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Four years.
Four years of walking amongst the vampires, treating him with a barren hospitality that left a cold and empty feeling in his heart. Four years of seeing the same face, belonging to the man who ripped apart his family in seconds with a cruel smile that reminded him of how evil this world really is. Four years of being trapped down to this earth with iron chains that dug into his skin and bit into his blood. Four years of living as the thing he hated most when he could've died in a melancholy peace.
He should've learned his lesson by then. He should've hated the world, ever since he was tossed away like he was nothing, crumpled up like discarded garbage as his parents shoved him out of the car. He should've hated the world, the minute him and his family became enslaved to the vampires as nothing more than a drinking source. But he chose to be happy. To be hopeful. To be blissful in the midst of tragedy, to be the sole source of light among the darkness that licked their skin.
And look at where that hope got them now.
It took him sixteen years to lose that smile. Now, he was only the shell of the boy he used to be; gone were the smiles, the affection, the kindness. His heart turned into one of stone, his lips frozen into a thin line that refused to betray any kind of emotion on his face. Warm blue eyes, vast as the wondrous ocean, now freezing into chips of ice that threatened to slash through anyone of his desires.
For he had truly lost his happiness. His family: Akane, Chihiro, Kouta, and the rest of those naïve souls that willingly put their faith on his shoulders. They all vanished like flickering lights because of him, ripped from their place to further plunge the world into an esurient abyss. Not to mention, he had lost his humanity in the process.
Wait. There was still Yuu-chan, wasn't there? He had watched the boy escape into the vast world through half-lidded eyes, a saturnine smile drifting on his lips. Out of them all, he was the one who fulfilled their dreams of seeing the world outside of Sanguinem. He lived in the memory of the Hyakuya orphanage, a breathing testament to their deaths.
But he, a partial seraph, was in danger. Humans were tricky beings; ones who would experimented with anyone who could be of use to them, and leave behind their own soldiers in the midst of blood-stained dust to assure their own survival. They were greedy. They were ravenous. They were deceitful, and stomped all over the weak and ignorant for the glory of power. And it wouldn't be any longer until Yuu fell at their hands as well.
Mika wouldn't allow it. He couldn't. He had already caused the death of all the children who once kept him going, who gave him hope in a blind world. So, he vowed to meet the boy again one day, the remnants of his family, and protect him from humans and vampires alike until his very last breath. He had failed his family once. And he wouldn't dare fail them another time.
Yuu-chan, why did you break your promise?
Four years of drinking Krul's blood, four years of putting up with Ferid Bathory and just about every other damn vampire who made his hands twitch with the intention to kill. Four years of waking up in cold sweats, eyes wide with the memory of the night his family died before his very eyes. Four years of training to become stronger, growing a thick skin that he hoped would shield him from everyone else who demanded to get close to him. Four years of hiding behind an iron mask that refused to budge, as he concealed his emotions from the dirty vampires who he now had to consider were his own kind. Four years of dreaming of the day he and Yuu-chan could finally escape their sinful world until they were the only ones left, until it felt as if they were young kids who lived and breathed for each other alone.
It was all for Yuu-chan. It always was, wasn't it? He gave his blood to Ferid to get a gun and map for Yuu. He diverted Ferid's attention long enough for Yuu to escape, even if it meant being left behind. He sacrificed everything for Yuu's dream, for he knew that the boy could do it. Every breath, every step, every word, every action, made for him. His existence would lose meaning the minute Yuu would finally turn his back on him forever.
Yuu-chan, we were supposed to see the world together...
Wishes, dreams of being a little child again often came to him in the dead of night. Where he was happy and smiling, where he was loved by people who he loved back. All he wanted was to hold onto the past and to never forget the days in which he felt like life was really worth living, before it became a hell that he wanted to escape. To live alongside the memories of the children who once lighted up his world, with the one person - his sole reason for living - who shared those memories as well.
So maybe that's why it hurt when he watched the members of Yuu's squad interact with each other from yards away. They all whispered soft reassurances towards each other, looking at Yuu with a gentle tenderness in their eyes; the familiarity of the gaze was enough to send nostalgia rolling over him. His bruised and battered heart beat with the memories he refused to let go; the days the Hyakuya family lived a peaceful life, finding happiness in each other. He remembered the times he would look down at the younger ones, his family, with the stars shining in his eyes, a brilliant smile of hope etched onto his face. The times Akane would watch over them all during dinner with a soft, peaceful smile that radiated all throughout the house. The times he would catch Yuu staring at their sleeping figures, features relaxed into a tranquil state that was rare amongst his constant frowns.
