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When the idea was first suggested, Castiel didn't know what to do with it. After his students started getting excited about it and continued to pester him, he figured he could at least take it to his supervisor and see what she had to say.
Naomi was a very strict woman, with hair always tied back in a slick, tight bun and lips that were always pressed together thinly. Newer teachers were always wary of her, walking on tiptoes around her and agreeing mightily to anything she said. She'd been Cas' supervisor since he'd started teaching seven years ago, so he knew her well enough to not be so frightened anymore.
"Apparently," he told her, sitting comfortably in the leather chair in front of her desk, "the high school has some kind of affiliation with schools in Europe, and the language students get paired with a pen pal for the year. Daniel's older sister writes to a girl in Italy - this was all his idea, you know. And once he mentioned it, everyone started going absolutely crazy... They are all very taken with the idea, and I think it would be a wonderful way for them to improve their writing."
Naomi stayed silent for a moment, mulling it over in her head. She slipped her glasses off her nose and set them carefully atop a stack of manila folders. "I don't see why not." She said eventually, beginning to flip through some papers, "If the high school has affiliates, it shouldn't be hard for us to branch off of that."
It took two weeks to sort out the rest of the details, and then Cas was standing at the front of his classroom, watching his students file slowly into the room, hanging coats on hangers and setting lunchboxes in cubbies before finally taking their seats. Winter Break was slowly approaching and he could tell they were all getting anxious to be done with school for now. He hoped that this new pen pal project would keep them subdued for the next few days.
"Okay guys, I've got some really awesome news."
"Can we do the pen pals?" Daniel asked, as he had every morning for the past three weeks. The question had lost the enthusiasm it had once contained, now sounding like he was just barely wanting to hope for it. Cas grinned.
"Actually... Yes."
Seventeen pairs of eyes stared back at him in shock for half a second before everyone started talking over each other, squealing and cheering, asking questions way too fast and way too loud for Cas to be able to decipher. He held up his hands. "Whoa whoa whoa! Guys! Come on..." He waited for the classroom to quiet once more. "Thank you... Alright. Let me explain everything first and then, when I'm done, you can raise your hands for any other questions."
He reiterated the details Naomi had given him the night before, wording everything a bit more simply than she had, so that the eleven year olds before him would understand easier.
There wasn't much to it, really. First and foremost was a permission slip he had to hand to every student to be signed by parents so that the school had permission for the students to be contacting some random strangers. After that was explained, the only thing to really talk about was who would be writing to whom. Cas had been given a list of names and corresponding mailing addresses.
They were in correspondence with a private school in England; replies would be sent to the school for both convenience and so that the kids wouldn't have to give out their personal addresses. Every week or so, they would take time out of the English part of the day so that the students could read their letters and respond. It was pretty simple, but if he were being honest, Castiel was kind of nervous to see how this would actually turn out.
He proceeded to put the list of potential pen pals beneath a projector, so the names shone against the wall. As Alan (the designated light switch operator for the term) turned out the lights, Cas grabbed a cup full of Popsicle sticks that each bore the name of a student, used for when he did random group assignments and such.
As he called out names, each student picked someone off the list they wanted to be their pen pal. Some chose based solely on names (Emily chose a girl whose last name was "Andrew" because that was her older brother's name). Others picked based on the number corresponding with the names, and some students, like Kara and George, did a round of "Eenie Meenie Miny Moe".
"Mr. Novak?" Tommy asked from the back row as Cas began putting away Popsicle sticks, "Are you gonna write to someone, too?"
Cas turned off the projector and unhooked all the cords as he worked out how to answer the question. "Well... It would be a little bit inappropriate for an adult to write to a kid that they don't know... Besides, there's no one left on the list."
"What about their teacher?" Cierra prompted, hand only half raised, "maybe they want a pen pal too!"
"Yeah, and then we'll all be doing it!"
"It's not fair that we get to do this and you don't."
"Especially 'cuz you're the reason we get to do this anyway!"
"C'mon Mr. Novak!"
Cas laughed, walking behind his desk to glance at the lesson plan for the rest of the day. "Ok, ok. I'll contact their teacher and we'll be pen pals too, okay? For now, let's move on to math..."
