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Setting: A fancy dining room in the evening. SYLAS, DELILAH, DR. RIPLEY, and CASSANDRA are all sitting at the table. Everyone else is eating their food in silence, save for CASSANDRA, who is picking at hers and sneaking bits to MOOS, a spotted kitten perched next to the dish.
DELILAH: Cassandra, eat your food. It’s going to get cold. And what have I said about cats at the table?
CASSANDRA: I’m not hungry.
DELILAH: Nonsense. You barely touched your breakfast and slept through lunch. Are you sick?
CASSANDRA: I don’t know. Ask Dr. Ripley.
DR. RIPLEY: (Sighing heavily) The girl doesn’t eat, Delilah. You know that. Being dragged back from death’s door can significantly affect a person's appetite. Just look at your husband.
DELILAH glares at DR. RIPLEY and starts to say something, but stops as MOOS begins hacking up a hairball
DELILAH: Alright, that is enough. No animals at dinner.
CASSANDRA: What about the chicken you’re eating? That’s an animal.
DELILAH: A dead animal!
DR. RIPLEY: Moo’s was dead before I resurrected him. As was his sister.
CASSANDRA: Yes, that reminds me. Why does father never have to put Fiona out of the room?
SYLAS looks up mid chew, with a sort of “leave me out of this” expression on his face. FIONA, a little white undead kitten in his shirt pocket, lets out an indignant mew.
SYLAS: Fiona is very well behaved.
DELILAH: And your father is not sneaking her bits of his meal. I’ll hear no more of this nonsense. Moos stays under the table or he’s going back to the grave.
MOOS: *angry moo*
DELILAH: Hush. Cassandra?
CASSANDRA rolls her eyes and reluctantly sets MOO’S down underneath the table
DELILAH: (To RIPLEY) Why you decided to reanimate those creatures is beyond me. (To CASSANDRA) Cassandra, sweetheart, if you wanted a kitten, you should have just told me. I know a man who breeds them, they’re healthy and much more well mannered than that little devil.
DR. RIPLEY: Oh yes, by all means insult my profession. It’s not as though I used my skills to save your precious daughter.
SYLAS: I hardly think our child is comparable to the half dead spawn of a barn cat.
CASSANDRA: Exactly. I’m much worse!
SYLAS and DELILAH: CASSANDRA!
DELILAH: That is a horrible thing to say about yourself. You were brought to us for a reason. The gods saved you-
DR. RIPLEY: Actually, I did-
DELIlAH: Don’t interrupt me. As I was saying, you are one of the greatest things to happen to me and Sylas.
DR. RIPLEY stares into the camera/at the audience like she’s in The Office
DELILAH: Yes, the circumstances were less than ideal, but I think we ended up with the best possible outcome.
SYLAS: That certainly was a walk to remember. You go outside, take it all in… birds are singing in the trees, a beautiful sunrise peeking over the horizon, the child bleeding out in a snowbank…
CASSANDRA: BIRDS!
CASSANDRA brings her hand up to reveal that she is flipping everyone off, moving her hand around like an actual bird.
DELILAH: Cassandra-
DR. RIPLEY also brings up her middle finger, her hand joining CASSANDRAs.
DR. RIPLEY: Oh look, here comes another.
CASSANDRA brings up her other hand at a slightly lower level, presenting it as smaller
CASSANDRA: It’s a whole family!
By this point, DELILAH is looking especially annoyed
DELILAH: What on earth are you two doing?
CASSANDRA: Appreciating nature.
DR. RIPLEY: Such a vast and lovely world we live in, no?
DELILAH pinches the bridge of her nose and bats their hands away with her own middle finger
DELILAH: A hawk ate them, they’re dead now.
CASSANDRAs jaw drops
CASSANDRA: MOTHER! How could you?? Those birds had their whole lives ahead of them-
DELILAH: And now they don’t. Sorry, darling.
