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Shinya collapsed back on the bed, fully spent. Sometimes, he wondered how it was possible for Kureto to be so vigorous after long days such as these. After all, he easily worked twice–no, three times–as hard as Shinya did. Well, it wasn’t like Shinya particularly cared to labor tirelessly for the army, but his brother always seemed to take his job so seriously.
Well, clearly not seriously enough if he had so much extra stamina for their night-time activities.
“Are you alright?” Kureto’s baritone voice sounded in his ear.
“Hmmm?” Shinya turned his head to where his older brother–and lover–lay next to him.
Lover? No. That couldn’t be right.
Did Kureto even know how to love...anyone?
“Mmm….I’m fine,” Shinya said, rolling away onto his side.
Shinya closed his eyes. He really didn't know why he had started sleeping with his brother. Perhaps he was forced. Or not, since he kept doing it. Maybe, it was because he was lonely. Forever waiting for someone to care for him, for someone to love him.
Not that he would find it in this bed.
Shinya felt Kureto move closer to him, wrapping one arm around him, while his other eased itself under the pillow Shinya’s head lay on.
“Heh. If you’re fine, then you should be my pillow, tonight.” Kureto chuckled, the warmth of his breath tickling the back of Shinya’s neck.
“Ah,” Shinya sighed, feeling too sleepy to protest.
He felt Kureto run his hand down his side, his thumb tracing over the outline of ribs protruding a little too clearly under his skin.
He wondered what that was about?
Shinya had always been on the slender side, even as a child, and then there had been that….test. Isn’t that what they had called it? After years of learning to be a cold-blooded killer, he had lost what little interest in food he had to begin with. Of course, he still liked his favorites, but if he wasn’t reminded, he would often skip a meal or two...or three.
This wasn’t anything new, so why was Kureto suddenly prodding at his bony frame?
“You need to eat more,” His brother said quietly, with an admonishing tone, before kissing him on the back of the neck, “shall I have someone bring something?”
For a moment, Shinya was taken aback by the words, but then sighed and waved him off, “I’m not hungry.”
“But you were so energetic just now, you should eat something?”
“Eh?” Shinya rolled back slightly so he could look at Kureto’s face. “Why does nii-san care?" he asked, raising an eyebrow suspiciously.
“Am I not allowed to care about you?"
Another sigh left him. His brother's sudden attentiveness didn't seem to be leaving him anytime soon. "Do whatever you want." He conceded with a tone of boredom.
"Shinya...." There was a slight warning in Kureto's voice, and it made him both uncomfortable and frustrated.
His brows furrowed slightly, "You can't control my life, nii-san. I'm not hungry. That’s all there is to it."
"I will control your life if it means your health problems will be taken care of."
"Well, my health problems are all thanks to you and your family, aren't they?"
There was a note of annoyance in Shinya's voice when he said that, and he promptly turned away and distanced himself. He was done. There was only so much controlling behaviour he could handle in one night before he grew tired. But it's not like that was the only thing bothering him. These moments, the ones were Kureto displayed care for him, like he actually meant it, always made him uneasy. Those actions and words edged close to his heart, and he couldn't have that. He couldn't have himself believe Kureto wanted him for something more than his body and the desire to have another useful pawn in his hand.
At this point, he wasn't even sure if it was fear or stubbornness. Probably both.
“Shinya, please don’t move away from me.”
The sentence made him freeze.
Please, his brother had said. His voice was not pleading though, not really, and yet it was also lacking that commanding tone it always seemed to possess. Calm and firm, but yet without that usual feeling of supremacy. These words, this way of speaking them, it didn't sound like a Lieutenant General. It sounded like a man wanting the trust of someone he cared about.
Shinya's chest throbbed. He wanted to run.
“I’m just asking you to eat something, is that really such an unreasonable request?”
He bit his lip. He opened his mouth, having little idea what he was supposed to say.
“I- "
“I’ll make it for you.”
Those words robbed him of whatever he'd been about to spew out. In fact, they robbed him of all thoughts but did I hear him right?. Shinya was certain he hadn’t. That, or he'd passed out immediately after their last round and this was merely a dream. But Kureto reached out and was now resting his hand at the juncture between his neck and shoulder, rubbing the skin there slightly with his thumb. Shinya slowly turned around, meeting his brother's red eyes.
There was no hint of jesting in them. They were serious, and very much real.
And so really, what else could he do but laugh?
“Pffft. Kureto nii-san. Making food. Seriously?” Shinya's lips lifted up into a grin.
Kureto, who had patiently waited for him to finish laughing, scowled in reply, “Shinya, I have led thousands of men in battle. I can toast bread."
This was too good. Shinya was clutching at his sides now, wishing he could've recorded his brother's voice.
“Will nii-san wear an apron too?" He beamed, eyes sparkling with mirth.
“Shinya….” The warning was clear. It did not stop Shinya from continuing his laughter.
“If nii-san wears an apron, I’ll eat it.”