The dramatic groans he received in response made him grin even wider.
December 17, 2007
Castiel -
Are we even on a first name basis yet? Is there a basis for this? I feel like it'd be weirder to call you Mr. Novak, as I assume we're close to the same age?
How does someone even write a letter to someone they don't even know? The kids seem to be having no problem with it at all- they're just writing away as though they've know each other for years. I guess we just, like, introduce ourselves? Talk about our lives? I'm not very good at talking about myself too much, and it's a little weird writing to someone I've never met but I mean, who knows, this could be pretty cool, right?
Do I just ask you questions about yourself? How old are you, do you have any siblings, what do you teach, where do you live? That's small talk stuff and I don't know about you but I hate small talk.
My friend Jo is a small talk GOD. She can talk to anyone about anything for hours if she has to. She works at her mom's bar though, so I guess it kind of comes with the territory.
I really don't know how to end this but I'm guessing this is getting kind of long and pointless so I'll stop it here and ask you this:
How do you feel about small talk Castiel?
-Dean Winchester
They first compiled to their students' wishes (demands, really) and wrote back and forth when the kids did. That lasted for about four or five letters, until they exchanged emails, both thinking it'd be a lot more convenient for them.
Dean Winchester was from America. His father was in the military, so his family moved around a lot while he was growing up. They had been stationed in England for four years when Dean had graduated high school at seventeen and his father retired soon after, moving the family back to their hometown of Lawrence, Kansas. Dean had stayed behind in Europe, having already been accepted into a university there and feeling more at home in the foreign country, anyway.
He was twenty eight (two years younger than Castiel) and despite having lived in England for fifteen years, he did not have any type of accent, although he had picked up on the slang. Castiel also learned that Dean has a brother currently living in California, soon to be engaged to a girlfriend of four years. His parents are both still in Kansas and doing well - his dad had opened an auto repair shop after retiring and his mother did a lot of volunteer work.
He learned that this was Dean's last year teaching in England. This summer he was finally coming back home and he was equal parts excited and terrified.
In return, Dean learned about how unusual all of this was for Cas. How really, other than students and close friends and family, he was absolutely horrible at talking to people. And how even with those closest to him, he was bad at responding to things like messages and phone calls.
He learned of Cas' two brothers and his sister, that Cas lived in Ohio, and had done so his whole life. That the only sibling he was really close to was Gabriel, although he still talked to Michael and Anna fairly regularly.
Dean was the one to ask about the meaning of his name, which surprised Cas (not many people knew that it was an angel he was named after) and Cas proceeded to tell Dean of his strict catholic upbringing, accidentally talking about how his coming out nearly tore his family apart (accidentally, because Cas really didn't have any intention of telling Dean but it all just sort of... came out and after he wrote it, he really didn't want to take it back.)
He then told of the long years of silence between he and his father, until it was decided that Cas wasn't going to be disowned, but that the matter of his sexuality would never be spoken of again.
Cas had never been interested in Sci-Fi things as a kid, but when Dean spent three and a half paragraphs talking about the brilliance of Han Solo and Harrison Ford, Cas spent the weekend marathoning Star Wars and writing to Dean after each movie ended.
Dean ranted about his supervisors, and raved about how proud he was of his brother. He wrote in fond tones about all of the things he loved the most and missed terribly about his mother.
One time, when Cas was miserable with a fever that would not break and a migraine that gave him horrible nausea, Dean gave him strict instructions to put on as many layers of clothing that he could, and then wrap himself in a blanket. It sounds extremely uncomfortable and you're going to sweat like crazy, but give it an hour, tops, and the fever will break perfectly.
He was right, much to Castiel's dismay, and after the fever was gone Dean sent him the recipe for his mother's "world famous" chicken soup.
February 14, 2008
I don't know about you, Cas, but I really hate Valentine's Day.
And it's not even because of the whole "no one to spend it with" thing. It's just such a stupid holiday, honestly.
Why do you need a specific day to be nice to someone you claim to love? Why do you need a specific day for chocolate and flowers and presents?
And why is it that everyone expects guys to get girls something, but girls are never expected to get guys anything?
