year old. “That I’m a musical genius? Orrr, that I’m a scary blood-sucking monster that you can’t help but be drawn to?”
“That you’re annoying,” Keito’s face turned a little pink, and he turned his head to the side to try and hide it. “I’m not going to tell you if you’re going to be weird.”
“What’s weird? You’re being weird.” Rei sat all the way up and stared right at the boy with a smirk. There was no way that Keito’s friend could know how to tease him like he did. “Kei~to, Why did your heart start beating really fast when I said that?”
“Shut up,” Keito stood abruptly and started packing up his unfinished homework. “I have to finish my chores. You should probably go.”
“I should?” Rei replied, getting up all the same. He wasn’t in the mood to actually make Keito mad.
“Are you coming back tomorrow?” Keito asked quietly, hands still over his bag. “You haven’t been coming as much.”
“Is your “Eichi” coming tomorrow?”
“Maybe. I don’t think grandfather had finished making all the arrangements with his family today.” The younger one said.
“Then that’s a no.” Rei picked up his own bag and parasol, opting to make his exit through Keito’s window. He probably wouldn’t have been spotted if he left the same way he came in, but leaving through the window looked cooler. Keito’s friend probably couldn't do something like that. “But we’re still on for Vampire Shogun on Friday, right?”
“Is your mom going to be there?” Keito countered. “And don’t say my friend is worse than your mom. Eichi’s never made me feel like my life was in danger.”
“I can’t control if she’s at home or not,” Rei sighed as he slung one leg through the window. “She’s not going to do anything, I think she likes you more than she likes me. But maybe I’ll sneak in when it’s dark again.” He dropped his parasol and bag on the ground below him before disappearing fully through the window.
As time went on, Rei kept to his word and would sneak in through Keito’s window every so often. Eventually, it would become the only times he would see Keito anymore. It became more and more inconvenient to visit the temple from any other direction, as now a small group of people had begun to constantly wait around for him to arrive so that they could ask for his advice.
Now barely fourteen, Rei had long grown tired of having people come to him with any sort of problem, gripping his sleeves and begging for help. As a child it was kind of validating that so many people sought his advice, but now, it was just a pain. And of course he would help them, if he could, as much as he could. He couldn’t say no even if he tried.
Despite looking like a street punk and speaking with rough words laced with aggression, he couldn’t say no if someone came to him in need. Each request, each plea, it would grate at his insides, chipping away at something inside of him bit after bit. Those people, those fanatics, didn't care about him, they just cared about the words that he said and the results they brought. Annoying.
Keito, too, thought of Rei as something other , something above , even if he had stopped saying it to Rei long ago, he knew that was still how the younger boy saw him. Keito, at least, very rarely asked anything of him anymore, only really asking when he would be coming again.
Maybe two in the morning was too late to stop by to visit your oldest friend, but here he was, climbing though the window that Keito never locked. He was already in the neighborhood after a night out, and in a hunger-induced state he found himself at the temple. The room was dark, of course, and Keito had fallen asleep long ago. After dragging his guitar case in the window behind him and setting it down on the floor, Rei slid next to Keito on the futon.
“Bouzu, yer room’s too cold,” Rei huffed, pulling the lone sheet onto himself.
Keito had always been a light sleeper, so he began to stir at the sound of Rei’s voice. “Sakuma, you…” his brow furrowed and he turned over to face the older boy. “…you smell like cigarettes.”
“I was at the live house again.” Rei shrugged.
“What time is it?” Keito turned over and fumbled for his glasses. “Why are you here so late?”
“If ya didn’t want me here, ya wouldn’t’ve left yer window unlocked,” Rei hummed, wrapping himself fully in Keito’s sheet now. It smelled much better than the lingering smell of cigarettes and alcohol did, and it was a much more preferable scent to bring back home.
“You don’t come by anymore. And I forgot.” Keito put his glasses on clumsily. “You look paler than normal.”
“Thanks, y’look good too.” He smirked. “Aren’t ya happy to see me? Ya used to be so cute, yanno, always callin’ “Rei-chan, Rei-chan,—“
“And you used to not talk like such a delinquent,” Keito countered. “Do I even want to know what you’ve been getting up to lately?”
“Found some friends to play music with. Got asked to attend an audition-only school. The usual. Also,” Rei reached out a hand to Keito’s neck, running his long fingers from behind his ear down to his shoulder. “Starving.”
