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In the heat of battle, things often got left behind. Forgotten. Stomped into the dust; sweeped off the streets. Trinkets, weapons, what have you. I was no stranger to loss. Be it minor or major things. The lives I’d seen spilled selfishly onto the ground, careless. Especially people of mine. There was no time to mourn the losses. We continued on, hoping that sometime their memory could be saved, once the violence had ended. That they could be laid to rest in a world where their soul could sleep.
Of course, now was not that time. Nor were we even close to achieving that feat. In due time, it would come to us. But for now, an… uneasy alliance had fallen into my hands.
Overwatch.
The battlefield was full of careless, disgusting humans. It irked me. But it allowed my talents to outshine their feeble skills. I’m not one to brag, but I believe I have worked on myself well.
And this was one of those times where something had been left behind. But it wasn’t just a “thing”, really. It was a bird. At first I thought it had perished, but I knelt to touch it, and it fluttered in fear, chirping as it helplessly pushed itself with its feet. I flinched for a moment, watching it struggle. I was unsure of what to do. It felt like my burden to bear now.
“Stop moving.” I cooed, trying to soothe it. I was no veterinarian, but in a brief moment in my life I had studied animals. I had been curious. I placed a hand under its chest to cease its moving forward, my other hand carefully catching its legs between my middle and ring finger in a gentle grip to lift it up and examine it.
The bird flapped its wings, fretting. One of its wings seemed strained in the movement, not fully extending.
“I’m not going to hurt you.” I reassured softly, placing my hand on its back to lay it into my palm. That seemed to do it, as it finally relaxed. I released its legs, watching it carefully.
Its small head turned and twisted, eyeing me with curiosity. The colors of the bird intrigued me. It was pleasing to the eye, but it was not a normal color for the species it seemed to be, if my memory still served me correctly. It was much too yellow.
… Now what?
I did not even consider the doctor— miss Ziegler— at all, as I took it back to put it someplace safe. Even if she could do something, I did not trust her. And I trusted the other doctor even less. I’ve seen her methods.
I had a “room”, let’s say. It was more of a closet. But it was big enough for me to stay in for the time being. I did not have a lot of physical items with me. If anything, nothing is comfortable for living things. Not that I am not a living thing, but I am not fleshy and burdened by human pains of discomfort. I had learned to find comfort in hardships before.
But I was an engineer. Not a caretaker.
The bird had been surprisingly compliant in my grasp. It was so small nobody had taken notice of it as they tended to wounds and mechanical parts alike. Nobody even spoke to me as I passed by. I did not engage either, to be fair. I was certain our hatred was mutual. It was a begrudgingly held collaboration.
I sat upon a chair near the small desk in the room, cupping the creature in my hands. “What am I to do with you?” I spoke to it, hoping it would answer me with what ailed it. It looked at me with its dark eyes, crooning softly. “I wish I could understand you. But… I can solve this problem myself.”
I knew the correct methods, but it would be tricky considering my limited space and items. But I could make do with what I had. I placed the bird gently onto its feet, which urged it to shake out its feathers, trying to push its way back into my hand, pressing into my palm. It was strangely affectionate, all things considered.
I took my hand away, laughing softly. “No, no… patience.” I was beginning to sound like my brother. Was this how he felt when he tried to wrangle me whilst we learned and trained? Certainly I wasn’t as confusing or fragile as this creature.
It listened this time, settling into itself.
I bent from my seat, picking up a cardboard box that I’d placed some parts in. I dumped them out into a different box, placing it onto the desk. It looked at it, pecking it before looking at me. “Well, I know it’s not home. Wherever that may be. But it needs some bedding first...” I tapped the surface with my finger, thinking. Slowly, I removed my scarf from my neck, slipping it up and over my head, placing it gently into the box. I adjusted it so it was a little more nest shaped. “Come, now, it’s ready.” I offered the bird my finger, which it hopped up on. I lifted it into the box, allowing it to snuggle into the thick fabric of my scarf. It seemed to appreciate the gesture. I was surprised it was so willing, especially around an omnic. Birds usually seemed frightened by the sounds and weapons— whatever else.
While I had been at Shambali it was rare to see wildlife. If there was any, it ran away at the sight of us. Animals had always fascinated me, since my awakening. Zenyatta had tried to make an effort to bring me to animals when he saw them in the wilderness. A wandering Bharal, with large, curving horns. We even once spotted a snow leopard bathing her young cub in a shallow outcropping further down the mountain. Zenyatta seemed pleased to seek happiness in me.
Although it was not enough in the end.
I sighed, thinking about those moments with my brother. While I was busy remembering, the bird had fallen asleep, peacefully resting now that it was in my care. I watched it breathe slowly, humming in content.
“Silly thing.” I murmured, feeling naked without that piece of clothing— but, it needed it more than I did. It seemed more like a pet than a wild animal, which confused me more. Perhaps it belonged to one of my fellow “heroes”, but I had never noticed it before now. I would ask around once it was feeling better, as I had no desire for contact at the moment.
I watched over it as it slept, examining its features. It appeared to be a xanthochromistic cardinal, due to its yellow pigmented feathers. I could have been incorrect, due to my lack of this study for a few years. Whatever it was, it was a palm sized bird— unique in its patterns, especially around its eyes. I gently reached in and lifted its damaged limb with just one finger, carefully stretching it but not enough to strain the injury. I could see the feathers warping in one area; having been broken during the battle, I’m sure. I wonder what had happened. Perhaps it had fallen, been stepped on. Whatever occurred, it was lucky it didn’t fatally maim its body.
I had read once that it was possible to create a makeshift sling for a broken bird wing. That seemed like the right thing to do. I did not have perfect equipment, but… I had some things. I had occasionally “stolen”— well, let’s say borrowed-without-asking, actually— some medical supplies from Angela’s working spaces. I had a roll of gauze I could fashion into something for it.