The shit-eating grin spreading across his face felt sweet, and Shinya stretched his arms up as he relaxed. He was grateful for the change of atmosphere, and the fact that he had an excuse for missing out on whatever Kureto was going to make him eat. He waited for his brother to glare at him, possibly flip him over, deciding that Shinya needed to be punished for laughing at his older brother. In fact, he wouldn't be surprised if Kureto put him in an apron and then had a good laugh at him, most likely followed by more night-time activities that would leave Shinya unable to walk properly the next morning.
Nothing would've prepared him for what happened.
Kureto sighed, and then shifted to sit at the edge of the bed, pulling on his underwear and a shirt. Then, as if for good measure, he sighed one more time, and twisted, looking down at Shinya still lying on his side.
“So? Where’s the apron?"
Shinya choked.
He was definitely hearing things now.
“E-eh? No way..."
“What?” Kureto's brows narrowed in confusion.
Shinya didn't know if his eyes could go any wider.
“Y-you’re really going to...?" He trailed off, far from being able to continue those words much less believe them.
“You said you’d eat," was his brother's easy response, as if he wasn't declaring that he was going to wear an apron and make Shinya a late-night snack.
Did someone drug him today?
For several moments, Shinya could only stare, speechless. Kureto stared back, completely unfazed.
He's really going to do it...?
It was... It was... Shinya didn't even know what. He didn't know what this meant. He couldn't put a good name on what he was feeling right now. Shocked, taken aback, uncertain. Yes, those, he knew he was feeling. But what about that odd, fluttery feeling in his stomach? What about the way his heart seemed to have grown in size, filling his chest with an almost uncomfortable warmth? What about the sudden heat of his face?
... Oh, it was that, wasn't it?
Happiness.
Shinya couldn't remember the last time he'd felt the emotion. Truly, genuinely. But even happiness came in many forms, didn't it? This happiness he was feeling right now, this one came from the knowledge that someone would do something like this for him. That someone cared enough to.
Perhaps he was being naive. Perhaps this was just one of Kureto's games. But for once, Shinya decided he didn’t care. For once, he decided to believe what was right in front of him and not worry about what could possibly be hiding underneath.
(And in the back of his mind, Shinya knows these 'for once's’ have been happening a lot lately.)
He rolled onto his stomach, burying his face in the pillow. With his hand, he reached out and grabbed Kureto's wrist, the skin warm against the coldness of his palm.
“What is it?” There was curiosity in his brother's voice.
For a moment, Shinya contemplated not answering and just waiting for him to take the hint, but finally made up his mind and let out a muffled reply, his voice small even to his own ears.
"... Don't have to..."
"What?" Kureto sounded taken aback, and more than a little confused.
Shinya took a deep breath, before finally starting to turn. Almost immediately he regretted it, because he could see his brother's brows rise slightly in surprise. Probably at the crimson shade of his face.
“You don’t have to,” He repeated, trying hard to suppress his blush. “Just go call someone to bring something and come back to bed already. It’s…it’s getting cold.” He almost sounded sulky at the end.
Kureto blinked, still looking quite shocked at his rare display of bashfulness. It made Shinya want to glare at him, but all he could do was avoid his gaze. He gave a tug on his brother's wrist, not meeting his eyes, but pouting for emphasis. After several seconds of merely staring at him, Kureto finally complied to his request, slipping back under the covers. He wasted no time in reaching for him, wrapping his arms around Shinya's lean figure and pulling it against himself. Shinya didn't resist. He leaned into the embrace, burying his face in his brother's neck to hide the remaining redness of his blush.
A moment of silence passed before Kureto spoke.
"Is it really that outlandish to you that I care for you?"
Honest curiosity was present in the question. It made Shinya uneasy, and he busied himself with running his fingers along his brother's collarbone, brushing them over his shoulder before wrapping his arm around his neck, pressing closer.
He could always distract him.
The thought was proven wrong when Kureto pulled away from before their lips could connect. Shinya made an annoyed sound, huffing.
A small smile made it's way across Kureto's face.
"You're very adorable when you try to distract me from something, Shinya. Just as much as you're when you're blushing, as I’ve discovered tonight. But I'd still like an answer to my question."
Shinya really did glare this time, and just to be stubborn, he tightened his grip on Kureto's neck and leaned up once more, this time managing to capture his lips in a kiss before he had a chance to pull back. Kureto returned the kiss, his own hand reaching up to tangle in Shinya's hair, tilting his head to deepen it. Shinya was the first to pull back, feeling slightly dazed.
"So?"
He still refused to answer. Simply because he had nothing to say. Because saying one word would have the rest of his thoughts spilling out. Shinya knew, because he knew Kureto.
His brother released a deep sigh, "Very well. But let me state this, Shinya." His hand tugged at Shinya's hair, forcing him to look up and meet his eyes, "You're important to me. Whether you choose to accept it or not, every fibre of your being belongs to me, and each one is a treasure of its own. Do you understand?"
Rather than answer, Shinya sought out the warmth of Kureto’s lips again, knowing that whether he said anything or not, his kiss would surely betray his feelings.
A little later, a tray was delivered with a plate of jam sandwiches as well as a few significantly more nutritious snacks. Shinya made a face, but still obediently ate everything, while Kureto held him in his lap, smiling like a man who, after years of patience and toil, had finally acquired everything he ever wanted.