“No.” Keito immediately batted his hand away.
“Why?” Rei laughed, sitting up to swing a leg over Keito’s and staring down at the younger boy. “Y’always let me when I’m hungry. Ya want me to wither away into nothing?”
“Because I don’t want to,” Keito tried to sit up himself but found that he was trapped. “Tell me about the school you got invited to.”
“I’ll tell ya if ya let me have a taste,” Rei said as he leaned his head closer to Keito’s ear. “Or d’ya not want me that close to ya anymore?”
“I said no,” In a rare display of strength, Keito pushed Rei back as hard as he could, making the older boy almost fall onto his back. “I know you have other people you do this with and that your mom has bags of blood at your house so you aren’t actually starving. I know you’re just doing this to mess with me and I hate it. So please. Stop.”
“…’kay.” Rei straightened himself up.
Keito wasn’t wrong about what he said, for the most part. His mom did have bagged blood from god knows where in the fridge but it was sometimes a chore to drink something so old and flavorless (not that blood fresh from someone’s body tasted much better to him, but as something he needed to survive, he’d pick the fresher option when he could). There were a few people he had met at the live house that he could sneak drinks from, but more often than not, he would have to wait to find someone there who was too drunk to even notice what was going on.
Keito was right, Rei did enjoy messing with him. But he liked being close to him, too. Clearly, he was the only one that felt that way.
“I’m sorry, but you keep doing things like this even when I ask you to stop.” Keito continued, despite Rei no longer making any advances. “You’ve changed so much the past year or two and it’s weird. I don’t ever see you unless you want something from me. If you’re my friend, you wouldn’t do that.”
Rei’s chest hurt from where Keito had pushed him, but he had let him push him. They both knew that Rei was much stronger. “Of course I’m yer friend!” Rei wanted to shout angrily. If he wasn’t a friend, then he could have just ignored him, pushed Keito back onto his futon, and drink until he was content.
He could do it. Keito couldn’t stop him.
His fingers twitched.
It took a lot more than usual to snap out of that more primal mindset he drifted into when he was weak and starving. He really hated that about himself. All the more reason to feel on a different level than Keito. Other . Like a monster . Without a word, he stood up and grabbed his guitar case.
“You’re just going?” Keito asked. Rei wanted to scream. Usually being fussed at and lectured meant he was supposed to leave.
“‘M going.” Rei shrugged.
“You…don’t have to.” Keito’s eyes turned away from Rei. “Thank you for stopping.”
“Y’were pretty clear about it.”
“Next time, will you come back when I’m actually awake?” The younger asked.
“Don’t go to bed so early, bouzu.” Rei said, attempting a smile as he slowly lowered his guitar onto the ground outside Keito’s room. “It’s Yumenosaki, by the way. That’s where I got scouted to.”
“Oh. Really?” Keito seemed genuinely interested, which was a little strange to Rei.
“What, you’ve actually heard of it?” Rei blinked, halting his own passage through the window. “Didn’t think ya were into the whole idol thing. Ya gonna be my biggest fan? Buy my bromides?”
“I didn’t think you were into the idol thing.” Keito countered. “That’s where Eichi wants to go, he won’t shut up about it. He’s trying to make me audition, too.”
Ah, it had been a long time since Rei had that annoying pain in his stomach that seemed to happen whenever Keito mentioned Eichi.
“Ya better get in, then, so ya can actually see me when yer awake.” Rei swung his legs through the window.
“Sakuma, you…” Keito moved forward a bit. “…you really don’t look the best right now, so…if you really need to do it, you can. Bite me. For a second.”
Rei didn’t know why Keito was suddenly changing his mind and he was too tired to ask. If he didn’t want him to go, he could have said that. If he wanted Rei to be close, he could have said that.
But he wasn’t saying that.
Even though he was starving, Rei didn’t think he could keep anything down right then if he tried.
“Goodnight, bouzu.” He said as he dropped down onto the ground outside.
Finally unlocking the door to his house after struggling for a solid two minutes with his shaking hands, Rei was starting to regret not taking Keito up on his offer. It had been far too long since he was able to find someone to drink from (safely, without fear of them thinking it was more than him getting a little nippy during a makeout session). He could probably turn around, head right back out to find someone else wandering the streets alone so late at night, but…he hated doing that, and he was just too mentally exhausted to make himself. He could hold out one more day. He’d have to.