It may not have been an important skill to everyday life, but I’m glad that at some point I got to utilize my short-lived interest. I took the gauze, lifting the bird's wing and wrapping it into an “x” shaped sling that held the wing closed so it could not flap freely at the risk of hurting itself more. It slept soundly, despite my somewhat sloppy bandaging skills. It must have been in great distress before to sleep while being handled like that. Not that I mind, I’d rather it was asleep than trying to peck my fingers off or fly away.
I did not notice how easily I came to rest, placing my head into the crook of my folded arms, and shutting down.
I dreamt of the monastery.
I was rudely awoken by a loud ruckus, much shouting of the fellow omnics on base with me— I recognized their voices.
“No, I’m not sure where he is! I haven’t seen him since you came in for repairs.”
The female voice of Echo; the curious one, still learning. She bothered me, this we both knew.
Then came the panicked beeps from the other omnic: Bastion. Much like myself, used for war before seeking out a new purpose. That was as far as my knowledge went for him. I could barely understand what he was saying, talking so quickly and so much.
“We’ll ask around. I’m sure he’s here. Don’t worry.”
I rose from my seat, groaning. The bird was now awake and struggling to get out of the box. Before it hurt itself, I offered it my hand, which it clambered onto, calling out repeatedly— like an alarm.
“Hm. Maybe you have something to do with this. Let’s go.” I opened the door, being careful to not let the bird fall from its perch on my hand. I followed the sounds of Bastion’s wails to find him sitting on the floor and Echo floating about him, fretting. “What in the world is going on?” I asked, and both of them looked at me.
Bastion let out a chirp of recognition, pointing at the bird on my hand. The bird immediately got excited, but in the moment forgot it couldn’t fly— I caught it carefully with my other hand, holding it gently.
“You found Ganymede!” Echo smiled, floating closer to me. “Is he okay?”
“Ganymede…” What a peculiar name for a bird, considering the origin. I ignored her question. “This is his bird?”
“Why, yes. Isn’t that right, Bastion?”
Bastion nodded, speaking rapidly about how worried he was. He got back up onto his feet, approaching me as well. I was sandwiched between two omnics. An unfamiliar anxiety filled my core, and I did not say anything for many moments.
I think Echo must have noticed, as she moved away a little, her “wings” folding up neatly and she took a seat upon the curve. “What happened to him?”
“I’m unsure. But his wing is damaged. I’ve closed it up for now to prevent anything else from happening to it, but I’m no vet. You might want to ask that doctor for some better supplies. I was ill equipped.” Bastion was standing far too close to me, staring with his one big blue eye. “Do you want him back?”
He nodded again, and I offered him his pet. No wonder it was okay with being handled by an omnic. Bastion gently held out his finger— considering his model I was unsure if he was capable of being so careful due to his large form. But the bird climbed eagerly onto his finger, singing delightful birdsong. Bastion scolded it playfully, telling it not to scare him like that again. The bird climbed up his arm and settled onto his shoulder.
Just like that, Bastion was in his own little world, not paying attention to either one of us.
“… That was a nice thing you did.” I jumped, as Echo was standing right beside me again.
“Well, of course. What else was I to do?”
“I don’t know. I just did not think you would ever do something like that.” She shrugged, her expression soft. “You’re not very… nice.”
I scoffed, crossing my arms. “I’m sorry for trying to help out.”
“I didn’t mean it like that! It’s just—“ She hesitated, shaking her head. “Thank you.” She said, resting her hand carefully onto my bicep.
I paused, looking from her to Bastion. So ecstatic he wasn’t even making any noise, just watching Ganymede preen its feathers. “… It was nothing.”
“Oh, please. It meant the world to him, Ramattra.” She giggled, floating over to him again. “Bastion, why don’t you take him to Mercy? I’m sure she can make sure everything is okay.”
Bastion agreed, looking at me and waving. He thanked me as well, slowly making his leave from the room. Leaving me and Echo alone. The silence was loud.
“You know, for such a big and scary guy, you can be careful and gentle.” She remarked, floating slowly back to me. Her eyes were so bright, it made me feel sick.
I tried my best to avoid her gaze. “It was simple. I wasn’t going to put it out of its misery.”
“Still. Didn’t it feel good to do something nice like that?”
“I suppose.”
“You could be like that all the time. It’s gratifying to help others.”
“I help others. Just in a different way than most people are comfortable with.” I glared at her, watching her cower slightly into herself.
She paused. “I think Zenyatta would be happy with what you did today.”
I said nothing for a long time. I stared on, turning my head to the side. “… I know.”
Echo hummed to herself, starting to make her leave. “Just think about it. At least!”
I watched her go, standing all alone in the room. I looked at my hand, clenching it into a fist. Just because I was capable of violence, didn’t mean I couldn’t be incapable of gentleness. But perhaps the violence had consumed me for so long, I often associated them together. That gentleness could only be gained by violence.
I shook my head. I had not lost myself just yet. She was wrong. I could find gratification in violence.
Scary, I thought about what she said. Maybe I was. But to an ally— that was not what I was seeking.
I had yet to settle on my own peace. But if a bird didn’t fall by my hand, my impression would be lost. Did I regret it though? No. Of course not. I had seeked to be helpful with no desire for a reward, no risks. I had aided in happiness without realizing it.
There was a part of what Zenyatta had left with me when I had departed that still remained. And she was right— he would be proud. But there had been a time for that, and that was long ago.
Now that, I do regret.
For now, I could settle with being a monster . A monster who cared about animals and used to live a careless life of harmony and peace amongst family. Part of me missed the way it was.
But one bird did not make a peaceful world. The war was not yet won.