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Gordon was a sun. He was loud, explosive, dynamic and ever changing. He would burn you if you looked at him too long, yet he was magnetic- it was like the world revolved around him and really, if you believed whatever philosophy that was like “oh, whatever you see is the only thing you can confirm is real”, the world did revolve around Gordon! Because… well. Barney’s world revolved around Gordon. Barney’s world was Gordon
Barney sighed, thinking- a little too much. Sometimes, Gordon was… cruel. Sometimes he’d treat Barney, this hypothetical moon, like he was the most amazing thing, the kindest, most perfect person in the world. Sometimes he’d treat Barney like garbage, like Barney didn’t even deserve the time of day just because he was upset that his coworker was being dumb. It was exhausting. Being friends with him during this was bearable… but becoming romantically involved just made Barney want to cry.
Maybe that’s why he finally broke down.
Maybe that’s why it reached its tipping point- which led to Barney, crying on the floor while Gordon stood there, saying nothing. His face was emotionless and his single eye blank. Barney wasn’t a sensitive person, he could take cruelty and bullying and teasing to the point it made him seriously question his mental health, but it was different with Gordon. Barney needed Gordon to like him, he needed his approval and… he needed to feel loved. That was the point, wasn’t it? Of telling Gordon how he felt?
Gordon got onto his knees, opening his arms up like a mirror of that day on the couch- and Barney lunged forward, sobbing into Gordon’s shoulder as Gordon held him close, “I’m sorry.” he would say, “I’m so, so sorry.” he would repeat, over and over. Gordon mentally chastised himself as he buried his face into Barney’s shoulder, trying to give him the love he deserved.
Gordon wasn’t meant to love, he wasn’t meant to have someone to hold close and protect, he wasn’t meant to open up and yet he loved. He loved no matter how much he tried not to, Barney would be there to open up his rotten, blackened heart and find home and solace in the tar.
Barney sighed after a while, his cheeks still tearstained but drying. Gordon pulled away, looking away from his partner from guilt. Barney put his hand on Gordon’s cheek, forcing eye contact. “We can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep doing this.”
“I know.”
“You… we- we need to get help. You need help.” Barney knew when things were too much, and if this argument was enough to make him cry (which he didn’t do often), it was too much. He needed therapy, he needed help and-
“I’m fine.” Gordon insisted, burying his face in Barney’s hand.
Barney kissed him on the forehead, a soft frown on his face. “We can work on it.”