As he headed towards the stairs, he saw the faint glow of the television in the living room, illuminating Ritsu curled up on the couch, eyes not really focused on whatever was on the screen. He perked up slightly at the sight of Rei, but only enough to lift his head a bit.
“You look really bad.” Ritsu stated, following Rei with his eyes as he sat down at the other end of the couch, pushing his legs out of the way.
“Yeah.” Rei sighed, leaning back into the couch. “Y’not goin; to school tomorrow either?”
“Hurts.” Ritsu said simply.
“Hmm.” Rei just nodded. “Did Isara-kun stop by today?”
“He did,” Ritsu shifted his position slightly. “He says our teacher was asking if I was okay.”
“What are ya going to do?”
“Dunno. Maa-kun wants me to try harder but…” Ritsu’s breath hitched in his throat. “I am trying. He doesn’t get it. I keep explaining it to him and he knows about us but he just doesn’t get it .”
“I know,” Rei sighed again, watching his little brother try not to cry. “M’sorry.”
“Maybe we should just stop trying to be normal. Maybe we should go out right now and just kill the first person we see.” The hurt in Ritsu’s voice was replaced with anger. “I bet I can tolerate the daytime better if I know what it’s like to feel full.”
“Ritsu.” Rei pulled the other boy closer, wrapping him up in a hug. “We’re not doin’ that.”
“Why?” Ritsu’s voice was full of spite, though he didn’t try to pull away. Rei knew his anger wasn’t directed at him. “‘Cause mom would get mad? Who cares. If she cared about us she would let us. She gets to drink from people.”
Rei didn’t argue with him, not only because he knew Ritsu just needed to vent, but because he was right. He didn’t think that it was fair that just because their mother was centuries older she had the right to tell them they couldn’t feed like she could. Not that actually killing someone was something he especially wanted to do, but even the small sips he could take from people at the live house were technically against her rules.
“We’re not killin’ anyone.” Rei said, exhaustion coating his voice. “Come with me to the live house tomorrow night. I’ll make sure ya can eat.” He hoped Ritsu would say no, he really didn’t want him around some of those people. Rei could use his charm and roughness to fit in with the mostly-adult crowd that frequented the live house and the streets around it, but Ritsu was so much more reserved and quiet and would probably be overwhelmed the second they arrived.
“…do you ever get scared?” Ritsu’s voice was suddenly small. “That one day you’ll be with someone and just…lose control?” He looked up at Rei. “Aside from you, Maa-kun is all I have, and…if I ever…”
“Yer not gonna hurt Isara-kun.” The older said firmly. This wasn’t the first time they had this conversation. Rei loved his little brother dearly but there was only so much he could say to try to reassure him before it started to get frustrating. The fact that he had the same fear about losing control with Keito not even an hour earlier probably didn’t help. Of course he would do anything to try and make Ritsu feel better, but he was starting to get antsy to lock himself in his room and just be completely alone. “Yer not, okay? Ya like him too much.”
Ritsu seemed to be placated by this, at least for the moment. “Onii-chan gets it.” He mumbled.
Of course Rei got it. He had to. If he didn’t get it, Ritsu would be in an even worse state, never leaving his room at all. He had to make sure Ritsu at least tried. He had to tell Ritsu that Mao not stopping by one out of every ten days wasn’t the end of the world. He had to force Ritsu to drink the gross bagged blood from the fridge so that he would have the strength to stand. Rei was the only one who could do these things, the only one who ever did, no matter how much of a strain on him it had started to become. Mao certainly tried his best to be a good friend to Ritsu, but there were some things he would just never fully understand.
“If you were out, why didn’t you bite anyone?” Ritsu finally asked after a long moment of silence. “I can tell you’re starving.”
“Tired.” Rei shrugged. “Didn’t want to try.” He took Ritsu’s calmer tone as his cue to be able to stand up and start heading towards his room. He should probably try to sleep, he thought to himself, but staying up until sunrise losing himself in his violin sounded like a much better plan.
“One of us has to try,” Ritsu told him. “Or else we’ll both just stay here forever.”
“I know,” Rei didn’t pause, he continued up the stairs and into his room, locking the door behind him. His legs suddenly felt incredibly unsteady and he sunk to the floor, a weak groan escaping his lips.
Keito, Ritsu and the rest of his family, those that came to him for help, the untalented jerks he played with at the livehouse, his own hunger…Rei was so incredibly tired of it all.