DR. RIPLEY makes a weak croaking noise and raises her middle finger shakily
DR. RIPLEY: (in a David Attenborough voice) The hawk believes herself victorious, but is sadly, or thankfully mistaken, depending upon who you ask. The little bird crawls out from underneath the body of her father, still warm with the memory of life, and-
SYLAS: Oh good gods…
DELILAH: Anna, I am trying to have a nice dinner with my family. Now, if you don’t mind-
DR. RIPLEY: Actually Delilah, I do mind. I had plans for tonight, plans which you so rudely interrupted.
DELILAH: Brooding in your lab does not count as plans.
DR. RIPLEY: And brooding in your dining hall does?
DELILAH: You made the decision to brood. Not me. I simply thought I would share a bit of domestic bliss with you. Perhaps it would warm that stony heart of yours.
CASSANDRA: (to herself) You’re the one who decided to kill the little birds…
SYLAS makes a sort of “not now/cut it out” motion to CASSANDRA. DELILAH does not hear and continues verbally slashing DR. RIPLEY.
DR. RIPLEY: MY STONY HEART? Oh, that is RICH coming from you. Need I remind everyone that-
SYLAS: AHEM.
DELILAH: I invited you because as much as I hate to admit it, you’ve become a part of our little clan-
CASSANDRA: I thought you said it was because families of three always looked sad, lifeless and creepy.
DELILAH tilts her head to the ceiling and lets out an exasperated sigh
DELILAH: You’re taking that out of context.
CASSANDRA: No, no, I heard you. You said it made the parents seem like they had given up.
DELILAH: No, that’s not-
CASSANDRA: WHAT? IS THIS YOUR WAY OF SAYING YOU WANT ANOTHER CHILD? AM I NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU?
DELILAH: Not at a-
DR. RIPLEY: Oh Cassandra, I promise you are more than enough. For all of us.
CASSANDRA stops and looks at DR. RIPLEY, surprised
CASSANDRA: (With a pleasantly surprised smile) You truly mean that?
DR. RIPLEY: It was not a compliment.
CASSANDRA: Of course it wasn’t.
DELILAH speaks through a fake smile and clenched teeth
DELILAH: My dear, that was from a conversation in which you were not involved. You really must stop eavesdropping like this. It’s getting to be a bit of a problem, and you end up with some warped knowledge. It’s not a good way to get information.
SYLAS: It may not be a good way, but sometimes it certainly feels like the only way around here…
DELILAH looks to SYLAS with an annoyed expression
DELILAH: Oh please, not this again.
SYLAS:(sarcastically) Well, I apologise for wanting to be kept up to date with the political events surrounding my HOME!
CASSANDRA looks highly uncomfortable, periodically glancing at DR. RIPLEY as if to say “get me out of here”
DELILAH: You are kept up to date, you just never pay attention!
SYLAS: I absolutely do.
DELILAH: You do not. You’re always wrapped up in pointless hypotheticals and mythological psychobabble.
SYLAS: If this is another quip about my anthologies, I’ll have you know that those are important cultural artefacts. They highlight the moral standards by which people lived, their values and traditions, religion, it is absolutely fascinating, and quite helpful regarding our positions as REIGNING LORD AND LADY. You would know this if you ever took a moment to RELAX and take a break!
DELILAH: I would love nothing more, but in case you have not noticed, I have numerous political and domestic duties to attend to.
SYLAS: Well, that is not my fault. I have offered my assistance with both, and you will not take it. This is a team effort, Delilah!
DELILAH: Oh, I enlisted your help once, and I shall never do so again. I gave you a simple task and-
SYLAS: Oh GODS, not this again. It was not nearly as bad as you make it out to be.
DELILAH: I asked you to find a suitable tutor for our child. You hired a prostitute.
SYLAS: In my defence, the advertisement stated that she brought her clients to peak performance in a strict, but passionate manner. I assumed-
DR. RIPLEY: Please stop talking. For your sake as much as mine.
SYLAS: She had a resume!
CASSANDRA slams her fork down
CASSANDRA: Personally, I think we should have kept her around.
SYLAS covers his face with his hands.
SYLAS: Good grief…
DELILAH: Cassandra, you don’t even know what a prostitute is.