No. It's not the same. It can't be, right? There would never be another human family as genuine as his in the Hyakuya orphanage. Mika clenched his fists, but he kept a steady gaze on the five of them. They huddled close together, exchanging whispers and small laughs that livened their dark hearts. They all seemed genuinely... happy. As if they wouldn't have their unfortunate lives any other way.
And despite every protest that screamed violently in his mind, even he couldn't deny the way they looked like a family, eerily similar to his own from long ago. Kind. Fond. Connected.
Almost indestructible.
Yuu was supposed to be nothing more to them than an advantage, an upper hand against the vampires due to the inhumanity committed against him. And, the minute he became worthless, they would leave him behind to rot. These thoughts were what kept Mika going; the fantasy of running away as if nothing ever tore them apart and they really did escape Sanguinem with each other to see the world.
But it seemed like fate was insistent on making his eternal life hell.
Gnawing on his lip, Mika hung his head low. The facade of cool indifference he kept for so long began to crumble into pieces, until all that was left was a sheer vulnerability that glimmered in the light. Until he was nothing more than a broken 16-year old boy with insecurities, beaten by the world until he could hold up his arms and hide from it all. That's why he didn't escape with me in Shinjuku, isn't it? He has a new family now. One he wants; one he chose over me.
Did he really have the heart to rip Yuu from people he found to accompany him in the darkness, just to drag him back to the ruins of the family that was destroyed from so long ago?
Mika drew in a deep breath, looking down at his hands. There was no way he could try and smuggle himself into Yuu's new life, either. He was a vampire, after all; the enemy of humans. They had no business living with each other while a war raged on outside their doors. In a disastrous world like their own, a vampire amongst the humans would only be a mutiny that would end in pure chaos. Besides; he didn't think he could have it in him to be part of another family when the memory of the Hyakuyas still burned in his mind. Haunting him.
It was either him or the humans. And maybe, he began to think, maybe he would be better off with them than with a vampire who was the ghost of a boy he once knew, a long time ago.
What happened to your resolve of taking Yuu-chan away from all the danger that this world presents? Don't you know what's best for him? You're the only one who can protect him from the humans who want to use him.
And for once, he couldn't answer. That dream still beat firmly in his chest, but simply watching the contented look on his best friend's face, the way his green eyes radiated with a peace that glowed in the presence of the other humans, broke him down. He was supposed to have Yuu-chan. He was supposed to be the one with the responsibility of keeping his family alive.
And look where that got you, he thought bitterly. You destroyed your family when you were trying to save him. He may be at risk with the humans, but who's to say you won't end up being the reason Yuu-chan ultimately dies?
He winced at his thoughts, but his heart relented. Besides, a vampire had been the one to rip Yuu-chan away from his first, real family. And Mika, a vampire, a creature that Yuu-chan hated the most, wouldn't dare become the second one to repeat the cycle.
His heart weakened by the looming darkness that threatened to consume him, Mika closed his eyes. Resignation dawned on his features; he looked tired, defeated. Wanting to crawl back into the hands of hell and let whatever demonic forces there may be have their merry way with him. A part of him struggled to fight the worthless feelings he had set up for himself; Yuu-chan noticed you. Yuu-chan was happy to see you. He didn't care that you were a vampire. And yet, those thoughts slipped through his fingers, taken away by his insecurities and paranoia, licking his skin and climbing into his broken heart.
Yuu-chan has a new family now. The devilish voice haunted his mind and soothed his bruises, and despite it's menacing words, his broken state could only revel in the soft comfort that it's tone oozed with, succumbing to the fate that lured him further away from the boy who encouraged him to breathe. He cares about them; he moved on from you. You, a vampire, will only stop him from avenging your family. You wanted him to kill all the vampires, right? You rushed your family to their deaths just so he could come back one day, stronger, to defeat them. Why would you stop him for your own selfish desires?
The will to fight had long disappeared, and now the only feeling he could register was the empty void sucking at his chest. Perhaps he really did have nothing but memories in a world so cruel.
This must be what it's like to be forgotten. He spared a wry smile and began to walk, slowly but firmly. But I don't mind, Yuu-chan. I'll handle the pain, just as I have been before.
You deserve more than a filthy bloodsucker anyway.