Society, man. It's fucking stupid.
February 14, 2008
I cannot tell you just how much I agree with that statement. As someone who doesn't really celebrate any holiday, I think Valentine's Day shouldn't even be considered as such.
The students are having a blast, though. The entire classroom is covered in pink and red hearts that they cut out the other day when the weather was too bad to go outside for recess.
Save me.
At one point, they had exchanged phone numbers. However, it became clear almost immediately that they were both happier with emailing each other. Texting was... tedious. They were both on their computers more than they were on their phones. It was a lot harder to send long messages in a text than it was for email, and anyway, Dean liked to write insanely complex subject lines to accompany the emails, and you couldn't do that with a text, either.
It nagged at Cas sometimes, though. He'd open up his contacts and there would be Dean's name, staring back at him. It would be so easy to just press his name and call him. To hear him laugh at Cas' bitter remarks and learn the contours of his voice as he sighed and hummed. He wanted to hear the pride and love that was sure to grace Dean's voice as he spoke of his brother. The tiredness that accompanied it after a long day.
When he found his fingers hovering over Dean's name, he shook himself and sighed, turning his phone off for a while and finding something to distract himself.
February 29, 2008
I told the students today about leaving at the end of term and I swear, seeing all their faces drop like that is enough to make me want to stay.
March 05, 2008
I apologize for being absent the past few days. I got into a minor car accident the other day.
Before you freak out, like I know you're probably already doing, I promise I am completely fine. I had a minor concussion and some serious neck and back pain, but I'm ok.
My phone was destroyed though, and because my personal computer is at the repair shop, and I was forbidden to return to the school for the rest of the week, I had no way to contact you until now.
The pain medicine makes me very sleepy, and I'm quite tired now. Gabriel just brought me this new phone, and I wanted to let you know what was going on before I went back to sleep.
March 21, 2008
I think the weirdest thing about coming back is going to be remembering to drive on the other side of the road.
April 02, 2008
Emily found a little blackbird outside today. The bird's right wing is wounded and it can't fly, but she is determined to nurse it back to health. I found an old shoebox in a supply closet (please don't ask me why there was a shoebox in there, because I have no idea) and we've transferred the bird from the sidewalk to the box for the day.
She's going to take it home with her, and bring it back on Monday.
I guess we have a class pet now?
Cas had no idea what he was doing. He was talking to this stranger (yes, stranger because no matter how much he actually knew about Dean, they had never actually met) and he was enjoying it far too much. He got way too happy when he saw an email pop into his inbox, more often than not dropping whatever he was doing to read and reply right then and there.
"It's insane isn't it? Am I insane?" He demanded one day, walking without preamble through Gabriel's front door. "I mean, I talk to this guy more than I talk to my family."
"Your family is a made up of a bunch of assholes," Gabe pointed out, barely glancing up from the paperwork he was filling out at his desk.
Castiel took a seat on the couch. "Well, yeah... But that isn't the point." There was silence for a few minutes as Castiel worked through his thoughts, "What am I even doing?"
"Bothering me, mostly."
Cas glared at the back of his brother's head until Gabriel sighed and turned around. "What do you want me to tell you, Castiel? You're in love with a guy you've never met before and every other week you come in here asking the same questions that I don't have answers to. Why don't you just tell the guy already?"
Cas scoffed. "That's... You're funny. That's funny, Gabriel, really."
Gabe shrugged his shoulders, "I don't know what else you want me to say... The guy's coming home in what? Like two months? You'll meet him soon enough, I don't see what the big deal is."
The big deal was that there was no actual possible way that Castiel was in love with someone he'd never met before. The big deal was that he liked the friendship he and Dean had built up so far. He liked the connection they shared, the happiness he felt whenever Dean's name popped up on his phone. The big deal was that he didn't want to ruin any of that when it was working so well the way it was now.
Castiel said nothing and eventually Gabriel rolled his eyes and turned back to his work.
April 13, 2008
I just really want to fucking meet you already why the hell hasn't that happened yet
April 14, 2008
Fuck, Cas, I'm sorry. I was so drunk last night.
