Work Text:
Dazai slumped on the bathroom floor. His eyes were spilling tears non-stop, sobbing his heart in pain. Smelting rage was being forged inside him.
Why? Why? Whywhywhywhywhy— why??
He screamed internally, he didn't want other people to see him cry, but here he was sobbing. He shouldn't have cried this much. Why was he crying so much? He can't cry. After all, he's just a clown. He's the one who entertains people. He just– can't let other people see him like this. It would be inconvenient and embarrassing. He just can't.
Dazai gripped the knife and directed it to his wrist, the knife getting closer and closer to his fragile paper like skin. He started to slice his skin swiftly with confidence embedded in his movements, blood spewed from the cuts. He smiled weakly at himself "That's right, I deserve all this." The brunette muttered quietly. His arms was covered in cuts at this point, blood gushed out of the slices in a saddening manner.
He just had felt so tired, so exhausted. He couldn't keep up with everything, it all just went so fast. Every part of his body ached, the pain kept pulsing in and out slowly. He glanced at his wrists covered in old scars and new ones, thick red liquid were pouring out from the new cuts gracefully. It hurt so much, like powerful electrified wires were being zapped into his blood vessels, like searing magma was being smacked across his whole body. His head pained and felt like it was about to obliterate into pieces, he took a shaky breath and felt his fingertips go numb. He trembled looking at himself, he.. he looked pitiful, Odasaku would be dissapointed if he saw him right now.
Cuts aligned horizontally across both of his wrists, he'd cut deeply nearing his blood vessel, vital fluid gushed out violently. His body shivered and his hands trembled, he faintly looked at his palms covered in blood.– Cough! Dazai weakly coughed adding more color to his palms with his breath shaky. With his complexion pale and body's health shattered, he attempted to pick up the sharp blade once more though his throbbing arm prevented him from doing so, he had just given up on everything. It's all such a waste. He didn't deserve to feel alive, he's just a waste of space, just as Kunikida said. Kunikida and the others was right all along, he is just a waste of bandages. He's a terrible, terrible person that doesn't deserve to live. He had never deserved to live.
Dazai rested his head on the toilet seat tiredly. Blood trailed down from the toilet seat unto the cold floor. Across Dazai had rolls of bandages soaked in sanguine. Blood was smeared on the bathroom walls as paint. Dazai fluttered his eyes closed, he sat soaked in blood, blood from all his wounds. He finally felt like his life was ending.
"Dazai, open the damn door!" A familiar voice worriedly shouted banging the door and kicking it. "Dazai, come on! Please!" The voice shouting was Chuuya, wait— Chuuya? How did he get here?
Chuuya was frustrated, that bandaged bastard had been ghosting him for a week. Dazai would usually call him at midnight and poke holes on how short he was. But the past week, there wasn't any calls from Dazai. At first, he brushed it off because maybe Dazai was busy, he didn't mind it. But it was getting weird. Dazai didn't respond to Chuuya's texts or calls. He was concerned that something had happened to Dazai, so today he decided to visit him. When he arrived he heard sobs coming from inside, what the fuck? Dazai never cries. He'd never seen Dazai cry before. This raised many alarms in Chuuya's head, Chuuya took a second to remember what was Dazai's apartment password and immediately entered the numbers in. Luckily, it was still the same as it was many years ago.
Chuuya had barged inside Dazai's apartment, he started to search for the source of crying quickly. He rushed over to the bathroom, hearing muffled sobs and screams. Chuuya froze, his heart sank to the depths of the ocean. He was flabbergasted, shocked.
He forcefully tried to unlock the bathroom door, but it was locked from the inside. He couldn't get in. He screamed for Dazai to unlock the door for his own good but to no response. He angrily kicked the door breaking it, seeing Dazai laying in a pool of his blood, sunlight from the window hitting his pale face. His brown hair looked musty and hadn't been brushed in a month, he just looked like a mess overall.
Chuuya rushed over to Dazai focusing on him and only him, Chuuya gripped the man's shoulders and looked him dead in the eyes. "Dazai, stay with me." Chuuya murmured quietly with a low voice. Dazai responded with a tired coo, ready to approach the gates of death.
Dazai's vision was slowly fading into oblivion, body numb, and his mind scattered. He didn't care about the outcome of his actions right now. He didn't care about anything. He just wanted for this nightmare to end. He was tired.
-
"Mmh.." Dazai awoke in a recognizable bed, a hospital bed. He faced the boring ceiling blinking slowly until he tilted his head and saw Chuuya. Wait what? Chuuya? Was he the one who brought him here? That was probably the case Dazai thought to himself.
"Finally awake, huh Mackerel?" Chuuya scoffed looking at Dazai pettifully with his hands crossed and his posture relaxed, Chuuya was relieved to see Dazai physically okay. Dazai was pleasantly shocked by the ginger's presence. "Why hello doggie! Ack– could you explain on how and why I'm strapped down to the bed like this? It kinda hurts." Dazai cackled.
"..."
"..."
"Four days ago. Do you not remember? In the bathroom?"
"Oh... that."
"We need to talk about that, Dazai."
"Ah, shit."
Chuuya crossed his arms and softened his gaze at Dazai, Chuuya asked on how he acted a couple days ago and demanded an explanation. "Well, it just was like that— i guess. There's not much explanation, you probably already know about it, midget." Dazai muttered disinterested on the topic. Chuuya frowned at Dazai and sighed. Chuuya began to speak; "You're such an idiot. Why do you think you're a piece of shit? You're not. You can be a good person sometimes. Do you remember? When we were on a mission, it was raining heavily and you gave me your raincoat–"
"You.. you still remember that?" Dazai cut Chuuya off, Chuuya placed his hand on his mouth and muffled a quiet confirmation.
"Huh, I didn't expect Chuuya to care about me that much~" Dazai jokingly said in which Chuuya frowned even more at. "Did you actually get offended by that..?" Dazai asked curiously. "I care about you, shithead. I'm here for you. Don't feel that you're fighting alone... I support you." Chuuya assured behind his hat he was holding to cover his embarrassed face.
"This is fucking corny. I'm leaving." Chuuya grunted before lifting himself from his seat and walked out the door.
"Thanks, Chuuya."
"You're welcome, Dazai."
Chuuya left the room smiling and feeling an odd feeling, he felt warm inside. Was this because of Dazai? Huh, he should really stop thinking about that man way too often.
fin