Work Text:
As far as he can remember, Dazai has always tried his best. He tried to follow the rules when he had some to not be punished, he always listened to Kouyou, he even tried to be less mean with Chuuya. But he always knew that Mori didn't care about that. He knew that becuse he refused to be the newt boss of the Mafia, Mori will make his life like hell. And he was right.
When Odasaku died, Dazai didn't talk to anyone, not even to Kouyou or Hirotsu. He was in his little room all day and get out at night to go to Lupin. He met Ango there, but too soon, Ango stopped coming. He was alone at the bar, his whiskey in his hand and his eyes looking at nothing, his brain replaying again and again all his memories with Odasaku. When he learned that Mori was behing his best friend's death, he wanted to kill him. But he couldn't. He promised Odasaku to be a good person.
Instead, he started to leave all of his friends, all of his confidents, all of his collegues. But Mori continued to make his life like hell. /Everybody/ could tell that the brunette was not okay, worse than usual. And then, finally, he could leave the mafia. He was sad to do it, he grew up there, with Kouyou and Hirotsu, even if he never showed it and was mean, he really liked Akutagawa. But it was for the best. Mori was killing him little by little. He needed to go. And he met Fukuzawa, and now he works at the Agency. But now that the mafia and the ADA work together, all of the memories come back each time he sees Mori.
Dark room. Small, damp, old blood scent, he could still hear the screams of terror and plea. He remembered Mori's smile when he hit him or when he humiliated him. He remember every little mean word, every punch. He remembered all the time he passed crying, begging, screaming. At this time of his life, he just wanted Mori to kill him. He couldn't take any word or punch anymore. He was angry at himself because he will die in this room without having been able to respect his promise.
He still hates himself. Every day, Mori's words cross his mind and he can't do anything to stop that. He can only take all the negative words and cry when he's alone in his appartment. He hurt himself to shut the words, but they always come back, harder and stronger and meaner.
He often wakes up after a nightmare in the middle of the night. And this night is not an exception. He's sweating and crying, his head is spinning and he swears his ankles and wrists hurt.
He was in the room /again/. The light was on and Mori was looking at him with his little smile. He couldn't move because his ankles and wrists were chained up.
" It's you're fault if Oda-san is dead, Dazai. You couldn't protect him. You're just useless, you were made to be evil, to hurt and kill people. You will always hurt people. No one will ever stay with you. "
/ It's you're fault if Oda-san is dead, Dazai. /
/ You were made to be evil, to hurt and kill people. /
It's true. He always hurt everyone. He will soon hurt his new friends and he will be alone /again/.
But he didn't kill Odasaku. It was Mori's fault.
Shaking and crying, he didn't even move when he hears a groan and when red hair appear from hunder the cover.
" Dazai ? "
He can only let a little "hmm" out his mouth. He feels arms around his waist and he soon has his head on a warm torso. A little hand starts playing with his hair and he feels himself relaxing.
" I'm here, don't worry. "
He doesn't answer and holds his boyfriend /tight/.
" Don't leave me, Chuuya... "
" I will not, don't worry. "
He looks up at his boyfriend who takes off his tears with his thumbs and smiles softly, reassured and feeling /safe/ in the redhead's arms.
" I love you, Chuuya. "
" And I love you too. Now, sleep, you have work tomorrow. "
Dazai places his head and Chuuya's shoulder, his nose close enough to the redhead's neck so he can smell his scent and right now, right there, he feels happy, safe, loved, and Mori's words and actions can't do anything to him because he has Chuuya, and Chuuya will always love and protects him.