CASSANDRA: Yes I do! How old do you think I am?
DELILAH: Not old enough to know anything about the topic at hand, that’s for sure. Where on earth would you even learn about such things?
CASSANDRA: You can’t expect me NOT to know with all those women going in and out of Dr. Ripley’s lab.
Spit take from DR. RIPLEY
DR. RIPLEY: Wait, you think I hire them?
DELILAH: (Under her breath) Can’t imagine how you’d find them otherwise…
DR. RIPLEY: I certainly don’t recall having to pay you.
DELILAH’s jaw drops
DR. RIPLEY: In fact… you seemed fully prepared to compensate ME when-
SYLAS clears his throat and glances pointedly at CASSANDRA.
DR. RIPLEY: When you… broke my… my…bed frame.
SYLAS clonks his head on the table in a show of defeat. DELILAH rolls her eyes. DR. RIPLEY silently curses herself for her mess up.
CASSANDRA: I’m not two, you don’t need to censor yourself like this!
DELILAH: Yes, we do! Your age aside, this is simply not a topic to be discussed at the dinner table.
SYLAS: Agreed, highly inappropriate. Anna, did your parents never teach you proper manners?
DR. RIPLEY starts to retort, but stops short as CASSANDRA kicks SYLAS underneath the table
CASSANDRA: (through clenched teeth, hushed) Father! Don’t ask her about that!
SYLAS: Why ever not?
CASSANDRA: Her parents died before she was born.
SYLAS: What??
CASSANDRA: Yes, she told me last week!
SYLAS looks at CASSANDRA, then at DR. RIPLEY, then back at CASSANDRA, and back to DR. RIPLEY.
SYLAS: (with exaggerated sympathy) Oh… Anna, I am so sorry. I had no idea you were dealing with that. Why didn’t you tell us sooner?
DR. RIPLEY pretends to get choked up and speaks as if she is holding back tears.
DR. RIPLEY: I’ve been keeping it inside for so long now…
SYLAS: I can tell, and this really does answer a great many of the questions I had about you.
DR. RIPLEY: That’s actually why I became a doctor… if someone had been able to save them, maybe things would have been different and-
DR. RIPLEY puts her head in her hands and feigns dissolving into tears
SYLAS: Forgive me, I did not know my question would upset you so. I never would have asked. Listen… if there’s anything we can do for you, anything at all, please don’t hesitate to tell us.
DR. RIPLEY: Can I have the day off tomorrow?
SYLAS and DELILAH: (in unison) No.
DR. RIPLEY: (completely dropping the act) Damn you.
DELILAH: This is ridiculous. Cassandra, do you truly believe her?
CASSANDRA: Yes.
SYLAS and DR. RIPLEY are very obviously trying not to laugh
SYLAS: Why would she not?
DELILAH: Help me to understand. Her parents passed away.
CASSANDRA: Yes.
DELILAH: And this… tragic event occurred before she was born?
DR. RIPLEY pretends to brush away a tear as CASSANDRA nods
DR. RIPLEY: There’s no need for you to rub it in…
DELILAH: (hitting a boiling point) Alright. What did they die of, then? Hm? Tell me that.
CASSANDRA stares wide eyed at DELILAH. The atmosphere is so thick you could cut it with a knife. Finally, DR. RIPLEY rises from her seat, flipping off the entire table.
DR. RIPLEY: AVIAN FLU!
CASSANDRA: AVIAN FLU!?
SYLAS: May they rest in peace.
DELILAH: Unlike the lot of us…
A few SERVANTS come in to switch out plates and bring in more food.
SERVANT #1: Second course, m’lady.
DELILAH: Thank you, dear.
SERVANT #2 sets a plate down in front of DR. RIPLEY.
SERVANT #2: So sorry for your loss, ma’am. My condolences.
DELILAH: Young man, I pay you to work, not to talk. Please excuse yourself.
SERVANT #2: Right away, Lady Briarwood.
SERVANTS EXIT
CASSANDRA starts to feed MOOS while SYLAS shakes some salt on his food
DELILAH: Cassandra, I can see that.