April 14, 2008
I'm impressed with your ability to type clearly while intoxicated. Don't forget to drink water. And take ibuprofen, not Tylenol.
They never talked about it. The idea of meeting Dean terrified Cas for countless reasons, and he really would rather pretend that Dean had never said anything, than talk about potentially meeting. Dean seemed to be going along with whatever Cas was doing, so he never brought it up, either.
The thought weighed on his mind every single day. Dean wanted to meet Cas. Of course Cas wanted to meet Dean as well, but there was just too much that could go wrong. Way too much.
There was no point in meeting, anyway, because Dean would be going back to Kansas, and Cas was still in Chicago so though they would be in the same country, they'd still be too far apart.
Too far to do anything but talk.
Gabriel called him an idiot and Cas didn't even try to refute it.
"Did that car accident make you even more stupid Castiel? I mean, seriously. He wants to meet you. You want to meet him. You guys are both in love with each other. What more do you want? What is it that's keeping you from doing this?"
Cas was tired of trying to explain it, because he couldn't even explain it clearly to himself. "There's just... No point, Gabriel. Really. He's going to Kansas when he comes back. Meeting just seems like... Like there's a possibility for more. And there's not. So what would the point be except for both of us to leave disappointed and unnecessarily sad." And everything would be ruined.
As far as Cas was concerned, it was perfect the way it was now.
May 02, 2008
I have to thank you.
Which probably sounds really weird and you're probably sitting there like "what the heck are you thanking me for I'm a million miles away right now"
And I reply: I'm thanking you because I had the shittiest day of all shitty days today. I really don't want to talk about it and right now I kind of just want to drink until I pass out but before I did that I had to thank you because it's Sammy's birthday today, and I had the worst case of homesickness (I guess familysickness since technical I am home) and then on top of that it was like the whole universe was working against me today.
And as I'm pissed off and discouraged, kicking my shoes off as I walk through the door I pull out my phone and I read the last message you sent. The story about Garret and the apple juice, and of Zeke and the marshmallows... I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in my lifetime.
And it was really nice, to have a good laugh after such a bad day. It's still a bad day, but you made it better for a little bit, so thank you.
May 12, 2008
Michael called me today. Apparently my parents would like all of us to take a trip this summer. He said something about Germany, or Australia.
I can barely get through a dinner with my father, how am I supposed to go away for a week with him?
I can't exactly say no, either.
May 18, 2008
My flight has officially been booked for June 13th.
I'm flying from London to New York, and then from New York to California.
It happened that my parents will be there that weekend helping Sammy and Jess move to their new place, so it just makes sense that that's where I should fly in to. After we finish helping Sam, we're heading back to Kansas.
Have I mentioned I hate flying? With an absolute passion? I don't know how I'm going to handle two separate planes.
May 18, 2008
I'm sure you'll be more than fine, Dean.
Remember, more people die from car accidents than plane crashes. And I think I read somewhere that you're more likely to be struck by lightning than to die in a plane crash as well.
May 19, 2008
Remember how we talked about how you should learn to lie a bit more often?
This is definitely one of those times, dude.
(For the record, your fun facts did not make me feel better.)
May 26, 2008
Instead of actual teaching today, I sat on my desk as the kids asked an endless stream of questions about middle school.
It seems like almost all of them are terrified of the transition, and I can't really blame them. I fear I may not have helped as much as they wanted, though; they all seemed even sadder after the conversation ended.
So I reminded them of the apple juice incident, and we spent the rest of class talking about our favorite things to happen this year.
Marcus said his favorite was the Pen Pal project. Everyone quickly agreed with him, and Daniel boasted about how it was all thanks to him.
I have to say, I agree with him, too.
June 06, 2008
Today was my last day teaching here.
It's been a very emotional day.
A bunch of my coworkers are taking me out for drinks and stuff. I guess it's like a little farewell party.
I really just want to go home and sleep, but I'm gonna go with them. It's a nice gesture and probably the last time I'll see any of them, too.
It's been a long day.
Cas was at dinner with Gabriel when his phone went off, alerting him of a text message. Confused, because he never got texts from anyone other than The brother currently sitting across from him, he set down his fork and pulled his phone from his pocket.
