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“Suresh?”
“Mhm?” He answers, gently running his hand up and down Zehra’s arm.
They have been lying like this for a while now, enveloped in each other’s scents and arms, whispers coming from the other beds in the communal bedroom only a background noise. Like the dancing of grass blades on a warm summer evening, they create an atmosphere that is almost getting lost on him as he focuses on her and the promise they made each other earlier that evening.
A second chance. A new beginning of sorts.
“Your plan to win me back sucked.”
Laughter erupts, bubbling out of him like champagne that has been shaken and then opened to celebrate, carefree and all at once before it slowly turns into a trickle. And when it does, he feels Zehra smiling where she is resting against his chest, her fingers gliding through his chest hair.
If it were anybody else who would have made that comment, Suresh would have been anything but laughing in earnest. But with her… There was an honesty and playfulness – something teasing – in her voice that didn’t venture into mockery or disappointment. Instead, she – like always – somehow manages to make light of a situation that had been torturing him for weeks.
Because Suresh hates failing.
And when it came to convincing Zehra to give him – them – another chance, he had truly and completely messed up.
Yet – despite objectively having failed -, he doesn’t feel like he did. After all, she is right here, lying next to him, her hair tickling his face.
“I got to be with you in the end. That’s what counts,” he says and means it. Losing her truly would have been far worse than failing.
Zehra hums affirmatively before another moment of peaceful silence envelops them. And contrary to so many other quiet moments in the past 16 months – moments that he desperately tried to fill with sounds and experiences – he doesn’t plunge back into his memories, the colors of the real world much more vivid and enticing.
So, he takes in the shade of her hair in the darkness of the room, the comforting weight of her leg draped over his, the scent of her shampoo and hand cream, and listens to her soft breathing.
At least it is soft until a puff of air caresses his skin, indicating that she just had a profound thought that he knows she’s most likely going to share with him. And while Suresh smiles just at the action alone, he knows that he can never be too sure of her next words or moves.
Therefore, he is mildly surprised – and suspicious – when she simply turns in arms – careful to stay in his embrace – and looks at him with playfully narrowed eyes and the hint of a grin on her lips.
“Is this why you truly wanted me back? Because you need help coming up with actually successful strategies?”
Another laugh flows into the air between them, as free, welcome and unexpected as a gentle breeze on a hot summer day, and Suresh closes his eyes for a moment to fully take in its soothing effect. Though it’s only when he opens them again and sees her proud smile that he fully relaxes.
“Yours always are intriguing,” he finally answers, teasing her too because he knows she will question his word choice. Knows that she will narrow her eyes just like she is doing right now, that one cute little wrinkle on her forehead making an appearance.
Zehra though simply rolls her eyes after a moment and grins. “Damn it. I shouldn’t have fallen for it.”
And Suresh falters a little, trying to not think about how he is currently falling for her even more despite – or maybe because – of her antics. Because he knows it’s too early for them to go there again. And he is even more sure that she isn’t ready yet. She had said as much earlier after all, a This doesn’t automatically mean that we’re ‘us’ again that had stung a little.
And yet… here they are, interacting like they always used to do. Like he imagined them doing countless times during their separation. Like they are an ‘us’ again.
Heart capering fondly, Suresh tries to distract himself from his thoughts and feelings by studying her face, taking advantage of finally being able to do that again. To just watch her exist. And he is even more pleased when he sees that she is doing the same, their previous banter making way for something softer. Something more honest.
It’s only when their bodies are more intertwined again however, her finger running along his beard and his carefully tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear, that their eyes meet again.
“I’m glad you did,” Suresh admits as he picks up their conversation again in a low voice, like he fears his admission would scare her away like a dragonfly fluttering around her would do. “I was lost without you.”
At his words, Zehra’s expression softens even further, happiness radiating back at him while a hint of vulnerability slumbers in her eyes.
“I noticed,” she says teasingly yet honestly before turning away and nestling herself back against his chest so that he can’t see her face anymore. And for a moment, he is disappointed, feels like he has just bitten into a preseason strawberry, hoping for it to taste just a little sweeter. But then, quietly, she whispers, “I missed you too.”