SYLAS takes a bite of his food and chokes. He starts coughing and struggling to breathe
DELILAH: Good GODS, what is the matter with you?
SYLAS: (hoarsely) The salt…
SYLAS grabs a glass of water and starts drinking. DELILAH unscrews the salt container and sniffs it. RIPLEY is laughing and CASSANDRA has a hand over her mouth.
DELILAH: What on- This is garlic! Anna!
DR. RIPLEY: I am not the one responsible for setting the table. Take this up with the servants. That one boy had a great deal of audacity, as you saw.
DELILAH: YOU AND I BOTH KNOW-
SYLAS coughs one more time into his handkerchief
SYLAS: (still hoarse) Go easy on her, my love. She was deprived of the simple family bonding experiences that most of us take for granted. Maladjusted children do grow into maladjusted adults, after all. Now, would someone please get me some more water? I fear I’ll be meeting Mr. and Mrs. Ripley otherwise.
DELILAH sighs and passes him a pitcher of water
DELILAH: Next time, I will let you choke.
SYLAS: I don’t doubt that.
DELILAH throws a napkin at SYLAS and cracks a smile
DELILAH: Clean yourself up. You look like you’ve been for a swim in the river.
CASSANDRA: Were the reeds flat today?
DR. RIPLEY: Oh, hush.
SYLAS: Escaped the River Mother by the skin of my teeth.
DR. RIPLEY: It’s a damn shame she did not rip you to shreds.
CASSANDRA: That’s what I’m going to do if you don’t take me along to the banks this weekend.
DR. RIPLEY: I dare you to try, brat.
CASSANDRA picks MOOS up from the ground, dangles a piece of meat in front of his face, and tosses it at DR. RIPLEY. He goes tearing across the table, making a huge mess. FIONA jumps out of SYLAS’s pocket and chases after.
SYLAS: FIONA, NO!
DR. RIPLEY picks MOOS up by the scruff of his neck
DR. RIPLEY: Never forget who gave you life, bastard.
MOOS: *mooing*
DELILAH: Cassandra. Take the cat, put him in your room, and SHUT THE DOOR.
CASSANDRA: (dejectedly) Yes, mother.
CASSANDRA gets up and tries to take MOOS from the much taller DR. RIPLEY, who holds the cat just out of reach.
CASSANDRA: Stop that, you’re going to hurt him!
DR. RIPLEY: (mock offence) Hurt him?? I would never.
CASSANDRA kicks DR. RIPLEY in the shins. DR. RIPLEY exclaims and drops MOOS, who lands safely in CASSANDRA’s arms.
DR. RIPLEY: You are just like your mother.
DELILAH looks to SYLAS
DELILAH: I’m so proud of our little girl.
SYLAS and DELILAH kiss on the lips. DR. RIPLEY and CASSANDRA look over with disgust. Even MOOS and FIONA stop for a moment.
DR. RIPLEY: And just like that, I’ve lost my appetite! I am excusing myself. Lovely dinner, by the way. NEVER drag me to one of these ever again!
DELILAH: It’s certainly a mistake I’ll not make twice.
DR. RIPLEY: Delightful.
DR. RIPLEY stands up and exits, but not before giving CASSANDRA a hard flick on the forehead.
DELILAH: I can’t believe that woman is almost fifty.
SYLAS: Her inner child must be very unsettled.
DELILAH: My inner adult is considering a divorce.
CASSANDRA: This is why your outer child avoids mealtimes.
DELILAH: You are excused.
CASSANDRA: Thank you.
CASSANDRA exits
DELILAH exhales and sidles up to SYLAS
DELILAH: Well, now that those two are out of the way… let’s say we partake in a little… dessert.
She kisses him on the forehead
SYLAS: I, for one, think that is a wonderful idea.
CASSANDRA, offstage: OH, YOU COULD HAVE AT LEAST WAITED UNTIL I WAS OUT OF EARSHOT. DISGUSTING!
SYLAS and DELILAH both start laughing and kiss again
FADE TO BLACK