His eyes widened when he saw the message was from Dean, and he set his phone on the table beside his plate, heart hammering wildly in his chest. He didn't know why he was so scared- they had texted before. But after receiving the email earlier saying he'd be drinking tonight, Cas wasn't sure he really wanted to see what the message said.
Especially after the last time Dean drunk messaged him.
Gabriel looked at Cas curiously, eyebrows raised to his hairline and mouth open as if to ask a question when Cas' phone went off again. The screen lit up, telling him he now had two messages from Dean. Gabriel saw it too, doing a quick calculation in his head.
"It's... what, midnight there? One?"
Cas nodded and clenched his hand in a fist to stop its shaking.
Gabriel reached over and took Cas' phone as it went off yet another time. Cas didn't even bother to protest as he watched Gabe unlock his phone, fingers moving with practiced ease. He searched his brother's face as Gabe read the messages, waiting for a reaction but Gabriel didn't give him one.
He locked the phone and slid it back to Cas before continuing to eat.
"What?" Cas demanded, frustrated. He couldn't yet tell whether no reaction was good or bad. "Gabriel, what did he say?"
"See for yourself."
Annoyed now at his brother's childish actions, Cas snatched up his phone and unlocked it quickly, opening his messaging app.
I love you
Fuck. That wasn't me. Charlie got ahold of my phone and she's freaking hammered right now and thought it would be funny to text you.
Shit I'm sorry.
Cas stared at his phone, trying to figure out how he was supposed to feel, and how he actually did feel. When he read the first message... He was pretty sure his heart dropped to the floor. And then at the second, it crawled right up into his throat.
How the hell was he supposed to respond? "Haha Charlie's a riot when she's drunk."
Why would she think it was funny to text Cas and tell him Dean loved him?
What the hell kind of person would think that was funny?
Cas was startled from his thoughts when his phone started ringing, Dean's name and number flashing on the screen. He stared at the object in his hands.
"Are you going to answer it?" Gabriel asked, his voice prompting Castiel to do so.
"I... Should I?"
It kept ringing as Gabriel looked at him like he was an idiot for a few more seconds before standing and leaving the room. Before he knew what he was doing, he pressed the answer button and took a breath, bringing the phone to his ear.
"I..." he cleared his throat, trying to will his heart to beat a little slower. "Dean?"
"Cas?" A voice breathed, low and surprised and wow... So that's what Dean's voice sounded like. He was feeling too many things to know what to focus on. Cas licked his dry lips.
"Um... Yeah." What was he supposed to say? Dean laughed, a little dryly, and Cas' heart jumped at the sound. And then Dean was talking. Fast. Too fast for Cas to keep up.
"I'm sorry about um... about Charlie. She has this really weird sense of humor that takes some time to get used to and when she saw that I wasn't drinking she brought up what uh... what happened last time. And she thought I wasn't drinking because I didn't want to accidentally send you something else and when I told her that wasn't it she called bullshit and then she took my phone and sent that and said something about like 'there I did it for you now you can have fun' and I'm really sorry I really need to change my password..."
Cas' throat felt like it was getting smaller and smaller; his voice came out sounding strangled, "She um... Did it for you?"
A strained silence fell between them for a few minutes.
"Um... Yeah... Yeah, she did."
Cas closed his eyes at Dean's response, blowing out a breath slowly. The silence on Dean's end was expectant, waiting for Cas to say something but Cas had no idea what to say. This was such a train wreck of a conversation. He really wished Gabriel was still in the room.
A few more seconds of silence and his chance was gone, the moment broken when a loud chorus of people started talking at once, calling for Dean. The voices got louder and closer, and Cas could make out enough that told him Dean was still out with his coworkers, probably at some bar.
"Guys, come on, stop..."
Cas finally found his voice, too late of course, but he couldn't change that now. "No, Dean, go... Go ahead. Go be with your friends."
"Are you sure?" Dean sounded like he wanted to do anything but end the conversation, but there wasn't really much else to say, was there?
"Yes, of course. I'll-" he didn't let himself finish. Dean waited a few seconds before saying hesitantly, hopefully:
"Alright... Um. I'll talk to you later?"
Cas didn't even respond. He hung up the call and let his head fall to the table with a loud groan. It was a dick move, and he knew it, but he couldn't just... Go back to talking to him like nothing happened... That time with the meeting thing, that was easy to ignore. That was simple. But this... He groaned again and felt Gabriel take the seat across for him once more.
"That bad?"
Cas' only response was another groan.
June 07, 2008
Okay, so I realize how weird this is now. And I don't really know what to do about it? You didn't really give me much to go off of last night (understandably) and I don't really know what's gonna happen next but so don't really wanna lose this... thing. This friendship, whatever it is, that we've got going on. I really don't want this to stop. But I mean, if you do... If you're uncomfortable with this now or anything, then I totally understand. I really do.
Remember how I told you I get incredibly talkative when I'm nervous?
This is one of those times.
June 10th, 2008
I've left it alone for a few days but now I'm getting incredibly worried. If you're done with this, I get it... I do. I just need to know, Cas. This whole not knowing thing really sucks.
June 10th, 2008
I started packing up all my stuff today. Tomorrow, Charlie and I are gonna go on this huge tour of the city, visiting all our favorite places and taking this huge trip down memory lane. I know she's going to cry, and I'm really not prepared for it.
June 11th, 2008
I don’t even think my apartment looked this empty when I first moved in. I shipped everything out today. It’s going to this little apartment a few blocks away from my parents’ house that my mom was able to find. She says I’m gonna like it there, and I hope she’s right.
I have a suitcase of clothes and necessities for the next few days, and a carry on for the plane ride. (I’m still trying not to think about the whole flying thing.)
This is weird. I feel so torn. I’m days away from being with my family without having to worry about time limits and being separated again. It’s exhilerating. I can’t wait to be able to be with them again. To see Sam graduate and get married and be able to help out my dad. And just getting to be with them more often... It’s going to be weird. It’s going to be an odd adjustment. But I’m excited.
But at the same time... this is my home. I’ve lived here twelve years and I hate that I’m leaving. All these people and places and these weird ass accents... It’s going to be so strange not hearing these accents everywhere.
It’s just a very strange, very odd mix of emotions. I have no idea how to deal with it.
June 12th, 2008
I really miss you. Is that bad to say? Should I not say it? I miss talking to you.
June 12th, 2008
I’m sorry.
June 12th, 2008
I’m getting ready to leave for the airport. Those feelings from yesterday are still swimming around and now I have this huge ball of fear to top it all off. I really really hate flying.
When Dean got off the plane in New York, he was exhausted. The tornado of confusing emotions had left him anxious and incredibly sleepless the past few nights, mixed with the adrenaline rush of fear he had during the shaky landing, and what he thought was turning out to be major jet lag, he was ready to lay down right in the middle of the airport and take a nap.
He made his way to baggage claim sluggishly, blinking rapidly every now and then to clear the fatigued haze that threatened to cloud his vision. When he finally retrieved his small suitcase, he was left with a sort of dilemma.
Had three hours until his flight to California took off- definitely not enough time to spend touring the city, but too long to really just sit and do nothing. Dean knew without a doubt that if he sat down to wait for the flight, he’d end up falling asleep for who knows how long. He wasn’t too hungry, but figured that getting something to eat could be the best way to waste time, and coffee sounded absolutely perfect right now.
The first time he heard his name, Dean turned sharply on instinct, sure that there was another Dean in the area that was being called. He continued walking, searching for a food kiosk that looked appealing to him, until he heard his name again. He looked around again, half expecting to see that Sammy had decided to surprise him at the airport. When he didn’t see his freakishly tall brother anywhere, he chalked it up to a hallucination due to exhaustion and sat down for a second on a nearby bench, trying to get a hold of himself.
He put his elbows on his knees, doubling over and putting his face in his hands, fingers combing through his hair. He blew out a long breath and tried to compose himself. A pair of shoes stepped into his line of sight as he stared at the floor and Dean sat up, worried he was taking up too much room on the bench. An apology ready on his lips, he looked at the man in front of him and the words flew off his tongue, breath catching slightly.
A pair of shocking blue eyes stared back at him, looking equal parts terrified and awestruck. They studied Dean as Dean studied him. The man had disheveled hair, sticking up all over the place like he’d just woken up from a nap. His clothes were slightly rumpled, dress shirt slightly crooked and unbuttoned at the collar.
Dean knew for a fact he’d never seen this guy before in his life and once the initial shock of seeing him wore off, Dean started to feel confused and a little bit unsettled. He fidgeted a little bit and cleared his throat, waiting for the guy to sit down or walk away or speak or... something. The small movement seemed to be enough to break whatever thoughts were distracting him, because he shook his head a little bit, blinked slowly and cleared his throat, too.
“Dean?”
Dean had only ever heard that voice once before, but he would never forget it. Somehow, his heart stopped and started beating a thousand times a minute at the same exact time. “Cas?”
The guy - God, could it really be Cas? - nodded, and Dean stood, not really knowing what else to do. There was no handbook on what to do when you accidentally run into the guy you totally fell in love with but have actually never met before.
“Why the hell are you here?” Dean asked, a little bit too loudly. Cas flinched and something like a mix of uncertainty and fear flashed in Cas’ eyes. Dean realized his mistake and corrected it quickly. “I mean... how did you...?” Know where to find me, know what time my flight landed, know what I looked like... “How did you get here?”
The ghost of a smile passed Cas’ lips before he said, “Well, there are these things called cars...” Despite himself, Dean laughed, prompting a light chuckle out of Cas but they were both strained. Silence fell between them for a few strained seconds before they both spoke at the same time.
“I’m sorry I-”
“I’m sorry-”
Dean snapped his mouth shut and Cas frowned, cocking his head very slightly. “What are you apologizing for?” The look on Cas’ face - so determined and stormy - had Dean looking away, addressing his next words to a sign just above Cas’ right shoulder.
Dean hadn’t been this nervous since his very first day teaching out of college. “I’m sorry about um... about what happened. About what I - or Charlie, actually - said. And about um, ya know, continuing to email you after all that... I know it was probably really annoying and you probably just basically hate me right-”
“Dean.”
He looked up, finding piercing blue eyes once more, but not responding.
Cas looked like he was choosing his words very carefully, and he probably was.
“I’m not angry, or upset, I was just... Stunned. Sort of blindsided? I don’t know how to really explain it. When you texted and then called, I didn’t expect you to say what you did. It was a surprise, really. And I don’t... I’m not very good at dealing with surprises and knowing how to respond and the longer I didn’t respond, the worse it got in my head-”
“Worse?”
“No, not... not worse like... that. Just... worse for me to be able to figure out.” Cas closed his eyes for a second and groaned, frustrated that he couldn’t find the right words. “It was a surprise,” he repeated, holding Dean’s gaze “but not an unwelcome one. And certainly not one that I don’t reciprocate.”
Dean was exhausted and it seemed like Cas was talking in circles and codes. “You mean you...?”
Cas nodded. Slowly, Dean grinned. He took a step forward, leaving barely any space at all between the two of them. Cas didn’t even flinch at the closeness; he barely even blinked. Dean hesitated a moment before letting his next words fall from his lips. “I’ve been thinking about what it would be like to kiss you for as long as I can remember.”
A smile lit up Cas’ eyes, but his face stayed stoic. “Why don’t you find out already?” he challenged, the corner of his mouth threatening to twitch into a smile. Despite himself, Dean laughed, throwing his head back, eyes cast toward the ceiling for a second or two before he straightened again the prick of slight stubble meeting his hand as he cupped Cas’ jaw.
Dean looked at Cas, at this total stranger he’d known for just six months, but felt he’d already known a lifetime. This stranger that helped nurse birds back to life and had this insane, secret obsession with bees. Who didn’t care for any type of holiday and lost his phone on a daily basis. This stranger who somehow, when Dean wasn’t looking, managed to ingrain himself into every aspect of Dean’s life without even trying. From four thousand miles away.
Dean looked at Cas, and Cas stared right back, thinking the same thoughts. Dean smiled and leaned down, sighing lightly as he finally, finally closed the space between them.